Star Whores: Diverse Agenda

[Guest]

That's supposedly the new lore. Rey is the reincarnation of the first Jedi who got her powers from a fucking Force Tree or something.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

And now she's on a quest to reseal the Force Seeds with her Force Sword, lest the Force Fortress activates again and summons the Force Dragon to wreck everyone's shit.

[Seele]

That's sounding pretty bullshitty so far.

It was already bad enough when midichlorians were introduced, but....

a fucking <<<<<tree>>>>> is where the Force came from? Why can't they just keep it simple and say that the Force pre determinedly exists in everything internally? Why do they feel the need to give it an origin all the time instead of keeping it a mystery?

And yeah, of course MaRey Sue would be a reincarnation of the very first Jedi in order to handwave her oh-so perfection at nearly everything she did in The Farce Awakens and why Luke turns into a pussy when sensing the power of her vagina. The only thing that could truly redeem her character is if she fully turns to the dark side without ever turning back, but that would go against Kathleen Kennedy's agenda now, wouldn't it?

[sanicvr00m]

"A tree is your parents"? Are they ripping off Secret of Mana now?

And I hope my headcanon of "Rey discovers Earth" turns out to be true. Then they can fast forward and have the first Republican be a Sith.

I remember reading a rumor that they already "Trumped up" Snoke for this new movie. Looking at the new stills I totally believe it. There's just something about his eyebrows and complexion that rings of the Don. I fully expect him to have at least one line of dialogue that directly parodies Trump, probably involving Snoke calling the space media fake news or something like that.

SpoilerShow

http://a.abcnews.com/images/Entertainme ... x3_992.jpg

[rabidtictac]

That's supposedly the new lore. Rey is the reincarnation of the first Jedi who got her powers from a fucking Force Tree or something.

lel wtf is this shit

you can't be serious

[rabidtictac]

This new star wars lore reminds me of the legend of whorra and how korra was a fucking bitch to everyone because she knew she was >>>>chosen one meme.

[Seele]

"A tree is your parents"? Are they ripping off Secret of Mana now?

And I hope my headcanon of "Rey discovers Earth" turns out to be true. Then they can fast forward and have the first Republican be a Sith.

I remember reading a rumor that they already "Trumped up" Snoke for this new movie. Looking at the new stills I totally believe it. There's just something about his eyebrows and complexion that rings of the Don. I fully expect him to have at least one line of dialogue that directly parodies Trump, probably involving Snoke calling the space media fake news or something like that.

SpoilerShow

http://a.abcnews.com/images/Entertainme ... x3_992.jpg

Well, he does command a capital ship called "The Supremacy" in the most unsubtle way possible. I am not shitting you.



I'm suspecting whether Rian Johnson was forced by Lucasfilm/Disney to make changes to the script that caused that delay to next month, or this was all intended according to keikaku from the get go.

[Rushy]

Y'all hear the news of Jar Jar coming back in Episode 8?

[Guest]

Bringing Jar-Jar and making him a Sith lord back is probably the only way to redeem these turds.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I pray every night that this will become true.

And oh yes, the Supremacy. A White-class Holocaust Star Destroyer, whose Memetic Hate Shield can only be penetrated by rainbow-colored turbolasers.

(Also probably at least twice as big as the Executor, because everything needs to be bigger)

I remember reading a rumor that they already "Trumped up" Snoke for this new movie. Looking at the new stills I totally believe it. There's just something about his eyebrows and complexion that rings of the Don. I fully expect him to have at least one line of dialogue that directly parodies Trump, probably involving Snoke calling the space media fake news or something like that.

SpoilerShow

http://a.abcnews.com/images/Entertainme ... x3_992.jpg

Now I'm on fucking board with this. If they pull this off "right", we'll have the best Star Wars movie since Space Balls. Just think about the possible quotes:

Snoke: "MAKE THE GALAXY GREAT AGAIN!"

Snoke: "We will build a deflector shield around the Outer Rim, and we will make the Hutts pay for it."

Snoke: "No Sith Lord before me ever had such a beautiful Star Destroyer!"

Snoke: "Rey just rejected our offer. Sad."

Stormtrooper in Pepe Camo: "TRAITOR! YOU CAN'T POKE THE SNOKE!"