The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[Complicity]

It's basically a mind battle

This is also a good summary of Cockslut's entire "career".

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

"No set schedule! No set schedule!"

I can see where you're coming from.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 4, Chapter 17 - Wonderful
(Or: La Bêtise de Linkara)



It's the last chapter !

(Okay, there's an epilogue, but that's just gonna be sequel hook bullshit for a sequel that never happened.)

"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 13
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 21
And always remember: The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

Linkara wins because the bad guy decides to an hero.
But let's start it from the top, shall we?

Though first up both sides of this ultimate shodown are kinda retarded:

• Apparently the only reason Varek cast this very obvious eclipse spell was because the Dorkness doesn't like sunlight. Could've picked the subway or a fucking mall, but no. Eclipse spell it is.
• The good guys' plan on the other hand involves:
  • Linkara distracting Varek with words and logic.
  • Raven snatching the Ultimate Book of Ultimate Evil from Varek while he's distracted. Which would've failed if he had just held it in his hand. Which he had no reason to not do.
  • Indow then starting her little power-up ritual (instead of long before they arrived at the scene).
    • For some reason she decides to cast this spell on which the entire plan hinges without bodyguards, cover, or that shield spell she usually always casts before attempting anything fancier than a fireball.
  • Of course all of this hinges on Varek not deciding to kill a very much defenseless Linkara.

Basically everyone's a fucking idiot, but the good guys win because Varek is ultimately ever so slightly dumber.

His Varek's Last Stand at least treated with the dignity it deserves? Well...

One one hand he pretty much mops the floor with most of the opposition. Those FBI agents are fucking useless (just as expected), and even Indow sucks balls in this fight.

On the other hand...

• The chapter starts with him getting triggered by Thesia, because although he has tied her up he is apparently unaware of the concept of gagging someone to shut them up.
  • I can't confirm it, but I feel like he stole this setup for MechaKara once. Certainly feels like something that could happen in an epic At4W storyline.
• He gets into a retarded argument with Linkara about whether or not happy endings are realistic. Dude really loves getting distracted from his little ritual.
• Then of course there's the book snatching. Did he just leave that thing on the ground or something?
  • Plus the snatching happens through an arrow with a rope tied to it.
• He gets flexed on by Linkara's muggle friends who have turned into fucking superheroes thanks to a convenient spell in the book that gave them gay powers vaguely based on their autistic hobbies.
  • This might be better explained in this chapter, but it seems it's effectively some kind of Wish spell that can give you whatver capeshit power set you can conjure in your mind.
  • This is pretty much another case of "Why didn't the Dorkness use this to win the war?"
  • I also feel that "You can have any power you can imagine!" goes just slightly against this book's "Magic has rules, okay?!" attitude.
  • Worst of all is that this wrecks this series' magic system for nothing, since Varek quickly adapts ot this bullshit (because only Linkara is allowed to defeat him).

Now the actually important part of the fight happens when Linkara drags his battered and mangled carcass around and just happens to stumble upon his upgraded gauntlet. I guess the old man used his precognition to find just the right spot to dump the gauntlet. What a swell guy.
Now Linkara is more overpowered than ever before. Oh, and his arm grows back because of course that was gonna happen sooner or later. Make this another strike against "Magic has rules, okay?!"

We get a big, dumb Superman fight all across the state - which is pretty much filler because they just trade blows without results, never interact with the locales they're zooming past, and just end up back where they started anyways.
Eventually Varek decides he actually does want to kill Linkara (instead of just making him sad, or whatever the fuck he tried to accomplish), so he lures him into a building and collapses it in some kind of mutually assured destruction.
Except I'm pretty sure Linkara's armor could've tanked this before the upgrade, so Varek just ends up mortally wounding himself - which is very convenient for Linkara, who is still on his Pacifist Run and would've probably flown him to a hospital himself if Varek didn't insist on dying.
Dude dies like an idiot - but not before advertizing the Lightbringer webcomic and a hypothetical 5th Angel Armor book that (thankfully) never happened.

Oh, and Checkov's Duffle Bag of Guns, which the book was very insistent on reminding us about any chance it got? The guns ultimately only serve to mildly inconvenience Varek once. Good job.
Thesia also ends up getting disintegrated, but Raven appears to be the only one who noticed and/or gives a shit about it, so it's probably not a big deal.

ChapterShow

“Are you sure you want to do this alone?”

“Positive. I need to prove to myself that I can do this without you guys. It shouldn’t take more than two days. When I get back, we’ll take a day to get prepared and head back to Sin.”

With Varek’s death, the dark spells he had cast had lost their power and vanished. The sky over St. Paul was clear once again. Fortunately, there had been no casualties among the FBI during their fight with Varek. White Raven had hoped that one spell that would be undone would’ve been whatever forces Varek had used to vaporize Thesia, but no one had seen her since the fight. The group assumed the worst and held a funeral for her, purchasing a tombstone for her and planting it in a local cemetery.

After Varek had informed them of the whereabouts of the Darkbringer and Myrrha, the group came up with a plan for how to proceed. Louis wanted to go to Pharos City alone and deal with the Darkbringer there, much to the objection of the others. Louis explained that he needed to sort out his life a little after everything that had happened with Varek, especially since he had his arm restored. He wanted to try to face the Darkbringer himself without worrying about the others, but promised that if he got in over his head, he’d call on them for assistance. Indow gave Louis a pair of shackles made of magic-suppressing metals, hopefully strong enough even to contain the powerful spells of the Black Oracle.

“All right, but don’t hesitate to call whenever you can. We’ve put some money onto your check card, but don’t spend it all in one place.” John said, hugging his son.

Louis hugged him back, proceeding to embrace his mother and then his brother as he slowly made his way towards the door. Lithmenar leaned against one of the kitchen walls as Louis approached him, holding out his hand. Lithmenar took it and Louis winced, shaking Lithmenar’s hand as he looked up to his companion.

“Lithie, I need to apologize about what I said about you...”

“I’m listening.” Lithmenar said, his expression blank.

“I called you greedy and a coward... But those words were spoken out of turn and they certainly don’t apply to you.” He stated.

ithmenar raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Lithmenar, you are one of the bravest, most noble and caring individuals I’ve ever known.” Louis spoke.

Lithmenar smiled. “That is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me. And it’s completely true.”

Louis chuckled and moved in, giving Lithmenar a tight hug, much to his surprise. Lithmenar returned the hug, patting Louis on the back as he made his way down to the rest of his companions, holding them for a moment and saying his goodbyes. As Louis stepped out onto his front sidewalk, he was greeted by his other friends. Louis smiled and walked towards them, waving to greet them.

“So you guys still have the magic imbuement?” he asked.

Mandy nodded. “White Raven says it’s supposed to wear off after an hour from the casting, but we’ve still all got the powers. She and Indow believe it’s due to the different natures of Earth and Sin.”

“And even if it does wear off at some point, I’ve gotten the Bureau to take charge on the Black Oracle, so we can always just do the spell again. We’ll take care of it and make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.” Alice stated.

“So I presume you’re all going to be superheroes, then?” Louis questioned with a smirk.

“Of course! There’s nothing wrong with having ‘talents’ above other people, and I for one think it’s going to be a heck of a ride while it lasts. Gum?” Ted said, offering a stick of gum to Louis.

Louis gladly took the gum and popped it in his mouth. “Just make sure your costumes don’t suck.”

Louis started walking away, his armor flowing around him in preparation for his flight. Trevor stepped up and called out to him:

“Hey, Louis!”

Louis turned around to face him.

“You were right about the world, you know. There’s a lot of pain and suffering in it, but we’re going to make it right. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, it’s just something I feel.” Trevor explained.

“Oh, I can tell you what it is.” Louis said, crossing his arms.

“It’s being able to communicate with someone halfway across the planet. It’s all the simple and complicated things that people experience and talk about all the time. It’s being able to find originality in the world when everyone says that all ideas have been done. It’s the elation that comes when we hold someone we love, when we know that everything is going to turn out right in spite of everything that says it’s going to be wrong. It’s what I feel every time I spread my wings and climb up into the sky.”

“Oh? What’s the world, then, Louis? What’s the feeling?” Alice asked.

Louis jumped up, his wings flapping as he soared up, calling down his answer to the others:

“Wonderful!”

*

Louis knocked on the antique shop’s door, hoping Thomas would be around for him to say goodbye to. The door opened and Thomas stood inside, grinning as he saw Louis not only wearing the new gauntlet, but also having a restored left arm. He let Louis inside and lead [sic] him into the back where his attached home was, letting him sit on the couch he had been on a few days earlier as he readied drinks in the kitchen. Louis set his bags down next to the couch.

“I see the armor worked better than even I anticipated.” He stated with a smile.

Louis nodded. “I’m inclined to believe this thing really was imbued by angels. I also don’t feel nearly as disoriented as I was when I first came back to Earth.”

Thomas laughed from within the kitchen. “Good! The upgrade finally did it! I knew I’d finally nailed it down.”

Louis grinned as Thomas walked in from the other room, carrying a tray with hot chocolate and tea on it. He set the tray down on the coffee table and sat in his chair, crossing his legs as he picked up his tea.

“So, you’re going off to Pharos City alone?” Thomas queried.

Louis rolled his eyes and picked up his hot chocolate. “Okay, that’s just creepy. Do you watch me when I’m taking a shower, too?”

Thomas smirked. “Foresight into the future, remember? I get the cliff notes version of it, of course, not every single detail of your life. Still, there’s very little that surprises me out of it. You’ve done just as well as I thought you would.”

Louis sipped his hot chocolate for a moment before he set it down back on the tray. “So, how’s Warwickshire?”

Thomas blinked, his body shuddering for a moment. He put down his tea and sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He looked over to Louis, who grinned like the Cheshire cat from how he saw that he had guessed correctly.

“Haven’t been there in ages. How’d you figure it out?” Thomas asked out of curiosity.

“Mostly just a hunch. Really my only exposure to King Arthur before this thing was the Monty Python movie. But if you enter in enough of the things you told me about into enough search engines, a clear enough picture was forged. So, the King you were talking about, the guy who believed in might for right, was King Arthur?”

Thomas nodded.

“Was he someone you made up or did you really know a King Arthur, oh great Thomas Mallory?” Louis asked.

“My name is simply Thomas these days, Louis. I have not used that last name in over 500 years nor do I intend to take it up again. And oh, yes, there was a real King Arthur. And he was glorious and righteous beyond any that I ever dared believe. And as I said, through no fault of his own, he was killed by someone he loved. On the eve before he set off to fight his own son, I met him for the first and only time and told him of all the stories I’d heard of him and his table. Might for right, right for right... I loved his ideals and I’d sooner cut my own throat than let those visions of peace and happiness for the world be lost to time. Many believe that his ideal society was still-born from the start, but I have always trusted in him. Through unlucky circumstances and poor decisions, Camelot fell and Arthur now rests until England’s darkest hour. But that one time I met him... he told me to keep his vision alive and that is why I took up the blacksmith’s hammer to forge that armor. I have sought out the right person for this job and while there have been many who did not live up to task, I know now that you can be the one for it... if you want it.”

Louis leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. “I’ve been giving that a lot of thought, Thomas. I’m not a God, despite what the Linkarans on Sin believe. Part of the problem is the religion you set about for them that has made them see me as their messiah. It’s another cliché that I’ve had to endure on this journey – the modern, imperfect boy becoming the savior of millions of people. The cliché demands I seek out the simple life, not try to be a leader, and try to be a humble, soft-spoken individual. After all, ‘The real hero is a hero by mistake. He dreams of being an honest coward like everyone else.’”

Louis opened his eyes again and smiled, standing up and crossing his arms. “But I’m not the cliché. I’m a kid and a smart one at that. I don’t care if I sound like I’m bragging or that I’m being ill-modest, it’s still true. I’m confident again, but cautiously now when it comes to certain matters. The Linkarans on Sin want me to be a leader, to show them the best way of life... well, fine then. After I finish hunting the Darkbringer, I’m going to go back to Sin. I’m going to show them all what Might for Right is. We’re going to rebuild Camelot and it’s going to be ten times better than the original. We’ll have a round table, with all of the best knights on the planet gathering together to do the noblest deeds. You were right about Arthur making mistakes, so I’m going to try to avoid the ones he made. I’ll make my own, but I won’t let them destroy what I’m going to build. What do you think of that, Thomas?”

Thomas stood up and smiled, offering his hand. Louis proudly took it and shook.

“When you have New Camelot built, give me a ring and I’ll gladly move there to help you in any way I can.” Thomas said.

“You’ll be the first one I call. Now, before we part companies, there’s something else I need you to do. I need you to knight me.” Louis said.

Thomas was taken aback. “Knight you?! I’m not a King, you know! I was a peasant boy when I met Arthur...”

“Did he knight you, though?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“I may not know much about the hierarchy or chain-of-command for medieval royalty, but considering you are technically the last surviving knight of the round table, I think that gives you the authority to do what has to be done. I can’t spread the word of knightly goodness if I’m not one, myself.”

Thomas thought for a second and then sighed. He smiled and walked into the kitchen, reaching behind his refrigerator and pulled out a simple, dusty sword. He took a rag and gently cleaned off the dust as he walked back into the living room, commanding Louis to kneel and bow his head. Louis did as Thomas told him as Thomas held his sword up in front of him.

“Please forgive me if I’m not doing this quite right. There’s actually usually a lengthy ceremony to this, but I think we can bend the rules a bit. I, Thomas, in the absence of his majesty King Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, have brought you here so that the honor and title of knighthood may be conferred upon you. Speak your name.”

“Louis Williamson.”

“Do you swear on the name of the King loyalty to the code of chivalry, to fight the wicked and defend the innocent?”

“I swear it.”

Thomas placed the flat side of his sword upon Louis’ right shoulder, then his left, and then back on the right again. “In the name of God and the King, I grant you the right to bear arms and the power to mete justice. Rise, sir Louis Williamson, knight of the Round Table.”

Louis stood as Thomas withdrew his sword, offering his hand once more to the creator of his armor. Thomas gladly took it and shook once again.

“Time to get to work.” Louis said, picking up his bags.

RiffingShow

“Are you sure you want to do this alone?”

“Positive. I need to prove to myself that I can do this without you guys. It shouldn’t take more than two days. When I get back, we’ll take a day to get prepared and head back to Sin.”

I think this is the explanation for why only Linkara shows up in the Lightbringer crossover.

"I wanna do it alone to sate my ego!"

What a fucking idiot.

With Varek’s death, the dark spells he had cast had lost their power and vanished. The sky over St. Paul was clear once again. Fortunately, there had been no casualties among the FBI during their fight with Varek. Plus she butchered an entire city of dwarves for no reason.

So Varek's body count is limited to some random thug. No, Thesia doesn't count because we know she becomes an Evil Time Lord.

White Raven had hoped that one spell that would be undone would’ve been whatever forces Varek had used to vaporize Thesia, but no one had seen her since the fight.

How's that supposed to work? She got vaporized. Plus Disintegrate clearly has a duration of "Instantaneous". Nothing you can do.

The group assumed the worst and held a funeral for her, purchasing a tombstone for her and planting it in a local cemetery.

Engraved on its surface were the words, “Thesia – Conqueror and Hero.”

She's a mass-murdering psychopath who likely only helped you because she hates Varek.

After Varek had informed them of the whereabouts of the Darkbringer and Myrrha, the group came up with a plan for how to proceed.

I just realized they would be fucked beyond belief if Varek just kept his mouth shut. Even in death, he has to own himself.

Louis wanted to go to Pharos City alone and deal with the Darkbringer there, much to the objection of the others.

Because Linkara (the author) can't be arsed to draw more than two new characters.

Louis explained that he needed to sort out his life a little after everything that had happened with Varek, especially since he had his arm restored.

So what? Your arm's back. What is there to sort out?

He wanted to try to face the Darkbringer himself without worrying about the others, but promised that if he got in over his head, he’d call on them for assistance.

Judging by how things looked for him the last two times he "got in over his head", I have my doubts that he'd be able to call for assistance in time.

Indow gave Louis a pair of shackles made of magic-suppressing metals, hopefully strong enough even to contain the powerful spells of the Black Oracle.

Or you could just kill the Dorkbringer. I mean, what prison's gonna hold him?

“All right, but don’t hesitate to call whenever you can. We’ve put some money onto your check card, but don’t spend it all in one place.” John said, hugging his son.

Linkara's dad spoke to him?! I'm pretty sure you can count the number of direct Linkara-to-family interactions on one hand.

Louis hugged him back, proceeding to embrace his mother and then his brother as he slowly made his way towards the door. Lithmenar leaned against one of the kitchen walls as Louis approached him, holding out his hand. Lithmenar took it and Louis winced, shaking Lithmenar’s hand as he looked up to his companion.

Does the thief have that tight a grip?

“Lithie, I need to apologize about what I said about you...”

Oh, the part were you made fun of his dead waifu. A bit late to remember that, but whatever.

“I’m listening.” Lithmenar said, his expression blank.

Sheeeat, he might actually have to apologize here

“I called you greedy and a coward... But those words were spoken out of turn and they certainly don’t apply to you.” He stated.

ithmenar raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Lithmenar, you are one of the bravest, most noble and caring individuals I’ve ever known.” Louis spoke.

Lithmenar smiled. “That is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me. And it’s completely true.”

He did not have to apologize for making fun of his dead waifu.

Louis chuckled and moved in, giving Lithmenar a tight hug, much to his surprise.

Lithmenar returned the hug, patting Louis on the back as he made his way down to the rest of his companions, holding them for a moment and saying his goodbyes.

Refer to my above comment.

As Louis stepped out onto his front sidewalk, he was greeted by his other friends. Louis smiled and walked towards them, waving to greet them.

Do they still have their capeshit powers, I wonder?

“So you guys still have the magic imbuement?” he asked.

Mandy nodded. “White Raven says it’s supposed to wear off after an hour from the casting, but we’ve still all got the powers. She and Indow believe it’s due to the different natures of Earth and Sin.”

Of course they still do. This was all just a setup to give Code Poet some dump hacking super powers, wasn't it?

Also fuck off with "muh different natures of Earth and Sin". There's no way that can buff a spell duration from "1 hour" to "basically permanent".

“And even if it does wear off at some point, I’ve gotten the Bureau to take charge on the Black Oracle, so we can always just do the spell again. We’ll take care of it and make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.” Alice stated.

The FBI can now use dark magic to, among other things, mass-produce superheroes.

“So I presume you’re all going to be superheroes, then?” Louis questioned with a smirk.

“Of course! There’s nothing wrong with having ‘talents’ above other people, and I for one think it’s going to be a heck of a ride while it lasts."

I wonder how well fucking Yarn Girl will fare against criminals with guns.
Also that remark about "There's nothing wrong with being an Ubermensch" sounds a bit ominous.

"Gum?” Ted said, offering a stick of gum to Louis.

He did his thing one last time!

Louis gladly took the gum and popped it in his mouth. “Just make sure your costumes don’t suck.”

Their powers are based on paper, yarn and (I think) bubble gum. Just try designing cool costumes based on that.

Louis started walking away, his armor flowing around him in preparation for his flight. Trevor stepped up and called out to him:

“Hey, Louis!”

Louis turned around to face him.

“You were right about the world, you know. There’s a lot of pain and suffering in it, but we’re going to make it right. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, it’s just something I feel.” Trevor explained.

Remember how these two brothers were always at odds with how the world works? Me neither.
I think the Linkara (the author) just wanted someone to congratulate Linkara (the self-insert) on the objective superiority of his "philosophy".

“Oh, I can tell you what it is.” Louis said, crossing his arms.

“It’s being able to communicate with someone halfway across the planet."

Oh, I can imagine it: People, from all over the world, united in their love of making fun of some washed-up comic reviewer with an M&M fetish. Glorious!

"It’s all the simple and complicated things that people experience and talk about all the time."

So basically just existing. Nice Zen wisdom you got there.

"It’s being able to find originality in the world when everyone says that all ideas have been done."

That's rich coming from you.

"It’s the elation that comes when we hold someone we love, when we know that everything is going to turn out right in spite of everything that says it’s going to be wrong."

Methinks there's a difference between knowing and hoping.

"It’s what I feel every time I spread my wings and climb up into the sky.”

A boner?

“Oh? What’s the world, then, Louis? What’s the feeling?” Alice asked.

Louis jumped up, his wings flapping as he soared up, calling down his answer to the others:

“Wonderful!”

*

Louis knocked on the antique shop’s door, hoping Thomas would be around for him to say goodbye to. The door opened and Thomas stood inside, grinning as he saw Louis not only wearing the new gauntlet, but also having a restored left arm.

That arm thing that goes against the supposed rules of magic is never gonna be explained, isn't it?

“I see the armor worked better than even I anticipated.” He stated with a smile.

Louis nodded. “I’m inclined to believe this thing really was imbued by angels. I also don’t feel nearly as disoriented as I was when I first came back to Earth.”

I thought that only happens when you do a dimension switch?

Thomas laughed from within the kitchen. “Good! The upgrade finally did it! I knew I’d finally nailed it down.”

Now the bestest Linkara that ever was has the bestest Angel Armor that ever was

“So, you’re going off to Pharos City alone?” Thomas queried.

How often is he gonna have to explain that dumb move?

Louis rolled his eyes and picked up his hot chocolate. “Okay, that’s just creepy. Do you watch me when I’m taking a shower, too?”

What do you think, dear readers?!

Thomas smirked. “Foresight into the future, remember? I get the cliff notes version of it, of course, not every single detail of your life. Still, there’s very little that surprises me out of it. You’ve done just as well as I thought you would.”

And I bet Linkara will continue to not ask Mr. Omniscience about the future. It's not like there's anything important or dire happening...

Louis sipped his hot chocolate for a moment before he set it down back on the tray. “So, how’s Warwickshire?”

He never mentioned that place before?

Thomas blinked, his body shuddering for a moment. He put down his tea and sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He looked over to Louis, who grinned like the Cheshire cat from how he saw that he had guessed correctly.

“Haven’t been there in ages. How’d you figure it out?” Thomas asked out of curiosity.

Linkara's such a master detective, he can even surprise the guy who can see a thousand years into the future.

“Mostly just a hunch. Really my only exposure to King Arthur before this thing was the Monty Python movie."

Then what about that song from the dumb King Arthur musical you were singing earlier?

"But if you enter in enough of the things you told me about into enough search engines, a clear enough picture was forged. So, the King you were talking about, the guy who believed in might for right, was King Arthur?”

Thomas nodded.

JFC I was half joking when I predicated that!

“Was he someone you made up or did you really know a King Arthur, oh great Thomas Mallory?” Louis asked.

That's the author of Le Morte d'Arthur, btw, just to make this extra dumb. Also it's actually "Malory" with one L.
I don't think Linkara (both) did his research, though. There are four Thomas Malorys as potential authors, only one of which is from Warwickshire. He was also a Sir, which you'd think Linkara would include.
Fun fact: This particular Thomas Malory has been accused of numerous cases of theft, extortion and banditry.

Though it is a valid question: Did the King Arthur stuff actually happen?

Prediction time: It totally happened, and Merlin was the Earthling who (almost) blew up Sin.

“My name is simply Thomas these days, Louis. I have not used that last name in over 500 years nor do I intend to take it up again."

You don't even have a fake surname? You're like Cher or something? Does that even work?
And why do you no longer go by Malory/Mallory? Afraid the FBI's gonna pay you a visit because you might be an Englishman from the 15th century?
As I've already mentioned, not only have there been so many Thomas Malorys during the time the book was written alone that we can't be sure which of them did the dirty deed, but there have also been several "Mallorys" in the history of the USA. You'd think at least one of them called their son "Thomas" just for the lulz.
Of course that's not even going into the fact that no one would give a fuck if he happens to be called Thomas Fucking Malory.

And oh, yes, there was a real King Arthur. And he was glorious and righteous beyond any that I ever dared believe.

Another prediction time: Every Linkara (or at least this one) is a reincarnation of King Arthur. Just because. Would certainly explain Thoma's dick-riding for Linkara.

And as I said, through no fault of his own, he was killed by someone he loved.

He and Mordred (who is either Arthur's son or nephew, depending on what you're reading) killed each other on the battlefield. I guess you could say that he didn't plan on getting mortally wounded, but it's an odd way to phrase things.
And as for "someone he loved..."

"Mordred, in an evil hour did I beget you. You have ruined me and the kingdom of Logres, and you have died for it. Cursed be the hour in which you were born."

Yeah.

I think Linkara (the author) is making shit up - or half-remembering it - because his beloved Camelot musical ends before the final battle.

On the eve before he set off to fight his own son, I met him for the first and only time and told him of all the stories I’d heard of him and his table. Might for right, right for right... I loved his ideals and I’d sooner cut my own throat than let those visions of peace and happiness for the world be lost to time.

Oh, that's the Tom of Warwick character, some young lass who reminds Grumpy Old Man Arthur of the good old days.
Except that's not part of Le Morte d'Arthur, or any of the other classic versions. He's an invention for The Once and Future King and by extension the musical, meant to represent a young Sir Thomas Malory.

Many believe that his ideal society was still-born from the start, but I have always trusted in him.

Real Arthurianism has never been tried.

Through unlucky circumstances and poor decisions, Camelot fell and Arthur now rests until England’s darkest hour.

Until England's darkest hour? Well, I guess we won't have to wait much longer then.


And what did cause Camelot to fail again?
>hos before bros
Oh.

But that one time I met him... he told me to keep his vision alive and that is why I took up the blacksmith’s hammer to forge that armor.

Shouldn't you have tried to revive the Knights of the Round Table by recruiting multiple Linkaras at the same time? Clearly even Arthur knew there was only so much one man could accomplish.

And how do these angels factor into this, exactly? Was the Lady of the Lake an angel, too? Are they Christian angels, or do they belong to the Magic Space Gods?

I have sought out the right person for this job and while there have been many who did not live up to task, I know now that you can be the one for it... if you want it.”

A little bit late to ask that, don't you think?

Louis leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. “I’ve been giving that a lot of thought, Thomas. I’m not a God, despite what the Linkarans on Sin believe."

Do they think you're their god? They certainly think you're their savior, and you keep comparing yourself to Jesus, but I dunno about the whole "god" part.

"Part of the problem is the religion you set about for them that has made them see me as their messiah."

Why did he set that up, anyways?

"It’s another cliché that I’ve had to endure on this journey – the modern, imperfect boy becoming the savior of millions of people."

Oh no. He was stuck in the Hero's Journey. The horror.

"The cliché demands I seek out the simple life, not try to be a leader, and try to be a humble, soft-spoken individual. After all, ‘The real hero is a hero by mistake. He dreams of being an honest coward like everyone else.’"

Are you implying that you want to be an alpha male leader? That don't add up, mate. Almost every single time you spent a scene together with your followers, you were quick to whine and bitch about how you're not the messiah and don't want to be treated as someone special.

Louis opened his eyes again and smiled, standing up and crossing his arms. “But I’m not the cliché. I’m a kid and a smart one at that."

"No other hero has ever been a kid or smart! I'm special!"

What the fuck are you on about?

"I don’t care if I sound like I’m bragging or that I’m being ill-modest, it’s still true."

"I'm a smug asshole, and a proud one at that!"

"I’m confident again, but cautiously now when it comes to certain matters."

Certain matters = Getting his arm chopped off.

"The Linkarans on Sin want me to be a leader, to show them the best way of life... well, fine then. After I finish hunting the Darkbringer, I’m going to go back to Sin. I’m going to show them all what Might for Right is."

I think they're much better off if you just let them do their own thing.
You might want to declare a Jihad on assassins and Neo-Terafellas, though.

"We’re going to rebuild Camelot and it’s going to be ten times better than the original."

"It will have Blackjack and hookers!"

"We’ll have a round table, with all of the best knights on the planet gathering together to do the noblest deeds."

I can see the recruiting process taking ages, because "knight" on Sin roughly translates to "any motherfucker with a sword".

"You were right about Arthur making mistakes, so I’m going to try to avoid the ones he made."

Well, you appear to be legit asexual, so we won't have to worry about you thinking with your dick

"I’ll make my own, but I won’t let them destroy what I’m going to build."

How often do you think your knights will put up with your periodic temper tantrums?

"What do you think of that, Thomas?”

Thomas stood up and smiled, offering his hand. Louis proudly took it and shook.

“When you have New Camelot built, give me a ring and I’ll gladly move there to help you in any way I can.” Thomas said.

How about you help him build the place in the first place, you lazy shit? I'm sure having the literal Linkaran Man around will help a lot.

“You’ll be the first one I call. Now, before we part companies, there’s something else I need you to do. I need you to knight me.” Louis said.

Why? Being a knight doesn't really mean much if you don't have a liege. You just want to stroke your self-insert ego.

Thomas was taken aback. “Knight you?! I’m not a King, you know! I was a peasant boy when I met Arthur...”

“Did he knight you, though?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“I may not know much about the hierarchy or chain-of-command for medieval royalty, but considering you are technically the last surviving knight of the round table, I think that gives you the authority to do what has to be done."

Not wrong per se. Thomas Malory was some flavor of nobility, so he's technically qualified.
I'm still not sure why Linkara insists on it, though.

"I can’t spread the word of knightly goodness if I’m not one, myself.”

Don't you think those knightly virtues are about what you do, not what you are?
Also knights are meaningless on Sin because every motherfucker with a sword is called a "knight".

Thomas thought for a second and then sighed.

I think he figured he has to humor him, lest he'll never get rid of him.

He smiled and walked into the kitchen, reaching behind his refrigerator and pulled out a simple, dusty sword.

You have a secret room for you (illegal) firearms, and yet your sword is just tucked behind your fridge?

“Please forgive me if I’m not doing this quite right. There’s actually usually a lengthy ceremony to this, but I think we can bend the rules a bit."

Yeah, I don't see him wasting time on a vigil.
Or swearing an oath of allegiance.
He might want to do the party following the ceremony, though.

"I, Thomas, in the absence of his majesty King Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, have brought you here so that the honor and title of knighthood may be conferred upon you. Speak your name.”

“Do you swear on the name of the King loyalty to the code of chivalry, to fight the wicked and defend the innocent?”

“I swear it.”

Uh, guys? The king is dead.

Thomas placed the flat side of his sword upon Louis’ right shoulder, then his left, and then back on the right again. “In the name of God and the King, I grant you the right to bear arms and the power to mete justice. Rise, sir Louis Williamson, knight of the Round Table.”

Why is the "Sir" in lower case? Dude capitalizes just about everything else.

Louis stood as Thomas withdrew his sword, offering his hand once more to the creator of his armor. Thomas gladly took it and shook once again.

“Time to get to work.” Louis said, picking up his bags.

In case you haven't been keeping track at home, more than half of this chapter was dedicated to self-indulgent nonsense.

Next Time: The epilogue, where unresolved plot threads go to die!

[wulfenlord]

So if Linkara is Arthur, then Indow is his Ginevere to Myrrha's Rape-a-lot

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

We're Knights of the New Round Table
We rape whene'er we're able
We watch Slayers and Sailor Moon
We binge it till the afternoon
We dine well in New Camelot
We eat tendies pizza and M&Ms a lot

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 4, Epilogue
(Or: Bitches be Crazy)



It is finally time, my nakama.
We laughed (at the terrible writing), and we cried (also at the terrible writing).
We experienced downs, and even more downs.
But now, the journey is finally over.

Well, at least the adventures of Linkara the Book Author. Lord knows there's still more other shit.

"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 13
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 21
And always remember: The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

Nothing much of value happened. Shocking, I know.

So Linkara decides to defeat the Dorkbringer (aka appear in the Lightbringer webcomic) alone, because he wants to prove to himself that he's a strong independent boy who needs no party (aka Linkara (the author) didn't want too many guest characters in his crossover story).
Considering that two out of three times he tried to stop a bad guy on his own in this book ended with him getting the shit kicked out of him and/or getting maimed, this might not be the smartest of ideas.

He also remembers to "apologize" to Lithmenar for being a colossal asshole to him earlier, though it's less of an apology and more just him buttering the thief up a little.

It also turns out that his muggle friends' superpower buff spell apparently lasts for pretty much forever, and they're gonna form St. Paul's first ever capeshit team. I guess Linkara (the author) wanted an excuse to expand his Lightbringer Cinematic Universe, but they honestly sound like a joke with those dumb powers.

Pretty much like the Great Lake Avengers.

Oh, and since they're now in the possession of the Ultimate Book of Ultimate Evil where that spell came from, the FBI can now use dark magic to, among other things, mass-produce superheroes.
Of course they're likely only use it on Linkara's friends (despite them being literally just dumb kids) in case their juice does run out, but do you have any idea how much havoc this could wreck on the Lightbringer's precious capeshit setting?
There doesn't even seem to be any downsides. Just think of going fast when you get zapped and bam, you're the Flash now.
At least afaik. We never really find out how this spell actually works. I had to puzzle it together from a throwaway line by the fucking Code Poet.

Also how would this upcoming Lightbringer crossover have been handled if there had been more Angel Armor books? This chapter makes it sound like that would've been part of the next book. Would that one just start with Linkara returning from his adventure in Pharos City?

Anyways, before fucking off to Pharos City he decides to visit Old Man Thomas one last time - and due to the powers of Google and his brilliant deductive skills (which have never even been hintend at before), he has concluded that the elusive Linkaran Man can be no other than Sir Thomas Malory of Newbol Revel, one of the proposed authors for Le Morte d'Arthur.
Which Linkara allegedly figured out despite knowing fuckall about King Arthur beyond Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which a) how the fuck did he manage to avoid any other incarnation b) this doesn't mesh with him singing the song Camelot from the musical of the same name earlier.
To make it extra dumb the events from the story - which are of course real in this universe - are clearly based on the musical, which in turn is based on The Once and Future King, which in turn is not what Sir Thomas Malory has written.

As one of his final acts in the book, Linkara insist on being knighted by Thomas - because it's not enough that he is Jesus, a multiversal champion chosen by The Angels (tm) and the greatest of those champions that ever was, but he also needs to be one of the last Knights of the Round Table by sheer technicality

Oh, and his grand plan for when he returns to Sin? Make New Camelot. Because fuck creativity.

(And he might have not actually mentioned it, but I can see him using his powers as Sinnian Jesus to declare that all Linkaran priestesses shall dress up as Sailor Senshi. I know I would.)

ChapterShow

Myrrha looked down into the pages of her copy of the Black Oracle and took a deep breath in preparation for what she needed to do. She gazed up from the book to the rock wall in front of her and slid her hand across its surface, hoping she had found the right location. She had pursued several leads to her destination, all of them turning out to be dead ends. After a month of searching, she was convinced that this latest attempt was the final one. Her exploits had brought her to a cave hidden in one of the two largest forests in Jilad. After only narrowing evading the various mercenaries and bounty hunters that were seeking her out, she felt she deserved a break in her luck.

She spoke aloud the strange, almost incomprehensible words in the Black Oracle, hearing clicking sounds come every few words she spoke. After she finished the passage, the rock face shook before sliding away into the cave walls on either side of it. She grinned as she stepped forward one step, not daring to enter just yet. She had read in the Darkness’ book about the various traps he had set to ensure no one managed to enter into it by accident or without his consent. As such, he detailed exactly how to enter it without incident.

Myrrha reached over to the left side of the darkened entrance and felt around for a piece of rock extending out from the side of the rock, pushing it in slightly. The sound of rock scraping against rock reverberated through the cave as a shaft of light, obviously coming from a hole that extended all the way out of the cave, shone down on a small pillar in the middle of the room. A second later, dusty candles sprung to life all around the circular cave room, filling it with light and revealing all of the treasures contained inside of it.

However, Myrrha wasn’t concerned with them just yet. She reached down and pulled off a pouch from her belt, opening it up slightly as she lifted it. She tossed the pouch into the room, its contents a mixture of several kinds of healing dusts and magic-imbued powders spilling out. The mixture evaporated as soon as it came into contact [with] the air in the room, the pouch falling onto the ground. The flames in the room grew brighter, fully illuminating it. Myrrha brought the Black Oracle back up and flipped it open to the page she had been at, making sure she did not have to do anything more to disable the traps.

Once she confirmed it, she smiled and stepped into the room, looking about its various contents. Each weapon and item within had a piece of paper in front of it identifying what it was and what it did, but Myrrha took particular notice of a single item within the chamber. It sat on the pillar in the middle of the room, the light from the outside making a circle around it. Myrrha walked over to it and picked up the piece of paper that explained it, grumbling for a moment as she saw that the explanation had been worn away as to make its words incomprehensible.

It was a gauntlet, with blackened armor and the upper areas of it extending out into blades that curved towards the arm. Myrrha picked it up and slid it onto her right arm, curling her hand into a fist. She felt a surge of power suddenly flow through her as she toyed around with it, examining how her gauntlet-encased hand looked. She thought of how wonderful it would finally be to use all these weapons to hunt down her enemies, to enslave and conquer the Five Lands, show the Eclipsed Legion who was the true lord, and cleave her enemies into-

She yelped in surprise as a black blade extended out from the back of the wrist section of the gauntlet. She blinked for a moment as she examined her weapon, her surprise turning into utter joy. She began giggling insanely before fully laughing out loud into the room, realizing what it was that she had discovered and what the Darkness had been working on with the weapons of the storehouse.

*

Thesia opened her eyes and bit her lower lip. The last thing she remembered was a horrible burning feeling all across her skin as Varek choked her to death, but then she awoke in total darkness. She waited patiently in the abyss, unable to venture anywhere – her feet finding no ground to stand upon and her body continually floating in place. She could only tell she still had a body by the fact that she could use her hands to feel around and tell that every part of her was still intact. She tried to cast spells to illuminate the area, but everything she tried failed before they even formed.

And so Thesia merely floated. She never grew hungry or thirsty, never needed to rest, and never needed to do anything that any living person would need to do to continue their existence. She was awake for every agonizing moment as she waited for rescue. She kept herself rational by telling herself that Louis and the others would find her, would know of her plight. She said to herself that White Raven would probably be the first to come to her, to aide her since they had become such good friends.

But rescue never came. Months passed as Thesia’s already overstretched sanity was pushed beyond her breaking point. She screamed, she clawed at herself and at anything around her, but found nothing to ease her loneliness and suffering. She almost created other people to talk to, but her lingering hope that someone would save her kept her from doing so.

And finally, when she finally could take it no longer, her damaged psyche came up with only one rational explanation for why she had never escaped – no one wanted to rescue her. In fact, she had been put there deliberately. They didn’t trust her, they were jealous of her powers and were frightened by all the might she possessed thanks to her access to Forbidden magicks. And so, she let her rage and hatred for those whom she had considered friends take hold over her. She realized she could trust no one but herself, that she had to force the world to accept her greatness and that her destiny was to take revenge on the people who had wronged her.

She worked to free herself from her hellish nightmare, summoning every last bit of her willpower to force herself back to Sin. She engaged her magicks, useless as they might be, but continually pushed with all her strength to get herself back to her home world. And after a week of struggle, she rematerialized on Sin.

But while she recognized the hilly landscape she had appeared on, she winced as she saw that her body was transparent, as it had been when she was first a ghost. However, her priorities had not changed. She knew what she wanted, she knew who she hated. And so, she began marching over the hill to look and see if the town she remembered from the hill was still there. After venturing over it, her eyes widened as she beheld a very different place than what she remembered. There were skyscrapers that extended well past even the tall cities of Earth, vehicles flying about at busy intersections, and gigantic suits of armor patrolling the area outside of the city at the bottom of the hill.

But it didn’t matter where she was. She merely began walking towards the city as a question filled her thoughts and possibilities abounding within her begged a simple question that would aide her in her revenge against Louis:

What was his armor and how could she take advantage of it?

RiffingShow

Myrrha looked down into the pages of her copy of the Black Oracle and took a deep breath in preparation for what she needed to do.

When did you make that copy? That wasn't a thing last book, and you were on the run more or less constantly.

She gazed up from the book to the rock wall in front of her and slid her hand across its surface, hoping she had found the right location.

Is this gonna be another one of those secret doors that require you to hit two dozen hidden buttons in four different places in the correct order?

She had pursued several leads to her destination, all of them turning out to be dead ends.

I take it the Darkness wasn't very good at giving directions.

After a month of searching, she was convinced that this latest attempt was the final one. Her exploits had brought her to a cave hidden in one of the two largest forests in Jilad. After only narrowing evading the various mercenaries and bounty hunters that were seeking her out, she felt she deserved a break in her luck.

Don't you mean "a lucky break"? Phrasing it as "a break in her luck" sounds like the complete opposite of what she went through.

She spoke aloud the strange, almost incomprehensible words in the Black Oracle, hearing clicking sounds come every few words she spoke. After she finished the passage, the rock face shook before sliding away into the cave walls on either side of it.

Oh, so the secret door is voice-activated. What a relief.

She grinned as she stepped forward one step, not daring to enter just yet. She had read in the Darkness’ book about the various traps he had set to ensure no one managed to enter into it by accident or without his consent. As such, he detailed exactly how to enter it without incident.

The door only opens if you recite the correct string of gibberish. How could you possibly open the door on accident?
Also this book is likely the only way to find out the gibberish in the first place, so having the very same book tell you how to get around the traps kinda defeats the purpose of those traps.

Myrrha reached over to the left side of the darkened entrance and felt around for a piece of rock extending out from the side of the rock, pushing it in slightly. The sound of rock scraping against rock reverberated through the cave as a shaft of light, obviously coming from a hole that extended all the way out of the cave, shone down on a small pillar in the middle of the room. A second later, dusty candles sprung to life all around the circular cave room, filling it with light and revealing all of the treasures contained inside of it.

I love how this place has a central "On" switch.
Which is not voice-activated and can therefore actually be hit on accident.

However, Myrrha wasn’t concerned with them just yet. She reached down and pulled off a pouch from her belt, opening it up slightly as she lifted it. She tossed the pouch into the room, its contents a mixture of several kinds of healing dusts and magic-imbued powders spilling out. The mixture evaporated as soon as it came into contact [with] the air in the room, the pouch falling onto the ground. The flames in the room grew brighter, fully illuminating it. Myrrha brought the Black Oracle back up and flipped it open to the page she had been at, making sure she did not have to do anything more to disable the traps.

That's an odd way to disable traps, but whatever.

Once she confirmed it, she smiled and stepped into the room, looking about its various contents. Each weapon and item within had a piece of paper in front of it identifying what it was and what it did...

What the fuck is this? A museum?

...but Myrrha took particular notice of a single item within the chamber. It sat on the pillar in the middle of the room, the light from the outside making a circle around it.

"The light from the outside"? Is this an extra entrance that has always been open, or did the central "On" switch open it?

Myrrha walked over to it and picked up the piece of paper that explained it, grumbling for a moment as she saw that the explanation had been worn away as to make its words incomprehensible.

Worst. Museum. Ever.

It was a gauntlet, with blackened armor and the upper areas of it extending out into blades that curved towards the arm.

Sounds like a great way to cut yourself if you bend your arm too much.
And are you telling me that the Darkness had an evil copy of the gauntlet this whole time?

Myrrha picked it up and slid it onto her right arm, curling her hand into a fist. She felt a surge of power suddenly flow through her as she toyed around with it, examining how her gauntlet-encased hand looked. She thought of how wonderful it would finally be to use all these weapons to hunt down her enemies, to enslave and conquer the Five Lands, show the Eclipsed Legion who was the true lord, and cleave her enemies into-

She yelped in surprise as a black blade extended out from the back of the wrist section of the gauntlet.

The Darkness had an evil copy of the gauntlet this whole time.

She blinked for a moment as she examined her weapon, her surprise turning into utter joy. She began giggling insanely before fully laughing out loud into the room, realizing what it was that she had discovered and what the Darkness had been working on with the weapons of the storehouse.

And what the Darkness "had been working on" is utter stupidity. Dude built a fucking museum full of weapons he apparently never intended to actually use.

*

Thesia opened her eyes and bit her lower lip.

Of course she did. She will also wince in just a few paragraphs, just so you know.

The last thing she remembered was a horrible burning feeling all across her skin as Varek choked her to death, but then she awoke in total darkness. She waited patiently in the abyss, unable to venture anywhere – her feet finding no ground to stand upon and her body continually floating in place. She could only tell she still had a body by the fact that she could use her hands to feel around and tell that every part of her was still intact. She tried to cast spells to illuminate the area, but everything she tried failed before they even formed.

So casting Disintegrate on Earth just teleports you into what I'm just gonna assume to be the realm of the Magic Space Gods. That's awfully convenient.
Or is that just a thing for Thesia that will never be explained? That getting killed just causes her to respawn somewhere else in the multiverse?

I certainly hope it's because of Earth, 'cause I love the idea of the gods using Linkara's severed arm as a back scratcher.

And so Thesia merely floated. She never grew hungry or thirsty, never needed to rest, and never needed to do anything that any living person would need to do to continue their existence.

So is this a feature of the dimension she's floating in, or did the Disintegrate that as well?

She was awake for every agonizing moment as she waited for rescue. She kept herself rational by telling herself that Louis and the others would find her, would know of her plight. She said to herself that White Raven would probably be the first to come to her, to aide her since they had become such good friends.

Bitch they all think you're dead, and I don't think Raven will bother with Zen Wikipedia (that's not gonna work, anyways) just because you two bonded over your past war crimes.

But rescue never came. Months passed as Thesia’s already overstretched sanity was pushed beyond her breaking point. She screamed, she clawed at herself and at anything around her, but found nothing to ease her loneliness and suffering. She almost created other people to talk to, but her lingering hope that someone would save her kept her from doing so.

Oh. so that's how she became an Evil Time Lord? She just lost enough sanity to become even more evil and crazy?
And WTF do you mean by "almost created other people"? You could just do that? Then do it.

And finally, when she finally could take it no longer, her damaged psyche came up with only one rational explanation for why she had never escaped – no one wanted to rescue her.

Fucking Cluster B nightmare bitch.

In fact, she had been put there deliberately.

I guess Varek didn't plan it, but there certainly was some deliberation on his part.

They didn’t trust her, they were jealous of her powers and were frightened by all the might she possessed thanks to her access to Forbidden magicks.

Do they even know WTF you can actually do that Indow can't? 'Cause I certainly don't.
Though I guess she can float more people around than her? Though then again Indow's magic is allegedly suped up on Earth for some reason...

And so, she let her rage and hatred for those whom she had considered friends take hold over her. She realized she could trust no one but herself, that she had to force the world to accept her greatness and that her destiny was to take revenge on the people who had wronged her.

Isn't this basically how your career as a "conqueror" started?
And I guess this whole fall from grace would have a bigger impact if there was an actuall fall involved. Or if you were an actually fleshed-out character that gave readers a reason to give a toss.

She worked to free herself from her hellish nightmare, summoning every last bit of her willpower to force herself back to Sin. She engaged her magicks, useless as they might be, but continually pushed with all her strength to get herself back to her home world. And after a week of struggle, she rematerialized on Sin.

"Magicks... ENGAGE!"

But while she recognized the hilly landscape she had appeared on, she winced as she saw that her body was transparent, as it had been when she was first a ghost.

Neither of those instances is ever gonna be explained, isn't it?

However, her priorities had not changed. She knew what she wanted, she knew who she hated.

Doge Walker.

And so, she began marching over the hill to look and see if the town she remembered from the hill was still there. After venturing over it, her eyes widened as she beheld a very different place than what she remembered.

"And she beheld a very different place than what she remembered... LIKE LIGHTNING!"

There were skyscrapers that extended well past even the tall cities of Earth, vehicles flying about at busy intersections, and gigantic suits of armor patrolling the area outside of the city at the bottom of the hill.

Is this due to her newfound time travel powers, or is the passage of time between the two worlds just that different?

But it didn’t matter where she was. She merely began walking towards the city as a question filled her thoughts and possibilities abounding within her begged a simple question that would aide her in her revenge against Louis:

What was his armor and how could she take advantage of it?

Really? That's how you became obsessed about the armor? Did you even see it in action all that much?
I mean, there was the big brawl against MissingNo. where Thesia was the only one who got shit done (for some reason) and Linkara got curbstomped just like the others.
Or how about that fight against Varek where Linkara lost both the fight and an arm?
Boy, I sure want a piece of that armor action!

And that's it. Amazing.

Next Time: Let's give this book the Old Yeller treatment with one final final verdict.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 4, Final Verdict



I'll do the recapping and prediction retrospective stuff here, what with this being the final book and all.

RecapShow

Myrrha finds the legendary Storehouse of Darkness (tm) - except it's actually The Darkness' Museum Of Awesome Super Weapons That Would've Won The War If They Had Been Actually Used Instead Of Gathering Dust (tm). Quite the mouthful, I admit.
With one exception, it contains an unspecified amont of unspecified "weapons", just so Myrrha would be able to whip out any arbitrary bullshit that the plot demanded in hypothetical future books.
The one exception on the other hand is an evil copy of the Angel Armor gauntlet. As this thing was likely created long before Linkara even showed up, one might wonder how the Darkness even knew about the gauntlet. The answer is fuck you, because in case you didn't notice this book appears to mark the point in time when Linkara (the author) started obsessing over arch nemeses that are just an evil version of his self-insert hero: The Dorkbringer, Mechakara and I guess the Myrrhakara or Mistress Darkara or whatever the fuck.

Meanwhile, Thesia is just floating through the void between dimension instead of being disintegrated, because random nonsense that is never explained just keeps happening to her.
She loses her mind (or goes back to her old ways) over the unwarranted belief that her "friends" aka "random people she hung out with for a few days" have abandoned her, instead of rightfully assuming that she's been turned into fucking dust. I assume she mellowed out on that part once she became a proper Evil Time Lord and could actually see what happened after her "death", but that's probably wishful thinking on my part.
Eventually, she makes it back to Sin - but it's the future !
Oh, and she's suddenly autistically interested in the titular Angel Armor, even though she herself never actually beheld it accomplishing much of anything.
I guess we all knew that she would turn evil (again), that she had something to do with the future, and that she was obsessed with Linkara's armor, but it's amazing how sloppy all of this was handled.

Prediction RetrospectiveShow

>no time has passed on Earth
I fucking knew it. Though it's even dumber than I imagined because his real body stayed on Earth, just so he could get his hair fixed.

>the Hallway Nazi returns
Sadly not. She would make for a good villain for St. Paul's new capeshit team (Paper Gal, Yarn Girl and Gum Boy).

>Linkara going Chris-chan and including IRL "enemies" of his.
Not as far as I can tell, but maybe some of he nonsense Varek spouted is something he heard in school. Would at least explain the weird "Fairy tales are lame and gay" side-tangents.

>no explanation for the antique shop and that voice from Book 1
Technically that's all Old Man Thomas, so I was wrong.

>Earth gets invaded / ripping off Digimon
Unless you count MissingNo. (which is even a digital monster like a Digimon) this is a firm "no".

>Thesia and her Shadow Nazgul will continue to disappoint
Oh, did they ever.

>Myrrha will probably do something
Well, she did put on a bootleg gauntlet, but that's not quite what my prediction was about...

>no new villain
Somehow, I didn't think of the Dorkbringer when making these predictions.

>Linkara will continue to be in charge


>toned-down mind battles
Well, Linkara just sat on his mind ass going "Mind battles are gay and lame now", so I guess I was right?

>nothing about Zen Wikipedia, the Linkaran Man, prehistoric mecha, earlier Earthlings on Earth or Magic Space Gods
I was wrong on the Linkaran Man, but those revelations came with even more dumb stuff that will never be explained.

>no negative effect due to muh different physiologies
Just as I thought. Really the only time those physiologies played any kind of role was to explain why the Dorkbringer has claws.

>the fellowship will love the fuck out of Earth, and it'll just be like Linkara has foretold it
Oh boy, was I wrong on that one. I guess Linkara should've expected as much, as he liked excluding the "negative" stuff from his tales from Earth (except for the Holocaust, of course).

And I guess it could be fun looking at all the various promises made by our dear author way back in the introduction:

Introduction RetrospectiveShow

>I'm less of an idiot now because college
You're still an idiot to this very day.

>I'm a better writer now
The only thing that has noticeably changed is everyone's newfound obsession to behold stuff, which is only an "improvement" in the sense that I could abuse it for a dumb running gag.

>no more mind battles
Sure, but instead you did dumb pop culture brainrot nonsense IRL, like that whole shit with MissingNo.

>muh fairly original gauntlet origin story
I guess it is "fairly original" to include King Arthur and some guy who wrote a book about King Arthur once - but all of this doesn't really explain shit, because it's not Thomas who actually makes the magic happen, but mysterious angels who do mysterious shit for mysterious reasons.

>muh cinematic universe
You didn't really do much with this, but that's a story for different spoiler sections.

>muh retcon from 2002 to 2007
I've read the book and still don't understand why the specific year is important. Did you want to align shit with Lightbringer or something?

>promoting happiness and optimism
You're a terrible salesperson.

>explaining the Darkness
No you fucking didn't.

>villains with a point
No they fucking don't. I still don't know why smiling is bad. Stating weird nonsense doesn't make things more morally ambiguous.

>this book is a larger allegory for something else
It's an allegory for suck.

And now for all the other shit:

WorldbuildingShow

What a fucking mess. Like, holy shit. No wonder this one wasn't actually published. Linkara (the author) likely only made it available to the public because of the connection with his Lightbringer webcomic.

Dude didn't even try with this one. Random magic shit just keeps happening to make the plot happen as intended, logic be damned. Nothing is elaborated, and when it is it usually just raises more questions and more often than not doesn't mesh well with the previous books.

• Why does Thesia keep surviving certain death? Fuck if I know.
  • And while we're at it, what was the deal with Ghost Thesia from her debut scene in Book 2? Was that Evil Time Lord Thesia doing random shit for no reason, or Past Thesia just hanging out there randomly before randomly getting teleported to Earth (and regaining her "fatal" wounds she didn't have in her debut)? Fuck if I know.
  • And why the fuck was she super effective against MissingNo.? Fuck if I know.
  • Really this whole mess is such a burning dumpster fire you can't even begin to explain it, short of more dumb nonsense like "Evil Time Lord Thesia orchestrated every as part of some retarded closed time loop to justify her own existence".
• Why can a malfunctioning spell make a glitch Pokemon real and kaiju-sized? Fuck if I know.
• Why is there suddenly a Wish spell that can turn you into any kind of capeshitter, and why isn't everyone using it? Fuck if I know.
  • I assume Linkara (the author) just wanted a lame capeshit team for Code Poet, but I can't be arsed to research if these losers ever actually show up in the Lightbringer webcomic.
  • The other possibility is that the nerd brigade is based on IRL friends of Linkara, and he made them capeshitters as some weird kind of cronyism.
• Why did the Darkness make all sorts of super magic and super weapons, but could never be arsed to use any of that shit? Fuck if I know.
  • Of course it's power creep. Varek's just some guy who already sucked balls when up against a normal teenager, and Myrrha already got roflstomped in Book 2. But if the von Peasantkickings from last book are any indication, we're living in a brand new era of Angel Armor where being a main villain automatically turns you into a supreme badass.
  • Of course it would've probably made more sense to justify this power creep with an alliance involving one of the other bad guy factions that haven't actually done anything so far (Evil Time Lord Thesia, Neo-Terafellas)
• On a related note, how did the Darkness make that bootleg gauntlet? Did it meet a Linkara in another dimension? Was it somehow able to reverse-engineer (and then hide) the gauntlet sometime during Book 1, based on nothing but hearsay? Fuck if I know.
  • And why even bother with a bootleg gauntlet if you have idiot-proof super magic that can turn anyone into a Linkara-equivalent in a matter of hours? I'd certainly love to see Linkara try to fend off a dozen Vareks.
• What the fuck does King Arthur being real have to do with anything? And doesn't this imply that magic has always existed on Earth? Where the fuck did it go? Fuck if I know.
  • Is magic a thing in Lightbringer? If so how come Book 1 Linkara was so amazed about real magic?
• Why isn't Thomas taking a more active role in making the world a better place? He's effectively Earth's Immortal Sorcerer Supreme with an autistically strong sense of justice, so what gives? Fuck if I know.
  • This gets even worse if you remember that the guy can see at least a thousand years into the future. If this is supposed to be Earth's good timeline I'd hate to see the bad one.
• Why did Linkara never consider asking his new precognitive BFF about what the future has in store for him? Fuck if I know.
• Why is he only making one set of Linkara armor at a time? Why are there no Linkara's of the Round Table? Fuck if I know.
• Why does he let some Linkaras operate in secret, while at least one had an entire religion created for him? Fuck if I know.
• Why is there a fucking multiverse of Linkaras? Fuck if I know.
  • It's totally so his At4W antics can be somewhat in continuity with Angel Armor and Lightbringer. I fucking guarantee it. If either of those properties had gotten actually popular his AT4W storyline would've been fucking full of references (beyond having fucking MissingNo. as a villain).
  • And at least in this series, it just serves to suck Linkara's dick some more, because of course he is the greatest, bestest and handsomest Linkara in all the multiverses
• Why cram in an extra flashback chapter in the middle of the book that reveals some prophecy foretelling Linkara as the (future) destroyer of Sin? That shit doesn't even begin to be relevant.
• Why did magic cause Linkara's arm to grow back when that was allegedly one of the few things magic can't do? Fuck if I know.
  • It would've actually been mildly cool if that upgraded armor came with a transformable magitek robot arm, but fuck having the Great Linkara be burdened by the consequences of his actions.

Also the follow-up from last book's ending was strangely absent. Did those Magic Space Gods mindwipe our heroes? I don't know, but they seem to think that using those Stargate crystals to jump back and forth between Sin and Earth does not involve getting stranded in the void and hoping for some celestial tard wrangler to save their asses.

StorytellingShow

This guy didn't get better at writing at all, which is kinda amazing in and of itself.
Hilariously enough, a lot of his problems are still in effect in his At4W storylines.

Probably his worst trait that has really come out in full force in the past two books his obsession with just copy-pasting shit from whatever piece of media he thinks is cool, logic and the risk to wreck his own worldbuilding be damned.

• The magic space god nonsense is clearly inspired by Slayer's cosmology.
• The King Arthur stuff, which as far as I can tell is directly ripped off from his precious Camelot musical.
• Fucking MissingNo., and later in At4W all the Silent Hill / Power Rangers / Doctor Who nonsense .

Also really noticeable is his desire to fake having long-term plans by just teasing shit for several books before it even begins to be relevant. All so the reader can maybe go "Ah, I know what this is about".
Problem is he doesn't plan shit, and the plot is then turned and twisted into a non-Euclidian pretzel to make everything "work" (except it doesn't work):

• The Thesia bullshit. She's been teased as this ultimate main villain for three fucking books - and nothing has come out of it so far. Fuck, the heroes don't even know she exists (as an Evil Time Lord).
  • I guess this sorta works if you shit out new story bits in a weekly schedule. You know, have your comic reviews end with Mechakara leaning into the screen, stroking his chin with his dumb toy robot hand going "Soon..." as ominously as possible (which isn't much thanks to Linkara's quality acting).
    But this is a series of novels. That shit's on too slow a schedule to have the luxury of dumb, short teasing bullshit that exists primarily for its own sake. These various little side stories just don't get enough page real estate to have any meat to them.
  • And it certainly doesn't help that the execution is dogshit. Shit's just incoherent nonsense currently involving at least three instances of Deus Ex Machina (Thesia ending up on Earth, her being super effective against MissingNo., and her somehow surviving getting disintegrated). How many more books did he expect us to suffer through before shit would start making sense, if ever?
• Varek. He gets introduced in Book 2 for the sake of introducing him. We only really know that he hates women (for some reason) and his apparently hot shit (but not hot enough to become a Horsema'am).
  • You might think this was a hint of him having a bigger role in Book 3, but no. He was just on the run in that book, and since he can't be on the run from anyone who is not Linkara if he's too strong he's instead portrayed as a giant pussy who can't even beat up a dumb teenager.
  • Then in this book he's suddenly the main villain - but we've already established that he's a giant pussy, so we need to introduce super magic.
  • Really I think a lot of issues with him could've been fixed if he was a Dark Sorcerer. Maybe Sorcerers just weren't eligible for Horsema'am promotion. Maybe he spent most of Book 3 with those anti-magic shackles on. And the dumb duels against Linkara might've been mildly interesting since Linkara has never really fought an enemy spellcaster alone before.
    (The Varek we ended up getting hardly counts. For the most part he was still primarily a spellcaster, with most of his magic being used to buff himself to keep up with Linkara.)
• Shit like Indow's dad's new translation waifu, which is similar to A'Trex and his gang in that it's some tertiary character who will maybe become actually relevant in like two books or so, but until then we just don't have enough scenes featuring these characters so who the fuck cares?

The story of this book is also pretty much filler, which might be fine if this was a webcomic or something, but do we really need a fucking book about how our heroes just want to watch TV and eat pizza, but get interrupted by some crazy asshole with a sword?

There's also a definite feeling of this just being a draft. There are number of "less important" scenes that just get summarized, and it would certainly explain why Thomas is first "There's nothing wrong with your armor, kid", only to go "You need a stronger armor if you are to be successful in battle!" within the same scene.
Or this weird shit where Linkara grabs a shitload of guns and heads out like he's gonna go all Hot Fuzz on Varek, but then is all "Sorry, I'm not doing anything without my gauntlet".

For such a short book there also an awful lot of repetition.

• There are two instances of Linkara's minions getting triggered and/or intrigued by something they've seen on TV, followed by one of the lesser Williamsons having a dumb discussion with them.
• There are also two instances of Varek beating the shit out of Linkara and all the other characters arguing with each other whose fault it was until Linkara swaggers into the scene telling everyone to STFU.
• All the weird side remarks about a random character who isn't actually relevant to the scene eating an apple or leaning against a wall.

This might be less obvious if there was more to this book, but there really isn't.

LinkaraShow

This fucking guy.

He's still a smug asshole. You'd think he'd learn some humility after getting ryona'd twice by the same guy, but no. Those three duels could almost happen in any random order.

And really, that's a bit of theme in this book: Linkara doesn't learn any lessons.
I mean, all his fights with Varek were effectively duels (there were a lot more people around in the third, but they never mattered). The fights are really all the same, except in the last one Linkara wins because he got a power boost. And then after that he immediately heads out to Pharos City in anticipation of yet another fight he's gonna do alone.

That gauntlet upgrade that tips the scales in his favor feels really unearned, btw. Thomas just does it because he's a massive dick-rider - and why should Linkara learn a lesson? Thomas already said this is the greatest Linkara that ever was.
Now you might say there's this whole "Might for right" nonsense from that Camelot musical - but really? Linkara's supposed to be this turbo nerd who has watched all the animu and cartons. You're telling me he never once encountered some variation of "With great power comes great responsibility"?

And then the fucking melodrama. Dear God.
He rudely insults his sweetheart and friends for daring to call his planet a shithole, then he runs off just long enough to feel sorry about the whole situation, then he literally lies down to die, but ultimately changes his mind thanks to the first guy that came by.
Now you might go "He just got his arm chopped off; he wasn't thinking straight" but fuck that noise. This shit was performative melodrama, so erratic and over-the-top it's downright hilarious.
Plus there was once again nothing to be learned. Everyone forgives him pretty much immediately, and you just know that a hypothetical 5th book would've included more temper tantrums - because Linkara seems to believe to this day that having your hero rant incoherently makes for serious drama.

And then as a final "fuck you" he has the absolute nerve to be all "My character arc is so much cooler than the Hero's Journey". JFC.

The FellowshipShow

I'm just gonna lump them together in one category because man did they not have a whole lot to do.
Indow patches up Linkara.
Raven steals the book with a fucking cartoon trick arrow.
Lithmenar eats an apple.
Gyaru Casca just kinda exists.

This is especially weird for Indow because last book had her do pretty much everything with her magic, which is supposedly stronger on Earth. But she doesn't really end up accomplishing much of anything here.

ThesiaShow

This fucking bitch.

I guess I kinda get what he was going for (a friend of the heroes feels abandoned/betrayed and goes apeshit), but it all happened within the span of a single book, nothing was fleshed out or felt natural.

I mean, fuck, this is her introduction to the gang:

"Hi, I'm Thesia. I'm an unrepentant, mass-murdering, psychopathic bitch who will ally with even the most evil motherfuckers to realize my selfish ambitions. Though right now I'm kinda confused about this whol reverse isekai thing I have going on, so can I like sleep at your place until I have figured out if I still feel like committing war crimes?"

"Of course! Welcone on board, friend!"

It's a good thing Varek wasn't eavesdropping on this, 'caues they would've welcomed him with open arms if he had pulled something like this.

And the closest thing to a "bonding moment" with one of the gang is basically this:

"Do you know I slaughtered an entire city of dwarves? No, I'm not gonna explain why. I just did"

It boggles the mind that they're not suspicious in the slightest, and it's only moderately less dumb that the gravest "punishment" they would've had for her was to deport her back to Sin - because fuck stopping a bloodthirsty conquerer, we have a vacation to enjoy!

Sure, she helps them fighting Varek, but that's because of their weird relationship drama which is never fleshed out properly because it all happened off-screen and is never properly expanded on despite including crazy shit like a ghost dude.
Her biggest claim of heroism was in the fight against MissingNo. where she got plot armor up the wazoo thanks to hack writing, but you could chalk that off to her bloodlust getting triggered.

The WilliamsonsShow

Talk about a wasted opportunity.

They could've been an interesting change of pace from the usual power dynamic of this series, where everyone and everything as to bend to the whims of the Great Linkara. Now he would've had to deal with his parents, and his older brother who probably (and rightfully) thinks he's a dork.
Except that didn't happen. Linkara just explains everything to them off-screen (something that happenes to often during the book that Linkara himself ends up having the least amount of actual interactions with his own family), and then they're his glorified servants, eager to cater to the bunch of weirdoes their son picked up.

Interactions between the family and the fellowship wasn't that much better. Whenever they needed to debate about Earth shit one member of the Williamson household would just materialize to spout some nonsense.

The Nerd BrigadeShow

We somehow get more backstory on details about these losers than other tertiary characters like A'Trex that actually did something, despite being largely superfluous.
Despite their oh-so unique hobbies and skills, they're pretty much interchangeable, except that one of the hands out bubble gum.

The Code Poet just kinda exists for the sake of tying the Linkara Cinematic Universe together. She's largely interchangeable with the rest of her friends, except when she starts flaunting her FBI connections (that don't actually end up mattering).
You'd think the 1337 hacker chick would play a role in the epic fight against the glitch Pokemon, but no.

And WTF was up with that spell that gives you capeshit powers? You have any ideas about the fallout of this shit? As I've mentioned previously, the FBI can now use dark magic to, among other things, mass-produce superheroes.
And all of this can of worms for what, exactly? So they could have a dumb brawl with Varek that could've easily been cut out?
Really this all just seems to be an excuse to give the Code Poet some superpowers (and potentially a lame capeshit team of her own), but I don't fucking know if this will ever actually come up in the webcomic, and I'm certainly not willing to riff that thing in its entirety (yet).

Also fuck this book for this dumb zombie discussion they had, and fuck me for remembering it just now.

The Elusive Linkaran ManShow

He's really just an excuse to crowbar in shit from that Camelot musical.

We don't know why he can see into the future, why he's immortal, why he can interact with the entire multiverse, and why some mysterious space gods / angels help him out. He was meant to explain shit about the gauntlet, but if anything shit only got more confusing.
He also doesn't really do much besides giving Linkara an upgrade that only really exists to solve a power creep issue that this book started.

Also it just occured to me that he never interacts with anyone besides Linkara, and afaik no one else seems to be aware of his existence. Not sure if this was intentional, or just bad writing.

The LightbringerShow

Really? You have your other self-insert show up in this book, and all he does is give fucking relationship advice (which is extra funny because I think the guy's an incel) and a lame speech about why he keeps fighting the good fight (which honestly sounds more like he's deluding himself that the world isn't quite as shitty as it actually is)?
What about the localized eclipse in the next town over? That shit was a big enough deal to make national news and become priority numero uno for the fucking POTUS. You're telling me Mr. "World's First Superhero" couldn't be arsed to fly over and see WTF is going on?
This isn't even like that Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Letdown where Linkara (the author) likely pussied out at the last second due to copyright issues. Lightbringer is his fucking baby.

VarekShow

What a fucking moron.

I mean, he's the guy in charge of the narrative. Our brave heroes were just leaning against walls while eating apples and pizza. Varek was in complete control when and where to strike. And man did he do a bad job at it.

Dude's scatterbrain af. First he tries to kill Linkara, then he's content with just chopping his arm off and leaving him alone, and then he finally decides to kill him. JFC dude, make up your mind. He's like a walking plot device or something.

And then the dumb speeches. I guess Linkara (the author) wanted to appear "deep", but what's the fucking point of going on and on about how starting a Darkness cult on Earth would be soooo easy if he never actually does anything? His precious Darkness only gained one follower on Earth, and the guy recruited himself.

The DorkbringerShow

I'm pretty sure he's only in this for yet another tie with the Linkara Cinematic Universe. He just kinda swaggers into the story, convinces Varek to get zapped with Darkness juice, and then Varek just tells him to piss off at the end just so Varek could lose without the Dorkbringer also getting his shit kicked in.

He doesn't even really do much in this book. He tells Varek to start a cult (which never happens), and then he flexes on the fellowship (which can only happen because Indow dragged them into the duel dimension). That's pretty much it. It wouldn't really take a whole lot to cut him out of the story entirely, which is pretty amazing considering he makes up 50% of the villains in this (or 33% if you count MissingNo.)

Angel Armor vs Angel ArmorShow

Not much to say here. The first book is still ever so slightly less shit than this one.
I'd say especially this and the last book had some real issues with being aimless messes whose worldbuilding just makes everything more convoluted. I wouldn't be too surprised if he ditched this series because he couldn't figure out what to do with all the nonsense mystery box bullshit that he himself has introduced.

tl;drShow

Next Time: The final voyage of the Linkara...

[Complicity]

Book 4, Final Verdict:

[wulfenlord]

Fuck if I know.

Gum?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

That's every chapter, really.

Gum?

I'm sure we would've gotten some Charlie and the Chocolate Factory stuff in Book 6.