Pat the NES Cunt

[Complicity]

>muh time travel
>muh time ghosts
>muh Advent Children, Dirge of Cerberus and Crisis Core shit
>muh Sora, Donald and Goofy cameos
>muh power of friendship solving everything and flower bitch probably not dying in the end

Squirtnix never fucking learns.

[Keith Chegwin]

My god, all they had to do was remake the old game with fancier graphics and it was guaranteed money.

Nomura's such a galaxy brain that he felt the need to reinvent the wheel. He redesigned the battle system because, in his words, 'You can't just have those beautiful models standing in ROWS'.

This is the guy Square Enix decided needed to be doing more than just designing characters

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Also he's obsessed with having "a combat system that is just like Advent Children" ever since they shat out that fanfic of a movie.

Mark my words: The final entry of this remake (either Episode 3 or Episode 7, depending on how much they pad this shit) will not only end with Erifu being alive, but it will end with a huge cliffhanger ending heralding the coming of Final Fantasy VII-2: Crisis Boogaloo, in which Cloud will join forces with his lover Zack to stop the true villains of this entire sub-franchise: Gackt the Marketing Gimmick and Weiss the Yu-Gi-Oh! Haircut. Thus it was prophesized in the true ending of Dirge of Cerberus.

Also holy shit they did it:
Final Fantasy 7 Remake producer says it's too big for just one modern game

Those choco-fuckers are using a popular excuse cultivated by Eternal Final Fantards to justify them splitting this shit up into multiple games. They're scamming their hardcore fans this way because those hardcore fans believe this is the only way a FF7 remake is even possible.

Wall of Text in case you're boredShow

If you've been hanging out emulation retro gaming forums like I have, you'll sooner or later run into the same threads clogging up the Final Fantasy sub-forum that all these communities have: The "How do you think a FF7 remake should look like?" thread.

Sometimes, these threads are just started spontaneously. Other times, Square-Enix triggers them on purpose whenever they draw attention back to FF7. Like when they released a movie featuring 3 Sephiroth cosplayers so forgettable that only the truest and most honest fans can even bother to remember their names. Or when they release a sequel/spinoff game featuring the adventures of Hinjo the Friendly Internet Ghost.

Whatever the reason for the start of this thread, you always here the same stuff repeated over and over again:

Poster A: "I think they should change X and maybe Y to make the game more modern."
Poster B: "Nonsense! The game is perfect as is! Just polish the graphics, don't change anything else, and it'll be the best game of all time once again!"
Poster C: "ACTUAL LEE~..."

Then suddenly: Silence. Their sperging has attracted Poster C.
Poster C is not like the others. He loves FF7. Whorships it.
He has written dozens of FF7 fanfics. Read hundreds more.
He's played the game for so long that even diehard Disgaea fans would tell him to try something else for a change.
He always grinds so much that he ends the game with 99 of every Materia.
He has tried every supposed secret he could find online at least once, and he's still experimenting, hoping to one day find the secret that would result in Aerith surviving and Sephiroth joining the party.
Somehow, his rose-tinted mind has convinced himself that FF7 is just So. Dense. That a remake in Current Year could never hope to contain its entire scope and majesty in a single game. 1997 was the only year in the history of mankind that such a task was even possible.

Poster C: "ACTUAL LEE~...", he repeats himself. "Remaking FF7 would be too much work! There are so many towns, monsters and quests that it'd be impossible to update the graphics and remake the entire thing in a single game. It can not be done!"

Real talk: Srsly what's up with this shit. Why do people think remaking this particular game is somehow the most Herculean talk in the history of gaming? It's just a bloody JRPG, ffs.

[Le Redditeur]

It was baby's first JRPG to many, hence the autism.

[Guest]

I played FF7 instead of looking for a job and got dumped by my fat Mexican girlfriend. Never beat it.

[Keith Chegwin]

Beat it a couple years ago, and my dad beat it when it was new. Honestly, for all the faggotry that's in the FFVII fanbase I was sort of grateful that Square Enix didn't remake it. You've got all these faggots and teenage fangirls who are like 'OMG Kingdom Hearts. OMG Advent Children. OMG Crisis Core' and just nerdgasming over Cloud and/or Vincent or whatever. But they haven't played the original because 'it looks too old'.

The lack of a remake just kept the whole thing from exploding with faggotry

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Are you for real? The only thing more faggy than the FF7 microcosm is Kingdom Hearts (by virtue of having like 2 releases per year). A remake was not necessary to fag everything up.

[Keith Chegwin]

Are you for real?

Yes

The only thing more faggy than the FF7 microcosm is Kingdom Hearts (by virtue of having like 2 releases per year)

And you don't understand why bringing those fans over to FFVII proper would make the whole thing ten times worse?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Wait, you mean worse than it already is?

[Kugelfisch]

It was baby's first JRPG to many, hence the autism.

It's like a SMB3 with a million MobieBlobs.
I've never played it. I was never interested in it and the megatons of autism it caused further ensured I'd never get bored enough to try it.