Kassandra Killjoy: Paranormal Private-Eye "The Search for the Swordsman" - A short story cosplaying as a novel by peeRod

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

God fucking dammit, this means episode 2 is out. Back to the salt mines for me...

Yeah, umm, how comes your Not-Camarilla is described as really powerful, but gets their asses whooped by a Teenage Witch ™?

He likes to tell you that the nimrods Killjoy just clowned upon are some of the hottest shit in town, despite the fact they are consitently shown as being about as competent as Team Rocket.

[Kugelfisch]

How would he possibly write a competent character?
That bullet never had a chance to do damage. It's like throwing a tennis ball in space and expecting it to hit a specific asteroid in the Kuiper belt.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

My riff on episode 2 of his weird making-of thing will likely be finalized sometime tomorrow.
For a quick teaser, I now know why the Chinese goth is a Chinese goth, and why ERod insists on the nickname "Mad Chan". I facepalmed, and so will you.

I'm also really noticing the pattern that all of the characters are based on someone else. Very creative.

[wulfenlord]

Dont tell me he tried German phonetics for Mädchen.

Take your time boss, etc. etc.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The time has come for me to suffer more with ERod's video thingie, transcribed so at least you don't have to listen to his stilted voice.
Will we get random bits of lore that should have been in the book? Will he casually drop stuff that doesn't really make sense (like witches apparently not liking alchemy)? Will we get thrilling questions that he has already answerd half a million times before? The possibilities are endless!

The Humble BraggingShow

First and foremost, I'd like to thank all of you for the immense amount of support towards the first video in this series...

Shillax, dude. It only has slightly over 1k views. The only videos on your channel with worse views are your other Killjoy stuff, as well as your first impressions on Vox Machina shit.

... As well as for the continued crowd of this fandom

Of course he shows various tweets with photos of supposed hands supposedly holding this supposed book, and of course that one thot that got paid to kinda-sorta promote the book.

I never get tired of seeing all the new and innovative ways that you guys come up with to show your love for Killjoy.

Shown is a collage of the latest batch of "fan art". This one confuses me because it includes art of an anorexic animu version of Killjoy which I don't think he has ever shared in his twitter feed?

Bitch needs tuna more than the cat.

The CharactersShow

Like most heroes in fiction, Kassandra Killjoy starts her journey alone, and little by little, she gains companions along the way.

I guess this happens often enough in video game, but I wouldn't go as far as all of fiction.
Plus it's not actually true. She's starts the book joining up with the cat, but aside from that fucker and the Chinese sidekick her supporting cast was already been established before the book even starts.

Now onto the actual characters, and boy isn't he going all out here. We've got fancy title cards full of magic bullshit:

Why are there fireworks?

Apparently this is from some random pinterest image. He sure hates original backgrounds.
The title cards also get a dramatic stinger and ERod saying the name in some kind of deep radio voice from the left speaker. Sure, why not.
Where it gets mildly amusing is that he fucked up. His narration, the title card and the chapter title (because of course the video has chapters) often don't agree on how a character's name is spelled, or even what their name actually is. So if I write multiple versions of the name, you know who to blame. I try to go with the order Erod / title card / chapter title.

Detective Jonathan Lankaster / Jonathan Lancaster

I think the book went with the "k" version, but that might just be an extended typo. It's certainly not the most common spelling.

He is the Commissioner Gordon to Killjoy's Batman,

Even moreso because he's black, just like Gordon in an increasing number of Batman adaptations.

One of the very few humans in Obscure City who is aware of the paranormal.

Don't all cops know about this shit? Seems to be hard to not notice in this line of work.

Other than that nothing interesting. He's literally just Gordon, working with Killjoy because he knows she's making a positive difference in the city.
You'd think the city would have a dedicated Human-Monster-Relations Task Force instead of relying on the one supernatural private eye, but I digress.

Dan The Comic Book Man

Of course he's never given a real name. At least the stars have aligned for a consistent naming scheme in the video.

If Lankaster is Killjoy's Commissioner Gordon, than Dan would be her Alfred - sort of.

Sure, one is an integral part of both of Batman's identities, while the other works at a comic book store that has no relevance whatsoever to anything that happens in the book.

Dan is Killjoy's one and only employee at her secondary business, Killjoy Comics.
...
Dan runs the shop and handles Killjoy's day-to-day necessities.

When he has ever done anything not related to comics? And wouldn't he make for a more effective Alfred if he didn't have to sell capeshit to manchildren for most of the day?

On the surface, Dan appears to be a very spacey, easily-distracted simpleton.

Because he is.

But the truth is, he's actually a very capable, knowledgeable and faithful employee. The best Killjoy could've asked for

And I'm sure none of his talents will ever matter, because he just kinda exists without really interacting with the plot.

And it's almost like he was custom-made for the profession/provision/[can't understand this fucker here]

So he's a comic book robot or something?

Garret Kayhill / Garret Killjoy (aka that vampire hunter)

Interesting typo there. Is there a version of the story where they are related? Is he gonna marry her and ditch his old name to please the immortal half-witch?

Killjoy's on-again, off-again love interest, Garrett is a vampire exterminator by trade employed by Vamp Ex (Vampire Extermination Services Incorporated).

Funny how only a few people in the city know about the monsters, when there's not only a formal death squad business related to them, but a formal death squad business that is incorporated, meaning that they had to provide their business purpose for the certification.

However, he doesn't hunt all vampires. Just the feral ones.

And we once again get that bit about how there are real vampires and basically ghouls from Hellsing, because you see vampires are their own species in this setting.

There are the naturally-born vampires, or purebloods, who are the stereotypically sexy ones that you would find in an Anne Rice novel.

Stereotypically sexy, everyone uwu

And then there are the feral vamps, which is what you get a human survives a vampire attack.

So how most vampires tend to be made?

They are dumb, animalistic pests that often disrupt the lives of the citizens of Obscure City

And yet only few know about the supernatural.
Wouldn't it be more interesting if the purebloods just look down on the lesser vampires? Would make for better tension and provide a source of potential allies and villains willing to shake up the status quo.

And when you have a vampiric pest in your home or business, you call Vamp Ex.

Provided I know that a) vampires are real, and b) that the violent hobo in my house is in fact one.

Interestingly, he does not tell that Vamp Ex is from a stupid film school movie project he was part of, and that Garret is the character he played in it. Usually he can't stop himself sperging about what inspired him to make a certain character.

Hime The Tuxedo Cat / Haime Killjoy

Great, the typo splits the difference between how he keeps phonetically writing the cat's name (much to the eternal confusion of weebs like myself), and Jaime aka how the name is supposed to be written.

Not much of interest at the start. We get a short summary of the first chapter, and a reminder that familiars are a thing in this setting. At least some witch tropes are still intact in the glorious Killjoy lore.

For reasons unknown, Hime has he ability to speak.

Is this really that weird in this setting? Especially with witch familiars being a thing, which more often than not are portrayed as being capable of speech (so you know it's good magical).

But he still possesses the brain of a cat

Long story short he's dumb and never has anything interesting to say.

He also seems to possess the ability to teleport himself and others across significant distances.

Seems to. He seems to be able to teleport, but we're not sure. Maybe it's the universe that is teleported around him. Who knows.

What is Hime? And why exactly does he have these abilities? That is a mystery, that will never be solved.

>tfw you want a comic relief deus ex machina but don't know how to make it make sense within the lore, so you just go "fuck it" and include it anyways


I hate to bring Tolkien into this, but this is like if Tom Bombadil was actually retarded and decided to follow the Fellowship for fun. Nothing makes sense, but you just have to kinda deal with it because the author is a moron.

Madeline Mad Chan / Mad Chan

Aren't nicknames usually put in quotes? Whatever.

Mad and her story come from two other projects that I wrote.

Okay.

Her story came from a short that I wrote called "The Swordsman's Craft"

What do you mean with "her story"? The thing with her immortal sword dad? That's kinda the story of the entire book, isn't it?

And her character came from the script for my thesis film from film school titled "Alice", about a girl surviving in a Mad-Max-style post-apocalyptic world that is populated by zombies - hence the reason she is given the nickname "Mad Chan".

She is called "Mad Chan" because she was the Chinese Mad Max in a completely different story where she was a completely different character.

Her character was inspired by yet another one of my classmates from film school, who is a Chinese goth and still remains the coolest human being I have ever met

Are there any female characters in this book not based on school crushes you are still thirsting over?

ERod also lets us know she's basically your stereotypical D&D half-elf:

Mad is the ultimate outsider, too assimilated into American culture to fit in with other Chinese people, and too Asian to fit in with the other kids in her school.

Of course she's assimilated. She's American, born in the USA and everything. Do the other Chinamen in this city still speak Mandarin and hang out in their own parallel society like it's Big Trouble in Little China or something?
Though I can see why she can't fit in with anyone in school, what with all the other goths being vampires. Or maybe there are too many black kids. Who knows.

So instead of wasting her time trying to fit in she does he rown thing. Rides a skateboard, plays the guitar and expresses her love for horror in everything from her music to her clothes.

I don't think those hobbies and interests besides skateboarding are ever brought up in the book. And are guitars really a good instrument for a lone wolf? How about a harmonica instead?

Currently finding her missing father is her top prioty, and Killjoy seems to be the only one willing to help her...

Because she got paid to do it.

... and pursue the one suspect no one else is willing to pursue: Obscure City's enigmatic protector, The Swordsman.

Why would anyone suspect him? In fact he's not even on anyone's radar until after it turns out Mad's dad was (pretending to be) his sidekick.
And then it devolves into yet another premise for the book. Boooooring.

The QuestionsShow

Would you rather see Killjoy adapted in 2 [sic] a cartoon, live action show, or a movie?

Presented without comment:

All of the above. Killjoy is the one thing that I have created that I'm confident would translate well to every medium.
As far as which one I would prefer her to be adapted into first, I would choose animation, as that is the medium that is best to build a loyal fanbase that would follow the character into other mediums.

Who were the physical inspirations for Kassandra and her allies?

Watch the first episode for the first half, you mofo.
But no, ERod gladly repeats his thirst for that school crush, with I think a bit of extra information:

However, I gave [Killjoy] red hair in reference to Cassandra Peterson, aka Elvira

It can't just be because he thinks redheads are hot. It has to be about celeb thirst.

As for the other characters (no idea why he didn't include this information in the previous section and ditched the question):

• Mad: the other school crush and she has freckles in "honor" of Lucy Liu
• Hime: based on his own cat. Thankfully the real cat doesn't have the weird tard look
• Dan: a combination of Jason Mewes (aka Jay of Jay & Silent Bob fame) and Scott Levy (aka some wrestler); sure, why not
• Lankaster: Beau Billingslea
• Garret: Bruce Campbell (still no mention of the film school thing)

So basically every character is based on someone he considers hot and/or cool. No one can be a real artistic creation. Everyone has to be inspired by some film school bimbo or actor.
I guess I should be glad that the didn't explain why Killjoy wears blue again.

Who trained Kassandra and taught her the ways of the occult and supernatural lore surrounding Obscure City? Will we see any flashbacks about her upbringing and mentor?

Motherfucker, just watch the first episode. But of course, ERod gladly splices in that clip from the previous episode about Killjoy's mentors (some real-life Pinkerton lady and some cowboy hobo witch, in case you've forgotten, lucky bastard that you are). Plus a recap of the city being some interdimensional nexus with automatic glamour for all monsters.

As for flashbacks...

Yes. In fact book 2 will have a major flashback that reveals a very important part of Killjoy's origin.

Can't wait for that book. If it ever comes out.

As far as flashbacks about her mentor [sic], those are planned, but right now I'm not sure to which book I'm gonna add them to.

Then they can't be that important.

[pibbs]

This fag just had a laundry list of things he liked and threw it all into this novelette.

Like a little kid making up a story for an adult who's quickly losing interest and patience over his nonsense narrative.

[wulfenlord]

What is Hime? And why exactly does he have these abilities? That is a mystery, that will never be solved.

I want to strangle him so bad.

[Rushy]

This reminds me of those cartoons that infantilised characters, like "Tom and Jerry BABIES".

This is just Batman Babies, with Baby Batman swapped for Baby Carmen San Diego.

[wulfenlord]

5 Deutschmark that the third episode will include half of previously answered questions again, which he invented.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Sadly the video does provide screenshots for every questions.
At least the one he got via tweet. For e-mails you just have to believe him.

And I can see that the video about the villains will once again have questions about Killjoy (that have already been answered).