Chapter 11: Common Ground
Or Dance Dance Shelter Club and Brad is a Closet Homo
A DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
Opening paragraph:
No!The morning of the storm had also awakened Rod. Still passed out in the driver's seat of his LeBaron, the orange sky shone bright enough into his face to wake him up, but was so bright that he kept his eyes shut. "Fuck me," he said,.
He tosses the biker with the shotgun face out of the car. The two bikers in the back don't respond either, so he dumps them out as well. He loots them before leaving. He returns to Jack's bar. Jack is grumpy after their brawl left his place a mess. He gives Jack the bikers bullets to pay for the mess.
Mohawk Rod's LeBaron is smokey, so he needs a new ride to a shelter. No one else in the bar seems to be scrambling to one.
Rod wants to trade his busted LeBaron for a Saab. The two gents want to play Hardknuckle for the car. You know those novelty guillotines used for cigars? Yeah, this game uses one to take fingers.He spotted two people at the billiards table. Neither looked like bikers, just two middle-aged guys with muscles who were shirtless except for leather vests. Rod got up from the bar to approach the two strangers.
"Is that your Saab out there?"
"Who wants to know?" asked the man holding the pool cue.
"I crashed my LeBaron in a ditch. It's still out there, parked. It still drives, but it could use some fixing.
So, it's a game using dominoes. Brad misspells dominoes. He spells it like the pizza chain, except no apostrophe. Then he spells it correctly IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH! Dumbass.You win, we trade cars. We win, we take our car and your LeBaron, and I get to wear your finger around my neck." Fred held out a necklace he was wearing, that had three severed fingers hanging on it.
Rod still didn't need to think about it. "Let's do it. Lift up the guillotine and get ready."
Rod = 6 dominoes down.Fred stood up twenty dominos in random locations on the pool table. On one side, he placed the white pool ball, and on the other, the red. The object of the game was to call a hole, and then get the red ball into it, without knocking over any of the dominoes. By the end of the game, whoever knocked over the least amount of dominoes would win, but if a scratch occurred, the loser had to chop off a finger with the guillotine.
Fred = 5 down
But Fred scratches and loses a pinky. Rod wins. Then:
Brad forgot a period here.Rod made his way to the entrance, but before he could leave, three young biker chicks came in all at once. Each one wore tops and pants of bright spandex, with leather jackets that had spikes on the shoulders. They also all had their hair spiked up in tall, wildly colored Mohawks
Post apocalyptic biker chicks! Say what you will, Brad knows what his audience wants.I'm in need of some assistance tonight. I'm very respectful. I promise to keep my hands off, and I'll pay you in fifteen bullets."
"Do you have a bottle of Jack, too?" asked the chick in middle.
Mohawk Rod notices the previous owners left a cup with bullets. He sets them down outside, because he felt it would be wrong to take them. Ok. Weird character building moment in this ridiculous story, but ok. The chicks on bikes follow him to the shelter.
So... livestock is fine, but to hell with the cat? What? Nice everyone found those acid proof tarps. Brad, do you even science?Outside of the shelter was a large parking lot, containing numerous motorcycles and other vehicles, each one with a thick tarp covering them to protect them from damage from the upcoming acid rainstorm. Before the parking lot was a large makeshift sign, "Human and Animal Shelter, No Pets Allowed."
Everyone has to check their weapons at the door, but I'm betting the biker chicks have weapons hidden. Probably up their cooch.
Oh. Switchblades are fine. Why does everyone have a switchblade? I think I've only ever seen one in real life. Lots of other knives and better ones out there, Brad.The girls didn't say anything, they each just simultaneously held up their switchblades, blades out. "That’s fine," said the guard, unthreatened. "Just promise you'll use them for eating utensils only." "I hope it's pork chop night," Rod laughed.
They descend into the underground bunker. Open floor plan. And a dumb as shit depection:
I don't even know where to start with the plot holes here. So, food is plentiful, electricity works, TVs but only black and whites, pinball machines, but no DONKEY KONG??? Books are burnt but the other shit is fine? The fighting ring? Actually, that's the only thing that seems to fit a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Everything else seems to be just dandy. Remember that hellish bunker from the future in Terminator? Fuck that, get you some pancakes and hamburgers at the fucking buffet.The bunker was packed with people and objects. There was a section containing ten pinball games that many people were either playing or watching someone else play. There was a buffet table where a line of people waited to eat. A group of teenagers sat around a black and white TV watching old He-Man cartoons. There was a tiny library in the corner, but all of the books were severely burned. Much of the noise came from a makeshift boxing ring with cheap ropes that was near the center of the shelter. Two people were in the ring boxing, and beside the ring a DJ spun various records stacked next to his speakers.
Fuck me. Anyway, Rod spots the Scooby-Doos playing pinball. Mohawk confronts Kurt as he sends the biker chicks to get drinks. They have a bar, mother fucking hell!
WHAT IS THIS FUCKING SHIT?!!Rod walked closer to Kurt, but surprisingly didn't seem confrontational. "Yeah, um, it was a long day. Do you want to get a drink? I'm already buying rounds for the ladies over there. What's one more lady going to hurt?"
"Funny," Kurt scoffed at his joke. "Sure." He turned to address the others in his group. "I'll be back, just, keep an eye on us okay." They each nodded, so that Kurt would know they had his back.
After getting a couple of rusty beers from the bar, the two found a table to sit where they could just calmly talk things out. "I'm surprised you're here," said Rod after taking a drink from his bottle. "You all have that van. It seems like it should be safe enough under the tarp."
That made Kurt snicker. "You know somewhere there was that first guy that died of heat stroke and toxic fumes,...
We are all expecting a double-cross here right? Like the biker chicks spring on them with their switchblades. BUT WHY IS KURT CHATTING AWAY LIKE THEY'RE TWO MILLENIAL CHICKS AT A STARBUCKS?!"Well, I mean, I need to have something to look forward to," Kurt laughed.
Rod was now ready to put things more bluntly.
"Why do you give me so much shit, Kurt?" "We've always given each other shit," Kurt took another drink.
TWO PAGES LATER!!!
TWO MORE PAGES LATER!!!!"Sometimes. Diana was fairly popular, I suppose. She did give the valedictorian speech. Christ, I don't know what the hell we were in high school. But we weren't preppies, I'll say that."
"Wish I could have seen that speech," Rod said, and took another drink, "Yeah, where the hell were you at graduation? Barely anybody showed up. I wanted to toss your hat before you got a chance to see if that would prevent you from getting your diploma,"
Kurt laughed. "My family wanted to...
I could have done this in two sentences"What do you say we end this tonight? One last fight. One last taunt. We get it all out of our systems, and then after that, if we run into each other, there's maybe a friendly, 'Fuck you,' or two, an then we help each other out if need be. We can finally put the past behind us. What do you say? You in?" Rod extended his hand for Kurt to shake.
Kurt was already slightly nodding, signaling he was approved of the idea. He glanced over at the boxing ring and knew exactly what the two of them needed to do.
"Grease fight?" asked Kurt, shaking Rod's hand.
"Grease fight," nodded Rod.
“Hey, Kurt!” Rod yelled as he approached the Scooby Doos. “I'm getting tired of this fighting. How about we settle this in the ring and let that be it?”
Brad, go get your ass stuffed already.With everyone cheering them on, Kurt and Rod walked to the boxing ring and climbed under the ropes. They each took their shirts off, revealing their rather muscular bodies underneath. Living in the wastelands for a decade caused the two to have much more impressive abs than they ever had in high school.
Rod and Kurt get in the ring and are slathered in grease. The shelter cheers and applauds. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Lexi demands the DJ (they have a fucking DJ!) play some proper Grease music. So he puts on Let's Get Physical by Olivia Newton John. Fuck's sake. What? Was the actual song, Grease a little too on the nose for your underground shelter DJ to have, Brad?
So, we have a fight of two jacked dudes covered in grease. Brad is gay.
Rod and Kurt beat the shit out of each other, but Rod is losing. The biker chicks decide to intervene.
Called it.”If we show him that we are his, and willing to do anything to keep in his service, then we can take him for more than bullets... Take your blade. Slice the other man's throat.”
Natasha slips into the ring, and no one stops her. They must think she's a ring girl or something. She comes up behind Kurt who is on top of mohawk beating the shit out of him. Just as she's about to slit his throat, a bullet rips through the side of her head. Natasha's body falls to the greasy ring.
A shelter employee (employee?) tells Laura she's going to have to leave for violating the no weapons rule. As they are marched out of the shelter, one of the biker chicks threatens to find them.It didn't take long for Rod to realize who she was . That's going to bite me in the ass.”
The Scoobys bicker about where they can go to get out of the rain, and I'm getting bored of these people. Where are the fucking mutants, and shit, Brad?Her threat turned from a scream into a psychotic fit of laughter.
Wait, why don't they just sleep in the fucking van? Or do they need pinball, Djs and a bar?They all walked to their van, and each of them pulled the tarp offf...
Right?Maybe we can survive with just the tarp on the van?”
Why?Let's save that for a last case scenario,” Lexi said, not even considering that as an option.
Bryce announces he knows where to go and starts the van and takes off.
End of chapter.
End of Part Two.
