Pat the NES Cunt

[Salmonella]

I'm sure they've had tons of spicy takes about Cyberpunk 2077. which become even better when you realize they'll never play it.

[Guest]

I'm sure they've had tons of spicy takes about Cyberpunk 2077. which become even better when you realize they'll never play it.

The hobo that works at the game store will probably have to deal with people returning the game.

[BobbyBoucher]

Episodes 234 to 240. Running late, I'm 4 episodes behind and haven't bothered with the marathon, yet.

Pat's wrong round up:

• The Animaniacs revival was shit. It dropped all the side characters/skits (Slappy, Goodfeathers, Hello Nurse, etc.) except for Pinky and the Brain.
  • The writers worked in a bunch of "politics" including the Russian election theft conspiracy theory, Wayne LaPierre (really), Tucker Carlson, Edward Snowden, and so on.
  • Pat saw it and called it "very funny, very sharp". Says the animation is gorgeous. (Filthy animation casual.)
  • All the episodes were dumped in November despite the fact some were Halloween related.
• They actually covered Polymega missing its ship date.
  • They reported it two weeks late, because they apparently don't track news themselves and require a loyal army of simps to inform them.
  • They are actually negative on it and discuss all the problems with it.
  • They should've called it out when it switched from FPGA to "hybrid" then to emulation.
  • But they don't scream and make dumb arguments because Tommy Tallarico isn't running it.
• California mask mandate/fines from June apparently did nothing to stop the Patdemic resurgence.

even more amico sperging:

• ep 236, amico seeks investors on republic.co whatever site
  • Pat calls out the use of photoshopped stock images.
    • (Pat wants Tommy to hold a photoshoot during a pandemic?)
    • (Pat had his pal Yoshi computer generate pictures of SNES cartridges for his book.)
    • (Since Pat barely collected for the system, he couldn't use a whitebox for them. Probably used emulators.)
  • Tommy has a video with John Riggs and other YouTubers to promote it.
    • Ian calls it a scumbag move.
    • Pat says it's sleazy.
  • Pat says "we called it" about other videos being pitch videos.
• A simp voice message says Tommy and Victor Lucas did a podcast and there was much dodging of questions.
  • He's done hundreds of podcasts, says Pat.
  • Mocks tommy as a wannabe ceo hosting podcasts with anyone.
  • (I listened to this "interview". It was two friends having a discussion on a variety of topics.)
    • They had worked together on Reviews on the Run/Electric Playground television show.
    • Pat apparently didn't know this because he didn't recognize Lucas' name.
• Arcade 1-up announces Infinity game table for board games.
  • TLDR An $800 32-inch digital board game table gets Pat's seal of approval.
  • It has wifi, but no Ethernet port. They say the games are common/cheap. Ones that everyone already have.
  • They are perfectly calm and reasonable, just proving Pat has a vendetta with Tommy.
• They still refer to Metal Jesus as "our friend" despite shitting on anyone who promoted the Amico.

Twitter:

• Ian retweets Transgender awareness day. (Of course.)
• Someone says adults shouldn't buy PS5s because it takes it away from a child.
  • Ian (and the rest of Twitter) responds: "Fuck all the way off with this hobby shaming horseshit."
• YouTube comments: "I'd like to thank everyone pointing out my weight gain in the comments on YouTube. Many of the pounds have gone straight to my ass, which you can kiss."
• Ian apparently owns a $225 Rode NT1-A microphone, yet can't afford health insurance.

Election shit/politics:

• Ep 236 election day podcast, Pat snidely says something about return to normalcy. (It's going to get worse.)
• Pat praises pollwatchiers and counters.
• Pat says it was brilliant for Biden-Harris to create an island in Animal Crossing.
• Ian retweets "munch me" to someone suggesting reconciliaton over election.
• Ian retweets "I remember leftists years ago saying Trump might refuse to concede and being told they were being hysterical".
• Pat says the NES is old enough to run for President and could be better than what we've got.

Contrivirus:

• Pat broke social distancing rules and went to Frank's for Thanksgiving, endangering his life.
• For Halloween, Pat handed out some Halloween candy, wearing frankenstein mask.
  • Called one mother the worst mother in the world because her kid wasn't wearing a mask.
• Vaccine announced, Pat thinks military will distribute it. (Why? Hospitals can do the job.)
• Pat's friend Tommy in Lousiana has family that are Trump supporters/contrivirus deniers.
  • Pat says they go "part and parcel".
  • Tommy's aunt on life support. Caught it, had stroke. (Did the stroke put her in a hospital or the virus?)
  • "Now their family is finally realizing it."
• Pat's sister and brother-in-law had contrivirus.
  • Sister was tested, but it didn't show up.
  • Pat says she was sick while her husband had it, so she had it.
  • (He never acknowledges testing is inaccurate despite this.)

other shit:

• Game manual archive project.
  • Pat says manuals are expensive, especially if you emulated for a certain guidebook.
    • (Pat's got the money to buy every N64 game CIB. It's only $10k, minus Sculptor's Cut.)
  • Pat says only about half of N64 games have their manuals scanned.
  • Direct quote above: "Some of the manuals are expensive, so even if you own the game or want to play it on an emulator or review it for a certain guidebook."
    • "It's nice to have a reference."
    • "Only half of the [N64] manuals are online."
• ep 236, q&a when does nostalgia become toxic? (aka the pot calls the kettle black)
  • Ian says nostalgia is shit.
  • Ian says when people stop evolving and trying new things. (Pat rarely if ever tries new video games.)
  • "Arrested development." (Pat has a Cabbage Patch doll. Continues complaining about his childhood and toys.)
  • Ian says people come into the store who buy games yet have thousands in credit card debt.
    • (Ian buys video games instead of health insurance.)
  • Customers says they're in debt, but Ian admits he still takes their money.
  • Pat says don't use collectibles as an investment.
    • On a later episode, Ian says he has a Macho Man Randy Savage statue that's been increasing in price.
  • They say other problem is gatekeeping: "You can't prevent a new generation from experiencing something."
  • Pat calls out someeone (the Quartering?) for making 15 She-ra videos, despite spending about 10 hours trashing the Amico and Tommy.
• Cyberpunk delayed.
  • Pat doesn't understand how project managers can let this happen.
    • "They should've seen this coming."
    • He claims he's a good project manager.
    • (Because writing a guidebook is the exact same as managing a $200 million video game across consoles and countries.)
  • Ian was interested in it, but the delay is turning him off.
    • As does the "weird anti-trans advertising." (Of course.)
    • Also says that it being bright doesn't remind him of cyberpunk aesthetic, like Bladerunner.
  • (Reminder, neither have played any of the Witcher games.)
• Spiderman crossover with Tobey Maguire.
  • Pat's fear is that "Sony uses Disney's goodwill to build up Spiderman, then close him off in their shitty spiderverse."
  • Pat blames people who saw Venom. Says they have to kill Sonyverse by not watching Venom 2 or Morbius.
  • "Bleed 'em dry or let 'em run dry so they go back to Papa Mickey."
• Jared Leto in Justice League.
  • Ian calls it a "mastabatory ego project".
  • "This is no longer a movie," says Pat.
  • Say it won't be a director's cut because it's adding a bunch of new footage that wasn't filmed at the time.
  • They seem offended at a something that's aimed squarely at manchildren.
  • Ian says no matter how shitty it is, people will say it's the best thing ever. (Just like the MCU.)
• Stadia "creative director" says streamers should have a license.
  • TLDR they claim streaming doesn't hurt creators, but promotes the game.
  • Ian says the way he worded it is "these streamers are lazy idiots who ride the hard work of someone else." (Accurate.)
  • They say that you can't guarantee a sale was lost, just like pirating movies.
  • Ian admits to watching TLOU2 instead of buying.
  • "Business expert" Pat says he doesn't understand how it would work. Thinks streamer would buy license from company.
    • (Twitch/Google negotiate the license. The streamer and company split revenue.)
• Alex Trebek dies
  • Pat says we don't "celebrate enough intelligence, education, and knowledge in the US."
  • Ian says there's been a real pandering to idiocy in the last few years.
  • "arrogant ignorance" says Pat.
  • (Pat believes police killed Floyd and the Russian stolen election conspiracy.)
• Billy Mitchell being sued by Twin Galaxies for fraud and racketeering for $3,333,360. (Pac-Man max score.)
  • "Ah fuck 'im." says Ian.
  • Pat got a refund over donating to Apollo Legend legal defense in the past week or so. (Apollo cucked, dropped his case, and turned his videos over to Billy.)
  • Pat says it's possible to sue because Billy Mitchell engaged in fraud to build up Twin Galaxies to sell to Jace Hall.
  • "He wouldn't have bought it if he knew the scores were fraudulant," says Pat.
    • (Would people have bought the SNES/N64 guidebook if they knew Pat used emulators?)
• Counterstrike match fixing.
  • Pat says pro athletes wouldn't take bribe because they're rich.
  • Or "they have the moral fiber" to resist bribes. (But not to resist beating their wives or committing murder.)

With Ian's focus on transphobia, he might be breaking out of his shell:

[Guest]

I saw that selfie he took like a woman a few pages back and my troon sense immediately started tingling. 2021 is going to be the year of Ianette!

[Guest]

He can't afford health insurance for regular stuff, how is he going to afford hormones and getting his dick mutilated? (If he had a government job in a liberal state, his insurance would actually cover that stuff, though.)

[Kugelfisch]

Same way all the others do: internet welfare.

As for selling games to customers that are in debt, that's legitimately not his problem. You're there to sell shit, not to play act as somebodies legal guardian.

[Guest]

so ian, is either retarded or homeless, thats what i get from reading these

[Kugelfisch]

He's both. I believe he lives in a box in the storage of that games store he works at.

[da PAC Nigguh]

He's probably Kato Kaelin to Pat's O.J.

[Salmonella]

Who exactly are these guys target audience? I'm nearly 30 and almost always have the opposite opinion of them and find them to be complete sticks in the mud.