Star Whores: Diverse Agenda

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

This legit looks like a photoshop.

[Seele]

"General Danger Hair" it is, then.

[Rapeculture]

Laura Dern looks so fucking terrible in that Tumblr uniform. Last Jedi just keeps getting worse.

[Guest]

"General Danger Hair" it is, then.

Leading the fight to stop Snoke from making the galaxy great again.

[Rapeculture]

Btw, here in America, I've seen more car commercials tied to The Last Jedi than I have trailers for the actual fucking movie.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I've just seen Star-Wars themed cornflakes. Not ones promoting Last Jedi mind you, but last year's Rogue One. What the...

[Seele]

Ok, so I've gathered up some more of the leaked shit since it was brought up in this thread, but take it with a grain of salt. Here's the gist:

SpoilerShow

• The Force Tree is indeed real, but it also acts slightly similar to the tree where Luke fought the illusion of Vader from Empire. How original.

• Finn apparently kills Phasma.

• General Danger Hair dies.

• Leia falls into a myocardial infarction coma or something.

• Snoke is like some sort of Force vampire.

• Snoke used Emo Ren to get MaRey Sue to join him in TFA so he could mentally dominate her.

• Snoke is pissed off with Emo Ren and instructs him to kill Leia similar to how he killed Han, or else he'll publically humiliate him by letting everyone know Emo's their son.

• MaRey is, indeed, some kind of "STRONK INDEPENDENT SUPER WOMYN WHORRA-TIER CHOSEN WAN" Force conduit.

• Luke is scared of MaRey and tells her to leave or something like that. She gets into a period-induced hissy fit.

• The Knights of Ren are easily dispatched by Luke when they arrive.

• Emo Ren gets sick/afraid of Snoke and quits.

• Snoke telepathically rapes MaRey's mind.

• The big twist is that Snoke tells MaRey that Luke killed her mother. HOW ORIGINAL!!!

• MaRey joins Snoke only for the sake of finding out about her origins (and by Episode 9, she'll inevitably return to the light regardless).

• MaRey & Emo essentially switched sides, which was easily predictable.

• Some big final battle involving the NOT-Empire and the NOT-Rebel Alliance again.

So basically, it's like a mish-mash of Empire + Legend of Whorra rolled into one big fanfic. IF it's true.

[Guest]

Rey going bad and Kylo returning to the light is the only possible solution after TFA (and apparently TLJ) turned her into a literal Force Goddess. Kylo's clearly her bitch now, so there's at least drama in him having to take her on.

[Guest]

Looks amazing, I can't wait to see it. I will go to premiere dressed up as pink haired Chewbacca. Chewbacca growl

Am I the only one seeing purple? And Dern was mega-fucking-hot in the '90s. Too bad they didn't cast that one. Still better looking than the ugliest fucking Asian in history they cast as Finn's beard, though.

[rabidtictac]

Telepathic force rape. Rapeculture will want to see that.

Sounds just like legend of whorra.