The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Why the fuck is this chapter called "History Lessons III"? The previous two had Lithmenar's dumb backstory infodumps. This chapter here is just von-Peasantkicking-centric.

RiffingShow

Louis groggily lifted his head up, finding that he couldn't move his arms or legs. He remembered that the position was a familiar one, seeing as that was what he had been in before the intense anime dream that he and Indow had experienced only a few moments ago.

He should seriously stop trying to phrase shit in a more "eloquent" way. It just results in tortured sentence constructs.

As his eyes fluttered open, he smiled as he saw that Indow and he were not alone in the cell, but the unrestrained forms of Jordahn and White Raven shared the prison with them.

See what I mean? Just say "As his eyes fluttered open, he smiled as he recognized Jordn and White Raven before him."

The way he phrases it makes it sound like these two waifus are ready to bust out a finishing move.

"I said are you all right? We don't know how long you've been unconscious," she said to him.

Does it matter? Can't be longer than the last time you've seen him. You want the exact amount of minutes or something?

"I- I'm fine... sort of. What are you two doing here?" he asked as White Raven began to slip a key into his leg restraints.

"Rescuing you," Jordahn answered as she cut open the magic-suppressing coverings that had been over Indow's hands.

That works too, I guess.
Also apparently Indow's just fine?

"That's two you owe me now, by the way."

Are you alluding to that Terafella interrogation room from last book? That one doesn't count. Dude could've literally just walked out of it himself because that was when his power level was at its peak and he was literally unstoppable.

He took a quick look around, seeing that King Lithores, the two Linkaran Priests, and the guards were all unconscious. Louis looked back over to Indow, who was standing up and tossing away the chains that had bound her. Jordahn gave her some water to wash away any remaining metal dust from her hands.

"Your doing?" Louis asked.

White Raven shook her head. "They were like this when we found them. It appears that they were knocked unconscious by some sort of burst of magic, as evident by the marks on the wall."

Indow blushed. "Yeah, I believe that I might have had something to do with that..."

Indow once again saves the day by doing everything.

"Any luck finding Lithmenar? They probably put him somewhere else," Louis pointed out.

Nothing escapes your notice, Sherlock

"No such luck as of yet. We focused on infiltrating the dungeon when we realized something had gone wrong. What happened, anyway?" White Raven queried.

When and how did you notice that something has gone wrong? Did the negotiators not report back to you after an agreed-upon time? Did Indow's acid trip cause some kind of laser light show outside? Did the royal family laugh so hard you could hear it from the stables?

"Long story short: the Royal Family is a bunch of dicks."

That's not exactly new information.
Why not "The Royal Family is using mind control drugs to pacify the population"? That wouldn't even be the weirdest shit you've said in this book.

"Let's find Lithmenar and the jewels so we can get out of this place," Louis said as they began walking out of the dungeon cell.

The jewels? why would they be here? As far as we all know they were stolen by someone (aka totally Thesia).

"What about starting the resistance among the people?" Jordahn inquired as they walked along, getting one of her smaller axes ready in case she needed to use it against any guards along the way.

Why would you need to start a resistance? The king is lying unconscious before your feet. You have already won.
And I'm pretty sure I've asked this before, but how many fucking axes do you have?

"That's not going to be as easy as we originally thought it would be. It seems that the Royal Family puts some drug into the water supply that breaks everyone's will to rebel."

I see that "Long story short" was most useful. Dude had to further elaborate with his very next breath.

They tried to use it against us, but I think we're different enough from the normal human population here. It didn't affect us more than cause some headaches and nausea.

If only. If only...

(I wonder if he decided to avoid mentioning WTF happened in this mind battle chapter, just to minimize the amount of rewrites he'd have to do in case he got a call from a lawyer.)

Frankly, as pissed off as I am about the Royal Family, I'm sick of acting as the Messiah to people, and I just want to go home," Louis stated as they cleared the dungeon, walked up a flight of stairs, and were back in the castle itself.

You should compress your usual whining and bitching into a single sentence like this more often. Would save me a lot of pain and suffering.

The four made their way through the castle, avoiding guards or areas that had people in them.

Why would you have to avoid anything if you...
Wait.
They didn't take the unconscious king hostage.

After telling them the long version of what had happened, Louis constantly checked the ceilings to make sure that no more Gethric powder fell down and brought them back to where they had been before.

I think he's just paranoid. Does he even know what to look out for?

Indow pinpointed Lithmenar's location within a room down the corridor, so the four hurriedly sneaked over to it and got ready. Louis went in first and quickly kicked the door in, breaking off the lock.

The shattered remains of the three-year-old princess would later be found under the door.

The four rushed into Lithmenar's bedroom, weapons raised and ready. Lithmenar sat on his bed, staring out the window that was across the room from him.

Lithmenar doesn't give a fuck if you kick down his door.

The others went around, searching parts of the room for hidden guards as Louis approached Lithmenar, who had yet to acknowledge the presence of the others.

How big is this room, exactly? And did Lithmenar drink the weed flower tea, too? One does not simply ignore having your door kicked in.

"Lithie?" Louis questioned, putting his hand in front of Lithmenar's eyes and snapping his fingers twice.

"Is he all right?" Jordahn asked as she stood guard inside the doorway, listening for anyone who might be coming down the hallway.

"I'm not sure... it's almost like he's in a catatonic state," Louis observed.

Lithmenar slowly looked over at Louis and shook his head.

"No," he said, "I'm fine, guys. I've just been thinking a great deal."

I don't care how much you're thinking about your loli sister. If someone kicks down your door, you should at least get startled.

"Well, you can think later! We have to get out of here now before the Royal Family closes this place down!" Louis stated.

Man, if only you could take one of those two hostage...

Lithmenar shook his head once more. "You guys can leave, but I'm staying."

"What madness is this, thief?! Have you been drinking the life giver?!" Jordahn exclaimed.

Lithmenar once again shook his head to indicate a 'no.' "I have a sister."

The four stared at him, surprised by the revelation.

Joking aside, what's with the surprise? Dude was gone for years, and the royal bloodline won't continue itself.

"I- I have a sister that I never knew about. I can't just leave her here to be shaped into what my parents want her to become."

Except that's exactly what you're doing. You think they'll let you anywhere near here if you start poisoning her mind with your crazy ideas about egalitarianism and atheism?

"However, she's too young to leave. I survived outside of this place through a lot of pain and hardship... She's innocent from all of that. I can't allow her to have to endure the things I had to."

She won't have to suffer as much like you did, because her young age lets her adapt faster and she has an actual "support system" (to use Current Year lingo) in the form of you and the rest of the gang.
Admit it, you just want her to be old enough to steal for herself so you don't have to share your loot.

"However, if I'm here, I can teach her behind closed doors. I can let her know the truth about this place and the world."

Even on the off chance that your parents somehow don't already suspect you planning shit like this, how long do you think a three-year-old will be able to keep this a secret?

"Three years away from me has softened the hearts of my parents... I may even be able to convince them of the merits of reform."

They've softened? What where they like before? Did they like to rape their naked catgirl slave instead of just parading her around?

"Even if I'm unable to convince them, I will need to assume responsibility for my land and do the changes that should have been made long ago."

As soon as they have another male heir - and trust me, they will try - they'll find a way to dispose of you.
Fuck, they'll probably dispose of you anyways if thinks look dire enough. They'll most likely marry their daughter off to another asshole, so the kingdom will be in "good" hands.

Lithmenar smiled and looked up at them. "I can do such good here, you guys. Not just for myself, but for my sister, as well. She'll be happier here, and maybe I'll be happier here, too. I hope you understand."

Lithmenar's future:

Louis half-smiled and put his hand on Lithmenar's shoulder.

He then promptly used his other hand to smack Lithmenar across the face.

"That has got to be the dumbest thing I have EVER HEARD!" Louis shouted. "Where in the hell have you been these past few years?! You called them monsters before, demons that will never change and never relent! Now you're saying that you can play your little magic flute and assume they'll fall in line?! Lithmenar, nothing of what I've seen shows that they're going to change! If anything, things are going to get worse!"

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! A sensible and justified temper tantrum from Linkara?!
Though why is it necessary? Lithmenar has been preaching the never-ending evil of nobility in general - and his parents in particular - all series, and now just because he has a loli sister he's all like "Maybe I can fix them"?

"Now, in case you haven't noticed, we're standing around in the stronghold of the enemy and I want my way home! If you'll kindly get off your ass, we can get moving and actually do something useful for a change!"

Or just let him rot in his golden cage?
And since when did you ever care about Lithmenar being useful? I know that's why you "hired" him to begin with, but for the most part you didn't really care if he did anything more than existing.
Oh, and agreeing with you, of course.

Louis sighed and panted a little, his throat getting a little dry from the rant he had directed at Lithmenar.

Dude, that one didn't even have half as much oomph as the unecessary struggle session you ran Indow through.

The thief blinked and looked around himself for a moment, shrugging. He grabbed his throwing knives from the table beside the bed and placed them in their holsters as the five began to walk out.

Linkara has trained him well.

However, before they had fully made it out of the room, the sound of a faraway explosion caught their attentions. They ran over to the window and looked off into the city, seeing a huge pillar of fire rise up not half a mile away.

Looks like the fifth columnists have started a bit early.

"I think it came from the Well Distributor, where all the life giver comes in from the nearby river and is distributed to the peasants..." Lithmenar pointed out.

Lazy fuck. Grab a bucket and go to the river yourselves.

"Oh, dear..." White Raven said, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"What?" Louis asked.

"I believe we have been deceived," White Raven said, narrowing her eyes and glaring at the rising smoke from the city.

"What do you mean?" Jordahn queried.

Glad to see White Raven doing something other than being paranoid about Myrrha summoning Cthulhu (while doing nothing to stop her).
And don't tell me the assassins aren't peace-loving hippies!

"Louis, what if you weren't the first outsider to learn of the effect the life giver had on the people? What if, in fact, the assassins have known all along, but haven't had an opportunity before to do anything about it?" White Raven suggested.

Well, I'd say they likely got the intel from the thieves' guild - because as I've already ranted before the thieves' guild wouldn't exist in the first place if they didn't know about it.

Louis glared, as well. "I think I see where you're going with this."

I'm sure you do.
I bet the explanation of the plan will be stupid, though.

"The assassins tricked us. They made us risk our lives to distract the Royal Family's eye away from protecting their assets to their returned son. Hirode did assure us that they never take hostages," Jordahn growled.

• So not having any of their own join in this little peace talk was intentional. And you never found that odd?
• How does distracting the royal family help in any of this? This isn't a RTS where the player can't keep an eye of every place at once. They have loyal minions who can do the asset protection without their constant oversight.
  I would like to add "This is literally what feudalism is all about", but as I've also ranted before we have yet to actually see any sign of feudalism being an actual thing on Sin.
• What does taking hostages have to do with anything? And why would they? They're assassins.

"Why take hostages, anyway? It's easier to manipulate people to do what you want. This was never a mission of peace. Ha! This wasn't even a mission to form a rebellion against the Royal Family. This was all their way of striking at the Royal Family's hold on Sam Tun Fahl," Lithmenar laughed, realizing what had happened.

Lithmenar, the guy who knows the royal family better than anyone, has said from the start this "mission of peace" is pointless.
And don't tell me that destroying the mind control drug dispensary wouldn't have been one of the first things you guys were gonna to do once you made it out of the castle.

Louis sighed and shook his head, turning away from the window. "Come on, let's get what we came for, provided the assassins didn't lie about that, too."

What the fuck are you talking about?

*

The five made their way through the weaving corridors of the castle, following Lithmenar's instructions for the location of the Royal jewels.

The jewels were never stolen in the first place?!


Are fucking kidding? Remember that they told the theft story before Linkara pissed them off. Are you telling me they already didn't believe he was the real Linkara back then? Or that they lied to their messiah?
This has to be another lie of the assassins. I refuse to accept this.

They were kept in a hidden chamber of the castle along with the various other physical forms of currency that made up the economy of the land of Sam Tun Fahl.

You mean coins?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to buy some writing devices using various physical forms of currency, so I can write things down while I relax on my furniture designed for sitting.

Lithmenar had been shown the chamber only once when he was young, but he had always remembered where it was in case he ever felt the need to stare at the shining brilliance of all of the pieces of metal.

But you never did? It's a secret room full of cool shit. Did your parents drop you one too many times or something?

They were met with very little resistance, surprisingly enough.

Methinks the king being MIA and the terrorist attack keep everyone a bit occupied.

Occasionally, they'd run into some cleaner or slave, but they were so engaged with the task before them that they didn't pay any notice to the five people running [sic] their hallways.

What? You're not even gonna tell me how many of them are naked? Are they all naked, or is that a special privilege for the catgirl?

The five figured that the majority of the guards had been sent to the Well Distributor to deal with the attack, but considering all of the things that had happened to them over the past month, the five weren't expecting things to be very easy, particularly when it came to their escape, which required first to escape from the castle, then escape from the city, followed by escape from the land, and finally escape to safe ground where the ritual could be performed without interruption.

I still have to see one good reason why you're so scared of the guards and Rohirim.
And this is nothing Indow couldn't solve by doing everything herself. Again.

And all of that, of course, first required that the Netersao jewels were where they were supposed to be.

I would be very stupid for that to be the case, so it probably is.

The chamber's entrance was located in one of the various hallways of the castle that resembled any other similar one.

Do you expect a big "TREASURE ROOM" sign?

There was a portrait of some figure in the history of Sam Tun Fahl or someone with religious influence in the Linkaran order on one wall while the opposite wall consisted of a series of torches that illuminated the hallway.

I'm pretty sure it'd be easy to tell if this guy was of the clergy. They tend to have distinctive dress codes.
And shouldn't this be an ancestor of the von Peasantkickings?

Lithmenar smiled as he found the correct portrait that indicated the hallway was where the chamber was. He began by counting off three stones away from the middle of the portrait and then another three down, pressing against the piece of stone that was a part of the wall. The stone moved in only slightly, but Lithmenar smiled, nonetheless.

Building secret doors appears to be a popular pastime for Peasantkickings of every social status.

"You know, I once spent a few days doing this to as many hallways as I could to see if there were any other secret passages. Fortunately, the designers of this castle were not fools to simply place hidden entrances wherever they saw fit and only put one in."

What does the number of secret passages have to do with the architect's IQ?

If I had to guess, the original intent of the room was to act as a final line of defense if the Royal Family couldn't escape, a place to hide and wait out help. However, seeing as that the only major conflicts that Sam Tun Fahl has had over the past few centuries have been with the assassins, who never gave enough time for one to escape to the room, anyway, they decided to convert it into the place to store their most cherished possession: their wealth.

So they turned the family panic room into a vault. Sounds a bit impractial unless they plan to never actually use their wealth, but whatever.

Lithmenar proceeded to walk over to the torch nearest to the hallway they had come from and pulled it to the right, the torch suddenly going out. He then counted down another three bricks down from the torch and pressed in, moving the brick a minor centimeter again. To finish off the combination, Lithmenar approached the painting and pulled it off of the wall, tossing it away without a second thought to the damage he probably caused to it.

Philistine.

He found the middle brick, the one that was in the dead center of the wall and promptly pressed in on the brick three to the right of it. This brick moved in entirely as the wall opposite of it opened up, the stone shifting up into the ceiling, to make a door-sized entryway to appear.

I can see why this never worked out as a panic room.
How about making it open with one button press, but add a mechanism that lets you lock the whole room down from the inside?

Piles of gold coins littered the floor, covering everything with a distinctive shine. The room was entirely made of stone, used because if the candles that lit the room ever fell over, it would not cause a fire that would engulf the riches.

• How about putting those coins into chests or sacks?
• Are you implying the rest of this palace is mostly wood?
• Why are there lit candles in this secret treasure room? Does the naked catgirl slave have to go through the whole door opening ceremony multiple times per day to make sure that the candles are still burning? Is that why she has to be naked? So she has a harder time swiping some of the various physical forms of currency for herself?

Besides the standard gold coins used as currency in the land, various gemstones were mixed throughout the moderately sized room. Rubies and emeralds were mixed with amethyst and topaz, glittering brightly in reflection of the five candles occupying the room. Although the piles of money covered almost every square inch of the floor, a path had been cleared to navigate around the mounds of cash and reach the back, where, on a single metallic column, was a set of jewelry.

Is the royal family a bunch of hoarders, or why does this room look like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin?

The jewelry was in multiple pieces, split between the King and Queen's.

Shouldn't they have two columns to keep their swag separate?

The Queen's side of the jewelry contained a pair of golden bracelets that had a single piece of sapphire jewelry in their center with a ring of emeralds studded around the center sapphire. Indow approached the column and looked at the bracelets, smiling at the jewel in their center.

"I recognize the jewel from the descriptions given in Netersao's journals," Indow identified.

The jewels were never stolen to begin with?
The jewels were never stolen to begin with.
The jewels were never stolen to begin with?!

"Take as many as you can. We might need a few in case we screw it up the first time," Louis suggested.

Dude, Indow might be borderline retarded when it comes to understanding board games, but she's the only one in your party who gets shit done (especially in this book where you are surprisingly useless), so don't give her superfluous orders like that.

They packed the jewels away into their bags and ran back to the hallway, not even bothering to close the chamber behind them as they made their escape.

I wouldn't bother to repeat that stupid puzzle, either.

Lithmenar, however, stayed behind to take as much of the gold of the Royal family as he could carry, hoping that it might come in handy later if they needed to make arrangements to go back to Ai before they could perform the spell.

Of course our 1337 thief doesn't go for the gems and jewels that have a much higher profit-to-weight ratio.

After he caught up with the others, the five weaved their way through the corridors, wincing when Lithmenar told them that the quickest route out of the castle would be through the Great Hall.

Just get to the ground floor and jump out of the nearest window. Lithmenar used one before, so I know they exist in this palace.
What the fuck is this, a CRPG where you have to use the designated exit points?

As they finally arrived at the Hall where the King and Queen normally governed Sam Tun Fahl, there was an increase in the amount of guards in their way. However, the five that were protecting the Great Hall were dispatched with ease thanks to the superior archery skills of White Raven and the flashing glint of Louis' blades.

The guards that caused them to shit their pants and run like little bitches last time. Dispatched with so little effort we don't even get an actual fight scene.

When the guards were out of the way, the five stormed through the doors into the Hall and quickly turned to the left to simply escape through the other doors into the Hall. However, the King and Queen were already ready for them.

The king.
Who was at their mercy a few minutes ago.
Which no one in the fellowship appeared to have noticed.

Louis knew that they wouldn't listen to what he had to say, but he hoped he could buy time for the others to think of a plan, so he stepped forward to speak to the King and Queen.

What could you say in this situation? "Thanks for the jewels! So long, suckers!"?

"Your majesties, if you would kindly step aside, we will take our leave of you and I give my word that you'll never see us again!" he promised.

You forgot to thank them for the jewels.

"The word of a lying, scheming toad like you means very little to me. I hope that someday the Linkara will find you and cut out your throat for daring to even speak his name!" Menarar growled.

"You people really are stupid, you know that?" Louis grumbled in response.

Maybe you can convince them if you transform and brutalize their guards.

"Lithmenar, you still choose to associate with this filth?! Have you no decency left in you?!" Lithores wanted to know.

"I could ask the same of you! Even when you thought that the kid was the Linkara, the one chosen savior whom you claim to worship, you lied about the location of the jewels he needed so you could push your own agenda! You are hypocrites to your very faith and you are terrible leaders for this land! The Netersao jewels will enable Louis to go home, so I showed him where they were," Lithmenar responded.

Did Linkara (the author) just blame characters in his book for his plot holes?

Shit doesn't even make sense. So they lied to their own messiah in hopes that he'll...

• ... enact Total Assassin Death.
• ... never ask any of the assassins about the jewels.
• ... doesn't get pissed af at them if he finds out they lied to him.

"So be it, my son. We had hoped that the years wallowing in the dirt of the world would have shown you the error of your ways, but it seems it has seeped into your blood and corrupted you!"

If he had wanted to come back, he would've done so on his own.

"We wanted to do this as a last resort, but you have forced our hand. Prince Lithmenar, for aiding and associating with thieves, threatening the life of the King and Queen, and for aiding, abetting, and associating with criminal imposters, you are hereby sentenced to exile from this land! If you attempt to enter it again, you will be summarily executed! Never return to Sam Tun Fahl!"

That literally changes nothing for him. He never wanted to return, anyways. They had to drag him back to Peasantkicking whining and bitching the entire way.

Lithmenar stared at his parents, a blank look on his face. Suddenly and without warning, his face began to twist into a smile and giggles escaped his lips. He then quickly burst out laughing, everyone staring at him in confusion because of his reaction.

I get that his parents might be confused at this joke of a punishment, but his nakama should know better.

"You fools! That's what I've always wanted! I never want to come back to this place ever again! All I've ever wanted ever since you murdered Analee was to be free of you and your sadistic monarchy!"

See?

"We shall part with you today, Lithmenar, but not the imposter or his accomplices! They have committed acts of aggression against the Royal Order of Sam Tun Fahl and we will not tolerate their presence any more!" Menarar stated.

The fuck is this "Royal Order"?

"What about the assassins? I'd say you have your hands full right now trying to clean up the mess they caused at your Aquafina factory," Louis reminded them.

Is "Aquafina" supposed to be the name of the drug or something? This is the only time this term pops up in the entire series. That editor sure did her job.

"We have no need for worry there... We have already caught one of the perpetrators of the act!" Lithores replied.

And that changes everything. Somehow.
I'd say it's either Hirode, or Enrique Iglesias. They're literally the only assassin and thief that actually exist for both guilds.

The King snapped his fingers, signaling the guards behind him. The King and Queen stepped to the side as a group of guards walked up and tossed Enrike, beaten and bleeding, out onto the ground in front of them.

I see the assassins love convincing idiots to do their dirty work for them.

Despite the pain the injuries were causing him, he looked up and smiled at the group.

"Hey, guys. It seems I've gotten into trouble with authority figures once again," he laughed.

Dude, you might just die within the next 5 minutes or so. Start taking things seriously.

"He was hiding in a corner when we found him."

Instead of using his 1337 parkour skills to escape over the roofs? Or was that Analee's unique animu power?

"The cowardly thief will pay for his crimes, but he revealed to our interrogators very quickly where the assassins are hiding."

These thieves really love to rat people out.
Sure, they get the shit beaten out of them until they sing, but these guys style themselves as la resistence. Have some bloody honor and integrity, dammit.

Enrike rolled over and looked up at the King. "Tell me, your highness, do you ever get flustered with the thought of death?"

He's gonna free himself with some sick thief skill that probably involves date rape drugs, right?

The King glared down at Enrike and spat at his face, not replying. Enrike smiled and closed his eyes.

"I suppose not, then," he whispered.

And with that, Enrike suddenly leapt to his feet, the bounds on his wrists cut free thanks to a throwing knife in his hands.

They took the time to beat the shit out of him until not even his own mother could recognize him, but they never properly frisked him.

The archers released their arrows at their target, but it was too late. Enrike tossed the knife at the King before flipping backwards and evading the arrows.

You know those archers can just aim for where you'll end up after your cool backflip?
And I guess the king is toast.

However, just as the knife was about to him, the King brought up his hands and caught the weapon's blade between them masterfully as he was glaring at the thief. Enrike, for a change, stopped smiling and stared expressionless at the ruler.

"I did not survive as the King of Sam Tun Fahl for this long without reason, thief!" he roared as he tossed the knife back at Enrike.

Shit. This must be one of those D&D campaign settings where all kings are level 18-20 badasses.

Enrike dodged to the left, the knife barely coming near him as it embedded itself in the floor. Just as Enrike was about to make another quip, several arrows shot down from the ceiling and planted themselves into the chests and heads of guards. Looking up, the assembled group saw five assassins, all female, leap down from the glass ceiling of the Great Hall and land in front of the guards.

I see Enrike's intel was worth every punch.

(I assume the Bad End Pretty Cures exist so someone else can kill people for our heroes.)

They attacked quickly, slicing away at their opponents before the guards had time to react. And so the disjointed battle began, the assassins making their way towards the King and Queen while Louis and the others tried to force their way through the guards in order to reach the exits.

Linkara once again wins by doing nothing.

When an assassin finally made it to the Queen, Menarar simply grabbed the assassin by the throat and squeezed for dear life.

I didn't expect Lithmenar's dad to be into female brick shithouses.

The assassin tried to use her blades and flailing limbs to repel her attacker, but the Queen dodged every attempt made on her life while still keeping her grasp on the assassin's throat.

Apparently it never occured this elite assassin to stab her arm.
Though maybe Queen von Peasantkicking is built like Rayman.

Another assassin tried to aid her compatriot, but when she tossed a dagger at Menarar, Menarar responded by putting the assassin's backside into the path of the dagger, forcing the weapon down into her back.

Trained to combat six people at once my ass. This is a fucking amateur hour.

The Queen tossed away the assassin and looked to her husband, who was busy combating Louis.

Oh, I spoke too soon about Linkara getting out of this scot-free.

Louis honestly didn't want to kill the man, even in spite of all the things he knew he had done.

Because you're a giant pussy in this book.

Louis was simply sick and tired of the constant battles and wanted to get him out of the way so he could get to the exit and get to safety.

Just do your flying mule kick from last book or something and get this over with.

"Impudent whelp!" King Lithores growled at Louis, clashing his sword with Louis' blades. "Do you feel proud that you have assisted these murderous vermin?! I hope you're happy!"

Oh no, he's trying to make Linkara feel bad about himself. The fiend!

Louis rolled his eyes and went down to the ground, trying a sweeping kick to the King, but the man simply jumped up to avoid it.

"You know, for a guy who managed to gain the power of a land and rule over it for so long, you're as dumb as toast." Louis replied.

I mean, he obviously has a very min-maxed Fighter build. Probably dumped the fuck out of his INT.

"How pathetic for the worm to-"

The King failed to finish his sentence as Louis rammed his fist into Lithores' belly, pushing all the air out of him. Louis then proceeded to slam his knee between the man's legs. As the King cried out in pain, Louis pushed him by the shoulders so that he was lying on his back.

Oh ho ho~. A ball-busting knee strike. That's a new one I think.

"Would you just shut up for once in your life?! My God, you claim to be so superior to me, insulting me at every opportunity you have! I've got news for you, pal - things are falling apart around you. If you royalty folks are so perfect, then how come one of you could get so corrupted in the first place, like Lithmenar supposedly did?"

Great. Now's the time where Linkara destroys him using facts and logic.
Pretty sure he's just pissed that the king doesn't respect his authority.

The King rolled to the side and jumped up, tossing away his robes and reclaiming his sword. He swung at Louis, but Louis grabbed hold of the blade with his gauntlet and smiled.

Bloody hell. That king has balls of steel.

And does pointing out that he grabbed it with his gauntlet imply Linkara hasn't actually transformed yet? If he has the full armor he probably wouldn't have to specify it like that.

Louis crushed the metal of the blade easily thanks to the enhanced strength of the armor.

"Why don't you just mel-"

Louis released the blade and swung his right fist across Lithores' face, punching him.

"-low-"

He punched him again, this time with his left fist.

"-OUT!"

There was one final punch, again with the right fist, that finally brought the King down and panting as blood trickled down from his nose and lip.

This might be somewhat cool in a comic. In text form it's mostly annoying to read.
And considering you have enough super-strength to casually crush metal, a single punch should've been enough to knock the king out (and break his skull).

By this time, three more of the original five assassins had been killed, although they hadn't fallen easily. Sixteen soldiers lay dead with them, leaving only a few to contend with Louis and his companions.

I guess it's moderately close to their supposed power level, but it doesn't look very good considering they had the element of surprise.

The Queen also still stood, getting ready to assault the final assassin.

What the fuck is the deal with this bitch? Is she a level 20 Monk or something?

However, the assassin instead managed to dodge her away around the remaining soldiers and kicked Louis in the side, knocking him away. The female assassin reached down and pulled the King up, putting his back to her as she brought a knife to his throat.

"Surrender immediately or I shall cut him from ear to ear!" she threatened.

Someone finally thinks about taking the king hostage - and of course it's not our heroes.

"Surrender immediately or I shall cut him from ear to ear!" she threatened.

The soldiers looked to the Queen for guidance. Menarar nodded and the soldiers lowered their swords and bows. The assassin grinned and slowly began walking towards the doorway, dragging the King along with her. Louis narrowed his eyes at the assassin as he got up, his blades retracted into his gauntlets.

Linkara's pissed he didn't think of this before.

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it? To use us as a distraction to both sabotage the water system and assassinate the Royal Family at the same time?" Louis inquired.

You would've gladly helped with the former if they'd told you about it.
Plus they're assassins. They solve problems by killing people. It's what they do.

The assassin nodded. "You played your part very well."

Not to harp on your little keikaku here, but methinks that regicide is a lot easier if the place isn't on red alert.

"Were you going to assassinate the entire Royal Family? Including the daughter?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Only the son could remain because of his allegiance to the Thieves," the assassin answered.

They have to specify that they also plan a little lolicide. So we know they're bad people.
As if being hired killers and borderline death cultists wasn't enough of an indication already.

The instant that the assassin had finished her words, Lithmenar moved faster than one would think possible. He pulled from his pocket a small metallic ball and tossed it with perfect accuracy at the assassin's mouth.

Great. Even the knife-throwing thief is using non-lethal weapons now.

The ball swept past her lips and teeth and lodged itself in her throat. The assassin gagged and momentarily released her grip on the King, but the moment was all he needed. The King brought his hand up and moved the dagger at his throat out of the way, allowing him enough room to escape her grasp.

She's pretty bad at swallowing.

The assassin gagged and desperately tried to either swallow the ball or throw it up out of her throat, but it wasn't moving.

It's too thick for her.

Lithmenar growled and tapped the front of her throat, an action that caused the sphere to come flying out of her mouth and away from the two. Lithmenar then put his hand at her throat and held it there, his other hand keeping a knife against her belly.

Now this looks more like date rape minus the drug.

His face could not have looked any more angered or enraged if he tried.

"Stop struggling for a moment, Assassin!"

"You will not die here today. You are here to carry on a warning back to your entire people."

Probably "Never get between me and my sister ever again!"

"I still have plenty of contacts within this land, people who will inform me of events occurring in it. There are those who owe me great enough favors that they would tell me anything I wanted to know and they'd do it very quickly. It would not take months to reach me; it would be a matter of hours or days."

That's... bullshit? The only form of contact you had was Enrike, and he knew neither about the drugs in the water, nor your sister.
As far as we know, at least.

"If I hear that my sister, the one whom the angels of heaven have named Lauralen, has suffered anything so much as a scraped knee or a pulled muscle, I will hunt down every last assassin in your Guild and kill them. I will not deviate from my task nor will I fail in it. Do you understand?"

Did you just paraphrase Poe's The Raven at the start here?
And you think that's gonna impress the assassins?

"Holy shit, gals. We better leave the loli alone. This Lithmenar is one badass motherfucker!"

The assassin looked into Lithmenar's eyes. She saw the seriousness, the determination, and the brutal honesty that showed her that he was not exaggerating his point and would certainly make good on the threat if the conditions were met. She slowly nodded, for the first time in her life quite frightened of death.

"You don't understand! He looked really, really mean when he said it!"

Lithmenar leapt off of her and pointed his knife at Lithores.

"The same goes for you, as well, father..."

And then he aimed it at Menarar. "...and you, mother."

Why should they harm her? They're just gonna raise her to hate the helots and the likes of you, like any upstanding von Peasantkicking would.

The assassin saw her opportunity to escape and winced, conflicted for a moment as to whether she should try to finish her mission or simply escape.

At least try to plunge something hard and long into Lithmenar.

However, she knew that doing such a thing would put her own life at risk, so she opted for survival over accomplishment.

What happened to "We only care about killing?"

As such, she jumped up, took hold of a high candle post, swung up and grabbed onto the edge of the shattered glass ceiling with her legs. She pulled herself up onto the roof of the Great Hall and disappeared.

You probably could've run out through the main entrance in half the time.
Also nice that the archers weren't paying attention.

Lithores and Menarar looked over to Louis and the others and smiled, each of them still in relatively perfect fighting condition.

Why are you smiling?

Lithores said," You have saved our lives, Lithmenar. We are grateful for such a thing. We shall not halt your exile, but you and your friends may leave the land immediately, provided that we never see you-"

"You won't," Louis interrupted.

And with that, the five slowly made their way out of the palace and of Sam Tun Fahl, dragging an unconscious Enrike along with them.

And with that, our heroes allowed the tyrannical regime to rule another day.

(And they just left the loli sister with her asshole parents. Unless they kidnap her between chapters.)

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 3, Chapter 18 - The Wings
(Or: The Waiting)



So, err, the great Lithmenar story arc that has been going on in one form or another since the very first book just kinda ended without any meaningful change to the status quo. I'm glad I was able to be part of this wonderful journey.
Well, at least we're in the home stretch for this travesty of a book. Let's see what other plot threads will be tied up with not a bang, but a whimper, shall we?

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember:

• Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
• The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

The most generous way to describe the previous chapter would probably be "Linkara wanted an 'epic' fight scene and betrayal, but had no idea how to get there".

So Linkara and Indow (who are both perfectly fine after their Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Letdown) are rescued by Raven and Gyaru Casca (who somehow knew they were in need help, where they were, and how to get there without alerting the palace guard).
The wicked King of Peasantkicking and his guards have been knocked out cold by whatever the fuck Indow has been doing IRL when she was tripping balls. Instead of congratulating themselves for having captured the most valuable hostage in the entire realm they just piss off and let the king wake up to summon his guards.


This is "Linkara runs away from a lazor beam that has just been shown to be useless against him" all over again. Linkara (the author) just wanted a certain set piece, and he didn't care if the road to that set piece makes no sense within the context of the story.

"HMMMM, I need the king ready for the final battle, but he's lying on the ground. And I can't remove him from the cell scene because I need him to gloat and explain his plan... that's it! Linkara and his friends just ignore him and walk away! Oh, the cleverness of me!"

And here are just some quick ideas on how to make this less dumb:

• The king never got knocked out in the first place because he GTFO the instant Indow started turning into a Daemonhost. He and his goons managed to have quite the back-and-forth before they got knocked out, so there was definitely time to make a run for it.
• They actually do take him hostage, but he manages to escape - likely by appealing to Lithmenar's newfound "I can fix them" attitude (more on that in a moment)

Indow's ever-convenient tracking spells leads them to Lithmenar, who has gone completely out-of-character thanks to his loli sister and is trying to convince himself that he can fix his parents.
Fortunately, Linkara's pimp hand strikes fast and true, and he rejoins the party without embarassing himself further

(Fuck, I just realize I could've used the legendary Bright Slap for this. Oh well, maybe next time.)

Their further escape is momentarily interrupted by the city's "Well Distributor" (aka the water reservoir that gets laced with the mind control drug) blowing up, and the fellowship quickly figures out the assassin's have been trolling them.
So apparently the assassin's have already been aware of the mind control drug (likely from their thief buddies, because they wouldn't exist otherwise), and have decided to disrupt its distribution to I guess kickstart the glorious revolution or something. Linkara's little negotation team merely served as a "distraction". Somehow. Does blowing up a power plant become easier if you send your ambassador to a meeting with the president as a "distraction"?
I guess now it makes sense why they've sent out Linkara and his minions alone without any real representative of the assassins' or thieves' guild. But why did our heroes never find this weird?
Personally they could've just told Linkara about the drugs, and he'd probably done it himself. No reason to get their own hands dirty.

They make it to the secret treasure room, and it turns out the Stargate jewels have never been stolen in the first place.


Lithmenar later tries to explain this bizarre plot hole by calling his dad a hypocrite for lying to his own messiah.
One, you don't really need this nonsensical setup to call out your dad for being an asshole. The naked catgirl slave alone should serve this point just fine.
Two, what was their original plan supposed to be? Hope that Militant Fantasy Jesus will be too tired from killing so many assassins to come for your ass once he figures out you've pranked him?

The thrilling escape gets cut short when they run into the royal family and an entire warband of guards. Before the showdown can begin Lithmenar's parents formally exile him, which he finds hilarious. His argumentation's worded a bit weird. He frames the exil as them doing him a favor, even though it changes nothing for him since he never wanted to return in the first place. It's like banning Trump or Rowling from attending pride parades. They don't give a fuck.

The fight - and a short reunion with Enrike - gets cut short when five assassin waifus crash the scene in a surprisingly amateurish surprise attack for what are supposedly the most elite killers on Sin.
I'm also not sure why they blew up the reservoir before attempting a regicide. That's just gonna put the whole palace on high alert.
Come to think of it, sending a diplomatic envoy also tends to heighten security measures. In fact the only actual "distraction" the fellowship served was knocking out the king during the brawl so one of the assassin chicks can take him hostage to try and escape.

The fight is pretty darn bizarre, all thanks to Lithmenar's parents. In previous books fights involving authority figures tended to have them be total pushovers in the face of the mighty Linkara.
Not this time. Seems Linkara (the author) has catched TV Tropes brain rot and gone for the "Authority Equals Asskicking" trope for this book. At least that's the only explanation I can think of.
I mean, sure, I can get that the king would be a competent swordfighter. But the dude can also catch knives like he's a fucking wulin or something, and he can recover from having his balls busted in a matter of seconds.
But he has nothing on his wife. You'd think she'd be completely useless in a fight considering the kind of society Peasantkicking is supposed to be, but apparently she's a roided up butch amazon warrior queen who can casually choke a bitch and lift her up with one hand.


But that's not all. She can also effortlessly "dodge" the knife stabs coming from the chocked bitch. The only way I could even begin to visualize this involves her rapidly swapping her choke hand, which is up there with Baki the Grappler in terms of ridiculous martial arts nonsense.
Doesn't help this is the closest feat I could think of:


As already mentioned, one of the assassin chicks (the last one still standing, in fact) takes the king hostage to GTFO - but not before revealing for absolutely no reason that the assassins also plan to kill Lithmenar's loli sister.
This naturally sends Lithmenar into a blind fury. Now he does the bitch choking, though he does set her free - but not before giving her a "If you guys so much as look at my sister funny - and trust me, I will know - I'm gonna come for all of y'all!" type warning.
This is some schoolyard-tier bullshit bluff that probably doesn't even work against bullies, let alone an organization of hired killer that has operatives all over the world.
If they feel nice they'll just send a few dozen people to kill him. If they feel less nice they'll kidnap his sister and mail her to him, one body part at a time.
But no, the narration ensures us that the assassin chick is utterly terrified, and fully believes this little shit with his little knives is capable of killing every motherfucking assassin on this motherfucking planet.


And then our heroes just piss off.
They don't beat the shit out of the royal family and declare their terror regime over, which is bound to result in a bloody war and/or revolution.
They don't take Lithmenar's loli sister with her (who was strangely absent from this chapter for how important she is to him now), which will no doubt end with her getting shanked by assassins or raped to death by the revolutionaries.
They don't even free the naked catgirl slave (which Linkara would've totally done if only Indow had told him about her before he saw her for the first time; now it's too late I guess )


This entire fucking plotline doesn't even resolve. All that has changed is that Lithmenar now knows that he has a loli sister. That's fucking it.
Oh, and he effectively declared war on the assassins, but they're too busy pissing their pants at the thought of Big Dick Lithmenar coming to town.

Worldbuilding tidbits

• The drug made from the still unnamed weed flower may or may not be called "Aquafina". Probably just an editing slip-up, as this term only shows up once in the entire series and is never explained.
• Clever architects on Sin only build a single secret room for each castle or palace.
  • They can't be that clever, though, because this secret treasure room was originally desigend as a panic room, and it doesn't look very useful for that task because opening it requires going through a fucking Sierra puzzle involving pressing multiple buttons in different places in the right order. Just the kind of thing you can do in your sleep when your palace is overrun by enemies out for your head.
• There is Royal Order of Sam Tun Fahl, which isn't really explained and could be anything from the official name of the country to a fancier name for the royal family.

ChapterShow

Leaving the city of Selmonar and the land of Sam Tun Fahl proved to be only a little more difficult than the five originally thought it would be. They gave Enrike over to a group of thieves who were planning on fleeing the land to Danab and acquired some horses to take them back to Joalor. However, they weren't planning on returning the full way. Due to the possible dangers of the very different sort of Teleportation Vortex, they opted instead to find a secluded cave on the way back and perform the ritual there. It took them two days to find a suitable place, right on the border between Joalor and Sam Tun Fahl.

The cave was dark, sloping down into the ground at the base of a hill. After learning about the materials that were necessary for the spell thanks to Netersao's book, they had obtained everything they would need to make the spell that would bring the group to Earth. All they needed to do at that point was wait and prepare. The others had informed Louis of their decisions to remain with him and come along to Earth, although White Raven expressed how she was determined to stay behind and search for Myrrha.

Indow spent most of her time preparing for the spell, studying every part of the text of Netersao and triple-checking every single word and the translations related to it in order to discover if there was something they missed or if there was a part of the spell that had been incorrectly translated. Every single thing within the spell had to be perfect lest something went wrong and magic energy would be unleashed and injure or kill everyone around her.

Lithmenar, in the meantime, was having the time of his life. He laughed, he sang, and he insisted that everyone play card games with him. He lied, cheated, and did generally everything that had made him so endearing to the others in the first place. Now that he was released from the chase of his homeland, his spirit was high and he even considered returning to alcohol as a means of expressing his true joy. Jordahn was more than happy to aid him with his happiness, sparring with him on occasion so that she could hone her skills for a possible rematch with Hirode should the assassins ever come after them.

Louis relished the thought of going back to Earth and waited calmly as Indow prepared. He was excited to see what prospects awaited them when they went back. As a precautionary measure, in case time either on Earth or on Sin would be accelerated due to their presence on either world, the plan was to attempt a Tempil Gadrius spell to return to their own time. Indow noted that it might be difficult with doing it on Earth, but she felt confident that, after having studied the spell with Jeremis, she could perform the spell enough times to get everyone back to the time period that they needed.

White Raven decided to get a start on searching for Myrrha using her own methods. She retreated deep into the cave, where she was surrounded by darkness, and laid down a cloth blanket for her to sit down on. She sat cross-legged and set up six candles around her in a hexagon shape, lighting them after they had been placed. As soon as the candles were ready, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, her hands resting on her knees. In her head, she whispered to the air a series of numbers, each progressively getting larger as she worked to calculate them.

When she had reached the millions place in her math, she reached her state of full meditation. From White Raven's perspective, the cave had completely disappeared. As her 'eyes' opened, she found herself in the location where she would spend this meditation session - a large cathedral that lacked any real symbols that marked its religious affiliation. However, the stone building instead had bookshelves that spanned the length of the vast room and rose to the ceiling, each tome contained in their wooden boundaries organized alphabetically for any to read.

White Raven saw others within the cathedral, but they were few and, even then, they appeared more as a ghostly apparition to her than as actual people. However, White Raven knew that she looked like that to them, as well, since any that reached this state of meditation were merely there to gain wisdom and assistance, not to converse with others. After all, conversation was for when one wasn't meditating. White Raven knew it was a long shot, but within each book was information collected throughout the world, whether it was about spells, rituals, histories, or simply a recipe for soup, it was here. Of course, some information was sealed off even from the knowledge of those who meditated, but there was certainly enough for White Raven to seek information about the whereabouts of a single individual.

She crossed through the shelf hallways, seeking the appropriate alphabetical section for the book of knowledge she wanted, simply titled Myrrha. Seeing that the book wasn't within arm's reach, she brought over a ladder and climbed up the steps, looking for the title among those written on the spines of the books. She finally found the book and raised an eyebrow when she found the text on it written in Ünaran, indicating that Myrrha was somewhere in Ünaré. White Raven grasped the book and pulled it from the shelf, allowing the tight space to be filled with the other books.

White Raven climbed down the ladder and proceeded over to a table. She sat down and opened the book, skipping through the various beginning chapters explaining her life and motivations and instead focused on the latest writings that were already beginning to form. However, she didn't get past more than one word in the book before a ghostly hand came down and grabbed the book away from her. White Raven looked up and winced when she saw that the hand belonged to Myrrha herself. White Raven wasn't worried, however, since she knew that not even the magicks that Myrrha had previously accessed could break the rules of the mental library, which included an inability to touch or speak to others within the realm.

However, Myrrha didn't need words to communicate to White Raven, and she simply shook her head and took the book in her arms. She did a bow of her head to White Raven and disappeared, taking the book with her. White Raven sat there for a moment, contemplating the possibility that Myrrha actually practiced the same meditation techniques that she had learned and growled, slamming her fist against the table in anger.

With her sudden outburst of anger, White Raven's concentration was broken and she opened her eyes, bringing her back to the real world. She looked down at her candles, seeing that they had half-melted, indicating that she had been in the meditation for several hours. She blew out the candles to conserve what was left of them and packed them away with her other supplies, proceeding then to walk back up the cave to the camp at the entrance. It was early evening, night only just recently overtaking the sky. The other four were sitting around a fire, happily eating their dinners when they saw White Raven approaching.

"Hey, Raven! Sit down, take a load off. Indow's prepared some very nice sandwiches as opposed to soup in celebration of us going to Earth," Louis stated.

"Thank you, but I am not hungry," she replied, sitting down on the cave floor and staring at the fire.

"How was your meditation? Any luck in finding Myrrha?" Indow inquired.

White Raven shook her head. "The witch has escaped my insight. It seems she even meditates as I do, since it was her form that shielded the information from me."

"Well, as much as I feel for your attempts to find her, I must say that I don't have a care in the world right now," Lithmenar stated, lying back against the rock wall.

"You're still coming with us to Earth, right, Lithie? I know you were originally only doing it to get away from your parents, which is kind of a moot point now," Louis said.

"Of course!" Lithmenar laughed. "I have nowhere else to go, anyway! Imagine all of the precious metals on Earth that I could steal and bring back to Sin. I'll make a fortune!

Jordahn stared at him. "Wasn't the entire point of you becoming a thief to escape from the luxurious lifestyle of the rich?"

Lithmenar rolled his eyes. "Silly woman, you simply don't understand at all."

"Apparently not," Jordahn confirmed, returning to her own meal of soup, since members of the New Blood Order didn't eat meat.

Indow pointed out, "We're going to need to make sure that nothing interrupts the spell when I perform it tomorrow. We don't know what could happen with this thing if it's performed incorrectly."

"Indeed. Who knows, maybe there really is an alternate reality where all of the animes of Earth coexist and mingle at the same time. If they did, I'd be sure to give Shinji Ikari a kick in the ass," Louis joked.

"Perhaps when this is all over, we'll have the scientists of Jilad perform tests on these crystals to see the true properties and purposes behind them," Indow suggested.

Lithmenar yawned and stretched his arms and legs, a smile appearing across his face. "Well, it's been an interesting year, hasn't it? The Darkness was destroyed, ending a war that's lasted for three centuries, the Linkaran religion finally has their savior on Sin and all is right with the world for them, the Dark Knights have managed to obtain their own homeland to prosper without the guidance of their leader, wars have been fought, people have lived or died, and I managed to get free from the gaze of my parents. It's nice how things tend to work out for us all, isn't it?"

"Speaking of which," Louis interjected, looking over at the thief, "I was talking to Enrike while we were with the assassins and when I mentioned to him about what happened to you with Analee's death, he gave me that Cheshire Cat grin and said, 'If you think that's exciting, you should hear about what happened to him right after he left Sam Tun Fahl.' I asked him what he meant, but he told me to ask you. Care to enlighten us with another tale, Lithie?"

Lithmenar raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, appearing to be confused. Then, his eyes went wide with a pinge of realization and he smiled, snapping his fingers.

"Oh! The first thing Enrike wanted to show me about the real world when we left Sam Tun Fahl was the idea of celebration for no other reason than to celebrate. He brought me to a bar in Lahren and gave me the full treat of whiskey, women, and other wonders that you could never understand, kid," Lithmenar explained.

Louis raised an eyebrow and told him, "I don't buy it, Lithie. If it was as simple as that, Enrike would have told me that and been done with it. Trying to feed us another tall tale to keep us off track of what the truth is about you?"

Lithmenar looked around at the others, whom were all looking to him to give a response. He leaned in closer to Louis and narrowed his eyes, his mouth twisted into a grin.

"Kid," he said, stifling a chuckle in the back of his throat, "every story I've told you has been the truth."


*

White Raven sat on top of the entrance of the cave, looking out at the stars. She leaned back against the rocks, her mind a jumble of contemplation and debate. She peered down at her bow, wondering if it would someday be the weapon that struck down Myrrha and put an end to her miserable life. However, she realized that such a task was more daunting than she had originally thought. The sound of footsteps interrupted White Raven's thoughts and she used her exemplary training as a tracker to indicate the exact distance of the footsteps from her position, from what direction and angle they were from, and the material of the footwear stepping down upon the dirt and rock.

She smiled, using the information already provided simply by the footsteps to extrapolate the person's height, weight, and in what state of mind the person was in. The footsteps were calm and, judging from their direction, material, and overall physical premise that she used, coming from Louis. She peered down at the ground of the cave and saw that it was indeed Louis, who didn't seem to notice White Raven's presence above him. Louis sighed and put his hands in his pockets, his gaze turning towards the sky and the various stars lighting the black of night.

"What are you doing up so late?" White Raven inquired.

Louis turned and looked up at White Raven, smiling as he saw her. "Can't sleep. I'm too excited by the prospect of going home. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

The archer shook her head. "I wanted to talk to you, anyway. I... I think I'll be coming with you."

Louis sighed happily. "Nice to hear that the group won't be splitting up. Still, I must ask, why the change of heart?"

White Raven went back to look at the stars. "A number of reasons. Primarily, I don't think I'll be able to find Myrrha. By the time I did get back to her, at least eight months will have passed since we last saw her. Any leads on her whereabouts would have dried up. Not to mention that my past as a Dark Knight would be several steps ahead of me, making my attempts to search for her in towns to be fruitless. Also, if Myrrha was planning on making some sort of attempt on our lives as revenge or has been planning some sort of great act of conquest or destruction, her impatience would not have allowed her to wait as long as she has. If such an event had happened, it wouldn't matter how long it took for boats to get here, word would have spread about it to this continent by now. No, it's more likely she's lying in wait or trying to make out a meager living on whatever she has left."

She looked back down at Louis and asked, "Oh! That reminds me, should I be as worried as Indow was about the possibility that all that I know here will be gone by the time we return to Sin since time moves faster here than on Earth?"

"Well, that's certainly nice to hear. I see your optimism about everything has returned fully," White Raven pointed out.

Louis shrugged and replied, "A lot's happened. Let's face it - things have been crappy for us at every stage of this big journey of ours. Each of us has had our own struggles, some more than others. Indow was raped, Lithmenar's had to face his parents again, you've had to deal with the possibility of betraying your own people while also facing off against your own past, Jordahn's been pulled out of her natural time to a world seemingly alien to her, and my pig-headedness has made me lose my hair and almost lose the lives of the people I care about."

"But you still succeeded in the end, despite your headstrong qualities."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't make it right. Hell, I don't want to be the kind of hero that second-guesses himself every time a decision comes up, but my luck's going to run out sometime if I just keep charging in on a white horse and assuming I'm right. I'm setting myself up for a fall, and I don't know if you, the others, or I will survive it."

White Raven pushed herself off of the edge of the cave entrance roof and landed in front of Louis. She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly.

"That's why you've got the wings, Louis. They're there to save us all if we should fall. Louis, you have faults, but that's what makes you human. Without you, not a one of us would know each other and we would not have shared such a wonderful time with you. Indow would've retained her feelings of anger towards me for my past atrocities, Lithmenar would've continued down a path of drunken thievery until he finally made one mistake and been killed, Jordahn would never have gained new insight about her religion, her honor, and her goals in life, and I would've continued a dark path until that which was Blood Raven consumed me once more."

Louis grinned and looked down at the campfire, which would continue to blaze for a few more hours before it died out.

"You know," he said, "the last time we had a chat like this was around a campfire, and it was me reassuring you that your past didn't matter anymore. Thanks, Raven."

"You're welcome. So, is there anything else about Earth that I should know before we travel there?" White Raven asked.

"Well, for one thing, on Earth, I had a lot more hair. Hell, I've been telling you guys so much about Earth that by now, you're about as ready as you'll ever be. If anything, I want to know more about Sin or about you. Heck, I know nothing about you, Raven, other than the fact that you used to be Blood Raven," Louis stated.

White Raven looked away from him. "There is not much to tell, and what there is to tell I'd prefer not to."

"Didn't this experience show us that it's better to not have secrets about our past and that if we want to stay out of trouble, we should be honest with each other?"

"There is no dark secret in my past, Louis, no loose threads to tie up or anything along those lines. Things have simply happened that I do not wish to reflect upon and are none of your business. Now, I am tired and I think I will go to sleep. I suggest you do the same. It's a big day tomorrow."

White Raven stood and began walking back into the cave.

"It's not every day you get to go home."

*

"It's called chess. Louis was teaching me to play it when we were aboard the Defiant," Indow explained to Lithmenar.

The two were sitting in the cave with the chess set, Indow casting a small Lighting spell to keep the area illuminated. Indow and Lithmenar sat on opposite sides of the board, Lithmenar taking great care to examine the board and pieces in front of him.

"Is it anything like poker or any gambling game?" he asked, tilting his head to the side a little.

"It's a game of tactics and strategy, Lithmenar, not bets and checking," Indow answered.

"ALL games require tactics and strategy, Priestess. If they don't, then they're not games but distractions. Games are meant to be tests of our intellect and skill at certain activities. Poker is a game of strategy, probability, and luck. Chess, as you described it, works along similar premises," Lithmenar explained.

"Except chess doesn't use money for betting," Indow pointed out as she placed the game pieces on the board.

"It should. Bringing money into the mix just makes it more interesting," Lithmenar replied as he looked down at the pieces in front of him.

"Do you understand how the game works or should I explain it again?" Indow queried.

"I understand it perfectly," Lithmenar said, moving a pawn a space forward.

Indow smiled and responded with her own movements, wondering if the same strategies she had used to beat Louis would work against Lithmenar. Deciding to try to distract him a little, she opened up a conversation:

"So, I notice you haven't tried to ask any of us on a mission to rescue your sister from the bonds of royal life," she stated.

"My sister is safe in her castle. If the assassins try anything, I shall make good on my promise and they know that. Besides, it will be better for her to make her own choices in the future. If I tried to take her away from her life, I'd be no different from the Kingdoms that force their will upon the others. I will ensure that she has all the choices available, but she'll ultimately walk down the path she wants. Whether or not she becomes my enemy or not will be her determination and I will leave it to fate to decide where things fall. Check."

Indow smiled as she saw her King in peril. She had deliberately placed the pieces on her board in this manner, hoping to trap his Queen. She expertly stopped the attack on her King and allowed Lithmenar his own move. He moved as she had predicted he would and, three moves later, she eliminated his Queen.

"It's nice, you know," he pointed out as he began to regroup his forces to compensate for the loss of his Queen.

"What is?"

"The change of pace. Playing a nice little game is much more acceptable than all of the things we've had to do over the past few weeks. We need a rest like this every once in awhile to remind us that there's more to life than just battle, revolution, and attempting to help those whom we care about. Checkmate, by the way."

Indow blushed and stared down at the board. A bishop, a pawn, a Knight, and a rook all had intercepted her King and there was no way to have her win. She looked up at Lithmenar and smiled.

"Again?" she offered.

"Please," he accepted.

Next Time: The no doubt thrilling conclusion of this epic book.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

tl;dr: Nothing happens.

RiffingShow

Leaving the city of Selmonar and the land of Sam Tun Fahl
proved to be only a little more difficult than the five originally thought
it would be.

I'm glad you still listed off all the difficulties you might face in autistic detail last chapter for this. Really appreciate it.

They gave Enrike over to a group of thieves who were planning on fleeing the land to Danab and acquired some horses to take them back to Joalor.

So the thieves' guild was still active? And what happened to your old horses?

Due to the possible dangers of the very different sort of Teleportation Vortex, they opted instead to find a secluded cave on the way back and perform the ritual there.

What kind of "possible dangers" are we talking here? Transdimensional germs ravaging the countryside? Permanent damage to the space-time continuum at the ritual site? The world getting destroyed by Azathoth if there's enough room for him to step out of the portal in all of his madness-inducing splendor?
Also casting an experimental spell underground is just asking for a cave-in, if you ask me.
Admit it, you just wanted a cave brawl.

After learning about the materials that were necessary for the spell thanks to Netersao's book, they had obtained everything they would need to make the spell that would bring the group to Earth.

I think there are smoother ways to include a reminder of what this spell does.

All they needed to do at that point was wait and prepare.

What are you waiting for?

The others had informed Louis of their decisions to remain with him and come along to Earth, although White Raven expressed how she was determined to stay behind and search for Myrrha.

By the time she actually starts this oh-so important search, Myrrha will have collected all the Great Old Ones.
And everyone else wants to go to Earth? Sure, we've had Indow and Gyaru Casca change their minds - but what about Lithmenar? I thought his loli sister is now the most important thing in his life. He's just gonna fuck off after all? The assassins will be delighted once they stop pissing their pants just thinking about their new boogeyman.

Indow spent most of her time preparing for the spell, studying every part of the text of Netersao and triple-checking every single word and the translations related to it in order to discover if there was something they missed or if there was a part of the spell that had been incorrectly translated.

Ah yes, the fabled Sinnian translation issues. Funny how they're not an issue when you've been transported a millenium into the future.
How long ago was this original Stargate experiment, anyways? Since the jewels made it to the Peasantkicking royal treasure I assume at least 1-2 generations ago, but I don't think we ever get anything specific - which is kinda weird tbh. I mean, we do know they ended up somewhere around the 1950s on Earth, that Indow is a bit paranoid about time in Sin passing way faster compared to Earth, and her sweetheart loves musing about his weird understanding of "science". Dude should've been euphoric about eyeballing the time differential between Earth and Sin.

Every single thing within the spell had to be perfect lest something went wrong and magic energy would be unleashed and injure or kill everyone around her.

Isn't this true for every ritual, or just this one? And the way you phrase it makes it sound like the spell will spare you, which sounds like a kickass move to pull out if you're surrounded by enemies.

Lithmenar, in the meantime, was having the time of his life.

"I left my loli sister with my asshole parents, and I declared war on the world's largest group of hired killers. Man I'm awesome!"

He laughed, he sang, and he insisted that everyone play card games with him. He lied, cheated, and did generally everything that had made him so endearing to the others in the first place.

I honestly doubt that the others like you. You barely interact with Raven. You had a single alcohol-induced one-night stand with Gyaru Casca. And whenever you and Indow talk it's usually an excuse for you to ramble incoherently about the evils of the nobility and clergy.

Now that he was released from the chase of his homeland, his spirit was high and he even considered returning to alcohol as a means of expressing his true joy.

Dear Lord. He really thinks they did him a favor for exiling him.
I guess he thinks this got rid of those famed wanted posters (which only that chancellor dude was carrying around)?
But guess what? Now the assassins are after you.

Jordahn was more than happy to aid him with his happiness, sparring with him on occasion so that she could hone her skills for a possible rematch with Hirode should the assassins ever come after them.

Oh, they will. Don't you worry about that.
Though don't you all plan to fuck off to a different planet/dimension?

Louis relished the thought of going back to Earth and waited calmly as Indow prepared.

Linkara's mind right now:

(Just German things.)

He was excited to see what prospects awaited them when they went back.

The Men in Black will take your catgirl and cut her open for science.
Also she might legit die from just about any virus or bacteria.

As a precautionary measure, in case time either on Earth or on Sin would be accelerated due to their presence on either world, the plan was to attempt a Tempil Gadrius spell to return to their own time. Indow noted that it might be difficult with doing it on Earth, but she felt confident that, after having studied the spell with Jeremis, she could perform the spell enough times to get everyone back to the time period that they needed.

So much for that bit of tension.
How would you even know much faster time passes on Sin from Earth?
Also I thought doing too much time travel shenanigans damages the space-time continuum.

White Raven decided to get a start on searching for Myrrha using her own methods.

Holy shit she's finally doing something about that thing that's been bothering her this entire book!

The retreated deep into the cave, where she was surrounded by darkness, and laid down a cloth blanket for her to sit down on. She sat cross-legged and set up six candles around her in a hexagon shape, lighting them after they had been placed. As soon as the candles were ready, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, her hands resting on her knees. In her head, she whispered to the air a series of numbers, each progressively getting larger as she worked to calculate them.

When she had reached the millions place in her math, she reached her state of full meditation.

All her math chakras have opened, and she is one with pi.

From White Raven's perspective, the cave had completely disappeared.

From everyone else's perspective, she's having a seizure.

As her 'eyes' opened, she found herself in the location where she would spend this meditation session - a large cathedral that lacked any real symbols that marked its religious affiliation.

I know you keep comparing any fancy stone building with a cathedral, but this is ridiculous.

However, the stone building instead had bookshelves that spanned the length of the vast room and rose to the ceiling, each tome contained in their wooden boundaries organized alphabetically for any to read.

A library. This fucking memory palace is a library.

White Raven saw others within the cathedral, but they were few and, even then, they appeared more as a ghostly apparition to her than as actual people. However, White Raven knew that she looked like that to them, as well, since any that reached this state of meditation were merely there to gain wisdom and assistance, not to converse with others.

Okay. So Sin has their own version of the fucking Akashic records, and you get there by counting to a million or something.

After all, conversation was for when one wasn't meditating.

Amen, sister.

White Raven knew it was a long shot, but within each book was information collected throughout the world, whether it was about spells, rituals, histories, or simply a recipe for soup, it was here. Of course, some information was sealed off even from the knowledge of those who meditated, but there was certainly enough for White Raven to seek information about the whereabouts of a single individual.

Why is shit sealed off? And why has this convenient plot device not been introduced sooner? You'd think actual wizards would be all over this shit.

She crossed through the shelf hallways, seeking the appropriate alphabetical section for the book of knowledge she wanted, simply titled Myrrha.

You've been paranoid about Myrrha's whereabouts for the better part of a year, and you're telling me now that you could've looked her up on Zen Wikipedia this entire time?

She finally found the book and raised an eyebrow when she found the text on it written in Ünaran, indicating that Myrrha was somewhere in Ünaré.

(That's where Linkara put Indow's dad and the rest of the clergy through a struggle session.)

And what? The entire book automatically translates itself into the local language of wherever the fuck you are atm? How does that make sense?

She sat down and opened the book, skipping through the various beginning chapters explaining her life and motivations and instead focused on the latest writings that were already beginning to form.

This shit is just the intel gathering part of Heaven's Door, but with infinite range.

However, she didn't get past more than one word in the book before a ghostly hand came down and grabbed the book away from her. White Raven looked up and winced when she saw that the hand belonged to Myrrha herself.

Awkward. So is Myrrha meditating 24/7 in case someone zen-googles her, or can she sense that someone is looking her up and she can count to a million really, really fast?

White Raven wasn't worried, however, since she knew that not even the magicks that Myrrha had previously accessed could break the rules of the mental library, which included an inability to touch or speak to others within the realm.

There shall be no mind battle without the involvement of the Great Linkara.

However, Myrrha didn't need words to communicate to White Raven, and she simply shook her head and took the book in her arms. She did a bow of her head to White Raven and disappeared, taking the book with her.

Quick question: Since you can both interact with the same books, does that mean you can use them to beat the shit out of each other?

White Raven sat there for a moment, contemplating the possibility that Myrrha actually practiced the same meditation techniques that she had learned and growled, slamming her fist against the table in anger.

Why shouldn't she know it? This shit looks so useful that anyone with even a slight talent for the occult should practice it ASAP.

With her sudden outburst of anger, White Raven's concentration was broken and she opened her eyes, bringing her back to the real world.

I'm glad these mind adventures continue to be completely pointless for the actual story.
Why even introduce the fucking Akashic records, only to then come up with an excuse for why they're useless in this specific situation?

The other four were sitting around a fire, happily eating their dinners when they saw White Raven approaching.

Shit, they're eating. That means Linkara will start bitching about the food any second now.

"Hey, Raven! Sit down, take a load off. Indow's prepared some very nice sandwiches as opposed to soup in celebration of us going to Earth," Louis stated.

"Hey, Indow! Stop preparing your little ritual and make me a fucking sandwich!"

"How was your meditation? Any luck in finding Myrrha?" Indow inquired.

Oh, so you all knew about this trick? Would've been cool to know back when you were willing to search the four corners of Sin for any bit of information about a dimensional travel spell.

Speaking of retcons making shit dumber: Remember how paranoid the Linkaran church was about the Darkness getting its hand on even a single piece of the (main) prophecy? Did the Darkness have a hacker group dedicated to finding them? And did the church employ a counter-hacker group to stand guard next to every relevant mind book going "Nu-uh" whenever someone tried to grab it?

White Raven shook her head. "The witch has escaped my insight. It seems she even meditates as I do, since it was her form that shielded the information from me."

"I am afraid she put her Akashitter profile on private."

"Well, as much as I feel for your attempts to find her, I must say that I don't have a care in the world right now," Lithmenar stated, lying back against the rock wall.

Endearing as always, I see.
Also the assassins will skin your loli sister alive. The leather for their sitting furniture has to come from somewhere.

"You're still coming with us to Earth, right, Lithie? I know you were originally only doing it to get away from your parents, which is kind of a moot point now," Louis said.

Very smooth usage of the "As You Know" trope.

"Of course!" Lithmenar laughed. "I have nowhere else to go, anyway! Imagine all of the precious metals on Earth that I could steal and bring back to Sin. I'll make a fortune!

Just wait till you hear about Gunpla.

And I'm beginning to think that his loli sister is an addition from a newer draft, and she just didn't exist in whatever draft this is from.
Then again, she was barely a real character in her one and only scene.

Jordahn stared at him. "Wasn't the entire point of you becoming a thief to escape from the luxurious lifestyle of the rich?"

Lithmenar rolled his eyes. "Silly woman, you simply don't understand at all."

"It's okay when I do it!"

So endearing.

"Apparently not," Jordahn confirmed, returning to her own meal of soup, since members of the New Blood Order didn't eat meat.

Indow's celebratory sandwiches did not have a veggie or vegan option, apparently.

Indow pointed out, "We're going to need to make sure that nothing interrupts the spell when I perform it tomorrow. We don't know what could happen with this thing if it's performed incorrectly."

What happened to "Everyone around me will die if I fuck up"?

"Indeed. Who knows, maybe there really is an alternate reality where all of the animes of Earth coexist and mingle at the same time. If they did, I'd be sure to give Shinji Ikari a kick in the ass," Louis joked.

I couldn't decide on which snarky comment to make here, so let's hear them all:

• You had your chance during your Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, but then you got cold feet for some fucking reason.
• I'm glad you're taking this so seriously.
• This doesn't even make sense as a response to what she was saying.

"Perhaps when this is all over, we'll have the scientists of Jilad perform tests on these crystals to see the true properties and purposes behind them," Indow suggested.

Turns out they're actually for transdimensional waste disposal.

Lithmenar yawned and stretched his arms and legs, a smile appearing across his face. "Well, it's been an interesting year, hasn't it? The Darkness was destroyed, ending a war that's lasted for three centuries, the Linkaran religion finally has their savior on Sin and all is right with the world for them, the Dark Knights have managed to obtain their own homeland to prosper without the guidance of their leader, wars have been fought, people have lived or died, and I managed to get free from the gaze of my parents. It's nice how things tend to work out for us all, isn't it?"

Please don't make Linkara summarize his adventures in the past like this.

"Speaking of which," Louis interjected, looking over at the thief, "I was talking to Enrike while we were with the assassins and when I mentioned to him about what happened to you with Analee's death, he gave me that Cheshire Cat grin and said, 'If you think that's exciting, you should hear about what happened to him right after he left Sam Tun Fahl.' I asked him what he meant, but he told me to ask you. Care to enlighten us with another tale, Lithie?"

"I had no money and had to prostitute myself. There is no dick on Aigol that doesn't know the touch of my sphincter."

Also glad you guys have fun memories associated with that time you buried a close friend after she bled to death.

"Oh! The first thing Enrike wanted to show me about the real world when we left Sam Tun Fahl was the idea of celebration for no other reason than to celebrate. He brought me to a bar in Lahren and gave me the full treat of whiskey, women, and other wonders that you could never understand, kid," Lithmenar explained.

Because the royal family does never indulge in frivolities or merriment for the sake of frivolities and merriment.

Louis raised an eyebrow and told him, "I don't buy it, Lithie. If it was as simple as that, Enrike would have told me that and been done with it. Trying to feed us another tall tale to keep us off track of what the truth is about you?"

Why do you keep asking him if you have no reason to trust anything that comes out of his mouth?

"Kid," he said, stifling a chuckle in the back of his throat, "every story I've told you has been the truth."

It's funny 'cause his first tragic backstory was a load of bullshit.

*

White Raven sat on top of the entrance of the cave, looking out at the stars. She leaned back against the rocks, her mind a jumble of contemplation and debate.

Who are you debating with?
And don't come at me with some inner turmoil shit. You've had a one-track "Gotta look for Myrrha" mind this whole book.

She peered down at her bow, wondering if it would someday be the weapon that struck down Myrrha and put an end to her miserable life.

You might want to invest in other weapons Even Gyaru Casca has an undetermined amount of variant axes.

However, she realized that such a task was more daunting than she had originally thought.

Not this "Oh, how can we ever hope to defeat her?!" bullshit again. Linkara just waltzed up to and punched the shit out of her. You'll be fine.

The sound of footsteps interrupted White Raven's thoughts and she used her exemplary training as a tracker to indicate the exact distance of the footsteps from her position, from what direction and angle they were from, and the material of the footwear stepping down upon the dirt and rock.

Great, now she's pulling the 1337 "I can hear where you are" nonsense that Lithmenar did earlier in this book.

She smiled, using the information already provided simply by the footsteps to extrapolate the person's height, weight, and in what state of mind the person was in.

Are you a mentat or something? It's fine if you're supposed to be good at this shit, but this is just getting silly.

The footsteps were calm and, judging from their direction, material, and overall physical premise that she used, coming from Louis.

She can tell because he has (probably) sneakers and is the fattest guy in the group.

Louis sighed and put his hands in his pockets, his gaze turning towards the sky and the various stars lighting the black of night.

"What are you doing up so late?" White Raven inquired.

He's gonna whine and bitch about something again, isn't he?

Louis turned and looked up at White Raven, smiling as he saw her. "Can't sleep. I'm too excited by the prospect of going home. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

The archer shook her head. "I wanted to talk to you, anyway. I... I think I'll be coming with you."

You're just gonna stop your quest to find what you keep insisting to be the most dangerous person on Sin? Just because she stopped your Heaven's Door with a "Nu-uh"? And even though that stunt at least taught you where she is atm, which is the first real lead you've had on her?

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen. Bravely leaving the world in the hands of three bad guy factions that they are aware of (Myrrha, the Neo-Terafellas, the red herring demons from beyond time and space that nobody seems to take seriously), or four if you count the assassins.

Louis sighed happily. "Nice to hear that the group won't be splitting up. Still, I must ask, why the change of heart?"

This is gonna hurt.

"A number of reasons. Primarily, I don't think I'll be able to find Myrrha. By the time I did get back to her, at least eight months will have passed since we last saw her.

It's almost as if it was a dumb fucking idea to go on a multi-month quest to a different continent.
And worst of all is that you didn't really contribute anything to the quest.

"Not to mention that my past as a Dark Knight would be several steps ahead of me, making my attempts to search for her in towns to be fruitless."

Put on a different outfit and don't introduce yourself with your full title and list of war crimes?
And you'd think this same caveat would make Myrrha easier to track.

"Also, if Myrrha was planning on making some sort of attempt on our lives as revenge or has been planning some sort of great act of conquest or destruction, her impatience would not have allowed her to wait as long as she has."

"She hasn't done anything so far, so I'm pretty sure she's harmless now."

"If such an event had happened, it wouldn't matter how long it took for boats to get here, word would have spread about it to this continent by now."

She could've spent the past two months painting that other continent red with the blood of the innocent, and it'd still take another two months before you guys would start hearing the first rumors.
Or even longer. I mean, fuck, as far as we know the people on Aigol still don't know that the whole Darkness war is over.

"No, it's more likely she's lying in wait or trying to make out a meager living on whatever she has left."

If she's anything like in the previous book, she's probably just needlessly delaying some oh-so important blood sacrifice ceremony that is of vital importance to her further plans for some unexplained reason.

She looked back down at Louis and asked, "Oh! That reminds me, should I be as worried as Indow was about the possibility that all that I know here will be gone by the time we return to Sin since time moves faster here than on Earth?"

It would be pretty weird if time on Sin passed slower for you than it does for her.

Louis laughed and shook his head. "I don't think so. Odds are that things work in real time between the two worlds or that something really strange happens and neither is faster, slower, or the same at any given time, since Netersao doesn't mention any time differences when he came back from Earth."

Oh, so everyone got paranoid over nothing?
Why the fuck did Indow need to translate shit if the text she was reading can't be older than 70 years?

"Well, that's certainly nice to hear. I see your optimism about everything has returned fully," White Raven pointed out.

Or he doesn't give a shit about Sin or your precious feelings.

Louis shrugged and replied, "A lot's happened. Let's face it - things have been crappy for us at every stage of this big journey of ours. Each of us has had our own struggles, some more than others. Indow was raped, Lithmenar's had to face his parents again, you've had to deal with the possibility of betraying your own people while also facing off against your own past, Jordahn's been pulled out of her natural time to a world seemingly alien to her, and my pig-headedness has made me lose my hair and almost lose the lives of the people I care about."

The Rape Counter has increased (9 -> 10)

It has finally happened! Thank the angels for this chapter's clunky attempts at summarizing the series so far!

"But you still succeeded in the end, despite your headstrong qualities."

I mean, he did get a lot of mileage out of throwing temper tantrums and threatening people with violence...

"Maybe so, but that doesn't make it right. Hell, I don't want to be the kind of hero that second-guesses himself every time a decision comes up, but my luck's going to run out sometime if I just keep charging in on a white horse and assuming I'm right. I'm setting myself up for a fall, and I don't know if you, the others, or I will survive it."

That introspection is very conveniently timed, considering you think the end of your adventures is close by.

"That's why you've got the wings, Louis. They're there to save us all if we should fall."

Technically Indow has saved your asses a lot more often. Especially in this book.

"Without you, not a one of us would know each other and we would not have shared such a wonderful time with you."

I'm sure Indow is glad to have met Lithmenar "Your religion is dumb and evil" von Peasantkicking.

"Indow would've retained her feelings of anger towards me for my past atrocities"

How dare that bitch being hung up over you slaughtering her grandparents.

"Lithmenar would've continued down a path of drunken thievery until he finally made one mistake and been killed"

Probably would've happened long before you met him, but for some fucking reason that innkeper thought he was kinda droll.

"Jordahn would never have gained new insight about her religion, her honor, and her goals in life"

She seemd a lot happier when she was just killing her superiors. And when did she gain any new religious insights?

"And I would've continued a dark path until that which was Blood Raven consumed me once more."

A good thing some angry kid screamed at you for beeing an angsty little bitch.

"So, is there anything else about Earth that I should know before we travel there?" White Raven asked.

"Well, for one thing, on Earth, I had a lot more hair."

That... didn't answer her question?

"Hell, I've been telling you guys so much about Earth that by now, you're about as ready as you'll ever be."

They will certainly know that pizza and chicken tendies are the food of the gods.

"Hell, I've been telling you guys so much about Earth that by now, you're about as ready as you'll ever be."

Was your history book not good enough? And as far as I can tell Raven is boring af.

White Raven looked away from him. "There is not much to tell, and what there is to tell I'd prefer not to."

"Didn't this experience show us that it's better to not have secrets about our past and that if we want to stay out of trouble, we should be honest with each other?"

Unlike Lithmenar, she hasn't been showcasing incredible suspicious behavior which she then tried to explain with a ridiculous fake backstory.

"There is no dark secret in my past, Louis, no loose threads to tie up or anything along those lines."

Aside from Myrrha waiting for the right planetary alignment to summon the Crawling Chaos.

*

"It's called chess. Louis was teaching me to play it when we were aboard the Defiant," Indow explained to Lithmenar.

The two were sitting in the cave with the chess set, Indow casting a small Lighting spell to keep the area illuminated.

Who cares about torches? Just have our only spellcaster waste energy the night before the most important ritual of all.

"Is it anything like poker or any gambling game?" he asked, tilting his head to the side a little.

Already thinking how to make money with it, I see.

"Except chess doesn't use money for betting," Indow pointed out as she placed the game pieces on the board.

"It should. Bringing money into the mix just makes it more interesting," Lithmenar replied as he looked down at the pieces in front of him.

Called it.

"Do you understand how the game works or should I explain it again?" Indow queried.

"I understand it perfectly," Lithmenar said, moving a pawn a space forward.

At least he didn't ask incredibly autistic questions.

Deciding to try to distract him a little, she opened up a conversation:

"So, I notice you haven't tried to ask any of us on a mission to rescue your sister from the bonds of royal life," she stated.

Holy shit, the loli sister actually exists in this draft.
Why has no one asked him about her before?

"My sister is safe in her castle."

The castle.
With her asshole parents.
In a kingdom you know will collapse before she can even hit puberty.
That is if she mind drug plan wasn't foiled for good. If it was there'll be riots in a matter of months.
And that's not even going into the entire nation of criminals and murderers that is just waiting to swoop in and claim the spoils.

"If the assassins try anything, I shall make good on my promise and they know that."

"We have to give up our plans. This one guy will kill us all if we don't!"

If they really believe that this series is even dumber than I thought.

"Besides, it will be better for her to make her own choices in the future. If I tried to take her away from her life, I'd be no different from the Kingdoms that force their will upon the others."

You're even dumber than the assassins if you think your parents will make the same mistakes they did with you. There's no way in hell she will ever be allowed to just leave the palace without supervision, for starters.

"I will ensure that she has all the choices available, but she'll ultimately walk down the path she wants."

How exactly are you gonna ensure that? You've been exiled.

"Whether or not she becomes my enemy or not will be her determination and I will leave it to fate to decide where things fall. Check."

"Maybe she'll end up hating me, maybe not. Who cares."

You're a great brother.

Indow smiled as she saw her King in peril. She had deliberately placed the pieces on her board in this manner, hoping to trap his Queen. She expertly stopped the attack on her King and allowed Lithmenar his own move. He moved as she had predicted he would and, three moves later, she eliminated his Queen.

Still more exciting than the Contest of Champions finale.
God, I hope that compilation stays in development hell. I did promise to cover that YGO! card duel in autistic detail, after all.

"It's nice, you know," he pointed out as he began to regroup his forces to compensate for the loss of his Queen.

How do you regroup in chess?

"What is?"

"The change of pace. Playing a nice little game is much more acceptable than all of the things we've had to do over the past few weeks. We need a rest like this every once in awhile to remind us that there's more to life than just battle, revolution, and attempting to help those whom we care about."

Turns out that harmless pastimes are better than being in mortal peril all the time. Who knew?

"Checkmate, by the way."

Indow blushed and stared down at the board. A bishop, a pawn, a Knight, and a rook all had intercepted her King and there was no way to have her win. She looked up at Lithmenar and smiled.

"Again?" she offered.

"Please," he accepted.

And do you think it's better or worse that we didn't get a full blow-by-blow of this chess match? I don't entirely trust the author's chess know-how.

[Rushy]

what

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

what

Just sum up prime numbers until you're over a million, and you'll enter Zen Wikipedia.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 3, Chapter 19 - To Earth
(Or: Repetition is repetitive)



I don't know why everyone waiting for the Stargate ritual to start is apparently interesting enough to warrant two chapters, but here we are.
Though maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe something might still happen. After all, we still have a few plot threads dangling that may or may not get resolved in an anticlimactic fashion:

• Will Myrrha actually do something in this book?
• Will Thesia actually do someting in this series?
• Is this really the last we've heard of the assassins?
• And what's the deal with the Neo-Terafellas and their immortal warriors?
• And what about BLACK MASTER?

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 10
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember:

• Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
• The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

I'm only half joking. Everyone's just kinda waiting for the Stargate ritual to get done, which apparently takes at least one day. Where the one doing all the preparing and studying - Indow - still has plenty of time for leisure and sandwich-making.
So everyone's been having dumb discussions where they either summarize the plot of the series at each other, emotionally validate Linkara, or bend themselves over backwards to justify changing their mind and wanting to follow Linkara to Earth after all, loyal minions that they are.

That last bit is easily the most infuriating bit, since it's painfully obvious that Linkara (the author) didn't want anyone to leave the party, even if it doesn't make sense.

Lithmenar, who now has a loli sister to worry about? Has convinced himself that she is in good hands (*presses X*) and perfectly safe (*presses X harder*). And really, it's not a big deal.

Raven, who has done a variation of "Myrrha's dangerous. Gotta search for her" this entire book? She does a math-based spirit quest and uses Infinite Range Heaven's Door, but at the first sign of resistance she just kinda gives up and starts making excuses. Finding Myrrha is too hard. She's too far away, anways. And word hasn't reached her yet of Myrrha doing anything evil, so she's probably harmless now. And really, it's not a big deal.

(Best of all is that she could've done this little spirit quests at any time during since the book started, but this is an obvious retcon power so fuck logic.)

Everyone's worried about too much time passing on Sin while they're gone? Turns out time passes at the same speed after all (would've been a lot clearer if we every got any info on when exactly the first Stargate trip happened, but it's never specified for some reason). And even if time does flow differently, they can just use time travel magic (even though it was established to damage the space-time continuum, plus it might leave you with knowledge of a future they cannot change). And really, it's not a big deal.

It's not a big deal, okay?

At least we got another mention of the famous Rape of Indow, so it wasn't completely pointless.

Worldbuilding tidbits

• The people of Sin can pull off a math-based mediation which will transport their minds to the Sin equivalent of the Akashic records
  • This mind place is obviously a library, but it gets described as a faith-agnostic cathedral with bookshelves - because this is fucking Angel Armor, where any halfway fancy stone building has to be compared to a cathedral (usually Notre-Dame)
  • This place not only contains the collected knowledge of humanity (and I guess elves and dwarves, too), but also a book for every person which is like a biography that gets updated in realtime
  • Of course this particular use turns out to be fruitless, because Myrrha was also meditating and can just take away her own book.
  • Despite the fact that everyone in the fellowship knows that Raven has access to what is effectively Wikipedia crossed with Heaven's Door, it has never been brought up or used before. It's almost like a retcon that raises more questions than it answers.

ChapterShow

Louis walked out of the cave and yawned, seeing that everyone else was getting ready for the spell. White Raven, Jordan, and Lithmenar were packing away the rest of their belongings while Indow was setting out the specific objects that had been described in the spell. Indow set a Netersao jewel on top of a wooden pedestal, which rested in the center of a circle of yellow powder. The circle was seven feet in diameter and eight candles were placed in equidistant positions on top of the dust.

"When will you be ready?" Louis asked, eager to get along.

"A few more minutes. The last time I chanted a Teleportation Vortex, it was with the assistance of others and I want to make sure that I know how to operate the spell on my own," she answered, her eyes now glued to a spell book in front of her.

"Well, folks, the bus is leaving in another minute. Do we have everything?" Louis inquired the others, wanting to make sure that nothing was left behind when they got to Earth.

"I have packed away all of my belongings and have nothing to spare. I'm assuming that weight will not be a factor in this since Netersao was able to transport several people along with him when he first made the trip," White Raven answered.

"I am eagerly anticipating the prospect of seeing your world, Louis. Perhaps I can see then why such an arrogant boy could be so popular among the dominant religion of Sin," Jordahn joked.

"Let's get this over with. I want to see what sort of advancements in theft technology have been developed in your futuristic world, kid!" Lithmenar stated, picking up his bags and approaching the circle.

Indow put down her book and warned, "Don't step inside the circle until the ceremony is complete. This is going to be a delicate procedure and breaking the circle will disrupt the spell and force me to do it all over again, and from what I've seen, the journey is going to be a draining one for all of us. Let us pray that when we land on Earth, there will be some beds for us to relax in. According to the physical calculations I've done versus the energy output of the Netersao jewel, there shouldn't be a problem with the weight, Raven. Just don't bring any objects that aren't always securely with you. According to the writings of the two Sorcerers who accompanied Netersao, unlike a normal Teleportation Vortex, this will feel more like traveling through a bright tunnel than the instant travel from the standard Vortex."

To finish off the setup for the spell, Indow set up another pedestal five feet away from the blue crystal and placed a chunk of iron on top of it. She took a step back and addressed the group:

"If the spell works like it's supposed to, a yellow portal will appear just outside of the circle. When the ceremony is complete, the portal will remain open for about a minute and then collapse. We have that time to enter the portal and no more. Although the corridor will not collapse on us, we still have to travel its short distance of about ten feet before we reach the other end and, hopefully, Earth. No talking while I'm performing the spell, lest I get distracted and end up accidentally summoning up a demon that will subsequently devour all of us. Understood?"

The group gave her head nods in acknowledgment.

"Good," she said, walking over to the Netersao jewel and closing her eyes, "then I will begin."

The other four grabbed hold of their belongings and readied themselves for what was about to happen. Indow closed her eyes and extended her arms, silently beginning her chants. She moved her arms in a circle parallel to the one on the ground and as they went past the candles, the tips of the candles lit ablaze, giving a brief spark of life upwards before subsiding into normal flames. With the added heat, the Garlot dust began to disintegrate and merge with the flames of the candles.

Indow opened her eyes and began to speak: "Queen of the moon, your servant calls upon your wisdom and skill!"

The fading yellow dust merged with the flames and made them grow brighter, larger, and turn a deeper yellow hue.

"We ask for a doorway onto another piece of your beloved land, the soil and spirit of the sin itself!"

The Vortex was already starting to form in front of the iron receptacle, the metal somehow drawing it closer.

"Search my mind, oh ruler of the night skies, for the place I wish your doorway to open!"

The flames suddenly flashed up past Indow's height, but instead of dissipating into the morning air, the flames curved and bent inwards, being absorbed into the Netersao crystal.

"The plants shun you without your sister the sun, but I welcome you with open arms, my Queen!"

The remaining dust was quickly eaten up by the heat, boiling away into steam and taken into the melting wax of the candles.

"TELEPORTATION VORTEX!"

The remaining traces of the outer circle, candle and dust, were engulfed by fire and taken into the Netersao jewel. The sapphire of the crystal disappeared, replaced by a rainbow's vision of color ever swirling within its confines. However, that ended quickly as the crystal launched out a single beam of white energy at the emerging Teleportation Vortex. As the energies were emptied from the jewel, the Teleportation Vortex's gateway fully emerged, but, as was written in Netersao's journal, the portal was colored a bright yellow instead of blue. The tear in space hung there for a moment as Indow gave a nod to the others and started running for it.

In a line, Indow entered first and was followed by Louis. Then came Lithmenar, and Jordahn. However, as White Raven got close to the portal, the energies around it making her short white hair blow around a bit, she stopped and looked around, a chill running up her spine as she felt someone's eyes gazing down at her. She shook it off, knowing that this was her only chance to go with her friends and stepped into the portal.

Ten seconds later, the portal vanished.

*

Louis shuddered and slowly made his way through the portal, wondering if maybe finding an alternate means back to Earth would've have been worth his time. He felt as if he were trapped in the middle of a blizzard, strong, temperature-less winds constantly pressing down on him as he pushed on towards the other end of the portal, represented in front of him by a gateway of yellow light. Everything else around him was a mixture of blue, black, and white, forming patterns and dispersing just as quickly as they had formed.

The others were having a similar time trying to cope with the harsh environment. Each step they made felt harder and heavier than the previous, making it increasingly difficult for them to make it across the distance. Louis tried to shout to Indow to see if this had been part of the description of the experience, but his calls were muffled by the noise generated by the wind. Louis winced as he saw Indow suddenly collapse before she made it to the exit and tried to quicken his pace. However, the energy he had to exert in order to reach her drained him completely and he collapsed beside the girl he loved. The other three, trying to reach them, arrived at the same point and then fell forward and into unconsciousness.

*

What are they?

Indow opened her eyes again, realizing that she was no longer in the entranceway of the tunnel but in a black void. Her first reaction to the area was to remind her of an experience Louis had told her about. When he was in the past, when the shadow creature had attacked him, it drew him into a black void in order to gain information about the armor. He had resisted it, but not without a lot of personal torment as a result. Indow wondered if they had been attacked by shadows within the portal and were now captured by the forces that controlled the shadows.

Upon closer examination, I believe they are similar to the ones who came before.

Indow looked around the void, hoping that she could spot where Louis and the others were, but sadly she seemed to be the only one in the void.

It is female... and, if I am examining correctly, I believe she is a servant of our Queens.

Both together? I have heard of such people who are united under both through the magicks, but I have never actually encountered one.

But there were some who came through here once, which is why we started to keep vigil on the passage in the first place.

"Who... Who are you?" Indow asked.

She speaks.

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

The other two, have they awoken?

They are stirring now.

Indow stood up. "But, I don't understand..."

"...Who are you?"

She speaks.

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

Jordahn narrowed her eyes. When she had woken up, she had found herself in the same predicament as Indow - in a black void and hearing two voices that actually instilled images of color within her mind. One had a distinct voice that elicited thought of blackness while the other evoked a sense of white, yet they were the same and mixed. She reached for an axe, thinking that she might have been captured by shadows that were studying her.

"Show yourselves or I shall cut your voices from the air!" she threatened.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

Jordahn became noticeably angered by the comment.

"Limited?! I don't understand, where..."

"...is everyone?"

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

White Raven took in a deep breath and tried to make her eyes not wander. She felt as if she had been torn away from the tunnel, as if her very soul had been snatched up in the passageway and set down somewhere else. Of course, the question on her mind other than where everyone else was where was she? Unlike Indow and Jordahn, she was in a void of pure white with no clearly defined lines or space markers to indicate how large the space was. When she had first opened her eyes, she thought that she might have gone blind, but when she could see herself, she realized that wasn't the case.

"What is happening?" she asked to the voices she had just heard.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

White Raven bit her lower lip. "I fear you do not even truly see or understand me."

The other two, have they awoken?

*

They are stirring now.

Lithmenar's eyes shot open and he grabbed a throwing knife. He threw it in the direction of the voices. However, it didn't seem to be necessary, anyway, since the two didn't seem to be particularly interested in him at the moment. The knife merely flew towards them and passed on, never even indicating that it had gone any closer to them. He looked around in the gray void he was in and at the two gentlemen sitting in front of him.

Well, actually, he couldn't tell what the two people's genders were. They were sitting at opposite sides of a table, one covered in black robes that concealed every inch of his (his being a relative term since, after all, he wasn't sure what they really were) body while the other was clad in white robes that seemed every bit the opposite of his companion's outfit. Their hands, covered in gloves that matched their outfits, were playing some sort of card game that Lithmenar didn't recognize.

They ask simplistic questions or attempt feeble attacks on us.

You should not be so quick to dismiss them. They are, after all, the children of Kaos.

Yes, but sometimes I simply do not understand them.

I sometimes wish we had more contact with the mortals through which we ask to be our aides in this.

Indeed. However, the balance does not allow for it. We must, instead, call upon one who is more suited to this sort of... activity.

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon for him.

*

They are stirring now.

Louis groaned and held his head, wondering if perhaps one of the alcoholic drinks from Sin did actually have more of an effect on him than he had previously thought possible. However, as his memory of the passage back to Earth returned, he realized that he wasn't suffering from a hangover. His vision was filled with gray as he started to get up, sitting cross-legged as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he saw that, several feet away from him, there were two figures sitting at a table. One wore an entirely white business suit along with a white hat that covered up his facial features. The other one wore conversely clad in an entirely black suit, a black hat sitting on his head and shrouding his features. Louis assumed that they were both a 'he,' but left the possibility that one or both might be female in his mind. There was a chessboard between them, but they didn't seem to be playing by the traditional rules. They simply seemed to arbitrarily move pieces about wherever they wanted, occasionally taking a piece but then having the same kind of piece reform later on another part of the board.

"What am I doing here? Who are you people?" Louis queried.

They ask simplistic questions or attempt feeble attacks on us.

You should not be so quick to dismiss them. They are, after all, the children of Kaos.

Yes, but sometimes I simply do not understand them.

I sometimes wish we had more contact with the mortals through which we ask to be our aides in this.

Louis raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Aides in what? What is..."

*

"...going on here?" Indow asked.

Indeed, however, the balance does not allow for it. We must, instead, call upon one who is more suited to this sort of... activity.

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon him.

"Hello, everyone."

Indow turned around as she heard a new voice enter the fray. However, instead of being like the ones that she had heard reverberate throughout the black realm, this one came from a physical presence behind her. When she looked upon the man who had spoken, she was quite shocked to find an Anako healer standing before her. He was garbed in traditional skins of animal prey that had been taken by Anako hunters, but he carried with him medical supplies. Indow giggled a little as she looked at his head, which had two cat ears coming out of his hair, reflecting his brown fur. The hereditary trait of having an extra set of ears on one's head had become more common in the Shadae Islands, she had heard, but she hadn't thought she'd encounter someone with it here, of all places.

"Allow me to explain what's happening..."

*

Jordahn growled and started swinging her axe at the air, praying that her opponents were simply out of sight. She was already sick of the dark environment that she found herself in and wanted out. She was no longer listening to the voices that were speaking and simply wanted to try to kill something or knock them away. She simply wanted freedom from the space around her where she couldn't tell where one part ended and another began.

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon him.

"Hello, everyone."

Jordahn swung her axe at the newcomer, but stopped herself just before it reached his neck. The man before her was standing straight and tall, a smile across his tanned face. Jordahn brought her axe away and put it behind her back, bringing her hand into the air and proclaiming "hail" to the man in front of her before putting her arm back at her side again. He was dressed in Kien military garb, the rank insignia across his chest indicating that he was a general.

"Allow me to explain what's happening..."

*

White Raven decided that there was only one thing to do in a time like this: meditate. She sat down and closed her eyes, deciding to search now for a similar situation like this in some sort of book that would be able to provide her some sort of reference point for an explanation for her incarceration in the white void. However, the instant she tried to reach the cathedral, she found herself blocked. Her spirit hit against a wall, unable to leave the confines of the void. She broke the meditation to hear the words of the entities:

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon him.

"Hello, everyone."

White Raven stood up and turned around, raising an eyebrow in curiosity at the person who had appeared before her. He took on the appearance of a Dark Knight, the black armor gleaming with polish and with minimal customizations that many Dark Knights had indulged in like spikes, chains, or blades. He was smiling, a sight that White Raven still had been having trouble getting accustomed to since the destruction of the Darkness. His black hair was long and tied behind his head into a ponytail.

"Allow me to explain what's happening..."

*

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon him.

Lithmenar was growing weary of the people before him and attempted to take matters into his own hands by grabbing one of his throwing knives and ramming it into the cards upon the table. However, the weapon merely passed harmlessly through the table as if it were air. He narrowed his eyes and grumbled, turning around and instantly facing a new individual.

The man before him was wearing the garb of a thief, with relatively bright colors adorning his shirt and pants while light leather armoring covered his torso, arms, and legs. His skin was a bit darker and two scars ran across his face from his cheeks to his ears, which were pointed a little, as though he was part Elf. His hair was a bright green and he smiled just like any other thief who worked within the Thieves' Guild's barriers.

"Hello, everyone. Allow me to explain what's happening..."

*

Louis wasn't quite sure of what to make of the individual before him. After he had moved forward to get a better look at the chess pieces on the board, he had heard the Stranger announce his presence to everyone. To Louis, he appeared to be a man in his early twenties, Caucasian skin, with one of the nicest suits he had ever seen. It was entirely white, even going down to the gloves and shoes. The only things that weren't white on the person were his sunglasses, which were the standard blackened hue for the eyewear.

"I can understand how this is all very confusing for you. Believe me, this is a different sort of experience for myself, since I'm not used to communicating to humans in this domain," the Stranger stated.

Before Louis could raise his voice for a question, the Stranger spoke answered him, or, rather, he answered Indow:

"I am the Stranger, Ms. Chyprea. I serve as the liaison between the Pillars of Magic and the world you know as Sin."

Louis once again tried to ask a question, but once more the Stranger spoke before he had the chance. "You are not able to see each other because the two individuals who you've been hearing grabbed you from the dimensional passage at the same time, placing you each in different sections of their domains rather quickly so as not to interrupt the things they are doing, Ms. Aver. I will now bring you back together again so that you are not separated any longer."

And with that, the five were once again together again, this time in the gray domain that Louis had been in. Indow and Louis immediately embraced while the others took their time to inspect the two silent figures that went about the 'game' they were playing.

"My love, I do not believe we are meant to be here," Indow said as she slowly let go of Louis.

"Tell me about it. Who are those two?" Louis inquired.

"This Stranger said they were part of the Pillars, but I have some doubt about that," White Raven answered.

"Why? What are the Pillars?" Jordahn asked.

"There are many religions that dominate Sin, but there is one in particular that focuses around what many to believe to be the 'Goddess' of Sin. They are the Followers of Kaos and they serve she who granted all magic to Sin: Mistress Kaos Dragon. According to the legends surrounding her, the hierarchy that works below her disseminates magic to Sin while she controls the hierarchy. The Stranger is spoken about in legend, as well, as a liaison between the Pillars and Sin," Indow explained.

"Why are those two dressed in white and black? Are they supposed to be connotations of good and evil?" Louis questioned.

The Stranger laughed. "Nothing so melodramatic. They are, however, opposite ends of a spectrum all their own. I really wish I could explain it better, but I don't know myself. I know that they each hold within them the direct link to the dark and light magic, although no one's really sure which one holds which, despite what the colors might say."

"We still haven't been told what it is we're doing here," White Raven pointed out.

The Stranger nodded and began to walk away from the five.

"That's quite correct. Come with me."

They did, following closely behind him as the realm slowly began to change from gray to white.

"Once upon a time, there was an individual who, using the magical sciences of Sin, discovered a way to transverse dimensional barriers and landed on a planet named Earth. The problem is that the spell he used had more power than he or any of us realized at the time. The spell allowed him to enter into this realm without anyone knowing. Oh, sure, the Pillars detected a presence, almost as if a wind had suddenly blown across skin. They ignored it however, thinking it was just some sort of dimensional eddy current. When he went through the passage again, it got a lot more attention. In case someone tried the spell again, the Pillars remained on guard to find out exactly what was going on.

"When you initiated the spell, we immediately located you and pulled you from the passageway. However, Etoqek and Na-Ha-Rel have different mentalities from one another and simply plucked you out without any plan and set you into the various areas of the realms. You were separated from each other, but not from the two. They analyzed you for a bit before calling me in to deal with you since it's been deemed that you're not a threat to them," the Stranger explained.

"Wait a minute, those two were Na-Ha-Rel and Etoqek?!" Indow exclaimed, looking behind her towards the area where the two shrouded figures had been.

"You sound awfully surprised, Ms. Chyprea. What were you expecting?" the Stranger wondered, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, they are the second Pillars, the direct links to Mistress Kaos Dragon, and the power sources behind the Angel's Vengeance and Soul Destroyer spells. I expected them to be... bigger."

The Stranger grinned. "Big things come in small packages, Ms. Chyprea. Come along, now."

They continued walking and Louis spoke up: "You know, you seem to know about us, but we know nothing about you. Who exactly are you?"

"Oh, I know everything about the mortals. There have only been a few rare circumstances where that ability fails me, but otherwise I know a lot about each of you, including your feelings, histories, and experiences. As for myself, I am as I appear to all of you - a Stranger. I take on a slightly pleasing form, a curse that befell me as a result of a past wrongdoing that I'd rather not speak of," the Stranger expositioned as the area changed to a darker hue once again.

"Jeez, what is it with bad pasts on this planet? It's as if my life has become a giant fantasy cliché..." Louis joked.

"All life is a cliché, dear Mr. Williamson. After all, most events in it repeat over and over again with only a little variation from the original things behind it. Now, that doesn't make it any less special since, after all, individual convictions, emotions, and personalities all sort out to make each a different experience, but if you look at the cycle that they follow... well, it tends to be repetitive on the average."

"I just know that I want to get home."

"To Earth? Why in Kaos' name would you want to go to such a dismal little place? I frankly think you'd be better off staying on Sin."

Louis raised an eyebrow. "And what would you know about Earth, exactly? I thought you were the liaison to the mortal population of Sin."

"I am. I also know almost everything to know about Earth and your humans," the Stranger answered, stopping in the middle of a black area and raising his hand up.

A small ball of white energy appeared in the Stranger's hand that pulsed as he breathed. The Stranger looked into the ball and closed his eyes.

"And why should you have to know about Earth's humans? The only one of them that was on Sin was Louis," Jordahn stated.

The Stranger frowned and opened his eyes, the irises now glowing a bright gold. "Because it was an Earth human who originally destroyed Sin."

And with that, Louis' group disappeared before they could ask him any further.

*

The next thing that Louis Williamson felt was a sharp pain in the back of his head. He let out a profanity as he closed his eyes and fell to the floor, holding the back of his head where he had bumped it from the impact. He opened his eyes and looked down at the gray wood floor, coughing for a moment as the dusty air around it reacted with his nose. He rolled over onto his back and breathed in, looking up at the wooden ceiling. Wooden shelves lined the aisle that he laid in. There were metal armors sitting on the shelves, dust covering them and age taking away their luster and polish. Louis groaned as he was reminded of the bump on the back of his head. He brought his hand around and felt his- hair?

Louis' eyes went wide and he sat up. His right hand still had the gauntlet on it, but his left was bare and he ran it through his full head of hair, even taking off the white cap that was sitting on it. Ignoring the pain on the back of his head, he began to chuckle, laughing maniacally as he stood up and tossed the cap into the air.

"My HAIR! My beautiful, beautiful hair!" he laughed wildly.

"My love!"

Louis let go of his brown hair and looked to his right. The other four were laying down the aisle about ten feet away from him and were noticeably upset over their position. Indow climbed off of the others and ran to Louis, embracing him as dust gathered at the edges of her Priestess robes. Louis hugged her back, chuckling a little as tears rolled down his eyes.

"My God, Indow, I'm home! I'm really home! And I have hair again!"

Indow giggled and kissed him on the cheek. "I can tell. The energies here are... different."

"Whoever's on top of me should get off now!" Lithmenar roared from beneath Jordahn and White Raven.

The two women complied and stood up, brushing themselves off as Lithmenar grumbled silently about being beneath two women. He looked over at Louis and Indow, who were still caught up in their embrace, and rolled his eyes.

"Are you two quite finished? Frankly, I'm not impressed by Earth so far," he stated.

Louis smiled and winked at Indow, breaking away from her to look around. "Trust me, Lithie, you will be. This is where my journey first began and it's where a new one's going to start; only this time I'm going to be the guide for all of you. I'm going to pay back all of the help you guys gave me by helping you through things here. It's going to be a neat little ride, guys, with things that will either amaze or irritate. I'll show you delights of the tongue and sickness of the stomach. It's going to be awesome to see everything again and enjoy it all and, from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends to share it with."

Louis took Indow's arm and began running for the entrance of the antique store.

"Come on, you guys!" he called out to them. "We've got work to do!"

Next Time: More mystery box cliffhanger shit, I assume.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

You could've easily cut this chapter down to a third if the fellowship hadn't been split up for no reason.

RiffingShow

Indow set a Netersao jewel on top of a wooden pedestal, which rested in the center of a circle of yellow powder.

It's Garlot dust. If you have to introduce dumb fantasy terms, at least use them consistently.
And why does the pedestal need to be made out of wood? Stone sounds a lot more fitting for a ritual, but I guess they're harder to come by in the field.

"When will you be ready?" Louis asked, eager to get along.

"A few more minutes. The last time I chanted a Teleportation Vortex, it was with the assistance of others and I want to make sure that I know how to operate the spell on my own," she answered, her eyes now glued to a spell book in front of her.

That was just a teleportation network meant to teleport an entire army around. I'm sure you've teleported a lot of individual soldiers yourself during this.
An why didn't she get to teleport shit around more often? Couldn't you have used this more often to cut down on your travel times? Or do those teleport wizards that everyone keeps using off-screen have a monopoly on long-distance teleporation?

"Well, folks, the bus is leaving in another minute. Do we have everything?" Louis inquired the others, wanting to make sure that nothing was left behind when they got to Earth.

What are you afraid of leaving behind? The history book? One of Gyaru Casca's axes? Your favorite pisspot?

"I have packed away all of my belongings and have nothing to spare. I'm assuming that weight will not be a factor in this since Netersao was able to transport several people along with him when he first made the trip," White Raven answered.

The teleportation would later fuse her armor to her body.

"I am eagerly anticipating the prospect of seeing your world, Louis. Perhaps I can see then why such an arrogant boy could be so popular among the dominant religion of Sin," Jordahn joked.

You do realize this "dominant religion of Sin" exists exclusively to worship him as their messiah? They can't just decide tha the messiah isn't cool enough for them, after all.

"Let's get this over with. I want to see what sort of advancements in theft technology have been developed in your futuristic world, kid!" Lithmenar stated, picking up his bags and approaching the circle.

I don't think you will find phishing or grandparent scams especially exciting.

Indow put down her book and warned, "Don't step inside the circle until the ceremony is complete. This is going to be a delicate procedure and breaking the circle will disrupt the spell and force me to do it all over again..."

It seems she doesn't think highly of her companions' intelligence.

"... and from what I've seen, the journey is going to be a draining one for all of us. Let us pray that when we land on Earth, there will be some beds for us to relax in."

I'm sure they will conveniently emerge in Linkara's hometown (probably in the mystery antique shop), but there ought to be a good chance for them to end up in the ocean or a desert.

"According to the writings of the two Sorcerers who accompanied Netersao, unlike a normal Teleportation Vortex, this will feel more like traveling through a bright tunnel than the instant travel from the standard Vortex."

"If the spell works like it's supposed to, a yellow portal will appear just outside of the circle."

Yellow? Everyone knows magic portals are blue or at least silver - especially if you create them with the help of blue crystals.

When the ceremony is complete, the portal will remain open for about a minute and then collapse. We have that time to enter the portal and no more.

They should have plenty of time unless Linkara starts spouting pseudo-philosophical nonsense again.

Although the corridor will not collapse on us, we still have to travel its short distance of about ten feet before we reach the other end and, hopefully, Earth.

Ten feet aka two D&D squares? What the fuck kind of weaksauce non-instantaneous teleportation is this?
This sounds like some minor drawback someone settled on for a create-your-own-spell system to get the difficulty rating just below a certain threshold.

"No talking while I'm performing the spell, lest I get distracted and end up accidentally summoning up a demon that will subsequently devour all of us. Understood?"

I feel like this primarily aimed at Linkara.

The group gave her head nods in acknowledgment.

"Good," she said, walking over to the Netersao jewel and closing her eyes, "then I will begin."

On with the cringy incantation. I wonder if it'll be English or Gibberish? The latter has sadly gone a bit out of favor recently afaik.

Indow closed her eyes and extended her arms, silently beginning her chants.

It's not exactly a chant if you're not chanting.

She moved her arms in a circle parallel to the one on the ground...

Is this some kind of Drunken Fist stance? There's like that one where you're pretending to carry around a barrel of booze.

... and as they went past the candles, the tips of the candles lit ablaze, giving a brief spark of life upwards before subsiding into normal flames.

Is lighting the candles with magic part of the ritual, or is she just showing off?

With the added heat, the Garlot dust began to disintegrate and merge with the flames of the candles.

I think you're overselling the heat that those tiny candles can give off.
Unless they're really short and close to the ground.

Indow opened her eyes and began to speak: "Queen of the moon, your servant calls upon your wisdom and skill!"

Is Queen Serenity one of the Linkaran angels? 'Cause otherwise this incantations sounds a bit like heresy.

The fading yellow dust merged with the flames and made them grow brighter, larger, and turn a deeper yellow hue.

"We ask for a doorway onto another piece of your beloved land, the soil and spirit of the sin itself!"

It's not exactly her land when it's not on the moon - and that's not even going into how they want to travel to a completely different planet/dimension.

The Vortex was already starting to form in front of the iron receptacle, the metal somehow drawing it closer.

"Search my mind, oh ruler of the night skies, for the place I wish your doorway to open!"

• Just tell Her Highness the destination already, you lazy bint.
• Shouldn't Linkara have a better mental image of the place, or do you think your mind adventure is a close enough approximation?
• How did this work in the original ritual? They had no idea where they'd end up.

The flames suddenly flashed up past Indow's height, but instead of dissipating into the morning air, the flames curved and bent inwards, being absorbed into the Netersao crystal.

"The plants shun you without your sister the sun, but I welcome you with open arms, my Queen!"

Now you're just trying to placate her by talking shit about plants.
I'm probably spending too much effort into breaking down this incantation, but fuck it.

The remaining dust was quickly eaten up by the heat, boiling away into steam and taken into the melting wax of the candles.

"TELEPORTATION VORTEX!"

That's "Vortex of Teleportation", bigot.

As the energies were emptied from the jewel, the Teleportation Vortex's gateway fully emerged, but, as was written in Netersao's journal, the portal was colored a bright yellow instead of blue.

That means it's not to be trusted.

In a line, Indow entered first and was followed by Louis. Then came Lithmenar, and Jordahn. However, as White Raven got close to the portal, the energies around it making her short white hair blow around a bit, she stopped and looked around, a chill running up her spine as she felt someone's eyes gazing down at her. She shook it off, knowing that this was her only chance to go with her friends and stepped into the portal.

Probably nothing. There are no threats left on Sin, remember?

Ten seconds later, the portal vanished.

It can't have taken the other four more than ten seconds to enter the portal, so I guess Raven just stared at nothing for over thirty seconds?

*

Louis shuddered and slowly made his way through the portal, wondering if maybe finding an alternate means back to Earth would've have been worth his time.

What? A 10-foot-stroll through a transdimensional vortex is too inconvenient for you?

He felt as if he were trapped in the middle of a blizzard, strong, temperature-less winds constantly pressing down on him as he pushed on towards the other end of the portal, represented in front of him by a gateway of yellow light.

Oh no, the wind is too inconvenient for our dainty hero.

The others were having a similar time trying to cope with the harsh environment. Each step they made felt harder and heavier than the previous, making it increasingly difficult for them to make it across the distance.

Either Linkara (the author) didn't understand distances correctly, or the bit of the documentation about this hyperspace tunnel being ten feet was a bit off. I certainly don't think that five people in full wandering gear can even physically exist in this small an area at the same time.

Louis tried to shout to Indow to see if this had been part of the description of the experience, but his calls were muffled by the noise generated by the wind.

You'd think the report would've mentioned that.

Louis winced as he saw Indow suddenly collapse before she made it to the exit and tried to quicken his pace. However, the energy he had to exert in order to reach her drained him completely and he collapsed beside the girl he loved.

JFC, can't you just activate Angel Armor mode and power through?

The other three, trying to reach them, arrived at the same point and then fell forward and into unconsciousness.

You're a bunch of pussies if those wizard nerds made it through just fine.

*

What are they?

Idiots.

Indow opened her eyes again, realizing that she was no longer in the entranceway of the tunnel but in a black void.

Okay.

Her first reaction to the area was to remind her of an experience Louis had told her about. When he was in the past, when the shadow creature had attacked him, it drew him into a black void in order to gain information about the armor.

Naturally this must be the same thing, since there is no other kind of black void.

He had resisted it, but not without a lot of personal torment as a result.

He only suffered torment because it took him too long to remember that he is Mind God.

Indow wondered if they had been attacked by shadows within the portal and were now captured by the forces that controlled the shadows.

And they keep you alive because...?

Upon closer examination, I believe they are similar to the ones who came before.

This is bolded in the text, btw. I guess it's too tell us that this is a different hyperspace entity than the one that spoke in italics earlier.
Personally I'd just leave it ambiguous how many people are talking, or have the dialogue itself serve as context. It just looks a bit garish and silly to use formatting like this, especially if there are more than two speaking parts, which will then require various combinations of italics, bold and underline.

And I guess what this spell actually does is strand you at the doorsteps of the Prophets from DS9, which will then just dump you on Earth for fun?

It is female... and, if I am examining correctly, I believe she is a servant of our Queens.

Hey now, the incantation mentioned only one queen. And how does anal-probing reveal that to you? Does she have fancy tattoos or something?

Both together? I have heard of such people who are united under both through the magicks, but I have never actually encountered one.

A bit late to bust out the weird esoteric mystery bullshit, isn't it?

But there were some who came through here once, which is why we started to keep vigil on the passage in the first place.

Yeah yeah, we get it. That other wizard group existed.

"Who... Who are you?" Indow asked.

She speaks.

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

Okay, the "white-haired one" is Raven, but who is the "servant of the two Queens"? I thought that was Indow? But instead it's apparently Gyaru Casca or Linkara? Now I'm confused.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

The other two, have they awoken?

They are stirring now.

Indow stood up. "But, I don't understand..."

The "other two"? I thought you were five.

"...Who are you?"

She speaks.

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

Jordahn narrowed her eyes.

Great. Now they're repeating themselves.

When she had woken up, she had found herself in the same predicament as Indow - in a black void and hearing two voices that actually instilled images of color within her mind. One had a distinct voice that elicited thought of blackness while the other evoked a sense of white, yet they were the same and mixed.

I guess being vegan lets you hear colors.

"Show yourselves or I shall cut your voices from the air!" she threatened.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

Jordahn became noticeably angered by the comment.

"Limited?! I don't understand, where..."

Repetition makes things deeper and more mysterious, right?

"...is everyone?"

As does the white-haired one and the servant of the two Queens.

White Raven took in a deep breath and tried to make her eyes not wander.

And another round of the transdimensional hyperspace god aliens spouting the same nonsense.

Will we get more repetition for Lithmenar and Linkara, or is this somehow limited to the ladies?

She felt as if she had been torn away from the tunnel, as if her very soul had been snatched up in the passageway and set down somewhere else.

That's a weird feeling.

Unlike Indow and Jordahn, she was in a void of pure white with no clearly defined lines or space markers to indicate how large the space was.

Just say she's in a white void. Don't compare shit to the others whose whereabouts she has no idea of.

"What is happening?" she asked to the voices she had just heard.

Do they not comprehend what is happening?

They are limited. Their existence is keyed to the realm of flesh and soul.

White Raven bit her lower lip. "I fear you do not even truly see or understand me."

The other two, have they awoken?

Linkara (the author) somehow made an alien abduction / divine intervention boring.

*

They are stirring now.

Lithmenar's eyes shot open and he grabbed a throwing knife. He threw it in the direction of the voices. However, it didn't seem to be necessary, anyway, since the two didn't seem to be particularly interested in him at the moment. The knife merely flew towards them and passed on, never even indicating that it had gone any closer to them. He looked around in the gray void he was in and at the two gentlemen sitting in front of him.

Figures that the dudes would get a different scene.

Well, actually, he couldn't tell what the two people's genders were. They were sitting at opposite sides of a table, one covered in black robes that concealed every inch of his (his being a relative term since, after all, he wasn't sure what they really were) body while the other was clad in white robes that seemed every bit the opposite of his companion's outfit. Their hands, covered in gloves that matched their outfits, were playing some sort of card game that Lithmenar didn't recognize.

"Every bit the opposite of his companion's outfit"

You see, one is white, and the other is black.
And I guess one is covered in shit, and the other isn't.

Also everyone knows that strange, god-like entities prefer to play chess.

They ask simplistic questions or attempt feeble attacks on us.

You should not be so quick to dismiss them. They are, after all, the children of Kaos.

Fucking Skylanders.

Yes, but sometimes I simply do not understand them.

I sometimes wish we had more contact with the mortals through which we ask to be our aides in this.

Then get out some more, you damn NEETs.
And JFC that sentence structure. I can see at leas two ways to interpret this nonsense about aides.

Indeed. However, the balance does not allow for it. We must, instead, call upon one who is more suited to this sort of... activity.

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon for him.

So they have a dedicated tard wrangler for mortals?

*

They are stirring now.

Louis groaned and held his head, wondering if perhaps one of the alcoholic drinks from Sin did actually have more of an effect on him than he had previously thought possible.

When during your hasty retreat from Peasantkicking did you have time for booze?

He raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he saw that, several feet away from him, there were two figures sitting at a table. One wore an entirely white business suit along with a white hat that covered up his facial features. The other one wore conversely clad in an entirely black suit, a black hat sitting on his head and shrouding his features.

Those are some weird hats. Are they oversized sombreros or something?

Louis assumed that they were both a 'he,' but left the possibility that one or both might be female in his mind.

Then use "they", ffs.

There was a chessboard between them, but they didn't seem to be playing by the traditional rules. They simply seemed to arbitrarily move pieces about wherever they wanted, occasionally taking a piece but then having the same kind of piece reform later on another part of the board.

Must be at least 5D chess.

"What am I doing here? Who are you people?" Louis queried.

They ask simplistic questions or attempt feeble attacks on us.

You should not be so quick to dismiss them. They are, after all, the children of Kaos.

Yes, but sometimes I simply do not understand them.

I sometimes wish we had more contact with the mortals through which we ask to be our aides in this.

I like how our heroes get a different transdimensional cutscene depending on their gender.

Louis raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Aides in what? What is..."

*

"...going on here?" Indow asked.

Indeed, however, the balance does not allow for it. We must, instead, call upon one who is more suited to this sort of... activity.

The Stranger?

Yes. We shall summon him.

I guess the implication is that this is all happening at the same time? Doesn't make it any less annoying to read, though.

"Hello, everyone."

Indow turned around as she heard a new voice enter the fray.

Here comes a new challengers!

However, instead of being like the ones that she had heard reverberate throughout the black realm, this one came from a physical presence behind her. When she looked upon the man who had spoken, she was quite shocked to find an Anako healer standing before her. He was garbed in traditional skins of animal prey that had been taken by Anako hunters, but he carried with him medical supplies. Indow giggled a little as she looked at his head, which had two cat ears coming out of his hair, reflecting his brown fur. The hereditary trait of having an extra set of ears on one's head had become more common in the Shadae Islands, she had heard, but she hadn't thought she'd encounter someone with it here, of all places.

Oh right. Friendly reminder that the catgirl protagonist doesn't actually have cat ears.

Also I'd say that's more than just a "hereditary trait". That's a fucking mutation. And what's so funny about it, anyways?

"Allow me to explain what's happening..."

"You're probably wondering how you gut yourself into this situation..."

*

Jordahn growled and started swinging her axe at the air, praying that her opponents were simply out of sight.

Classic Gyaru Casca. Put her in a featureless void with disembodied voices, and she'll go full Jack Torrance in a matter of minutes.

She was already sick of the dark environment that she found herself in and wanted out. She was no longer listening to the voices that were speaking and simply wanted to try to kill something or knock them away. She simply wanted freedom from the space around her where she couldn't tell where one part ended and another began.

I don't think she's taking this very well.

"Hello, everyone."

Jordahn swung her axe at the newcomer, but stopped herself just before it reached his neck. The man before her was standing straight and tall, a smile across his tanned face. Jordahn brought her axe away and put it behind her back, bringing her hand into the air and proclaiming "hail" to the man in front of her before putting her arm back at her side again. He was dressed in Kien military garb, the rank insignia across his chest indicating that he was a general.

"Allow me to explain what's happening..."

Oh, so you only want to kill your direct superior, and immediately do a Roman salute to an even higher superior?

And fuck me, are we gonna have to go through this song-and-dance routine for every member of the fellowship? Allow me to abridge it then.

*

White Raven decided that there was only one thing to do in a time like this: meditate. She sat down and closed her eyes, deciding to search now for a similar situation like this in some sort of book that would be able to provide her some sort of reference point for an explanation for her incarceration in the white void. However, the instant she tried to reach the cathedral, she found herself blocked. Her spirit hit against a wall, unable to leave the confines of the void.

I like how she's trying to use Zen Wikipedia all the time now, but always runs into a different excuse why it won't do her any good.

White Raven stood up and turned around, raising an eyebrow in curiosity at the person who had appeared before her. He took on the appearance of a Dark Knight, the black armor gleaming with polish and with minimal customizations that many Dark Knights had indulged in like spikes, chains, or blades. He was smiling, a sight that White Raven still had been having trouble getting accustomed to since the destruction of the Darkness. His black hair was long and tied behind his head into a ponytail.

Not gonna raise the smile counter for that one, since it's just some kind of illusion.

*

Lithmenar was growing weary of the people before him and attempted to take matters into his own hands by grabbing one of his throwing knives and ramming it into the cards upon the table. However, the weapon merely passed harmlessly through the table as if it were air. He narrowed his eyes and grumbled, turning around and instantly facing a new individual.

And here's another one with anger issues.

The man before him was wearing the garb of a thief, with relatively bright colors adorning his shirt and pants while light leather armoring covered his torso, arms, and legs. His skin was a bit darker and two scars ran across his face from his cheeks to his ears, which were pointed a little, as though he was part Elf. His hair was a bright green and he smiled just like any other thief who worked within the Thieves' Guild's barriers.

Apparently all thieves smile?

*

Louis wasn't quite sure of what to make of the individual before him.

When in doubt, kick him in the nuts.

After he had moved forward to get a better look at the chess pieces on the board, he had heard the Stranger announce his presence to everyone. To Louis, he appeared to be a man in his early twenties, Caucasian skin, with one of the nicest suits he had ever seen. It was entirely white, even going down to the gloves and shoes. The only things that weren't white on the person were his sunglasses, which were the standard blackened hue for the eyewear.

Sounds tacky.

"I can understand how this is all very confusing for you. Believe me, this is a different sort of experience for myself, since I'm not used to communicating to humans in this domain," the Stranger stated.

Well, apparently this is your job, so deal with it.

Before Louis could raise his voice for a question, the Stranger spoke answered him, or, rather, he answered Indow:

JFC. Just summon everyone to the same spot already.

"I am the Stranger, Ms. Chyprea. I serve as the liaison between the Pillars of Magic and the world you know as Sin."

That explains everything.
And shouldn't this be "Pillars of Magick" with a "k" at the end?

Louis once again tried to ask a question, but once more the Stranger spoke before he had the chance. "You are not able to see each other because the two individuals who you've been hearing grabbed you from the dimensional passage at the same time, placing you each in different sections of their domains rather quickly so as not to interrupt the things they are doing, Ms. Aver. I will now bring you back together again so that you are not separated any longer."

Oh please. Put them all back together so we can move on.

"My love, I do not believe we are meant to be here," Indow said as she slowly let go of Louis.

You just don't want to admit that you screwed up royally with your translation.

"Tell me about it. Who are those two?" Louis inquired.

"This Stranger said they were part of the Pillars, but I have some doubt about that," White Raven answered.

Bitch we don't even know what those "Pillars" are.

"Why? What are the Pillars?" Jordahn asked.

"There are many religions that dominate Sin, but there is one in particular that focuses around what many to believe to be the 'Goddess' of Sin. They are the Followers of Kaos and they serve she who granted all magic to Sin: Mistress Kaos Dragon. According to the legends surrounding her, the hierarchy that works below her disseminates magic to Sin while she controls the hierarchy. The Stranger is spoken about in legend, as well, as a liaison between the Pillars and Sin," Indow explained.

• This little tale of yourse doesn't actually include anything about "Pillars".
• How come we've never heard of this religion before? I thought we've already covered all the major ones.
• I thought magic was discovered by the Linkaran church after they started playing around with magic crystal dust. And afaik the Linkaran church holds a monopoly for non-evil spellcasters. Where does this dragon lady fall into this?

"Why are those two dressed in white and black? Are they supposed to be connotations of good and evil?" Louis questioned.

Man, you're racist.

The Stranger laughed. "Nothing so melodramatic. They are, however, opposite ends of a spectrum all their own. I really wish I could explain it better, but I don't know myself. I know that they each hold within them the direct link to the dark and light magic, although no one's really sure which one holds which, despite what the colors might say."

Just ask them?

"Once upon a time, there was an individual who, using the magical sciences of Sin, discovered a way to transverse dimensional barriers and landed on a planet named Earth. The problem is that the spell he used had more power than he or any of us realized at the time. The spell allowed him to enter into this realm without anyone knowing. Oh, sure, the Pillars detected a presence, almost as if a wind had suddenly blown across skin. They ignored it however, thinking it was just some sort of dimensional eddy current. When he went through the passage again, it got a lot more attention. In case someone tried the spell again, the Pillars remained on guard to find out exactly what was going on.

Aka "Man, that was weird. Let's wait and see if it'll happen again."

"When you initiated the spell, we immediately located you and pulled you from the passageway. However, Etoqek and Na-Ha-Rel have different mentalities from one another and simply plucked you out without any plan and set you into the various areas of the realms. You were separated from each other, but not from the two. They analyzed you for a bit before calling me in to deal with you since it's been deemed that you're not a threat to them," the Stranger explained.

I think they just got annoyed.
And why do these two guys use completely different naming systems?

"Wait a minute, those two were Na-Ha-Rel and Etoqek?!" Indow exclaimed, looking behind her towards the area where the two shrouded figures had been.

"You sound awfully surprised, Ms. Chyprea. What were you expecting?" the Stranger wondered, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, they are the second Pillars, the direct links to Mistress Kaos Dragon, and the power sources behind the Angel's Vengeance and Soul Destroyer spells. I expected them to be... bigger."

So I guess magic is now operating under a lame ripoff of the Slayers cosmology?

They continued walking and Louis spoke up: "You know, you seem to know about us, but we know nothing about you. Who exactly are you?"

"Oh, I know everything about the mortals. There have only been a few rare circumstances where that ability fails me, but otherwise I know a lot about each of you, including your feelings, histories, and experiences. As for myself, I am as I appear to all of you - a Stranger. I take on a slightly pleasing form, a curse that befell me as a result of a past wrongdoing that I'd rather not speak of," the Stranger expositioned as the area changed to a darker hue once again.

You sound more like the Stalker IMO.

"Jeez, what is it with bad pasts on this planet? It's as if my life has become a giant fantasy cliché..." Louis joked.

Being aware of it doesn't excuse it.

"All life is a cliché, dear Mr. Williamson. After all, most events in it repeat over and over again with only a little variation from the original things behind it. Now, that doesn't make it any less special since, after all, individual convictions, emotions, and personalities all sort out to make each a different experience, but if you look at the cycle that they follow... well, it tends to be repetitive on the average."

Every day, an Indow gets raped.

"I just know that I want to get home."

"To Earth? Why in Kaos' name would you want to go to such a dismal little place? I frankly think you'd be better off staying on Sin."

Hey now. It's only mostly harmless.

"I am. I also know almost everything to know about Earth and your humans," the Stranger answered, stopping in the middle of a black area and raising his hand up.

A small ball of white energy appeared in the Stranger's hand that pulsed as he breathed. The Stranger looked into the ball and closed his eyes.

"And why should you have to know about Earth's humans? The only one of them that was on Sin was Louis," Jordahn stated.

I guess he visited the place in his free time.

The Stranger frowned and opened his eyes, the irises now glowing a bright gold. "Because it was an Earth human who originally destroyed Sin."

And with that, Louis' group disappeared before they could ask him any further.

Sure, throw another mystery box onto the pile. Maybe the fourth book might actually resolve some of it.

*

The next thing that Louis Williamson felt was a sharp pain in the back of his head. He let out a profanity as he closed his eyes and fell to the floor, holding the back of his head where he had bumped it from the impact.

It might just get a sensible chuckle out of me if he actually did shout "PROFANITY!"

He opened his eyes and looked down at the gray wood floor, coughing for a moment as the dusty air around it reacted with his nose. He rolled over onto his back and breathed in, looking up at the wooden ceiling. Wooden shelves lined the aisle that he laid in. There were metal armors sitting on the shelves, dust covering them and age taking away their luster and polish.

Of course they've ended up in the antique shop.

Louis groaned as he was reminded of the bump on the back of his head. He brought his hand around and felt his- hair?

Louis' eyes went wide and he sat up. His right hand still had the gauntlet on it, but his left was bare and he ran it through his full head of hair, even taking off the white cap that was sitting on it. Ignoring the pain on the back of his head, he began to chuckle, laughing maniacally as he stood up and tossed the cap into the air.

"My HAIR! My beautiful, beautiful hair!" he laughed wildly.

Oh well, I kept forgetting you looked like a bald Jew throughout most of this book, anyways.
Why hasn't it grown back on its own, though? That ship voyage alone took like 3-4 months.

"My love!"

Louis let go of his brown hair and looked to his right. The other four were laying down the aisle about ten feet away from him and were noticeably upset over their position. Indow climbed off of the others and ran to Louis, embracing him as dust gathered at the edges of her Priestess robes. Louis hugged her back, chuckling a little as tears rolled down his eyes.

"My God, Indow, I'm home! I'm really home! And I have hair again!"

Dunno why his hair is suddenly such a big deal.

"Whoever's on top of me should get off now!" Lithmenar roared from beneath Jordahn and White Raven.

Don't you wanna get smothered by dommy mommies?

The two women complied and stood up, brushing themselves off as Lithmenar grumbled silently about being beneath two women.

Oh, Lithmenar, our endearing sexist.

"Are you two quite finished? Frankly, I'm not impressed by Earth so far," he stated.

Just wait until you get some fast food.

Louis smiled and winked at Indow, breaking away from her to look around. "Trust me, Lithie, you will be. This is where my journey first began and it's where a new one's going to start; only this time I'm going to be the guide for all of you."

They're fucked.

"I'm going to pay back all of the help you guys gave me by helping you through things here. It's going to be a neat little ride, guys, with things that will either amaze or irritate. I'll show you delights of the tongue and sickness of the stomach. It's going to be awesome to see everything again and enjoy it all and, from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends to share it with."

That is of course if you have time for all of this between school.
And I'm not sure your parents will be thrilled to feed the weird hobos you've brought with you.

Louis took Indow's arm and began running for the entrance of the antique store.

"Come on, you guys!" he called out to them. "We've got work to do!"

They would succumb to the flu by the end of the week.

[wulfenlord]

Argh, didn't you threathen/promise that this was the last chapter?

The most generous way to describe the previous chapter would probably be "Linkara wanted an 'epic' fight scene and betrayal, but had no idea how to get there".

That weapon construct was wince and unrealistic as fuck. At least the Wachowski brothers sisters freaks are unlikely to sue him.

Linkara's little negotation team merely served as a "distraction".

If anything, this was the best part of the book, showing that the assassin's viewed Linkara and his entourage as nothing more than a couple of useful court jesters rather than diplomats, so points for realism. Also points for Linkara reciting the prewritten speech like a proud schoolboy that didn't shit himself today (yet).

Lithmenar later tries to explain this bizarre plot hole by calling his dad a hypocrite for lying to his own messiah.

Isn't the Linkaran faith a fringe religion instead of a monotheism anyway, plus they're on another continent?

But the dude can also catch knives like he's a fucking wulin or something, and he can recover from having his balls busted in a matter of seconds.

You don't become king by being a Level 0 NPC when your neighboring a country of Meuchelmörder I suppose.

"If you guys so much as look at my sister funny - and trust me, I will know - I'm gonna come for all of y'all!"

I'm shaking in my boots, that doesn't get her un-raped.

Where the one doing all the preparing and studying - Indow - still has plenty of time for leisure and sandwich-making.

As is her duty, other than open her legs for trading in goods and services.

It seems she doesn't think highly of her companions' intelligence.

I think she's adressing her shnookums specifically.

Yellow? Everyone knows magic portals are blue or at least silver - especially if you create them with the help of blue crystals.

Welcome to the realm of piss, summoned by the toilet stones.

Is lighting the candles with magic part of the ritual, or is she just showing off?

Don't talk, you'll attract the tentacle monsters.

"Search my mind, oh ruler of the night skies, for the place I wish your doorway to open!"

"Fetch the knowledge from my second-hand experience, my husbando told me of this place where chicken tendies fly into ones mouth, where the suffering of the jews is worse than any slavery on this planet, which he called "a shithole", but I know he said it in jest."

The other two, have they awoken?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Argh, didn't you threathen/promise that this was the last chapter?

There must always be an epilogue for pointless cliffhangering.

Isn't the Linkaran faith a fringe religion instead of a monotheism anyway, plus they're on another continent?

It's one of the largest religions on Sin, and the branch on this other continent is supposedly even more bigoted than normal.
Also no fucking idea if any Sinnian faith is monotheistic. I guess the Terafellas only ever mentioned a single god?
Fuck, I don't even know if the other religions even have gods.

As is her duty, other than open her legs for trading in goods and services.

A shame this main source of income for her is illegal in the States.
AFAIK, at least.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 3, Epilogue
(Or: The Cliffhanger to end all Cliffhangers)



What more horrors are in store for me in this epilogue? Let's find out!

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 10
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember:

• Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
• The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

Again only half joking.
So Indow finally performs her Stargate ritual. They enter and get wrecked by hyperspace storms or something. They get picked up by a duo of magic gods or something, who mutter some mystery bullshit before calling for the designated mortal tard wrangler, who then proceeds to kick them out to Earth - but not before telling them that a previous isekai hero from Earth wrecked Sin in the distant past (which might just be elaborated on in the 4th book, but I'm not getting my hopes up).

This chapter was very annoying to read and padded to shit because the fellowship got split up and had to react to the same mystery bullshit on their own, which meant reading the same stupid dialogue five times.

Worldbuilding tidbits

• A religion on Sin that has is both unnamed and has never been brought up before worships some kind of magic dragon goddess, who distributes magic to Sin with the help of her minions, which are called "Pillars" for some reason. Also two or more minions can be the same "Pillar", because why not.
  • This goes pretty much against anything that has been established about magic in previous books - specifically how the Linkarans discovered/invented magic.
  • I'm pretty sure Linkara (the author) just decided out of a whim to retcon his magic system into something resembling the one from Slayers - particularly with how certain high-end spells are "powered by" specific Pillars (in Slayers those high-end spells have you call upon the powers of a demon lord).

ChapterShow

"Here it is, Varek - the instrument of our vengeance."

For months, Myrrha and Varek had evaded capture from their pursuers, only facing them in combat twice. Myrrha had needed to sneak back into Soyah a few times to retrieve a few books that were necessary for the plan she had set up for gaining revenge on the Linkara. Any time the two did run into A'Trex and Tempus again, they had managed to dispatch them quickly enough to once again make their escape and continue with their journey. Myrrha had kept the actual location of the building in question hidden to Varek in case he decided to go after the building himself.

The destination in question was a large church that had only been half-constructed. It was built into the side of a small mountain, one of the few that existed in Jilad. The finished parts of the church were built in black metal and curved in several areas, the original design probably having been planned to use a dome shape for the top of it if it had been completed. The unfinished areas were highlighted by the wood and metal framework that wasn't covered by any specific walls or outer casing. Myrrha and Varek went through the large arched doorway of the church and promptly sealed it behind them using the locking bar that the Darkness had installed in it.

"It certainly took us long enough to get here. Are we even sure we can finish this ceremony in time? How close behind are they?" Varek asked.

"I'd say we have about fifteen minutes before they get here. That will be more than enough time to activate the device," Myrrha replied, grinning as she walked deeper into the church.

"Why was I never told about this place? I was one of the Darkness' top generals. He would confide in us about his plans all the time. He never mentioned anything about a church."

"There are many things he never told anyone, Destroyer, even to his Riders of the Armageddon. I only found out about it in some references to a 'place of eternal worship' for him in the Black Oracle. I double-checked the information I found about it with some other books in the Darkness' possession and managed to locate it here. Two people are needed for the ceremony to open the gateway and only one person can go through at a time. You do remember what I said about the Darkness' early plans, don't you?"

Varek rolled his eyes as he examined the surroundings. "Of course I do. As much as I appreciate all of the help you've given me, Myrrha, I still do not entirely trust your supposed allegiance to the Darkness."

Myrrha simply continued to walk deeper into the church. She passed under an incomplete archway into a vast chamber that seemed to be incomplete only in the fact that there were no furnishings within it. On the opposite side of the chamber were two doors that spanned thirty feet into the air. They obviously could not be moved with simple brute strength. The two ran down into the chamber and went to the doors, seeking out keyholes on either side of the doors.

Varek opened up the pouch he had been carrying and reached into it, pulling out a small set of black keys. He tossed one over to Myrrha who caught it and put it into one of the holes next to the doors. Varek took the other one and pushed it into the other keyhole, looking to Myrrha to ensure that she was ready.

"On the count of three. One... Two... Three!" he shouted.

On three, the two turned the keys at the same time, triggering the door. The door creaked and began to slide open, a yellow light shining through the opening. The two could hear a pounding sound coming from back at the entrance of the church, indicating that their pursuers were getting close. Varek ran for the door opening that was now large enough for a person to go through. The yellow light coming through the door was producing a high-pitched noise that blew around all of the dirt and soot that covered the chamber.

"In the name of the great Darkness, I give you all of my hopes, Destroyer!" Myrrha shouted to him.

Varek narrowed his eyes at Myrrha, waiting to enter into the doorway. "I know what you're planning to do once I'm gone, Myrrha. I know about the Storehouse."

Myrrha's smile faded.

"However, I really don't care about it. The Darkness would've wanted me to kill the Linkara on my own. If I do fail, it will be up to you to complete the task we started. Do you promise me that, if I fail, you will avenge his death?" Varek asked.

Myrrha smiled. "I promise! Thankfully, that won't be necessary, Varek! You did not gain your reputation as the Destroyer by simply crushing ants beneath your feet! Good luck!"

"To both of us! In the Darkness' name!" Varek roared, grabbing his sword and unsheathing it.

He let out a battle cry and quickly charged into the yellow light. As soon as Varek disappeared from sight, Myrrha heard the sound of the metal door bursting in and breaking off of its hinges. Myrrha quickly turned the key and pulled it from the hole, allowing the door to start closing. She used her whip to grab hold of the other key and pull it from the hole, putting it back into its pouch. She then used her whip to pull herself up onto a series of steel beams, swinging across them until she reached the incomplete roof.

Three seconds later, A'Trex and Tempus charged into the chamber, weapons at the ready as A'Trex's entire military Unit followed behind him, searching for any evidence that Myrrha and Varek were still there. However, they realized that they were too late as they saw the vast doors on the opposite end of the chamber close, sending a banging echo throughout the rest of the church. A'Trex let out a grunt of anger and slammed his fist against a wall.

"By the pit, we were too late!" he shouted, his teeth gritting.

Tempus bit his lower lip and looked at the closed doors. "We might still find a way to follow them; maybe we'll find some sort of spell that would bring us to them."

A'Trex sighed and closed his eyes, clenching his fists tightly. "No, there's no time. If what we heard about this place is true, then it would take us months to locate the appropriate spell. No, the Linkara is the one we must place our faith in."

"I thought you didn't believe in the Linkara," Tempus said, walking over to A'Trex.

A'Trex opened his eyes and looked at the closed doorway. "The religion I don't believe in, but the figure himself I know exists."

Tempus narrowed his eyes at the doorway. "Come along, A'Trex. We'll gather everyone back together and find a way to help him. According to Deiji, Louis was on his way back to his home world..."

A'Trex glared at the doorway. "And now Varek and Myrrha are right behind him."

To Be Continued...

RiffingShow

"Here it is, Varek - the instrument of our vengeance."

Oh, look, it's the Dark Duo! Haven't heard of you guys in over 150 pages.

For months, Myrrha and Varek had evaded capture from their pursuers, only facing them in combat twice. Myrrha had needed to sneak back into Soyah a few times to retrieve a few books that were necessary for the plan she had set up for gaining revenge on the Linkara.

I thought your little book of ultimate evil had all the necessary spells? Or is this another instance of a text being spread all over the place for no reason?

Any time the two did run into A'Trex and Tempus again, they had managed to dispatch them quickly enough to once again make their escape and continue with their journey.

Maybe kill them next time? Should be a lot harder from them to recover from that.

Myrrha had kept the actual location of the building in question hidden to Varek in case he decided to go after the building himself.

I see you have a built a very trusting relationship.

The destination in question was a large church that had only been half-constructed.

Knowing this series, this could be anything but a church.

It was built into the side of a small mountain, one of the few that existed in Jilad.

Small mountains, or mountains in general?

The finished parts of the church were built in black metal and curved in several areas, the original design probably having been planned to use a dome shape for the top of it if it had been completed.

So which of the Sinnian religions builds mosques?
And nobody builds their churches - or any building, for that matter - out of fucking metal.

The unfinished areas were highlighted by the wood and metal framework that wasn't covered by any specific walls or outer casing.

Wood and metal? Why?

Myrrha and Varek went through the large arched doorway of the church and promptly sealed it behind them using the locking bar that the Darkness had installed in it.

So it's finished enough that there's only one entrance?

"It certainly took us long enough to get here. Are we even sure we can finish this ceremony in time? How close behind are they?" Varek asked.

"I'd say we have about fifteen minutes before they get here. That will be more than enough time to activate the device," Myrrha replied, grinning as she walked deeper into the church.

Boy, am I stoked to see Galo Linkara and Wizard Linkara again.

"Why was I never told about this place? I was one of the Darkness' top generals. He would confide in us about his plans all the time. He never mentioned anything about a church."

It didn't exist until this chapter, dummy.

"There are many things he never told anyone, Destroyer, even to his Riders of the Armageddon."

Whatever happened to those other Riders, anyways?

"I only found out about it in some references to a 'place of eternal worship' for him in the Black Oracle."

It not even being finished tells a different story.

"I double-checked the information I found about it with some other books in the Darkness' possession and managed to locate it here."

You'd think people would've stumbled upon it by accident, especially since there aren't many (small) mountains in Jilad.

"Two people are needed for the ceremony to open the gateway and only one person can go through at a time. You do remember what I said about the Darkness' early plans, don't you?"

That's awfully convenient.

Varek rolled his eyes as he examined the surroundings. "Of course I do. As much as I appreciate all of the help you've given me, Myrrha, I still do not entirely trust your supposed allegiance to the Darkness."

I'm surprised you didn't use this as an excuse to enlighten the reader about those "early plans".

And I thought she never made a secret out of not caring about this dead blob anymore? And that this trip of yours is just a mutual quest for revenge?

Myrrha simply continued to walk deeper into the church. She passed under an incomplete archway into a vast chamber that seemed to be incomplete only in the fact that there were no furnishings within it.

No sitting furniture. The horror.

On the opposite side of the chamber were two doors that spanned thirty feet into the air. They obviously could not be moved with simple brute strength. The two ran down into the chamber and went to the doors, seeking out keyholes on either side of the doors.

Why can only one enter at a time when there's a door for both?

"On the count of three. One... Two... Three!" he shouted.

On three, the two turned the keys at the same time, triggering the door. The door creaked and began to slide open, a yellow light shining through the opening.

Yellow means this leads to Earth, probably.
And when did the doors turn into a singular? Or is this supposed to be a double door?

"In the name of the great Darkness, I give you all of my hopes, Destroyer!" Myrrha shouted to him.

Varek narrowed his eyes at Myrrha, waiting to enter into the doorway. "I know what you're planning to do once I'm gone, Myrrha. I know about the Storehouse."

Myrrha's smile faded.

"However, I really don't care about it. The Darkness would've wanted me to kill the Linkara on my own. If I do fail, it will be up to you to complete the task we started. Do you promise me that, if I fail, you will avenge his death?" Varek asked.

You're a fucking idiot, Varek.

Myrrha smiled. "I promise! Thankfully, that won't be necessary, Varek! You did not gain your reputation as the Destroyer by simply crushing ants beneath your feet! Good luck!"

He got the shit kicked out of him by a teenager that didn't even have any powers.

"To both of us! In the Darkness' name!" Varek roared, grabbing his sword and unsheathing it.

He let out a battle cry and quickly charged into the yellow light.

Dude, it's just a portal.

As soon as Varek disappeared from sight, Myrrha heard the sound of the metal door bursting in and breaking off of its hinges. Myrrha quickly turned the key and pulled it from the hole, allowing the door to start closing. She used her whip to grab hold of the other key and pull it from the hole, putting it back into its pouch. She then used her whip to pull herself up onto a series of steel beams, swinging across them until she reached the incomplete roof.

Is there anything you can't do with that whip?
Oh, right. Killing your pursuers.

Speaking of, good thing they didn't notice that you can enter/leave through the roof.

Three seconds later, A'Trex and Tempus charged into the chamber, weapons at the ready as A'Trex's entire military Unit followed behind him, searching for any evidence that Myrrha and Varek were still there. However, they realized that they were too late as they saw the vast doors on the opposite end of the chamber close, sending a banging echo throughout the rest of the church. A'Trex let out a grunt of anger and slammed his fist against a wall.

"By the pit, we were too late!" he shouted, his teeth gritting.

Is "the pit" Vegan Hell?

Tempus bit his lower lip and looked at the closed doors. "We might still find a way to follow them; maybe we'll find some sort of spell that would bring us to them."

A'Trex sighed and closed his eyes, clenching his fists tightly. "No, there's no time. If what we heard about this place is true, then it would take us months to locate the appropriate spell. No, the Linkara is the one we must place our faith in."

You've already chased them for months already. Why stop now?

"I thought you didn't believe in the Linkara," Tempus said, walking over to A'Trex.

A'Trex opened his eyes and looked at the closed doorway. "The religion I don't believe in, but the figure himself I know exists."

TBF, he hasn't really been himself this whole book...

Tempus narrowed his eyes at the doorway. "Come along, A'Trex. We'll gather everyone back together and find a way to help him. According to Deiji, Louis was on his way back to his home world..."

A'Trex glared at the doorway. "And now Varek and Myrrha are right behind him."

To Be Continued...

Really? That's your final cliffhanger?
It's bad enough that we already know Myrrha never left Sin in order to search for the Legendary Storehouse (tm) (which I'm just gonna assume has a giant robot). But Varek just isn't an impressive villain at all. His one and only action scene was an unmitigated disaster, and overall any single member of the fellowship should be able to kick his ass.

Next Time: My final verdict. Spoiler alert: It stinks.