The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Lithie's backstory was so nice, we had to hear it twice!
No wait. It sucked then, and it sucks now.

RiffingShow

From the day I was born, I was told that I was special, that I was different from the commoners. In fact, the point that I was "above" them was burned into my mind so that I understood it to the core of my being.

I mean, you have plot armor so powerful that even an immortal four-dimensional sorcerer-queen doesn't want to mess with you.

At age five, they began to formally educate me in all things that were known in the world, although my parents stressed knowledge in the Linkaran religion. Unfortunately, I admit that I was pretty good at it.

"Sorry for being a nerd."

The education was where I got my knowledge of ancient writings and languages, which is how I knew how to read Sarjet's prophecies.

That was the other Linkara prophecy form earlier in the book which got immediately ignored for being too vague. So this one was also written in a dead language? Does nothing ever get translated in this world?
I swear, if the Bible existed on Sin the New Testament would be written in Latin and the Old Testament in Hebrew (except for bits and pieces of Noah's story, which would of course be written in Sumerian).

As I grew older, I slowly began to develop my basic ideas about the world and my place in it.

What an exciting read. Can't wait for Linkara (the author)'s memoirs

I believed that I was special, that I had been anointed by the angels of heaven to someday rule over Sam Tun Fahl and possibly more.

I mean, that's technically how royalty tended to justify their rule over the filthy commoners.

My progression as a Linkaran was going well, at least from the perspective of the Priests and my parents. I was quoting scrolls and I had even finished memorizing Old High Jilad.

Sounds like a handy skill considering at least half the books are written in this.

At the age of ten, I had my first philosophical discussion about the nature of the royalty over the peasantry.

This is gonna hurt.

It was, ironically, against then-Councilor Lemoneth. We were fencing.

Shouldn't you be trained in fighting like a knight? Knowing how to swing a rapier is gonna do jack and shit for you in the type of medieval battles we've seen so far.
But I guess you're fancy nobiltiy, and fancy nobility is only ever seen fencing.

"So why are we superior to the commoners?"

Our weapons crossed and he answered my question:

"Because the commoners are born filthy in a filthy environment. They don't know better than the filth, so they can't be like us. We are born clean and pure and, as such, are superior."

Is Lemoneth black or something? He seems oddly obsessed with whether or not people use soap.

"It is the superior who lead, young Prince. The filthy and weak merely follow behind those who lead and take all of the credit when the dust settles. You must constantly remind the rats that have chosen to live in filth that you are the one in control. If you surrender to mercy and guilt, they will take advantage of your weakness and stab you while your guard's down."

"Did I mention that we're eeeevil?"

To illustrate his point, he used his foil to push my guard away and poke me in the stomach.

How underhanded of him to defeat you in a fair fencing duel.

I always hated the smug little bubo.

Bubo?

By the age of eleven, I was winning every game that we ever played.

You peaked pretty early.

Lemoneth was two levels below the royal family in terms of power.

So I'd say that puts him at level 7 or 8, seeing has you generally get your own domain at level 9.

Although the official state documents illustrated that the Council of Sam Tun Fahl was to act as a kind of check against the royalty to prevent them from ever assuming superiority over the Linkara, they had no power to enforce their actions, since the head of the Council, the Chancellor, was picked by the King and Queen and therefore was loyal to them. Since the Chancellor controlled the main military while the royalty controlled the Palace and City guards, the Council had no power to keep the royalty in check.

I take it feudalism isn't really a thing on Sin.
Also what "state documents"? You mean a royal charter? Is this supposed to be some kind of constitutional monarchy or something? States like we understand them didn't really exist back in the day when every slice of land was owned by some kind of noble. And who designed this system of checks and balances to be so useless? This shouldn't even work on paper.
Also the chancellor being in charge of the military sounds like its just a matter of time before said chancellor takes over and abolishes this stupid system.

Regardless of my feelings towards him, Lemoneth's words stuck in my mind and I figured that he was correct.

Turns out Lithmenar has always been a spineless sheep.

Any time I visited the cities and countries, any commoner that I saw appeared dirty and forsaken to me.

At least they had cool anime hair colors, right?
Is this some kind of subjective perception going on, or did anyone just stop wearing shit-covered rags in the last couple years?

They wore rags and sweated a great deal.

Does no one in this angel-forsaken country know how to make clothes out of materials that breathe?

They were skinny and depressing whereas the places I lived were luxurious and prosperous.

Also fat, I assume.

Sure, there would be the occasional time when I would travel amongst them, but when I did I felt clean simply because they would always bow and walk away from me as I traveled, as if my own presence were some sort of cleansing light that their dirtiness could not stand.

Why would you travel among them? And what's your weird obsession with cleanliness?

When I was thirteen, that all changed.

Everything changed when the Soap Nation attacked.

For some time, I had been taught about the evils of the world: war, death, and other such terrible things. However, my parents seemed keen on teaching me that one depravity, above all else, was guilty of exile, sanction, and possibly even death: thievery.

Of course Lithmenar's thievish ways are just one giant "Fuck you, dad!"

It was an offense that could never be forgiven. After all, why would we want something clean to be soiled by the hands of the rat peasants who dared assume themselves superior to those whom the angels had blessed?

Yeah yeah, dirty peasants are dirty. Get on with it.

I take it his sweetheart was actually some sexy thief lady? And he shanked her on accident when she was stealing shit from the palace?

I had just finished with a bit of purchasing in the marketplace, my guards always standing near me to protect me from any potential assassins or kidnappers.

Why is he even allowed to just go shopping in the putrid city full of shit-covered troglodytes? Shouldn't the royal family be a bit more paranoid about what I assume to be their only heir?

It astounded me that such primitive and foolish commoners could create such jewelry of beauty and intensity.

Lithmenar visiting the finest jewelers of Sam Tun Fahl:


Seriously, they're jewelers. They will look anything but "primitive" and "foolish".

When we had finally made it back to the carriage, there was someone waiting for us.

How can I describe something like this? Obviously, she was a peasant, something that was apparent because of her ragged clothes and demeanor, but her face and perfect blonde hair... she was an angel.

Hey look, another blonde. This series has more pure-bred Aryans than the NSDAP.

However, she was also a thief. She attacked, knocking over two of my personal guards before reaching and grabbing the jewels that I had just purchased.

The fuck? I can only assume this was her first ever act of thievery, 'cause I can't imagine that openly assaulting a group of people could have ever worked out well in the past.

This girl of merely fifteen years had attempted to rob me! To attempt robbery against the royal family was just suicide!

Attacking a group of what I assume to be at least 5 people (most of which easily twice her size) is suicide in general, no matter how much the group is blessed by the angels themselves.

I managed to grab hold of her arm and hold her long enough for my remaining guards to rush up and restrain her.

I reckon it took like two seconds tops for a mailed fist to knock out most of her teeth.
In fact, I'm surprised it got to a point where you had to stop her. Those guards would've been fucked if she had a dagger to shank you.

Now, you have to understand that this was possibly the oddest thing that I had ever witnessed.

I'd hate to hear of anything more retarded.

I had certainly known about stealing and theft, but I had never before witnessed it with my own eyes.

Because it's usually done in a bit more inconspicuous way.

The guards turned the struggling girl around so I could face her and again I was met with her features of beauty. Did I say she was an angel? I take it back. She was a Goddess: fair, strong, and so wonderful in so many ways.

"Sure, her face was covered in shit and dirt, but that only made her hotter."

"Why... Why did you do this?" I asked her.

"I did it because I was hungry and needed to pay for food."

Just prostitute yourself. If it's good enough for Linkaran sorcerer-priestesses, it's good enough for filthy commoners like you.

"I did it because I have nothing but contempt for those of you who sit in splendor while people suffer needlessly."

You sure showed them with your little suicide-by-guard action.

"I did it because although I'm a thief, I'm not a monster," she replied, her voice soft and yet so powerful.

You are a joke of a thief.

I had not expected such a response. I had expected her to say, "Because it's in my nature," or "I wanted to die," but nothing like that. I stared at her for a bit before I finally asked her her name.

Lithmenar getting hit by a truth bomb:

"Analee," she replied carefully, although still glaring at me.

You know, this redneck name makes a lot more sense for a filthy commoner than back when she was supposedly a princess.

How did Lithmenar expect them to never find out the truth? They were visiting his parents, after all.

There's something you should know about Sam Tun Fahl names: syllables make the person.

This is gonna be as stupid as the animu hair, isn't it?

If you're nobility or someone in a high political position, your name had three syllables, like the name of our land. If you were a commoner, you had one or two syllables. To have a three-syllable name without possessing a certain amount of money meant certain death for you. Death would probably fall upon your family, as well. Now, sometimes a high-ranking official would be stripped of his position, title, and money. When that happened, his name was reduced by a syllable to solidify his new status in society.

Fucking Fantasy North Korea.

So, what is comrade Lith Men Ar gonna with with the filthy thief Ana Lee?

(And I guess it's "Ana-" instead of "Anna-" in order to ba one syllable or something. I still can't help but pronounce it with two, though.)

This girl's name, although automatically supposed to inspire disgust at a filthy creature that didn't even have the dignity to have three syllables, inspired only pity and... joy, oddly enough.

Lithmenar loves going down and dirty, if you catch my drift.

"Release her and let her go on her way," I ordered the guards.

The guards looked at me, confused. I shot them a glare.

"You heard me!" I yelled at them.

I'm surprised they haven't knocked her teeth out or shanked her before he could say a single word.

She blinked, almost as confused as I was that I had given such an order. She smiled, thanked me, and then quickly ran into the nearest alley.

I'm surprised she didn't grab his jewels and slit his throat.

I instructed the guards not to tell anyone of the event or talk about it amongst themselves under pain of swift punishment. They obeyed my commands without a second thought.

You know as well as I do that they'll be fine if they snitch on you and go to your parents. You have no actual power as long as you're not sitting on the throne.

That night, I was kept awake by all sorts of new thoughts and considerations.

That's a nice way of saying you had wed dreams about her.

Now, obviously anyone who would even try to stand up to the royal family was going to be put down and killed immediately as an example.

Which is why that didn't happen here.

However, there was this girl that not only had the bravery (or possibly insanity) to attempt to steal from a member of the royal family, but also had the audacity to call us monsters.

Thanks for reminding me what happened a few paragraphs ago.

I wanted... no, I needed to know more.

It'll blow his mind if he finds out that the filthy commoners don't want to be seen as filthy.

The next day, I returned to the same marketplace with less protection, hoping to find the girl and talk with her.

How come you get to decide how much guards you have around you?
Also why would she return to the scene of the crime?

It took me hours, but I finally found her pick pocketing off of a few peasants here and there.

I'm surprised she doesn't just sucker punch her victims.

When I first approached, she ran away, but I chased after her. Somehow, I was able to pursue her after ordering my guards to remain where they were and wait for more instructions.

Of course she pisses off when you have your guards with them. And what does having them around have anything to do with your ability to pursue her? Are they that much slower than you?

I managed to hunt her down to this alleyway and noticed the brick with the darker color. I followed her inside, even dirtying up all of my outer robes from the ground.

And then he got shanked.
Ever notice how everyone and their mother keeps finding the entrance to this secret hideout despite not even knowing it exists?

When I first got in, she was a little scared, worried that I was trying to take her in for stealing.

How can she be both uppity and scared? Just threaten him with a dirk or something.

"I'm not here to execute you... I- I just wanted to talk," I told her.

"That's ridiculous," she said back to me, a set of throwing knives in her hands. "You people don't talk to anyone, especially not to a common thief."

I'm pretty sure he had to talk to the jeweler to get his jewels.

"But I do. Why'd you call me a monster yesterday?"

She narrowed her eyes, not showing the slightest sign of backing off.

"Because that's what you are: a monster. The same goes for the royal family."

"I am not a monster! I'm the Prince of Sam Tun Fahl!"

"How can I be a monster if I'm not covered in shit like you?!"

"The words 'Prince' and 'monster' are pretty much the same to me. You flaunt about your wealth, boasting yourself as superior to everyone else around you, eating hot food every night while people outside scrounge through the alleyways looking for a disease-ridden rat to feast upon. I'm not sure if you're hateful to us or indifferent, but either way you're a monster because of it," she said to me.

That's... not what a monster does.

"The peasants are the way they are because they have chosen that way of life. If they truly wanted to be as successful as my parents are, well, maybe they should try to stop living like animals," I, in my obviously misguided youth, rebutted.

"Have you ever tried not being covered in shit?"

And for a self-described scholar he really didn't pay attention when his parents and teachers were talking about the nobility's divine birthright.

"What kind of bizarre circular logic is that?! I didn't choose to be a thief!"

Yes. Yes you did. You could've chosen to be an honest, hard-working wench instead.

"I live like an animal because I'm not allowed to live like a human being!"

>mfw some medieval bimbo thinks that human rights are already a thing


Also where is all this human squalor in the present? Did the royal family turn every city into a Potemkin village? Fucking Fantasy North Korea.

"When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a Princess. Well, I've certainly achieved my wants and dreams, haven't I?!"

This confused me to no end. I hadn't realized up until then that my teachers and parents could've possibly been wrong.

Maybe she's wrong. And crazy.

"What are you saying? You're suggesting that it's someone else's fault that the peasants are the way they are?" I asked.

"Well, it certainly doesn't help when over three-fourths of their income goes to taxes instead of their own pockets."

Income taxes weren't really a thing in the Middle Ages. You pay if you have land or trade shit. If you have neither you probably have to do work for the guy who does own the land you're living on.

Hours passed as we talked. She taught me about why she had become a thief, about the heavy taxation placed upon the peasants by an unjust and terrible monarchy, and how I shouldn't take everything at face value unless I've experienced it firsthand.

...I'm still trying to get a hang of that last part.

And that's how it went for the next year. I'd go off into the markets on the pretense of shopping and would instead be secretly meeting with Analee.

The sad thing is they probably just talked instead of fucked.
Also why the fuck did you turn her into a backstabbing princess bitch in your fake backstory?

She taught me how to think, how to fight, and how to escape.

This explains a lot.

She told me of all the hidden rooms that she had constructed or helped in constructing thanks to other thieves all across Sam Tun Fahl.

She should've made money building shit.
How does that even work? What about the actual owners of these houses? Are they all in on the fun? I feel like this just raises the chance of the whole system getting compromised.
And judging that the one-kid-resistance from book 2 also had a secret hideout, it appears Linkara (the author) thinks that's normal for any kind of "resistance". But where do they get their advanced Bond villain secret entrance technology and know-how? This shit made more sense in fucking Life of Brian.

She brought me to the slums and ghettos of the capitol, showed me firsthand the damage caused by the taxation.

If they made money that could be taxed (for some reason), they wouldn't be sitting in ghettos and slums.

She showed me the farmlands where people began working at age five because the people were in such poor health as a result of not getting half of what their crops were worth.

The begin working at age five because farmers have no use for hungry mouths that don't contribute.

The more she showed me, the more it made sense that everything I was being taught was wrong.

The final thing that convinced me of everything, though, was what she showed me at a Linkaran church.

"HARLOT! She is a temptress and whore!"

That's a weird sermon. Then again I have no idea what an Linkaran serman is supposed to sound like.

Several hundred years ago, a Purist sect of the Linkaran religion came over to Aigol in the hopes of converting the Elven people over to their side. It was met with limited success, and most of the Purists separated off to continue their own ventures. A large group of them came to what is now Sam Tun Fahl and formed a village. Over time, more Purists came to the area and eventually they joined together to become Sam Tun Fahl. The Purists held power and have remained unchallenged since then.

Just in case you got worried about followers of the Linkaran faith being villains: Don't worry, they're just part of an evil offshoot.

The Purist order has the doctrine of being very harsh on every aspect of life, particularly the chastity of its members.

As opposed to the normal Linkara church, who required death threats by their messiah to relax their stance on whores.

A young girl, probably no older than sixteen, had been accused of sleeping with an older member of the church.

They call it "Pulling an Indow".

They did a limited investigation, not even bothering to ask the girl whether or not the allegations were true or not.

Welcome to medieval justice systems.

At the time, I had had only a small knowledge of sex, and even then it was only that it was used for reproduction.

I fucking knew they didn't fuck.

The crowd of people, all members of the church, began calling out for the Priest to kill the young girl by whatever means he saw fit.

Fucking Aigolians. Always looking for an excuse to enter a killing frenzy.

The Priest continued his insults at the girl as he drowned her for a minute in a pool of "holy life giver" and then quickly pulled her out.

Turning "water" into "life giver" really makes everything sound dumber, doesn't it?

The Priest stood behind the girl and quickly laid her on her stomach on a pedestal. All of the Priests and Priestess ignored her cries of innocence as they took a bunch of ceremonial daggers and began stabbing the girl to death.

LMAO. Apparently "being vey harsh" means "being comically evil". Also how come is the first time Lithmenar saw such a punishment? Form their enthusiam you'd think they'd to this every second mass.
And that's not how you do a ritualistic murder. The sacrifice has to be laid on their back.

"Monsters and demons rarely come in their native form, Lithmenar. It's easier for them to seduce people if they're in the form of an angel. The Linkaran church is like that - they draw people in, promising salvation with a savior who will someday end the Darkness, and then only pay you back with punishment at the slightest infringement of their tenants."

The royalty and clergy are two whole different animals. But go ahead, call everyone you don't like a fascist monster.

"You have to decide for yourself what you want to believe in, but I encourage you to make sure you know as much as possible from both sides... even if both are biased ones."

I thought you were trying to convince him that you are correct. What is this weird "Decide for yourself, I don't care, nigga"?

At the time, I thought that she had meant that I shouldn't trust the Linkara.

You still ended up despising any and all religions.

Over the next few days, as I listened to my instructors tell me of the Linkaran faith, I slowly began to pick apart what they said and finally gathered up the courage to confront them on issues. I was beginning to argue with the teachings of the church, something unheard of for anyone, much less the royal family.

You saw a chick getting shanked Aztec-style for less.

When my father learned that I had openly questioned the teachings, he beat me half to death and cursed my name.

See? This guy knows you have fuckall in terms of power.
Did he tell your parents, though?

That was the first time that I truly understood pain in my own right.

How? I thought they taught you how to fight?

Up until that point, I had been obedient in all ways to anything my parents said or even to the church teachings. Now, as I was growing up and learning from Analee, I began opening up to new possibilities and discoveries.

Thanks for summarizing the chapter.
And great. First you believed everything one side said, now you're believing the other side (I'm not buying his "I gotta think for myself" bullcrap).

Of course, being open to new possibilities was something that my parents would never have.

"never be." They will "never be" open to this shit.

To this day, there's one thing that's always confounded me about how my parents treat the commoners of this land - why doesn't anyone rebel?

Because nobility and clergy are generally not that comically evil?

The peasants live out their days in a desolate, terrible existence and yet none of them seem to possess the willpower to fight back against their oppressors.

Are we ever gonna see these desolate, terrible existences?
And I bet they're all holding out for a strong leader to help them realize their power and overthrow the real Untermenschen, as if this story wasn't fascist enough already.

Even when the people were harmed by others, they never seemed to take much mind to it. They certainly weren't smiling about things, but they were more indifferent than upset by things.

The not-smiling has returned.

For example, one day Analee brought me to a marketplace so that I could try to actually steal something. We leapt from rooftop to rooftop...

Was the rooftop leaping necessary? That's not only dangerous, but also the opposite of being sneaky - especially if you do it in broad daylight.

... finally spotting our prey: a small money purse adorning the side of a nobleman. Such coin purses disappear all the time as a result of thievery or because the things are made of such cheap material and can't stay together, so it was a good starting target.

If you word it like this, it sounds to me that the manufacturers of these purses are in on the scheme.

My task was to stay out of sight, remain in the shadows, and then subsequently steal the purse off of the nobleman without him or anyone else noticing.

Should've stayed at ground level for that.

I danced silently down to the ground, landing in the shaded areas while keeping myself completely quiet. Each motion of my arms and legs was controlled and not detected upon the wind.

You know you could've just walked to the marketplace? And all those fancy dance moves of yours won't cancel out your mass hitting the ground.
Unless of course the shit farmer thief lady taught you the art of the Wulin.

The nobleman in question was one that I had, fortunately, not encountered; otherwise, he would've spotted and recognized me with ease. He was a lower Councilor, so his protection was limited

You're telling me a member of the council does not know how the royal heir looks like?
And are those guards like handed out by the state? The guy is more than able to hire however many goons he desires.

One guard was always looking at the nobleman to make sure he wasn't stolen from while the other scanned the crowds for possible assassins.

You know that carriages are a thing, right? If you're that paranoid about asassins everyhwere you should go the extra mile.

I moved through the crowds as if they weren't there, ignoring everything except the sight of my target: the money purse.

Unless your intangible a crowd of people is pretty hard to ignore.

In order to grab it, I'd first have to distract the guard.

How about stealing from someone who is alone?

I swiped away the ripest melon from a fruit stand that I could find and moved closer to the nobleman.

If you to steal to enable further stealing, you might be doing something wrong. This easily doubled your chances of getting caught.

With the help of Analee's training with throwing knives and the physical labors that I went through during palace training, I easily tossed the melon out of my hand into the side of the knight's helmet.

Yeah, that sounds a lot more like something Master Thief Analee would teach you.

Obviously, a piece of fruit isn't going to do much damage, but it knocked him off balance for a few seconds.

Melons in general weigh at least a kilo. He felt that, and he's gonna beat the shit out of you.

As he regained his composure and began looking around the crowd for the person who had attacked him, I snuck my arm between two individuals and snatched the money purse away. I kept my head low as I wormed my way back through the crowd to the shadows. Eventually, the knight gave up on his search and continued on, none the wiser to what I had done.

You'd think yeeting an entire melon at someone would create a huge commotion. Guess it's just a daily occurence in Fantasy North Korea.

When I returned to her, Analee congratulated me for a job well done and instructed me to do whatever I wished with the money, since it was obviously I who had obtained it.

You're a terrible teacher, and the guy is alreaddy loaded af.

I knew that keeping it would probably be the wrong move to make, and I knew that Analee would never accept it.

Dumb bitch.
He's gonna give it to some bum, isn't he?

I had learned that the mother of the girl who had been slain by the church was being released, so I left it on her doorstep.

Now she's only gonna get more of her kids killed.

Even with all of my revelations and insights that had been collected over a period of weeks and months, I still didn't believe that my parents were monsters. I simply felt that they were misguided and ignorant and figured that if I could convince them that helping the commoners was in everyone's best interests, they would believe me. After all, they were sane, rational, and loving people.

I guess all of your banners being made out of flailed peasant skins didn't clue you in? What part of "Fantasy North Korea" do you not understand?

By now, my parents had caught onto the fact that I was doing something outside of their watch.

You don't say?

I had been looking at recent economic numbers and saw that things were on a slow decline. I came to them with an economic proposal, suggesting that we change from a 75% tax to a 60% tax and that we should bring the farming industry taxes down even further since they were the ones producing food. My parents were stunned.

They were convinced now that I had been corrupted by some outside force. Determined to put a stop to it, they secretly had a platoon of guards follow me out to the marketplace.

Took them long enough.

You see, even I suspected that my parents had been catching onto my strange behavior as of late and that I probably shouldn't go out. That day, I had almost half-convinced myself to simply stay inside or to go to a different marketplace as opposed to the one that Analee and I met at, but I changed my mind.

Classic Lithmenar. Doing dumb shit he knows is dumb shit.

The platoon sent for the King and held us down on the ground for nearly half an hour.

Awkward.

I yelled and ordered at them to stop and release us, but they were under the direct authority of the King.

Which they should've been from the start.

I grew concerned about Analee and what they would do to her when they got here.

Why do the king and queen have to come to you? The guards should just drag your asses into the palace.

It's so Lithmenar can make a run for it once they shank Analee, isn't it?

I prayed silently that my parents weren't anything like Analee thought them to be, that they would forgive and even understand what had happened. That was yet another mistake of mine.

Dude's about to find out why his family is called von Peasantkicking.

When my parents arrived, they lifted me up and pushed me against a wall.

My mother slapped me.

Thanks. He's had it coming ever since he was introduced.

"Tell me, thief, are you a whore, too? Do you break the sacred tenants of the Linkara?!" my mother shouted at Analee.

Does being a thief result in more or less stabs on the sacrifical altar?

"Did you sleep with this vermin, Lithmenar?! Did you lie in bed with her?!" my father growled at me.

"No, we never did!"

All this trouble, and he never even scored once.

"We never slept with one another! We are friends!"

"Friends?!" my mother shouted.

"That's even worse!"

They were hysterical at this point, not truly listening to anything that anyone else was saying.

You're slow to catch up on one of Aigol's favorite pastimes.

They had made their decision that she was the cause of my recent resistance to their teachings and that I had been a fool to believe anything that she had said.

They're very much correct in at least one point.

"You cannot be a friend with a thief, Lithmenar! You are a Prince and she is the lowest of the low! She has corrupted you with her foul, demonic teachings, and your cleansing shall begin NOW!" my mother growled.

And with that, she grabbed one of Analee's throwing knives and plunged it into her stomach.

Slitting her throat would've been more dramatic, but I digress.

As Analee collapsed to the ground, she looked over at me with such sadness and pity that I can still remember it to this day.

"At least I'm not you."

My parents tried to drag me away, back to the castle, but I resisted. I slammed myself against the nearest knight and escaped his grasp. I then grabbed his sword and aimed it at my parents.

It's a sword, not a gun. Also it's probably a bit too cramped to swing it properly.

"Put down the sword, Lithmenar!" my father ordered.

"NO!" I shouted back at him.

Don't worry. He only knows how to do fencing.

"She was right! I never wanted to believe her, but Analee was right! You're not rightful rulers appointed by the Linkara to watch over the lands!"

They kinda are? At least according to the clergy.

"You're monsters, creatures of darkness that seek only to make everyone around them suffer for your own perverted pleasure!"

There are no bad people. Only cartoonishly evil super villains.

"You wanted to raise me into a monster, but I shall raise myself to be an angel!"

And then he stabbed himself.

I then abandoned the sword and ran as fast as I could. The royal guards were good, but I wasn't using traditional rules of combat to get away from them.

How do the traditional rules of "running away" look like?

For two hours I evaded them as I doubled back to the alley, hoping to find Analee and bury her outside of the city in the proper way that she deserved.

You'd think they would notice that you're running in circles.

My parents' guards had long-since left the alley, not even caring about Analee's body.

How convenient.
You'd think they would put her on a pole Dracula-style in the middle of the marketplace as a warning.

To my utter surprise, I found that she was still alive!

Told you she should've gone for the throat.

"Illician dust that I kept on my belt..." she responded, her breathing weak and her body growing a little colder. "But the wound was too deep... Lithmenar, I'm going to die..."

It did not recover enough hit points. Sad.

"NO! You can't die! I need you now more than ever! I'm so confused and angry... Please don't leave me!" I sobbed.

Classic Lithmenar. Making everything about himself.

"...You can survive, Lithmenar... That's what thieves do, you know... we survive..." she said, closing her eyes.

Also stealing. Don't forget the stealing.

"No, I can't! I love you!" I cried out.

She nodded her head, her eyes still closed. "I know, Lithmenar. I'm sorry that I won't be the one to help you with that..."

"Have fun being an incel.."

I sat there for a time, simply letting my tears fall down my face as I stared at her body.

Good thing the guards have lost interest.

Even in death she looked purely divine in all things.

"A corpse will do."

Thanks to Analee's teachings, my senses had been honed.

Are you Force-sensitive now?

It barely took me two seconds before I realized that I wasn't alone. I turned around, reaching for Analee's bloodstained knife. I quickly pointed the weapon at the latest newcomer. He had dark skin, long blonde hair tied into a ponytail while blocked off in the front with a headband, and beads surrounding several parts of his colorful outfit.

Oh, it's that other thief guy. Enrike or something.
Wait, doesn't that name of three syllables? Whoops.

He wasn't smiling.

But there's a fresh corpse to defile!

"State your name and your business here, or I'll cut your heart out as mine has been!" I yelled at him as lightning flashed across the sky.

You can't even threaten people without talking about your feefees.
Also that lightning has impeccable timing.

As the life giver dripped down our faces, he shook his head.

It's fucking rain.

"Analee was one of the best at what she did."

Being the worst thief ever.

"It's a pity that she was always so optimistic about things."

Only optimists would claim that the country is ruled by vile monsters from the deepest pits of hell.

"We tried to warn her that this relationship with you was only going to end up badly, but she wouldn't listen."

She and Lithmenar were truly made for each other.

"Who are you?!" I demanded to know.

"My name is Enrike. I'm a representative of a group of thieves that Analee was a part of."

"Don't ask why she never brought it up. Just trust me, bro."

"She was always talking about you, talking about how she was teaching the Prince to be a thief. We could never silence her."

The queen found a way.

"Each day it would be 'Lithmenar this' and 'the Prince that.' I was tempted to kill her, myself. However, Analee was our friend and we cared about her considerably."

That's an odd train of thoughts you're having there.

"I can assure you that if we had known what the Royal Family was planning to do, we would've had greater protection for both you and Analee. Sadly, by the time we found out, it was too late."

What would've been your plan? Scare the guards off with more melons?

"We shouldn't leave her here. She deserves to be buried somewhere."

Enrike nodded. "I'll get something we can carry her with."

You're two dudes. Just carry the dead bitch.

"I probably should have told you by now that my parents, so engaged in their selfishness and pride in my creation, renamed the capitol city to Lithmenar. I know, the map you looked at didn't have that. That one was out of date, something I was particularly pleased with."

I don't think that would've been a secret for long.
Also how come they didn't rename it back to Peasantkick once Lithmenar became Aigol's Most Wanted?

Enrike introduced me to several more thieves as we traveled across the lands, knowing that we were being pursued.

Having more people know about you is exactly what you should do when you're on the run.

Finally, we managed to get to the ports in Joalor, where there had already been word traveling around as well as posters with my image littering the walls.

Who's making these posters? Do they employ entire armies of artists for this?
Also very convenient that none of them are left in the present.

And there it is. Are you happy? Are you happy now that you know why I've lied, why I've tried my best to stay away from here, and why I am having such a hard time being happy when everything in this place reminds me of Analee? Are you happy?

It doesn't quite explain why you lied in the first place, or why you turned Analee into an evil bitch in the fake version.
Also doesn't explain why you didn't explain this shit sooner. Sooner or later they would've found out, anyways.

"Why is this city called 'Lithmenar'?"
"Did someone say Lithmenar?! RIP AND TEAR!"

Also 10bux none of his nakama will give much of a shit about this, with maybe Linkara offering some generic words of wisdom.
Also there's a chance he'll scream at you for being such an angsty little bitch. Sounds actually likely, judging by the next chapter's title and Linkara's dislike for Shinji.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Inside the Mind of the Author - Meager Memories of the Middle Ages

Some wonky shit in last chapter got me thinking about just how little Linkara (the authors) knows about the Middle Ages which Sin seems to totally resemble (around 14th to 15th century).

It's alread bead enough that "knight" is used as a shorthand for "any motherfucker in armor".
Or that armies are lead by "generals" of unknown social status.
Or that he treats slaves and servants as the same thing, and even utters them in the same breath in Book 1 much like how people call gypsies "Sinti and Roma".
Or that I'm still not entirely sure that the author knows the difference between "nobiltiy" and "royalty". Then again most noblemen we've met were kings, most of which never got a name (including Lithmenar's dad).

Now we've got to a tyrannical kingdom with checks and balances in the form of a "council" that, at least on paper, is supposed to tard wrangle the king. Who set this shit up? The church that is even more evil and indulges in ritualistic blood sacrificies to the Linkara?

Then I did a quick word search and I made a weird discovery: In this supposedly medieval isekai adventure the words "vassal" or "bannerman" are never uttered.
It's the most basic bitch medieval shit ever. You've got a king who divides the land among his vassals because he doesn't have the administrative power to do it himself. You don't need some weird council because if he becomes too much of an untrustworthy douchebag the church or his own vassals will tell him to go fuck himself. Oaths and faith were serious fucking business.
But this shit never comes up. I don't even know what a nobleman even is in this setting, which might explain why non-king nobility only appears at the margins.

It seems that every kingdom is ruled through some kind of absolute monarchy, with maybe some constitutional(?) "council" as well. Back in Book 1 there was never any paranoia about individual vassals switching over to the Darkness. There was some false paranoia around the king of Ai being evil, and the Darkness' actual plan of taking over through the church, but there was no other level of administration worthy of being corrupted.

And this is coming from the guy who shaped his moral compass around the fucking musical Camelot.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 3, Chapter 12 - The Shinji Ikari Complex
(Or: Indow wins by doing everything)



Welcome back to the actual plot I guess.
I swear if Linkara starts shouting at Lithmenar for being an angsty little bitch after Linkara (the author) forced us to suffer through his angsty bullshit I'm gonna lose it.

(I'd say there's a pretty good chance btw, seeing how this chapter is titled and Linkara's habit of bringing up Shinji as the archetypical whiny bitch boi protagonist.)

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.

RecapShow

I did not enjoy last chapter.

As I've already repeated way too often, it's nice too see that my initial conspiracy theory of Lithmenar being the son of a cartoonishly evil king was spot on - but why the deception? What was the entire point of making up an outrageous bullshit backstory that couldn't possibly hold up to scrutiny if they got anywhere close to the region it allegedly took place (which is kinda what ended up happening) and demonizes his dead sweetheart while painting himself as a cool resistence leader?
Had he told the true story from the start his nakama would've probably just shrugged and moved on with the main plot (as they don't give a shit about him), but now they have every reason to suspect that he is a histrionic asshole.

Now the general gist of the real backstory is pretty straightforward:

• Lithmenar is a spoiled prince.
• He meets a lower class hot chick.
• She educates him about how much it sucks being lower class.
• His parents find out about this and shank her.
• Lithmenar runs away because he hates his parents now (and wants to avoid detention).

The problem is the implementation: We not only get a sudden style shift into a very inane first-person narration (which also implies that everyone listened to this in complete silence), but this real backstory is a lot longer and takes up the entire chapter.
While the bullshit backstory had a lot of nonsensical bullshit, the real backstory is effectively gutted by hack writing. I suspect Linkara (the author) insisted on including certain themes and scenes and didn't give a darn how much he had to bend and break the laws of reason and logic to shoehorn them into the narrative:

Shoddy worldbuilding

So in order to highlight the squalor the common folk has to live in, the backstory effectively describes them as shit-covered, rag-wearing sub-human troglodytes wallowing in their own filth and misery - even fucking jewelers in one of the most prosperous cities in the whole kingdom.
Kind of brings to mind this scene, except with less dead people and cat abuse:


Now why did nobody in the present bring this up? They're walking through the exact same streets, and yet all everyone seems to notice are the cool animu hair colors all the cool kids are rocking.
Has the situation for the people improved in the years between the backstory and now? Did the royal family (who I'm just gonna call Jerkmenar and Bitchmine von Peasantkicking because the book refuses to give them actual names) turn the whole place into a Potemkin village? Or is no one taking offense at the filth and misery because this is how every city on Sin looks like after all? I don't fucking now.

Noblemen (whoever they are in this society) also behave oddly. They have no issue parading through the dirty masses, but they always take bodyguards with them due to the constant fear of surprise assassins. You'd think they'd use at least a palanquin to get around, which would not only offer them some form of safety, but also block out the filthy peasants.
Also why does the prince have to go to the market to buy jewels? If the royal fucking family is your customer, you will probably have to go to them.

Then there's the nonsensical form of government. So they have a kind of constitution, with a council whose job it is to tard wrangle the king (for some reason) - but the only one who can actually do that is the chancellor (because he's also the supreme military leader), who in turn is chosen by the king.
Not only is the whole setup broken and useless from the outset, but it ought to create situations like in Feudal Japan where the Shogun was the real ruler and the emperor just a fancy puppet.
But instead of making the king his bitch, the chancellor and supreme military leader is instead busy playing private eye in a completel different part of the continent. Make it make sense.

Also why the fuck does every fucking city have secret rooms and hideouts for thieves?

Only the Linkara writes in Absolutes

Now it's pretty clear that the overall social conflict of this stupid kingdom is so simplistic as to be downright insulting. Both lower and upper class accuse each other of being some flavor of wicked, inhuman creature of pure evil and malice.
And since Linkara (the author) wants us to root for the lower class scum they are proven 100% correct. The royal family are a cartoonishly evil psychopaths, and the evil splinter sect of the Linkaran faith conducts impromptu human sacrifices to punish sinners - usually alleged whores, because that's the only taboo Linkara (the author) cares about.

And worst of all Lithmenar has been completely oblivious of all of this his entire life. Despite studying the way of the Blood Linkara like a good little nerd, he was completely unaware that the priests like to stab the fuck out of bitches, and one of his "biggest mistakes" hinges on him not actually knowing his parents. You'd think he'd know that mom and dad like to blow a fuse like kangs at a KFC if you trigger them.
To me this strikes me as a particular bad case of hack writing: Setting up a status quo without considering how everything worked before the story started.

And GTFO with claiming that Analee taught him the merits of Rationality and forming his own opinions. Dude didn't form any opinions of his own. He just replaced his entire worldview for hers because she's a hot chick. On top of it she is proven 100% correct.
And he never really stops being bigoted, as he has hated nobles and religions this entire series, instead of eventually realizing that not every place is as comically evil as his homeland.

Nonsensical Storytelling

Aka "Don't force key scenes into your narrative if you can't make them make sense":

• Lithmenar needs to meet the Hot Thief Chick? Just have her be the most incompetent thief ever so he and his guards can catch her instantly.
• Lithmenar needs to see how evil the upper class is? Let's watch a girl get stabbed to death as an offering to the Linkara.
  • Did Analee knew this was gonna happen? Or does the church do this so often she had a greater than 50% chance of Lithmenar seeing some fucked-up shit?
• Wanna show that Lithmenar is a cool thief now? Have him yeet a melon at someone, and have him do unnecessary Wuxia parkour nonsense (that he has never actually shown before).
• You need a convoluted scene in which Lithmenar's parents can shout at him and shank Analee, and Lithmenar can escape from them and get to exchange some final words with Analee before she bites the dust? Have the guards detain them in a dark alleyway and have everyone wait for the royal family to move their asses to them.
  • Seriously, what the fuck? There the fucking king and the fucking king of this fucking shithole country. You go to them, not the other way around.

Also where the bloody hell does the locket come from? It has no sentimental value at all. It just contains a picture of his sweetheart to be sad about. Must've hired some artist/painter and describe her in detail, inbetween bouts of crying

Worldbuilding tidbits:

• It is mandatory for the people of Lithmenar's homeland to have names with two or three syllables, depending on whether or not they're lower or upper class. It is a crime worthy of death to have the incorrect number of syllables.
  • I guess this means that "Enrike" is pronounced something like "An Reich" (lel), instead of being a funny way to write "Enrique".
• The people of Aigol can apparently mass produce wanted poster with pictures.

ChapterShow

The four sat in stunned silence from Lithmenar's tale. Even with all of the hintings and all of the clues, they hadn't had any idea of the scope of which Lithmenar could actually care about someone else. Their experiences with him had made him appear to be a self-serving liar whose only intent was to find as much profit as possible while keeping his own neck intact. As they processed the new information, they began to think of all the things that Lithmenar had said and done, everything that hinted at his true intents and purposes. After all, he had lied before, so why wouldn't he be lying now? To their shock, nothing in their memories could offer up an alternative story for what he had informed them to.

Indow stood up and approached Lithmenar. Lithmenar was standing with his back to the group, looking down at a small table where the locket with Analee's picture had been placed.

"Lithmenar, I-" Indow began, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Lithmenar jumped and twisted around, getting right into Indow's face. "NO! Don't you dare, little Priestess girl! Don't you go off and start saying how sorry you are or how much you understand or wish things could have gone off better! I don't want sympathy, pity, or help from ANY of you! I can stand on my own and I do not need emotional support from an already disturbed group! The condolences and grief of a Linkaran Priestess mean about as much to me as the dirt I step on."

Louis was tempted to stand up for Indow, but he knew that she could handle herself.

"Regardless of what they mean to you, Lithmenar, they are there. The atrocities committed by the church of this land shall not go unpunished," she replied.

"What, just like you 'punished' the Priests responsible for the kidnapping and raping of a group of St. Nal Priestesses?! Or maybe you'll 'punish' the people here like you 'punished' the Head Priestess in Alkman who murdered her husband and children because she was paranoid about what their afterlife would be?! Let's face it, Indow - the Linkaran church RARELY ever takes a stand against the corruption within it! Your promises are as empty and transparent as the wind!" Lithmenar rebuked.

Jordahn stepped up, getting between the two before they could begin attacking one another. "The Linkaran church is not the issue right now! We need to find a way out of the city, since now that they know you're here, Lithmenar, they're going to tear it apart looking for you!"

"Are there any thieves left in the city that you know of? Anyone who could help smuggle us away?" Louis questioned.

Lithmenar shook his head. "I've already tried to contact Enrike, since he said he might be coming back to Sam Tun Fahl, but so far there hasn't been a response. It's very likely that I won't get one, either, since most of the thieves I met were in the capitol at the time, not to mention the fact that there's no guarantee that Enrike was heading for this city, anyway."

Louis sighed and bit his lower lip, thinking carefully.

"All right, here's what I think we should do: we'll fly out of the city to escape it, me carrying someone and Indow carrying the other two," Louis suggested.

"The Levitation spell becomes more difficult with each person I add to the load. I don't think that I'd be able to carry more than one, and even then it won't be very high up," Indow responded, sounding worried about the plan.

Louis nodded and reassured her, "I'll take two, then. I'm not sure what this armor does to me, but I've never felt stronger. We'll fly out of the city and hopefully get some horses on the way. After that, we'll head to that assassin country... what was it called, again?"

"Danab. I remember my parents talking about it quite a bit. They weren't exactly fond of them," Lithmenar answered.

"The enemy of my enemy, Lithie. By the way, if you want, you can come with us to Earth and start a new life for yourself there. If you really never want to come back to this place, that's probably the one place you'll be safe from your parents and your 'position.'" Louis offered.

Lithmenar looked from Louis over to the locket with Analee's picture. He stared at it for a moment, obviously in deep thought.

"Analee always had this belief that, in the end, if there's something that you want to happen and were willing to fight and do all that you could to get it, it would eventually come to you, no matter how impossible it might be," he stated.

He closed his eyes and looked away, opening his eyes again when he was looking at Louis. "I always envied her optimism. I, sadly, have never had such ideas proven correct. As such, I'll gladly come with you, kid."

Lithmenar smiled, something that Louis hadn't seen on his face, at least in a true way, in a long time.

*

Even with the enhanced strength of the armor, Louis was having a hard time carrying two people at once. His physical strength was certainly enough to do it, but he was still uncomfortable carrying two to three hundred pounds in his arms, especially when flying. Fortunately, he didn't have to worry about the flying part, since the wings seemed almost independent of him. Sure, he'd send mental commands either on instinct or in actual tactics like he did with the gauntlets, but he never actually felt the wings themselves. To Louis, they were merely a lightweight extension of his armor.

The five were flying out of the city as fast as they could, passing onlookers and guards as they went. Louis was well above the buildings, but he was worried about Indow and White Raven, who were limited to flying at only a dozen or so feet off of the ground. Louis wanted to get in closer in case he had to protect Indow, but decided that he could always swoop around and help her if she needed it.

As they approached the end of the city, they spotted a horse farm with at least two dozen horses of various colors out in the open. They descended toward the horses, Indow and White Raven opening up the fence gates while Louis, Lithmenar, and Jordahn got the horses, stepping on a few potatoes that littered the field. Louis considered asking about the potatoes, since he'd only seen a few foods on Sin that resembled what had been on Earth, and his theory that Sin was a parallel universe was being reassured whenever he saw another similarity between the two worlds.

As they were putting saddles on the horses, Lithmenar asked Louis a question:

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?" Louis responded, getting on top of the horse as his armor finished retracting into the gauntlet.

"Being able to hold the one you love in your arms."

Louis didn't answer at first, not wanting to make Lithmenar more depressed.

He then looked over at him and replied, "It's the sort of thing that I wish everyone could feel; especially you, Lithie."

Lithmenar nodded and smiled.

As the group rode out towards the grassy plains of the north, they spotted quickly that they were being followed. Royal guards had spotted them throughout the town and knew what they were planning, so they had already gotten their horses prepared and launched forth towards them. When the group looked behind them at the force of guards coming at them, they couldn't help but gasp in awe of their pursuers. Each time they looked, it appeared as if more had come and their numbers swelled to unbelievable proportions.

With an army behind them, the five looked forward, leaned in, and tried their best to speed up the horses.

"Accursed beasts..." Jordahn groaned under her breath.

Knowing that they wouldn't simply outrun the growing army building up, the five decided that there was only one course of action for them to take - the insane course of action. They each turned their horses around and began charging straight back towards their attackers. Indow smiled and looked from each of her companions to the next, all of them returning her grins. From the perspective of the army, all they could see were five people on horseback advancing crazily back at them. All of a sudden, a wall of fire erupted upwards in between the two forces, blocking their view of each other!

The horses at the front of the army lifted their legs up in fear, even dropping a few of their riders. The army came to a screeching halt as they saw five rider-less horses walk around the wall of fire a few seconds later. As the fire died down, the army advanced forward, not able to see any of their prey. They checked the skies to see if they had flown up again, but there wasn't any sign of them. The only things that were around were grass, trees, and the wind. The lead members of the army moved forward a little, looking around to see if the five had just ducked behind something to hide, but to their dismay, there were no such places.

The leaders had the army split off in two directions, one continuing off into the north while the other half returned to the city in case the five had doubled back in the confusion caused by the smoke and fire. A minute or so after the army had left, next to a tree, the five quickly became visible again. Indow collapsed to her knees, panting and sweating as Louis went to her side to help her.

"Holding... for... so... long..." she wheezed.

Louis rubbed her back and held her close, smiling and reassuring her:

"Don't worry, Indow. It's safe now. You really saved us back there."

Lithmenar groaned and rubbed the side of his head. "The next time you wish to speak with your mind instead of your mouth, could you do it quieter? Discussing plans telepathically is... draining and painful."

"Oh, I don't know. I actually found the experience of speaking with my thoughts to be freeing in a way," Jordahn commented.

"It's not an easy spell to accomplish, since it doesn't involve the use of her hands or speech, the two principle ways to manipulate magic. Fortunately, she had a bit of experience with it back in Soyah when I was tricking Myrrha into believing that I was on her side," White Raven explained.

"It... was still... trying... when coupled... with the... Invisibility... Spell..." Indow panted.

Louis pulled out some water that he had in his bag and handed it to Indow, who quickly gulped down as much as she could take at the moment.

"I don't suppose you'd care to explain how we were still able to see things while we were transparent, could you?" Louis inquired.

"What do you mean?" Jordahn asked, confused by what he was saying.

"If we had been truly transparent, then light isn't getting into our eyes for us to see," Louis explained.

"That's because we weren't actually transparent, we were simply not visible. The Invisibility Spell shrouds a person or persons in a way that moves them outside of the visible spectrum. However, the spell isn't powerful enough to be reshaped, broken, or changed in any way, so when someone moves around or breaks the concentration of the person casting the spell, you become visible again," White Raven explained.

"I have cast too many complex spells today..." she groaned.

"Well, you certainly did a great job, Indow. The idea of using some flammable powders, lighting it up to block their sight of us, and then running over to this tree to cast the Invisibility Spell was great," Louis said.

"I'm going to need a lot of rest, though... I don't think I could even cast a Lighting Spell after all of that..." Indow said.

"Well, it looks like the guys who were chasing us left behind the horses we took, so we'll try to find someplace to hide for the night and then head out in the morning so we can make our way to Danab," Louis said as he began walking towards the abandoned horses.

*

They once again settled down for the night. Fortunately, after an hour of riding, they had located a forest that they could hide in for a time while they made their way to Danab. Louis was actually getting a little tired of all of the travel. Once in a while, traveling long distances with limited food while being pursued by bloodthirsty enemies can be interesting. However, Louis had come to the realization that the majority of his entire stay on Sin had been horses, traveling, and sleeping outside. Louis had been looking forward to sleeping in a bed and eating food that was cooked in an oven and not over a campfire when he was in Palnor.

"How long is it going to take to get to Danab again?" Louis asked.

"Probably another day or two for us to reach the border," Indow replied as she poured another bowl of soup for herself. "Hungry?"

Louis shook his head. "I've had enough soup for a lifetime."

Louis was laying at the edge of camp, his eyes transfixed upon the stars above him. Lithmenar approached him, a bowl of soup in his hands.

"Frankly I don't see what your problem is with the soup. It's simplistic and nourishing, exactly what life should be," Lithmenar stated as he ate another spoonful.

"Yeah, for you, maybe. I prefer a wider variety of foods other than broth, meat, and vegetables," Louis responded, closing his eyes.

"You're upset, aren't you?" Lithmenar asked, putting down his soup.

"You're damn right I'm upset," he said, turning to him. "I'm sick and tired of having to do this - travel around on one journey to the next with a goal in mind, but it's always just out of reach. I'm irritated by always being on the run, someone chasing us down with the hopes of killing us. The Darkness did it, the Terafell Arbiters did it, those Shadow things are doing it, and now we're being hunted by your people, Lithmenar! What kind of shithole planet is this, where the sum total of one's existence is moving around being chased by God knows what and never knowing whether the next day will be your last one?!"

"I know what you mean, kid," Lithmenar chuckled.

Louis sighed and bit his lower lip. "I'm sick of feeling this way. I don't want to be the one complaining about things. I'm an optimist! We're not supposed to do this! We're the ones who combat evil with smiles and cleverness, not complain about the little details. My God, I must have the Shinji Ikari complex..."

Lithmenar stared at Louis, bewildered. "The what complex?"

Louis grinned and began to explain. "You know how on Sin, there are theater plays and such? Well, we have them on Earth, except sometimes they can be done entirely with drawings instead of real people. One is called Evangelion, and its main character is one Shinji Ikari. Shinji Ikari has had it rough - his father left him when he was young, his mother died, and he's now chosen to be the world's savior. The problem is that, because of the various emotional and social issues that he has, he acts depressed and whiney all the time. The Shinji Ikari complex is something I invented after finishing Evangelion. Essentially, the complex is where a hero, instead of thanking the world for what he has, decides to complain and whine about his life. I have so many great things here on Sin - a girl who loves me, good friends, adventure, and the ability to fly through the air while kicking the asses of bad guys, and yet all I can do is complain about the fact that I get chased around a lot. What I need is a good ol' reminder about what it is to be an optimist and a generally upbeat guy."

"Attack positions!"

The two snapped their heads in the direction of the voices. There were a group of soldiers approaching them, but in the darkness they couldn't make out how many there were. Jordahn and White Raven went for their weapons as Indow slowly stood, still sore from the amount of magic she had used earlier. From what the group could tell, there were at least six soldiers in the group, two of which carried bow and arrows. Their leader, indicated by the sturdy helmet around his head, approached to within twenty feet of Louis and raised the falchion in his hand.

"We have come for Prince Lithmenar. The royal family wishes to see him," he said, glaring at the five.

"Well, you may kindly tell my parents that I have no desire to see them! I order you as Prince of Sam Tun Fahl to withdraw immediately and call off your search!" Lithmenar yelled as he stood, one of his hands on a throwing knife in preparation for a fight.

"I'm afraid, Prince Lithmenar, that after you fled the city, your title and succession were revoked by the King and Queen and can only be reinstated by them when they see fit. As such, your orders are meaningless to me," the knight responded.

"Then what about me?" Louis asked, stepping up next to Lithmenar.

"And you are?" the knight asked.

"My name is Louis Williamson, but to you, I am known as the Linkara," he replied, standing tall as his armor began to form up around his arms and torso.

The knights looked at one another, not expecting such a response.

"We were told that there was a boy posing to be the Linkara with the Prince. There is no proof to suggest that you are, in fact, the Linkara," the lead knight said, trying to call Louis' 'bluff.'

"I can quite clearly and honestly tell you of how I slew the Darkness with these blades and how I fulfill the prophecies that your people seem to be having some trouble with."

"We are having no difficulty with the Linkaran prophecies."

"Oh, really? Then why do you have a King and Queen who tax unreasonably and murder in cold blood in my name? These are not the lessons that I wanted the people of Sin to follow."

"The Prophecies written by Teradel would disagree."

"What Prophecies written by Teradel?"

"The Prophet Teradel wrote expansions to the original Linkaran prophecies in 712 since you did not offer the people guidance in any other areas of our lives. They were based on Purist concepts and the Dogma of the Old Man, the scriptures of the Prophecy released posthumously after the Linkaran Man's death."

Louis looked over at Indow, who shrugged her shoulders, not understanding what the knight was talking about. Louis faced the knight again.

"See the girl over there? She's a Linkaran Priestess and she's never heard of the Dogma of the Old Man or the Teradel guy."

"The First Church of the Linkara and other Five Lands churches refuse to acknowledge the validity of the Dogma of the Old Man, claiming them to be forgeries invented by Purist leaders several hundred years ago. The Teradel Prophecies outline your long-term plan for the people of Sin and how we should live our lives, from all the ceremonies of meals to when we should marry and how."

"No offense, but that sounds ridiculous. The reason that the Linkaran Man never wrote about how I wanted you to lead your normal lives is because I don't care how you people lead your everyday lives. The Prophecies of Teradel may have been somehow inspired by me in ways I can't control, but they were written by him, not me. As the Linkara, I command you to call off your search and please leave us be. Otherwise I shall be forced to strike you down or knock you unconscious, prospects that I don't find appealing."

The knight stared into Louis' eyes, trying to see any evidence of him lying. The knight had been in the service of the Royal Family for two decades now and had learned how to tell if a person was lying simply by looking into their eyes. Some suspected that his ability to foresee truth and dishonesty within people's eyes was left over to him from his grandparents, both of whom had been magic-users. And so, the knight merely stared into Louis' eyes, narrowing them every once in awhile in a search for the truth. He could find no evidence of lying within Louis' eyes, and that was good enough for him.

"All right, then. Men, we're moving out," he ordered.

"But, sir-" one of the knights tried to say.

"Hold your tongue! We obey the will of the Linkara!" he snapped at his subordinate.

The knight who had spoken out of turn nodded and stepped back from the group. The lead knight turned back to Louis and bowed in respect. Louis smiled and nodded, returning the gesture to him. The knights quickly retreated from the forest, leaving Louis and his companions to rest and sigh in relief.

Louis grinned and turned to the others. "Somehow, I knew that that was going to turn out all right. Guys, break out the food supplies! I feel like celebrating the return of my optimism!"

*

"Was that wise, sir? It is very likely that we will be punished for our failure to retrieve the Prince."

The lead knight shook his head as he and his troops rode back to Palnor. The night sky was now obscuring most of the view, the moonlight the only thing illuminating an otherwise pitch-black area.

"Even if he wasn't really the Linkara, he confirmed something that I have wanted someone to say for a long time - that the taxes and means of control that the Royal Family force upon the peasantry are wrong and should be stopped. I have allies in other parts of the army and I believe it is finally time we did something about our mad rulers. We will begin by-"

The knight never got a chance to continue speaking. A knife had flown out of the shadows of night and imbedded itself into his mouth, severing his tongue and spine at the same time. As the knight collapsed off of his horse, the other knights quickly got into battle positions to face whoever had attacked them. They looked from one way to the next, screaming at each other to find the perpetrator of the murder. However, they were confused and disorganized. The black-clad form moved from one area of shadows to another, blending into them as if it was a part of them.

The next to die was the second in command. As he attempted to rally the forces back into a cohesive fighting force, the form leapt up onto his horse and grabbed him around his head, pulling it back and revealing his neck. The form brought a large knife up and slit it across the soldier's neck, cutting into his vocal cords and managing to even scrape the bone. It then tosses the knight to the side as it fell to the side of the horse, avoiding a slew of arrows coming from the bow of an archer. The form moved too quickly to be targeted, going from one knight to another and stabbing its distinctive knife into spines, hearts, and brains. Each move that the form made was accurate and purposeful; doing whatever it felt was the best way to dispatch with that individual.

As the final body hit the ground, the form stepped into the light, closing its eyes and looking around to make sure that no one had born witness to it or the things that it had done. The form reached into its black vest and pulled out a piece of paper, finding the nearest knight and placing the piece of paper just inside his armor, enough to make it noticeable but not blow away in the wind. After the person took one final look around, it leapt back into the night shadows and disappeared.

*

The next day, the group went out towards Danab without further incident from the army that had been looking for them. Louis figured that the person that they had met last night had been sincere in his compliance with his order to have them stop pursuing him. However, the truth of the matter was that the Royal Family had called off the search early in the morning and recalled the army back towards the capitol of Sam Tun Fahl, fearing that Lithmenar was going to attempt to have the assassins of Danab invade openly and put an end to their land.

"We'll want to be inside of their borders before nightfall. If we tried to cross the border at night, they'd think that we were attempting an attack on them and would kill us without a second thought. If we're lucky, we can find one of their patrols and explain the situation to them," Lithmenar explained.

"You know, I'm actually having second thoughts about this. Do you really think that the five of us are going to be able to get the jewels from them through words?" Louis asked, concern in his voice

"It seems your optimism has failed you, Linkara!" Jordahn laughed as she rode along with the others. "I actually feel that it would be an honor to face an assassin in battle! If what Lithmenar says of them is true, then they possess warrior skills unequaled by any Kien that I've met!"

"Well, you seem awfully cheerful for someone who expressed how much she despised riding these horses," Indow giggled, equally smiling with bliss.

"I'm not sure what it is, but I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from me and I could conquer the world with only a single axe's blade!" she chuckled, taking in a deep breath.

"It's the flowers," Lithmenar said, pointing out the various white flowers that seemed to encompass most of the countryside.

"What's that?" White Raven inquired, also smiling.

"The pollen of the flowers comes out during this time of the year. When it's breathed in, it makes one feel... happy! The effects only last for so long as you're exposed to the pollen, but it's a great feeling, isn't it?" Lithmenar explained, chuckling, himself.

"Well, forgive me if, for a change, I'm not feeling the enthusiasm," Louis said as he bit his lower lip.

"That's unusual. It usually takes only a few minutes worth of the pollen before someone feels elated," Lithmenar pointed out.

"I'm not like everyone else on this planet, remember? My biology is different from the rest of you. All I'm feeling is a bit of dread and worry about what's happening," Louis replied.

"You need to relax a bit! It's not like something's always going to jump out and-"

Lithmenar was cut off by the fact that his horse had suddenly stopped itself and thrown him off of its back. Lithmenar, in his pollen- induced happiness, was more calm and determined than normal and was focused enough to save himself from the situation. As the others came to a halt to try to help him, Lithmenar adjusted his weight and twisted himself around so that his backside was the side being pulled by momentum as opposed to his front. He then hunched over slightly so that he could balance his weight across his body when he landed. The maneuver succeeded and he merely slid across the ground, his feet and hands acting as brakes as he stopped. He brushed himself off of the grass and dirt and stood, stretching out.

"That was fun!" he laughed.

"What happened?" Louis asked as he got off of his horse.

Lithmenar shrugged. "My horse just suddenly yelped and stopped."

The group noticed that the horse was slowly crouching down and closing its eyes, falling asleep. Indow and White Raven got down from their own horses and walked over to the horse, noticing a small barb sticking out of its neck. White Raven leaned down and pulled the point had some liquid on it, so she brought it closer to her nose and sniffed, raising an eyebrow.

"It's liquid Gethric powder. Unlike the powder, it needs to be placed directly into the blood for it to be effective," she explained.

"But who-"

Jordahn didn't need to answer, since the person in question leapt in between all of them. She was female, but her nose and mouth were being covered by a mask of some sort held up in a chain behind her head. She was about 5'5" with grey eyes that had a gold outline. Her long hair, which had the back of it tied in a ponytail while the rest just brushed her shoulders, was a combination gold, red and orange, resembling tree leaves in the fall. She had a black blouse and miniskirt, but her legs were covered by some sort of combination of trousers and stockings. Her arms had belts wrapped in certain areas, while her ankles and wrists were covered in black leather armoring. Flowing behind her was a black cape, but it appeared to be easily detachable. Her feet, instead of being protected by shoes, had sandals on them.

The five looked at her eyes, which seemed to be accentuated by makeup, almost as if it were to make them look longer. She then narrowed these eyes and went for Louis first. For once, Louis was too slow and the woman punched him in the face and sent him sprawling to the ground. Indow brought her hands up to cast a spell, but the woman grabbed a pouch from her belt and tossed it at Indow. The pouch opened, sending dirt and dust into her face. She squeaked in pain as it hit her eyes and made her sneeze. She wasn't able to focus her magicks. White Raven reached for the woman's arm, but when she grabbed an area in between the belts, she gasped as she felt something slice her hands and fingers. As White Raven pulled back, the woman leapt at her and kicked her in the stomach, knocking her onto her back.

The last still standing was Jordahn, who had managed to get the lightest axe in her arsenal. The woman narrowed her eyes at Jordahn and began to circle her opponent, pulling a knife from a leg holster. Jordahn responded in kind, walking in a circle around the woman in order to find a weak point. However, instead of trying to attack, the woman threw her knife into the ground and nodded her head.

"Forgive me, but I needed to knock you out of the daze created by the pollen. That terrible plant is the reason why I'm wearing a mask."

Louis groaned as he pulled himself up, seeing the others who had been knocked down do the same.

"Identify yourself!" he demanded.

The woman looked to Louis and nodded her head. "My name is Hirode. I was chosen to come into Sam Tun Fahl, locate Lithmenar, and escort him to Danab."

"What about the rest of us?" Jordahn asked, stepping up.

"You can come along if you wish, but I'm only here for Lithmenar," Hirode responded.

"Wait a minute, what are you going to do with him once he gets to Danab?" White Raven inquired, stepping up closer.

"If you're implying that we intend to hold the Prince captive, I can assure you that we do not take hostages. We're assassins, not beasts," Hirode reassured, narrowing her eyes.

"I'll go," Lithmenar said, moving towards her.

"Hang on!" Louis interrupted, grabbing Lithmenar by the arm and pulling him close to whisper in his ear. "Lithie, are you sure about this? From what I've heard about these guys, they're not exactly known to be the world’s most courteous hosts! They're assassins, Lithmenar! What reason would they have to help you? What's in this for them?"

Lithmenar shrugged. He looked past Louis' shoulder at Hirode, attempting to discern any hidden meaning in her face. However, the emotionless stare of the assassin gave away nothing to him. He returned his gaze to Louis.

"Frankly, at this point, I'd rather trust a society of murderers than trust my parents. I'm going."

Next Time: Enchanting adventures in Murderland.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The only surprising thing was that Linkara did not berate Lithmenar. He apparently didn't give enough of a fuck.

SpoilerShow

The four sat in stunned silence from Lithmenar's tale.

That'd be the first time Linkara ever shut up, so I'll press X to doubt on that one.

Even with all of the hintings and all of the clues, they hadn't had any idea of the scope of which Lithmenar could actually care about someone else.

JFC, he was a horny teenager who met a hot chick. Also nice to hear how highly you think of him.

Their experiences with him had made him appear to be a self-serving liar whose only intent was to find as much profit as possible while keeping his own neck intact.

He never scored (be it financially or sexually), and kept helping you guys out for no reason. Are you sure you've read the same book as I did?

As they processed the new information, they began to think of all the things that Lithmenar had said and done, everything that hinted at his true intents and purposes. After all, he had lied before, so why wouldn't he be lying now? To their shock, nothing in their memories could offer up an alternative story for what he had informed them to.

You know fuckall about this continent, this kingdom and his past. What use would your memories serve?

Indow stood up and approached Lithmenar. Lithmenar was standing with his back to the group, looking down at a small table where the locket with Analee's picture had been placed.

That's not even a real memento, you drama queen.
And has he turned his back to them this entire time?

"Lithmenar, I-" Indow began, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Lithmenar jumped and twisted around, getting right into Indow's face. "NO! Don't you dare, little Priestess girl! Don't you go off and start saying how sorry you are or how much you understand or wish things could have gone off better! I don't want sympathy, pity, or help from ANY of you! I can stand on my own and I do not need emotional support from an already disturbed group! The condolences and grief of a Linkaran Priestess mean about as much to me as the dirt I step on."

You could've just said this shit normally at the end of your little tale, instead of waiting for a fool to stumble into your little Cluster B trap.

Louis was tempted to stand up for Indow, but he knew that she could handle herself.

>not wanting to brutalize/threaten someone
What did you do to the real Linkara?!

"Regardless of what they mean to you, Lithmenar, they are there. The atrocities committed by the church of this land shall not go unpunished," she replied.

"What, just like you 'punished' the Priests responsible for the kidnapping and raping of a group of St. Nal Priestesses?! Or maybe you'll 'punish' the people here like you 'punished' the Head Priestess in Alkman who murdered her husband and children because she was paranoid about what their afterlife would be?! Let's face it, Indow - the Linkaran church RARELY ever takes a stand against the corruption within it! Your promises are as empty and transparent as the wind!" Lithmenar rebuked.

"There are some assholes in the Linkaran church. That makes you an asshole, too!"

Jordahn stepped up, getting between the two before they could begin attacking one another.

I'd love to see you try and stop Catgirl Lina Inverse from frying the shit out of this euphoric atheist.

"The Linkaran church is not the issue right now! We need to find a way out of the city, since now that they know you're here, Lithmenar, they're going to tear it apart looking for you!"

"Are there any thieves left in the city that you know of? Anyone who could help smuggle us away?" Louis

Just fucking run? That's what you did in that Terafella city, remember? Why are you afraid of guards with shittier armor than any of your previous opponents? This whole "problem" only exists because you make it one - like that time you retreated from a lazor gun after it turned out that the beam can't hurt you.

Lithmenar shook his head. "I've already tried to contact Enrike, since he said he might be coming back to Sam Tun Fahl, but so far there hasn't been a response."

What'd you do? Write a secret message in on a shit-covered wall? Send out a carrier pigeon?
And are you telling the these thieves have multiple secret rooms in the city, but not a single secret tunnel in and out of the place?

Louis sighed and bit his lower lip, thinking carefully.

Yeah, that's definitely the new wincing.

"All right, here's what I think we should do: we'll fly out of the city to escape it, me carrying someone and Indow carrying the other two," Louis suggested.

I'm actually shocked that the levitation spell has not been forgotten.

"The Levitation spell becomes more difficult with each person I add to the load. I don't think that I'd be able to carry more than one, and even then it won't be very high up," Indow responded, sounding worried about the plan.

Just cast that power-up spell from when you killed the tentacle monster.

Louis nodded and reassured her, "I'll take two, then. I'm not sure what this armor does to me, but I've never felt stronger."

Which is why you are somehow more afraid of simple henchmen now than Shadow Nazgul and giant tentacle monsters.

"After that, we'll head to that assassin country... what was it called, again?"

"Danab. I remember my parents talking about it quite a bit. They weren't exactly fond of them," Lithmenar answered.

"The enemy of my enemy, Lithie.

I'm sure the fine people of Murderland will welcome you with open arms.

"By the way, if you want, you can come with us to Earth and start a new life for yourself there. If you really never want to come back to this place, that's probably the one place you'll be safe from your parents and your 'position.'" Louis offered.

Didn't everyone in the fellowship assume that you want to bring everyone with you? Are we back to only Linkara and Indow planning to go on the trip?

Lithmenar looked from Louis over to the locket with Analee's picture. He stared at it for a moment, obviously in deep thought.

"Analee always had this belief that, in the end, if there's something that you want to happen and were willing to fight and do all that you could to get it, it would eventually come to you, no matter how impossible it might be," he stated.

This is only slightly less dumb than the Law of Attraction.
And holy shit, dude. Is there any thought in your head that's not from your dead sweetheart?

He closed his eyes and looked away, opening his eyes again when he was looking at Louis. "I always envied her optimism. I, sadly, have never had such ideas proven correct. As such, I'll gladly come with you, kid."

The great Lithmenar, bravely running away from his problems once again.

Lithmenar smiled, something that Louis hadn't seen on his face, at least in a true way, in a long time.

*

Even with the enhanced strength of the armor, Louis was having a hard time carrying two people at once. His physical strength was certainly enough to do it, but he was still uncomfortable carrying two to three hundred pounds in his arms, especially when flying.

He can smash through walls like the Kool-Aid Man, but his upper-body strength is not even superhuman?

Fortunately, he didn't have to worry about the flying part, since the wings seemed almost independent of him.

The armor once again doing the heavy lifting (pun intended).

The five were flying out of the city as fast as they could, passing onlookers and guards as they went.

Can't you just put on your shitty burlap cloaks again and then fly over the walls once you're pretty close? You're just alarming everyone way too early and for no fucking reason.

Louis was well above the buildings, but he was worried about Indow and White Raven, who were limited to flying at only a dozen or so feet off of the ground.

That's not even 4 meters.
You know, if you have no chance of being able to actually fly over the wall, you might want to think of a Plan B.

Louis wanted to get in closer in case he had to protect Indow, but decided that he could always swoop around and help her if she needed it.

Just like back in Book 1 when you were totally ready to warn Rain of any danger, eh?

As they approached the end of the city, they spotted a horse farm with at least two dozen horses of various colors out in the open.

• Define the "end" of a city.
• Why the fuck is there a farm inside the city? Is this place build like Constantinople or something, where the outer city wall included a fair bit of open land?
• Why do this highly conspicuous flying nonsense in the first place if you were gonna switch to horses before you even left the city?

They descended toward the horses, Indow and White Raven opening up the fence gates while Louis, Lithmenar, and Jordahn got the horses, stepping on a few potatoes that littered the field.

Why are there potatoes just lying around? Can't be a potato field because potatoes are under ground.

Louis considered asking about the potatoes, since he'd only seen a few foods on Sin that resembled what had been on Earth, and his theory that Sin was a parallel universe was being reassured whenever he saw another similarity between the two worlds.

• Why were potatoes apparently never part of any of the fancy meals you had these past months?
• You do know that potatoes didn't exist in medieval Europe?
• What does the existence of familar crops have to do with anything?

As they were putting saddles on the horses, Lithmenar asked Louis a question:

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?" Louis responded, getting on top of the horse as his armor finished retracting into the gauntlet.

"Being able to hold the one you love in your arms."

Friendly reminder that Lithmenar never scored.

Louis didn't answer at first, not wanting to make Lithmenar more depressed.

I refer you to my previous gif.

He then looked over at him and replied, "It's the sort of thing that I wish everyone could feel; especially you, Lithie."

Lithmenar nodded and smiled.

Glad we had this wonderful discussion.

As the group rode out towards the grassy plains of the north, they spotted quickly that they were being followed.

Oh, so they were already outside the city. That makes more sense with regards to the "horse farm". I just got confused because the writing was so inept.
Shouldn't there have been a city wall, though? If there was one Indow's levitation spell wouldn't have gotten her high enough to cross, and if there wasn't one there wasn't really a reason to fly in the first place.

Royal guards had spotted them throughout the town and knew what they were planning, so they had already gotten their horses prepared and launched forth towards them.

They knew, and yet did nothing to stop the escape from happening in the first place.

When the group looked behind them at the force of guards coming at them, they couldn't help but gasp in awe of their pursuers. Each time they looked, it appeared as if more had come and their numbers swelled to unbelievable proportions.

You know, you can't really assemble a fucking army on horses in secret and spring them as a surprise.

"Accursed beasts..." Jordahn groaned under her breath.

Oh, shut up, you cavegirl.

Knowing that they wouldn't simply outrun the growing army building up...

Why? They probably carry heavier loads and have to ride in formation.

... the five decided that there was only one course of action for them to take - the insane course of action.

Oh, so now you're lowering yourselves to roflstomping the mere mortals?

From the perspective of the army, all they could see were five people on horseback advancing crazily back at them. All of a sudden, a wall of fire erupted upwards in between the two forces, blocking their view of each other!

Naturally Indow ends the whole encounter with a single spell.
Why were they running again?

As the fire died down, the army advanced forward, not able to see any of their prey. They checked the skies to see if they had flown up again, but there wasn't any sign of them. The only things that were around were grass, trees, and the wind. The lead members of the army moved forward a little, looking around to see if the five had just ducked behind something to hide, but to their dismay, there were no such places.

Oh, I guess the curbstomp will have to wait. They've ran away after all.

The leaders had the army split off in two directions, one continuing off into the north while the other half returned to the city in case the five had doubled back in the confusion caused by the smoke and fire.

Apparently Aigol is a two-dimensional side-scrolling level.

A minute or so after the army had left, next to a tree, the five quickly became visible again. Indow collapsed to her knees, panting and sweating as Louis went to her side to help her.

I'm not even gonna think about how useful Group Invisibility would've been in earlier chapters.

"Holding... for... so... long..." she wheezed.

Louis rubbed her back and held her close, smiling and reassuring her:

"Don't worry, Indow. It's safe now. You really saved us back there."

You could've killed everyone without breaking a sweat. But I guess you love seeing your sweatheart being all sweaty and exhausted.

Lithmenar groaned and rubbed the side of his head. "The next time you wish to speak with your mind instead of your mouth, could you do it quieter? Discussing plans telepathically is... draining and painful."

Oh, that's just your brain tumor.
And look, Linkara (the author) remembered that catgirls have a monopoly on telepathy for some reason.

"Oh, I don't know. I actually found the experience of speaking with my thoughts to be freeing in a way," Jordahn commented.

When did this turn into Gundam 00?

"It... was still... trying... when coupled... with the... Invisibility... Spell..." Indow panted.

Wait. So you didn't explain "I'm gonna make us all invisible. Just do nothing, and they won't notice us" before casting the spell?

"I don't suppose you'd care to explain how we were still able to see things while we were transparent, could you?" Louis inquired.

Linkara, everyone. Immediately knows the ins and outs of an Enter Dream spell without having to ask anything, but is puzzled by the exact physics of an Invisiblity spell.

"What do you mean?" Jordahn asked, confused by what he was saying.

"If we had been truly transparent, then light isn't getting into our eyes for us to see," Louis explained.

"That's because we weren't actually transparent, we were simply not visible. The Invisibility Spell shrouds a person or persons in a way that moves them outside of the visible spectrum."

"However, the spell isn't powerful enough to be reshaped, broken, or changed in any way, so when someone moves around or breaks the concentration of the person casting the spell, you become visible again," White Raven explained.

But Indow moved back in Book 1. Or is this drawback only for the group version?

(Also why is White Raven explaining all this magic shit? I wanna hear more of Indow's sexy panting, dammit.)

"I have cast too many complex spells today..." she groaned.

Calling it now: She's gonna pass out during some big fight, probably against Thesia.

"Well, you certainly did a great job, Indow. The idea of using some flammable powders, lighting it up to block their sight of us, and then running over to this tree to cast the Invisibility Spell was great," Louis said.

Wait, the wall of fire wasn't magic? When and how exactly did you set this up so quickly?

*

Louis was actually getting a little tired of all of the travel.

The stakes have never been higher, my friends.

Once in a while, traveling long distances with limited food while being pursued by bloodthirsty enemies can be interesting.

However, Louis had come to the realization that the majority of his entire stay on Sin had been horses, traveling, and sleeping outside. Louis had been looking forward to sleeping in a bed and eating food that was cooked in an oven and not over a campfire when he was in Palnor.

Entitled little shit.

"How long is it going to take to get to Danab again?" Louis asked.

"Probably another day or two for us to reach the border," Indow replied as she poured another bowl of soup for herself. "Hungry?"

I swear, Linkara, if you start whining and bitching about how much you're missing pizza again...

Louis shook his head. "I've had enough soup for a lifetime."

"Frankly I don't see what your problem is with the soup. It's simplistic and nourishing, exactly what life should be," Lithmenar stated as he ate another spoonful.

Oh fuuuuck...

"Yeah, for you, maybe. I prefer a wider variety of foods other than broth, meat, and vegetables," Louis responded, closing his eyes.

"You're damn right I'm upset," he said, turning to him. "I'm sick and tired of having to do this - travel around on one journey to the next with a goal in mind, but it's always just out of reach. I'm irritated by always being on the run, someone chasing us down with the hopes of killing us. The Darkness did it, the Terafell Arbiters did it, those Shadow things are doing it, and now we're being hunted by your people, Lithmenar! What kind of shithole planet is this, where the sum total of one's existence is moving around being chased by God knows what and never knowing whether the next day will be your last one?!"

Great. Time for him to bitch and moan about his terrible fate again in a way that has no actual impact on anything.

(Also just kill those guards if they annoy you so much.)

Louis sighed and bit his lower lip. "I'm sick of feeling this way. I don't want to be the one complaining about things. I'm an optimist! We're not supposed to do this! We're the ones who combat evil with smiles and cleverness, not complain about the little details."

You talk about being an "optimist" like it's an ethnicity.

"My God, I must have the Shinji Ikari complex..."

My God, he's gonna educate us about another dumb term that doesn't actually exist...
Any bets on how much of NGE he'll get wrong? My bet is everything aside from "Little shit pilots giant robot".

"You know how on Sin, there are theater plays and such? Well, we have them on Earth, except sometimes they can be done entirely with drawings instead of real people."

We can do it, but only sometimes.

"One is called Evangelion..."

Maybe if you only look at the Japanese logo and ignore all the moon runes.

"... and its main character is one Shinji Ikari. Shinji Ikari has had it rough - his father left him when he was young, his mother died, and he's now chosen to be the world's savior."

Wow, he actually seems to know what he's talking about.

"The problem is that, because of the various emotional and social issues that he has, he acts depressed and whiney all the time."

(This brings to mind that one Superman comic where he went ballistic on a fictional character for daring to be depressed and suicidal.)

"The Shinji Ikari complex is something I invented after finishing Evangelion."

"Essentially, the complex is where a hero, instead of thanking the world for what he has, decides to complain and whine about his life."

What's the matter, Shinji? Don't you feel like thanking the world that everyone is goo now and your sweetheart has turned into a giant angel monster with a vagina on her forehead?!
Now go back into the Lovecraftian nightmare monster that's powered by your dead mom's soul and stop being such an ungrateful little shit. JFC, the nerve of this kid...

"I have so many great things here on Sin - a girl who loves me, good friends, adventure, and the ability to fly through the air while kicking the asses of bad guys, and yet all I can do is complain about the fact that I get chased around a lot. What I need is a good ol' reminder about what it is to be an optimist and a generally upbeat guy."

"Attack positions!"

The mandatory Linkara angst session is over. We now continue with our regularly scheduled program.

The two snapped their heads in the direction of the voices. There were a group of soldiers approaching them, but in the darkness they couldn't make out how many there were.

That's a somewhat specific form of darkness, but why not?

Jordahn and White Raven went for their weapons as Indow slowly stood, still sore from the amount of magic she had used earlier.

How about our hero Linkara opening a can of whoopass for once in this god-forsaken book?

From what the group could tell, there were at least six soldiers in the group, two of which carried bow and arrows.

You know, if you can see what they're wielding, you can probably make out how many there are.

Their leader, indicated by the sturdy helmet around his head, approached to within twenty feet of Louis and raised the falchion in his hand.

I don't think they're good soldiers if only one guy is wearing a helmet.
Unless the others have feeble helmets.

"We have come for Prince Lithmenar. The royal family wishes to see him," he said, glaring at the five.

Why the sudden attempt at diplomacy?

"Well, you may kindly tell my parents that I have no desire to see them! I order you as Prince of Sam Tun Fahl to withdraw immediately and call off your search!" Lithmenar yelled as he stood, one of his hands on a throwing knife in preparation for a fight.

Cute. He thinks he has power.

"I'm afraid, Prince Lithmenar, that after you fled the city, your title and succession were revoked by the King and Queen and can only be reinstated by them when they see fit. As such, your orders are meaningless to me," the knight responded.

I don't think that's as sick a flex as they think, seeing how they're without an heir now.
Unless my other conspiracy theory is also true and he does have an evil (twin) brother after all.

"We were told that there was a boy posing to be the Linkara with the Prince. There is no proof to suggest that you are, in fact, the Linkara," the lead knight said, trying to call Louis' 'bluff.'

"I can quite clearly and honestly tell you of how I slew the Darkness with these blades and how I fulfill the prophecies that your people seem to be having some trouble with."

Oh yeah? You got any proof?

"We are having no difficulty with the Linkaran prophecies."

"Oh, really? Then why do you have a King and Queen who tax unreasonably and murder in cold blood in my name? These are not the lessons that I wanted the people of Sin to follow."

Your arguments don't make sense. The prophecies say nothing on how to be a good ruler, and nobody in Aigol knows anything about you yet.

"The Prophecies written by Teradel would disagree."

"What Prophecies written by Teradel?"

"The Prophet Teradel wrote expansions to the original Linkaran prophecies in 712 since you did not offer the people guidance in any other areas of our lives. They were based on Purist concepts and the Dogma of the Old Man, the scriptures of the Prophecy released posthumously after the Linkaran Man's death."

Great. They're Fantasy Mormons.
Though at least they realize that the prophecies are dogshit as a Bible.

"See the girl over there? She's a Linkaran Priestess and she's never heard of the Dogma of the Old Man or the Teradel guy."

"The First Church of the Linkara and other Five Lands churches refuse to acknowledge the validity of the Dogma of the Old Man, claiming them to be forgeries invented by Purist leaders several hundred years ago. The Teradel Prophecies outline your long-term plan for the people of Sin and how we should live our lives, from all the ceremonies of meals to when we should marry and how."

So the continent is just called "Five Lands"? That's weird.
And shouldn't the main religious text already talk about this shit?

"No offense, but that sounds ridiculous. The reason that the Linkaran Man never wrote about how I wanted you to lead your normal lives is because I don't care how you people lead your everyday lives."

"The Linkaran faith fails at one of the main pillars of any religion!"

"As the Linkara, I command you to call off your search and please leave us be. Otherwise I shall be forced to strike you down or knock you unconscious, prospects that I don't find appealing."

We both know you'd love it.

The knight stared into Louis' eyes, trying to see any evidence of him lying. The knight had been in the service of the Royal Family for two decades now and had learned how to tell if a person was lying simply by looking into their eyes.

That's... cool, I guess.

Some suspected that his ability to foresee truth and dishonesty within people's eyes was left over to him from his grandparents, both of whom had been magic-users.

What's with the suddenly backstory for random NPCs?

And so, the knight merely stared into Louis' eyes, narrowing them every once in awhile in a search for the truth. He could find no evidence of lying within Louis' eyes, and that was good enough for him.

I'd love to see you try and explain this to the king.

"All right, then. Men, we're moving out," he ordered.

"But, sir-" one of the knights tried to say.

"Hold your tongue! We obey the will of the Linkara!" he snapped at his subordinate.

You're so dead, mate.

Louis grinned and turned to the others. "Somehow, I knew that that was going to turn out all right. Guys, break out the food supplies! I feel like celebrating the return of my optimism!"

*

"Was that wise, sir? It is very likely that we will be punished for our failure to retrieve the Prince."

The lead knight shook his head as he and his troops rode back to Palnor. The night sky was now obscuring most of the view, the moonlight the only thing illuminating an otherwise pitch-black area.

Could you at least give these blokes names if you want us to give a shit about them? You even gave that one dwarf from Book 1 a name, and he did fuckall.

"Even if he wasn't really the Linkara, he confirmed something that I have wanted someone to say for a long time - that the taxes and means of control that the Royal Family force upon the peasantry are wrong and should be stopped."

Oh, you're super dead.
And how did Linkara "confirm" anything? He just gave his subjective opinion on your tax situation. Or can your mutant powers detect objective truth within subjectivity?

"I have allies in other parts of the army and I believe it is finally time we did something about our mad rulers. We will begin by-"

The knight never got a chance to continue speaking. A knife had flown out of the shadows of night and imbedded itself into his mouth, severing his tongue and spine at the same time.

More Thesia keikakus or something?

The black-clad form moved from one area of shadows to another, blending into them as if it was a part of them.

Great. Can't wait for her to once again wet her panties at how according to keikaku everything is going.

The next to die was the second in command.

Whoever that is.

As he attempted to rally the forces back into a cohesive fighting force, the form leapt up onto his horse and grabbed him around his head, pulling it back and revealing his neck. The form brought a large knife up and slit it across the soldier's neck, cutting into his vocal cords and managing to even scrape the bone.

Would've been cool if it used those tricks on the heroes.

The form moved too quickly to be targeted, going from one knight to another and stabbing its distinctive knife into spines, hearts, and brains.

The knife hasn't actually been described yet aside from being "large", but rest assured that it is distinctive af.

Each move that the form made was accurate and purposeful; doing whatever it felt was the best way to dispatch with that individual.

A bit late to make it threatening again after the weaksauce performance last time.

As the final body hit the ground, the form stepped into the light, closing its eyes and looking around to make sure that no one had born witness to it or the things that it had done. The form reached into its black vest and pulled out a piece of paper, finding the nearest knight and placing the piece of paper just inside his armor, enough to make it noticeable but not blow away in the wind. After the person took one final look around, it leapt back into the night shadows and disappeared.

How spooky and mysterious. I can't wait Thesia to explain her genius a couple scenes from now.

*

The next day, the group went out towards Danab without further incident from the army that had been looking for them. Louis figured that the person that they had met last night had been sincere in his compliance with his order to have them stop pursuing him.

Or a giant-ass army isn't really good at hunting down a much smaller force.

However, the truth of the matter was that the Royal Family had called off the search early in the morning and recalled the army back towards the capitol of Sam Tun Fahl, fearing that Lithmenar was going to attempt to have the assassins of Danab invade openly and put an end to their land.

Thanks for that piece of information, Mr. Omniscient Narrator.
A few scenes ago you guys were willing to tear apart an entire city, just because Lithmenar might be in it. Now you just give up due to paranoia. Makes sense.
Also why does everyone's reaction to a potential invasion in this series involve holing up and not reinforcing the border the invasion has to be coming from? You guys are fucked if you let the enemy pillage and loot your countryside.

"We'll want to be inside of their borders before nightfall. If we tried to cross the border at night, they'd think that we were attempting an attack on them and would kill us without a second thought. If we're lucky, we can find one of their patrols and explain the situation to them," Lithmenar explained.

LMAO, this sounds even more like Fantasy North Korea.

"You know, I'm actually having second thoughts about this. Do you really think that the five of us are going to be able to get the jewels from them through words?" Louis asked, concern in his voice

What happened to "The enemy of my enemy", eh?
Also if you're worried about the others you can just do everything yourself. I doubt they can stop you if you just start breaking bones until someone tells you what you want to hear.

"It seems your optimism has failed you, Linkara!" Jordahn laughed as she rode along with the others.

Even she can point out the inherent problem with being an optimist.

"I actually feel that it would be an honor to face an assassin in battle! If what Lithmenar says of them is true, then they possess warrior skills unequaled by any Kien that I've met!"

And there goes my newfound respect for her.
Could you guys like stop hyping up the next group of bad guys as being the biggest badasses that ever lived? You know as well as I do that they're just gonna suck ass like everyone else.

"Well, you seem awfully cheerful for someone who expressed how much she despised riding these horses," Indow giggled, equally smiling with bliss.

You know, this horse shit wasn't funny the first time around. We get it, she thinks horses are evil or something. Now get on with it.

"I'm not sure what it is, but I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from me and I could conquer the world with only a single axe's blade!" she chuckled, taking in a deep breath.

"It's the flowers," Lithmenar said, pointing out the various white flowers that seemed to encompass most of the countryside.

"What's that?" White Raven inquired, also smiling.

"The pollen of the flowers comes out during this time of the year. When it's breathed in, it makes one feel... happy! The effects only last for so long as you're exposed to the pollen, but it's a great feeling, isn't it?" Lithmenar explained, chuckling, himself.

You know, maybe you should warn people before reaching the weed flowers.

"Well, forgive me if, for a change, I'm not feeling the enthusiasm," Louis said as he bit his lower lip.

Time for the mandatory reminder that Earth humans are genetically different from Sinian humans

"That's unusual. It usually takes only a few minutes worth of the pollen before someone feels elated," Lithmenar pointed out.

"I'm not like everyone else on this planet, remember? My biology is different from the rest of you. All I'm feeling is a bit of dread and worry about what's happening," Louis replied.

Why do you even ask when you already know the answer?
And stop blaming the flowers on feeling a bit bad after hearing "These guys might not kill us if we ask nicely enough!"

Lithmenar was cut off by the fact that his horse had suddenly stopped itself and thrown him off of its back. Lithmenar, in his pollen- induced happiness, was more calm and determined than normal and was focused enough to save himself from the situation.

Because being stoned outs you in a heightened sense of concentration.
Also you just bragged about your sick Wuxia thief skills. I'm pretty sure you can fall off a horse without breaking your neck no matter how happy you are.

"That was fun!" he laughed.

"What happened?" Louis asked as he got off of his horse.

Lithmenar shrugged. "My horse just suddenly yelped and stopped."

He saw that. Everyone saw that. He just wants to know if you have any idea why it did that.

The group noticed that the horse was slowly crouching down and closing its eyes, falling asleep. Indow and White Raven got down from their own horses and walked over to the horse, noticing a small barb sticking out of its neck. White Raven leaned down and pulled the point had some liquid on it, so she brought it closer to her nose and sniffed, raising an eyebrow.

"It's liquid Gethric powder. Unlike the powder, it needs to be placed directly into the blood for it to be effective," she explained.

So someone ruined their element of surprise by date-rape-drugging a horse instead of one of the enemy combatants. Heaven forbid even one of the fellowship will have to skip a fight.

"But who-"

Jordahn didn't need to answer, since the person in question leapt in between all of them.

"Ha-HA~! Surely with that vicious horse taken care of, I shall be able to slay all of them!"

What a fucking idiot.

She was female, but her nose and mouth were being covered by a mask of some sort held up in a chain behind her head.

So you can tell she's a lady by her nice rack.

She was about 5'5" with grey eyes that had a gold outline.

Fucking Mary Sue.

Also you can tell that she's an important character because we have to suffer through an entire paragraph hearing about her awesome animu outfit.

Her long hair, which had the back of it tied in a ponytail while the rest just brushed her shoulders, was a combination gold, red and orange, resembling tree leaves in the fall.

That's at least not blonde, but close enough in my book.
Though you might make the argument that it's ginger, but that's also pretty völkisch IMO.

She had a black blouse and miniskirt...

Neither of which should exist in this time period.

... but her legs were covered by some sort of combination of trousers and stockings.

They'd probably have to be closer to shorts for you to notice that there are stockings to begin with.


I guess he means some kind of breeches?

Her arms had belts wrapped in certain areas, while her ankles and wrists were covered in black leather armoring.

So she was designed by Tetsuya Nomura. Got it.

Flowing behind her was a black cape, but it appeared to be easily detachable.

So it's a Luchador cape.

Her feet, instead of being protected by shoes, had sandals on them.

Sandals are shoes. And I thought it was a bit chilly here.
Also stockings and sandals sounds almost as terribel as tennis socks with sandals.

The five looked at her eyes, which seemed to be accentuated by makeup, almost as if it were to make them look longer.

Just in case you had any doubts about her being hot.

She then narrowed these eyes and went for Louis first. For once, Louis was too slow and the woman punched him in the face and sent him sprawling to the ground.

I think he was just too distracted by his dick to defend himself.
Also last book a grown man punched him in the face with probably a gauntlet, and Linkara didn't even flinch. I think he's fine.

Indow brought her hands up to cast a spell, but the woman grabbed a pouch from her belt and tossed it at Indow.

Time for more date rape drugs!

The pouch opened, sending dirt and dust into her face. She squeaked in pain as it hit her eyes and made her sneeze. She wasn't able to focus her magicks.

Or sneezing powder.
Why not the date rape drugs? She clearly has the stuff, and so far it knocked out everyone fast and efficiently.
Maybe it's so she can show off some different cool trick or gadget to take out everyone.

White Raven reached for the woman's arm, but when she grabbed an area in between the belts, she gasped as she felt something slice her hands and fingers.

Sounds like a great way to cut yourself.

The last still standing was Jordahn, who had managed to get the lightest axe in her arsenal.

If she's the last one, what happened to Lithmenar?
And how many axes does this bitch have?

However, instead of trying to attack, the woman threw her knife into the ground and nodded her head.

"Forgive me, but I needed to knock you out of the daze created by the pollen. That terrible plant is the reason why I'm wearing a mask."

You know, I'm pretty sure you could've said that earlier. Though did Lithmenar forget to mention some side-effects, or why do you think this shit is dangerous?
And of course the only character so far who managed to single-handedly curbstomp the entire fellowship is actually a good guys who was just trying to help

Louis groaned as he pulled himself up, seeing the others who had been knocked down do the same.

Dude, that should've hurt her a lot more than it hurt you.

The woman looked to Louis and nodded her head. "My name is Hirode. I was chosen to come into Sam Tun Fahl, locate Lithmenar, and escort him to Danab."

How convenient.

"What about the rest of us?" Jordahn asked, stepping up.

"You can come along if you wish, but I'm only here for Lithmenar," Hirode responded.

I'm sure your boss loves it when you return from your missions with a flock of random people.

"Wait a minute, what are you going to do with him once he gets to Danab?" White Raven inquired, stepping up closer.

"If you're implying that we intend to hold the Prince captive, I can assure you that we do not take hostages. We're assassins, not beasts," Hirode reassured, narrowing her eyes.

"We don't take hostages. We're professional killers, after all!"

That's not as reassuring as you think it is. Does Linkara (the author) even know what an assassin is?

"I'll go," Lithmenar said, moving towards her.

Of course the paranoid guy on the run trusts the first strangers who want the exact same thing as his evil parents.

"Hang on!" Louis interrupted, grabbing Lithmenar by the arm and pulling him close to whisper in his ear. "Lithie, are you sure about this? From what I've heard about these guys, they're not exactly known to be the world’s most courteous hosts! They're assassins, Lithmenar! What reason would they have to help you? What's in this for them?"

TBH you heard their story from the cartoonishly-evil royal family. They probably exaggerated a bit because they impose slightly lower taxes on their shit-covered peasantry.

Lithmenar shrugged. He looked past Louis' shoulder at Hirode, attempting to discern any hidden meaning in her face. However, the emotionless stare of the assassin gave away nothing to him. He returned his gaze to Louis.

I'm pretty sure she's still wearing that mask.

"Frankly, at this point, I'd rather trust a society of murderers than trust my parents. I'm going."

I can see how you survived so long as Aigol's Most Wanted.

[wulfenlord]

VORP preparing to open the next chapter
https://youtu.be/5ra2AUl5JrQ?si=bZE128RwOX_m8SZv&t=137

shit-covered, rag-wearing sub-human troglodytes wallowing in their own filth and misery

So they're like the members of #complicit. (nice wordfilter ) But joking aside, this might just be Linkaras view on medieval peasantry.

So they have a kind of constitution, with a council whose job it is to tard wrangle the king (for some reason) - but the only one who can actually do that is the chancellor (because he's also the supreme military leader)

Also the head assassin

But instead of making the king his bitch

Again probably Linkaras autistic worldview. You can't usurp the King, he's the King! Like how you can't drive if you don't have the driver's licence in your pocket.

Also why the fuck does every fucking city have secret rooms and hideouts for thieves

Dude, don't you play any historically accurate vidya? That's just how it was like back then.

Wanna show that Lithmenar is a cool thief now? Have him yeet a melon at someone,

This shit made me wince, too. In a proper world with consequences he'd have to play his Level 1 Thief one-handed from then on.

The people of Aigol can apparently mass produce wanted poster with pictures.

To play the devil's advocate, it's fucking magic

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

VORP preparing to open the next chapter

Oh, I've had that look for a while now...

Again probably Linkaras autistic worldview. You can't usurp the King, he's the King! Like how you can't drive if you don't have the driver's licence in your pocket.

That would mesh with the uncommon restraint and respect that Linkara tends to show towards kings in this series. He seems to have an instinctive understanding with fellow fascists.

This shit made me wince, too. In a proper world with consequences he'd have to play his Level 1 Thief one-handed from then on.

In a proper world with consequences he would've never gotten to the melon yeeting because his sensei would've ended up dead in a ditch the moment she shoved his bodyguards.

To play the devil's advocate, it's fucking magic

Except the worldbuilding so far has made no mention if/how the Linkaran sorcerer-priests do anything with their magic outside of battlefields.

(Aside of the teleportation transport network, but than one is reserved for important characters.)
(Oh, and I guess Raven's magical white spray-paint for her Dark Knight armor.)

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 3, Chapter 13 - Assassins
(Or: Secular Irano-Spartan Eco-Communist Goth Killers)



Are you ready for Murderland?! I sure am not.

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.

RecapShow

I'm starting to get the impression this book is deliberately fucking with me.

So Lithmenar's revised and expanded backstory doesn't really cause any reaction from anyone besides Indow, which just triggers their usual catfight (where they - aka mostly Lithmenar - just ramble incoherently about religion/nobility with no resolution). I'm glad that we spent an entire chapter on this.
Then the whole backstory stuff is tossed aside completely, as everyone remembers that they are supposed to be in grave danger atm (for some reason), and need to get the hell out of town ASAP (for some reason).

Now everyone having unwarranted fear for what can only be cannon fodder is weird enough. It's like Linkara (the author) is following some trope while blissfully ignoring that his main character could turn these guards into a mountain of corpses between scenes.
But what is even weirder is their escape. Despite every other house having some kind of secret thief hideout there's no secret tunnel to get in and out of the city, so Linkara demands that they must fly - even though the description of this group levitation spell makes it sound pretty vulnerable and incapable of actually floating high enough to get over a wall. I'd say it's also conspicuous af.
In a saner world, I'd give them about five minutes before the arrows start flying, but thanks to the power of narrative convenience they make it out of the city without encountering any resistance - or a wall, for that matter.

But as soon as they've stolen some horses on a strange farm with random potatoes thrown everyhwere, they are chased by all the fucking Rohirim, and decide to finally kick some ass.
And by "kick some ass" I of course mean "distract them with a pyrotechnics display and have Indow cast a group invisibililty spell". It's really the running theme of this book that Indow has to do everything, because Linkara has lost his bloodlust between books and is now going for some kind of pacifist run (at least when it comes to humans), and everyone else in the fellowship is pretty much deadweight (unless the plot calls for a quick non-lethal takedown, in which case it's Lithmenar's date rape drugs to the rescue).
And just to make things extra annoying, the book points out that the pyrotechnics display was not done by magic. Even though they couldn't possibly have had the time to set this shit up in advance. I mean, they see they're being chased, smile at each other like retards, and decide to turn around. When did they set up the not-gunpowder/napalm?
Also apparently they used Indow's catgirl telepathy powers to coordinate this complex maneuver of "get behind that tree and don't move or else the invisibility will break". Mana points well spent.

We also get a weird attempt by Linkara (the author) to "scientifically" explain invisibility magic, because Linkara (the character) suddenly starts wondering why you're able to see shit - for you see, as far as he understands you're invisible because light just goes right through you, so your eyes should be pretty darn useless.
As it turns out, you're moved "outside the visible spectrum", which sounds more like it would cause the issue that Linkara has been describing (kinda like how being intangible also goes both ways).
I'd like to say this is the dumbest discussion I've ever read regarding invisibility spells, but I once stumbled upon an autistic D&D discussion about whether or not casting Invisibility on a door should let you see what's on the other side.

The Rohirim disappear from the plot just as quickly as they appeared. Not only do they spread out in the dumbest way possibly to try and hunt down the fellowship (effectively picking two directions and hoping for the best), a bit later they all get orders to return because the royal family is paranoid about Lithmenar joining forces with the assassins of Murderland to invade.
This is all probably part of Thesia's ingenius keikaku, which no doubt requires the fellowship to make it to Murderland and retrieve the Stargate crystals. It's a good thing for her plans that we're still following Book 1's logic of abandoning the border where you expect an invasion to happen.
I hope I'm wrong though, because if she needs these crystals that badly she can just send a Shadow Nazgul or two. Then again, maybe my inferior mind can't comprehend her literal 4D chess.

This is also where we get one of those mandatory Linkara angst sessions. You know the drill:

• They come out of nowhere
• It's mostly just Linkara bitching and whining about how he wants to go home and how hard it is to be an invincible demi-god.
• They are never brought up again

Really just an excuse for Linkara (the author) to point out "See?! He's not a Mary Sue!".
We get a slight twist though, in that Linkara (the character) suddenly realizes that he has failed in his sacred duties as an optimist and succumbed to the dreaded Shinji Ikari Complex!
Unlike with the Cassandra Conflict, he actually does admit that this is just weird shit he made up. It basically goes like this:

• Being sad and depressed is a choice.
• Being happy and optimistic is also a choice.
• Real chads pick the latter option, while whiny little bitches choose the former.

Now you can argue that depression is serious business. That context matters. That he's probably getting cause and effect mixed up.
All I can think of though is that according to this logic, Guts from Berserk is a whiny little bitch because he doesn't have this face in every single panel:


We return to the actual plot with the arrival of an enemy scouting party. Unlike literally every previous encounter like this the enemy does not attack immediately (because as the reader will find out next scene, their leader isn't actually cartoonishly evil), so they do a bit of parley and demand that they hand over Lithmenar.

Now Book 1 & 2 Linkara would probably just crack a skull or two and tell the rest to piss off, but this is the pussy-whipped Book 3 Linkara, so he defuses the situation peacefully, regaining his Mandate of Optimism Heaven in the process.
Except his argument is "I really am the Linkara. Now piss off. Also your taxes are too high", and it only worked because the narrator informs us that the leader of the enemy patrol just so happens to have the mutant power of being a perfect lie detector.


This shit is some kind of highly improbable convenience you'd see in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Fucking Galaxy, but here it's a terrible crutch to get the plot moving. It's played completely straight, only the reader is informed about this, and the only reason this mutant knight is even introduced (besides helping Linkara to get his optimism back) is so he and his entire group can be killed off by a Shadow Nazgul in graphic detail in the next scene (probably as part of the above 4D chess keikaku).
Also he was considering staging a coup because dammit, those taxes are too high.

During this lovely parley we also get some info on the radical Linkaran "Purists", and how they differ from the regular Linkarans - and boy, is it a doozie.
You know how way back when during Book 1, I did an incoheren rant about how the Linkaran faith doesn't make sense because there's apparently nothing to it besides the one prophecy? Turns out this is literally the case.


So these Purists basically took the prophecies of a different prophet to complete their stupid religion. Linkara for some reason decides to defend the Linkaran Man's decision of leaving such a gaping hole in his little religion - because obviously this gap exists because Linkara "doesn't care" how people live their everyday lives.
Except when people call his whore of a girlfriend a whore, then he suddenly starts busting out the commandments.
I'm also pretty sure he will eventually get to verbally tear the Purist priests a new one, which will also go against him supposedly not caring.
If you don't give people some kind of moral template they will find one elsewhere, which is exactly what happened here. If you take offense at them shanking the shit out of sluts you can thank the Linkaran Man for that.

As the fellowship nears the border to Murderland, they run into weed flowers that makes everyone smile and happy - except for Linkara, whose Earth DNA instead makes him about 5% more depressed than usual. Because these books always have to include some kind of weird shit that works differently on him.
Suddenly they are attacked by a masked assassin/ninja chick wearing a schoolgirl outfit designed by Tetsuya Nomura. She handily kicks everyone's ass, which I hope is just because of the weed flower.
Now you might think this'd be a good place for a cliffhanger, but as it turns out the assassin chick is actually a good gal and just wanted to cure them of their weed flower high through shock therapy or something.
I'm pretty sure there are better ways to get this done. This little stunt of hers could've gotten her killed four times over if it went slightly different. Also she never actually bonked Gyaru Casca. She just kinda threw the towel when she encountered a foe she couldn't take down in a second.

So this chick - Hirode - has orders to get Lithmenar to Murderland for unspecified reasons, and he goes along willingly as some kind of "Fuck you, dad!" move.
Also the rest of the fellowship is allowed to tag along so the rest of the plot can happen.

Worldbuilding tidbits:

• Potatoes exists on Sin. Probably only on Aigol since Linkara never noticed them during the various opulent meals he's had.
  Also they somehow prove that Sin is a parallel world or something, whatever he thinks that means.

ChapterShow

"Olac does not usually welcome visitors. You should feel honored."

Danab's capitol, Olac, was nothing like the previous cities that Louis and his group had experienced. Other cities had marketplaces and storefronts, places where needed items could be acquired and purchased. Buildings and homes lined the streets, showing off the architecture and community of the area, giving a clear indication that they were joined together as a common community. That community would be one united under a common occupation or position, usually either of the merchants or the common citizen.

Olac, however, was very different. What few buildings they had were larger than those normally used for housing civilians, acting more as barracks than as private living space. The roads were completely made of dirt, with only a few traces of stone pavement at some spots. The pavements were aged and their maintenance had been long neglected. There were hundreds of people, primarily elves and humans, lined up and being instructed by a single person at a time in what appeared to be marching exercises and weapons usage. Everyone was wearing black and tall trees surrounded and made up sections of the city, protecting most of it from the sun. The city sat in the valley of a group of tall hills, where Louis and his group had first arrived. Those who had never seen it before continued to admire the sight as they walked down to it.

"This isn't what I was expecting," Indow pointed out.

"Yes, I suppose you were expecting some sort of insane system where everyone is passing out money while people die in the streets as a result of rape, murder, or other such activities? The propaganda engines of the surrounding lands have much to say about Danab and yet very little of it is truth," Hirode said with a sneer.

As they walked down the hill, the group took the time to examine the various assassins-in-training. The majority of them were children from varied ages of five to thirteen, all dressed in black leotards and holding similarly styled curved knives in their leg holsters. Those that were perfectly still kept their eyes trained on their instructors, who were demonstrating combat techniques in either melee or distance-based attacks using their knives. Up in the trees, the teachers were leading the older students by swinging across vines and performing a plethora of aerial tricks as they crossed from one area to the next, the students following with ease. Occasionally, one or two would slip or miss, but there were other instructors ready to catch them if they should fall.

"This is incredible!" Jordahn said, watching all of the things around her with an almost fangirl-like interest. "The discipline, the style, the skill, the form! This is how Kien should be training its warriors!"

"I know of your land, warrior. I know of your training techniques, and there is one key difference in what our societies stress," Hirode responded, not even looking at Jordahn as she removed her mask.

"And what would that be?" Jordahn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Kien warriors are trained to win, whereas assassins are trained to kill," Hirode explained, leading the group past another group of students.

The latest group of students that the party was passing was lined up in front of practice dummies. Each dummy was stuck upright like a scarecrow. Parts of the dummies were marked with lines or circles. The trainees, looking to be about ten years old, were using their knives to strike at a single spot, in this case a vein near the shoulder on dummies marked Dwarf in bold-faced letters on the face.

One teacher, a woman in her late twenties, slapped her student because he hadn't cut in the center of the line marking the vein, instead going near the edge of it.

"Every tiny detail is stressed in the training. If they miss, it could mean life and death for themselves and their mission. Perfection must be achieved every time," Hirode further noted.

They walked further, heading for a building that had been cut directly into the largest tree in the city. When they entered, there were people running around everywhere filing papers, writing down things at desks, and conversing with one another on either relevant matters or small talk. All wore black, as well, but the dress seemed more of a conservative business style without any need for weaponry or movement than the students or the teachers outside.

"What's this place?" White Raven queried over the noise of the office.

"The administrative section of the capitol building. Assassination requests come in from all over the world and we must sort them, send out messengers acknowledging them, and then arrange a meeting to confirm payment for the assassination and confirm that they still, at that time, want the person to be assassinated," Hirode informed them.

"How does your economy run simply on assassinations? Where does all the money go?" Lithmenar asked, intrigued by how they managed to maintain themselves.

"Money that is received goes to sewage, weaponry, and imports like food, supplies, and weaponry. Sometimes we'll pay teachers from other lands to come to Danab to give specialized training to our students. We also pay for gifted students to train in other parts of the world for those who are unwilling or unable to come here."

"You import all of your food?"

Hirode lead the group up a flight of stairs. "The soil has not produced viable crops in over fifty years. We have scientists working on the matter, but it's doubtful that we'll able to make our own food supplies."

The new floor consisted of a room filled only with a table, chairs, and other furniture designed for sitting. On the opposite side of the room from where the group had entered, there were three assassins, two men and one woman, sitting at the table along with two men dressed in colorful outfits. As they walked closer to the meeting that they were having, the group recognized one of the colorfully clothed individuals: Enrike.

"Ah!" Enrike said, noticing the approach of the group. "How wonderful to see you all again! How are you all doing today? It's been so long!"

"Not long enough," Jordahn grumbled.

"That stings me right in my heart, warrior! I'd hope that we had bonded a little while we had been together," Enrike spoke, making a fake pouting face.

"I prefer you bonded to your bonds. How did you escape, anyway? When we locked up Lemoneth, you were still down there," Jordahn asked.

"Oh, it was a simple matter of convincing the guards that there was no reason to sit around and guard me while they had repairs to do to their glorious vessel," Enrike answered.

Lithmenar grinned. "In other words, while you were being transferred to a more permanent jail in Torsof, you escaped and made your way here. I was actually expecting you in Sam Tun Fahl."

Enrike shrugged. "Well, my friend, sadly I was not able to return to our land before things got especially bad. I'm afraid the Thieves' Guild has been forced to depart our home soil."

White Raven and Indow snapped their attentions on Lithmenar, who merely winced.

"Thieves' Guild?!" the two women said at the same time.

Lithmenar groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Well, it was a really nice secret organization that we once had."

"Please, it's not like this revelation is a big shocker, guys. The idea of an organized Thief institution isn't exactly an unused one in the entertainment industry..." Louis said, rolling his eyes and figuring that they wouldn't listen to him, anyway.

"Times have changed, Lithmenar. A thief joined our ranks a few months ago, but he lacked a great deal of confidence. He attempted to prove his worth to join the Guild by stealing from the Royal Guard, but he wasn't skilled enough and tripped. They caught him and tortured him for information. He snapped under pressure within only a day and revealed the existence of the Guild. Since they learned of our existence, they set up traps and ways to identify us. Many were captured within the first month, but the majority managed to escape to Danab," Enrike explained.

"Why Danab?" Lithmenar queried.

"Well, if you had taken the time to pay attention to the events occurring in your beloved land..." Enrike mumbled.

Hirode interrupted him. "For several months now, the Thieves' Guild has been in negotiations with the Assassins Guild of Danab to overthrow the Sam Tun Fahl Royal Family and install a new government."

"Well, that sounds well and good, but why haven't you done it yet? I heard that you guys weren't exactly the biggest fans of dictatorships and you look like you've got a big enough army outside," Louis said, pointing with his thumb to the wall facing the way they had come into the building.

One of the male assassins at the table rolled his eyes and looked to his compatriots. "I told you it was a mistake to let the... child along. His thinking is too simplistic, his ideas lacking thought and planning. He leads the outdated superstitions of the oppressors."

Louis narrowed his eyes and glared at the assassin. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"He is referring to the fact that you are the Linkara, the one who was supposedly prophesized to destroy the Darkness. Their faith in you is one of the reasons why they continue such oppression onto the people," Hirode stated.

"As for your misconceptions about our military, understand that those people that you saw out there are nothing more than children. They do not choose what they wish to do with their lives until they reach the age of sixteen, and even then, they are trained to be assassins, not soldiers. Even with substantial numbers, we would never be able to combat a force as great as a land's army. Few of us are trained beyond combating six people at once, and the extended training takes years to master, years that we may not have if things continue the way they are. Sam Tun Fahl's economy will likely fall within the next few years and the instant that it does, anarchy will sweep over Sam Tun Fahl and no one will be able to restore order for several years to come. The only solution before us is instant revolution, to inspire enough revolt among the common citizens to force the royal family out of power," the other assassin explained.

Louis smiled and clapped his hands together, leaning in. "Well, I wish you the BEST of luck with that! As much as I'd like to see you kick the crap out of those bastards, my friends and I came here for a different reason. Your assassins have recently entered Sam Tun Fahl and stolen a collection of jewelry from the Royal Family: some blue crystals that will send me out of your hair. Where are they?"

"What are you talking about?" Enrike asked, his false persona disappearing.

Louis' eyes narrowed once more. "The assassins didn't steal any royal jewels, did they?"

The three assassins, along with Hirode, shook their heads.

Louis walked away from the table, his teeth gritting and his fists clenched. His body was beginning to shake in anger, and his party knew that when he was like this, it was best to get several feet away from him right away. Louis spun around to face the assembled group and roared:

"So let me get this straight: I get the idea in my head to go back home and after failing to find a way back home on one continent, I take a three-month journey to another continent. I develop cabin fever, have to fight off this big-ass squid from a Jules Verne novel, and watch as a friend of mine almost dies from poison. When I finally do get to the new continent, I discover that I have to once again embark on a little journey in order to achieve my goals, but you know what? That's fine, it was supposed to be a piece of cake to just get the crystals I needed and then go back to Earth. However, on the way, I get attacked by a shadow thing that reveals that he has a master who's planning the ultimate conquest and destruction of Sin, but it's not for such a long time that I shouldn't care about it, anyway."

Louis had been pacing during his rant and he stopped to address the assembled group directly once again:

"When I finally do reach the place that's supposed to have the crystals, they tell me that the jewels that have the crystals were stolen by you people and the slip of my tongue reveals that their son is the thief that I've been traveling around with for like a year and try to have me arrested! We barely manage to escape before we're off again on another journey into a hostile land that no doubt will do everything possible to make my life a living hell in order for me to go home, but when I get there, they say that the crystals I was looking for were right back in the place I thought they'd be!"

Louis slammed his gauntlet-covered fist onto the table, splintering the wood that it was made out of.

"Now I'm really sick and tired of being fucked around with, so if you people are lying to me, I'm going to leap across this table and that assassin chick over there isn't going to have nearly enough time to stop me before I wring every one of your necks!" Louis growled in conclusion, pointing at Hirode.

Enrike chuckled at Louis' display while the other thief and the assassins merely kept their straight faces. Louis' friends backed away from him just a tad bit more. Louis himself merely breathed in quickly in order to subside his rage a little. The male assassin who had earlier insulted him smiled and leaned in on the table.

"Perhaps we can come to an accommodation, then, Linkara..."

*

"Negotiate?! They really want us to negotiate with the Royal Family?!" Lithmenar yelled as he paced back and forth in front of Louis.

"That's option number one. If the negotiations fail, we're supposed to try to rally the people into a full rebellion against them," Louis replied, lying back on the large branch.

Since the city was located in the middle of a large forest, Olac's infrastructure was built into the trees. They had emulated this living from the Elves, who lived in trees in order to be at peace with nature and its surroundings. The assassins did it because it allowed for simplicity of living while also not requiring a great effort by people trained to build homes, since their economy couldn't support a great number of buildings, roads, and other such things. The trees were fantastically huge to begin with, having branches that could be anywhere from five to twenty feet wide. Lithmenar sat down next to Louis on the large branch, staring at the opposite tree where Hirode was performing some kind of battle ritual. She was wielding a single sword and swiping at opponents she saw in her mind's eye, constantly blocking and advancing on things not there.

"What puzzles me is that the population hasn't rebelled to begin with. The sort of treatment that my parents give them would've made anyone in Ai or Torsof so angry that they would've gladly gotten a sharp splinter from a tree and fought the royalty with that, yet it's almost as if the people lack any kind of will or spirit anymore," Lithmenar pondered.

Indow came out from the opening behind them holding a tray of food. She sat down next to Louis and placed the tray in front of them.

"It's mostly fruit and vegetables since meat's so hard to bring into the country without it spoiling first, but it's better than stew," she said as she started eating some of the food at the edge of the tray.

Louis picked up some of the food as he looked out at Hirode.

"So what's her story? She doesn't seem to act like the other assassins here," Louis asked, pointing at Hirode.

Indow looked over at Hirode as she spun a series of knives around in her hands. "Well, I was curious, too, so I asked some of the other assassins about her. Apparently, she wasn't born into the Assassins' Guild, but was adopted by it later. She was born into the service of a nobleman along with the rest of her family. However, her mother was suffering from a disease of the mind and as time went on, she eventually grew more and more mad. At the age of twelve, Hirode was raped by one of the nobleman's sons and became pregnant. However, the rape cut the final string of sanity for the mother and she eventually became recluse in her room. Seven months into her pregnancy, Hirode went to her mother in the hopes of comforting her and rekindling her mind; however it was too late. The mother killed Hirode's unborn child through a vicious attack with a knife and then killed herself with the same knife. The nobleman, fearing scandal, had Hirode healed, but expelled her from the city. She wandered into Danab and they took pity on her. They adopted her into the Guild and trained her as an assassin."

Louis blinked and slowly looked over at Indow. "Is it just me or does everyone on this planet have some sort of dark, depressing past or secret that forces them into deep emotional trauma at some point in their life?"

Indow tilted her head slightly and asked, "What do you mean?"

Louis shook his head and resumed eating. "Never mind."

*

Hirode tilted her gaze down near her foot, seeing a hand emerge from under the branch. Jordahn climbed up onto the branch, Hirode ignoring her entrance when she noticed who it was. Jordahn smiled as she saw that she had reached her destination and pulled her axe out from her back holster. Hirode swung her knives around in her hands and then struck forward into the air, cutting them out and pulling them back to her holsters.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" Jordahn asked, hoping to start a conversation with her.

Hirode merely nodded. Jordahn crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, fascinated by the assassin before her.

"White Raven had to have serious healing done to her hands after she grabbed you. What's inside of your shirt?" she inquired.

"Shards of broken glass," Hirode answered as she closed her eyes and continued her exercises.

"It must be a very delicate process to keep the shards from stabbing your skin. However, that is not why I'm up here. I'd like to spar with you for a bit," Jordahn explained.

Hirode turned and looked at her, confused. "Why?"

"Oh, a couple of reasons. First and foremost is the fact that I haven't really fought a skilled warrior for months now and would like to actually do it for a change. Also, when you attacked us, I never got a chance to really see which is better: the Warrior or the Assassin," Jordahn replied.

Hirode took a few steps back from her and then bowed in respect to Jordahn. Jordahn did a similar gesture to Hirode and brought one of her lighter axes to bear. Hirode pulled out two throwing knives from behind her cape and tossed them at Jordahn, the spinning blades heading right for her shoulders. However, Jordahn brought her axe up and deflected the first knife with the blade of the axe while the metal hilt of the weapon blocked the other one. Jordahn stepped forward and swung her axe across Hirode's chest, but she had already leapt backwards and out of reach of the blade.

"I admire your people, Hirode. You possess a drive that I wish had been more prevalent among the Sand Warriors of Kien during my time," Jordahn pointed out.

Hirode came forward and slashed with one of her knives at Jordahn's legs. However, she jumped up and out of the way and brought her axe down at Hirode's skull. Hirode blocked it with one knife and then tried to slash at Jordahn's legs again, but Jordahn bounced back and out of reach, twirling her axe around once in her arm.

"As I told you before - our methods of conducting matters are entirely different. Kien believes in victory and honor, while Danab trains to kill and only kill," Hirode stated.

Jordahn charged forward once more, but Hirode leapt up and grabbed onto the branch above her. While Jordahn was spinning to attack, Hirode swung down and kicked Jordahn in the side, pushing her onto the branch. Hirode got down, picked up one of her discarded throwing knives, and flung it at Jordahn. Jordahn rolled to the side as the knife hit the part of the branch where she had been a moment ago. She then got up and pulled out a throwing axe, returning the gesture to Hirode, and tossed it at her face. Hirode dashed out of the way as Jordahn got herself back up.

"And yet it's done with honor! I saw the regulations that you set on for assassinations. They outline what sort of assassinations cannot be done and what assassinations should be done. Assassins do not like assassinations based purely on greed or if the assassination would cause a region to destabilize. Your assassinations against political leaders, though highly profitable, are done only if they feel it's in the best interest in that land," Jordahn rebuked.

Hirode charged at Jordahn with a sword that had been on her back. Jordahn swung with her axe, but Hirode ducked out of the way and lunged with her sword. Jordahn sidestepped out of the way, but Hirode slashed out to the side towards her legs again. Jordahn jumped up and brought her axe down between her legs, slamming the heavier weapon against the sword and pushing it into the body of the tree.

"Your attempts at 'fighting fair' as you do only lead to weakness. What is a warrior but a killer clothed in the shroud of honor? In the end, an assassin has accepted their reason for continued existence - their lust for death. We are as morbid as those who act as coroners, fascinated by death to the point that we try to inflict it upon those around us in order to see in a single instant what happens at it. Assassins have accepted this, but your Kien warriors are clouded by idealism."

Jordahn glared at Hirode and shot her fist towards her face. Hirode moved faster, however, and quickly undid her cape, moving out of it so fast that Jordahn was attacking the cape instead of Hirode. She lost her balance, falling into the cape as Hirode went around it and punched Jordahn through it. Jordahn fell back, but she still held her ground as she threw the cape over the edge of the branch. As the cape descended towards the ground, Hirode and Jordahn began to circle one another.

"You describe a murderer, Assassin. In my society, one who kills without honor or reason is a murderer and therefore punished. Do you presume to tell me that your society, however advanced in the ways of discipline and warfare, is without those who cause damage to it as a whole?"

"It is easy to be judge, jury, and executioner in a society that has a government, warrior. There is no leadership, no individual or governing body in Danab. Everyone does as they feel they can. If there is a majority that wishes to decide upon something, they decide and that is the finality of the matter. We police our own whenever we can, but it's not easy when those we are policing possess the same skills as the rest of us and therefore are just as powerful as any of us. We are spread out across the world in the hundreds and thousands. We cannot have people watching over the activities of every single assassin."

Jordahn realized that the area around them was beginning to take an orange hue. "Night is beginning to fall. Louis once told us that the sunset seemed different here and, for some reason, I tend to agree with him."

The two hadn't moved for some time now, but they remained in the same poses they had been for the entirety of their spar. They were fighting differently now, looking for some place on their opponent that they were vulnerable, where they could attack and be victorious no matter what their enemy did. It was just as much a psychological battle as it was a battle of strategy. Their discussion was their attempt at attacking their opponent while simultaneously learning more about them on a level different from those of their skills as a fighter.

"You speak of your Linkara with such respect."

"He is not my Linkara. I am a member of the Order of the New Blood."

"If he is not your Linkara, why would you follow him? His continued existence only mocks everything you believe in."

"In some things, all people can be right, whether they know it or not. I believe that the souls and spirits of those whose blood has been shared with mine exist within my body until they wish to surrender to the abyss of nonexistence."

"If you were a true warrior, you would believe in nothing but your axe."

"What?"

"Assassins are taught from birth to not believe in anything except their weapons. Faith is a distraction from what one has to do: fight, kill, and die. When people believe in a higher power, they put something ahead of everything else in their life, causing both their mission and themselves to be in jeopardy. Jelitism is the only sure way to avoid being harmed by the controls of religion."

"My faith makes me stronger, Assassin, not weaker. It reinforces me when I am weak and it guides me through my way of life. My choices are influenced by it but always for the better. What about love? Do your people believe in love, or is that another distraction?

"Love is most certainly a distraction. I've heard of some assassins finding it, but it either isn't very long or they stop being an assassin when they attempt to pursue it. Breeding is a cultural necessity... one that I, sadly, can no longer perform for Danab."

Jordahn blinked, understanding her meaning. "Have you found anything?"

Hirode shook her head. "No, I am just as unsuccessful as you are."

Hirode and Jordahn relaxed. They extended their right hands to one another and shook them, smiling.

"It seems the only way to win was not to participate," Jordahn stated.

"I look forward to doing this again. It was fun," Hirode replied.

*

Louis woke up to the gentle sound of his window opening. After some further rambling from Lithmenar on the subject of attempted negotiations with the Royal Family, the group had settled into their rooms for the night. There were indeed guest bedrooms for the group in one of the taller trees, a prospect that the group enjoyed more than sleeping in barracks. They each wanted their privacy for one reason or another, particularly Louis so that he could gather his thoughts and make plans.

Since there was no reason for someone to sneak into his room through the window when they could just come and knock on the door, Louis immediately came to the conclusion that he was under attack. He slowly moved his right arm up and next to him, commanding his gauntlet to slowly slide out the blade. As he estimated how long it was taking the intruder to slowly step their way towards his bed, he prepared to get into a defense posture and hopefully get off of the bed to scream for help.

Sensing that the person had arrived at his bed, Louis quickly rolled off of it and put his gauntlet up, the blade shining and ready to defend him. His room was dark, but the tiny bits of moonlight that crept through the open window illuminated the form of the attacker in fully black clothing. He was wearing the garb of an assassin and was armed to illustrate that point. The assassin lunged at Louis, a knife ready and willing to cut into him. However, Louis ducked down and brought hit gauntlet up to slice into the leaping attacker. The assassin shifted his body weight to the side, narrowly missing the blade.

The assassin grabbed onto a support pole for the ceiling of the room and spun around it, landing in a crouched position. Louis called out for help as the assassin jumped again. Louis failed to react fast enough, so the assassin tackled him to the ground and pinned his arms down. The assassin held Louis back by using his left forearm as he used his right hand to pull out a knife and raise it into the air to strike down at him. However, Louis still had the use of his legs, so he quickly brought his leg up in a kicking motion and rammed it between the assassin's legs.

Judging by the scream of the assassin thanks to the maneuver, the assassin's gender was male.

The doors to Louis' room burst open as White Raven ran in, her bow up and ready. She shot an arrow at the assassin's shoulder, hitting on target. The assassin fell back and off of Louis, curling up in pain as he tried to remove the projectile that was deeply buried in his skin. Three more assassins came in and lit the candles that were around the room, Indow and Jordahn following close behind them. After the candles were lit, the assassins grabbed hold of their compatriot and pulled him up. They lifted off his mask, revealing a boy around sixteen years old with dark hair and green eyes.

"Terreo?! What is the meaning of this assault against this person?!" one of the assassins demanded to know.

The boy, now identified as Terreo, grinned and looked over at Louis. "I have a message for the Linkara."

Louis stepped forward. "Oh?"

Terreo looked straight into Louis' eyes and said, "The Great One wanted you to know... he hasn't forgotten about you."

And with that, the assembled group heard a crunching sound. Terreo gasped and threw his head back, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as his body went limp in the assassins' hands. The assassins let go of him, allowing his body to fall to the ground. One bent down and checked his pulse right below his ear. The assassin looked up and sighed.

"He is dead. Why would Terreo do this? He was but a simple student. He never expressed any malice towards the Linkaran religion or you," she said.

"Do you think we should head out early?" White Raven asked, doing her own examination of the body to make sure that the boy was dead.

Louis looked down at the body and then shook his head. "Are you kidding? Every time I get comfortable some place, something comes to mess it all up. Well, to hell with that. I want a week's worth of sleep and planning before we go anywhere. So, if you'll all excuse me, there is a corpse in my room that I need to discard of so that I can go back to bed."

Next Time: Time for peace negotiations I guess. I hope there will be more human lie detectors.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

This is what peak worldbuilding looks like, everyone.

RiffingShow

Danab's capitol, Olac, was nothing like the previous cities that Louis and his group had experienced.

I take it the people aren't wearing shit-covered rags?

Other cities had marketplaces and storefronts, places where needed items could be acquired and purchased. Buildings and homes lined the streets, showing off the architecture and community of the area, giving a clear indication that they were joined together as a common community. That community would be one united under a common occupation or position, usually either of the merchants or the common citizen.

I feel like I just got dumber reading this tortured attempt at describing a city.

Olac, however, was very different. What few buildings they had were larger than those normally used for housing civilians, acting more as barracks than as private living space.

Dude, longhouses have been been around for a long-ass time.

The roads were completely made of dirt, with only a few traces of stone pavement at some spots. The pavements were aged and their maintenance had been long neglected.

Wow. It's like we ended up on an alien planet or something.

There were hundreds of people, primarily elves and humans, lined up and being instructed by a single person at a time in what appeared to be marching exercises and weapons usage. Everyone was wearing black and tall trees surrounded and made up sections of the city, protecting most of it from the sun.

Oh, so they're not just assassins, but also militant goths.
Also how come they can maintain their trees, but not their fucking roads?

The city sat in the valley of a group of tall hills, where Louis and his group had first arrived.

You usually build your city on those hills. Rome started like that. If you leave those hills be they will be perfect spots for enemies to build siege engines.

Those who had never seen it before continued to admire the sight as they walked down to it.

"This isn't what I was expecting," Indow pointed out.

What did you expect?

"Yes, I suppose you were expecting some sort of insane system where everyone is passing out money while people die in the streets as a result of rape, murder, or other such activities? The propaganda engines of the surrounding lands have much to say about Danab and yet very little of it is truth," Hirode said with a sneer.

LMAO. I thought this was just Lithmenar being bitchy at Indow again.
Also I don't think being militant goths (and potentially communists because they don't have shops) is necessarily better.
I fear this will only get dumber the more we find out about this wonderful new society, won't it?

As they walked down the hill, the group took the time to examine the various assassins-in-training. The majority of them were children from varied ages of five to thirteen, all dressed in black leotards and holding similarly styled curved knives in their leg holsters.

"Do not listen to the foul propaganda engines of the surrounding lands. We merely train child soldiers and export regicide!"

And there's yet another piece of clothing that shouldn't exist in this setting. Also I think assassin dagger's were more of the straight variety to better shank people.

Those that were perfectly still kept their eyes trained on their instructors, who were demonstrating combat techniques in either melee or distance-based attacks using their knives.

I don't think you're a very good asassin if you end up fighting anyone.
Also knives are a terrible main combat weapon. Even fucking ninjas busted out real weapons if a fight was unavoidable.

Up in the trees, the teachers were leading the older students by swinging across vines and performing a plethora of aerial tricks as they crossed from one area to the next, the students following with ease.

How fucking big are those trees? And how is that Tarzan shit gonna help them in a normal city?

Occasionally, one or two would slip or miss, but there were other instructors ready to catch them if they should fall.

I think you'd need a lot of instructors to ensure optimum safety for your precious little kingslayers-in-training.

"This is incredible!" Jordahn said, watching all of the things around her with an almost fangirl-like interest. "The discipline, the style, the skill, the form! This is how Kien should be training its warriors!"

Don't you guys have an irrational dislike for actually serving in the military? And since when do you care about discipline? You try to kill your captain before the guy can even open his mouth.

"I know of your land, warrior. I know of your training techniques, and there is one key difference in what our societies stress," Hirode responded, not even looking at Jordahn as she removed her mask.

"And what would that be?" Jordahn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Kien warriors are trained to win, whereas assassins are trained to kill," Hirode explained, leading the group past another group of students.

Fuck this is dumb. Also I guess Kien society has changed fuckall in a thousand years.

The latest group of students that the party was passing was lined up in front of practice dummies. Each dummy was stuck upright like a scarecrow. Parts of the dummies were marked with lines or circles. The trainees, looking to be about ten years old, were using their knives to strike at a single spot, in this case a vein near the shoulder on dummies marked Dwarf in bold-faced letters on the face.

Militant goth child soldiers specifically trained to kill based on species. But don't listen to that propaganda engines, okay?
Is that really necessary? I'm pretty sure shanking a motherfucker around his neck region ought to suck big time for anyone, be they dwarf, human or elf.

"Every tiny detail is stressed in the training. If they miss, it could mean life and death for themselves and their mission. Perfection must be achieved every time," Hirode further noted.

I thought you don't care about winning?

They walked further, heading for a building that had been cut directly into the largest tree in the city.

Apparently Murderland is just the fucking Kokiri Forest.

When they entered, there were people running around everywhere filing papers, writing down things at desks, and conversing with one another on either relevant matters or small talk. All wore black, as well, but the dress seemed more of a conservative business style without any need for weaponry or movement than the students or the teachers outside.

Clerks. The assassins have fucking clerks.

"What's this place?" White Raven queried over the noise of the office.

The office of Murder, Inc.

"Assassination requests come in from all over the world and we must sort them, send out messengers acknowledging them, and then arrange a meeting to confirm payment for the assassination and confirm that they still, at that time, want the person to be assassinated," Hirode informed them.

"Do not listen to the propaganda engines. This isn't some sort of insane system where everyone is passing out money while people die in the streets as a result of rape, murder, or other such activities. We do that in other countries."

How the fuck can the demand for assassins be so high that the entire fucking country can revolve around it? And why does everyone lets them get away with it? Where exactly are they being sent? The countries we've actually seen so far appear relatively normal, so I guess it's just in the rest of the world where everyone and their mother is getting killed by militant goth assassins 24/7.

Also will any of our heroes ever point out that this whole operation is kinda fucked up? Or are they too busy "fangirling" over these awesome dudes?

"How does your economy run simply on assassinations? Where does all the money go?" Lithmenar asked, intrigued by how they managed to maintain themselves.

"Money that is received goes to sewage, weaponry, and imports like food, supplies, and weaponry. Sometimes we'll pay teachers from other lands to come to Danab to give specialized training to our students. We also pay for gifted students to train in other parts of the world for those who are unwilling or unable to come here."

You didn't answer his first question, which was the actually interesting one. Who gives a shit what you spend your blood money on?
Though those imports sound strange. Do you actually produce anything in your own country?

"You import all of your food?"

Hirode lead the group up a flight of stairs. "The soil has not produced viable crops in over fifty years. We have scientists working on the matter, but it's doubtful that we'll able to make our own food supplies."

• Scientists?
• Shouldn't this affect the lush jungle you have?
• There's no fucking way to you can keep an entire country fed with pre-industrial logistics alone - even if you had harbors everywhere and administration skills that would make the Romans red with envy, which you don't.
• Being 100% reliant on imports sounds a bit weird considering you guys should be the most hated people on Sin. You're basically Secular Iran, ffs.

The new floor consisted of a room filled only with a table, chairs, and other furniture designed for sitting.

You mean there are couches? They wouldn't even be anachronistic. Even Greeks had them.

As they walked closer to the meeting that they were having, the group recognized one of the colorfully clothed individuals: Enrike.

That's fine and all, but how many of the other people in the room are blonde?

"Ah!" Enrike said, noticing the approach of the group. "How wonderful to see you all again! How are you all doing today? It's been so long!"

"Not long enough," Jordahn grumbled.

"That stings me right in my heart, warrior! I'd hope that we had bonded a little while we had been together," Enrike spoke, making a fake pouting face.

Will this guy ever actually do anything besides being a smug asshole?

"I prefer you bonded to your bonds."

Cool it with the witty retorts, Gyaru Casca.

Lithmenar grinned. "In other words, while you were being transferred to a more permanent jail in Torsof, you escaped and made your way here. I was actually expecting you in Sam Tun Fahl."

Why would the local justice system give a fuck about your stowaway?

Enrike shrugged. "Well, my friend, sadly I was not able to return to our land before things got especially bad. I'm afraid the Thieves' Guild has been forced to depart our home soil."

White Raven and Indow snapped their attentions on Lithmenar, who merely winced.

"Thieves' Guild?!" the two women said at the same time.

You're currently standing in Assassin Sparta. How is a group of thieves working together for fun and profit the most shocking revelation to you?

"Please, it's not like this revelation is a big shocker, guys. The idea of an organized Thief institution isn't exactly an unused one in the entertainment industry..." Louis said, rolling his eyes and figuring that they wouldn't listen to him, anyway.

I take it your amazing stories from Earth have lost their luster a long time ago.

"Times have changed, Lithmenar. A thief joined our ranks a few months ago, but he lacked a great deal of confidence. He attempted to prove his worth to join the Guild by stealing from the Royal Guard, but he wasn't skilled enough and tripped. They caught him and tortured him for information. He snapped under pressure within only a day and revealed the existence of the Guild. Since they learned of our existence, they set up traps and ways to identify us. Many were captured within the first month, but the majority managed to escape to Danab," Enrike explained.

So the Total Thief Death had nothing to do with the cartoonishly evil royal family becoming even more cartoonishly evil. There was just this one retard who ratted you out.
I'm pretty sure this would've happened years ago if Lithmenar didn't tell his guards to let Analee go. Or even sooner if all it takes is for one thief to fuck up and break under torture.

"Why Danab?" Lithmenar queried.

"Well, if you had taken the time to pay attention to the events occurring in your beloved land..." Enrike mumbled.

How about going to a neighboring country that isn't all assassins? How the hell is thise Thieves' Guild even supposed to make a living here?

Hirode interrupted him. "For several months now, the Thieves' Guild has been in negotiations with the Assassins Guild of Danab to overthrow the Sam Tun Fahl Royal Family and install a new government."

That sounds like a bit of an escalation. Will our heroes point out they're just doing this out of revenge because they got caught red-handed and could no longer steal money from other people?

"Well, that sounds well and good, but why haven't you done it yet? I heard that you guys weren't exactly the biggest fans of dictatorships and you look like you've got a big enough army outside," Louis said, pointing with his thumb to the wall facing the way they had come into the building.

I don't think knives are very good against the fucking Rohirim.

One of the male assassins at the table rolled his eyes and looked to his compatriots. "I told you it was a mistake to let the... child along. His thinking is too simplistic, his ideas lacking thought and planning. He leads the outdated superstitions of the oppressors."

Louis narrowed his eyes and glared at the assassin. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Exactly. What kind of commie horseshit is that supposed to be?

"He is referring to the fact that you are the Linkara, the one who was supposedly prophesized to destroy the Darkness. Their faith in you is one of the reasons why they continue such oppression onto the people," Hirode stated.

How and when exactly did you find out that he's the Linkara? Also this has nothing to do with his capitalist mind being unable to proper appreciate the genius of your glorious revolution.

"As for your misconceptions about our military, understand that those people that you saw out there are nothing more than children. They do not choose what they wish to do with their lives until they reach the age of sixteen, and even then, they are trained to be assassins, not soldiers."

That's... not how this works. You don't send your child soldiers through assassin school and then be cool if they want to become carpenters instead.
At least you admit that you're not super soldiers, I guess.

Even with substantial numbers, we would never be able to combat a force as great as a land's army. Few of us are trained beyond combating six people at once, and the extended training takes years to master, years that we may not have if things continue the way they are.

Six people at once? Let me press X on that to doubt.
And how about not training everyone to become an assassin? Teaching someone use a pointed stick or crossbow is a lot faster.

"Sam Tun Fahl's economy will likely fall within the next few years and the instant that it does, anarchy will sweep over Sam Tun Fahl and no one will be able to restore order for several years to come. The only solution before us is instant revolution, to inspire enough revolt among the common citizens to force the royal family out of power," the other assassin explained.

Or you could just wait until after the the country collapses. Anarchies don't really last long once a sufficiently big group of thugs starts taking over the place.

Louis smiled and clapped his hands together, leaning in. "Well, I wish you the BEST of luck with that! As much as I'd like to see you kick the crap out of those bastards, my friends and I came here for a different reason. Your assassins have recently entered Sam Tun Fahl and stolen a collection of jewelry from the Royal Family: some blue crystals that will send me out of your hair. Where are they?"

"I don't care if you guys stage a bloody coup on a sovereign nation. Also can I please have the Stargate crystals?"

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

The assassins and thieves looked at one another, not knowing what Louis was referring to.

I guess Thesia alrady has the crystals, and the royal family just assumed that the assassins where at fault.

"What are you talking about?" Enrike asked, his false persona disappearing.

Really? All it takes for you to drop your smug attitude is for Linkara to say dumb shit?

Louis' eyes narrowed once more. "The assassins didn't steal any royal jewels, did they?"

It's not exactly part of the job description.

Louis walked away from the table, his teeth gritting and his fists clenched. His body was beginning to shake in anger, and his party knew that when he was like this, it was best to get several feet away from him right away.

That latter part kinda makes him sound like an abusive asshole, doesn't it?

And it looks like the giant has awoken. Took him over half the book, but it's finally happening. You denied him his pizza and chicken tendies, so get fucking ready to stare into the FACE OF AN ANGRY GOD.

Louis spun around to face the assembled group and roared:

"So let me get this straight: I get the idea in my head to go back home and after failing to find a way back home on one continent, I take a three-month journey to another continent. I develop cabin fever, have to fight off this big-ass squid from a Jules Verne novel, and watch as a friend of mine almost dies from poison. When I finally do get to the new continent, I discover that I have to once again embark on a little journey in order to achieve my goals, but you know what? That's fine, it was supposed to be a piece of cake to just get the crystals I needed and then go back to Earth. However, on the way, I get attacked by a shadow thing that reveals that he has a master who's planning the ultimate conquest and destruction of Sin, but it's not for such a long time that I shouldn't care about it, anyway."

Also nice of reminding us that you don't care about the fate of this world because you'll be back with your pizzas and chicken tendies when the forces of Chaos invade.

Louis had been pacing during his rant and he stopped to address the assembled group directly once again:

"When I finally do reach the place that's supposed to have the crystals, they tell me that the jewels that have the crystals were stolen by you people and the slip of my tongue reveals that their son is the thief that I've been traveling around with for like a year and try to have me arrested! We barely manage to escape before we're off again on another journey into a hostile land that no doubt will do everything possible to make my life a living hell in order for me to go home, but when I get there, they say that the crystals I was looking for were right back in the place I thought they'd be!"

Things didn't go as planned. Day ruined.
Also how should these assassins care about any of this shit, you fucking drama queen? Why should anyone care? Just because you list your tragic backstory in autistic detail doesn't make this shit any less cringe.

Louis slammed his gauntlet-covered fist onto the table, splintering the wood that it was made out of.

"Now I'm really sick and tired of being fucked around with, so if you people are lying to me, I'm going to leap across this table and that assassin chick over there isn't going to have nearly enough time to stop me before I wring every one of your necks!" Louis growled in conclusion, pointing at Hirode.

Enrike chuckled at Louis' display while the other thief and the assassins merely kept their straight faces.

Louis' friends backed away from him just a tad bit more.

They know to keep their distance, or they get the hose again.

"Perhaps we can come to an accommodation, then, Linkara..."

How? And why? Just tell him to go fuck himself and have his little temper tantrums somewhere else.
And shouldn't you guys have a question or two regarding the whole "Invasion of the Ruinous Powers"?

I also did a quick check, and those crystals/jewels won't show up until about 60 pages later. Just my luck.

*

"Negotiate?! They really want us to negotiate with the Royal Family?!" Lithmenar yelled as he paced back and forth in front of Louis.

"That's option number one. If the negotiations fail, we're supposed to try to rally the people into a full rebellion against them," Louis replied, lying back on the large branch.

It'll fail because the royal family is cartoonishly evil, but it can't hurt.
Just make sure not to send anyone who would be missed, 'cause I can guarantee they'll only return as a decapitated head.

Since the city was located in the middle of a large forest, Olac's infrastructure was built into the trees.

Should've told that in the previous scene. And you do know that all of that imported food needs roads and shit, right?

They had emulated this living from the Elves, who lived in trees in order to be at peace with nature and its surroundings.

So elves in this are ripoff Silvan elves from LotR.
And you do know you can do all of that while having real buildings, right?

The assassins did it because it allowed for simplicity of living while also not requiring a great effort by people trained to build homes, since their economy couldn't support a great number of buildings, roads, and other such things.

I'm pretty sure it takes more effort to build fucking tree houses and carve fucking rooms into trees than it does to just build medieval frame houses.
And again, how his this food import gonna work if you don't have the actual infrastructure to transport and store it?

The trees were fantastically huge to begin with, having branches that could be anywhere from five to twenty feet wide.

Just say the place is full of fucking giant sequoias. You're not making it very easy picturing this fucking place, so I'm just gonna go with this for the time being:

Lithmenar sat down next to Louis on the large branch, staring at the opposite tree where Hirode was performing some kind of battle ritual. She was wielding a single sword and swiping at opponents she saw in her mind's eye, constantly blocking and advancing on things not there.

Just say she's doing a kata or something.

"What puzzles me is that the population hasn't rebelled to begin with. The sort of treatment that my parents give them would've made anyone in Ai or Torsof so angry that they would've gladly gotten a sharp splinter from a tree and fought the royalty with that, yet it's almost as if the people lack any kind of will or spirit anymore," Lithmenar pondered.

If I were to hazard a bet , I'd say it's because of the kind of irredeemably evil organized religion you've been bitching and moaning about every time you and Indow exchange words.

Indow came out from the opening behind them holding a tray of food. She sat down next to Louis and placed the tray in front of them.

"It's mostly fruit and vegetables since meat's so hard to bring into the country without it spoiling first, but it's better than stew," she said as she started eating some of the food at the edge of the tray.

This worldbuilding is starting to get on my nerves.

• I find it hard to believe that the lush rainforests of Murderland are somehow devoid of any edible flora and fauna?
• I find it even harder to believe that munching on a fucking strawberry is somehow superior to eating stew.
• I also don't buy that raw fruit and vegetables is less perishable as meat. Even the people of the Middle Ages knew how to prepare that shit to last months

Can't these Irano-Spartan commie assassins not import fucking sheep? They don't take a lot of effort and maintenance to become fat and happy. Or are you telling me that this nonsensical forest wasteland doesn't have grass?

Louis picked up some of the food as he looked out at Hirode.

"So what's her story? She doesn't seem to act like the other assassins here," Louis asked, pointing at Hirode.

She's the only real assassin character introduced so far, so I'll have to take your word for it.

And are we doing that thing again? Having one character - probably Indow - giving us a summary of a new character's backstory and motivation? Linkara (the author) must really hate characters whose secrets are revealed organically as the plot progresses.

"Apparently, she wasn't born into the Assassins' Guild, but was adopted by it later. She was born into the service of a nobleman along with the rest of her family. However, her mother was suffering from a disease of the mind and as time went on, she eventually grew more and more mad. At the age of twelve, Hirode was raped by one of the nobleman's sons and became pregnant. However, the rape cut the final string of sanity for the mother and she eventually became recluse in her room. Seven months into her pregnancy, Hirode went to her mother in the hopes of comforting her and rekindling her mind; however it was too late. The mother killed Hirode's unborn child through a vicious attack with a knife and then killed herself with the same knife. The nobleman, fearing scandal, had Hirode healed, but expelled her from the city. She wandered into Danab and they took pity on her. They adopted her into the Guild and trained her as an assassin."

I suspect either this nobleman is the current chancellor (whatever his dumb name was again), or this backstory will never be brougth up ever again. At least we got more rape, and that's all that matters.

Louis blinked and slowly looked over at Indow. "Is it just me or does everyone on this planet have some sort of dark, depressing past or secret that forces them into deep emotional trauma at some point in their life?"

Indow tilted her head slightly and asked, "What do you mean?"

Louis shook his head and resumed eating. "Never mind."

You know, pointing out that you keep repeating the same tired character concepts over and over doesn't make it more endearing.

*

Hirode tilted her gaze down near her foot, seeing a hand emerge from under the branch. Jordahn climbed up onto the branch, Hirode ignoring her entrance when she noticed who it was.

Don't you guys have ladders or something for these comically large branches?

Jordahn smiled as she saw that she had reached her destination and pulled her axe out from her back holster. Hirode swung her knives around in her hands and then struck forward into the air, cutting them out and pulling them back to her holsters.

Do you guys always do weird weapon tricks when you meet someone?
Also they're sheaths.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" Jordahn asked, hoping to start a conversation with her.

I feel like fuckhuge trees you have to climb around like you're Jack on the Fucking Beanstalk make for a terrible place to seek spontaneous conversations.

"White Raven had to have serious healing done to her hands after she grabbed you. What's inside of your shirt?" she inquired.

"Shards of broken glass," Hirode answered as she closed her eyes and continued her exercises.

Seems like a bit of liability if somewhere where to punch or hit you with a stick, instead of trying to grab you.

"It must be a very delicate process to keep the shards from stabbing your skin. However, that is not why I'm up here. I'd like to spar with you for a bit," Jordahn explained.

Hirode turned and looked at her, confused. "Why?"

Maybe she wants to fight someone with an actual corporeal form for once in this book.

"Oh, a couple of reasons. First and foremost is the fact that I haven't really fought a skilled warrior for months now and would like to actually do it for a change. Also, when you attacked us, I never got a chance to really see which is better: the Warrior or the Assassin," Jordahn replied.

"Also the author has realized I need to do something besides bitching and moaning that I'm stranded in the future."

And judging by the typical fight choreography so far, I suspect Gyaru Casca will keep charging while the assassin chick will keep jumping/dodging around, with some knives thrown around (because that makes a lot of sense for a sparring match).

Hirode took a few steps back from her and then bowed in respect to Jordahn. Jordahn did a similar gesture to Hirode and brought one of her lighter axes to bear.

How many axes do you carry around, anyways?

Hirode pulled out two throwing knives from behind her cape and tossed them at Jordahn, the spinning blades heading right for her shoulders. However, Jordahn brought her axe up and deflected the first knife with the blade of the axe while the metal hilt of the weapon blocked the other one.

Did you ever try using a shield?

Jordahn stepped forward and swung her axe across Hirode's chest, but she had already leapt backwards and out of reach of the blade.

You do know you not supposed to kill your sparring partner, right?

"I admire your people, Hirode. You possess a drive that I wish had been more prevalent among the Sand Warriors of Kien during my time," Jordahn pointed out.

You were by far the worst of the bunch, you silly cow.

Hirode came forward and slashed with one of her knives at Jordahn's legs. However, she jumped up and out of the way and brought her axe down at Hirode's skull. Hirode blocked it with one knife and then tried to slash at Jordahn's legs again, but Jordahn bounced back and out of reach, twirling her axe around once in her arm.

I don't think axes lend themselves for cool acrobatic combat moves.
Also I dare you to try and parry an axe swing with a fucking knife. And why do these assassins and thieves keep aiming for the legs? That's like the farthest body part to be aiming at with your short blades.

"As I told you before - our methods of conducting matters are entirely different. Kien believes in victory and honor, while Danab trains to kill and only kill," Hirode stated.

This doesn't become less dumb if you keep repeating it. You're comparing apples and oranges here.

Hirode got down, picked up one of her discarded throwing knives, and flung it at Jordahn. Jordahn rolled to the side as the knife hit the part of the branch where she had been a moment ago. She then got up and pulled out a throwing axe, returning the gesture to Hirode, and tossed it at her face. Hirode dashed out of the way as Jordahn got herself back up.

Yeah, that' ain't fucking sparring.

"And yet it's done with honor! I saw the regulations that you set on for assassinations. They outline what sort of assassinations cannot be done and what assassinations should be done. Assassins do not like assassinations based purely on greed or if the assassination would cause a region to destabilize. Your assassinations against political leaders, though highly profitable, are done only if they feel it's in the best interest in that land," Jordahn rebuked.

Ah, so they're ethical assassins. That makes everything okay.

So the market for assassins is still profitable enough to support an entire country if you're picky af about whom to kill?

Jordahn jumped up and brought her axe down between her legs, slamming the heavier weapon against the sword and pushing it into the body of the tree.

Oh, so the sword failed where the knife succeeded.

"Your attempts at 'fighting fair' as you do only lead to weakness."

You consider charging your superior the instant he enters your field of vision "fighting fair"?

"What is a warrior but a killer clothed in the shroud of honor? In the end, an assassin has accepted their reason for continued existence - their lust for death. We are as morbid as those who act as coroners, fascinated by death to the point that we try to inflict it upon those around us in order to see in a single instant what happens at it. Assassins have accepted this, but your Kien warriors are clouded by idealism."

Will this stupid pseudo-philosophical nonsense ever get anywhere?

Jordahn glared at Hirode and shot her fist towards her face. Hirode moved faster, however, and quickly undid her cape, moving out of it so fast that Jordahn was attacking the cape instead of Hirode.

That's pretty fucking fast.

"You describe a murderer, Assassin."

"In my society, one who kills without honor or reason is a murderer and therefore punished. Do you presume to tell me that your society, however advanced in the ways of discipline and warfare, is without those who cause damage to it as a whole?"

They can't be very "advanced" in the ways of warfare if they just admitted they can't wage an actual war on the battlefield.
And I presume people who fuck around in Murderland will find out with a few daggers in their ribs.

"It is easy to be judge, jury, and executioner in a society that has a government, warrior. There is no leadership, no individual or governing body in Danab. Everyone does as they feel they can."

I feel like you've got this backwards.

If there is a majority that wishes to decide upon something, they decide and that is the finality of the matter. We police our own whenever we can, but it's not easy when those we are policing possess the same skills as the rest of us and therefore are just as powerful as any of us.

I'm prety sure an order of asassins needs some kind of hierarchy.

"We are spread out across the world in the hundreds and thousands. We cannot have people watching over the activities of every single assassin."

"It's not my problem if one of our own does something evil after we spent years turning him into an unstoppable killing machine. We'll still accept his payment, though."

The two hadn't moved for some time now, but they remained in the same poses they had been for the entirety of their spar. They were fighting differently now, looking for some place on their opponent that they were vulnerable, where they could attack and be victorious no matter what their enemy did. It was just as much a psychological battle as it was a battle of strategy. Their discussion was their attempt at attacking their opponent while simultaneously learning more about them on a level different from those of their skills as a fighter.

Just play chess, ffs.
Oh wait. You guys don't know what board games are.

"You speak of your Linkara with such respect."

"He is not my Linkara. I am a member of the Order of the New Blood."

"If he is not your Linkara, why would you follow him? His continued existence only mocks everything you believe in."

"He earned my respect. By abusing me."

"In some things, all people can be right, whether they know it or not. I believe that the souls and spirits of those whose blood has been shared with mine exist within my body until they wish to surrender to the abyss of nonexistence."

That doesn't really answer anything.

"Assassins are taught from birth to not believe in anything except their weapons."

"You've had your say Assassin, but I'll have mine. You're a rascal. You're a rascal with no respect for warriors. No respect for anything... except your weapons!"

I had to do it.

"Faith is a distraction from what one has to do: fight, kill, and die. When people believe in a higher power, they put something ahead of everything else in their life, causing both their mission and themselves to be in jeopardy. Jelitism is the only sure way to avoid being harmed by the controls of religion."

You do know that religion is a powerful tool to get zealous minions willing to do just about anything against your dehumanized enemies?
Also it's not like the original order of assassins was an Islamic order or anything...

"Love is most certainly a distraction. I've heard of some assassins finding it, but it either isn't very long or they stop being an assassin when they attempt to pursue it. Breeding is a cultural necessity... one that I, sadly, can no longer perform for Danab."

Remember that she got raped and stabbed in her womb?

And I take it these assassins are also autistic.

Jordahn blinked, understanding her meaning. "Have you found anything?"

Hirode shook her head. "No, I am just as unsuccessful as you are."

How do you know Gyaru Casca isn't scoring?

"It seems the only way to win was not to participate," Jordahn stated.

"I look forward to doing this again. It was fun," Hirode replied.

I hope you actually succeed at killing each other then.

*

Louis woke up to the gentle sound of his window opening.

...

Since there was no reason for someone to sneak into his room through the window when they could just come and knock on the door, Louis immediately came to the conclusion that he was under attack.

Or it's just Gyaru Casca navigating through this nonsense city.

He slowly moved his right arm up and next to him, commanding his gauntlet to slowly slide out the blade. As he estimated how long it was taking the intruder to slowly step their way towards his bed, he prepared to get into a defense posture and hopefully get off of the bed to scream for help.

Why are you so worried? We've seen in this book that your armor can perfectly defend yourself on its own.
Also if anything is too much for you, I doubt that screaming for help is gonna do much good.

His room was dark, but the tiny bits of moonlight that crept through the open window illuminated the form of the attacker in fully black clothing. He was wearing the garb of an assassin and was armed to illustrate that point.

(That means he has a knife.)

The assassin lunged at Louis, a knife ready and willing to cut into him. However, Louis ducked down and brought hit gauntlet up to slice into the leaping attacker. The assassin shifted his body weight to the side, narrowly missing the blade.

It's a good thing everyone's so good at dodging close-range attacks, seeing how nobody is using a weapon that can actually parry worth a damn.

Louis called out for help as the assassin jumped again. Louis failed to react fast enough, so the assassin tackled him to the ground and pinned his arms down.

How the fuck did that happen?

The assassin held Louis back by using his left forearm as he used his right hand to pull out a knife and raise it into the air to strike down at him.

Doesn't Linkara have super-strength and and magical armor that electrifies anyone touching him without his consent?

However, Louis still had the use of his legs, so he quickly brought his leg up in a kicking motion and rammed it between the assassin's legs.

The OG Linkara Kick is back, bitches!

Judging by the scream of the assassin thanks to the maneuver, the assassin's gender was male.

Did you just assume the assassin's gender?!

The doors to Louis' room burst open as White Raven ran in, her bow up and ready. She shot an arrow at the assassin's shoulder, hitting on target.

I don't think bows are very good for close-quarters combat, but heaven forbid anyone uses something other than their primary weapon I guess.

The assassin fell back and off of Louis, curling up in pain as he tried to remove the projectile that was deeply buried in his skin.

Apparently assassin school doesn't teach you that trying to yank out an arrow will probably do more harm than good.

After the candles were lit, the assassins grabbed hold of their compatriot and pulled him up. They lifted off his mask, revealing a boy around sixteen years old with dark hair and green eyes.

"Terreo?! What is the meaning of this assault against this person?!" one of the assassins demanded to know.

Not Terreo! I trusted him!

And this might sound like a crazy conspiracy theory, but seeing how the kid's an assassin I'd say there's a good chance that he was just doing his job.

The boy, now identified as Terreo, grinned and looked over at Louis. "I have a message for the Linkara."

Louis stepped forward. "Oh?"

Terreo looked straight into Louis' eyes and said, "The Great One wanted you to know... he hasn't forgotten about you."

This would mean a lot more if you didn't already tell us that this is a lazy ruse.
Also what's he gonna supposed to do with this knowledge? Dude has no real leads on this supposed invasion, and I'd say he's gotten pretty used to random assholes attacking him out of nowhere.

And with that, the assembled group heard a crunching sound. Terreo gasped and threw his head back, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as his body went limp in the assassins' hands. The assassins let go of him, allowing his body to fall to the ground. One bent down and checked his pulse right below his ear. The assassin looked up and sighed.

Though Thesia can just control and kill people remotely? Why isn't she doing this more often?

"He is dead. Why would Terreo do this? He was but a simple student. He never expressed any malice towards the Linkaran religion or you," she said.

Don't you guys hate the fuck out of religion?

Louis looked down at the body and then shook his head. "Are you kidding? Every time I get comfortable some place, something comes to mess it all up."

We both know you'd just start bitching and moaning about the lack of pizza if nothing else goes wrong.

"Well, to hell with that. I want a week's worth of sleep and planning before we go anywhere. So, if you'll all excuse me, there is a corpse in my room that I need to discard of so that I can go back to bed."

That's definitely a normal reaction to having a possessed kid try to murder you before breaking his own spine.

[wulfenlord]

on a strange farm with random potatoes thrown everyhwere

Hey now, it could be just the shitsmeared farmers way of farming, since they just got used to domesticate horses.

It's mostly just bitching and whining about how he wants to go home and how hard it is to be an invincible demi-god.

Ah yes, the Spoony-reaching-his-5000$-milestone complex :3

Now you can argue that depression is serious business.

You can also argue that there are more than 2 genders. It's retarded, but you can.

the narrator informs us that the leader of the enemy patrol just so happens to have the mutant power of being a perfect lie detector.

This activated my wince-circuits.

part of the above 4D chess keikaku

Potatoes exists on Sin. Probably only on Aigol since Linkara never noticed them during the various opulent meals he's had.

Just don't call a soup with them as the main ingredient potato soup.

children from varied ages of five to thirteen, all dressed in black leotards and holding similarly styled curved knives in their leg holsters.

Oh good, Linkara depicting children in skintight clothes that shouldn't exist in the timeperiod. Color me unimpressed by murder skills of a five-year-old. It'd probably end like this.

swinging across vines and performing a plethora of aerial tricks as they crossed from one area to the nex

Also a great way to ffall to your death instead of walking.

and other furniture designed for sitting.

I just lost several brain cells reading this. Thanks.

"Perhaps we can come to an accommodation, then, Linkara..."

Is that how Lewis "wins" arguments in his mind, too? By not receiving a beating for his autistic ramblings?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Is that how Lewis "wins" arguments in his mind, too? By not receiving a beating for his autistic ramblings?

He must think it's the ultimate power move to guilt-trip people. His infamous HoPR rant is pretty much the same thing, except he autistically lists off all the hard work he has to do, instead of autistically listing off every little thing that ever went wrong for him since the start of the book.
Wait. That latter variant is literally his no less infamous rant from his movie

I can almost guarantee you that Kid and Teenage Linkara used this stunt to emotionally manipulate parents and contemporaries alike.
The problem for Book Linkara is that he keeps doing this to people who have nothing to do with his pain and misery, and at least in this case they also have absolutely no reason to give a shit.