Frankly, "Mrs. Freeze" could have the body of a porn star, wear a bikini and lick popsicles; no one is going to buy that trash anyway.
They could replace "her" with an authentic Arkham Freeze (which is really just an authentic BTAS Freeze with grittier armor), and this would to fuckall to salvage this mess.
Methinks they know this is a lost cause, so they're just doubling down on everything to produce as much stunning bravery as possible before the plug is pulled.
If they ever get to Deathstroke he'll be a total twink. Or a fat black guy.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
Watched The Batman (the live-action thing from 2022) so you don't have to.
The Good
The feel: This is probably the most grounded and low-tech live-action Batman yet (with a few exceptions, but I'm getting to it).
The titular Batman: The Dork Knigth in this isn't too bad of a portrayal. He doesn't talk very much and prefers to just stare at you like a total creepazoid - a skill set which Rober Pattinson has been honing to a fine edge in the Twilight movies.
I also like that the World's Greatest Detective actually did quite a bit of detective work.
The Batmobile: The Nolan movies kinda ruined the Batmobie for me because after those movies every Batmobile needed to be some square-shaped wannabe tank piece of shit. Not so much here. Dude just pimped out some kind of race car that sounds like it's possessed by a demon.
The Riddler: Dude is literally me with shittier glasses uwu.
Real talk, though: Despite having the most stupid getup of any live-action Batman villain (and I know that's a high bar to cross) and being more like the villain from 1995's Se7en, dude is pretty fun. He basically wins, and the movie's attempt to portray him as some kind of right-wing conspiracy theory nutjob kinda backfires because his conspiracy theory is the actual truth.
The Bad
Dissonance: Despite being pretty low-tech otherwise, Batman in this still employs bullshit camera contact lenses, and his Batsuit lets him no-sell any firearm short of an alpha strike from a double-barreled shotgun.
And of course, punches are more effective against him.
The length: almost three fucking hours. They should've dropped Catwoman and that one Russian chick.
Catwoman's getup: The catsuit ain't too bad (though a far cry from the Adam West version, though that is unsurprising), but the "mask" is easily the dumbest one used by any iteration of Catwoman ever. Bitch looks like fucking Ebisumaru from the Mystical Ninja games.
The Sequel Hook: Of course there's a teaser for a sequel involving the Joker that will probably never happen, because Warner changes its mind at least 3 times between movies.
The Batarang: It's technically in here, but he only uses it as a knife. Also the batarang is literally his chest emblem, which is just dumb.
The Ugly
Bruce Wayne: Bruce doesn't really exist in this movie. Instead of being a playboy he's just some rich NEET with hikikomori tendencies who doesn't really act any different from Batman, aka he's not talking a lot and prefers to stare at people like a creepazoid - which becomes extra creepy when his favorite object of staring is some orphan shota.
Blackwashing: You don't need to be a MAGA-hat-wearing nutjob to notice that every single "virtuous" Gothamite who isn't directly associated with the Wayne family is black.
Even the only member in some random who has second guesses about beating up an Asian guy is black, which is just about the most unrealistic behavior of any fiction black person. And just to make sure that you know he's black he only has facepaint of one side of his face. I guess in-universe this is done because he's like only an apprentice gang member or something, but I'm honestly not sure why he wanted to join this gang in the first place if he doesn't like to beat up random people.
Catwoman is black, too, but so was one version of the Adam West Catwoman, and the Adam West show can do no wrong.
There's also the only morally correct mayoral candidate who is also a black woman, and it's kinda just assumed she's not a corrupt POC because of her feminie blackness. They even made Bruce not a philantropist in this so this magical negro mayor can make him see the light.
Honestly I'm shocked and amazed that Alfred was *white* instead of being an Indian, or some docile house nigger.
Most bizarre however is the total omission of Lucius Fox, aka the one important black guy in Batman lore.
Also no Harvey Dent, probably due to the conflict of starting out virtuous but then becoming a supervillain.
Gordon's also black of course, but I'm honestly more surprised why the other cops just let him get away with having Batman hang out in crime scenes despite Gordon being literally the only cop who likes the Bat. Dude's not even comnissioner yet. The actual commissioner just never tells him to piss off with his Bat lover.
THE MESSAGE: Two different characters whine about Bruce being a privileged rich white kid who doesn't really count as an orphan because of the whole privileged rich white kid bit (as if a kid who saw its parents get murdered can just buy this trauma away).
Though hilariously, I don't think this works as well as the moviemakers intended it to be. One of the whiners is batshit insane, and the other one all but directly admits to being jealous af and has massive daddy issues to boot.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
Bruce Wayne: Bruce doesn't really exist in this movie. Instead of being a playboy he's just some rich NEET with hikikomori tendencies who doesn't really act any different from Batman, aka he's not talking a lot and prefers to stare at people like a creepazoid - which becomes extra creepy when his favorite object of staring is some orphan shota.
No suspension of disbelief is going to survive no one among the other characters being able to figure out that the rich creepazoid and the bat-suit wearing creepazoid are the same creepazoid.
He basically wins, and the movie's attempt to portray him as some kind of right-wing conspiracy theory nutjob kinda backfires because his conspiracy theory is the actual truth.
Though hilariously, I don't think this works as well as the moviemakers intended it to be. One of the whiners is batshit insane, and the other one all but directly admits to being jealous af and has massive daddy issues to boot.
Those are clearly the product of incompetent writing/lack of self-awareness, not of intent.
I liked the music - Danny Elfmans obviously the gold standard for capeshit soundtracks - but Battinsons score is mostly solid.
Bruce’s arc is supposed to be him being less of a NEET - but my question is how do you segue to the handsome philanthropist. I think Pattinson probably has the acting ability, but it seems like something that will be handled clumsily.
And yeah - Penguin was great - not shocking that the chase at the middle - the high point - involves him.
Jeffrey Wrights a solid actor - but he’s not set up as well as Gary Oldmans Gordon - he’s kinda just some dude.
I did not think the movie was peak. I think it’s ok with some memorable moments involving Pattinson and Farrell. John Turturro is also one of my favorite actors - and I think his Falcone is better than the Nolan version.
Negress Mayor could work if she’s based off of like Lori Lightfoot and descends into corruption. Don’t think this movie has the guts, given they couldn’t go an entire movie without hinting at the Joker.
My thing with Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman is she’s really not that sexy. Like you think back - Eartha Kitt was hot at the time - Michelle Pfeiffer was hot enough where she’s in her 60s and still hasn’t hit the wall (I said what I said) - Anne Hathaway was hot - and to take an even bigger swing - Halle Berry was not unattractive at the time.
If you’re going to insist on Orange Man Bad - you could just go with a Latina catwoman - cast Ana De Armas. I’m sure there was an insistence on no white ladies - so that’s my best idea with those parameters.
Capeshit will never be on the level of the animated Justice League show from the early aughts - or the Batman and Superman shows that preceded it.
I liked the new Batman film was just too long they should’ve ended film with Riddler being arrested and have him be a bigger part of the sequels rather then having another Joker that isn’t Joaquin Phoenix.
I hate young Alfred that character should be an old man not Andy Serkis.
Fuck, I [knew I had forgotten the Penguin.
Though he isn't really integral to the plot - and his presence mainly serves to set up some live-action spin-off series that may or may not happen - at least it was the good kind of padding, where Batman gets to do some batmanning.
The portrayal is pretty on point, and I really only have minor nitpicks:
Why does he go by "Oz"? How many nicknames does one man need? Plus he's a Cobblepot. They used to be part of the same echelon as the Waynes. Have some more ego, mate.
Him running a gay nightclub is giving me 'Nam flashbacks to Gotham Knights. I guess this is way too early in his career for the fancy Iceberg Lounge, but what about an Italian restaurant? Gotham's organized crime meets - and tries to assassinate - each other all the time in those restaurants in both the comics and TAS
I bet his parents got shot in Grime Alley.
Hey, now there's another good thing: No repeat of the origin story. Not even a dream sequence of his mom's pearl necklace getting torn apart.
Negress Mayor could work if she’s based off of like Lori Lightfoot and descends into corruption. Don’t think this movie has the guts, given they couldn’t go an entire movie without hinting at the Joker.
It was directly stated in the movie that the town is so corrupt the mayor doesn't really matter, but who the fuck knows whats actually going on with that mayor. You find out fuckall about her aside from her being black and female.
If you’re going to insist on Orange Man Bad - you could just go with a Latina catwoman - cast Ana De Armas. I’m sure there was an insistence on no white ladies - so that’s my best idea with those parameters.
If they wanted "Latinx" representation they could've included Renee Montoya aka the other good cop.
But just as with Fox's absence, the writers don't seem to like already established POCs, BIPOCs, TRIPOCs and TUPOCSHAKURs.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
There's also the only morally correct mayoral candidate who is also a black woman, and it's kinda just assumed she's not a corrupt POC because of her feminie blackness. They even made Bruce not a philantropist in this so this magical negro mayor can make him see the light.
It was directly stated in the movie that the town is so corrupt the mayor doesn't really matter, but who the fuck knows whats actually going on with that mayor. You find out fuckall about her aside from her being black and female.
<Every city politician is corrupt, except for the mayor
We know it's not hard because it has been done before - the first Blade movie was a decent action flick. However, the Hollywood studios have a competency rot crisis, full Atlas Shrugged style, and apparently even achieving something that simple is a bona fide miracle. Anyways, hopefully they get all fired up by the Acolyte apparent success with the "professional critics" and end up releasing that version that had a bunch of female protagonists and "full of life lessons" - it sounds both hilarious and something that would be financially disastrous to release, which is exactly the kind of product I'd like to see Disney releasing ever more.
