NCunt: Black Cocks Only

[Guest]

Encryption

Lindsay's friends are big fans of this one. Gotta keep those hard drives secure.

[Cuckara]

Off topic, but everything that's being discussed is exactly why communism is an absurd fairytale that requires a blind faith that rivals that of the most hardcore religious zealots. A society where every person is given whatever he/she desires only works with primitive tribes, and those primitive tribes will stay primitive unless some sort of conflict encourages them to technologically advance. For a post-industrial society, the utopia that Marx described is completely unattainable, but let's ignore that and pretend that those mystical, Christ-like "true" communists got into power and implemented utopia. The best-case scenario is humanity becomes stagnant, decadent, and aimless (Lovecraft's The Mound is a great sci-fi horror novella that explores this outcome in an underground alien society). What is infinitely more likely to happen is either a collapse and anarchy or authoritarianism and mass murder.

[Guest]

A university professor of mine espoused the idea that Teletubbies was the perfect example of what a utopia would be like for that reason. Because they live in a perfect, carefree world where they have everything they could possibly want, don't have to work or struggle for it and they just frolic around and play all day. They're grown (or they seem grown) but they're mentally children. He said that's the end result of utopia. Because there's no conflict there's no real reason for us to mature mentally

He got a lot of flak from actual utopians who felt he'd demeaned their entire ethos.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I'm a bit reminded of The Rise and Fall of the Trigan Empire, a true pulp sci-fi classic. The protagonists started out as primitive nomads because none of their more advanced neighbors had interest in their little shithole home in bumfuck nowhere. Sure, there had bloodthirsty monsters to deal with, but they knew how to keep them in check with the help of a horse and a pointed stick. This was basically a sport to them.
Then they got bombed by green asians, and they had to become Romans with hovertanks and jet fighters.

[Cuckara]

A university professor of mine espoused the idea that Teletubbies was the perfect example of what a utopia would be like for that reason. Because they live in a perfect, carefree world where they have everything they could possibly want, don't have to work or struggle for it and they just frolic around and play all day. They're grown (or they seem grown) but they're mentally children. He said that's the end result of utopia. Because there's no conflict there's no real reason for us to mature mentally

He got a lot of flak from actual utopians who felt he'd demeaned their entire ethos.

Your professor sounds smarter than the vast majority of university professors. Wells's The Time Machine could also be held up as an example of the end result of utopia; the humans who lived on the surface ultimately devolved into the Eloi, childlike creatures who spend all day carelessly playing. Granted, it's established that the society that led to this did not conform to "true" communism since there was a lower class that devolved into the Morlocks, but it doesn't negate that Eloi are a perfect example of how a society without significant conflict ultimately stagnates.

[pibbs]

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 15: The Breakfast Schlub
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Alrighty! Aunty Luciana drives hundreds of miles to meet her niece in a bumpkin diner somewhere just north of area 51, because of course it is. Cora demands context!

“Yes, well,” Cora said, leveling herself, “I was pretty freaked out over an incident in my house when last we spoke. I asked you to give me some context, and you didn’t. So I ask you again to please give me context.”
“What does context have to do with how you ended up in Nevada?”

The air stilled, and it seemed like the diner had gone silent.

It seemed? You're the author, you don't know?

“You have to tell me everything before I tell you anything,” said Cora. “I’m not some random citizen. I’ve been exposed to your Pequod, and now I’m a fugitive because of it.” At mention of the word “Pequod,” Luciana’s lips grew thin. “You can’t keep secrets from me anymore.”

Flo takes their order.

“I want every pancake in the great state of Nevada,” said Cora to the waitress. “And coffee. Please.”

That's not hyperbole. Bitch need food.
Cora gorges on pancakes (I'm assuming Aunty is paying) as Aunty admits they found “their” landing spot in Guam in 1971. They were cowering inside their ship until someone from the nearby base found them. They believe they surrendered intentionally. Guv'ment forms a MIB thing, aliens whisked away, blah blah blah. We've seen this a hundred times. They call themselves —the Refugee Organizational and Settlement Agency. ROSA.

She held up spirit fingers. Ta-da!

The fuck are spirit fingers? Anyway, for 40 years the retard aliens can't or won't communicate with hooomans.

So, we have retreaded in quite some time so...
This shit again.

“Just different terms referring to different things,” said Luciana. “DHHS called the group ‘Fremda’ because ROSA uses Esperanto code words. ‘Pequod’ is a CIA code word. So are ‘Ampersand,’ ‘Obelus,’ and so on...

Etc. Etc. Etc.
Originally there were 44, but 13 have assumed room temperature. Since, someone asked about their eating habits, here is a non-answer.

”They feed themselves,” said Luciana. “They seem to have a … store.”

Cora the Lesbian does her gender proud.

Cora, dumping some off-brand Aunt Jemima onto her pancakes. She’d barely put the syrup down before she started tearing into the pancakes, hardly bothering to chew.

Why are we rooting for this pig again?

She swallowed her unnecessarily large bite of pancake.

This chick puts Homer to shame.
Aunty explains that earlier that year, two of the leaders start fighting like cats in heat.

Cora downed another, less huge bite of pancake. “In … alien language?”
“Noises, out loud. Language, we presume. We’d never heard their language before. They don’t have mouths, per se, but we knew they had some means of vocalization apparatus.”

They simmer down after ninety seconds.

“So we did. But then ?efo looked right at me and continued making that noise. He was speaking to me.
“Bear in mind, none of them had ever even acknowledged a human presence before, let alone … this! And all I could think was … if this being was a real intelligence, not a drone, and he’d been cooped up in this facility for forty years, he’d finally lost his mind! Because he knew I didn’t understand him.”
Having also been on the wrong end of a screaming amygdaline, Cora empathized.”

They figure he wanted to leave. So, they remove Cefo from the others and throw English books, movies, immersive language courses at him. Should have tried Sesame Street.
Cefo learns a few nouns and basic math, but can't understand how we use symbols. But he was very eager to use pencils. Suddenly, Cora's daddy appears on TV demanding a congressional hearing.

“He’s pushing real hard for a hearing. And his approval ratings are higher than anyone in Congress, so congressional liberals are pushing for it, too, especially for Bush to testify about whether he knows anything.”

Surprised Lindsay didn't write, “but the frothing Republicans are impeding human progress with their tiresome screeching as drool mixed with the blood of the poor slobbers from their flapping jowls.”

Instead...

Cora gulped down the last bit of pancake, already starting to ache from having very rapidly eaten the whole plate. The whole plate.

And we end with...

“I need to check on something first,” said Cora, getting up. “Come with me. Let me make sure everything’s okay. Then quid pro quo.”

Chapter End

[Le Redditeur]

Quid pro quo was the word of last year, wasn't it? Fuck off, Lindsay, you hack fraud.

[rabidtictac]

All of this bitch's writing is so fucking painful.

[MegaNigger]

If look at her life you can actually find a silver lining to her coat hangering her child; the child didn't have to suffer the same, or worse, fate than Vampire slut and Paw's child is suffering now...

[pibbs]

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 16: Lost in Transcription
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Cora returns to her motel room and panics because she is really stupid and forgot & is an invisibility cloak. Though if it had gone, why would she be panicked? Good riddance, right? Whatever.
But behold, there he is!

...wedged between the two beds like an angry cat that had backed itself into a corner.

These metaphors, man. & and Aunty meet.

Ampersand finally got off the floor. “Bring her in.”
“Okay,” said Cora, shooting up off the ground, a new enthusiasm fueled by pancakes.

Would you forget about the fucking pancakes, lard ass? And I'm talking to you, Lindsay.

Cora acts as interpreter because she has the, as Lindsay describes it, “MacIntosh voice” implanted in her head. Which by the way, Lindsay has reminded us of this thing about eight times so far. Another instance of either lack of confidence in her writing, or she thinks her audience is stupid and can't remember.

Luciana stayed in her position of shock even after Cora seated her, as if turned to stone by a gorgon. Ampersand had backed himself up on the opposite bed next to the wall, standing on it in a crouch with his back almost parallel to the floor, his hands up and open like bear traps, hovering on his haunches like he was about to pounce. Not a good look for deescalating tension.

Like the raptor before attacking the T-rex in the visitor center in Jurassic Park? Why is Aunty Lucianna in shock? She worked with these damn things for years.

More terrible writing.

“Ampersand, this is my aunt Luciana.”
“I know her name.”
“I know, but this is called an introduction. It’s a thing we do. The mediating party provides an introduction. Luciana, this is … the Ampersand Event.” She gestured at him weakly. “But I’ve just been calling him ‘Ampersand.’”

facepalm.jpg

“He speaks to me through a device he put in my ear,” Cora explained.

Ninth time, in case you forgot, a couple of paragraphs before.

“They can learn our language,” said Luciana, her eyes still fixed on Ampersand. “They could the whole time.”
“No, they couldn’t,” said Cora. “He says that he was the only one that had some kind of algorithm that could decode human languages.”

Uh huh. Sure.

“Why do you not ask my question directly?”
“It’s called diplomacy,” she whispered. “Things need context.”

Dammit, Lindsay, find another word. People don't use “context” in the context you keep using them. Not everyone is a Hugo nominated YouTube essayist, you know.

And I think his conception of what human civilization is like is somewhat … outdated?”
“How outdated?”
“Ballpark … a thousand years or so.”
The tension in Luciana’s posture began to loosen. “So in that case, it’s fair to wonder why a bunch of religious zealots didn’t immediately declare a group of extraterrestrials demons and stone them to death.”

Gentlemen, prepare to dip your fedoras...

“Well,” said Luciana, her voice still a bit shaky. “Human civilization has changed. Our government is, in theory anyway, secular. We also strive to be both compassionate and curious.

We ain't them mean ole religious, ignorant barbarians. BTW, Ampersand, are you LGBTQ, non-binary, transgender friendly? If not, we'll have to nuke your home planet.

Moving on rehash, rehash, rehash. Bottom line is & wants Aunty to take himself and Cora to the retard aliens being held in the guv'ment building.
I'm just going to skip over terribly written shit like this.

“This Fremda group is also in possession of a Genome that carries Fremdan genetic information. The Obelus Similars will not leave this planet without retrieving it.” Cora repeated him.
“What’s a Genome?” asked Luciana.
“Genetic information.”
Cora repeated him and shrugged. “It’s a Genome.”
“Jesus Christ.” Luciana faced the floor...

The fuck? She didn't actually repeat him, she repeated Aunty's question back to her as declarative sentence.
Question: What's bread?
Answer: It's bread.
This exchange makes no sense. Anyway, Lindsay doesn't have a strong enough grasp on science to make the rest of this interesting. She uses what she learned from sci fi movies and throws her own concoction of techno-sciency-babble in there.

But after 2-3 pages of discussion, here's the plan.
They're going to turn themselves in.

Oh, and & wants to autopsy Cefo the retard alien that broke rank and tried to communicate with the hooomans. But why? Who was Cefo?

Ampersand hesitated. “A technocrat Oligarch.”
Cora paused before repeating this, unsure if “Oligarch” was really the term he wanted to stick with.

Noooo, we wouldn't wanna sound too classist would we?

“Who do we reach out to?”
Luciana sighed and looked apologetically at Cora. “Better call Sol.”

Sol? The Man In Flannel agent from chapter 3? Did... did Lindsay name him Sol just so she could later make a Breaking Bad reference? Oh, fuck this stupid book!
They call Sol, and decide they will all meet up in Santa Barbara.
The chapter ends with a fictional news article from Cora's daddeh. It's 2 pages of not-interesting-in-the-least shit like this:

...bound to cause mass existential crises, and what better way to exemplify mass existential crises in our neoliberal capitalist dystopia than a series of bank runs?
...Of course, we will never know how, or when, such a crisis would have unfolded without these precipitating factors causing massive societal upheaval, but rest assured, this was inevitable. JPMorgan Chase may have been the first big bank to fall...
...I’ve seen many point to me as the individual responsible for their retirement savings disappearing overnight, for their stocks dropping double-digit percentages, for the fact that if they don’t already owe more on their houses than they’re worth...
For the powerful people who caused all this pain and anguish to really, truly be held to account?
Where’s the revolution?

Fuck you.
End of Chapter.