NCunt: Black Cocks Only

[Guest]

More like the Buttles.

[Liar Revealed]

B-b-b-but muh beatles

Do you know the easiest way to troll a Baby Boomer? Just insinuate that the Beatles weren't the greatest band of all time. Just to really get them going, say something like, "Eh, the Beatles were okay, I guess. But [insert name of more recent band here] were way better."

[Complicity]

B-b-b-but muh beatles

Do you know the easiest way to troll a Baby Boomer? Just insinuate that the Beatles weren't the greatest band of all time. Just to really get them going, say something like, "Eh, the Beatles were okay, I guess. But [insert name of more recent band here] were way better."

I have done that my whole life using The Police as the inserted, more recent band.
But instead of saying that The Beatles were okay, i always claimed that they were absolute dogshit.
And when the other person showed signs of only knowing Every Breath You Take, i made sure to add "You know that's a song about stalking, right?".

[pibbs]

Truth of the Divine by Best Selling HotDog Girl. Lindsay Ellis
Chapter 6: Science is Feminine!
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

The first paragraph... egad.

Cora awoke with a sensation of pure terror, her heart pounding and the back of her throat on fire. It didn’t feel like the nightmares, it was more like she’d had her mind wrung out like a washcloth before being released from the prison of the subconscious. This was being thrown into a black hole of icy water, miles from shore, swirled in its maelstrom of terror and loss, unable to see anything, unable to feel anything but fear and ice.

Hey, Lindsay dear, imma going to rewrite this over-written crap for you. “Cora woke up to a panic attack.”

Apparently, & is having issues too. His head is “jerking and bumping against the wall.” Cora tries to soothes because something is very wrong. So, he up and gets the fuck out of there. Smart move. Keep going, boy.

Still moving with jolting, halted movements, he stood up on shaking legs, pushing past her like she wasn’t even there.
“Ampersand,” she said. “What’s going on?”
He moved to the window, and in a flash, the metal edges surrounding the glass glowed. He removed the window altogether, pulling it inside and dropping it to the floor. Then he wormed himself outside and up toward the roof.

Cora dashes to the roof where Emo & is staring up at the sky.

BTW I just realized that Lindsay dropped all of Cora's angst about her father and shit from the first book. I guess the critics really got to her laughing at the daddy issues she swore wasn't in there. She hasn't brought it up once in this book. HAHAHA! We win, bitch!

Anyway, something's exploding in space or something.

She looked in the direction he was looking, and within seconds, the sky opened. It was small at first, blinking like the blip of a shooting star, but it expanded, a bright light like a hole was being ripped in reality itself. It looked like how she imagined a nuclear blast might appear if it went off in the sky, the night still black but the light brightening the landscape like an outdoor floodlight. But she could sense it was much farther away and much larger than a nuclear blast. It was already the size of Jupiter. A thousand Jupiters. It was already the size of the sun, a hundred suns. Her simple, human self wanted to ask, “What is that?” But through the wall she could feel the answer: I don’t know.

Cora could sense it was a supernova. I'm not kidding. Look.

she found she could sense what was happening. This was a burst of energy, far away but inescapable, faster than sound, faster than thought. This was a supernova,..

Cue that Oasis song.

The narrative tells us it could take out the entire solar system. Not Cora's narrative mind you. We're being told what it is by the author. Usually, in fiction there's a character to give exposition, but somehow, Cora just knows this. This is lazy writing, by a dumb person. Creative writing 101: You don't write fiction like this.

Then, as quickly as the tear in reality had opened, it receded into itself, the energy pulling back into its concentrated mass, an inverse big bang. The light dimmed, and then it disappeared.
She clung to him tighter. “Are we going to die?”

The fuck if & knows. Cora recognizes supernovas on sight, but & don't know shit. Oh, he does know it's 44 light minutes away though. Fuck you, Lindsay.

The energy got reabsorbed or some shit. Let me guess, the collective thingie of aliens sent a ship or something through a wormhole or something. It'll be here soon to threaten our world? Place your bets.

Their minds return to normal. Ugh.

“We have to go back to the security complex,” she said, looking up at him urgently. “We have to tell them what we know.”

Know what? The info the author is feeding you? Or that gigantic explosion in space? I think they may have noticed, dear.
Anyway they Stewie Griffin transport back to &'s lair.

The next thing she was aware of was a banging sound, one that sounded like a human fist on a door.

It was someone banging on the door.

Like that? See, it was like something, then it was that something. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Military people rush in. Cora is outraged; they breached the agreement of no military people in the lair. Fuck you, and the space raptor you rode in on, Cora.

Cora: Bright light in sky, did you know?
Officer: Yes.
Cora: How? Do you have eyes too?
Officer: No drones.

What?

Officer: What was it?
Cora: Dunno.

Well, thank you for the big help, dumbass bitch.

Big meeting, but Cora says & will stay in here. Not fair you putting him in a room with the meanie aliens. Officer pouts, but ok.

& senses a presence he hasn't felt since....

She put her hands on the bottom of his head, where his “jaw” would be if he had one, bent him down to face her. “You mean . . . Your last living symphyle?”
“ He did this. He is alive. He was gone. I felt it as the blast hit. He was the blast.”

Mmk. Then this non-sense.

“Ampersand,” she said, trying to shake him and failing. It was like trying to shake a boulder. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“ Sending electromagnetic waves through space folds is a technology we have had for generations, but sending matter through the fold, that has never been accomplished in volumes greater than a few atoms. To send matter that large through a space fold, theoretically possible but far too dangerous to ever test. It would require far too much energy. He ceased to exist. I felt it, I felt him die. You felt it, too. ”
“I did,” she said, now understanding her experience that was not quite a nightmare but something like it. His last still-living symphyle had ceased to exist when he folded space. It had felt like his death to Ampersand, and that feeling had been so intense, it crashed through his walls and went straight into her. But then they reappeared on the other side of the fold, once again made whole. Once again still alive.

So Cora goes to the big meeting, where they're all watching CNN. No, seriously. Greatest military in history watching a hack cable news network for intel.

So, CIA Sol comes in and asks what's up?

“Effectively, we witnessed a miniature supernova. But, and I’m guessing human scientists can confirm this, the energy was pulled back into the . . . let’s say ‘hole’ from whence it came.”

HOW DOES CORA KNOW THIS??!! The author told us in narrative!!! No one told her. Unless she absorbed it through &, but he didn't know what the fuck it was at first! And the when he did, he said it was a space-fold! Go, read what he said in the quoted text just above! Who told Cora that was a mini-supernova?!

“Are we in any danger?” asked Sol.
“From the energy burst, no, I don’t think so. We would have if it had kept expanding, but something pulled it back. Some incredibly intense force, like a black hole.”

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A BLACK HOLE??!! First time a black hole has been mentioned! HOW DOES CORA KNOW THIS?!! Is Cora Data from Star Trek now? Was there a hidden repository of science and physics in her brain that's coming alive now? MY GOD!!! THIS BOOK, MAN! Remember, Cora is a first year college drop out. One who wrote off her car, because the fan belt broke back in the first book.


Anyway, she says, & says a person or persons probably came through.

“All he knows is that it’s almost definitely amygdaline, not physeterine.”
“Physeterine,” said Porter as if he were pronouncing a foreign word.
“The name we’ve given to their sister species,” said Dr. Sev. “ Hypothetical sister species....

Oh do shut the fuck up. I guess since the first book fulfilled some self-insert fantasy, Lindsay is playing out her Dr. Who-woman-knows-everything fantasy.

Oh, the press is calling this event “Enola Gay.” I'm really tired of this inane, boring book.

Cora goes to file some paperwork, in triplicate. I'm not kidding.
& fears the alien dudes are hostile because they won't text emojis back to his inquiries or whatever. Fearing a time like this, a section of his leg opens up like RoboCop and he pulls out a device the size of a soda can the shape of a kidney bean. & designed it for human hands. It's an anti-similars EMP pulse thingie. But be careful with it, it will affect & too.

He whips out the Stewie Griffin transporter. And Cora whimpers like a woman from a 1950's Western. Very unfeminist-like, Lindsay.

“No, please,” she said, grabbing him gently by the forearm, at which he gave her a look so harsh she let go and stumbled back. He hadn’t looked at her like that since they had first met. “Ampersand, please, we should leave.”

He fucks off without her.

She watched the space where he had been, holding the pulse emitter like it was her bouquet after she had been dumped at the altar.
And once again, she was alone.

End of Chapter.
End of Part 1.

[Rushy]

I had some brain cells once.

[Le Redditeur]

Good Lord, that's some fetid writing. I mean literally. I somehow can smell the bad sentences one after the other.

[Complicity]

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A BLACK HOLE??!! First time a black hole has been mentioned! HOW DOES CORA KNOW THIS?!!

Cora Ellis is an authority on blacks.

[rabidtictac]

She's not interested in their holes though. She prefers to present hers for their inspection.

I can't withstand more than about two sentences of her radioactive prose without feeling like I'm

being thrown into a black hole of icy water, miles from shore, swirled in its maelstrom of terror and loss, unable to see anything, unable to feel anything but fear and ice.

Also that punctuation is wrong, you dumb cunt. I know that when I type on this website, I tend to let my sentences run on. I'm not trying for perfect punctuation on a shitposting forum. But fuck's sake... 4 commas?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

She wanted to convey the harrowing experience of our brave protagonist. She is not beholden to a masculine way of writing, bigot.

EDIT: Also: is anyone else micro-triggered that her terms for alien species are all lower-case? And sound like medicine?
And how can anyone have a "hypothetical" sister species?

[Guest]

And when the other person showed signs of only knowing Every Breath You Take, i made sure to add "You know that's a song about stalking, right?".

Stalking is cool and smart and if normalfags hate it they're either liars or gay.