Kassandra Killjoy: Paranormal Private-Eye "The Search for the Swordsman" - A short story cosplaying as a novel by peeRod

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Time for the (hopefully) final video in this series. Let's-a-go!

I'm gonna skip the traditional humble bragging at the beginning of the video because fuck that noise. At least this time around it's pretty short.
Also apparently this was the most requested video. Guess it makes sense considering the villains are more of an afterthought in the book.
(Though as it turns out everything is consistent this time around. Nice.)

Sadly this video does not have chapters. At least that means we only have the title card and his narration as sources for character name conflicts.

Deep LoreShow

While Obscure City has a human mayor ...

Kinda hard to not have one and keep this monster thing a secret.

... who serves as the face of the city, in reality it is actually run by a consortium [pronounced more like "consordium"] of creatures, or as they are collectively known, The Court of Darkness.

So democracy is a lie told to you by the minions of the Bootleg Camarilla. Got it.

An alliance of Night Dwellers made up of the most powerful criminals of the underworld.

And yet they're all jobbers for the Half-Blood Witch.

Guillion DeLoncre (aka Fish Guy)

(Un)Fortunately he doesn't even try to butcher French when pronouncing this name. Is "DeLoncre" even a thing?
IIRC, his contribution to the plot consists of whining about Kappas (and how the Swordsman isn't fixing the problem for him), as well as asking a question.

Classification: sea beast. Weakness: fire.

Then why does the book call him a "merman"?

Guillion is the head of the Nefarium Nautica, which is in charge of all the illegal sea trade in the world, which of course includes the coast of Obscure City, also know as Cadabra Cove.

It's official. The drug cartels are in cahoots with the Deep Ones.

While he is regal and intelligent ...

Good to know. He didn't come across like that at all in the book.

... it is not beneath him to use his superhuman strength to intimidate and subdue his enemies.

Bitch that witch girl can curbstomp werewolves the size of Mobile Suit. You ain't impressing anyone with your biceps.

And if all else fails, he can always just suck out and consume all the moisture in your body, leaving you as a dried-up husk.

Please don't ruin Wann Piss for me. It's the only shounenslop that has yet to break my heart.

And like all sea beasts, he can also secrete a black corrosive substance called Onyx Ink, which will either kill you, or forcefully turn you into one of them.

I dunno what's weirder. That all fishmen have metamorphic sperm, or that they can turn you into a real fishboy while vampires can only ever turn you into a downie with tard rage.

So if you wanna be safe, you might want to stay out of the waters of Obscure City.

Stop making cute "advice" like this. Remember that this monster business is supposed to be a secret.
And do city folk even swim in their neighboring waters? Those gotta be full of ships and trash.

Demavalos Shard (aka the demon bitch boi who gets killed by a magic nail)

Classification: Demon. Weakness: Weapons doused in the blood of the innocent.

This is already getting annoying. Also what kind of weakness is that? When looking for a weapon to fight the legions of Satan, I wouldn't exactly think of a Khorne Berserker's axe first.

While most of the members of the Court of Darkness deal in the illegal, all of Shard's demonic dealings, while questionable, are 100% legal. 'Cause demons are masters of legally binding deals and contracts.

Bitch if you're rich enough you can pay people to do all that law shit for you.

Or, as they so aptly call them, Faustian Deals

It's either "deal with the devil" or "Faustian bargain", nimrod.

If a human signs a Faustian Deal with their blood, a demon will give them whatever they desire, and in return the demon can claim their heart. Their literal heart. As that is what demons eat - and the greedier the heart, the better it tastes.

So do souls just not exist in the "Obscure Universe"?
Also that sounds like a convoluted way to gain nourishment. How big is the demon-to-human ratio, anyways? And how long can the human enjoy his wish before he gets Kalima'd?

And while it might be illegal for other Night Dwellers to consume humans, the consensual consumption of human hearts is 100% acceptable thanks to their binding contracts. So when dealing with Shard and the Demonic Delegation, be careful what you sign.

Pretty sure this wouldn't work like that. Literal "You are hereby allowed to kill me" contracts are illegal pretty much everywhere in the world, because even consensual murder is still murder. I guess the demons got it classified as assisted suicide?
Also why should the other monsters care? You've already said they're all into illegal shit.

Loxana Tet (aka Mummy Chick)

Classification: Everliving. Weakness: Decapitation by a weapon forged out of gold.

Not fire? And how much gold are we talking about? Does a gold coat count? Cause a weapon out of pure gold would be kind of ass.

Fun fact: Because the Everliving are vulnerable to gold, they hoard it.

Why? If it's only gold weapons they need to worry about it's a non-issue because nobody uses gold weapons. If it's gold in general you probably want it as far away from you as possible.
Why are mummies weak to gold, anyways? That shit is all over their crypts and sarcophagi.

In fact most of the gold on the planet is fake, as the Everliving possess a good 90% of the world's supply of gold. Because they believe that if they have it, their enemies won't.

>mfw the gold standard is a lie because ancient Egyptians have stolen all the real gold


Also fuck me are those guys paranoid.

Loxana and the Imperium Eternum control all the mystical drug trade.

Except for the shipping, I suppose.

Especially the production and distribution of Aaru, a hallucinagenic so powerful that it will make your greatest fantasies feel like a reality, giving you the euphoric sensation of being in heaven.

For whom does it work like that? Mummies? Humans? Do mystical drugs just have the same effect for everyone?
And if you wonder where he got the name from, it's the part of the Egyptian afterlife that Osiris rules over. Weird.

And while they accept human currency in exchange for these party favors, they also accept bones. Because that is what the Everliving consume.

Do all monsters of yours have a dumb diet?

Or more specifically, the calcium on set bones, as their decaying bodies can't actually produce it.

Not exactly Everliving if you're decaying, eh? Also drink milk, you creepy fucks. It's way better for your teeth.

In fact, the myth of the Tooth Fairy actually started as the practice of the Everliving's subjects leaving tribute for their masters

Also any good minion hands over the tribute personally, instead of having their benevolent overlord sneak into their house to get it.

So fear and respect the Everliving to the marrow of your bones.

They're just paranoid pharmacists with apparently lactose intolerance.

Professor Jaq Pretorius (aka Dr. Insano)

"Jaq"? WTF kind of name is that?

Classification: Reanimated. Weakness: Blunt force trauma to the brain.

Works for most living things I guess.

So what is the difference between the Everliving and the Reanimated?

It's gonna be stupid, right?

The Everliving are brought back via magic, all the while the Reanimated are brought back to life via science.

A devious art created by humans but adopted and perfected by Night Dwellers.

So they reanimate what I assume to be humans and welcome them to the monster community because...?
Also it's official. Science is evil.

As far as the Professor's crimes go, he strictly deals in illegal surgeries and radical operations.

I don't like this Black Jack reboot.
And he can't just be a normal surgeon because...?

So if you need a body part replaced, he's got a few spares.

Good to know that body parts are not part of his dumb diet.

Unlike other Night Dwellers that consume the parts of other living beings to survive, the Reanimated eat brains not just for nourishment, but also to maintain their sanity.

I spoke too soon.

If they don't consume brains on a regular basis, they lose their consciousness and become literally mindless zombies.

I assume he borrowed this from either I, Zombie or The Promised Neverland.

And the fact of the matter is that it doesn't have to be human brains. Any brains will do.

Strike The Promised Neverland. Also you will eat the bug brains.

However, it is rumored that the human brains do taste better.

LMAO nigga how is that a rumor like nigga LMAO just ask the Professor.

Kanis Veil (aka Werewolf Jobber)

Classification: Werewolf. Weakness: Silver.

I hope we don't get a stupid bit about them owning all the real silver in the world.

The lycan leader of the Lupine Legions, who are basically the barbarians of the underworld.

I wonder if he'll ever mention Underworld as an inspiration. It's the only IP I can think of that uses "lycan" in place of "lycanthrope". Or maybe he got it from whatever other IP stole it from Underworld.

Often relying on intimidation and brute strength, and for this reason racketeering is their game

Dude you got curbstomped by a girl with a watch.
Also I assume ERod primarily means protection rackets. I don't think they're also doing money laundering or shoplifting.

Which is why werewolves are fightfully territorial, and will attack anyone who stumbles into their turf.

Criminals in general tend to be territorial. Can't sell drugs and shit if you've got no turf.

Especially cats.

So they're more like weredoges.

And while naturally-born werewolves can change at will, humans that are turned have no control of their transformations, and just like the myth, will succumb to the curse under a full moon.

Why do werewolves work more or less as you expect while getting turned into a vampire gives you brain damage?

And if left unchecked and uncured, naturally-born werewolves will keep them as pets.

Or not? He mentioned fuckall about the moon giving you brain damage.
Also if they have no control over their transformation they might spend a good chunk of their pet life as humans.


Minerva Madrigal (aka Killjoy's Mom)

Oh so here he's going for an accent (Spanish, of course). Fucking Latino Supremacist.

Classification: Witch. Weakness: Iron.

Does anyone else find it weird these monsters get less paranoid about their weaknesses the more common they are?

Minevera's operations strictly deals [sic] with illegal acquisitions. If it's difficult to get, be it magical weapons, forbidden artifacts or cursed literature, Minerva and the Coven Collective can get it for you and deliver it for the right price.

It's eyeballs, right? They probably eat eyeballs.

Like all Night Dwellers, witches have a connection to the magical field that surrounds the planet: the Arcane Web.

My Little Killjoy: Magnetism is Magic.

But unlike the other Night Dwellers, their connection is natural and more potent, giving them absolute control and use of mystical fields.

So how do the other monsters get their "unnatural" connection? And what can mystical fields do, aside from turning sticks into energy shotguns?

So be especially careful when dealing with a witch, as any movement or any word could lead to a spell that could lead to your doom.

Good thing they can't make something crazy like magic gadgets which are a lot more inconspicuous. Or that burning you with plasma certainly does not just require them to point a stick at you.

And while witches can survive by eating insects and other small scavengers, they also really really like to feed off of a human's natural electromagnetic field.

Motherfucker I was joking when I said "Magnetism is Magic".

Or as they like to refer to it: their Aura, which gives them a boost of energy, and an incredible euphoric high.

So witches are psychic vampires. Naturally no word on whether or not Killjoy is like Blade in that she has the surpress these feeding urges of her monstrous side.

Damien Callus (aka Inexplicably Barefoot Vampire)

Classification: Vampire. Weakness: Sunlight, and a wooden stake to the heart or brain.

Oh, so they are weak to sunlight. Now it makes even less sense that they send their kids to human schools.

The elite of the underworld, and due to their ability to blend in with humans and manipulate them via pheromones, vampires have their evil little claws in almost every type of illegal enterprise on the planet.

Bitch at least half of this Court of Dorkness is human-passing, plus everyone looks like a human in this city.
And why settle for illegal shit if you can just control MegaCorps and politicians? Why do these guys all insist on being criminals?

Including hospitals and pharmaceuticals, which is how they discreetly acquire the blood that they need to survive.

I wonder how the other monsters get their bones and brains in a "discreet" way.

Callus is the least discreet of the Court of Darkness ...

Smooth sentence flow.

... often operating out in the open with little to no fear of being reprimanded or punished in any way, as he is so rich and so powerful that no authority can touch him.

This is a dumb person's idea of what being rich and powerfu means. Even Epstein couldn't just frolick around town kicking dogs and capping the dog owners if they complain. You do the fucked up shit out of sight of the dirty peasants.
And the Swordsman didn't incinerate is ass with his Master Sword because...?

Preston Light / Loopin Shadows (aka Gremlin Mobster)

Classification: Slasher. Weakness: Unkown.

Blowing his brains out will probably do the trick. Works on most things with a head.

He is the de facto leader of the Slasher Clan.

Well clans generally have some kind of leader, elder or chief by their very definition, so I'm not sure why this isn't more official.

Slashers are a small underclass of Night Dwellers that are generally shunned and discriminated against by the rest of the underworld.

Because...?

Get ready for this run-on sentence:

They are seen as an impure perversion of both human and Night Dwellers, as Slashers start out as humans with tainted souls, meaning they were already evil before the change, like serial killers, rapists, and other such psychopaths, who are then turned into Night Dwellers by accident or curse.

Why do the monsters (who apparently love nothing more than illegal activities) care about the alignment these yokels had as humans? And how are they less of a perversion than the brain-eating zombie docs and Deep Ones created by acid jizz?
Also the process of being turned into a Slasher sounds a bit nebulous. We know that mummies are behind a global gold conspiracy, but we only get vague shit about how a human can just turn into a monster. How many ways are there to accomplish this, and why do they all seem to create the same kind of monster?
I'm not joking with that last part:

So instead of taking on one of your traditional Night Dweller forms, they became green-skinned, disfigured monstrosities with a penchant for edge weapons.

They're just Frankenstein's Monster with a knife. Except for that tiny minion of the Gremlin Mobster who is dressed as Chucky.
I guess they are supposed to represent modern-ish slasher blokes instead of klessik Universal horror critters, but then why make them Frankensteinian? They even have random stitches, ffs.

And their leader, Loopin Shadows, is a literal wolf in sheep's clothing ...

He's not a werewolf, dummy.

... as he also operates during the day in his human identity as Preston Light, making him the one being in the Obscure Universe who operates in both worlds.

Except for Killjoy.
Or the cat.
Or all the monster kids who attend human schools during regular hours.
Or really any monster in Obscure City because of this Glimmer shit.
I once again get the feeling this book was cobbled together from different drafts.

More run-on nonsense:

Because, since he is not considered human nor Night Dweller, it makes him immune to all laws and regulations, making him one of the most dangerous being in both the underworld and the overworld, one seemingly responsible for many unsolved crimes.

Oh shit, he's a Sovereign Citizen.

"I'm not human, so you can't charge me for tax evasion!"

And of course this ends with an epic teaser for the thrilling book:

Including the disappearance of Madeline Chan's father. A crime whose only witness might just be the city's mysterious protector: The Swordsman.

Who doesn't protect the city from the Gremlin Mobster because of Sovereign Citizen word magic.

So if Killjoy and Mad want to stop Shadows and solve this mystery, they must Search for the Swordsman

Title drop!

tl;dr: I would not recommend a Monster Manual written by ERod.

QuestionsShow

Which villains did you think of first when creating the series?

That would be the Court of Darkness.

Aka 80% of your villains. That really narrows it down.

I came up with them way back in the 90s for a script that I wrote called The Night Guard

So they're like that vampire hunter self-insert. Explains why most of them just have a glorified cameo I guess.

What's the lifespan of the different species in general?

Those first two questions come from the same tweet, but thankfully he split it up.

A Night Dweller can live up to 2,000 years. Humans that have been turned into Night Dwellers can live up to 500 years.

I think that's the first answer that doesn't make me facepalm. And it only took him 3 videos!

The next two questions come from this stroke face fella posted further up:

Which villain had the most edits done from conception to final product?

That would be Loopin Shadows.

Oh, so that's why he doesn't make sense.

He was originally the nemesis of another character that I am [sic] yet to introduce in the series, and initially he was a man that was half demon

Gotta tease future books, btw.

Any antagonists that didn't make the cut?

More teasing about super awesome villains for future books, I assume?

Yes. Killjoy's arch nemesis was supposed to make an appearance, but I cut that character out for the sake of pacing.

Pegasus Publishers demanded an arm and a leg for every single page of that book, didn't they?

Hopefully you'll get to meet that character at the end of the second book.

Wow, I can't wait to read the sequel hook of the next book. Whenever that comes out.

And this one is from that weird troll-obsessed twitter account:

Any of them green?

*shows picture of every green-skinned villain* Yes.

Riveting content.

Which characters or actors did you base the villains on?

About time he starts sperging about actors and references and shit. Here goes:

• Gremlin Mobster: Freddy Kruger & Jake Busey (I guess that's why he has a Power Glove?)
• Vampire Guy: Antonio Banderas as Armand from Interview with a Vampire (I'm not seeing it)
• Killjoy's Mom: Tilda Swinton (yeah that's definitely a witch)
• Werewolf Guy: Vinnie Jones
• Dr. Insano: Dr. Finklestein from The Nightmare before Christmas
• Demon Guy: The Darkness from Legend (not sure why he didn't say Tim Curry)
• Mummy Chick: Sadako/Samara from Ringu/Ring (Why? How? Is it the hair?)
• Fish Guy: The Frogman (no idea what that is?), but "believe it or not", but his demeanor is based on Jean Reno (I don't believe it)

[wulfenlord]

This is pants on head retarded. I have no words.

[Rushy]

It's just Sonichu, but with Batman and Harry Potter instead of Sonic and Pokemon

[pibbs]

Again. Probably should have put some of this world building IN YOUR FUCKING BOOK, you fucking troglodyte

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Mad should've been raped by a Deep One and then slowly transform into one of Dagon's children.
Or she should've become more depressed with each chapter until Killjoy remembers to turn off her psychic vampire aura.

Speaking of dumb shit: Why is gold still considered a mummy weakness when almost all of the gold on the market is fake aka does jack shit against mummies? Would humans even know what real gold is? They probably haven't seen the real deal in generations.

[wulfenlord]

Wow, cut-me-own-throat price-slashing for Fagazon Omega users. And the reminder vid about his annual kosplay kontest is deleted. Guess none of his OF stalking victims wanted to submit to his fetish

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

What was he expecting? Unless you sell Harry Potter numbers you can't really expect a thriving cosplay community from book one.
I can tell you he got at most 3 entries (a dumb kid, a some weirdo, just some (stock) photo of a cat), all of whom look like shit (oh, and their cosplay too).

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Our boi's grasping at straws to feed the masses with more Killjoy news.

Now for a totally unrelated picture:

[wulfenlord]

Bandwagon, edition LVIII. When will those retards notice that nobody cares about their Mastodon 2.0?

https://bsky.app/profile/erodbuster.bsk ... n72ek7dc2v

I hope her parents monitor uncle Erods playtime.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Reminds me of anytime NormalBoots gets scared about their YT overlords and decide to make their own CA-esque site again.
It never lasts. They'll be back on twitter, if only marvel at their much higher follower count.