Star Whores: Diverse Agenda

[Gendo's Ocular Dickhole]

The seventh episode was apparently so terrible, it even made Grace Randolph bail out for now.
Predictably, they made the Jedi evil + the lesbian space witches were the good guys all along.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

>Jedi evil, witches good

Hilarious enough, that's not actually how events come across. Unless you're one of the narcs identifying with the lesbian space witches, I guess. Most of the flashback was just the first flashback from a different perspective, and it did add nothing to make anything make sense.
The Jedi didn't actually massacre anyone. In fact they wanted to resolve everything peacefully, but had to defend themselves as the witches just kept escalating the conflict with shit like

• mind-raping the Padawan
• having the horned mother go comepletely off the rails and calling the witches to arms for some reason
• having the black mother turn into a shadow ghost out of nowhere
• have all the lesbian space witches join forces to mind control the Wookie Jedi

The Jedi only really the black mother because her little stunt freaked them the fuck out, and everyone else except the horned mother (who just vanished or something) died when the mind control got broken. So much about the Power of Many (tm).

Also they didn't have anything to do with the witch HQ burning down. The flashback confirms this was solely because of that one lamp.
Oh, and when the horned mother went apeshit? That's when she encouraged the evil twin to kill the other twin, thus leading to the lamp.
Which in turn happened because the good twin wanted to leave.

The whole lesbian space witch community collapsed in on itself because one of them didn't want to become a lesbain space witch. The Jedi where mostly spectators, really.
This is like one of those Dwarf Fortress runs where one dwarf goes insane and starts a chain reaction that results in the entire fortress being drowned in an orgy of blood and fire
I also have no idea why Squid Game Guy wanted to tell this story to the evil twin considering the evil twin was right there and has seen everything.

You can also tell the writing is of the utmost quality because the previous mystery boxes don't really make sense with the new information:

• The deep, dark secret that the Jedi wanted to keep hidden from the council? That they met lesbian space witches who went apeshit. That's it, really.
• The reason why the floating Jedi Master offed himself? No fucking glue. He just got mind-raped and had to defend himself from a mind-controlled colleague. How any of this would make him feel guilty, I have no idea.

But I'm sure the final episode will explain everything

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The grand finale of The Acolyte has come.

• Master Squid Game dies, and everything gets blamed on him because we can't have official confirmation of Sith activity due to that "The Sith have been extinct for a millenia" line from Episode 1
• There some lightsaber dueling that might be impressive if the wire work wasn't so inept and try-hard. Also Smylo Ren forgets that he can turn off lightsabers by headbutting them.
• Plus a twin-on-twin martial arts fight that looks absolutely retarded
• Putting on Smylo Ren's mask suddenly causes the Good Twin to pull a Rey Palpatine and unlock her Force potential. She couldn't even use telekinesis before, but now she can see into the future and force choke a bitch
• Also apparently she invents Force Choke, thus fulfilling the stupid "An acolyte kills without a weapon" line that was apparently a prophecy or something?
• Did I say Good Twin? Well she turns evil in this one. In fact so evil she turns a blue lightsaber red. That might be an actual lore thing, but man does it look stupid
• Now that both twins are evil they have to make something to differentiate them, so the OG Evil Twin gets mind-wiped and left behind for some reason
• Smylo Ren is oddly submissive in this one. I guess the writers don't want their sexy bad boys to be too bad.
• Nothing really gets resolved (aside from Master Squid Game finally being free to pursue better gigs), and the whole ending is just a tease for a second season that might not even happen. Not as if anything of value would happen there.
• To appease the consoomers there's a brief cameo of Yoda, plus a short appearance of what is potentially Darth Plagueis doing his best Gollum impression

Also apparently the lightsabers in this show are a lot thiccer than normal, because the props use LED lights and they had to make room for batteries? Just buy glowsticks. They're muc slimmer and ergonomic.

[Gendo's Ocular Dickhole]

Apparently, "bleeding" kyber crystals are a thing now. According to Yidsney, the crystals are now living entities with complex emotions as of 2017, and they can be influenced by the moral alignment of the wielder. In hindsight, I guess Anakin wasn't "evil enough" when he slaughtered a room full of children for his saber to go red. It was so much more simpler when it was just synthesized custom crystals during the KOTOR days.

[rabidtictac]

That sounds especially retarded even by Star Wars standards.

I'm not sith, my lightsaber just had its period bro.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

My lightsaber's pronouns are they/them uwu.

[Kugelfisch]

Can't wait for the rainbow light saber!

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

That's definitely gonna happen in season 2, where one of the twins will probably also invent Force Lightning uwu

[Le Redditeur]

So much new exciting Star Wars lore! Hopefully the editors at Wookiepedia are working around the clock to keep it updated!

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

What's odd is that it was the Evil Twin who used to use the Force to torture animals when she was a kid. Why did she never think about using that on humans?