Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Unless it's a special magical demon disease - in which case 5e probably turned it into some mild debuff.

[mad bum]

Imagine trusting (((paladins)))

[Guest]

What's a paladin?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

A type of filthy colonizer.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Cult-classic Thirsty Sword Lesbians is going German.

The text appears to be mostly a direct translation of the original English elevator pitch, complete with the "NO TERFS ALLOWED" (even though "TERF" isn't actually something you hear in the Krautosphere) and outright lies of the original. They insist that swords or other weapons are somehow important, even though there are like two abilities in the whole game that actually have anything to do with combat. Also not being thirsty or a lesbian is supposedly perfectly valid, even though all the other abilities are about generating relationship drama.
Though of course, it's not quite the same text. They've embiggened it with Gendersternchen (the danger hair and gender studies degree of German writing style). Can't wait to see that social media cancer on a print book, along with the usual dodgy translations that make the rules either too wooden or unclear

And for some ungodly reason they decided to translate the title. They didn't even do that back when Dungeons & Dragons was first translated in the early 80s. Pretty sure the only time you ever see it referred to as "Kerker & Drachen" is in the few episodes of The Simpsons that referenced D&D (because the German translators of that show are lazy bastards who would rather make word-for-word translations instead of actually trying to understand the context of a joke).
Plus the translation is wrong. "Charmante Schwertlesben?" What does being "thirsty" have to do with being "charming"? "Begierig" would be more accurate, and "notgeil" more honest. Guess they didn't want it to sound like a porn title

>Uhrwerk Verlag

What other shit do these yokels offer, anyways?
Fate? Guess this explains why they picked this other Evil Hat Productions dreck. Surprised it's called "Fate" and not "Schicksal", though.
Splittermond? Oh, the newest rival of Das Schwarze Auge. What a bummer.
Space 1889? The big colonizer roleplaying game, except it's about Martian savages instead of African ones? Dafuq? I'm getting mixed messages from you guys, unless the recent editions have made some queertastic changes.

Also not sure why they don't use Kickstarter, instead of this tiny knockoff that appears to exclusively deal with tabletop shit. If Kickstarter is good enough for the shit sold on itch.io, it should be good enough for you.
Though at least they put the "We pay ourselves more money" goal as the second-to-last. Extreme Meatpunks Forever had like a handful of those sprinkled all over the milestones.

[Kugelfisch]

You should know that every kind of savages in fiction is actually niggers. Orcs? Niggers. Marsians? Niggers. Roaches? Niggers. Any kind of subhuman primate? You best believe it's niggers.
Leave it to SJWs to immediately make that connection if any kind of character is primitive and/or aggressive.

[wulfenlord]

Wonderful news for gamers in 2022 indeed. I hope the translation team will take the chance and call the Gaylord expansion "Homofürsten". Though I normally refrain from sharing my fear of hoby assimilation from he SocJus front with my friends, this time I couldn't resist, since it starts to infiltrate the German gaming market.

I received some interesting results after sharing the news uncommented. The most surprising one was from a friend who I know to be in the Green party and though not a full-blown LGBT-ally, I expected him to be versed in the leftist terminology thrown around. He simply said: "That's just fetishism in disguise", followed by "Who is even gonna buy that? It's clearly not targeted at gamers, and the crowd they try to bait aren't gamers or will just play D&D" and "What the fuck has intersectional feminism to do with fantasy roleplaying?"

And boy oh boy, here I thought the breach onto teutonic shores was fresh. Since when has "Feder & Schwert" (the german distributor of (at least the old) WoD been pozzed? It's been going on since CURRENTYEAR+3 -> Roll Inclusivity (nah, I'm not feeling up to translate the Kraut retardation, just one of the "scientific" "essays": Critical hit? More like Critical racism! Contemplating racism in roleplaying games" )

Now, since I am in a grumpy mood, let's check on the Call of Wokethulhu Voice mentioned last month, shall we?

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gr ... aying-game

In Cthulhu Awakens, the “canon” is a lie hinting at the truth: the forces of the Mythos, from its dead dreaming gods to its alien colonizers, have been hidden by a veil of fiction and bias, in tales told to protect the guilty.

So, leftards try to meme about (((them))), only now (((them))) are literal Nazis having disguised themselves as cosmic horror? I'd think harder about that, but I have the feeling my time can be spent better than putting thought into Leftist lore.

Cthulhu Awakens exposes heroes to Alienation, not “madness,” because the Mythos deals in unendurable cosmic truths.

Thefuck. Why don't you include an image of Lovecraft with the instruction to spit on it?

Cthulhu Awakens’ writing and design team includes Sharang Biswas, David Castro, Elizabeth Chaipraditkul, Hiromi Cota, H.D. Ingham, Khaldoun Khelil, Danielle Lauzon, Ian Lemke, Monte Lin, Jack Norris, and Malcolm Sheppard. You can read more about them all in the Creative Team section further down this page.

Do I want to? Those names sound like cereal maskots already... Fine, let's have a look at them.

Woo, you get a pronoun bingo out of this pic (and possibly a sex offender bingo, too) :3

[Rapeculture]

I'm impressed that there are only 2 dangerhairs in that pic. One of the guys is probably ASS, confirmed child fucker.

[Newhalf]

Yeah I'm a ranger and my racial enemy is sand vermin, but when I reach level 5 I might add Blackrock ork to the list.

Also I seriously wonder if a wheelchair bound person would actually want to play a person with non functional legs in a fantasy RPG?
Is there even any data on that?

The idea is that you can play as something you're not, like troons as women etc.

Cthulhu Awakens is for everyone

Except people with wrong opinions, I bet.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Cthulhu Awokens really just exists to piss Lovecraft's problematic fanbase off.
It's ridiculous that these people keep trying to queer up the Mythos, when this will only ever attach their product with the most evil person of all time next to Hitler (according to them, at least).
Why do you even need to queer it up to begin with? They probably couldn't be arsed to do research (since that would require them to read something by Loveraft), so they just go "Everything you know about the Mythos is wrong!"

And who buys RPG books based on how "inclusive" the system/setting supposedly is? Aside from people who never plan to play in the first place, anyways.

And boy oh boy, here I thought the breach onto teutonic shores was fresh. Since when has "Feder & Schwert" (the german distributor of (at least the old) WoD been pozzed? It's been going on since CURRENTYEAR+3 -> Roll Inclusivity (nah, I'm not feeling up to translate the Kraut retardation, just one of the "scientific" "essays": Critical hit? More like Critical racism! Contemplating racism in roleplaying games" )

They should've called this "Check your Privilege".
And what's up with the English/German mishmash title?

Also I seriously wonder if a wheelchair bound person would actually want to play a person with non functional legs in a fantasy RPG?

Most likely not. This is all coming from weirdoes who fetishize being disabled.
It's easy to tell because these people who just need to play as a paralyzed Orc Barbarian also insist that the wheelchair can hover, and that all dungeons should be designed with wheelchairs in mind. Because it's apparently problematic to confront wheelchair characters with problems and obstacles that people in wheelchairs actually experience on a daily basis.

Is there even any data on that?

Feelz, not realz.

The idea is that you can play as something you're not, like troons as women etc.

They don't seem to get that you can roleplay as something you're absolutely not, probably because it hits too close to home.

Cthulhu Awakens is for everyone

Except people with wrong opinions, I bet.

People with wrong opinions aren't people. Just ask MovieBlob