The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Sun Jan 19, 2025 5:24 pm

Best Angel Armor chapter. Would read again.

RiffingShow

she could see quite clearly that the water that was coming off of her skin was pitch-black thanks to its close proximity to Myrrha

Does anyone else wonder if water blackened by pure Eeeeevil tastes differently?

Indow winced as she felt pain rush through her arms and gut, a result of Myrrha's recent beatings over the past two days.

How dare you skip over these important plot details!

She had glared at Myrrha at every opportunity, and just the last day, Indow had managed to steal a bladed object and kill Myrrha's horse.

You mean a knife? A dagger, mayhaps? How many different "bladed objects" could a Dark Knight possible carry with herself?

That had also resulted in a beating, although not as long as some of the others Indow had suffered from her company with Myrrha.

It seems "killing her means of escape" is less severe a crime as "existing".

Myrrha hadn't been so concerned with 'punishing' Indow for her resistance that one time because she was more worried about the fact that she was being followed.

Ah, now it makes sense... not.

It hadn't taken Myrrha long to deduce the fact that they were being pursued by the Linkara. His presence had been approaching closer and closer each day. It seemed as though he never slept, never rested, never sat down and ate.

Every time Myrrha turns around:

Indow had already been caught twice by Myrrha while attempting to escape, even with the ropes that Myrrha had tied to her.

Quick question: Just how hard can it be to tie someone up so they can't escape?
Even quicker question: How important is it for Indow to stay fully mobile?

(Totally unrelated picture)

Indow wanted desperately to use her magic to escape, but such a feat would require her hands separated from one another, lest the mystical energies she tried to summon up would burn her skin off along with the ropes.

I guess she also couldn't summon ice magic without ending like that one furfag who grabbed a chunk of dry ice for the express purpose of getting his hands amputated?

"Normally, I could wait weeks and months before you said anything, but I'm afraid that my timetable does not permit that. I still have to kill the King of Ai, and the Great Darkness is very impatient!"

If your regicide mission is so important, why do you bother putting up with a hostage? Just give her one of your death touches and throw her mummified corpse into the nearest ditch.

"Added onto that is the fact that I can't just abandon you somewhere or kill you, because I need you alive."

Why?
Yeah, I know there has to be a reason why the main female character has to be kept alive, but it'd be nice to actually know that reason.

"So, allow me to get to the point: start speaking or I shall be forced to further discipline you."

You know, usually when the bad guys torture a good guy for information, we are actually informed about the kind of information that the bad guys want.
I'm getting the distinct impression that the reason for Indow's survival is so flimsy that our dear author won't even attempt to reveal it (if it ever existed).

Indow smiled and spat at Myrrha, deciding the slap would be well worth it. However, instead of slapping her, Myrrha threw Indow to the ground and slammed her foot into Indow's gut. She kicked her twice more before finally allowing Indow a chance to breathe.

Excellent.

"I am NOT a whore!" she growled.

"I merely exchange sex for goods and services! And because I'm a nymphomaniac!"

Myrrha brought her foot back, then slammed it straight between Indow's legs.

Indow yelped in pain as Myrrha suddenly turned her over onto her back and brought her hand down to the back of her robes.

How can you reach the back of her robes when she's on her back?

Myrrha brought the lash down upon Indow's backside three times, each time bringing a louder scream from Indow's throat.

Kinky uwu.

*

"Raven, please say you have some good news for me." Louis begged.

*Sigh*, of course Raven (and probably Lithmenar) stuck with Linkara's stupid idea. They have no agency of their own.
It's certainly convenient that Indow managed to shank the horse, otherwise they would've had no chance of ever catching up.

As a matter of fact, he didn't want to search for Indow at all. Lithmenar had wanted to continue on towards Cooc to defeat the Darkness, but Louis had insisted on continuing on after Indow, and for some reason, White Raven had decided to help with all her abilities as a tracker.

That still doesn't explain why you decided to keep following them. Think for yourself, dammit!

Unfortunately, do to the fact that his body had finally alerted Louis that he couldn't keep up the pace he was at, Louis collapsed down to the ground, breathing heavily as he shut his eyes and embraced sleep.

If you run around like an idiot for three days without sleep, is it normal to just fall over sleeping like in some kind of cartoon gag?

*

She also could feel very little from her arms, which were suspended above her head thanks to a rope tied to the ceiling of the cave.

Did Myrrha tie the rope around a stalactite? Or did she hammer a pulley into the ceiling?
Also why does Myrrha take the time to turn a cave into a sexy BDSM dungeon if a) she has a regicide to accomplish and b) she knows someone is following her?

"Tell me, Priestess, do you know why the Darkness goes out and conquers other lands?" Myrrha asked.

"It's because, young Priestess, the Darkness wants to help this world."

A bit late to go for a "benevolent extremist" angle, eh?

"I know you think that's incorrect, considering the fact that the Darkness does indeed send off it's forces to sometimes exterminate lesser beings, but you have to understand: it's for the greater good."

"I want you to honestly look at the world we live in. There's war, death, famine, just name it!"

Most of which is because of the Darkness atm.

"There are acts of deep sexual depravity"

Like forcing a priestess to have hot, lesbian sex.

We are ruled by monarchs and kings who look down on us not as equals, but as 'peasants' or 'commoners!' Within the Darkness, the only hierarchy that exists is within the army!

Armies are, as we all know, the most communist organizations known to man, where everyone is truly equal.

"And even then, once the Darkness' conquest of this world is complete, there shall be no more need for an army. We shall disband and be as we were."

Fuck, this really sounds like communism. So once you have total control over everything, you're totally just gonna fuck off to, I dunno, weave baskets for the Greater Good (tm)?

Indow growled and bared her feline teeth. "But in the Darkness, there's no joy, no happiness!"

What is this, The Tale of the Princess Kaguya?

(Moon Buddha did nothing wrong)

"Happiness?! Joy?! HA! Do you know what those bring? They bring corruption. Happiness brings about jealousy in others. Joy causes lust and desire. Do you think I'm enjoying what I'm doing to you? As a matter of fact, I AM. That's what your precious happiness and joy bring: sadism! This happiness that I feel from watching you in your suffering and humiliation is sickening. Don't tell me that living in a world of smiles and joy makes things better." Myrrha balked.

So are you telling me Blood Raven converted to White Raven because butchering innocent people by the hundreds filled her with too much joy?
>tfw you're so evil that you turn good

"Oh, really? Tell me, Priestess, is there even one person in this world who can handle happiness and joy? Who can show some restraint in their activities? Someone who doesn't allow their happiness to destroy them self?" Myrrha inquired.

Indow's lips curled into a smile. "The Linkara."

If you say so...

"Wrong answer, whore." Myrrha stated, and promptly slammed her knee against the space between Indow's legs.

Myrrha grabbed a knife from a nearby table

Why is there a table in this cave?

Indow bit her lip to recover from the pain and narrowed her eyes into a glare. "As the Linkara has been known to say, go to hail!"

How the fuck did you get "go to hell" wrong?

*

"All right, fine. We're traveling south again, now. For some reason, Myrrha has become frightened of our imminent approach and stopped her advances to the north. She's steadily trying to move away from the north and back towards Jilad." White Raven stated.

Worst. Horsema'am. Ever.

Louis and White Raven approached him, both of their eyes widening as they looked at what Lithmenar had found. It was white robes adorned with gold lining and similar patterns all over them. These had once been Indow's clothes.

Louis quickened his pace in the search.

"Quick! We have to find her while she's still naked!"

*

Indow could not have felt any worse at that moment. Not only had the twenty- four hours proceeding Indow's 'conversation' with Myrrha been the worst torture since she had been first captured, but she could now barely open her eyes.

Myrrha, you stupid bitch. Do you want to get captured by your pursuers? What's your goal here? Your motivation?

Both her vagina and anus were sore from being raped by Myrrha.

Indow considered the rape to be the worst of any of the torture.

One could consider it being pretty high on the list of "bat shit that can happen to you", but I admit it's highly subjective.

It wasn't the fact that it had happened that made her so upset, but of the look in Myrrha's eyes when she had done it.

"Getting raped wouldn't be half as bad if my rapist didn't give me the Clockwork Orange stare!"

She had broken off branches from nearby trees or used long, narrow rocks within the caves.

Nice. It's not often you get a doujin with stalagmite buttplugs.

"LOUIS!" Indow screamed. "I love Louis!"

Myrrha blinked, then grinned evilly. "Of course! The Linkara!"

"Yes..." said Indow.

"You're in love with him!"

"Yes..."

"You want to hold him right now!"

"Yes..."

"You want to share his bed!"

"Yes..."

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"

"Yes..."

"I can have the Darkness make him love you, Priestess. He has compassion for his subjects so that they can respect him back. He may even let you keep your love after you do as we ask. However, it shall require you to do something for us, first." she said.

Myrrha leaned in close to Indow's ear, whispering.

"Betray the Linkara and he is yours..."

Man, our young author already seems to have had extensive knowledge of the esteemed genre of corruption doujins / hentais. This is like every pornographic magical girl story ever.
(Unless they only have one magical girl in total.)

"Well, well, well. It seems that you have found me. I suppose you're both feeling pretty pleased, aren't you? There I was, standing in judgment of you two for your actions in the past, and now I have been tortured day in and day out without any kind hope or rest. I hope you're happy, you sick, sadistic Ackjahves..."

Indow's getting kinda crazy because her rescuers have been kinda mean to her once before.
Well, at least Lithmenar. Lord knows what Raven ever did to her (aside from existing).
Also what's a Ackjahves?

Before Lithmenar could do any help himself, he walked over to the nearby cave wall and vomited from seeing Indow in her current state.

I think Lithmenar might be gay.

"It seems I have hit a nerve! Tell me, Linkara - why did you chase after me?" Myrrha's voice responded.

"To kick your sorry ass from here to Kingdom Come, she-bitch!" Louis growled, and slammed his blade against one of the cave walls and blasting a large chunk of rock from it.

"She-bitch" is a bit of a tautology , isn't it?
Also not entirely sure why Linkara decides to go more olde-timey with his insults.

"Thou art especially angry! 'Tis a trait that we in the Darkness have grown to appreciate." Myrrha's voice said.

Also not sure why Myrrha goes full Victorian Englishwoman all of a sudden.

Louis went wild, totally destroying any and all things around him in a desperate effort to kill Myrrha. When he finally regained control of himself a minute later, he stopped and looked around. Myrrha seemed to be long gone, and for all Louis knew, the caves extended for miles in any direction.

LMAO. Dude became so filled with murderous rage he stopped perceiving anything.
Did he read the part of JoJo Part 4 where Josuke becomes so angry he loses all sense of self?

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Sun Jan 19, 2025 7:57 pm

Inside the Mind of the Author - A Thing that happens to Women

This might actually too short for my usual autistic meta ramblings about the collective work of L.J. Lovhaug, but I can't help to point out how hilarious chapter 18 is in hindsight.
Mostly because of his scathing review of DC's Identity Crisis.

(It's just one of those At4W videos I can't erase out of my mind due to the sheer, unfiltered cringe. Help.)

Now it's perfectly fine to criticize Identity Crisis as yet another edgelord mega crossover riding on the goodwill of the original Crisis on Infinite Earths, or that it's rather limited scope isn't actually worthy of being a "Crisis" story (which traditionally shake up the entire DC multiverse).
I myself would also call it particularly edgy and rather tasteless in that it retcons Dr. Light - who has been pretty much been a goofy joke villain for the Teen Titans to beat up - into a sexual tyrannosaur with an urge to rape every women he sees (especially if they're married to a capeshitter).

Oh, also Batman got mindwiped because he didn't agree on Dr. Light getting mindwiped / basically lobotomized. This is canon.

Back to Linkara, he made a huge song and dance out of the story using rape in the first place, and not giving it the proper weight and gravitas it requires. It was just treated as "a thing that happens to women", to quote everyone's favorite author/writer/reviewer sensation.

Meanwhile Young Linkara literally writes "The rape wouldn't be so bad if my rapist would only look at me more nicely"

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Tue Jan 21, 2025 12:37 pm

Book 1, Chapter 19 - Man in the Middle
(Or: The Problem with Prophecies)

So. No doubt this chapter will be all about tackling the grim fallout of the last, ahem, "artistic" chapter.
I mean, only a complete asshole would quickly handwave away the pain and suffering of brutal rape and torture in favor of continuing with the main plot, right?

Right?

RecapShow

Indow got raped.
Now I like a good catgirl/rape/torture/ryona/corruption story as much as the next guy, but good waifu suffering needs proper context to be enjoyable, and our dear author didn't stick the landing once again in this regard.

So Myrrha has been promoted to the upper ranks of Dark Knighthood, tasked with the most vital quest to slay the king of Ai - but she almost immediately starts wasting time with dumb shit.
She decides to pay our heroes a visit because she sensed their auras nearby, where she also tells them about her mission for some reason. Then she ends up taking Indow hostage as a final prank. Though I commended her for being the first Dark Knight smart enough to know what to do with a hostage, thinks quickly got stupid.
So in an attempt to justify the most rapey scene of his literary career (at least afaik), our dear author decided between chapters that the kidnapping was part of the plan all along, for Indow knows unspecified intel that is apparently vital for the regicide quest - vital enough that Myrrha wastes days turning a cave into a luxurious rape dungeon (complete with furniture and all-natural sex toys), even though she lost her horse and knows that the others are in hot pursuit.
It's almost like you shouldn't promote your henchmen based on their ability to force consent out of underaged catgirls...

Dude better have come up with that intel this chapter, but I wouldn't put it past him to handwave everything as "Oh, you know, those bad guys are always torturing the good guys for information..."

(Spoiler alert: We don't find out WTF she wanted to know.)

The other heroes have been mostly useless so far. The only reason they managed to catch up in the first place is because Indow shanked the horse. There was no Plan B if that hadn't happened. How convenient.
Lithmenar once again whined and bitched about Linkara's decisions. Dude, if you don't like where this party is heading just fuck off. Do you have like a penis ring that will explode if you're farther than a mile away from Linkara or something?
And finally Linkara himself tard rages so hard he just starts cutting the cave walls instead of chasing after Myrrha. I bet this was supposed to be tragic in some fashion, but it sounds incredibly goofy.

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It was another week before they finally arrived in Cooc. The trio refused to let Indow walk or stand on her own until some healers could do a full examination of her to see what kind damage Myrrha had done to her. They had been fortunate enough to meet a wagon bound for Cooc that gladly took them to the nearest hospital. The healers gladly took her in and began to slowly reverse all the damage Myrrha had done. Fortunately, there was no internal bleeding and most of the cuts were superficial only. However, she still had lost a lot of blood from the assault, so she needed a few days to recover from her injuries. Any time she had been awake, she wasn't exactly chipper, but she didn't seem to be having any trouble coping with the mental injuries of the torture.

"I underwent worse during the trials to become a magic-user. Yes, the sexual torment was... unpleasant, but sometimes some of the men whom I shared a bed with had unusual tastes, and I was happy to oblige them. Do not worry, my lord. I'm quite all right."

Despite Indow's words of confidence, Louis refused to leave her side. When Indow slept, Louis read the history book that Indow had given to him as a gift. When she was awake, they laughed and sang and told stories to one another. However, they were a burden to two people in particular: White Raven and Lithmenar. The two had been sitting outside the hospital room for days now, and they were certainly beginning to grow impatient. Yes, they were happy that Indow was back with them, and yes, they were happy that she'd make a full recovery, but they felt it was now the time to move on and proceed with matters at hand.

However, their impatience came to an impasse when Garik arrived in Cooc.

"How is my daughter? Can I see her?" he asked repeatedly.

Lithmenar managed to calm him down by saying, "She's fine, Garik. She went through some pretty bad experiences while under the torture of Myrrha, but the Healers say she'll make a full recovery. What are you doing here? I thought you were traveling to Kijaz to organize the Linkaran forces for the coming war with the Darkness."

"I was, but after I heard what happened to Indow from Pulmeth, I changed plans and made my way here to see if I could find you." Garik explained.

"Then who's leading the Linkaran army? Pulmeth?" White Raven inquired.

"I'm afraid Pulmeth has something much larger to run than an army of Priests and Priestesses." Garik responded, pulling a piece of paper out from a pocket in his robes.

Garik handed the folded piece of paper to Lithmenar, who opened it up and read it's contents aloud.

"'Your Prominence Garik Chyprea of the First Linkaran Church, I regret to inform you that the Ambassador of Terlough reports that the Dwarf King Mävlo has been murdered. I must also inform you that King Êinhart of Ünaré was assassinated in the same period of time. Both assassins have been identified as highly skilled Dark Knights that have somehow changed into a snake-like form when they fought the Kings. Fearing for our lives, King Haltred and myself have sought refuge from the beings that no doubt are on their way to kill us. For security reasons, I cannot tell you where we are going. Signed - King Kelminor of Ai.' So it would appear that the Horsemen of the Armageddon have managed to assassinate two of the Kings."

"Three, actually." Garik corrected. "A prominent leader in Kijaz who could've united Jilad as a King after we defeated the Darkness was killed well before the others, as well. The prophecy seems to be coming to pass."

"Any clues about how we change the prophecy so it doesn't make our lives a lot worse than they already are?" Lithmenar asked.

"I'm afraid not." Garik said.

Lithmenar growled and began to pace back and forth. White Raven stared at him, confused.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"I'll tell you what's wrong: everything! I don't even know why I signed on with this insane unit of yours! I could've stayed in Ai or Ünaré and just continued my living of thievery! Better yet, I could've gone all the way back home on the continent of Aigol and rejoined the Thieves Guild! But no, I don't do that! Instead, I join a maniac who thinks he's the Linkara, and two people who seem to think that, as well!"

Garik rolled his eyes. "Be silent, thief! He might hear you."

"You could sooner silence a stampede of wild horses than silence me now, Priest! I left this religion of yours when I left my family, but now I've been thrown into your mythology once more! What makes it worse is that I might actually believe that the boy IS the Linkara, which just makes matters worse!" Lithmenar ranted.

"How so?" White Raven queried.

"If he really is the Linkara, then that means he's prophesized to defeat the Darkness. Okay, that's all well and good, but how is it done? Everyone keeps talking about the fact that we're going to destroy the evil that lurks in this land, yet no one has told me how we're going to do it! This evil has commanded an army of thousands, conquered distant lands, and held a firm grip upon all that it possesses! It now has even managed to slay Kings! Kings are supposed to be the untouchable ones, the beings that can only be defeated by a challenge of honor, yet this Darkness has done it with snakes that take the form of men! Tell me, oh great and holy Priest, how shall we defeat such an opponent?"

Garik narrowed his eyes at Lithmenar.

"Lithmenar, come in here!"

The voice had been that of Louis from within the hospital room. Lithmenar rolled his eyes at the summoning and opened the door to the room. Surprisingly enough, Indow was out of bed and putting on clothes as Louis stood with his back to her. His face was one of somber seriousness.

"You really want to know how we're going to defeat the Darkness?" he asked.

Lithmenar nodded. Louis walked over right in front of him.

"We start by not throwing adolescent tantrums about the decisions we've made. Next, we hunt it down. We don't wait for the enemy to make their move, we don't wait for them to reveal their plan, and we don't lie in wait supposedly getting ready to strike at a moment's notice. We go into his homeland, we find him, and we cut out his heart and eat it while he watches." Louis stated."

"Again, he's summoned armies-"

"Don't care." Louis interrupted.

Lithmenar blinked. "Pardon me, sir? You don't care how powerful he is?"

"That's right." Louis replied. "I don't care if he's personally killed thousands. I don't care if he masterminded an army. I don't care if Satan himself cowers in terror at the very thought of the uber bad thing that lives in the Zlad Delta. He hasn't faced ME yet."

Lithmenar blinked. "Then you are a fool who will get us all killed."

"You do believe in me, Lithmenar." Louis stated with a smile.

"Oh, really? And how do you know that, exactly?" Lithmenar growled.

"Because you've come this far on your own volition and you're going to come with me to the Delta to fight that Darkness." Louis said, still smiling.

Lithmenar glared at Louis, his fists clenched. Finally, Lithmenar roared and slammed his fist against the side of Louis' jaw, much to the surprise of the others. Louis fell to the ground from the impact, still smiling as he got back up again. He moved his jaw around in a circle a little, testing where it hurt.

"Nice shot, man!" Louis laughed.

"My lord, such a punch is the challenge of a death match! You must fight him now to the death!" Garik exclaimed.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fuck that."

He then turned to Lithmenar, who was standing in front of Louis dumbfounded.

"Lithie, despite what you may think, I always liked you a little more than you thought I did. I know you're feeling like you're the man in the middle here, with no clear discernable goal or outcome, but you're definitely your own man, dude. Look, if you really want to stay away from this little war, that's okay with me, Lithmenar. But if you want to stay away from this because you think it's too hard or you think we're going to lose, well then I don't even want to know you."

Lithmenar sighed. "Look, kid, we don't even know HOW we're going to kill the Darkness."

Louis smiled and rose up his right arm. The blade quickly slid out of the gauntlet upon his mental command. He then proceeded to point at the tip of the blade.

"See this? Pointy side up." he stated.

*

Louis packed up his remaining belongings into a bag attached to his horse as he spoke.

"All right, Garik: I want to know exactly what's been going on. I want specifics in everything, including troop placements, political decisions, down to the very color of people's boots!"

Garik loaded his own belongings onto a horse before climbing up on top of it.

"There has now been a unified call for battle against the Darkness. Seeing that it almost invaded Ai, troops from Terlough, Ai, Kien, and Ünaré have all begun a joint march to Jilad under the command of a General from the village of Behr. Behr is a village in Jilad that is safely protected from most Dark Knight invasion tactics because of its location within mountains, swamps, and lakes. The General is a great historian of battle tactics of the revolutionary Yokui Killandro Lan, General Eilos Halupqiy of the Terafell Arbiters, and Neghray Armweb Gatlick of the Elfish people of Aigol. Those three are some of the most brilliant military leaders of the history of Sin. Yokui was directly involved in an uprising that pushed the Terafell Arbiters out of Ai during the Hundred Year War. General-"

Louis interrupted: "Garik, I want information on current events, not history."

Garik nodded as he began riding forth on his horse along with all the others. "Kien, being the closest ally to Jilad for over a millennia, has been the first to offer its support. An army of 3,000 sits at Jilad's border, waiting for the message to begin marching forward. Ai and Terlough are mustering up the remaining numbers of their armies and sending them through Ünaré to reach Jilad with extreme expediency. Ünaré's forces shall arrive at the border tomorrow and wait for the Ai and Terlough armies before sending the go-ahead signal to Kien's troops. Even if we are successful on our own in defeating the Darkness, the Dark Knights will mostly likely send a retaliatory strike against all the lands as retribution for the loss of their master. Once the Darkness itself is destroyed, organized resistance from the Dark Knights shall crumble when the four armies swarm into Jilad and arrest or kill any remaining Dark Knights as Prisoners of War. Dark Knights that surrender shall be given a little more leniency than those that fight back." Garik explained.

"What about the Kings of Terlough and Ünaré? Since they're dead, who gets power?" Indow asked.

"Pulmeth has taken Êinhart's place as King of Ünaré since he left no heir. Mävlo's son Gerqo will take his place as King of Terlough. Both are committed to fighting the Darkness." Garik responded.

"What's their estimated time of arrival?" Louis asked.

"A few days. No one has an exact time yet." Garik replied.

Louis looked out to the horizon as he continued riding his horse. He smiled at the sun that was beginning to creep its way up the morning sky to reach the point when it would be noon.

"Then let's head out, folks. Let it be known throughout the lands: I'm coming for the Darkness."

This was actually short enough that I have room to put the riffing in here. Yay~

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They had been fortunate enough to meet a wagon bound for Cooc that gladly took them to the nearest hospital.

I was going to make a joke about there being a hospital, but apparently those have been around since Roman times.
Not sure our dear author knew that, though. Also I'm pretty sure they were located inside/near cities and not the middle of nowhere. Easier access to staff and supplies, you know?

Fortunately, there was no internal bleeding and most of the cuts were superficial only.

That's some quality lube Myrrha used there. How nice of her.

Any time she had been awake, she wasn't exactly chipper, but she didn't seem to be having any trouble coping with the mental injuries of the torture.

Torture and rape: Just sleep it off!

"I underwent worse during the trials to become a magic-user."

Torture and rape: Better than fasting in isolation to unlock your magic chakras!

"Yes, the sexual torment was... unpleasant, but sometimes some of the men whom I shared a bed with had unusual tastes, and I was happy to oblige them."

Torture and rape: More pleasant than sleeping with a footfag!

"Do not worry, my lord. I'm quite all right."

Torture and rape: Really not that big of a deal!

What the fuck am I reading again?
Oh, right, a book written by the Great Linkara.

However, they were a burden to two people in particular: White Raven and Lithmenar. The two had been sitting outside the hospital room for days now, and they were certainly beginning to grow impatient.

Slightly surprising for Raven, as she is effectively an NPC with no aspirations of her own and is always following Linkara like a shadow.
Lithmenar being unhappy with the general situation while forgetting that he can just leave any time is just par for the course, on the other hand.

(Srsrly dude, you only tagged along for the promise of riches, which hasn't happened since fucking Ai.)

However, their impatience came to an impasse when Garik arrived in Cooc.

An "impasse" is a deadlock/stalemate situation. How the fuck does this relate to being impatient?

A shame our dear author never cared about tokushit, cause a certain someone has just the right words for those two idiots:

(Is Linkara even aware of Ultraman?)

"How is my daughter? Can I see her?" he asked repeatedly.

Lithmenar managed to calm him down by saying, "She's fine, Garik. She went through some pretty bad experiences while under the torture of Myrrha, but the Healers say she'll make a full recovery.

"Really, it's not nearly as traumatic as that one time an old baker insisted on wrapping her tail around his cock."

"I'm afraid Pulmeth has something much larger to run than an army of Priests and Priestesses."

Ah, so the king is dead and his champion is now the new king because the old one never managed to get himself a proper heir? Sure. Who wants someone like a minister or noble who has actual experience with running things? Just give the crown to a glorified thug.

(Spoiler alert: yes, he's the new king)

'Both assassins have been identified as highly skilled Dark Knights
that have somehow changed into a snake-like form when they fought the Kings'

Somehow. It's like magic or something, but we can't be sure!
Why even bother with an army if all you needed was your own supervillain team?
Also LMAO. Myrrha's target managed to go into hiding because the dumb bitch was wasting too much time.

'Signed - King Kelminor of Ai.'

This is the first and only time the king of Ai gets an actual name.

So it would appear that the Horsemen of the Armageddon have managed to assassinate two of the Kings."

"Three, actually." Garik corrected. "A prominent leader in Kijaz who could've united Jilad as a King after we defeated the Darkness was killed well before the others, as well. The prophecy seems to be coming to pass."

He's not really a king if he never got crowned, is he?
Also didn't you talk earlier about how it is the job a the most democratic priest meeting to determine the new king of Jilad? Why did nobody bring up this nameless hero back then?

"Any clues about how we change the prophecy so it doesn't make our lives a lot worse than they already are?" Lithmenar asked.

"I'm afraid not." Garik said.

"Random shit will keep happening, for the prophecy wills it! There is nothing you can do!"

Man, this really is shaping up to be an object lesson in why prophecies are a shit plot device. Way to suck the excitement and agency out of this story.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"I'll tell you what's wrong: everything! I don't even know why I signed on with this insane unit of yours! I could've stayed in Ai or Ünaré and just continued my living of thievery! Better yet, I could've gone all the way back home on the continent of Aigol and rejoined the Thieves Guild! But no, I don't do that! Instead, I join a maniac who thinks he's the Linkara, and two people who seem to think that, as well!"

Lithmenar finally notices his terrible character motivation.
Though I guess it is the almighty prophecy compelling him to follow the Linkara.

Garik rolled his eyes. "Be silent, thief! He might hear you."

How do you even know he's a thief? He has done little thievery - especially not in your presence. Also you're kinda hard on the guy you punched in the face during your first meeting.

"If he really is the Linkara, then that means he's prophesized to defeat the Darkness. Okay, that's all well and good, but how is it done?

Does it matter? If the prophecy (allegedly) says it will happen, then it will happen.

It now has even managed to slay Kings! Kings are supposed to be the untouchable ones, the beings that can only be defeated by a challenge of honor, yet this Darkness has done it with snakes that take the form of men!

"Conquering lands and butchering the filthy peasants is one thing, but assassinating kings using foul play?! Surely nothing as vile and evil has ever been done before! Now if those Dark Knights had only formally challenged the kings to an honorable duel..."

"Lithmenar, come in here!"

The voice had been that of Louis from within the hospital room. Lithmenar rolled his eyes at the summoning and opened the door to the room. Surprisingly enough, Indow was out of bed and putting on clothes as Louis stood with his back to her. His face was one of somber seriousness.

Ah, I see it is time to put Lithmenar in his place by pretending to be a wise and ancient Jedi - and not the most impulsive and whiny little bitch in the whole book.
Also LMAO at him calling everyone while Indow's getting dressed.

"We start by not throwing adolescent tantrums about the decisions we've made."

"We throw them when someone calls a literal slut a slut. Or when someone suggest we get horses before chasing someone on a horse!"

"We don't wait for the enemy to make their move, we don't wait for them to reveal their plan"

Isn't this pretty much what you've been doing this whole book?

"... and we don't lie in wait supposedly getting ready to strike at a moment's notice"

Hard to pull off if you keep wandering all over the place, I give you that.

"We go into his homeland, we find him, and we cut out his heart and eat it while he watches."

"We will defeat the Darkness by defeating it!"

"Again, he's summoned armies-"

"Don't care." Louis interrupted.

Lithmenar blinked. "Pardon me, sir? You don't care how powerful he is?"

"That's right." Louis replied. "I don't care if he's personally killed thousands. I don't care if he masterminded an army. I don't care if Satan himself cowers in terror at the very thought of the uber bad thing that lives in the Zlad Delta. He hasn't faced ME yet."

I know he figured he can't actually lose because he's a self-insert protagonist the prophecy says so, but it kinda makes your protagonist look like an idiot when he keeps having an unwarranted superiority complex towards an opposition that has kicked his ass multiple times by now.
Also if he can't take the bad guys seriously, why should we?

"You do believe in me, Lithmenar." Louis stated with a smile.

"Oh, really? And how do you know that, exactly?" Lithmenar growled.

"Because you've come this far on your own volition and you're going to come with me to the Delta to fight that Darkness." Louis said, still smiling.

Lithmenar glared at Louis, his fists clenched. Finally, Lithmenar roared and slammed his fist against the side of Louis' jaw, much to the surprise of the others. Louis fell to the ground from the impact, still smiling as he got back up again. He moved his jaw around in a circle a little, testing where it hurt.

"That's for pointing out that my character makes no sense!"

"Nice shot, man!" Louis laughed.

"My lord, such a punch is the challenge of a death match! You must fight him now to the death!" Garik exclaimed.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fuck that."

"Lithie, despite what you may think, I always liked you a little more than you thought I did.

"I liked you more when you just blindly approved my decisions, though."

I know you're feeling like you're the man in the middle here, with no clear discernable goal or outcome

He's "feeling" like that 'cause that's exactly what's going on.

Lithmenar sighed. "Look, kid, we don't even know HOW we're going to kill the Darkness."

Louis smiled and rose up his right arm. The blade quickly slid out of the gauntlet upon his mental command. He then proceeded to point at the tip of the blade.

"See this? Pointy side up." he stated.

"I will kill the Darkness by killing it!"

*

"All right, Garik: I want to know exactly what's been going on. I want specifics in everything, including troop placements, political decisions, down to the very color of people's boots!"

Since when did you care about the war plans here? You literally thought you and your fellowship could just saunter to Not-Barad-dûr, defeating all the baddies one random JRPG battle at a time.

"There has now been a unified call for battle against the Darkness. Seeing that it almost invaded Ai, troops from Terlough, Ai, Kien, and Ünaré have all begun a joint march to Jilad under the command of a General from the village of Behr. Behr is a village in Jilad that is safely protected from most Dark Knight invasion tactics because of its location within mountains, swamps, and lakes. The General is a great historian of battle tactics of the revolutionary Yokui Killandro Lan, General Eilos Halupqiy of the Terafell Arbiters, and Neghray Armweb Gatlick of the Elfish people of Aigol. Those three are some of the most brilliant military leaders of the history of Sin. Yokui was directly involved in an uprising that pushed the Terafell Arbiters out of Ai during the Hundred Year War. General-"

Louis interrupted: "Garik, I want information on current events, not history."

Gotta hand it to Linkara this time. This is a weird-ass tangent. I mean, JFC, just say that this general has studied the classics and get on with it.
This is also the second time in this chapter that someone starts fawning over some other badass character we haven't heard about before without even telling us the name of that character.

Also really? "Armweb Gatlick"? How do you come up with this shit? Also I guess "Neghray" is a title or something, because it isn't italicized?

Even if we are successful on our own in defeating the Darkness

Nobody is ever gonna explain how they plan to defeat the Darkness, aren't they?

Dark Knights that surrender shall be given a little more leniency than those that fight back

"We will only cut off one of their hands!"

Seeing how corrupted they are, they will probably just melt into buddles of black goo or something.
That is unless Myrrha continues to fail upwards and becomes the new Big Bad Evil Guy Gal, but what are the odds for that?

>tfw you find out that Myrrha shows up in every book

"What's their estimated time of arrival?" Louis asked.

"A few days. No one has an exact time yet." Garik replied.

Great coordination, guys. Also I take it teleport spells don't exist once again?

"Then let's head out, folks. Let it be known throughout the lands: I'm coming for the Darkness."

You sure hate surprising your foes.

Next Time: The Dead City. Must be a metaphor for how the readers must feel after making it this far.

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Tue Jan 21, 2025 9:45 pm

Book 1, Chapter 20 - The Dead City
(Or: Spooky, Scary Skeletons)

Okay, let's get this shit done nice and easy. Two chapters in one day - for I have no life, and I must type.

RecapShow

Turns out Indow getting struggle-snuggled wasn't that big of a deal, and apparently not even the worst she has experienced. This of course continues the trend set out by the bleeding sky, wherein our dear author starts a chapter by immediately downplaying some big deal that happened in the previous chapter (because he lost interest or something).
Several Horsemen of the Armageddon have already managed to kill their assigned king. Myrrha is not one of them, of course.
The other characters get autistic over the prophecy, which just reminds the reader that a seemingly true and perfect prophecy is poison for any kind of tension.
Linkara assures the others of being able to kick the Darkness' ass - by assuring them that he's gonna kick its ass.
It's good to know that the self-insert Linkara is just as full of himself as the real deal.
Lithmenar has some kind of existential crisis because he realizes what a terribly-written character he is. Linkara defuses the situation by announcing loudly that everyone's favorite thief is totally tsundere for the old Linkster.
The Army of Good Guys (tm) continues to assemble itself, but no one quite knows when everyone will arrive - probably so we have an excuse for Linkara to enter Not-Morder with just his tiny fellowship.

ChapterShow

"Well, this is certainly not what I had expected."

Those were Louis' words when he and the others arrived at Soyah, former capitol of Jilad and the only city located within the Zlad Delta. For several days, the group had been riding south in an attempt to finally arrive at the Delta to face the Darkness for what no doubt would be a battle to end all battles. Strangely enough, the group had encountered little Dark Knight resistance as they made their way to Soyah. Most Dark Knight Assault Squads they had run into had retreated soon after battle had broken out, despite the fact that Indow's magical abilities were limited at the moment.

Because of the fact that the majority of Indow's physical injuries still hadn't healed, Louis asked her to try to lie low and get as much rest as possible. Still, despite Indow being out of the battles, the rest of the group did just fine in fighting off whatever didn't run away from them. Oddly, when it looked as if they were about to engage them, the Dark Knights would suddenly prepare for battle, and then the expressions on their faces would change and they'd run off. The only theory that Louis could think up was that the Darkness was looking forward to the confrontation against him just as much as he was.

Still nothing had prepared them for the sight before them. The group had expected to see Soyah as a rotting wasteland, the ground littered with bodies and the stench of death upon the air. They had expected to hear complete silence coming from the former capitol of a once-powerful nation that had strived to achieve scientific perfection. They had inferred that long-decayed skeletons would be lying across the pavement along with iron swords that had long-since rusted. They had expected to see a dark cloud hanging over the sky, blocking off any hope of sunlight coming down upon the rotting wood and streets still covered in three century-old blood.

Instead, the sun was brightly shining down upon streets that were clean and almost glistening with cleanliness. The sound on the air was not silence, but the laughter of happy children playing games on the pavement and front lawns of their homes. The few soldiers that the group could see had swords that appeared to be brand new, and metal hitches for horses appeared to have been recently polished as the sunlight reflected off of them. The houses along the side of the road were made of wood and stone, yet seemed to have a glow about them that made them appear to be vast mansions, despite being measly one or two-story homes with few windows.

The people didn't seem to notice the group standing at their front gates gaping at the sight before them. They continued to go about their daily business without a care in the world, until one of them spotted the group. They continued smiling at them as one of the men who was there approached them and bowed courteously.

"Welcome, strangers! The King informed us that you would be arriving soon. Come! We have been instructed to keep you happy until you arrive at the castle." the man stated, and began leading the group into the city.

Everyone exchanged glances and stepped inside of the town. They shrugged, figuring that it might be prudent to get some answers. However, Indow stayed back for a moment when she felt something against her waist begin to heat up. She placed her hand against a vile of water that she kept on her at all times. She unclipped the vile from her belt and examined it. The water had not only turned black, but it was almost boiling as cracks began to form down the glass. She gasped and let go of the vile when the heat suddenly became too much for her to handle. The glass shattered and the water evaporated before it even hit the ground.

*

"Pelmor Joy, strangers!"

Children had run up to the group and placed wreathes upon their heads. Louis was briefly beginning to think they had entered the equivalent of Hawaii for Sin. Everyone was friendly and said hello when they passed, and the children were laughing happily and giving them gifts.

"What's Pelmor Joy mean?" Louis asked.

"It's a common phrase around this time of year. It is an annual tradition of happiness and joy for the city, reminding us of the time 300 years ago." the Knight who was leading them to the castle replied.

"300 years ago? But the only thing that happened then was the Darkness' appearance!" Indow stated.

"Exactly. Do not worry, the King shall explain all things to you." the Knight responded.

Louis and Indow exchanged worried glances. From what they could tell, the people of this town were actually celebrating the arrival of the Darkness. Indow was reminded of the vile of water that had broken in her hands not a minute ago. She wondered if the people in this town were actually in league with the Darkness as Danlor had been back in Walsz. However, she quickly dismissed the thought. No child had ever volunteered to join with the Darkness, for children had a sixth sense for detecting evil. No scientist on Sin had ever been able to find out why, but young human children could just look at a person and had a pretty good idea if they were for the side of light or dark. And so, no child in this town had joined the Darkness.

Still, if that wasn't it, then what was it?

The group, after a few more minutes of walking, arrived at the Castle of Kolponax. Kolponax, the King of Soyah, was already waiting on the front steps of the magnificent castle. The group looked over their new surroundings quickly, seeing architecture similar to that of the Ai Castle in Walsz. It had large columns moving up the side of it and a large stairway extending down from the main entrance. The stone was smoothed and white, obviously looking more extravagant than any other building in the city.

Kolponax was a thin and happy man, wearing red and green robes and a circlet instead of a crown. He had no beard or moustache, and his skin looked as though someone had hit him with a makeup pad. He was grinning and almost chuckling as he saw the group approach. The only people who didn't appear to be smiling were the palace guards on either side of the King. He wore several adorning jewels and amulets around his neck, and he bowed respectfully when Louis began to walk up the steps.

"Welcome to Soyah, Linkara! We have been long-since expecting your arrival." Kolponax greeted.

"It seems, your majesty, that you have me at a disadvantage. You know who I am, but I have not been told your name." Louis stated.

"Well, we certainly can't have that!" said the King, extending his hand. "I am Kolponax, son of Lethronax, and the King of Jilad. Well, actually just Soyah, now."

Louis smiled and took his hands, shaking it. "Well, still, I have a few questions for you."

Ask away! Oh, but please come inside. It's not often that I have guests at my home!" Kolponax said.

The group was already beginning to move inside the castle before Louis started talking again.

"Well, here's the thing, Kolponax: rumor has it that this city was the first city to be devastated by the Darkness 300 years ago when the damn thing first showed up. So why is it that all of you are alive and no one's noticed this city being here?"

Kolponax chuckled. "I'm afraid whoever you hear gossip from is highly mistaken. 300 years ago, the King at the time formed a non-aggression pact with the Darkness. We offered a hundred stout men to be the beginning of its army, and in return, they would not attack us. Unfortunately, because this entire area is swarming with Dark Knights, everyone has just assumed that we have been killed. However, I can assure you that we are all quite alive."

Well, that's certainly good to hear. Say, how did you know that we were going to be here? Everyone seems to have been expecting us."

"Although we don't enjoy leaving the city, we do have scouts that travel out and keep us informed of events in the outside world. We heard news of your coming in this direction a few days ago." Kolponax explained.

"I see... Tell me, your majesty, why aren't you protecting your entire country's citizens instead of just one city?" Louis queried.

Kolponax sighed. "The Darkness threatened the entire Land of Jilad if we did not join the non-aggression pact. It was the only way to have lasting peace. And, as you can see, the Darkness also granted the people of this city one more thing."

"And what would that be, your highness?" Garik asked.

"Immortality." Kolponax responded

*

Hours passed. The group continued to ask questions all throughout dinner and their eventual retirement to a large bedchamber reserved for official guests of the castle. Each time they asked a question, attempting to get more difficult with their questions to try to make the King make a mistake in his answers, something that would give away what he was truly hiding. Why was the group so suspicious of the King's story, you ask? Because of what White Raven had told them.

"The Darkness often instructed us to travel through the city as a detour. Also, the Darkness used the city as a base of operations. There is nothing alive there, not even worms in the dirt." she had said.

And so, the group did not believe their surroundings. White Raven's knowledge of the Darkness was second to no one, so she was a very reliable source of information for them. The real question that was springing up was simple: who were these people who laughed and smiled and celebrated the Darkness? Kolponax had told the others that they were the original people who had lived 300 years ago, that the Darkness had granted them eternal happiness as long as they did not interfere with his business.

No one in the group bought it.

For one thing, they could see an insane king wanting immortality for himself, but for all his people? That gives one a tactical disadvantage. And if he were sane, he would never have signed a non-aggression treaty with the Darkness. Even a king knows that it's better to die as a whole, fighting for what you believe in, than to say that a few lives could be saved instead of them all. The truth of the matter was that there were too many holes in the answers that Kolponax had given to demonstrate any truth in what he had told them. And because of that, the group now had to decide their next course of action.

"It gets worse when you consider a few more factors." Louis stated.

"What do you mean?" Garik asked.

"Tell me, Garik, the wine and food he brought to us for dinner - what did it taste and smell like?"

"Actually, my lord, the food had no scent and was rather dry and bitter. The wine was flavorless and more like life giver than wine."

"Exactly. Despite the happy atmosphere that these people are trying to project, the air here is stale and dead. They can try to hide it all they like to our eyes, but the fact of the matter is that our other senses aren't fooling us." Louis explained.

"I'm afraid it might even be worse than we suspect, my lord." Indow said, wincing.

They all turned to her.

"What is it?" Lithmenar asked.

"Remember the life giver that I carry around with me to identify hidden agents of the Darkness? The moment we entered this city, it boiled itself black and disintegrated itself after it shattered the vile it was stuck in." Indow said.

The group was stunned. Louis turned away, wincing as he took in this new bit of information.

"If such a concentration of the Darkness were here... No, it's worse! The Darkness itself is here! Somehow it's making this facsimile of a town to try to trick us." Louis speculated.

"But for what purpose? What could the Darkness hope to accomplish?" Garik inquired.

White Raven looked from side to side, examining the room they were in. She then looked at Louis.

"My lord, hasn't the Darkness been actually sending Dark Knight forces out in an attempt to capture you and bring you to it?!" she exclaimed.

The group blinked, not entirely understanding what White Raven was suggesting. Like a flash of lightning across his brain, Louis figured it out and raised his head up, gasping.

"IT'S A TRAP!" he yelled.

Louis immediately made a run for the door and twisted the knob in an attempt to open it. It was locked. Louis growled and released his blades from the gauntlets on his hands, the rest of his armor forming up quickly. He slammed one of the blades into the door and cut downwards, slicing a line down the door. He then proceeded to high-kick the door. It cracked against metal bars that stood behind it.

"Give me a few minutes and I could pick the lock-" Lithmenar started, however, Louis was already using his own methods of getting through the bars.

He balled up his fist and punched straight through the two inch-thick cages.

Lithmenar blinked. "Or we could just use Linkster's approach to this."

Louis cleared away the debris from the bars and motioned with his hand that they should leave. The others followed close behind him, leaving their baggage in the room. However, things around them began to change. The glorious and brightly lit hallways of the castle melted into dilapidated wood and carpeting. Curtains that had once been hanging from the ceiling for a purely decorative effect were torn and scattered about the floor and covered in dust and dirt. The candles that had lit the hallways and corridors had been put out and their wax long-since decayed and merged to their candleholders. Even worse, guards that had been posted outside of the room that Louis and the others had been in had shriveled and been left as skeletons upon the ground. Needless to say, this new castle wasn't as impressive as the one they had been in a moment ago.

"Hmmm... it would appear that the Darkness is much more skilled at illusions than we gave him credit for." Louis stated.

Before anyone could respond, they heard the sound of bone shifting against a rocky ground. They looked over and saw that, oddly enough, the skeletons were moving on their own. Whatever bones had been separated because of the movement of the group were coming back together. The skeletons suddenly lifted themselves off of the ground, somehow staying stable and upright despite the lack of muscles and tendons. The two skeletons standing before the group held swords in their hands and were adorned with armor. Their jaws moved up and down, the sound of laughter somehow traveling up the necks of the skeletons and moving through their mouths.

Louis promptly punched one of the skeletons' skulls.

The skull fell apart instantly into dust and shards of it's former glory. The other skeleton stopped laughing and growled as its comrade fell to the ground into its former state. The skeleton began backing up down the hallway. At the end of the hallway, a staircase going downwards was located. From the dim light that was available to the group, they could see that figures were moving up the staircase. The sound of metal clashing against metal was definitely present, indicating that whatever was coming wore heavy armor. Unfortunately, it wasn't just one thing that was approaching, it was many.

What came out of the staircase was a collection of three different entities. The first of which was the Dark Knights, clad in their black armor and holding large weapons made of black metal. The next was the skeletons that had come to life. Each one wore some type of headpiece or torso armor. Their swords or axes weren't black, but they still looked menacing, nevertheless. The final thing to come was a new thing for most of the group, but not for Louis. It looked humanoid in many aspects, but it also had a few key differences. For one thing, these new creatures' skin was colored green and parts of that skin were missing, exposing bone and flesh. Their eyes looked off-balance from one another, and they were slow and lumbering.

"Zombies." Louis identified the creatures.

"Necronomica. The Darkness has many skills unknown to us." Garik said, retreating back to the other end of the hall with the group.

"This could be quite bad for us, my lord." White Raven suggested.

"Indeed. However, I didn't come this far just to be stopped by some rip-offs from Army of Darkness or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so let's just kick their demonic asses." Louis said, grinning.

And with that, Louis roared happily and charged straight forward at the forces, unsheathing his blades once more. The others shrugged and charged forward, except for Garik. Louis went for the nearest skeleton, using one blade to block the skeleton's sword and the other to slice into its ribcage. Indow encased herself in a Protection Bubble, which she sat in as she focused on casting another spell; several Dark Knights and skeletons trying to break through it. Lithmenar launched a dagger through the brain of a zombie, killing it instantly. White Raven took on three Dark Knights at once, pushing them back towards the staircase quickly as she used two swords to fight them off and kill two of them.

"HOLY LIFE GIVER!" Indow exclaimed suddenly, opening her eyes.

Her eyes glowed a bright blue as the Protection spell dissipated. However, what came from her body was a wave of water that rushed down the hallways, hitting everything in its path. However, the only things that seemed to be affected by the spell were the Dark Knights, the skeletons, and zombies. The water disintegrated the skeletons and zombies upon contact, burning them away into nothing but dust. Unlike the zombies and skeletons, however, the Dark Knights were merely pushed by the wave of water to the opposite wall for a minute as the water continued to drench and slam into them. They groaned in pain as the water subsided and they all fell upon one another. Louis steadily walked over the Dark Knight on top and grabbed him by the collar.

Louis shook him for a moment to get him to regain consciousness. The Dark Knight growled and tried to struggle against Louis, who merely placed his blade against the Dark Knight's throat.

"All right, you egg-sucking piece of gutter trash, let me put it to you this way: you can either take me to the Darkness, or-"

"He has no need to do so, Linkara."

The group turned around to see who had spoken. A man had walked up the stairway and was now standing in the doorway.

"You have found me."

RiffingShow

"Well, this is certainly not what I had expected."

Turns out the Darkness was in league with the Spanish Inquisition all along.

Strangely enough, the group had encountered little Dark Knight resistance as they made their way to Soyah. Most Dark Knight Assault Squads they had run into had retreated soon after battle had broken out, despite the fact that Indow's magical abilities were limited at the moment.

My, if I didn't know any better I'd say they want to lure you into some kind of trap or ambush...
Also nice to remind us that Indow is the one to be worried about in the group that contains the literal Chosen One.

The only theory that Louis could think up was that the Darkness was looking forward to the confrontation against him just as much as he was.

Or, you know, trap/ambush.

They had inferred that long-decayed skeletons would be lying across the pavement along with iron swords that had long-since rusted. They had expected to see a dark cloud hanging over the sky, blocking off any hope of sunlight coming down upon the rotting wood and streets still covered in three century-old blood.

How did you infer/expect all of this? Is this how the rest of Not-Morder looks like? How does the landscape of Not-Morder look, anyways?

Instead, the sun was brightly shining down upon streets that were clean and almost glistening with cleanliness.

Turns out Mr. Genre-Savvy Protagonist is not aware of the old "Use illusion magic to make everything look like before everything got fucked forever" trick. Next thing you know everything is in ruins and all the people frollicking around turn out to be zombies.

(Why, yes, I have played Terranigma.)

"Welcome, strangers! The King informed us that you would be arriving soon. Come! We have been instructed to keep you happy until you arrive at the castle." the man stated, and began leading the group into the city.

Everyone exchanged glances and stepped inside of the town. They shrugged, figuring that it might be prudent to get some answers.

Man, you guys are dense.

She unclipped the vile from her belt and examined it. The water had not only turned black, but it was almost boiling as cracks began to form down the glass. She gasped and let go of the vile when the heat suddenly became too much for her to handle. The glass shattered and the water evaporated before it even hit the ground.

I'm sure it's nothing.

*

"Pelmor Joy, strangers!"

"What's Pelmor Joy mean?" Louis asked.

"It's a common phrase around this time of year. It is an annual tradition of happiness and joy for the city, reminding us of the time 300 years ago." the Knight who was leading them to the castle replied.

"300 years ago? But the only thing that happened then was the Darkness' appearance!" Indow stated.

"Exactly. Do not worry, the King shall explain all things to you." the Knight responded.

Not sus at all.

She wondered if the people in this town were actually in league with the Darkness as Danlor had been back in Walsz.

The fucking water exploding from evil overload didn't clue you in?

However, she quickly dismissed the thought.

No child had ever volunteered to join with the Darkness, for children had a sixth sense for detecting evil. No scientist on Sin had ever been able to find out why, but young human children could just look at a person and had a pretty good idea if they were for the side of light or dark. And so, no child in this town had joined the Darkness.

Of course the group's spellcaster doesn't suspect all of this being an illusion, so naturally these must all be good guys!
Also "Kids can cast Detect Evil at-will" sounds like almost a big a can of worms as "Water turns black if you are too evil". How can spies of the Darkness even survive for more than a day?

Still, if that wasn't it, then what was it?

I dunno. You are the narrator. Tell me.

"Welcome to Soyah, Linkara! We have been long-since expecting your arrival." Kolponax greeted.

"It seems, your majesty, that you have me at a disadvantage. You know who I am, but I have not been told your name." Louis stated.

"Well, we certainly can't have that!" said the King, extending his hand. "I am Kolponax, son of Lethronax, and the King of Jilad. Well, actually just Soyah, now."

Don't begin throwing around a character's name if he's about to introduce himself in front of the protagonists. Makes for a weird read, is all.

"Well, here's the thing, Kolponax: rumor has it that this city was the first city to be devastated by the Darkness 300 years ago when the damn thing first showed up. So why is it that all of you are alive and no one's noticed this city being here?"

1) It's all fake, you git
2) One does not casually walk through Not-Mordor to check on things

Kolponax chuckled. "I'm afraid whoever you hear gossip from is highly mistaken. 300 years ago, the King at the time formed a non-aggression pact with the Darkness. We offered a hundred stout men to be the beginning of its army, and in return, they would not attack us. Unfortunately, because this entire area is swarming with Dark Knights, everyone has just assumed that we have been killed. However, I can assure you that we are all quite alive."

Fucking airtight story, Mr. Illusion King.

Kolponax sighed. "The Darkness threatened the entire Land of Jilad if we did not join the non-aggression pact. It was the only way to have lasting peace. And, as you can see, the Darkness also granted the people of this city one more thing."

"And what would that be, your highness?" Garik asked.

"Immortality." Kolponax responded

*

Why was the group so suspicious of the King's story, you ask?

Stop being so conversationalist, narrator.

Because of what White Raven had told them.

Turns out they all knew from the beginning how this city is actually supposed to look like, for White Raven has actually been here before during her goth phase.
It's weird af having the characters act and think like clueless idiots, only for it to turn out they've seen through the charade from the start.
Then why the fuck was Indow thinking about the fake children?

The real question that was springing up was simple: who were these people who laughed and smiled and celebrated the Darkness?

Fake like the rest of the city? How is this still a mystery?

No one in the group bought it.

For one thing, they could see an insane king wanting immortality for himself, but for all his people? That gives one a tactical disadvantage.

A tactical disadvantage in what context?

And if he were sane, he would never have signed a non-aggression treaty with the Darkness. Even a king knows that it's better to die as a whole, fighting for what you believe in, than to say that a few lives could be saved instead of them all.

This sounds way more metal than anything that has happened in the actual book so far.

"It gets worse when you consider a few more factors." Louis stated.

"What do you mean?" Garik asked.

"Tell me, Garik, the wine and food he brought to us for dinner - what did it taste and smell like?"

LMAO you actually ate that stuff? What if it was poisoned?

"Actually, my lord, the food had no scent and was rather dry and bitter. The wine was flavorless and more like life giver than wine."

Making fake food taste like real food is apparently harder to do than "programming" an entire Magic Matrix full of fake people.

"Exactly. Despite the happy atmosphere that these people are trying to project, the air here is stale and dead."

Would've been nice if you brought that up before.

"They can try to hide it all they like to our eyes, but the fact of the matter is that our other senses aren't fooling us." Louis explained.

This charade couldn't really last very long if only your sight was affected.

"Remember the life giver that I carry around with me to identify hidden agents of the Darkness? The moment we entered this city, it boiled itself black and disintegrated itself after it shattered the vile it was stuck in." Indow said.

The group was stunned. Louis turned away, wincing as he took in this new bit of information.

Nobody noticed that the vile fucking exploded from too much evil?

"If such a concentration of the Darkness were here... No, it's worse! The Darkness itself is here! Somehow it's making this facsimile of a town to try to trick us." Louis speculated.

Almost like it knows magic or something...

"But for what purpose? What could the Darkness hope to accomplish?" Garik inquired.

Like a flash of lightning across his brain, Louis figured it out and raised his head up, gasping.

"IT'S A TRAP!" he yelled.

Took you long enough.

Louis immediately made a run for the door and twisted the knob in an attempt to open it. It was locked.

Must be one of those traps that only spring into action when the victims realize they're trapped.

"Give me a few minutes and I could pick the lock-" Lithmenar started, however, Louis was already using his own methods of getting through the bars.

He balled up his fist and punched straight through the two inch-thick cages.

Lithmenar blinked. "Or we could just use Linkster's approach to this."

Heaven forbid the fucking Rogue of the party picks locks, or does anything useful, really.
Well, at least he's back to calling Linkara "Linkster" instead of "Kid".

"Hmmm... it would appear that the Darkness is much more skilled at illusions than we gave him credit for." Louis stated.

That'll teach you for always making fun of its wizard skills!
Wait, no. Nobody has ever even alluded to what the Darkness can or can't do.

(Unless you count the numerous times Linkara assumes beating the Darkness will be a piece of cake despite having no idea what it even is.)

The two skeletons standing before the group held swords in their hands and were adorned with armor. Their jaws moved up and down, the sound of laughter somehow traveling up the necks of the skeletons and moving through their mouths.

Louis promptly punched one of the skeletons' skulls.

Dunno what the skeletons were expecting, really.

The final thing to come was a new thing for most of the group, but not for Louis. It looked humanoid in many aspects, but it also had a few key differences. For one thing, these new creatures' skin was colored green and parts of that skin were missing, exposing bone and flesh. Their eyes looked off-balance from one another, and they were slow and lumbering.

"Zombies." Louis identified the creatures.

Seems a bit of a logistical nightmare to supply this city with fresh corpses. Why not use them on the frontlines?

"Necronomica. The Darkness has many skills unknown to us." Garik said

Aside from the one you identified immmediately.

"Indeed. However, I didn't come this far just to be stopped by some rip-offs from Army of Darkness or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so let's just kick their demonic asses." Louis said, grinning.

Army of Darkness and Buffy the Vampire Slayer are famous for inventing the very concept of undead.

And with that, Louis roared happily

Are you a Dwarf Slayer or something? Fucking psychopath.

Indow encased herself in a Protection Bubble, which she sat in as she focused on casting another spell; several Dark Knights and skeletons trying to break through it.

The spellcaster has to protect herself because everyone else is just doesn't give a fuck.

"HOLY LIFE GIVER!" Indow exclaimed suddenly, opening her eyes.

This is why you don't replace "water" with some stupid two-word-creation.

"All right, you egg-sucking piece of gutter trash, let me put it to you this way: you can either take me to the Darkness, or-"

"He has no need to do so, Linkara."

The group turned around to see who had spoken. A man had walked up the stairway and was now standing in the doorway.

"You have found me."

The Darkness is... a man!

Next Time: Meet the Darkness. Just how much will it be like the usual At4W villain?

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Wed Jan 22, 2025 6:01 pm

Book 1, Chapter 21 - Face of the Enemy
(Or: Also the Rest of his Body I guess)

It's fucking on, my fellow Linkarans. The Dorkness Darkness itself has finally decided to enter the story. What thrills and excitements will the great meeting of the minds bless us with?!
Also bloody hell, this is probably the shortest chapter so far.

RecapShow

Our heroes entered the first city that the Darkness wiped out about 300 years ago. An illusion made everything look fine, and everyone alive and well.
Because Raven was there before, our gang knew that this wasn't how the place is supposed to look - except for the first few paragraphs before this retcon was brought up (and a few sentences later on), when everyone was still confused and flabberghasted about the whole situation.
Apparently the good guys just never suspect that the bad guys would use magic to do shit.

It was pretty much filler material, complete with extended scenes of some king that doesn't actually exist. Way to go for the last couple chapters.

Then a few skeletons popped up, and after a very short fight (because Indow can just wipe out an arbitrary number of bad guys now) the Darkness itself (aka just some guy) finally enters the picture.

ChapterShow

Six feet tall with black hair and pale skin like the Dark Knights made up this man. His eyes were colored a deep brown, and his physique looked rather muscular and strong, despite whatever was hidden behind his dark clothes. His eyes, unlike those of the Dark Knights, seemed warm and happy. He had no weapons with him; in fact, he did not appear to be much of a threat at all. However, what made him appear to be creepy to the group was the fact that the man was smiling and baring his very white teeth to them.

"We admit, my dear Linkara, you are a very difficult man to invite to my home. We had been expecting you to come calmly with my Knights to this location. Instead, you killed them all." the man said, his voice deep but passionate.

"Well, they tried to kill my friends, so I was a little skeptical about any sort of help that you were trying to offer me in expediting my arrival." Louis replied, smiling.

The man sighed. "Those rowdy Dark Knights... We told them not to harm anyone when they were trying to obtain you. Oh well! What's important is that you're here now."

"You know, it's funny, you're not what I expected you to be." Louis stated.

"What were you expecting?"

"Honestly? A big blobby thing of dark... stuff."

The Darkness chuckled. "We know. We can assume many different forms, and we decided that this was probably the best to use when meeting with you."

The Darkness then smiled and looked over at White Raven, who was glaring at him with her fists clenched and ready to grab at her arrows to shoot at him. The Darkness grinned, exposing shiny teeth to the group once again.

"Hello, Blood Raven. It's wonderful to see you again." he said.

"That is certainly not what you told me when you last saw me. You banished me from the Dark Knights forever, and told me that if you ever saw me smile again, you would personally violate me and present me as a gift to the first church of the Linkara naked and tied up so that they could kill me." White Raven spoke.

The Darkness shrugged. "Well, you have to understand that we were upset with your behavior, Blood Raven. We might even allow you to rejoin us if we find a way to stop you from smiling."

White Raven narrowed her eyes. "My name is White Raven, enemy of the light [sic]."

The Darkness sighed and shrugged once more, turning towards Indow and Garik. Garik was holding Indow in his arms, who had a terrified look upon her face. Her very body was feeling the Darkness emanating from the man that stood and smiled in front of her. Even Garik could feel the piercing evil that came out from the Darkness. However, he was having an easier time fighting off the despair and angst that was rapidly flowing into his heart than Indow was. The Darkness began to approach them, but the two backed off.

"What ails you so, Linkaran Preachers? Have you never faced your enemy before? How sad that in the midst of your 'final victory' against me, you cower in fear." he laughed.

Garik narrowed his eyes and growled. "Be gone, vile demon! I have no interest in speaking to a murderer!"

"And yet the company you keep contains a thief and a mass-murderer! Tell me, where do you draw the line for your high and mighty morality?" the Darkness questioned.

"The Raven girl has sought redemption for her crimes, and the thief has aided my lord the Linkara in his quest to rid Sin of your presence." Garik replied.

"HA! 'Tis more likely that you yourself are just as 'evil' as you see me to be." the Darkness chuckled, walking away and now facing Lithmenar.

However, before he could say anything, Lithmenar interrupted him. "Say one word to me and I'll cut out your tongue and feed it to the maggots."

The Darkness blinked for a moment, then shrugged and faced Louis once more.

"Quite a motley little team you've assembled, Linkara! A coward, a thief, a psychopath, and a fool!" the Darkness laughed.

"Do you really think I care what your opinion of my companions is?" Louis asked, crossing his arms.

"No, but we felt the need to state my opinion. And now, Linkara, we invite you to stay here and talk with me over some food. That way we can explain to you my side of this little story, instead of the biased and one-sided view that the Linkaran Priests and Priestesses have shown you."

Louis smiled. "And I invite you to kiss my ass."

The Darkness' smile faded away, his eyes narrowing. "You really don't understand who you're dealing with, do you?"

Louis rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You really want to know who I think I'm dealing with?"

"We believe that we know already, but you should confirm my suspicions."

Louis grinned, putting his blades at his sides. "I think I'm dealing with a being that sees itself as a liberator. It sees itself as a bringer of change, an idealist, so to speak! You're an artist; painting the world to what you see as the ultimate form of self-expression. You see yourself as a visionary, a leader, a scholar!"

"Yes, Linkara, that's exactly-"

"SHUT UP." Louis interrupted.

The Darkness blinked, allowing Louis to once again speak. Louis' grin disappeared.

"However, despite your opinion of yourself, you're an egotist. You're overconfident, destructive, and lashing out at things that disagree with you. You see those around you as inferior because they either haven't achieved the clarity that you have, or are only close to your level but have not gotten far enough. You manipulate people into serving you and accepting only your ideals and beliefs. You remain in constant watch over them, ready and able to strike them down the instant they begin to express individuality. You're Big Brother. No, I take that back. You're not a powerful government that wants total suppression of free will. You're a weak little adolescent with a Hitler complex because you're afraid everyone's going to find out how small your penis is."

The group stared at Louis in disbelief, once again not able to fully comprehend Louis' choice of words. The Darkness narrowed his eyes once more at Louis, his fists clenching. Then he closed his eyes and bent his head down slightly, smiling.

"Well, this hasn't exactly gone as we had wanted. We had hoped that you would listen to reason, use some of that 'tolerance' that you seem to pride yourself on." The Darkness said.

"I don't tolerate dictators." Louis growled.

The Darkness sighed once more, keeping his head low. "Well, since you won't listen to reason, perhaps a more direct approach shall be necessary."

All of a sudden, the Darkness snapped his neck back and opened his eyes, which had glossed over with a black hue. The entire group gasped and yelped as they were suddenly lifted off the ground by an unseen force and sent flying against one another at the opposite wall. They all winced when they recovered from the incident, Louis particularly. Louis growled, then grinned.

"I'll skewer you, you ugly son of a bitch!" he roared, charging at the Darkness.

However, the Darkness merely raised his right hand, and Louis felt himself lift off of the ground and slam into the ceiling. He winced, feeling the armor absorb most of the impact, then fell to the ground once more, growling as he began to be pushed back once more by the Darkness' telekinesis. After he was once more slammed into the rest of the group, Louis up and looked at the others.

"All right, time for plan B." he rasped.

"And what's that?" Lithmenar asked.

"RUN!"

And with that, Louis led the group down the flight of stairs. The Darkness chuckled and made a wide grin.

"This shall be fun."

*

Everything that had been falsified returned to how it should be. The city of Soyah was once more a barren and deserted ghost town. Skeletons lined the streets from the beings that had once been alive. For 300 years these bodies had lain upon the ground undisturbed except for the occasional skeleton that had been trampled by a horse of the Dark Knights. Dark clouds covered the sun, making it appear as if it were going to rain. However, all it did was block out the light that the sun gave. The laughter of happy children no longer echoed through the streets. It had been replaced by the sound of the dead leaves flying in the wind.

Louis stopped when he looked around at this. He had heard tales of this from White Raven, but nothing he had heard had truly prepared himself for this. The smell of death, the air of carnage, the disregard for life; it all overwhelmed Louis in an instant. He was almost ready to just collapse from the horrible stench of it all. The others ahead of him had stopped and turned.

"My lord, we must leave!" Indow exclaimed.

Louis clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "No. We came here to find the Darkness and fight it, and it's about damn time we did it!"

Louis turned around, his blades unsheathing in an instant. He looked up, sensing the direction that the Darkness would come from. The man that represented Louis' mortal enemy was phasing out of the wall very near to the ceiling of the castle. The Darkness began to descend, continuing to smile as Louis grinned and looked up at him.

"To quote Invader Zim, I'm really looking forward to twisting you into a twisted, horrible knot; MADE FROM YOU!" he shouted, pointing at the Darkness.

The Darkness let out a single laugh and extended his arm at Louis. Louis winced and jumped out of the way, hoping that the Darkness' telekinesis worked in straight lines. Unfortunately, it did not. Louis was thrown back from the castle towards the others. He immediately got back up and charged towards the Darkness once more. The Darkness began to raise his arm up like he was going to use his mental abilities once more, but Louis moved faster. He slammed his blade into the Darkness' stomach, grinning widely. The Darkness lurched and coughed up some blood, but continued to live. He growled and his eyes once again turned black. Louis was sent flying through the air into the nearest cottage. He burst through the wall, landing in the debris.

The Darkness turned his head towards the others now. He grinned as he stared at Indow, his cold, black eyes looking into her's. He rose up his hands, and Indow was torn from Garik's arms, much to his surprise. Indow screamed as she came into the Darkness' arms and struggled needlessly against him. However, the Darkness put his hand over her eyes, and she fell unconscious. Garik tried to charge like Louis had, but White Raven and Lithmenar grabbed onto his arms, restraining him.

"You may return to my castle in a few hours if you'd like to reclaim her. In the meantime, I'd suggest finding some place to stay and regain your strength." The Darkness said.

As the Darkness turned, carrying the limp Indow in his arms, Louis called out to the Darkness.

"WAIT!"

The Darkness shifted his gaze towards Louis, who was pulling himself from the destroyed cottage.

"I'm the one you want! Take me, instead!" he stated.

And at that moment, Louis felt a cold feeling run up from his chest, through his neck, and into his head. It felt almost as if a sharp wind had blown against his face, or a brain freeze had taken hold of him. However, the feeling quickly subsided and was replaced by the sudden addition of a golden armor attached to Louis' head. It shaped quickly, forming a protective seal around the back of his neck. A round, ridge-like structure formed the top of it. The latest addition to Louis' armor was a crown.

The Darkness stared at the boy briefly, considering for a moment whether to grant his request or not. He then grinned and turned his attention towards Indow.

"No thank you, Linkara. By taking the girl, I am absolutely ensuring your return. Until then, Louis!" The Darkness laughed, continuing to carry Indow inside of the castle.

RiffingShow

However, what made him appear to be creepy to the group was the fact that the man was smiling and baring his very white teeth to them.

Apparently everyone on Sin - and Linkara - has only yellow teeth.

"We admit, my dear Linkara, you are a very difficult man to invite to my home. We had been expecting you to come calmly with my Knights to this location."

So the Dorkness' gimmick is that it refers to itself by either the royal or hive mind plural.
But shouldn't this be "our home" and "our knights"? This won't be the last time our dear author fucks this up, right?

And while I'm busy being a Grammar Nazi: Are "he/him" pronouns really the right choice for this "guy"? He's obviously some Eldritch Horror/God Thing that just decided to look like a dude.

The man sighed. "Those rowdy Dark Knights... We told them not to harm anyone when they were trying to obtain you. Oh well! What's important is that you're here now."

What was like the entire point of that brawl the other chapter, when you were just a few steps away from the whole carnage?
Seems to me that Linkara (the author) just wanted an excuse for Linkara (the character) to punch a skeleton (the undead creature).

You know, it's funny, you're not what I expected you to be." Louis stated.

"What were you expecting?"

"Honestly? A big blobby thing of dark... stuff."

TBF, for a smuch as this book loves to go on and on about the Darkness, we really never got an even halway clear picture of what this "Darkness" even is.

The Darkness grinned, exposing shiny teeth to the group once again.

"Nooo! Anything but that!"

"Hello, Blood Raven. It's wonderful to see you again." he said.

"That is certainly not what you told me when you last saw me. You banished me from the Dark Knights forever, and told me that if you ever saw me smile again, you would personally violate me and present me as a gift to the first church of the Linkara naked and tied up so that they could kill me." White Raven spoke.

The Darkness shrugged. "Well, you have to understand that we were upset with your behavior, Blood Raven. We might even allow you to rejoin us if we find a way to stop you from smiling."

1) Kinky
2) Just make her the sixth Horsema'am. Or better yet, make her the fifth and fire Myrrha. She sucks balls, but not in the good kind of way.

White Raven narrowed her eyes. "My name is White Raven, enemy of the light [sic]."

That's... good for you?

"What ails you so, Linkaran Preachers? Have you never faced your enemy before? How sad that in the midst of your 'final victory' against me, you cower in fear." he laughed.

Garik narrowed his eyes and growled. "Be gone, vile demon! I have no interest in speaking to a murderer!"

I feel like "murderer" is a bit pedestrian when talking to what is essentially Morgoth.

"And yet the company you keep contains a thief and a mass-murderer! Tell me, where do you draw the line for your high and mighty morality?" the Darkness questioned.

Ah, he called it "murderer" so it could detonate this truth bomb.

"The Raven girl has sought redemption for her crimes, and the thief has aided my lord the Linkara in his quest to rid Sin of your presence." Garik replied.

What has Lithmenar actually done to help, really?

HA! 'Tis more likely that you yourself are just as 'evil' as you see me to be." the Darkness chuckled, walking away and now facing Lithmenar.

However, before he could say anything, Lithmenar interrupted him. "Say one word to me and I'll cut out your tongue and feed it to the maggots."

The Darkness blinked for a moment, then shrugged and faced Louis once more.

Ah, I see Lithmenar wants to have his head exploded first. Luckily for him, the Darkness doesn't give enough of a fuck about him.

"And now, Linkara, we invite you to stay here and talk with me over some food."

Shouldn't this be "talk with us over some food"?
And yes, I'm gonna point out each and every time our dear author fucks up. Just to keep my eyes sharp, and my urge to kill high.

"That way we can explain to you my side of this little story"

It's "our side of this little story", FFS.

Louis smiled. "And I invite you to kiss my ass."

The Darkness' smile faded away, his eyes narrowing. "You really don't understand who you're dealing with, do you?"

"The only ones who can provoke us like this without looking like a fool are the descendants of Sparda, and you are not among them!"

Louis rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You really want to know who I think I'm dealing with?"

"We believe that we know already, but you should confirm my suspicions."

Dis gonna be gud.

Louis grinned, putting his blades at his sides. "I think I'm dealing with a being that sees itself as a liberator. It sees itself as a bringer of change, an idealist, so to speak! You're an artist; painting the world to what you see as the ultimate form of self-expression. You see yourself as a visionary, a leader, a scholar!"

Dafuq? Dude, you just met, and all this Dorkness did so far was spout Generic Charismatic Villain dialogue.

"Yes, Linkara, that's exactly-"

"SHUT UP." Louis interrupted.

The Darkness blinked, allowing Louis to once again speak. Louis' grin disappeared

"I AM NOT DONE YET, MAGGOT. THE GREAT LINKARA WANTS TO BLESS YOU WITH EVEN MORE EXPOSITION!"

"However, despite your opinion of yourself, you're an egotist. You're overconfident, destructive, and lashing out at things that disagree with you. You see those around you as inferior because they either haven't achieved the clarity that you have, or are only close to your level but have not gotten far enough. You manipulate people into serving you and accepting only your ideals and beliefs. You remain in constant watch over them, ready and able to strike them down the instant they begin to express individuality. You're Big Brother. No, I take that back. You're not a powerful government that wants total suppression of free will. You're a weak little adolescent with a Hitler complex because you're afraid everyone's going to find out how small your penis is."

Projection much?

Who the fuck wants a story that actually takes time to explore the personality and motivations of the main bad guy? Just have Linkara over here turn into Sherlock Fucking Holmes and give us a complete psychological profile.
And was that with the tiny penis really necessary? You're gonna regret that when this thing gets bored and decides to go full-on Zalgo on your ass.

Also what's up with this surveillance nonsense? We've seen Dark Knights openly talk about how they're gonna ignore the Darkness' direct orders for fun.

"I don't tolerate dictators." Louis growled.

Says the guy who rules the Linkaran faith with an iron fist and threatens any dissidents with a slit throat.

The Darkness sighed once more, keeping his head low. "Well, since you won't listen to reason, perhaps a more direct approach shall be necessary."

All of a sudden, the Darkness snapped his neck back and opened his eyes, which had glossed over with a black hue. The entire group gasped and yelped as they were suddenly lifted off the ground by an unseen force and sent flying against one another at the opposite wall. They all winced when they recovered from the incident, Louis particularly. Louis growled, then grinned.

Linkara winced extra hard, so you know this was powerful.

"I'll skewer you, you ugly son of a bitch!" he roared, charging at the Darkness.

He never learns, does he?

However, the Darkness merely raised his right hand, and Louis felt himself lift off of the ground and slam into the ceiling.

My, what a shocking turn of events.

"All right, time for plan B." he rasped.

"And what's that?" Lithmenar asked.

"RUN!"

Wow, he's actually being smart for once.

*

Everything that had been falsified returned to how it should be. The city of Soyah was once more a barren and deserted ghost town.

Nobody cares about Soytown.
Also shouldn't the Dark Knights have cleaned this up a bit, seeing how this is apparently their main "base of operations" or something?

Louis stopped when he looked around at this. He had heard tales of this from White Raven, but nothing he had heard had truly prepared himself for this. The smell of death, the air of carnage, the disregard for life; it all overwhelmed Louis in an instant.

Didn't you confirm in the previous chapter that the illusion did not mask the stale, dead air?

Louis clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "No. We came here to find the Darkness and fight it, and it's about damn time we did it!"

I'm sure it'll eventually get bored and give up if you let it go all Silver the Hedgehog on you for a few more hours.

"To quote Invader Zim, I'm really looking forward to twisting you into a twisted, horrible knot; MADE FROM YOU!" he shouted, pointing at the Darkness.

This wouldn't even be threatening without the stupid quote. You haven't even been able to touch this guy so far, let alone wound him.

He immediately got back up and charged towards the Darkness once more. The Darkness began to raise his arm up like he was going to use his mental abilities once more, but Louis moved faster. He slammed his blade into the Darkness' stomach, grinning widely. The Darkness lurched and coughed up some blood, but continued to live. He growled and his eyes once again turned black. Louis was sent flying through the air into the nearest cottage. He burst through the wall, landing in the debris.

I dunno what's dumber: That Linkara keeps using the same move despite it always ending with him getting ragdolled all over the place - or that it actually worked this time.

He rose up his hands, and Indow was torn from Garik's arms, much to his surprise. Indow screamed as she came into the Darkness' arms and struggled needlessly against him.

Ah, I see it's time for Indow to get kidnapped again.

"You may return to my castle in a few hours if you'd like to reclaim her. In the meantime, I'd suggest finding some place to stay and regain your strength." The Darkness said

That's "our castle" and "We'd suggest", thank you very much.

"I'm the one you want! Take me, instead!" he stated.

And at that moment, Louis felt a cold feeling run up from his chest, through his neck, and into his head. It felt almost as if a sharp wind had blown against his face, or a brain freeze had taken hold of him. However, the feeling quickly subsided and was replaced by the sudden addition of a golden armor attached to Louis' head. It shaped quickly, forming a protective seal around the back of his neck. A round, ridge-like structure formed the top of it. The latest addition to Louis' armor was a crown.

Wow, that almost felt earned I guess.

"No thank you, Linkara. By taking the girl, I am absolutely ensuring your return. Until then, Louis!" The Darkness laughed, continuing to carry Indow inside of the castle.

Bloody hell. "We are absolutely ensuring your return".

Next Time: Just how much will Indow suffer this time?

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Fri Jan 24, 2025 7:26 pm

Book 1, Chapter 22 - Et Tu, My Friend?
(Or: This is the Chapter where I get betrayed)

Does Linkara (the author) think he's clever by appropriating Julius Ceasar's fictional last words? I'm pretty sure he's appropriating it wrong unless he gets betrayed by multiple nakama, seeing how it's about Julius getting betrayed and adressing the last person he would've expected to be part of the conspiracy.

RecapShow

So they met the Dorkness, who has taken the form of some guy who keeps talking a bit much for an Evil Overlord and makes rather weaksauce attempts at trying to convince the good guys to join him so they can rule the galaxy Sin together.
Really, it comes across like this evil god-thing is obsessed with playing mind games and trying to corrupt people. Heaven forbid it actually tries to kill any of the main characters.
It also refers to itself as "we", except when our dear author forgets this gimmick with alarming regularity, sometimes switching within the same sentence.

Eventually a proper fight started - aka the Darkness started force-pushing everyone without effort, so they made a run for it.
Our courageous hero Linkara went for his most devilish tactic: Charge blindly at the guy with Force Push and hope for the best. After getting ragdolled around a lot, the Darkness eventually tried something with a longer casting time and got stabbed.
Unfortunately for our heroes, the Darkness has more than enough hit points to tank this hit, and now we're back to the classic Angel Armor scenario of "The bad guy has kidnapped Indow!"
Oh, also Linkara got the crown/tiara part of his armor, whatever that does.

Probably the most baffling bit was Linkara rattling down an entire psychological profile for the Darkness, because we can't have any kind of mystery with regards to character motivations I guess. I suspect Linkara just wanted to spout fancy-sounding words.
For one, this unnecessarily humanizes the Darkness. Cosmic hive mind horrors shouldn't be perfectly classified using human psychoanalysis, and the same can be said for most non-human antagonists. There's a reason why Sauron as depicted in LotR is more of an evil will than a "real" character.
Also where did he come up with this "Ah-HA! I can read you like a book!" moment? The only shit I can think of are Kishibe Rohan from JoJo (who can literally read you like a book), or the Knight's final speech from the Potion Seller video (except Linkara's version is a lot more long-winded, unprompted and unearned).
And finally: Why? Does our dear author think it makes the hero look smart (instead of autistic)? Does he think this makes for better storytelling? Does he think Return of the Jedi could only be improved by having Luke Skywalker list off all of Palpatine's character flaws?

ChapterShow

"I'm going after her, and that's not up for discussion."

Before the group had arrived at Soyah, they had stayed at a very small abandoned inn that sat on the only hill in Jilad for the night. There were several rooms available to the group, and despite the fact that the inn hadn't been used in over 300 years, it was still perfectly usable and incredibly efficient as a base of operations for the group. Unfortunately, the minute that Louis had walked back into it after the group had retreated from Soyah, he had spoken those words and now waited patiently for a response, even though he had just said that the issue was not up for discussion.

"My lord, you cannot be serious!" Garik stated.

"I can and am, Garik! I made a promise to everyone assembled here, and I intend to keep it. Indow was taken by Myrrha, and because of that she was raped and tortured. I'm not about to let that son of a bitch make her suffer through it all over again!" Louis exclaimed.

"Kid, be realistic. He sent us all flying just by using his mind! How can we fight that?" Lithmenar asked.

"By being faster and more cunning! We can hurt it. We know that because I managed to stab it and make it feel pain. Since we now know that conventional weapons do harm the Darkness, I say we go back and slit it's throat ear to ear." Louis explained.

"Linkara, we must consider this more carefully. I know the Darkness. I was a PART of the Darkness. You cannot stand against it alone. We should wait for the armies that are coming and take our chances for when they arrive." White Raven suggested.

"Look, I came here to kill that motherfucker. I'm not going to back down now! The discussion is OVER. I'm going back there now, and if you want to come with me, you can come. Otherwise you can stay here and prepare to rescue me if things go wrong." Louis shouted, turning to leave the group.

"The prophecies say that you're going to die!"

Louis stopped. Garik had just shouted that out at him. Louis brought himself around to face Garik, who was standing with his arms crossed. Louis raised an eyebrow. He didn't need to say anything to allow Garik to continue.

"I picked up a prophecy before I came to help Indow back at Cooc. It is the final piece of the scroll, my lord. Actual, to be more precise, the final pieces." Garik stated.

"What are you talking about?" White Raven inquired.

"It would appear that the Linkaran man who wrote the prophecies wasn't sure what the outcome would be in your battle with the Darkness. He wrote two different prophecies about the outcome. The first is, as I quote, 'When the darkest time comes, the Angel shall rise from his suffering a thousand times stronger, the light that his companions shine rejuvenating him, and he shall utter a word that shall defeat the Darkness once and for all.'"

Louis blinked. "And the other?"

"'He shall forfeit his life in order to save Sin and destroy the evil once and for all.'"

Louis stared at him for a moment, then shrugged and turned to the door once again. "Okay; whatever."

"Louis, don't you understand?! You could be-" Lithmenar began.

Louis interrupted him. "I could be what, Lithie?! Killed? HA! Death is such a limited concept. Maybe I will die after I defeat the Darkness, but I don't care! We're all going to die someday, guys. I've been prophesized to kill this thing, and I don't like letting down the powers that be, okay? You don't want me to give up my life, well fine! Neither do I. However, the simple fact of the matter is that win or lose, I'll go down fighting."

And with that, Louis promptly turned and walked out the door, the others sighing and exchanging glances.

*

Louis stepped into Soyah once again. The city was still exactly as he had left it: cold and dead. He looked down at the ground, seeing soil that seemed to be more dusty than dirty. Louis looked up once more and began walking through the deserted streets. He shivered, realizing that he had never truly heard absolute silence before. Always there had been a sound that he could focus on, even when he had slept. But this place had no sounds coming from it; not even the wind that had been here earlier seemed to be blowing anymore.

After a few more minutes, Louis arrived at the castle. Two Dark Knights stood at either side of the doorway, guarding the main entranceway. They both saw Louis and stood up straight, their grips tightening on the axes that they held. Louis balled up his fists and walked up to one of the Dark Knights, who glared back at him. Louis took a deep breath and spoke.

"Just to tell you, I feel quite silly saying this. Take me to your leader."

The Dark Knight nodded and opened the main door. The other Dark Knight got behind Louis, along with the one that had opened the door. The two followed behind Louis as they moved throughout the corridors to the main dining chamber. Louis half-sighed, seeing the devastation in the hallways. The ground seemed even more littered with debris and corpses than it had been when he had been there earlier. Louis winced slightly as he realized he had stepped on a dead rat that had only halfway decomposed. He gulped and continued onwards.

One of the Dark Knights spoke up. "Just to tell you, I would much rather try to kill you than try this odd way of doing things that the Great Darkness has ordered me to carry out."

"I assure you," Louis said back, "that the feeling is mutual."

The three finally arrived at the dining chamber. The room was vast; about as large as the main throne room. There was a large skylight that hung above everything, allowing a grayish light to be cast down into the room. A single table was in the room, spanning the entire distance of the room. At one side of the table sat the Darkness, who was politely consuming what appeared to be a steak and some broccoli on the side. At the other end of the table was Indow, sitting off to the side. She had food in front of her, as well, but it hadn't been touched. She appeared to be all right, but her head was hung over and she wasn't smiling. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying. The Darkness suddenly looked up from his meal and saw Louis.

"Ah, welcome, Louis! Please, have a seat at my table. We're sure you'd like to get through this matter very quickly. You must have many questions. All we ask is that you hear my side of the story before you try to fight Me." the Darkness said.

Louis smiled and nodded, sitting at the chair opposite from the Darkness. He turned to Indow.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded, looking up and smiling up at him a little. Louis smiled back, then turned back to face the Darkness.

"All right, let's start with the truth about Soyah. What the hell really happened to these people?" he queried.

The Darkness smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Well, it is all quite simple, Linkara. Yes, Kolponax did indeed strike a deal with me to protect his people. The deal actually extended to all cities in Jilad, in which they would be protected from attack by my forces. Kolponax would give 100 men to me to build an army. Those original 100 are still alive and serve as my personal armada. After a few weeks or so, we began to realize quite a few things about myself. As we began to demolish the weaker elements of the 100, we began to realize what a chaotic and tormented world this is. We took it upon myself to eradicate the destructive elements of these people's natures, like compassion and joy, and then sent them into Soyah to test them."

"They killed everyone." Louis insinuated.

"Precisely. We looked around at the dead city, seeing that these 100 Knights, clad only in black armor, had fought back an army five times its size! These beings were truly the ultimate accomplishment. They were unstoppable and more than we could've ever hoped them to be." The Darkness explained.

Louis narrowed his eyes. "Yes, your goal was to make them joyless shells of nothing but bitterness and shittiness. Well, I've got to say mission accomplished!"

The Darkness shook his head. "You truly don't understand, do you? Honestly, where does happiness lead people? It brings them lust, passion, and greed. Lust can lead to jealousy and envy. Passion only leads to lust. And greed? We think you already know about that. No matter how happy you might be, Louis, you will only be wanting more and more. You'll crave and lust it, and it shall destroy you. That is why we removed such horrible traits from the Dark Knights. And although we will never remove those traits from myself, we strive for the Dark Knights to become that which we shall never be."

"That's another thing," Louis stated. "You keep saying 'we' instead of 'I.' What's the deal?"

Louis raised an eyebrow when he saw that the Darkness looked... uncomfortable. The Darkness then returned to his former state of happiness as he started cutting into a piece of his steak.

"The Dark Knights exist with us in a state of collective consciousness. We can command them with our thoughts, and so since we all share one mind, we can either refer ourselves as 'me' or 'we.'" The Darkness explained, then placed a piece of steak in his mouth.

Louis smiled. "Oh, really? How interesting. So you've been keeping tabs on me every time I've encountered any Dark Knights?"

The Darkness nodded. "You've had quite an interesting adventure. It will be nice to have you on my side."

Louis shook his head. "Oh, no, I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon."

"Oh, but we believe that it will." The Darkness replied.

Louis stood up. "No, I don't think it will. I don't care if you think that you're creating the perfect beings by removing their ability to be hopeful or happy, you're still a murderer. You murdered the people of this town and then desecrated their remains by using necromancy. You've killed innocent people in cold blood simply to try to advance your own goals. Your troops have raped women and children, and since you share a telepathic bond with them, you are guilty of those crimes, as well. And you killed Rain Vendre, the Sorceress I befriended when I first arrived on your shithole planet. And I think that it's time Indow and I left!"

And with that, Louis grabbed Indow by the arm and pulled her from her chair. The Darkness stood up, his eyes turning black as he raised his hand. However, before his telekinetic abilities could reach him, Louis put up his gauntlet in a blocking maneuver. The gauntlet charged with electrical energy, sending an electrical beam across the Darkness' telekinetic wave. The lightning bolt collided into the Darkness' head, eliciting a scream from him. The Darkness fell back, yelping in pain as Louis ran with Indow away from the dining chamber.

The Darkness growled and pulled himself back into his chair. He held his head in his hands, recovering from the blast. Then he began to chuckle silently as he fell back against the back of the chair, holding his head with one hand.

*

Louis pulled Indow through the hallways, looking around each corner to see if a Dark Knight was approaching. He was happy that he could use the armor to protect himself from the telekinetic assaults of the Darkness, but trying to do that and fight Dark Knights at the same time could pose some problems for him. He made his way through the hallways back to the main door to make his escape from the castle.

"Jeez, Indow, this isn't exactly working as I planned... We're not even meeting one Dark Knight! I mean, yeah, I'm happy that there's no resistance, but this isn't exactly the most satisfying experience." Louis said.

Indow said nothing as he walked along the hallway.

"Are you all right? You haven't said anything since- AGH!"

Louis felt a pain shoot through the side of his leg. He suddenly dropped to one side, clutching his leg in agony. Louis felt around for a bit, gasping as he found the cause of his discomfort: a knife that was plunged deep into the side of his leg where there wasn't any armor. He looked back up and saw Indow standing over him, tears falling down her face. Although Louis felt remorseful for her tears, the pain of having a very sharp object sticking into him was much more fresh in his mind.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"I am sorry, my lord, but I love you." she responded.

"You stabbed me because you love me?! Et Tu, Brutus?"

"I know not your worlds [sic], my lord, but allow me explain. I love you like I love no other. Unfortunately, you could never love me like I love you. That... that despicable creature promised me your love if I give you to him." Indow explained.

Louis rolled his eyes, groaning in anger as he pulled the knife from his leg. He winced as blood poured from the hole. Despite that, Louis tried to stand and continue on. Unfortunately, he saw two Dark Knights approaching. He once again tried to stand so he could fight them, but failed and collapsed backwards. The Dark Knights picked him up and dragged him to the Dining Chamber. The Darkness finished up his meal as Louis was tied down to the chair he had been in before. Indow knelt down in front of him and closed her eyes. She whispered a few words, and the injury to Louis' leg sealed up. Louis futilely struggled against the restraints as the Darkness approached him.

"Well, well, Linkara! Let us continue our conversation on a different plane: your mind."

RiffingShow

"I'm going after her, and that's not up for discussion."

What a surprising turn of events. I would've never seen this coming.

Before the group had arrived at Soyah, they had stayed at a very small abandoned inn that sat on the only hill in Jilad for the night.

I guess the various ruins of Soyah weren't pleasing enough for the eyes?

despite the fact that the inn hadn't been used in over 300 years, it was still perfectly usable and incredibly efficient as a base of operations for the group.

What does that even mean? Is there a holy statue that restores your HP and MP if you interact with it?

Unfortunately, the minute that Louis had walked back into it after the group had retreated from Soyah, he had spoken those words...

How far away from the city is this inn, anyways? Sounds weird to calmly walk away from the hostage situation for potentially hours and then go "I HAVE TO SAVE HER!"

... and now waited patiently for a response, even though he had just said that the issue was not up for discussion.

You just love telling other peoples that their opinions suck, don't you?

"My lord, you cannot be serious!" Garik stated.

"I can and am, Garik! I made a promise to everyone assembled here, and I intend to keep it. Indow was taken by Myrrha, and because of that she was raped and tortured. I'm not about to let that son of a bitch make her suffer through it all over again!" Louis exclaimed.

You're like the only one on this entire planet who thinks that was a big deal. Even Indow herself doesn't give as much of a toss as you do.

"Kid, be realistic. He sent us all flying just by using his mind! How can we fight that?" Lithmenar asked.

"By being faster and more cunning!"

We have seen you try and fight it. There was no cunning involved whatsoever, and your speed only helped you once.
Also this reminds me of that one battle where you also insisted on "outsmarting" the opposition - except your own ideas where fucking shit, and the battle was ultimately won by Indow remembering some useful spells.

"We can hurt it. We know that because I managed to stab it and make it feel pain. Since we now know that conventional weapons do harm the Darkness, I say we go back and slit it's throat ear to ear." Louis explained.

Are you for fucking real? How are your weapons "conventional"? The only thing you've proven is that the Darkness can in fact be affected by a +5 Arm Blade of Darknessbane.

"I picked up a prophecy before I came to help Indow back at Cooc."

Why'd you wait until now for this piece of information? I don't care if it's because they're talking about how Linkara's gonna die. It's vital intel.
Also why isn't this more widely known, if this is apparently one of the few pieces of the prophecy you guys can actually read?
If I didn't know any better, I'd say our dear author has suddenly remembered that the prophecy wasn't complete yet.

"It would appear that the Linkaran man who wrote the prophecies wasn't sure what the outcome would be in your battle with the Darkness. He wrote two different prophecies about the outcome."

How to try and make things exciting when your prophecy is too perfect: Just have the unfailing prophet go "I'm not to sure about this part..."
And before you get your hopes up: Both prophecies are about Linkara triumphing over the Darkness. It's just about the details.

'When the darkest time comes, the Angel shall rise from his suffering a thousand times stronger, the light that his companions shine rejuvenating him, and he shall utter a word that shall defeat the Darkness once and for all.'

Everyone knows that word:

(And since when does the prophecy refer to the Linkara as "the Angel"?)

'He shall forfeit his life in order to save Sin and destroy the evil once and for
all.'

I have a feeling he won't actually die.

Louis stared at him for a moment, then shrugged and turned to the door once again. "Okay; whatever."

You've been acting like you have a death wish this whole book, anyways.

"Louis, don't you understand?! You could be-" Lithmenar began.

Louis interrupted him. "I could be what, Lithie?! Killed? HA! Death is such a limited concept. Maybe I will die after I defeat the Darkness, but I don't care! We're all going to die someday, guys.

Can't argue with that.

I've been prophesized to kill this thing, and I don't like letting down the powers that be, okay?

How much free will do you even have in this matter, anyways? Are your thoughts and actions really yours when the infallible prophecy has made you its main character? Never thought about that with your galaxy brain, eh?

And with that, Louis promptly turned and walked out the door, the others sighing and exchanging glances.

"There he goes again..."

*

Louis stepped into Soyah once again. The city was still exactly as he had left it:
cold and dead.

What did you expect? A carnival?

After a few more minutes, Louis arrived at the castle. Two Dark Knights stood at either side of the doorway, guarding the main entranceway.

This must be the most boring job on the planet.

"Just to tell you, I feel quite silly saying this. Take me to your leader."

"Be glad that I have suppressed my blood lust for now, for I don't want to miss even a second of Indow's rape session!"

Louis half-sighed, seeing the devastation in the hallways.

What do you care what this place looks like?
Also why are the bad guys so okay with this place crumbling to dust? Don't they wanna make this place dark and badass?

One of the Dark Knights spoke up. "Just to tell you, I would much rather try to kill you than try this odd way of doing things that the Great Darkness has ordered me to carry out."

"I assure you," Louis said back, "that the feeling is mutual."

Hey, I was joking with that blood lust bit.

A single table was in the room, spanning the entire distance of the room.

Hooray for repetition.

At one side of the table sat the Darkness, who was politely consuming what appeared to be a steak and some broccoli on the side.

I bet the likes of Sauron and Voldemort would've been even more menacing if we had scenes of them politely eating their lunch.

(Why the fuck is this Evil Overlord acting like a Bond villain, anyways?)

She appeared to be all right, but her head was hung over and she wasn't smiling

Shit, the hostage is not smiling. That means she's evil now!

"Ah, welcome, Louis! Please, have a seat at my table. We're sure you'd like to get through this matter very quickly. You must have many questions. All we ask is that you hear my side of the story before you try to fight Me." the Darkness said.

Only the most fiendish evil mastermind would keep going "Will you listen to my story and join me, please?" to someone who has no interest in hearing him out.
Maybe it would make more sense if the guy would actually explain why he is so autistically obsessed with trying to recruit Linkara.

Also FFS it's "OUR side" and "fight US".

Louis smiled and nodded, sitting at the chair opposite from the Darkness. He turned to Indow.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"The size of his rock dildos has left something to be desired, my lord."

"All right, let's start with the truth about Soyah. What the hell really happened to these people?" he queried.

Is this really a big mystery? You think the Darkness teleported them to the lands of milk and honey?

"Yes, Kolponax did indeed strike a deal with me to protect his people"

Oh, this is all because the illusion rambled something about a deal. Okay.
And that's "with us", dammit.

"The deal actually extended to all cities in Jilad, in which they would be protected from attack by my forces."

"Our forces". Our.

"Kolponax would give 100 men to me to build an army. Those original 100 are still alive and serve as my personal armada."

So they turned into ships?
Also that's "our personal armada".

"After a few weeks or so, we began to realize quite a few things about myself."

Now you're just doing it on purpose.

"We took it upon myself"

"They killed everyone." Louis insinuated.

"Precisely."

So what really happened was... exactly what everyone already knew.

"We looked around at the dead city, seeing that these 100 Knights, clad only in black armor, had fought back an army five times its size! These beings were truly the ultimate accomplishment. They were unstoppable and more than we could've ever hoped them to be." The Darkness explained.

That's like a cool story I guess, but the current Dork Knights have never been shown to be particularly stronger than a regular human, making your argument about emotionally stunted knights being the ultimate weapon null and void.

"The Darkness shook his head. "You truly don't understand, do you? Honestly, where does happiness lead people? It brings them lust, passion, and greed. Lust can lead to jealousy and envy. Passion only leads to lust. And greed? We think you already know about that."

Basically this, but for happiness:

"That is why we removed such horrible traits from the Dark Knights. And although we will never remove those traits from myself, we strive for the Dark Knights to become that which we shall never be."

1) "from ourselves"
2) Why don't you fix yourself?
3) The behavior of your perfected human beings is pretty much indistinguishable from those of a regular human, except they never smile. They even openly talk about disobeying your orders, and they are still able to become jealous - because that's the whole reason why you had to handicap your Horsemen with pesky happy thoughts.

"That's another thing," Louis stated. "You keep saying 'we' instead of 'I.' What's
the deal?"

It seems Linkara (the character) is unaware of the multiple times Linkara (the author) fucked this up.

Louis raised an eyebrow when he saw that the Darkness looked... uncomfortable. The Darkness then returned to his former state of happiness as he started cutting into a piece of his steak.

Great. Just like with the constant reminders that the Dark Knights aren't smiling, this is gonna be some "clever" clue, isn't it?

"The Dark Knights exist with us in a state of collective consciousness."

No they fucking don't.

"we all share one mind."

No you fucking don't.
A bit late to try and retcon the Dark Knights into the fucking Borg, isn't it?

"It will be nice to have you on my side."

"Our side".

Louis shook his head. "Oh, no, I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon."

"Oh, but we believe that it will." The Darkness replied.

Seriously, Darkness, this relationship ain't gonna work out.

"Your troops have raped women and children, and since you share a telepathic bond with them, you are guilty of those crimes, as well."

"Now if you had merely ordered them to pillage and rape to their hearts' content, you would be perfectly innocent!"

The gauntlet charged with electrical energy, sending an electrical beam across the Darkness' telekinetic wave.

Apparently Linkara can just shoot lightning now.

The Darkness growled and pulled himself back into his chair. He held his head in his hands, recovering from the blast. Then he began to chuckle silently as he fell back against the back of the chair, holding his head with one hand.

"He really loves us!"

*

He was happy that he could use the armor to protect himself from the telekinetic assaults of the Darkness

That would've been pretty useful last chapter. Is that the terrible power of the new tiara?

"Jeez, Indow, this isn't exactly working as I planned... We're not even meeting one Dark Knight! I mean, yeah, I'm happy that there's no resistance, but this isn't exactly the most satisfying experience." Louis said.

Fucking psychopath is miffed that he doesn't get to shank people during his heroic escape.

Louis felt a pain shoot through the side of his leg. He suddenly dropped to one side, clutching his leg in agony. Louis felt around for a bit, gasping as he found the cause of his discomfort: a knife that was plunged deep into the side of his leg where there wasn't any armor.

Just like with any good waifu, raping her long enough made Indow evil.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"Ah, shucks, man. You stabbed me in the leg. That's not cool, like, at all."

"I am sorry, my lord, but I love you." she responded.

"You stabbed me because you love me?! Et Tu, Brutus?"

So Linkara's response to getting literally backstabbed by his girlfriend is to use a quote in the wrong context.

"I know not your worlds [sic], my lord, but allow me explain. I love you like I love no other. Unfortunately, you could never love me like I love you. That... that despicable creature promised me your love if I give you to him." Indow explained.

Should probably be "your words".
Also how does this make sense? When waifus get corrupted in hentai and doujin, they're usually lusting after something "forbidden" or "out of reach" - like their own sister, or their heterosexual BFF (who is probably in love with some male senpai).
But here? The only reason you two haven't snuggled already is because you got cock-blocked by the sky having an epic period.

Louis rolled his eyes, groaning in anger as he pulled the knife from his leg. He winced as blood poured from the hole.

He bled to death shortly after.

"Well, well, Linkara! Let us continue our conversation on a different plane: your mind."

"There are a lot of dead, gangbanging puppets in your head, Linkara."

Next Time: The battle of the minds - literally.

wulfenlord · Post by **wulfenlord** » Sat Jan 25, 2025 5:16 pm

At this point I'm just here for the ride :3

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Sun Jan 26, 2025 9:50 am

wulfenlord wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 25, 2025 5:16 pm
At this point I'm just here for the ride :3

I want to get off Mr. Lovhaug's Wild Ride.

SpoilerShow

The ride never ends.

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Sun Jan 26, 2025 1:09 pm

Book 1, Chapter 23 - Boss of Me
(Or: Birdhouse in Your Soul)

I guess this is the epic BGM for the epic confrontation we have all been waiting for with abated breath.

RecapShow

The Dorkness was fucking weird, man. It's like a suave bootleg Bond villain (really it's just missing a cat to stroke) who is not the least bit concerned about Linkara because it has this unwarranted conviction that it can convert him to its cause - of what I assume to be Linkara's free will, no less.
I know Metal Gear Rising came way after this book, but the Dorkness is basically trying to be Senator Armstrong - just without the machismo, good arguments, and really any type of entertainment value.

Sure, plenty of stories have the bad guy try to recruit the good guy despite the fact the reader/audience knows this ain't gonna happen, but there's several problems with this setup here:

Linkara is a thick-headed son of a bitch who never lets people tell him. What to do.
The prophecy has yet to be proven fallible
The Dorkness doesn't really use any "dirty" tricks: There is no supernatural corruption going on. No trying to have Linkara channel his darker side to give him a taste of the power awaiting him. No promises of his deepest, darkest desires.
All he's really doing is this:

DHI Book Club Fanfic CollectionShow

"Forsake your happiness, and join our side!"

"No. Why would I do that?"

"Oh, that's what they always say. But in the end, they all see the error of their ways, thanks to our eloquence and perfectly logical arguments."

"Such as... ?"

"Happiness is the root of all evil."

"I think that root is you, actually. You make water explode."

"These little parlor tricks detract in no way from the righteousness of our cause."

"If you're so right, why do your goons keep slaughtering people? In fact why didn't you guys start a cult instead of an army?"

"We would've loved nothing more than a peaceful takeover - but alas, though we are able to convince the individual, we sadly realized that society is beyond saving. It has to burn to the ground so we can rebuild it anew, grander and more glorious than ever before!"

"What a great plan."

"We knew you would see it that way! They always do in the end."

"Actually, that was just sarcasm. You're a crazy son of a bitch, you know that?"

"Ah, it seems we just need a bit more convincing. Here is a pamphlet with ten reasons for why happiness is overrated..."

"You know the prophecy says I will kick your ass, right?"

"Oh, and I bet this prophet of yours was oh so very happy writing this little fairy tale down. Now back to you joining our side..."

Not to fellate myself, but even if I want to make fun of the guy, I end up with something more entertaining.
If I had to compare this to anything from At4W, I guess it's maybe a bit like MechaKara's first story arc? Sure, there's no missionary work form him, but he did spend most of it stroking his chin gonig "Soon my victory shall be absolute...".

Speaking of the prophecy, apparently the final piece of it comes in two versions. Not that it matters. Both ensure victory over the Dorkness. It's just that one talks about the Linkara casting Power Word Kill, while the other has him cast Suicide Bomb Self. So there's a 50% of Linkara "sacrificing" himself, which of course won't happen in the way his nakama think.

Our dear author also had the baffling idea of trying to retcon the Dork Knights into something more inhuman. Part of the reason for them being emotionally stunted is because this apparently turned the original 100 Knights into super soldiers capable of defeating a force five times their size. Even though nothing shown in the book even suggests they're anything more then regular soldiers.
Come to think of it, outside of the constant reminders that they don't smile and have black blood, they're really just regular dudes.
Even more baffling, according to the Dorkness itself it and the Knights form a hive mind, which goes against pretty much every appearance of a Dork Knight in this book - including the chapter featuring this reveal, as it has a Dork Knight contemplate about how he'd rather fight the Linkara than escort him.
This shit is like "tell, don't show" at its absolute worst.

Oh, and apparently the Dorkness has successfully implanted the unwarranted idea into Indow's head that Linkara would only friendzone here, so naturally the only logical option for here was to backstab Linkara and hope that the Dorkness will let her chain him up in her dungeon so she can love him. Her way.
Linkara only reacted with mild annoyance and a quote from Julius Ceasar, so you know everything will be forgiven and forgotten in a matter of chapters.

ChapterShow

Louis opened his eyes and knew that he had left reality. He was looking forward in an oval-shaped room, and he seemed to be sitting in a very comfortable chair that appeared to be slightly elevated more than the other chairs he could see. Before him was a single console and chair about five feet away from him, along with a view screen on the opposite wall. He turned from side to side, seeing similar consoles and chairs adorning the walls. Directly behind him were flat console panels attached to walls and two doorways. On the consoles themselves were orange, yellow, and blue displays shaped like rounded rectangles. He looked down closer and smiled, recognizing the colored displays as those of the LCARS two-dimensional control panel.

He was aboard the Bridge of the USS-Defiant from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Louis walked around for a bit, wondering how he had now arrived at this latest predicament. He suddenly heard a beeping sound coming from the console to the back and right of him. He walked over to the panel, recognizing the sound as that of the sound of being hailed by someone else. He looked around the console, not certain of which button to press. He saw one yellow display blinking repeatedly, so he reached down and pushed it. The view screen in the front switched from the black and colorless appearance to the image of the Darkness.

"Ah, Linkara! We trust that your new accommodations are... comfortable?

Louis walked back over to the chair in the center of the room, then sat down in it.

"I wouldn't mind knowing how the hell is this all happened." he stated.

"Humans are such curious creatures. Very well; this is not real." the Darkness stated.

"Well, dur-hey." Louis sighed, rolling his eyes.

"This is taking place inside of your mind. In here, there is no attempted escape from me, no allies or enemies to distract you, just your surroundings. Your mind has quite a few scenarios in which we can begin our chat."

"And what is the purpose of a chat that puts me in the Captain's chair of the Defiant?" Louis inquired.

"We are going to convince you to join my side."

"Fat chance."

The Darkness narrowed his eyes. "Perhaps we should be moving on to an area that better demonstrates my point."

And with that, the Darkness snapped his fingers. The two disappeared.

*

Louis opened his eyes once again and realized that this latest location was even more unbelievable than the previous. He stood on one side of a small coliseum, the ground beneath him elevated slightly. Before him was a large display grid colored green spanning the length of the coliseum ground. The audience stands were completely empty but colored blue. However, the one thing that truly made him identify what this place was the fact that it was all animated. It wasn't a live-action setting before him, but that of a cartoon or anime. And this particular anime was very easily recognized from the stack of cards that sat on a small display in front of him.

He was within a dueling arena of the anime Yu-Gi-Oh.

The Darkness stood on the other side of the coliseum, standing in a small area very similar to Louis', but colored red. He smiled as he looked at Louis.

"Pick up six cards, my young friend. You shall begin." he stated.

Louis drew six cards from the top of his deck and analyzed them. Despite the fact that he had not played the game in several weeks, he still remembered the bare essentials needed and all the rules and rulings that had helped him to become such a great 'duelist' to begin with. He placed two cards facedown in the spaces nearest to him, and one more face-up in the space farthest from him.

"I summon La Jinn in attack mode. Your turn."

In the area between the two, one of the green spots in the grid that was laid out lit up as the holographic image of a green genie popped up from the space and floated with his arms crossed facing the Darkness. The Darkness didn't look the least bit worried as he drew a card and examined his hand.

"From conflict comes strength, Linkara. Over the past few centuries, your world has proven that. The Civil War brought about the Ironclad ship and more accurate weaponry. It brought about the end to slavery in your world, and although we support such practices that your ancestors did, we know it is not exactly the highest on the list of things you support. World War II ended the Nazi regime, brought down Imperial Japan, and established a nation for a highly oppressed social and religious group." the Darkness explained.

"I hear a lot of talking and yet you still haven't made a move." Louis stated.

The Darkness smiled and placed one card face-up in the space farthest from him.

"We summon Mechanical Chaser in attack mode. And we shall have it attack your La Jinn!"

The creature that was summoned from the lit green square looked more like a puppet than a machine. It was several round, metallic balls strung together with wires and had odd limbs protruding from that appeared to be blades. It charged forward towards the genie that Louis possessed on his side of the field, but Louis continued to smile.

"You're right; from conflict comes strength. However, if you don't think about what your opponent might do, all you'll do is walk into a trap." Louis replied.

Louis picked up one of the cards closer to him and flipped it face-up.

"Mirror Force!" Louis called out.

The Darkness winced as it's creature tried to attack the La Jinn, but instead tore itself up. The Darkness gritted his teeth together and looked up at Louis, who was still smiling. Louis then lifted his hand into the air and snapped his fingers. The two disappeared.

*

Louis opened his eyes once again. He smiled as he realized he could control where they were going as well as the Darkness could. This time, his surroundings were a lot more natural. From a short way off, one could see a waterfall coming down off of a cliff. Birds sang and chirped as they flew through the air. The stone floor that Louis stood on was elevated above the waters over the side of his new location. He looked around, seeing chairs assembled in a circle around a stone. He also was next to an extraordinarily large building covered in moss and colored tan. Dead leaves covered the autumn-like setting.

Louis was now at the Council of Elrond from Lord of the Rings.

The Darkness appeared now in the seat of Elrond, looking down at Louis. Louis' normal attire had been changed to that of Frodo the Hobbit. He shrugged, although found it quite uncomfortable for him to be without shoes. The Darkness smiled and opened his palm to Louis, gesturing him to speak.

"Although a lot of good comes from conflict, more good comes from cooperation and peace. Lord of the Rings is a perfect example. Several different races, including Men, Elves, and Dwarves, all united for a common cause, putting aside their racial and social prejudices on the goal of banishing a great evil from Middle Earth. How many times in the history of Sin has such a thing like that occurred? When a group of different forces with different agendas united to defeat something so evil?"

"Not often. But even then, they didn't remain together for long. They had to wait until the next threat loomed over the horizon before they even considered talking to one another. And that cooperation led to a war against me." The Darkness responded.

And then the Darkness snapped his fingers, and the two disappeared.

*

Louis once more opened his eyes. Once again, everything appeared to be animated. However, these new surroundings were entirely different from the environment of the Yu-Gi-Oh dueling arena. The space looked vast and infinite, spreading out in a black color for miles and miles. A large control panel was in the center of the room, along with holographic displays that seemed to randomly appear and disappear. There was also a large group of tables containing several microscopes, tubes, and other various scientific equipment.

Louis was in the lab of Washuu from Tenchi Muyo.

"Scientific progress continues onwards because of violence. Without problems in a society, they would not be attempting to create solutions. On your world, diseases can be cured because of wars because it finally forces a land to accept its problems and try to find solutions. Now, we admit to you that that does create a lot of problems. This is primarily thanks to the fact that they're only trying to cure the diseases so they'll have healthy troops for their little wars. Emotion and independence get in the way of completing goals!" the Darkness stated.

"You're wrong. Seeing people suffer, seeing the pain that's caused by problems causes guilt and sadness. People are then inspired to work for the betterment of man; to achieve a state in which there is no prejudice, no violence, and no suffering. Emotions do not hinder progress, they advance it." Louis replied, talking to the walls around him, for the Darkness was nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe not progress, but what about lives? Individuality only makes one person feel that they are superior to one another. It makes people believe that only their own interests should be served. If you want unification, you must do it in the most total sense: a collective consciousness with equal goals and beliefs for all."

Louis growled and snapped his fingers. He disappeared.

*

Louis opened his eyes and balked at the Darkness, who stood five feet away from him. Their latest location was dark, but sufficiently lit in a majority of areas. Green lights flashed as Louis looked about the corridor that led to thousands just like it. Alcoves lined the wall, making the person within them a few inches higher thanks to a single step that one stood on while in the alcove. The backs of the alcoves had some type of plasma screen that showed electrical lights flashing and coming out from the center. Control panels on the walls worked similarly to those of the Defiant from earlier, but were of a different color and layout.

Louis was aboard a Borg cube from Star Trek.

"THIS is what you get with your way of thinking! No creativity, no individuality, no CHOICE! All they seek is to conquer all other life forms in order to achieve perfection. To quote the Borg exactly, 'Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinction to our own. Your culture shall adapt to service ours.'" Louis growled.

"That is irrelevant. Look at what your 'Borg' accomplished on that program of yours: conquest on a grand scale, and exceeded the technology of all the other creatures within it's sphere of influence." The Darkness stated.

"And of course, it captured all the people they found and assimilated them into their collective. No freedom. No self-determination." Louis responded.

The Darkness grinned, his voice suddenly sounding like that of the Borg collective: deep and with the combined voice of billions. "Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant."

Louis rolled his eyes and was about to snap his fingers, but the Darkness stopped him.

"Wait! Hear me out. You've been trying so hard in your entire journey to make everyone think that you are more tolerant of others, willing to listen to differing opinions. Listen to my views totally before you completely dismiss me out of hand." the Darkness begged.

Louis narrowed his eyes, then nodded, getting his fingers ready in case he needed to change the scenery.

"We have read your mind, Linkara. We know about the world you come from. In some countries, people are beaten simply for having different religious views. Some countries feel so strongly about their religion that they believe it is necessary to follow it to the letter. Racism exists for people simply because their skin color is darker or lighter. Men beat women, and people wage wars for land that is but a few yards long." the Darkness said.

The Darkness then snapped its fingers. The two disappeared.

*

Louis opened his eyes. Before he could take in his new surroundings, which he had already identified as the primary apartment of Monica and Chandler from the NBC sitcom Friends, the Darkness began to speak once again.

"This place is a perfect example of such a matter. The six people involved in this comedy don't ever seem to be affected by the horrible events of the outside world. They live their lives day to day without ever worrying about the horrors occurring not only outside of their country but within it, as well! They have only amusing situations, creating an unrealistic portrayal of life."

Louis said nothing as he just stared at the Darkness, examining his words.

"The world is consumed by shadows and darkness. We have never attempted to be the evil things that take it, yet the people of Sin have automatically assumed that we are an evil being simply because we have a different view." the Darkness explained.

Louis sat down in one of the couches, continuing to take in the Darkness' speech.

"The world will never change, Louis. Sin has had a thousand years to change and find it's own path. Your world has had well over two thousand! What has your world accomplished in that amount of time? Hundreds of wars, both nameless and legendary, diseases that have yet to be cured, and corruption. History, as one of your 'animes' has said, is an endless waltz. Perhaps it is time for a radical approach to the matter. The people of both of our worlds rarely change because they do not wish to. It is time to take a different path than the ones that the societies of our worlds have done! My way can be that way, Louis!" the Darkness spoke.

The Darkness snapped his fingers, and the two disappeared one last time.

*

Louis opened his eyes and almost shivered a little as he realized where he was. He was in a cabin that was located in a dark wood, and the cabin itself wasn't exactly in the best of shape. The floorboards squeaked, a cracked clock hung upon a rotting wall, and a dilapidated fireplace sat at the bottom of another wall. Nearby was a hatch to the fruit cellar. The hatch was lightly chained to the ground, preventing any monstrous thing from exiting the cellar. The windows were boarded up, and a moose head hung upon a wall over a fireplace.

Louis was in the cabin from the Evil Dead movie trilogy.

"We can join together, Louis! We can work together to make both of our worlds better places! Join me, Linkara! Embrace the chance to create good!" the Darkness exclaimed, appearing in front of Louis.

The Darkness held out his hand to Louis. Louis looked down at the hand, then smiled. He raised his right hand towards the Darkness' hand as if to grasp and shake it, much to the joy of the Darkness. Louis looked back up at the Darkness' face, then all of a sudden winked. Louis pulled his right hand away from the Darkness' hand and lifted his left arm up. His left hand was missing, and a chainsaw had been put in its place. The chainsaw revved on it's own, and Louis brought the spinning blade down upon the Darkness' still extended hand. The Darkness' hand was lopped off immediately, falling to the ground and blood spurted from the wrist. The Darkness fell back, clutching his stump of an arm to his chest.

Louis stood over him, chuckling. "Just what kind of a fucking moron do you take me for?! You say you're not evil, but you look at all the negative aspects of society instead of the positive! Jeez, as soon as I'm done counting all the ways you're so-called 'philosophy' is stupid, I'll smack you up, biotch!"

The Darkness rolled over to the side and got up, his eyes turning black. He growled as he began to re-grow the hand that had been sliced off.

"Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?! We are Darkness!"

However, Louis merely pulled a shotgun from the holster on his back and slammed the butt of it against the Darkness' face, knocking him to the ground once again.

Louis said, "I've got news for you, Darky: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. I don't care if you're Darkness, I don't care if you have the most powerful army in the history of Sin, I don't care if you've killed thousands, and I don't care if you think you can sway me with your cheap-ass talk! Maybe you thought you were dealing with your average run-of-the-mill peasant boy on this shithole planet who might've been persuaded by your 'oh, this world sucks and I can do a much better job' bullshit, but I'm not. I come from planet earth, where we developed a little philosophy about dealing with motherfuckers like you. 'Speak softly..."

Louis revved up the chainsaw once more. "And carry a huge fucking chainsaw!'"

RiffingShow

I won't point out Linkara (the author) fucking up the Darkness' "we" shtick again. I can only come up with so many reactions for this, and I hope I made my point clear last time.

He looked down closer and smiled, recognizing the colored displays as those of the LCARS two-dimensional control panel.

Oh, you bastard. You better not bring Star Trek into this...

He was aboard the Bridge of the USS-Defiant from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Motherfucker.

Louis walked around for a bit, wondering how he had now arrived at this latest predicament.

The Darkness talked about going into our mind? Why do you need everything spelled out for you?

He looked around the console, not certain of which button to press.

Spotted the fake Trekkie.

He saw one yellow display blinking repeatedly, so he reached down and pushed it.

Press the blinking button. Genius.

"I wouldn't mind knowing how the hell is this all happened." he stated.

"Humans are such curious creatures. Very well; this is not real." the Darkness stated.

"Well, dur-hey." Louis sighed, rolling his eyes.

Dumb questions deserve dumb answers, mate.

"Your mind has quite a few scenarios in which we can begin our chat."

This whole chapter is just an excuse for Linkara (the author) to go full Ernest Cline and include all of his favorite IPs, isn't it?

"And what is the purpose of a chat that puts me in the Captain's chair of the Defiant?" Louis inquired.

"We are going to convince you to join my side."

I don't think the Defiant is a good place to resolve thinks peacefully. That's Sisko's ship, and the isn't the most peaceful fella after having to tard-wrangle Bajorans and Ferengi all day.

*

However, the one thing that truly made him identify what this place was the fact that it was all animated. It wasn't a live-action setting before him, but that of a cartoon or anime.

This just keeps getting better.

And this particular anime was very easily recognized from the stack of cards that sat on a small display in front of him.

He was within a dueling arena of the anime Yu-Gi-Oh.

LMAO. There's no fucking stack of cards in front of you in a YGO! animu duel. Everyone's wearing Duel Disks.
Is this why his YGO! fight in Contest of Champions was so lame? Dude watched at least GX. He should know that this is not now the YGO! animus roll.

Despite the fact that he had not played the game in several weeks, he still remembered the bare essentials needed and all the rules and rulings that had helped him to become such a great 'duelist' to begin with.

This is a children's card game, not The Campaign for North Africa

(Just look at the size of that fucking box.)

Also sure. You're great duelist. We only have your word for it, so it must be true.

"I summon La Jinn in attack mode. Your turn."

I almost wonder if this sequence of card events happen in the Contest of Champions fight. Almost.

"From conflict comes strength, Linkara. Over the past few centuries, your world has proven that.

Of shit. He's an Aerogater!

"The Civil War brought about the Ironclad ship and more accurate weaponry."

They already existed before the war, though they probably got better because of it, as tends to happen when some shiny new toy sees actual combat.

"It brought about the end to slavery in your world."

If by "your world" you mean "the USA", sure.

World War II ended the Nazi regime, brought down Imperial Japan, and established a nation for a highly oppressed social and religious group."

Funny how he's suddenly a bit vague on that "religious group".
This is the second time in this book our dear author goes out of his way to avoid having to write "Jews". What game are you playing here, Mr. Lovhaug?

*

Louis was now at the Council of Elrond from Lord of the Rings.

And thus, Linkara (the author) goes full Cline.

The Darkness appeared now in the seat of Elrond, looking down at Louis. Louis' normal attire had been changed to that of Frodo the Hobbit. He shrugged, although found it quite uncomfortable for him to be without shoes.

>tfw you imagine Linkara as a hobbit

"Although a lot of good comes from conflict, more good comes from cooperation and peace. Lord of the Rings is a perfect example. Several different races, including Men, Elves, and Dwarves, all united for a common cause"

That sure is cooperation, but not exactly peace.

"Not often. But even then, they didn't remain together for long. They had to wait until the next threat loomed over the horizon before they even considered talking to one another. And that cooperation led to a war against me." The Darkness responded.

Boy, it sure sucks when waging a war on everyone causes everyone to join forces.
We're never gonna see this grand alliance of Sin have an actual battle, do we?

Louis was in the lab of Washuu from Tenchi Muyo.

Being crazy for Tenchi Muyo is such a Burger thing.
At least back when the series was still relevant.

"If you want unification, you must do it in the most total sense: a collective consciousness with equal goals and beliefs for all."

So on one hand you're saying that war and conflict are great because they further (scientific) progress. But then you also want to make everyone part of your hive mind (that is not actually a hive mind). Wouldn't that fix the need for war and conflict?

*

Control panels on the walls worked similarly to those of the Defiant from earlier, but were of a different color and layout.

Louis was aboard a Borg cube from Star Trek.

Great. Thanks to the pointless trip to the Defiant you already have to recycle IPs for your duel of the minds.
Also Borgs don't use LCARS, and in fact their control panels look nothing like those of other species.

"Look at what your 'Borg' accomplished on that program of yours: conquest on a grand scale, and exceeded the technology of all the other creatures within it's sphere of influence." The Darkness stated.

He's got a point.

"And of course, it captured all the people they found and assimilated them into their collective. No freedom. No self-determination." Louis responded.

The Darkness grinned, his voice suddenly sounding like that of the Borg collective: deep and with the combined voice of billions. "Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant."

"We hate freedom - but we still leave it up to you whether or not you want to join us!"

Dude is less like the Borg, and more like the Mormons.

"Wait! Hear me out. You've been trying so hard in your entire journey to make everyone think that you are more tolerant of others, willing to listen to differing opinions."

No he fucking didn't. He spent his journey telling people that their opinions suck, and even threatened people with violence or death if they kept insisting of their inferior beliefs.

"Racism exists for people simply because their skin color is darker or lighter."

You know this book is pretty old when it got away with implying that racism can also happen to white people

.
So Earth is full of conflict. So what? That means lots of progress, baby!

*

Louis opened his eyes. Before he could take in his new surroundings, which he had already identified as the primary apartment of Monica and Chandler from the NBC sitcom Friends, the Darkness began to speak once again.

"This place is a perfect example of such a matter. The six people involved in this comedy don't ever seem to be affected by the horrible events of the outside world. They live their lives day to day without ever worrying about the horrors occurring not only outside of their country but within it, as well! They have only amusing situations, creating an unrealistic portrayal of life."

The Darkness doesn't get escapism. Must be a Current Year screenwriter.

"The world is consumed by shadows and darkness. We have never attempted to be the evil things that take it, yet the people of Sin have automatically assumed that we are an evil being simply because we have a different view." the Darkness explained.

Dude, you forced a king into giving you an army, then you used it to kill him and his people as a "test".

"The world will never change, Louis. Sin has had a thousand years to change and find it's own path. Your world has had well over two thousand!"

Why those specific number of years? You think humanity is only that old?

"What has your world accomplished in that amount of time? Hundreds of wars, both nameless and legendary, diseases that have yet to be cured, and corruption."

None of this ever happened in those other thousands of years earlier, of course.

History, as one of your 'animes' has said, is an endless waltz.

Being crazy for Gundam Wing is also such a Burger thing.

"The people of both of our worlds rarely change because they do not wish to. It is time to take a different path than the ones that the societies of our worlds have done! My way can be that way, Louis!"

Make up your mind if you want war or forced peace.

The Darkness snapped his fingers, and the two disappeared one last time

Thanks for the spoiler, dear narrator.

*

Louis was in the cabin from the Evil Dead movie trilogy.

Are you gonna cosplay as Ash again?

"We can join together, Louis! We can work together to make both of our worlds better places! Join me, Linkara! Embrace the chance to create good!" the Darkness exclaimed, appearing in front of Louis.

What's your obsession with Linkara of all people, anyways?
Dude hasn't explained shit so far, so I guess we are to assume it's because he's the main character.

Louis pulled his right hand away from the Darkness' hand and lifted his left arm up. His left hand was missing, and a chainsaw had been put in its place.

I knew it. Why is Ash your go-to super form for every mind battle?

"Jeez, as soon as I'm done counting all the ways you're so-called 'philosophy' is stupid, I'll smack you up, biotch!"

For the love of God, please skip the counting.

"Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?! We are Darkness!"

However, Louis merely pulled a shotgun from the holster on his back and slammed the butt of it against the Darkness' face, knocking him to the ground once again.

Just shoot him, mate.

"I've got news for you, Darky: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME."

Of course he's not. He's still trying to recruit you.

"Maybe you thought you were dealing with your average run-of-the-mill peasant boy on this shithole planet who might've been persuaded by your 'oh, this world sucks and I can do a much better job' bullshit, but I'm not.

I guess that's one way to point out that the Darkness is retarded, but why do you keep calling Sin a "shithole planet"?

"I come from planet earth, where we developed a little philosophy about dealing with motherfuckers like you. 'Speak softly..."

Louis revved up the chainsaw once more. "And carry a huge fucking chainsaw!'"

Next Time: Rounds 2. Fight!

Post by **VoiceOfReasonPast** » Sun Jan 26, 2025 8:59 pm

Book 1, Chapter 24 - Last Word
(Or: Also Last Chapter if you don't count the Epilogue)

Now the real battle finally starts.
Hopefully. And even if it does our dear author will probably find a way to make it gay and lame, as he is wont to do.

RecapShow

So the Dorkness was trying to give its sales pitch to Linkara in his mind, with both of them switching the scene to various IPs Linkara finds cool to accentuate their respective point (at least in theory; it was pretty random overall).
Interestingly, the Dorkness generally used historical examples like WW2 to make its point, while Linkara used LotR as an example of cooperation or something.
Except for that time both argued on whether or not the Borg are good or evil.
Or that other time the Dorkness complained about Friends being too escapist.

The plot also kinda fell apart when it came to the Dorkness' ever-confusing motivation. Linkara (the author) basically just threw a bunch of "cool" villain motivation he could think of into a blender, which just resulted in the Dorkness rambling incoherently about progress and cooperation and shit.

Happiness is bad, because it makes you jealous or something.
Also it creates conflict, which is bad.
Except conflict is actually good, because it results in progress.
But progress could be better if the people had no emotions (all emotions are bad now, apparently).
And if would be even better if everyone was part of a hive mind (which we have yet to see in practice despite the Dorkness swearing it's already a thing).
Also free will and self-determination are an illness and need to be purged (except when it's about joining the Fantasy Borg Collective. That choice you apparently have to make of your own free will and self-determination).

Eventually Linkara has enough of this battle of the minds going nowhere and decides to have an actual battle.
Using Ash William's trusty chainsaw hand and shotgun, of course, just like back when he fought Raven's evil side. Apparently it's his optimal mind battle form. Or he is a creepy Bruce Campbell skinwalker.

ChapterShow

The Darkness stumbled backwards, clutching his own head in pain and screaming from the pain he was feeling. Louis' eyes shot open for real, finally being set free from the mental trip he had just taken with the Darkness. Instead of just smiling and allowing himself to continue to be captured, Louis pushed his elbows back, slamming them against the chair. Normally, such a maneuver wouldn't do any real damage to the chair. However, thanks to Louis' enhanced strength and the fact that the chair was over 300 years old, the back of the chair snapped off and fell to the ground. Louis slid his arms, along with the ropes that held him to the arms of the chair, out the now open back way. His arms now free, Louis tossed the ropes that were still around them off of his arms.

The two Dark Knights that had led Louis into the dining chamber after Indow had stabbed him ran at Louis to try to restrain him again. Unfortunately for them, Louis moved faster than they could ever hope to achieve and leapt into the air. He came down at the first Dark Knight with a howl, slamming his blades through its head. The other Dark Knight tried to storm Louis with his sword lowered a little so he could block any attacks from the now-crouching Louis. However, Louis jumped into the air once again and landed on the second Dark Knight's head, his metal boot kicking the back of the poor guy's head to the ground face first.

The Darkness groaned and slowly got up, seeing that Louis had broken free of his restraints. He panted wildly as his eyebrow twitched, his level of rage increasing rapidly. Louis got up off of the second Dark Knight and cracked his knuckles with a smile. He faced the Darkness for a moment, staring into his eyes.

Louis nodded his head once and proclaimed, "Let's go!"

The Darkness grinned widely. No, the grin was getting even wider. His entire jaw line was stretching back and around his head! All of a sudden, the head of the Darkness split open. from top to bottom. Black ooze began pouring out of the destroyed face and falling to the feet of the Darkness in great quantities. Other parts of his body began to crack and explode outwards, a mass of black jelly flowing from his insides. And as the human body of the Darkness continued to disintegrate, the black ooze began to grow. It was expanding in all directions, much to the dismay of Louis. Since it didn't seem to be stopping in it's growth, Louis decided that escape might be the best option in this situation.

Unfortunately, the Darkness thought differently.

A black tentacle suddenly whipped out from the Darkness and wrapped around Louis' arm. It pulled him into the air, much to his surprise. He winced as he was shaken around, unable to break free of the Darkness' grasp. Another tendril sped up to Louis and sliced into his arm. He yelped in pain as a clean cut was left in his skin. Drops of blood fell from the wound and down into the Darkness. The area that the blood had hit shimmered for a moment, like throwing a rock into a puddle.

"Your blood is strong, Linkara! We look forward to feasting upon it all!" the Darkness rumbled.

Louis winced and once more tried to swing his blades to break free. However, the thing that saved him was actually a small fireball that was launched from the ground and hit the tentacle that held him up. The tentacle was broken in half, and the part holding onto Louis disintegrated when it was separated from the whole. Louis fell to the ground and managed to land half-gracefully, seeing Indow running up to him and helping him up.

"Come, my lord, we must flee! PROTECTION!" she shouted.

Indow brought up here hand, and the Protection field came up instantly, blocking the Darkness from attacking them. Indow and Louis ran out of the dining chamber, leaving a very disgruntled Darkness.

*

"My lord, I know that this is small comfort, but I would like to apologize for-"

"Save it, Indow! Let's just get one thing straight: I love you. When this is all over with, I am going to kiss you. However, at the moment, we have a very evil dark mass of evil on our way with evil tentacles and an evil voice and oh, did I mention EVIL?!" Louis interrupted.

"And again, my lord, I'm sorry that I betrayed you!" Indow exclaimed.

"Apology accepted, now let's get the hell out of here!" Louis shouted.

The two were storming out of the castle with immediate haste. Every few seconds there was a rumbling and shaking within the castle. This was being caused by the Darkness' exponential growth as it began to fill up more and more space in the building and crushing any walls or ceilings in its way. Fortunately, though, Louis and Indow had finally managed to make their way to the main entrance. To their happiness, three figures were fighting a few Dark Knights that were guarding the entrance. It didn't take them long to identify them as Lithmenar, White Raven, and Garik. As soon as White Raven had vanquished the final Dark Knight, the three ran through the doorway to see Louis and Indow running at them.

Lithmenar shouted, "Kid! It's great to see you in one-"

"YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!" Louis interrupted, running past them.

The three stood bewildered for a moment before the castle shook and dust fell in heavy amounts on their heads. They didn't have to have a second thought before they ran back out the way they came, following behind Louis and Indow. Louis turned his head briefly to see the three.

"What are you guys doing here, anyway?!" he yelled.

"Coming to your rescue, my lord, as you requested of us should something go wrong!" Garik replied.

"How could you tell when something went wrong?" Louis inquired.

"We did not, my lord. We just assumed that something invariably would go wrong and that it was necessary to come to your aid." White Raven explained.

"Oh, your confidence in me is heartbreaking!" Louis said sarcastically.

"My lord, look!" Indow shouted, pointing at the castle.

The group had managed to get a good distance away from the castle by this point. And that was considerably good for them considering that the castle was caving in on itself. Black tentacles whipped out into the sky as black ooze seeped out of windows and crushed walls. The great castle of Soyah fell as it's once proud walls dropped forward and were ground into dust by the Darkness. As the Darkness finally stopped growing, amounting to the size of the castle that had once stood in its place, the group began to notice that things were getting considerably darker. They looked up, seeing dark clouds fill the sky and turn it darker than the gray mist it had once been. Night had fallen sooner than it had meant to.

"'And when the darkest time comes...'" Louis whispered.

"My lord?" Indow asked.

"Your father brought along the last passage from the Linkaran scroll. It would appear that everything's coming to pass." Louis explained.

"My lord, how can we ever hope to fight such a beast?!" Garik shouted.

"You guys aren't going to be able to do jack diddly. I, on the other hand, have a prophecy to fulfill!" Louis replied.

And with that, Louis turned around and began to run towards the Darkness, roaring. All of a sudden, the back of his armor began to glow brightly as objects emerged from it. They were large wings covered by metallic feathers, yet to Louis they felt so light that he could carry them from one side of the earth to the other and not stop once to catch a breath. The wings flapped once, and Louis was immediately lifted off of the ground and into the air. The wings caught the updraft of the air and glided up with Louis, who smiled happily as he flew towards the mass of black matter.

Back upon the ground, the other four stared at Louis as he glided and flew through the air.

"Could this truly be the end of our journey? The final battle that was prophesized so long ago?" Indow asked.

"Yes, my daughter, it is! Today is the day that shall forever be remembered with joy: the day the Linkara fought the Darkness and vanquished it once and for all!" Garik replied exuberantly.

"'Tis exciting!" Indow laughed.

"Yeah, but in case you two haven't noticed, we are but spectators in this combat. I would not mind some glory being handed to us for all our hardships." Lithmenar stated.

"There is nothing we can do. This is the Linkara's fight now." White Raven stated.

"Maybe not!" Indow exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

"What do you mean?" Garik queried.

"Lokmanwo." Indow spoke.

"And that means...?" Lithmenar inquired.

"Lokmanwo is an ancient and powerful magic technique. It is possibly one of the oldest magicks we have, and one of the most difficult spells to perform." Indow explained.

"How do you do it?" White Raven asked.

"Come, join hands and stand in a line. I shall be in the center." Indow replied.

The others nodded and got into a line. Indow stood in the center and took in a deep breath. She held out her hands to the two next to her. The group held hands in a line as Indow bowed her head down.

"Lana kobo so kabalaboshan. Tesk kobo so kabalaboshan. Kobo hest bogo Indow. Kobo hest bogo Lithmenar. Kobo hest bogo White Raven. Kobo hest bogo Garik." She whispered to the ground.

All of a sudden, she lifted her head upwards, her eyes now glowing and not recognizable. Beads of sweat ran down her face.

"Lana kobo so kabalaboshan! Kos-Ta Linkara! Anges oprisian je quoretet je unefra! LANA KOBO SO KABALABOSHAN!" she shouted.

All of a sudden, the entire group began to glow a bright white, much to their surprise. At first, they came close to letting go of each other, but Indow kept her hands latched to them to keep them from moving.

"LOKMANWO!" she screamed.

A beam of energy was sent out from each member of the group. They all winced slightly, feeling themselves suddenly become light-headed and tired. Each of the beams hit Louis' back, although the only thing he could feel was his strength and stamina increasing. All of a sudden, Louis' body began to glow, as well. The rest of the group stopped glowing and the beams dissipated, but the light that Louis was shining was enough to illuminate the entire city from the dark clouds hanging over them. Louis flapped his wings one final time as he hovered in front of the Darkness. The four fell back onto the ground, feeling exhausted and lacking a lot of energy.

"What... What did you do?!" Garik asked.

“Transference, father... Our spirits and energy have joined the Linkara in his battle. May the heavens protect him for what he must do now..." Indow replied.

"Darkness, hear me!" Louis shouted.

"It would appear that the Linkara has come to see us. Tell me, boy, does your pathetic world have a better chance at stopping us than you?"

"Probably."

The Darkness chuckled.

"Still, you shouldn't be so confident with yourself just yet."

"And why is that?!"

"Because you have a weakness that is known to me. A word that the Linkara shall utter that will defeat you, as the prophecies said."

"And what sort of word would that be, little man?!"

"I."

All of a sudden, the Darkness lurched and seemed to jiggle in fear and despair. Louis smiled, grinning at the creature.

"It took me a little time to understand, but there was a deeper meaning behind your switching of personal pronouns. You can't bear the idea of individuality. And what word and letter pretty much sums up individuality? I!" Louis explained.

The Darkness once more lurched and shifted uncomfortably on the ground, making the area rumble and shake with it.

"It's funny in a way, oh 'great' Darkness! When referencing the country 'Ai,' you don't even quiver, but when spoken as I..."

The Darkness wavered and twisted around its liquid-like body, groaning in pain from hearing the simple word.

"It's the most painful thing you've ever experienced, isn't it? It’s even more gut wrenching than the electrical pulses I sent through your brain. You've been preaching suppression of free will and emotion for so long that the very idea of individuality and freedom is painful to you! It's time you met who you were up against, Darkness! I am Louis Williamson: Prophesized destroyer of evil, Champion of Ai, hardcore Star Trek fan, Christian, and keeper of the legacy of Rain Vendre! I call upon you to leave Sin and return to the dark hole from which you spawned!" Louis shouted.

"NEVER!"

And with that, the Darkness leapt forward, almost trying to flatten Louis. Louis responded in kind, flying straight at the Darkness and roaring as his entire body still glowed with blazing white energy. The armor surrounding his body began to arc with electricity as the human fireball that Louis had become collided into the Darkness and penetrated it. The Darkness was actually pushed backwards, screaming in pain and anguish as it tumbled across the landscape, causing vibrations in the ground that shattered buildings all around and kept the four still alive on the dirt from staying still. Without warning, the Darkness let out one final high-pitched squeal as it's dark form began to shrink and change color from black to gray. As it continued shrinking, it's color brightened more and more until it was the size of a pebble and was pure white.

What remained of the 'Darkness' fell back onto the ground, smoldering and smoking with heat. Indow and the others slowly got up, feeling all their limbs and bones ache and quiver. They looked all around, wondering if they had just won the battle. They looked up into the sky, seeing that the black clouds that had taken hold over the city were fading away. Instead of the gray clouds returning like they had been before the Darkness' true appearance had been revealed, sunlight pierced the black clouds and fell onto a city that had not known it for three centuries.

"Where's the kid?" Lithmenar asked, clutching his sides in pain.

"It appears the second prophecy was the correct one." White Raven stated, cracking her knuckles.

"Second prophecy?" Indow asked, turning to face the others.

"The original Linkaran man did not know the final outcome of the battle. Although he knew that the Linkara would be victorious, he knew not if the Linkara would survive it or not. Since he is nowhere to be found, we must assume that the second prophecy, which foretold of his death in battle, was the correct one. I'm sorry, my daughter." Garik explained.

Indow thought about this new information for a moment, then smiled and looked up at the sun.

"It matters not, father. I did love the Linkara... Louis... But, he did more than just capture our hearts. He showed us that hope and faith still exist in this world, even when the Darkness has taken everything. He rescued me twice from harm, and he was my friend. He never stopped believing in us and this world, and he never gave up when things got difficult. He protected those who he called his friends, and even helped us understand a little more about this world than we ever thought possible."

Garik approached Indow and put his hand on her shoulder. "We shall build a statue here in memory of the Linkara. It shall be a hundred feet tall and made of the most indestructible stone possible!"

"And we shall never forget the kid." Lithmenar said, smiling.

"We shall always remember the one who dressed in patterns most mysterious and wielded the Chat-Najil. And the answer to what Chat-Najil is simple. It was light. His light shall forever remain in us until the end of time." White Raven stated, also smiling.

Indow looked up at the sun once again.

It was going to be a beautiful day.

RiffingShow

The Darkness stumbled backwards, clutching his own head in pain and screaming from the pain he was feeling.

This painful repetition is quite painful.

Instead of just smiling and allowing himself to continue to be captured, Louis pushed his elbows back, slamming them against the chair.

Shit, he did not smile. He must be evil now.

The other Dark Knight tried to storm Louis with his sword lowered a little so he could block any attacks from the now-crouching Louis.

He must've heard of the dreaded Grotch Kick.

The Darkness grinned widely. No, the grin was getting even wider. His entire jaw line was stretching back and around his head! All of a sudden, the head of the Darkness split open. from top to bottom.

That can't be good.

Other parts of his body began to crack and explode outwards, a mass of black jelly flowing from his insides. And as the human body of the Darkness continued to disintegrate, the black ooze began to grow.

Since it didn't seem to be stopping in it's growth, Louis decided that escape might be the best option in this situation.

Unfortunately, the Darkness thought differently.

A black tentacle suddenly whipped out from the Darkness and wrapped around Louis' arm.

I like where this is going.

Louis winced and once more tried to swing his blades to break free. However, the thing that saved him was actually a small fireball that was launched from the ground and hit the tentacle that held him up.

Indow saves the day as always.
Didn't she turn evil?

*

"And again, my lord, I'm sorry that I betrayed you!" Indow exclaimed.

"Apology accepted, now let's get the hell out of here!" Louis shouted.

Good to know that this random plot point is dropped just as suddenly as it came up.

Lithmenar shouted, "Kid! It's great to see you in one-"

"YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!" Louis interrupted, running past them.

It took him the entire book, but this is almost chuckle-worthy.

"What are you guys doing here, anyway?!" he yelled.

"Coming to your rescue, my lord, as you requested of us should something go wrong!" Garik replied.

"How could you tell when something went wrong?" Louis inquired.

Things always go wrong when you're full of yourself, which is pretty much all the time.

"We did not, my lord. We just assumed that something invariably would go wrong and that it was necessary to come to your aid." White Raven explained.

"Oh, your confidence in me is heartbreaking!" Louis said sarcastically.

You're literally saying this to one of the various Deus Ex Machinas that had to save your ass.

As the Darkness finally stopped growing, amounting to the size of the castle that had once stood in its place, the group began to notice that things were getting considerably darker.

A kaiju-sized black blob of evil and darkness? What is this? Pretty Cure All Stars?

"My lord, how can we ever hope to fight such a beast?!" Garik shouted.

"You guys aren't going to be able to do jack diddly. I, on the other hand, have a prophecy to fulfill!" Louis replied.

"Fuck teamwork. This is a job for the real protagonist here!"

And with that, Louis turned around and began to run towards the Darkness, roaring.

Ferocious.

All of a sudden, the back of his armor began to glow brightly as objects emerged from it. They were large wings covered by metallic feathers, yet to Louis they felt so light that he could carry them from one side of the earth to the other and not stop once to catch a breath.

Ah, now he has reached his Lightbringer crossover form.
Sounds a lot like the Sagittarius Cloth.

I can't believe he has never heard of Saint SeiyaShow

"Could this truly be the end of our journey? The final battle that was prophesized so long ago?" Indow asked.

Well, if my memory serves correctly, you still have to complain about the magic system of Sailor Moon, so I'd say "no".
Also there's still the mystery of Lithmenar's probably noble origin. Unless our dear author has forgotten about that sub plot.

"Yeah, but in case you two haven't noticed, we are but spectators in this combat. I would not mind some glory being handed to us for all our hardships." Lithmenar stated.

You can always just make shit up when trying to woo fair maidens with your heroic exploits.

"There is nothing we can do. This is the Linkara's fight now." White Raven stated.

Worst. Nakamas. Ever.

"Maybe not!" Indow exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

"What do you mean?" Garik queried.

"Lokmanwo." Indow spoke.

Gesundheit.

"Lokmanwo is an ancient and powerful magic technique. It is possibly one of the oldest magicks we have, and one of the most difficult spells to perform." Indow explained.

"How do you do it?" White Raven asked.

How about asking WTF this spell even does?

"Lana kobo so kabalaboshan. Tesk kobo so kabalaboshan. Kobo hest bogo Indow. Kobo hest bogo Lithmenar. Kobo hest bogo White Raven. Kobo hest bogo Garik." She whispered to the ground.

A cheerful kobo hest bogo to you, too.
A bit late to suddenly start introducing Gibberish magic languages, isn't it?

Anges oprisian je quoretet je unefra!

Now this Gibberish is starting to sound French.

A beam of energy was sent out from each member of the group. They all winced slightly, feeling themselves suddenly become light-headed and tired. Each of the beams hit Louis' back, although the only thing he could feel was his strength and stamina increasing.

Lol, this is like that scene in the At4W where his fellow reviewers lend him their Ki so he can power up his magic gun.

"What... What did you do?!" Garik asked.

FFS, ask what a ritual does before you participate.

"Transference, father... Our spirits and energy have joined the Linkara in his battle. May the heavens protect him for what he must do now..." Indow replied.

Sounds a bit lame for a super difficult and ancient 9th level spell, IMO.
Plus the effect is subjective enough from a narrative perspective that you can't even tell if it had any noticeable impact on the fight.

Here's how to do this shit the proper way:

"Darkness, hear me!" Louis shouted.

"It would appear that the Linkara has come to see us. Tell me, boy, does your pathetic world have a better chance at stopping us than you?"

"Probably."

What does that even mean?

"Still, you shouldn't be so confident with yourself just yet."

"And why is that?!"

"Because you have a weakness that is known to me. A word that the Linkara shall utter that will defeat you, as the prophecies said."

"And what sort of word would that be, little man?!"

"I."

All of a sudden, the Darkness lurched and seemed to jiggle in fear and despair. Louis smiled, grinning at the creature.

I wish I was joking. The fucking main bad guy is like one of the Knights Who Say "Ni".

"It took me a little time to understand, but there was a deeper meaning behind your switching of personal pronouns. You can't bear the idea of individuality. And what word and letter pretty much sums up individuality? I!" Louis explained.

Flawless deduction skills.
If you ignore the various times the author fucked up.

"It's funny in a way, oh 'great' Darkness! When referencing the country 'Ai,' you don't even quiver, but when spoken as I..."

The Darkness wavered and twisted around its liquid-like body, groaning in pain from hearing the simple word.

Is there another way to pronounce "Ai"?

You've been preaching suppression of free will and emotion for so long that the very idea of individuality and freedom is painful to you!

It's time you met who you were up against, Darkness! I am Louis Williamson: Prophesized destroyer of evil, Champion of Ai, hardcore Star Trek fan, Christian, and keeper of the legacy of Rain Vendre!

The armor surrounding his body began to arc with electricity as the human fireball that Louis had become collided into the Darkness and penetrated it. The Darkness was actually pushed backwards, screaming in pain and anguish as it tumbled across the landscape, causing vibrations in the ground that shattered buildings all around and kept the four still alive on the dirt from staying still.

It's cooler when the Cures do it.

Without warning, the Darkness let out one final high-pitched squeal as it's dark form began to shrink and change color from black to gray. As it continued shrinking, it's color brightened more and more until it was the size of a pebble and was pure white.

Indow thought about this new information for a moment, then smiled and looked up at the sun.

"Thank the Angels he is dead!"

"But, he did more than just capture our hearts."

When did he do that? Do you guys love abusive relationships?

"He showed us that hope and faith still exist in this world"

He showed you that having a thick skull will get you anywhere.

"He never stopped believing in us and this world..."

Which is why he kept screaming at you guys for being wrong, and why he kept calling Sin a shithole planet.

"... and he never gave up when things got difficult."

Because he was either dumb, or had full trust in the infallible prophecy.

"He protected those who he called his friends..."

By threatening to kill anyone who calls your slutty behavior slutty.

"... and even helped us understand a little more about this world than we ever thought possible."

Garik approached Indow and put his hand on her shoulder. "We shall build a statue here in memory of the Linkara. It shall be a hundred feet tall and made of the most indestructible stone possible!"

That's almost as tall as Christ the Fucking Redeemer.

"We shall always remember the one who dressed in patterns most mysterious and wielded the Chat-Najil. And the answer to what Chat-Najil is simple. It was light."

Or, you know, the fucking armor he wore. It was directly spelled out as being armor, it behaved exactly like the prophecy said, and the armor is never mentioned in any other context.

Indow looked up at the sun once again.

It was going to be a beautiful day.

Just make sure to not let it get away.

Next Time: No doubt it will turn out that Linkara has survive, but how cringe will it be?

Dead Horse Interchange

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