Somehow his first 2 books are still readily available new, and while I find some traces of the 3rd one, the fourth seems to be largely forgotten. I went as far as the third google search page.
Combined reviews from Amazon and GoodreadsShow
It's rouge but readable.
Hard to rate: not bad enough to be funny, and it reads like my horrible fan fiction I wrote in my teenage years. It's honestly terrible. But it has heart, tons of it.
No thanks, it isn't very good. Wouldn't recommend aside from something outside of a couple of cheap laughs, but it's a bit unfair even for that. It's like picking on a 12 year old.
This book is Not Good. It was written by a kid, and GOD does it show. But Damn is it entertaining if you know what your getting into. Warning, whatever you might be expecting, you are wrong. Also, this is not suitable for children, pregnant ladies or those with heart problems.
And there is a fairly lengthy and graphic rape scene.
So...yeah.
Oh boy, I can't wait
It's enjoyably bad...at least I think so
It's not as good as the first one, and we all know how well that turned out. Other than the introduction of Jordahn Aver, there was nothing new in this book, and the characters were even whinier than they were in the first book. If you're a fan of Angel Armor, you might like a few parts, but this one isn't even funny like the first book.
Bonus: Original artwork from the creator himselfShow
This OC needs an extra spoiler, trust meShow
Love the Banana pouches
Reminds me of Guru Larry's humble beginnings with his own abandoned webcomic, also featuring catgirls...
Last edited by wulfenlord on Sun Dec 08, 2024 8:26 am, edited 2 times in total.
Speaking of the books, it occured to me I had forgotten to link a picture of the book cover. Fixed that one for you.
Not that you missed much, I mean, look at this:
The 4th one never had an official release. To my knowledge he just handed the PDF out to people that were interested, which is how it made its way into the leaks.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
Book 1, Chapter 3 - Ups and Downs (Or: Crushing evil where it really hurts)
In this chapter, our brave hero reveals one or two surprising secrets, and manages to get lots of confusing exposition thrown at him, while managing to mostly avoid exposition important to the actual plot.
The chapterShow
Girkin considered himself the best businessman in the ANM. It was a rather strange thing for a Dwarf to work in a market, considering there were only three real classes of Dwarves: Warriors, Miners, and Builders. But for him, profit and gain were what mattered. As a child, he had taken a trip out of his home land of Terlough and visited Walsz. Seeing the luxuries in the Ai capitol, he knew that a higher life like that one was what he craved more than anything.
And so, as soon as he was 15 kiros old and passed the Age of Ascension test, he took a trip through the Sondok Mountains that protected the Terlough peninsula from ground invasion. He stole raw minerals, plants, and dust from the mountains, particularly the sixth one, known for it's vast and probably limitless wealth and the pure quality of it all. No one from Terlough's authorities had caught him, and Girkin also doubted that anyone was really after him. Still, he felt the need to be careful around wherever he went. Currently, he was handling three customers at once, all of them wanting different powders.
"I hear you sell Jujuk dust cheap."
"Yes, but you'll have to wait your-"
"How much for this Hirak dust?"
"54 korins. Now please-"
"54 korins?! That's just plain-"
"EVERYONE BE QUIET!"
The three customers were silenced by his sudden outburst. He breathed deeply, gritting his teeth. Girkin obviously didn't like being interrupted.
"You, sir, 54 korins is an acceptable price for the Hirak dust because of its rarity. You sir, we have Jujuk dust at 12 korins per pouch. And you, madam, the Urophelge dust is one Kikren. All of you, take it or leave it, all right?" he stated.
With grumbles and sighs, each of the three paid their fees for the items, and then receiving the magic dust they each wanted. Girkin let out a sigh of relief as they all left him to his peace. However, that peace was interrupted by the sudden arrival of one Rain Vendre. She was smiling, and Girkin could only assume it was because she believed that the Illician he had sold her yesterday wasn't as effective as he had made it out to be.
"Come to try to swindle me, mam?" he asked.
"Actually, I wanted to thank you for the Illician dust. It's definitely as good as you said it was, and I require another parchment of the dust." Rain replied.
Instantly, Girkin's attitude changed, becoming more positive and happy.
"Well, in that case, miss, I'll gladly fill one up! By the way, how're the Oliara roots you said you were coming back to buy?" he inquires.
"In perfect health and exactly what I need to enhance my fire abilities. However, another reason I've come back is to send a message. I already dropped off the letter at the Loaran office,” she explained.
"Really? What sort of news could you have that could put you in such a happy mood?" Girkin asked.
Rain looked around and leaned in to whisper the answer in his ear. "I just found our planet's savior."
After she pulled back, Rain handed him the two Kikrens and walked off with the new pouch of the healing medicine. Girkin merely stood there, dumbfounded by what she said, until he finally realized what she had meant: Rain had found the Linkara.
*
Louis sat up in the bed, sheets covering everything below his waist. He was being very careful, his head over the bowl of soup that he held in his hand. He carefully placed a spoon into the soup that was within the bowl and brought it to his mouth. He smiled as he swallowed it, liking the taste.
"I see you like it."
Louis looked over at Rain, who had just entered. "Indeed. Tastes like chicken noodle soup almost..."
"What's a chicken?"
"An animal where I come from. A bird that can't fly." Louis replied.
"Ah. How's your strength?" Rain asked.
"Coming back, I'm able to walk around a lot more. Albeit I'd appreciate having some pants to wear." Louis stated, blushing slightly.
Rain chuckled and walked back outside for a moment. When she returned, she tossed Louis' jeans over to him. He slipped them underneath the sheets to put them on out of her sight.
"Thanks." Louis said.
"You are quite welcome. I'd still like to know your story, though." Rain stated.
"Like I said the last time you asked, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." Louis replied with a smile. "What about you? What tale do you have to tell me?"
Rain chuckled softly. "Not anything particularly interesting. I was born in Aukalm, and my family would take me to the Linkaran church nearby and learn the ways of the Linkara. After the war with Terlough, most of my family was killed honorably in combat against the Dwarf Army, becoming the heroes of the Battle of Sondok by rescuing the top Generals before they could be killed by a Dwarf sneak attack from the South. And so thanks to my mother, brother, and sister, Ai now controls those three Sondok Mountains. My last brother fought in a recent conflict at Lake Vonal against the Darkness, however, that is another story."
"And what of your father?" Louis inquires.
"He was a priest for awhile at the Linkaran church before he undertook the Mage Tests to become a sorcerer. However, he was growing a little old and could not complete the tests. He asked me to become a sorceress of the Linkara and bring further honor to our family. I gladly took the challenges and tests, and he managed to see me become a Linkaran Sorceress before he died of age." Rain explained.
Louis sat cross-legged before her on the bed, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "You keep using that word, 'Linkara.' Is that some kind of religion?"
Rain almost balked at Louis, "You don't even know about the Linkara?!"
Louis bit his lip, wincing a little.
"No..." he said silently.
"The Linkara is the faith of half of the Lands! It's lived longer than the Church of St. Nal, and surpassed the Order of New Blood and Terafell Arbiters in pure might and strength!" Rain exclaimed.
"Neat. What do you believe in?"
"We believe in the day when the savior of 14 kiros shall descend down to us wearing an armor forged by Angels and smite the evil that is passing through Ünaré and half of Sin at this moment!" Rain shouted at him, standing up.
"Well, I certainly hope you meet him someday. As for me, I'm Christian-"
"How can you of all people question the faiths that I have been taught since I was young?!"
"I wasn't questioning-"
Suddenly, Rain stormed out of the cottage, leaving a very bewildered Louis sitting in his bed. He slowly moved his legs off of the bed, wincing as a slight pain shot through them from lack of use. Ignoring the pain, he began to walk across the cottage floor after her, a slight limp to his step. He opened the door and looked around, seeing Rain in a fetal position by the nearby river. The sounds she was making seemed to indicate to Louis that she was crying, so he approached her cautiously.
I'm sorry, Rain, did I say something wrong?" Louis asked softly.
Rain sniffled a little before raising her head up. "No, Louis. I'm sorry for reacting like I did. It's just that..."
"Just that what?"
"Well, you aren't what I had expected..."
"What do you mean, 'what I had expected?' Are you saying you knew I was coming?"
"Not exactly... The Prophecies of the Linkara say that a boy, 14 kiros of age wearing strange clothes and acting in a manner most mysterious shall appear and save our world." Rain stated.
Louis raised an eyebrow as he sat down beside here. "Wait a second, you think I'm the one that's prophesied?!"
"Yes." Rain stated.
Louis let out a long breath, taking all of it in quickly. "But I don't even know about your religion!"
"The scrolls do say that the Linkara wouldn't know of his quest when he arrived."
"Then why were you in such shock when I said I didn't know anything about the Linkara?"
"I had assumed the scrolls meant that you would just suddenly be chosen, that you'd know about the religion itself, but not that you were the one chosen. It seems I was wrong..."
"Apparently so."
"So you believe you are the Linkara, too?"
"I believe it's possible. I mean, it seems like an awfully large coincidence that I'd suddenly appear and match the profile for your savior and then turn out not to be. Is there any way to be certain?"
There is. That letter I was writing last night was for the head of the nearest Linkaran Church, Garik Chyprea. Within about four days, he shall arrive and test you to see if you are truly the Linkara, but I hold high hopes that you are indeed our savior!" Rain replied excitedly.
Louis seemed to be genuinely happy by this news as well, but then his face turned straight. "Wait a second, if I'm the savior of Sin, doesn't that mean that there's something I have to save it from?"
"Yes, but we should discuss that later. I am not sure about you, my young friend, but my stomach cries out for sustenance! Come, I shall give you the rest of your clothes and we shall go to the ANM for food, celebrating what could be the beginning of the triumph of good over evil!" Rain shouted, standing up.
"Something tells me we're not talking about McDonald's or Arby's here..." Louis said, wincing.
*
Torches lit up the outdoor restaurant that Rain and Louis sat at. Near the table where they thought about the food that they'd order, music played from a band. It was upbeat and light-hearted music, consisting mostly from basic wind and string instruments. People danced and did jigs to the music in joy, practicing for the festivities of the Aliamas festivals of the next day. Louis smiled, the whole thing reminding him of some of the first scenes of the Lord of the Rings movie. But still, there was something nagging at him in the back of his mind: Did time work differently here like it did in most books, movies, and anime? Was only a second or a minute passing on earth while he spent days here in this world, or were his parents currently worried beyond belief to the point that the police were beginning a search for the fourteen year-old boy who had last been seen by his brother before he had hastily left for his girlfriend's house.
Or maybe his entire family was dead and gone, and by the time he finally did return home, there'd be nothing there to be back to.
Probably best not to think about it, thought Louis. "Is there some sort of menu or do they just bring you the special of the day?"
Rain looked up at him, confused for a moment, then replied, "Didn't you look at the items available when we first walked in?"
Louis sighed and asked, "You mean the menu's at the entrance? Great, this is my trip to France all over again..."
"Oh, worry not, Louis. I'll order you a Galia and if you don't like it, I'll make you something back at my home." Rain replied.
Louis smiled at her and sighed happily. "I think I'm going to enjoy being the savior of your people, Rain."
After they ordered their food, Louis crossed his legs, getting comfortable as he requested, "Rain, could you tell me some history?"
"What do you mean?" Rain asked.
"Some history of Sin! Most likely I'm going to be here for awhile, so I should probably learn as much as I can about this place." Louis stated.
Rain took in a deep breath and relaxed in her chair. "Where to start?"
"Well," Louis suggested, "you did mention something about other religions earlier when you were talking about some accomplishments of the Linkara."
Rain leaned back a little, her seat almost leaning over as well. When she eased herself back down, she told him, "I guess the earliest organized religion was started roughly 1,300 kiros ago. In Ünaré, a man named Kafar Nal began a Church that preached about a God that wished for strict interpretation of the Kopau, a long, 20-verse scroll describing ethics and morality. The people declared Nal a Saint from God, and because he started the faith, it was called the Church of St. Nal.
"However, at the same time, a religion was being formed in Ai. Some people considered it a cult because of some of the practices they used. This new religion was called the Order of the New Blood. The baptism and purification ceremony used by the Order involved people bathing themselves in animal and man's blood. This was done because they believed that to bathe in the blood meant that the spirits of those whose blood in which they swam in flowed into them and gave the souls a new chance at life in a new body. Animals were also considered sacred, so the animal blood that was used was from animals that were from enemies or from butchers that slaughtered animals. People in the Order were strict vegetarians.
"Soon after the Order spread across Ai, the Church of St. Nal learned quickly of their religious opposition. Nal himself publicly declared that the Order was sacrilegious and full of heretics, and the Order responded by calling the Church a bunch of 'unclean demons in white robes.' Can you guess what happened after that point?"
"War?" Louis answered.
"Exactly. And since the conflict was between two religions in Ünaré and Ai, the two lands declared war upon one another." Rain replied.
"Ouch. Who won?"
"St. Nal's forces. Ünaré was bigger and had a better-trained army, and it also had the assistance of the land of Ilkjem. Ai was conquered, but Walsz Kikren began a resistance effort. They enlisted the help of the Dwarves within Terlough, and began winning stunning victories to reclaim their homeland. Some speculate that if not for the Silent Death, the Conlum Resistance would've retaken Ai."
"'Silent Death?'"
"You really are from another world, aren't you?"
"Last time I checked I was. Tell me, what is the Silent Death?"
"Silent Death is the name given to Hathoj, a plague that has many times before killed many thousands of people. Before a cure was finally developed in 975 J.D., 35,000 people were killed over a period of ten kiros. That number would've expanded further without the cure. Of course, minor outbreaks have occurred since then. Especially with mutations or new forms of the virus."
"Why was it called Silent Death?"
"It was mainly because the first thing it did was disable our ability to speak. Then lesions would start up on the neck and chest, causing great pain and anguish. They'd develop a hot fever, and after a few days from it, their entire body would collapse and they'd choke on their own blood..."
Rain shifted in her chair uncomfortably, almost disgusted by her own words.
Louis blinked at her, biting his lip slightly. "Ouch."
Rain looked behind her, seeing a waitress bringing food over to them. "Ah! Our food comes. Come, let us talk of merrier things than something as horrible as the Silent Death."
*
Louis yawned and relaxed himself on the makeshift bed. He felt utterly stuffed after eating two helpings of the Galia meat and drinking three full goblets of something that tasted like Mountain Dew. He didn't close his eyes just yet, he just looked over at Rain, who was sitting by the window and gazing out it like she was looking for something.
"Something the matter?" Louis inquired.
"I think someone's coming, but I can't tell..." she replied, narrowing her eyes to get a better focus.
All of a sudden, she gasped and leapt up. Quickly she ran over to Louis and pulled him out of the bed.
"UP! NOW!" She screamed.
Louis didn't even bother to ask, he merely stood up and followed Rain over to the spot where she stood. She reached her arm up at the ceiling and pressed up hard. A section fell open like a trap door, a ladder sliding down to the ground.
"Get up! Into the attic, quickly!" Rain commanded.
Louis complied and climbed up the ladder into the cramped and dusty attic. He had to crouch down as he crawled away from the spot where he had entered, seeing it quickly close behind him. There were small holes all over the floor, making it able for people to see down into them. He winced, feeling the wooden floor bend slightly from the 140 pounds he forced down on it. He looked over at his arm and smiled. The gauntlet was still on him, and in case Rain was in some kind of trouble, he'd be able to help her.
Louis looked down through one of the holes in the floor and saw Rain grabbing her staff from a corner near the bed she slept in. The second she touched it; she was engulfed in a red aura that made her quite visible in the darkness of the cabin. Louis could tell that she was charging herself for some sort of spell that she was going to have to conduct. He realized that some type of enemy was coming by, and since she thought he was the Linkara, she wanted to protect him at all costs.
After all, a prophecy's just a guess that comes true. And if Louis is killed, the prophecy won't be fulfilled.
Louis furrowed his brow and sent a thought through his head to extend the blade in his gauntlet, which responded immediately to his mental command. He looked back down again and saw Rain was standing several feet from the door, a red orb surrounding her body. He figured it was some sort of magical protection field, and Louis watched the entranceway intently, wondering what was coming that frightened Rain so. All of a sudden, a black blade that came in from the top and traveled to the ground, making an opening in the closed wooden door, sliced into the door. Rain's eyes narrowed and she opened her clenched fists, blue energy beginning to form in the palms of her hands.
Louis' eyebrow raised in curiosity as he saw what had caused the destruction of the door. Two large men walked into the door, their faces hidden by black faceplates. Either could've given any professional basketball [sic] a run for their money in terms of height. They were close to seven feet tall, all of their attire a deep pitch black. Black metal covered their chests, legs, arms, and head, with each singular piece of armoring having sharp points at certain areas, like the bladed shoulders, or the curved blades on the lower parts of the legs. Even the swords they carried were black, with a dark aura emanating from them.
"Where is the Linkara, woman?" One asked.
Louis shivered instantly. The voice was low and ominous, with a commanding tone behind it that sent shivers up his spine.
"Long gone, Agent of Darkness! You'll have no hope of finding him now." Rain replied, her tone firm and powerful.
"You lie. You but informed your colleagues of your pathetic church of your discovery just this morn. You could not have anticipated our arrival so quickly. Tell us where the boy is hidden!" The other shouted at her.
"And you are as foolish as you were when you first surrendered yourself to evil, blasphemer! The one who shall defeat your master has already arrived at the Church and is preparing for the day when he smites your precious ruler!" Rain laughed.
"We gave you the chance to spare your own life, but because of your foolish choice in this matter, you shall die!" The first shouted, drawing his sword from his sheath.
Louis winced and got ready to jump up into the air and come crashing down on one in case Rain needed him, but it certainly didn't look like she did at first. The blue energy that was gathering in her hands formed into a bright blue ball, and the red aura around her changed to a bright gold as she shouted at the top of her lungs, "DEOL FLAME!!!"
The blue ball sped out from her hand and slammed into one of the black knights, sending him flying back through the doorway and crashing into the ground. The second knight charged at Rain, his sword risen and ready to strike down. Louis gritted his teeth, readying once more to jump down, but relaxed when he saw the knight bounce painfully away from the aura the second he touched it. He was sent sprawling to the ground, and Rain aimed her hands at the knight, the aura now turning a bright neon green.
"BURNING SIN!!!" She screamed, and now her hands glowed green along with the aura.
Green tendrils quickly rose through the floor of the cabin, wrapping themselves around the knight tightly, who struggled against their grasp. However, it was quickly in vain as the tentacles made of the ground of Sin pulled the knight down into the soil to do with him as they pleased.
Louis was getting close to revealing his true location from his excitement. He had always read about this sort of magic or seen it on TV shows like Slayers or movies like Dungeons and Dragons, but never actually seen the real thing up close and personal. However, his happy expression faded quickly when he saw Rain scream in pain. He looked desperately through the eyehole to try to find the cause of her suffering, and quickly discerned it: a black sword that was sticking through her side. He gasped, his heart skipping a beat. Louis then gritted his teeth and roared, jumping up slightly and crashing through the roof, blade first, down into the black knight that stood behind Rain. The knight looked up in surprise only to have the gauntlet's blade slam through the helmet and his head. Louis pulled out after slicing through half of the knight's head, using the dead body of the knight to break his fall.
Louis quickly turned around to see if Rain was all right, however, he didn't have the chance to look at Rain's limp body, because a new threat stood in the doorway. The last black knight held his sword in his hand, a black aura surrounding it. The knight brought his hand to his helmet and slipped it off. His face was long and pale, the eyes cold and black, as was his hair. He wasn't smiling at all.
"Well, hello Abe Vigoda." Louis smirked.
The knight raised an eyebrow in confusion, not understanding Louis' joke. Of course, even if he had gotten it, he wouldn't have smiled.
"No sense of humor? Well, I'm not surprised. Nothing funny about what I'm going to do to you." Louis said, narrowing his eyes.
"In the name of my master and the King of Ai, I shall slay you, boy." The knight said, raising his sword up in preparation for the battle.
"Just keep talking asshole, while you do, I'm-"
Louis didn't finish the sentence, because the knight began charging at him, roaring a battle cry as he did. Louis gritted his teeth and desperately slashed at the area before him as a crude defensive measure, the knight countering with his sword. The clanging sound of metal against metal filled the cottage, the fight becoming more intense with each second. Louis never got a clean hit against the knight, because his skill was small and minute compared to the highly trained and more protected black knight. Although the blade never struck his skin, the knight’s fists and legs, sometimes even the handle of the sword, pummeled Louis.
After three more hits to his gut, Louis collapsed to the ground, panting heavily and bleeding in a few spots. He gulped as he saw the knight preparing to strike down with his sword one final time. He wasn't even smiling from his triumph over him.
"So much for the Great Linkara. Any last words?" he gloats.
A million different thoughts were passing through Louis' head, and he desperately tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, and suddenly he saw it. He gulped, realizing he only had one chance at this.
"Yeah," Louis replied, smiling. "I do."
Louis blinked once, taking in a deep breath.
"I may be from another world, but I know something that should be universal." Louis stated.
"And what's that?" the knight asked.
"THIS!" Louis shouted.
And instantly, Louis drew up all the strength in his leg and slammed his foot into the space between the knight's legs. In essence, he just kicked the knight in the crotch.
The knight's eyes went wide, his mouth gaping open but only light sounds escaped from it. Louis smiled; realizing his plan of desperation had worked. The knight began to shake lightly, and he dropped his sword to the ground. The knight brought his hands down to his crotch, suddenly screaming in pain as he fell over.
"Such pain! I've never been in such agony!" He wailed.
Louis rolled over to get onto his knees, and crawled over to the knight. His expression was a mix of anger and triumph.
"Abe, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Louis stated.
And with one quick stroke, Louis slammed the blade through the black breastplate that the knight wore. He screamed in agony briefly before his mouth filled with what seemed to be blood, but looked more like oil or tar than standard human blood. Louis slowly pulled his arm out, breathing in and out deeply. He looked around, making sure there weren't any more of the knights around.
And then he suddenly remembered.
"RAIN!" He exclaimed.
He quickly crawled over to the limp and pale body that lay upon the floor. He saw that the wound was still leaking blood, the area around Rain covered by a red puddle. Louis staggered through the blood, ignoring the stains it caused to his skin and clothes. He lifted up her head and felt the pulse on her neck. There was no heartbeat. Tears began to well up in his eyes as his stomach suddenly felt very sick.
Louis laid his head down on her stomach and began to weep softly for the only friend he had encountered on Sin.
My very important opinionsShow
So we start the chapter with largely pointless filler starring the dwarf merchant from last time, who turns out to be called Girkin.
It was a rather strange thing for a Dwarf to work in a market, considering there were only three real classes of Dwarves: Warriors, Miners, and Builders.
So dwarf society can't work on its own? I guess it's not a popular dwarven archetype in fiction, but you know what warriors, miners and builders need to varying degrees? Someone who can buy and sell stuff.
(Unless dwarven society is some kind of communist utopia I guess)
He stole raw minerals, plants, and dust from the mountains, particularly the sixth one, known for it's vast and probably limitless wealth and the pure quality of it all.
Why do you have to be a shady scoundrel merchant? Just sell goods to those "real" classes and use that money to buy resources from the miners.
Also not sure if illegal mining operations are easy to hide. Especially not if a third of the dwarven population are apparently miners.
"You, sir, 54 korins is an acceptable price for the Hirak dust because of its rarity. You sir, we have Jujuk dust at 12 korins per pouch. And you, madam, the Urophelge dust is one Kikren. All of you, take it or leave it, all right?" he stated.
Man, no wonder dwarf merchants are apparently rarer than a passing troon. You suck, mate. I bet you wouldn't survive a month in Recettear.
You think shooting down any haggling attempts will do you any favors? This is the Ai National Market (tm). I doubt you're the only one selling weird spell components here.
"In perfect health and exactly what I need to enhance my fire abilities. However, another reason I've come back is to send a message. I already dropped off the letter at the Loaran office,” she explained.
Um, Rain?
Rain looked around and leaned in to whisper the answer in his ear. "I just found our planet's savior."
Why exactly are you telling this random guy this? Shouldn't you keep this on the down-low? The more people you have no reason of trusting know about this, the faster the Darkness (tm) will find out about it.
This is like Gandalf walking up to a random hobbit after his meeting with Frodo and going all "Man, I think Frodo Baggins has something that belonged to the Dark Lord!".
(Also didn't you react confused last chapter when Linkara asked you what this planet is called? So you guys do know what a "planet" is after all?)
Girkin merely stood there, dumbfounded by what she said, until he finally realized what she had meant: Rain had found the Linkara.
I guess this is the justification for this little scene? Paragraphs well spent.
*
"What's a chicken?"
Any chance we will ever get to actually see the fantastical fauna of Sin? From the reaction he had to those animal skins earlier you'd think this is fucking Morrowind or something.
"An animal where I come from. A bird that can't fly." Louis replied.
"Ah."
So birds as a concept are a thing. If animals are as strange and alien as this book keeps teasing them, I bet they look kinda like this:
"Coming back, I'm able to walk around a lot more. Albeit I'd appreciate having some pants to wear." Louis stated, blushing slightly.
"You will put on the kilt, and you will like it. The Linkaran prophecies are very clear on that part!"
"Like I said the last time you asked, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." Louis replied with a smile. "What about you? What tale do you have to tell me?"
You can try goading people into giving you info dumps, but sooner or later people will catch on that you're not from around here.
Louis sat cross-legged before her on the bed, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "You keep using that word, 'Linkara.' Is that some kind of religion?"
Not the smoothest way to get someone to finally get to the Chosen One premise.
I mean, ask yourself: What would pique your interest more? One nonsense word among multiple other nonsense words, or "the Darkness (tm)"?
"No..." he said silently.
Where did your spine go? Did the orc hit you a bit too hard after all?
"The Linkara is the faith of half of the Lands! It's lived longer than the Church of St. Nal, and surpassed the Order of New Blood and Terafell Arbiters in pure might and strength!" Rain exclaimed.
That's an odd way to brag about your religion for a non-evil person. How man crusades did you participate in? How many infidels did you cleanse in your holy fire?
"We believe in the day when the savior of 14 kiros shall descend down to us wearing an armor forged by Angels and smite the evil that is passing through Ünaré and half of Sin at this moment!" Rain shouted at him, standing up.
Why are you shouting? And the way you phrase it makes it sound like these recent events are the origin of your religion. The only way I can see this work is if the Darkness is a literal glacier and has been "passing through" Ünaré for centuries.
"Well, I certainly hope you meet him someday. As for me, I'm Christian-"
"My messiah is cooler than yours."
I see he has found his spine again. And is attitude, unfortunately.
Turns out the fiery fist of the Linkaran crusade doesn't tolerate talks about other religions, so she storms off in a huff.
He opened the door and looked around, seeing Rain in a fetal position by the nearby river. The sounds she was making seemed to indicate to Louis that she was crying, so he approached her cautiously.
What is going on? Has Rain forgotten to snort her happy dust? Did the name "Christian" trigger some kind of PTSD?
"Not exactly... The Prophecies of the Linkara say that a boy, 14 kiros of age wearing strange clothes and acting in a manner most mysterious shall appear and save our world." Rain stated.
So what caused your faith dysphoria? Were his manners not mysterious enough for your taste?
"The scrolls do say that the Linkara wouldn't know of his quest when he arrived."
And yet you started literally shaking when he turned out to have no idea about anything.
"Then why were you in such shock when I said I didn't know anything about the Linkara?"
That's the first bit of sensible dialogue that has come out of your mouth so far. I would like to hope this won't be the last time, but I'm not that optimistic.
"I had assumed the scrolls meant that you would just suddenly be chosen, that you'd know about the religion itself, but not that you were the one chosen. It seems I was wrong..."
"My personal interpretation of my religious text turned out to be wrong. Day ruined."
Louis seemed to be genuinely happy by this news as well, but then his face turned straight. "Wait a second, if I'm the savior of Sin, doesn't that mean that there's something I have to save it from?"
How about "the Darkness" and "the evil" she has spoken of? At least the latter is going on right now.
"Come, I shall give you the rest of your clothes and we shall go to the ANM for food, celebrating what could be the beginning of the triumph of good over evil!" Rain shouted, standing up.
Is anyone else starting to get annoyed that no one calls this "Ai National Market" just "the (nearest) market"?
"Something tells me we're not talking about McDonald's or Arby's here..." Louis said, wincing.
Eww, real, handmade meals.
Louis smiled, the whole thing reminding him of some of the first scenes of the Lord of the Rings movie.
Dude, if you're already starting name-dropping better pieces of fiction, you might as well specify "Bilbo's birthday". Embrace your inner Cline. I know you'll eventually do, so you might as well start now.
Did time work differently here like it did in most books, movies, and anime? (*a bunch of other musings about time dilation and shit*)
You currently don't even know if you can ever return to your world. Whether or not time back home moves faster or slower should be at most a secondary concern atm.
Probably best not to think about it, thought Louis. "Is there some sort of menu or do they just bring you the special of the day?"
Holy shit, he can think. He doesn't have to say is inner monologues out loud! Did the orc's kick open a chakra or something?
Louis sighed and asked, "You mean the menu's at the entrance? Great, this is my trip to France all over again..."
Oh no, a slight inconvenience!
BTW, do the people of Sin also write using the English alphabet?
Louis smiled at her and sighed happily. "I think I'm going to enjoy being the savior of your people, Rain."
"It's great being the Messiah. People order food for me!"
After they ordered their food, Louis crossed his legs, getting comfortable as he requested
Linkara getting comfortable:
"Well," Louis suggested, "you did mention something about other religions earlier when you were talking about some accomplishments of the Linkara."
FFS start asking about the Darkness.
I guess the earliest organized religion was started roughly 1,300 kiros ago
Did this world skip both the Bronze and Iron Age?
In Ünaré, a man named Kafar Nal began a Church that preached about a God that wished for strict interpretation of the Kopau, a long, 20-verse scroll describing ethics and morality.
Oh, I guess their ancient times were an enlightenend atheist utopia before someone decided to invent a god for those texts. Sure.
Onto the Order of the New Blood, one of the dumbest religions I have ever heard of:
Animals were also considered sacred, so the animal blood that was used was from animals that were from enemies or from butchers that slaughtered animals. People in the Order were strict vegetarians.
Vegetarians who bathe in the blood of animals that some goyim has to butcher for them. This is like if PETA was okay with wearing animal pelts as long as you bought it form a non-PETA member.
And WTF does "animals that were from enemies" refer to, and why is it okay to slaughter them yourself? Do you use enemy war horses to fuel your pool parties?
Nal learned quickly of their religious opposition. Nal himself publicly declared that the Order was sacrilegious and full of heretics, and the Order responded by calling the Church a bunch of 'unclean demons in white robes.'
Man, those organized religions didn't waste time making up for the thousands of years they didn't exist.
Also apparently the main currency of Ai is named after some resistence leader. Okay.
"You really are from another world, aren't you?"
Nothing gets past you, Rain.
Now we're only this world's version of the Black Death, except this one was the SilentDeath.
Of course, minor outbreaks have occurred since then. Especially with mutations or new forms of the virus.
How the fuck do you know about viruses? Especially how they work? Do you use divination/scrying magic in place of microscopes?
He felt utterly stuffed after eating two helpings of the Galia meat and drinking three full goblets of something that tasted like Mountain Dew.
Fuck off with that. I hope Galias are giant rats or something.
Also I'm pretty sure the only drinks with a fizz possible with medieval technology were beer and other kinds of booze.
"I think someone's coming, but I can't tell..." she replied, narrowing her eyes to get a better focus.
All of a sudden, she gasped and leapt up. Quickly she ran over to Louis and pulled him out of the bed.
"UP! NOW!" She screamed.
Question: Where exactly is Rain's house located? Apparently it's not too far away from the Ai National Market (tm), but far enough that what I assume to be bad guys can just sneak up on her without any alarms being raised? Shouldn't a "Linkaran Sorceress" have something better than a shack in the woods? Didn't she ever think about using her dark magic to create a defensive perimeter or two?
How do the bad guys even kno- oh wait, you told some random stranger that you've found the messiah. Never mind.
After all, a prophecy's just a guess that comes true. And if Louis is killed, the prophecy won't be fulfilled.
Our hero, ladies and gentleman! Bravely belittling his protector's faith!
All of a sudden, a black blade that came in from the top and traveled to the ground, making an opening in the closed wooden door, sliced into the door.
Personally I think kicking down the door would be a lot easier and faster than whatever our author is trying to describe here. I guess something like this:
(Why am I not surprised that Comic Linkara has no interest in ever tackling Don Rosa? Heaven forbid he ever reads something that isn't (mainstream) capeshit.)
Either could've given any professional basketball [sic] a run for their money in terms of height.
Well, it's a bit hard being smaller than a "professional basketball".
And it turns out "the Darkness" is more like "the Army of Darkness", as Rain gets visited by fucking Chaos Warriors.
Or Sauron cosplayers. Whatever you think is funnier.
Anyhow, looks like we've got our first real fight against the forces of evil at our hand. Time for some fitting music!
So Rain decides to go full Lina Inverse on those mofos, and even summons hentai tentacles:
Green tendrils quickly rose through the floor of the cabin, wrapping themselves around the knight tightly, who struggled against their grasp. However, it was quickly in vain as the tentacles made of the ground of Sin pulled the knight down into the soil to do with him as they pleased.
I like where this is going.
Louis was getting close to revealing his true location from his excitement. He had always read about this sort of magic or seen it on TV shows like Slayers or movies like Dungeons and Dragons, but never actually seen the real thing up close and personal. However, his happy expression faded quickly when he saw Rain scream in pain.
So our hero decides to intently watch the fight so he can jump in to the rescue if Rain should get into trouble - but then he gets so euphoric over getting reminded of both his favorite fantasy animu and Jeremy Irons' greatest movie role that he doesn't notice the Chaos Warrior sneaking up on Rain and shanking her. Good job.
Louis then gritted his teeth and roared, jumping up slightly and crashing through the roof, blade first, down into the black knight that stood behind Rain.
This house doesn't strike me as particularly sturdy.
Anyways, Linkara manages to backstab the backstabber in a rare display of genuine irony, but the fight isn't over. It's now one champion of the Ruinous Powers against a kid with a glorified mall ninja weapon. It's on like fucking Donkey Kong!
His face was long and pale, the eyes cold and black, as was his hair. He wasn't smiling at all.
Why should he be smiling? You just cleaved through his buddy's helmet like it's tissue paper.
"Well, hello Abe Vigoda." Louis smirked.
Dude, have you forgotten what happened last time you pulled this stunt?!
The knight raised an eyebrow in confusion, not understanding Louis' joke. Of course, even if he had gotten it, he wouldn't have smiled.
What's up with your fixation on this guy's lack of a smile?
"In the name of my master and the King of Ai, I shall slay you, boy." The knight said, raising his sword up in preparation for the battle.
So either this guy thinks Sauron is the rightful ruler of Ai, or the king is in cahoots with the Darkness. This better go somewhere.
"Just keep talking asshole, while you do, I'm-"
The knight thankfully decides he's had enough of this bullshit and just decides to rushdown Linkara like a boss.
Although the blade never struck his skin, the knight’s fists and legs, sometimes even the handle of the sword, pummeled Louis.
Did getting isekai'd grant you minor Kryptonian resilience? You're one tough son of a bitch. Or the knight is not nearly as tough as his armor makes it seem.
Eventually Linkara does run out of hit points, and the knight prepares a finishing blow.
He wasn't even smiling from his triumph over him.
But little does he know that Linkara's about to unleash his signature movie:
And instantly, Louis drew up all the strength in his leg and slammed his foot into the space between the knight's legs. In essence, he just kicked the knight in the crotch.
The knight's eyes went wide, his mouth gaping open but only light sounds escaped from it. Louis smiled; realizing his plan of desperation had worked. The knight began to shake lightly, and he dropped his sword to the ground. The knight brought his hands down to his crotch, suddenly screaming in pain as he fell over.
What our author thinks will happen when you kick a knight in the crotch:
What will actually happen:
But who knows. Maybe the people of Sin have never invented the codpiece (or any kind of crotch protection) because nobody has ever been hit in the balls before.
"Abe, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Louis stated.
Dude, I'm from the same world as you, and I have no idea what you're talking about. I know the Bachman–Turner Overdrive song, at least, but that's it. Who the fuck is "Abe"?
Anyhow, Linkara puts the Chaos Warrior out of his misery (revealing he's affected by the black oil from X-Files). With his bloodlust sated, he suddenly remembers why he blew a fuse in the first place.
But it's too late. Rain is fucking dead.
Louis laid his head down on her stomach and began to weep softly for the only friend he had encountered on Sin.
It's not hard for her to be your only friend. She's the second sentient being you've ever encountered in this world. The first one you antagonized for no reason, and you didn't really interact with anyone else after meeting Rain (until the Chaos Warriors showed up, at least).
Next Time: The Linkara finds a better waifu!
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
We believe in the day when the savior of 14 kiros shall descend
14 Kiros? That's highway robbery. Oh wait, that's the stupid madeup word for year, not one of the currencies.
He opened the door and looked around, seeing Rain in a fetal position by the nearby river.
Dude, you only asked questions about their faith, and not even putting it into question. She acts like he just exclaimed there are only 2 genders.
Well, hello Abe Vigoda."
Some dude known for staring in the Godfather movies, IDK
the whole retarded fight scene
So, what I gathered there were innitially 2 black knights. One was hit by her Kamehameha, and the other got zapped by her energy shield. Both were being described as spwarling on the ground. And while she was summoning her rape tentacles neither she nor Lewis from his peephole kept track of the second enemy?
And with one quick stroke, Louis slammed the blade through the black breastplate that the knight wore.
Yeah, I call bullshit, your protoss blade might be good for stabbing unarmored enemies, but not fucking breastplates
14 Kiros? That's highway robbery. Oh wait, that's the stupid madeup word for year, not one of the currencies.
How could you ever confuse a kiros with a korin or Kikren? These made-up words are nothing alike!
Wait, isn't Korin the fat white cat from Dragon Ball ?
So, what I gathered there were innitially 2 black knights. One was hit by her Kamehameha, and the other got zapped by her energy shield. Both were being described as spwarling on the ground. And while she was summoning her rape tentacles neither she nor Lewis from his peephole kept track of the second enemy?
I think the knight who got dragged underground and ravaged by tentacles is the one who shanked Rain. At least that's my theory on how she stopped keeping track of the guy. Maybe some third knight showed up, but who knows with this confusing narration.
At least we know this one knight did, in fact, not smile. What more could you ask for in a fight scene?
Yeah, I call bullshit, your protoss blade might be good for stabbing unarmored enemies, but not fucking breastplates
Unfortunately we are firmly following standard mainstream fantasy conventions, where armor is effectively cardboard.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
Now it's onto somewhat important exposition, and the grand entrance of the female character worth keeping around.
The chapter nyaShow
Louis finished the makeshift grave for Rain by tying two sticks together to form a cross. The grave was right next to the cottage, for Louis didn't know if people in this world even had cemeteries. He stood in front of the grave, his eyes looking sore and bloodshot from tears. He gazed down at it, thinking about everything that had happened over the past 24 hours. His thoughts slowly returned him to what happened just after Rain had died. He had gathered up whatever belongings of value that she owned and buried them with her in case someone came by to try to rob her now abandoned cottage.
"Well, Rain, I guess this is goodbye." He said to the grave. "I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough to save you."
Louis gulped and sighed. "I guess you're wondering why I decided to leave. I need to go search for more answers, and unfortunately you can't give them in your current state. There are so many questions, especially with this whole Linkara bit. I'm sorry that I have to take your staff, but the kind of magic you seem to have could be useful in protecting me."
Louis turned his face away from the grave and bit his lip. "This wasn't supposed to happen! It never happens like this! The hero is supposed to meet someone who will guide them throughout the rest of their journey. And that someone isn't supposed to die before the quest even starts! What sort of hero am I supposed to be if I don't even know whom I'm here to save?!"
He looked back at the grave and took in a deep breath before sighing once again. "Goodbye, Rain. I'll never forget you."
And with that, Louis set off in search of his destiny.
*
Louis traveled for days through the forest before him. He had originally hoped to arrive back at the ANM and hope to find an acquaintance of Rain's who would help him understand the whole Linkara thing a little better, but it had been at night when he had originally gone along with her for dinner there, so he had no idea which direction it was in. And so, he had just picked a direction and decided to head off in it, hoping to find some trace of human life through the dense forest.
He found none.
By the fourth day in his journey, his limbs ached with pain from constant use. Rain had had little food in her cottage, and even then, Louis wasn't sure if some of the things he discovered were food. The small berries he had recovered earlier only seemed to help him in small doses, one or two berries per day, lest any more caused him to become sick.
On the fifth day of his journey, he finally collapsed in pure happiness. He had finally reached the end of the forest, but unfortunately he did not have the strength to cross the edge. His limbs were racked with pain and his stomach grumbled and groaned from malnutrition and dehydration. Water had been the only thing he tried to sparsely consume, needing to save as much as possible. However, his water rations ran out on the third day, as did most of his food rations.
And so here he was, lying upon the ground at the end of the forest, a large building up ahead. It was triangularly shaped, sort of like a church or a cathedral. Rain's staff lay next to him, having used it as a crutch while he was traveling. He chuckled softly to himself.
"How sad," he said in a raspy voice to himself. "that my journey ends before it ever truly begins..."
And before he lost consciousness, he saw female feet in front of him, and heard a screaming voice calling back at the building for someone to come help her.
*
Louis awoke to a soft chorus singing in his ears. It was low and deep, yet it sounded heavenly. He couldn't make out the words, but it sort of sounded like Latin. He opened his eyes fully, looking once again at an unfamiliar ceiling. This one looked like it was made of stone, but he couldn't make out much more than that, considering small torches and candles lining the walls dimly lighted the room. Louis tried to sit up, but winced as a sharp pain shot through his back. Realizing the bed he was in was against a wall, he laid his aching back against it and breathed in deeply, closing his eyes and trying to figure out where he was.
Last thing I remember was two feet and a very nice voice... he thought to himself.
Louis opened his eyes and was instantly thankful that he did. Sitting near the bed was a girl roughly fourteen or fifteen years old in a chair. Louis couldn't tell the girl's eye color, but he did note a few things about her. First and foremost was her golden hair that flowed down over her shoulders and down half her back. The next thing that Louis examined was a large tattoo on the girl's face. It laid right beneath her left eye, arranged in a pattern Louis was totally unfamiliar with. However, the two things that Louis paid special attention to were the ears and the tail. Yes, a tail. The tail was limp at the moment, hanging down the side of the chair. It was about a foot and a half long, slender and covered in brown fur. The ears were also something different. Instead of rounded and close to the head like normal ears, her ears extended out a little to the side and were triangular, with two earrings on each. A blanket made out of fur from a large animal covered her sides to keep her warm. Louis wondered how long he had been asleep.
Louis looked up at the ceiling and said, "Please, God, let me have wound up in a monastery for stripping Catgirls..."
All of a sudden, the girl shook her head quickly, waking up from her sleep. Her eyes widened in surprise and suddenly she smiled exuberantly.
"My lord, you're awake!" she exclaimed.
"And almost regretting It." he said with a smile, despite the pain in his back. "Almost."
"I must tell my father immediately! Indeed, the entire church shall be relieved to learn of your awakening, my lord!" The girl shouted, jumping to her feet.
"Um... What's with this 'my lord' business? Not that I don't appreciate the hospitality, of course." Louis inquired.
"Because, my lord, you are the Linkara!" She replied, running out the nearby entranceway.
Louis shrugged and decided to continue examining his surroundings. There was no window, so he presumed that he was in one of the inner rooms of the building. It most likely was the building he had seen when he had exited the forest, he figured. Louis also made the assumption that the building was a church, as the girl had hinted to earlier when they had briefly spoke. Louis closed his eyes, his thoughts returning him to Rain. He wondered what Rain would be doing in this situation, and once again questioned himself over if there was something he could've done to save her.
Louis' train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching the room. Remembering what happened the last time something like this happened, he suddenly felt his right arm out and realized that the gauntlet was still on his hand. The footsteps became louder as they approached, and finally their bearers revealed themselves as they entered the room. One was the girl he had met earlier, and the person beside her was taller, with a blonde beard and long blonde hair. He wore long, flowing white robes with gold stitching in patterns all over it. He stood about 6'2, and his smile was one of confidence and determination.
Seeing Louis, both went to their knees, bowing before him. Louis raised an eyebrow in confusion and asked, "Um... What are you doing?"
"Forgive me, lord, I had expected you to wish for a proper welcome for someone of your... stature." he stated.
"What stature?! What's going on around here?!" Louis demanded.
"My lord, you are the Linkara! The Holy Protector of Sin!" The man shouted, standing up.
Louis stared at him for a moment, then smiled. "Oh yeah, that. Followers of the faith, I take it?"
"I am Priest Garik Chyprea of the First Church of the Linkara, and the leader of this Order. We have been waiting this day for a long time, my lord. We could hardly believe it when we received a letter from Rain Vendre informing us that she believed she had found the Linkara!" The man exclaimed.
"Rain?! You know Rain?!" Louis shouted back, sitting up a little.
"Knew her, yes... Before her unfortunate..." Garik replied, wincing a little and not finishing his sentence.
Louis sighed and sat back against the wall. "How did you find out?"
"Shortly after we got the letter, three of our order, including myself, set out to her home to see if she had really discovered you. We arrived two days later to find the place devastated. We dug up the grave next to her home and found her body and possessions. We came back here, wondering if you had been taken by the darkness. Praise the heavens that you have made your way here!" Garik explained.
"Indeed! Now, I believe it's time I finally learned what exactly all this Linkara prophecies and stuff is." Louis stated.
"Not yet. For now, you must rest and-"
"No." Louis interrupted, his eyes curving in an angered expression.
"What do you mean 'no,' my lord?" Garik inquired.
"I've been on this shithole planet of yours for a week now, and do you know what's happened to me?"
The two shook their heads.
"I've had to drag my way through a forest, be beaten and broken by an Orc, made only one friend and within two days of meeting having to bury her, broken my ass trying to fight her killers, drag my way through another forest for five days while starving and dehydrating, and I still have no idea why I'm here or how I'm going to get home, SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO! OKAY?!"
The two stared at him, gaping. They hadn't expected their savior to be quite so... loud. Garik hesitated a little and shakily nodded.
"Y-yes, my lord. Please get comfortable, it is a long and drawn-out tale." he said.
Louis nodded and sat back against the wall. Garik hurriedly walked over to a nearby desk and pulled two chairs over to he bed, one for himself and the other for the girl. After he sat down, Garik thought for a moment, trying to think of how he would begin telling the story of his entire religion. He looked back up at Louis.
"In the kiro 982 Joufis Dolaris, a movement was beginning in the land of Ilkjem. They were known as the Terafell Arbiters, and their name would quickly become one worthy of spite and scorn. The Arbiters were a sadistic cult of purists, believing that only those of "pure blood" were worthy to inherit the world. Their leader was one Hasz Terafell, and before he died of a mutated form of the Silent Death, the Arbiters had fully conquered Ilkjem and began oppressing the people. Citizens who refused to obey the laws or practice the beliefs were instantly executed without question. Some of the unluckier offenses resulted in endless torture and drawn-out deaths while the tormentors wagered on how long they'd last under the torture." Garik began.
"After spreading outwards and conquering Ünaré, they stole blueprints and information on how to build long-distance boats and began to explore out a little. They discovered the Shadae Islands, and the Anako people living there." the girl said.
"Anako? And I'm sorry, miss, I haven't gotten your name yet." Louis stated.
"My name is Indow, my lord. Anakos are Nako, half human and half Ko." Indow stated.
"Ko?" Louis asked.
The two almost chuckled at Louis for not knowing what it was. They could understand that he didn't know the history, but to not know what a Ko was seemed idiotic to them.
"It's a house animal, small, with fur, it goes 'meow.'" Garik tried to explain.
"Oh, a cat!" Louis exclaimed, realizing what they were referring to. "You mean a race of catgirls and catboys. I get it."
The two shrugged, not really understanding what Louis was talking about, but continued on: "They attempted to invade the islands and conquer the Anakos, but thanks to the fact that the Anakos' intelligence and weapons skills surpassed the Arbiters, they failed. Soon afterwards, they took over the entire land of Ai."
"Although officially it was the kiro 1,000, it was later changed to the kiro 0 because it was the kiro that the Linkaran Man came." Indow stated.
"Linkaran Man?" Louis inquired.
"The old man who had the first visions of the Linkara. He foretold of a day when an evil darkness would slip onto Sin and begin spreading such a terrible influence not on just the people but even kings. Any that did not follow them would be slaughtered by the darkness and it's servants." Garik explained.
"These servants, they wouldn't happen to have black armor, black blood, and really pasty and pale? Because if they are, I've met them." Louis asked.
"Indeed. The Dark Knights. The old man had further visions, and he wrote them out in long scrolls, and they became the Prophecies of the Linkara. The man preached every day for months until the Terafell Arbiters decided he might stir rebellion and murdered him during one of his sermons. During his sermons, he talked of the past and the present, and a lot about the future. He talked of the evil in the future and of the person who would defeat him: The Linkara." Garik stated.
"There's that word again: Linkara. What exactly is the Linkara supposed to be? I know it's me, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Louis stated.
"The Linkara is the protector of Sin brought down by the heavens. He wears an armor that has been imbued by angels, and he shall gain the power of angels himself. He shall ultimately defeat the darkness that came here. Now, allow me to talk about the darkness before I tell you of the armor, my lord. The darkness first appeared three hundred kiros ago, near the Zlad delta. To quote the prophecy, 'When the Queen of the sun and the Queen of moon meet to shake hands, a great evil shall slip past them and enter the world of Sin.' We weren't sure what that meant at first, but we soon did when the evil first appeared." Garik explained.
"An eclipse." Indow explained further, closing her eyes as if disturbed by the conversation they were having.
"Indeed, my daughter. Instantly, the darkness began to spread, corrupting the minds of the people living at the delta and slaying anyone who opposed it. For 100 kiros, the darkness spread out further unchallenged until Linkaran Acolytes accidentally set fire to powders that had been mixed together. The Acolytes discovered that by chanting and saying words in ancient languages, they could manipulate the powders and plants through burning to create spells and magic. Acolytes became Mages, Mages became Wizards and Sorcerers, and so on. With this newfound power, we began to openly fight the darkness, as prophesized by the Linkaran scrolls. Entire armies were formed in honor of the Linkara in the hopes that one day you would come and finally destroy the darkness." Garik said, smiling.
Louis sits where he was, taking in the last twenty minutes carefully. He had learned a great deal, especially of his purpose here on this planet. However, a great many questions still floated around his mind. What had been the voice that had first lured him here in the first place? How could he understand these people in near-perfect English? If he really was the Linkara, why did he only have a gauntlet and not a full armor?
"My lord, are you all right?" Indow asked.
Once again, Louis' train of thought was broken from him. "Hmmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking about some things. Well, now that I'm here, what's our next step?"
"We must go and see the King, of course!" Garik stated, standing up.
"The King?" Louis inquired.
"The King of Ai, of course! He is not a follower of the Linkaran beliefs. He believes that the prophecies are just the mad writings of a lunatic." Indow explained.
"Then we shall soon prove him wrong!" Louis said, getting up.
As soon as he tried to stand up from his position, a sharp pain shot through his back. He gasped in pain and collapsed back onto the bed. Indow went over to him, holding onto his shoulders.
"You must rest, my lord! You are not well enough to travel such a distance to Walsz." She said.
Louis looked up at Indow, gazing into her green eyes. He breathed calmly as the pain in his back subsided.
Dear God, he thought, she's pretty... Damn hormones... I don't know if I'm feeling love or lust... Why the hell am I even thinking about this? I have other things to worry about, like destroying this darkness thing. Although I can't help but think that going to this King of Ai is going to be a big mistake...
For once, Louis brought himself out of his own train of thought, but just before he was going to speak up, he was interrupted by a scream that echoed throughout the building. Louis sat himself up once more, ignoring the pain. Garik and Indow gasped and brought him back down into a resting position.
"Please, my lord! If the Dark Knights have followed you here, they must not find you!" Garik shouted, quickly running off down the stairs with Indow.
Louis blinked at the ceiling. "Hide?"
He jumped out of the bed, ignoring his pains once again. "Like hell I will."
My thoughts nyaShow
You know, I almost get the impression this chapter is a soft reboot of the previous chapter with somewhat more useful exposition and a "better" waifu.
Louis finished the makeshift grave for Rain by tying two sticks together to form a cross.
Little did he know that Rain would now be condemned to wander Ai as a restless spirit due to improper burial rites.
"Well, Rain, I guess this is goodbye." He said to the grave. "I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough to save you."
"If only I didn't have a waking wet dream about Damodar's luscious blue lips, I might've noticed the brick shithouse in black armor sneaking up on you."
I'm sorry that I have to take your staff, but the kind of magic you seem to have could be useful in protecting me.
I doubt you have enough points in Use Magic Device to make this work.
And what are the odds that this staff will vanish from the plot without doing anything remotely magical?
"This wasn't supposed to happen! It never happens like this! The hero is supposed to meet someone who will guide them throughout the rest of their journey. And that someone isn't supposed to die before the quest even starts!"
Are you seriously complaining that plot armor does not exist in-universe?
You think she was some kind of mentor figure? Any random goat fucker from the Ai National Market (tm) could've given you roughly the same exposition.
What's that "throughout the rest of their journey" nonsense? If you're even half as genre savvy as you think you are, you'd know that mentors die before the hero can finish his journey, and always when the hero still depends on the mentor's guidance.
Also I can't quite tell if you're butthurt because she died, or because she died earlier than you expected
A dead mentor is actually a pretty common way to start a quest. See Bruce Lee's Fist of Fury, among others.
What sort of hero am I supposed to be if I don't even know whom I'm here to save?!
Maybe you should've insisted on getting that exposition dump first before asking for trivia about other religions and the fucking flu.
And with that, Louis set off in search of his destiny.
Unfortunately the great Linkara manages to get lost
Louis traveled for days through the forest before him. He had originally hoped to arrive back at the ANM and hope to find an acquaintance of Rain's who would help him understand the whole Linkara thing a little better, but it had been at night when he had originally gone along with her for dinner there, so he had no idea which direction it was in. And so, he had just picked a direction and decided to head off in it, hoping to find some trace of human life through the dense forest.
He found none.
Huh, so Rain's house is a shack in the woods. What the hell, lady? What kind of sick rituals did you perform to need this much privacy?
Also holy crap this is a lot of dumb. I have no idea where anything is in relation to anything else (because the narrator ain't explaining shit), but I figure I'd have a better shot at finding the Ai National Market (tm) than our hero here who was actually there.
For more elaboration, I fear I must go full Linkara on this one.
Full LinkaraShow
I don't care if it was at night. You wen't there and back again within the same day (or rather night). You should've realized you're way off track pretty quickly
Would've been nice knowing earlier that you have no idea about de wey you've been taken. Instead the narration skips that part so Rain is effectively fast travelling to the ANM.
I don't care if it was dark. I don't buy that you two wandered in complete darkness. She's a fucking wizard with a fire obsession, for starters.
Even if you wandered in complete darkness, you should have a good idea of the general direction relative to the house's door (unless I guess Rain led you through several detours for no reason)
I don't care how dense the forest is, there's gotta be at least one fucking trail leading from the house to some semblance of civilization. What good is a house if it's not even handcart accessible?
How the fuck can you wander for days without running into anyone? You were like a day trip away from the goddamn ANM, the bustling center of commerce of this kingdom. There should be roads, farms and villages everywhere. Are you telling me you wandered off into the one direction that's still untamed wilderness?
On the fifth day of his journey, he finally collapsed in pure happiness. He had finally reached the end of the forest, but unfortunately he did not have the strength to cross the edge.
It took you five days to get out of the forest? Just how big is this forest? Five fucking days is enough to walk from Berlin to fucking Cologne.
Okay probably a bit more since I don't think google maps accounts for having to sleep, but you get the idea. Even if I'm more generous that bit of forest would cover a good chunk of Germany. Dude probably crossed at least three different inner borders, and one of them at least twice because medieval borders are kinda weird.
There's no way in hell he didn't walk in circles throughout most of his "journey". He truly is just a lamer version of Zoro.
Also I'm pretty sure at this point he's more delirious than "happy".
Rain's staff lay next to him, having used it as a crutch while he was traveling. He chuckled softly to himself.
Pretty sure this is the last time we will ever hear from this cherished memento of his late "mentor" ever again. It didn't even last a fucking page.
And before he lost consciousness, he saw female feet in front of him, and heard a screaming voice calling back at the building for someone to come help her.
a) Why is she barefoot?
b) Did you just assume her gender?
He couldn't make out the words, but it sort of sounded like Latin
TBF choruses are even worse than operas in terms of intelligibility.
Last thing I remember was two feet and a very nice voice... he thought to himself.
Shut up, footfag.
Then he catches a glimpse of his new waifu: Indow the catgirl.
From the description I assume he got somewhat inspired by Visions of Escaflowne. I can't think of too many other fantasy anime where the catgirls have their cat ears in roughly the same spot as humans, and where their fur and hair colors don't match.
Though this catgirl isn't as furry as the Escaflowne ones, and rereading his description of her ears makes her sound more like an elf who happens to have a tail:
The ears were also something different. Instead of rounded and close to the head like normal ears, her ears extended out a little to the side and were triangular
Anyhow, he seems to like what he's seeing:
Louis looked up at the ceiling and said, "Please, God, let me have wound up in a monastery for stripping Catgirls..."
Linkara's imagination right now (except the catgirls are probably naked)
Is this going to be another thing of his? That he's gonna be uncomfortably horny/objectifying whenever catgirls are involved?
"My lord, you're awake!" she exclaimed.
"And almost regretting It." he said with a smile, despite the pain in his back. "Almost."
"Because, my lord, you are the Linkara!" She replied, running out the nearby entranceway.
Louis also made the assumption that the building was a church, as the girl had hinted to earlier when they had briefly spoke.
She literally said "church". I don't think she meant a different building.
He wondered what Rain would be doing in this situation...
Probably something less dumb because she'd actually know what this place is.
In fact I'm pretty sure this is where she was planning to go with you in the first place. Except it probably wouldn't have taken her 5 fucking days.
... and once again questioned himself over if there was something he could've done to save her.
Well, not zoning out during a fight between a wizard and Chaos Warriors would've helped a lot.
Louis' train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching the room. Remembering what happened the last time something like this happened, he suddenly felt his right arm out and realized that the gauntlet was still on his hand.
What "last time"? You mean the Chaos Warriors? There was no mention of footsteps. In fact Rain had to look out to notice anyone approaching.
If they wated to harm you they would've done so already.
That catgirl literally said she was gonna tell the rest of the church that you're fine. At least one bigwig ought to pay you a visit. Then again I guess you were too busy oogling your new neko waifu to properly pick up what she was saying.
"Forgive me, lord, I had expected you to wish for a proper welcome for someone of your... stature." he stated.
This is so much funnier in hindsight.
"What stature?! What's going on around here?!" Louis demanded.
Everyone you met so far who except the orc has been calling you some flavor of messiah. And you are in what is most definitely a Linkaran church. Why are you so surprised?
"My lord, you are the Linkara! The Holy Protector of Sin!" The man shouted, standing up.
Louis stared at him for a moment, then smiled. "Oh yeah, that. Followers of the faith, I take it?"
Oh, I guess you just wanted them to say your full title
"Rain?! You know Rain?!" Louis shouted back, sitting up a little.
Of course they know each other. She literally told you that she wrote a letter to the guy.
Shortly after we got the letter, three of our order, including myself, set out to her home to see if she had really discovered you. We arrived two days later to find the place devastated.
So the actual trip is two days? LMAO they were probably already back in the church while you were still wandering around aimlessly like a Darwin Award finalist.
"Indeed! Now, I believe it's time I finally learned what exactly all this Linkara prophecies and stuff is." Louis stated.
"Not yet. For now, you must rest and-"
FFS just tell us the fucking premise of this fucking story already.
"No." Louis interrupted, his eyes curving in an angered expression
I was about to give him credit for finally going "Just tell me WTF I'm supposed to go".
Except we basically get a prototype of his famous "You guys have never stared into the face of an ANGRY GOD" speech from the At4W movie:
"I've had to drag my way through a forest, be beaten and broken by an Orc, made only one friend and within two days of meeting having to bury her, broken my ass trying to fight her killers, drag my way through another forest for five days while starving and dehydrating, and I still have no idea why I'm here or how I'm going to get home, SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO! OKAY?!"
I love how he conveniently omits that most of these misfortunes were his own damn fault.
The two stared at him, gaping. They hadn't expected their savior to be quite so... loud.
Methinks your prophecy should've been a bit clearer on the "most mysterious" manner in which the Linkara would be acting.
Now the following backstory starts off serviceable, at least until Linkara decides to delay the exposition he was so adamant of finally hearing because some random proper noun caught his attention for no other reason than to establish that catgirls are literally called "Neko" with a letter replaced:
"Anako? And I'm sorry, miss, I haven't gotten your name yet." Louis stated.
"My name is Indow, my lord. Anakos are Nako, half human and half Ko." Indow stated.
"Ko?" Louis asked.
The two almost chuckled at Louis for not knowing what it was. They could understand that he didn't know the history, but to not know what a Ko was seemed idiotic to them.
(Also what the hell? You guys have your own term for "cat", but according to Rain you know what a "bird" is.)
The two shrugged, not really understanding what Louis was talking about, but continued on: "They attempted to invade the islands and conquer the Anakos, but thanks to the fact that the Anakos' intelligence and weapons skills surpassed the Arbiters, they failed. Soon afterwards, they took over the entire land of Ai."
Luckily the superior catgirl samurai managed to rebuke the invasion of the mongol nazis and restore peace and harmony in Glorious Shadae.
Unfortunately the mainland was pretty much fucked. Just like with the real mongols.
(The Arbiters are probably not supposed to be mongols, but the fucking catgirls had me thinking of Japan and I suddenly drew weird historical analogues.)
"Although officially it was the kiro 1,000, it was later changed to the kiro 0 because it was the kiro that the Linkaran Man came." Indow stated.
I better hope you also rebranded whatever calendar system you have into the Linkaran Century, otherwise this is gonna get confusing af for future generations.
"The old man who had the first visions of the Linkara. He foretold of a day when an evil darkness would slip onto Sin and begin spreading such a terrible influence not on just the people but even kings. Any that did not follow them would be slaughtered by the darkness and it's servants." Garik explained.
Fan-fucking-tastic. Everyone's been colonized by nazi knights who torture people for fun, and then some old fuck tells everyone that something even worse is awaiting them in the future. What a dick.
Also it just occurred to me that the Linkaran faith is a doomsday cult. Seems the entire faith primarily revolves around some ultimate evil that will eventually show up, but it's fine because there's also gonna be a savior.
Sure, many religions have their own version of a doomsday that contains parts about a new beginning, but they also have a lot of other shit. This is like if the Bible only contained the Book of Revelation.
The Linkara is the protector of Sin brought down by the heavens. He wears an armor that has been imbued by angels, and he shall gain the power of angels himself.
Speaking of shit just occurring to me, this does sound a bit like Vaguely Christian Saint Seiya.
Or this "Armor of God" stuff that only fundies care about, but that's mostly meant to be symbolic afaik.
For 100 kiros, the darkness spread out further unchallenged until Linkaran Acolytes accidentally set fire to powders that had been mixed together. The Acolytes discovered that by chanting and saying words in ancient languages, they could manipulate the powders and plants through burning to create spells and magic.
Considering the Darkness showed up 300 years ago, this means that magic has only existed in this world for 200 years, and it appears to be Linkaran exclusive. And here I was wondering why they seem to use wizards as clerics.
Also it was invented because someone read an old book near a bunch of not-blackpowder. Okay.
With this newfound power, we began to openly fight the darkness, as prophesized by the Linkaran scrolls.
Oh, you mean the bit about how they shall learn how to manipulate fire, water, and lightning? Yeah, that bit also says that shall fail because the darkness consumes both weakness and strength. This is like fucking Ragnarök, except gay and lame.
Louis sits where he was, taking in the last twenty minutes carefully. He had learned a great deal, especially of his purpose here on this planet. However, a great many questions still floated around his mind.
Most of which will probably never be answered.
What had been the voice that had first lured him here in the first place?
God, maybe? Does this religion have one? If not probably one of those angels who actually do seem to be a thing?
How could he understand these people in near-perfect English?
Magic, bitch.
If he really was the Linkara, why did he only have a gauntlet and not a full armor?
Because Athena is fucking with you. Probably has been hanging out with Cancer Deathmask and Pisces Aphrodite too much. Those guys are fucking assholes.
Wait, what if this is a Rayearth reference? The protagonists there had weapons and armor that had to evolve like fucking Pokemon.
"The King of Ai, of course! He is not a follower of the Linkaran beliefs. He believes that the prophecies are just the mad writings of a lunatic." Indow explained.
He kinda has a point, honestly.
And what other religion provides him with his Mandate of Heaven?
Come to think of it, is there any ruler who believes in the Linkaran teachings? That's like kinda important for the religion's long-term survival, because some other faith that actually does hold executive power might decide to get rid of the competition.
Dear God, he thought, she's pretty... Damn hormones... I don't know if I'm feeling love or lust... Why the hell am I even thinking about this? I have other things to worry about, like destroying this darkness thing.
Although I can't help but think that going to this King of Ai is going to be a big mistake...
Well, one of the Dork Knights told you the king was on Team Darkness, but I'm sure you'll remember that when it's too late.
"Please, my lord! If the Dark Knights have followed you here, they must not find you!" Garik shouted, quickly running off down the stairs with Indow.
For once I don't actually think this is Linkara's fault. You seem to be the biggest Linkaran church from Rain's shack in the woods, so you should've known that they'd pay you a visit eventually.
Louis blinked at the ceiling. "Hide?"
He jumped out of the bed, ignoring his pains once again. "Like hell I will."
Don't worry. I'm sure the famed Linkaran Wizard Army can handle this.
There's not gonna be more than one wizard in the next fight, is it?
Next Time: Another fight is upon us! How many groins will be kicked this time?!
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
We interrupt our regular scheduled programming for an interesting bit of Linkaran history.
Did you know that Linkara has an old DeviantArt account? It's pretty much solely dedicated to the Lightbringer, but there's this little bit of crossover art where Indow cucks her Lord and Savior in favor of The Lightbringer (tm):
Catgirl?Show
Man, turns out his description was on point and Sinian catgirls are pretty much just elves. You can't even see her tail here. How can you take a look at this and immediately go "UwU catgirl me so horny"?
Also his description is kinda funny in an unintended way:
Had the inspiration to draw this yesterady, it's Indow Chyprea from my books having a conversation with Lightbringer from my webcomic on the ledge of a building. Once again, it proves I CAN shade, it's just it takes too long for me to do it for my comic. ^_~ Critique at your leisure.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
Book 1, Chapter 5 - Answers and Questions Alike (Or: How groin-obsessed can you get while still being straight?)
When we last left our hero(?), he had just scored himself a better waifu (who is supposedly a catgirl despite looking more like an elf with a tail), got a slightly more useful exposition dump, and now has to defend his followers against the Ruinous Powers.
Supposedly the Dark Knights have followed him to this church, but if you're called the "First Church of the Linkara" and are a two days march away from the last shack in the woods they've raided, chances are they would've attack you sooner rather than later.
Now it's time for Linkara to show his worth. Will he finally be able to protect a follower of this faith he doesn't know too much about? And what count will be higher by the end of the chapter: the number of Linkarans he failed to save, the number of cringy lines he spouts, or the number of groins he kicked?
The Epic BattleShow
Louis figured that most of the pain would subside if he got his muscles moving again, so he quickly stretched his arms and legs out as he ran down the stairs. Halfway down, he caught up with Indow and Garik. As soon as they saw him, they opened their mouths to voice protest.
"My lord! You need to-" Garik began.
"The last time someone told me to go and hide while they dealt with Dark Knights ended up being buried a few hours later by me. You're going to need me if you hope to kick these guys' sorry asses." Louis replied.
The two sighed as they finally arrived into the main chamber. Three Dark Knights stood at the opposite wall, standing over the dead body of a girl. Louis gritted his teeth in anger from seeing the dead girl. She couldn't have been older than fifteen years old. The beautiful white robes she wore were stained with red blood from the stab wound by the Dark Knight's black sword.
"Anyao!" Indow cried, horrified by the sight.
Louis presumed that that was the name of the dead girl. The Dark Knights looked over at the three who had just entered and narrowed their eyes. One stood up ahead of the other two. The next presumption Louis decided to make was that this Knight was the leader of the pack because of the black horns that came out of it's helmet. He never remembered the three Knights he had fought back at Rain's cottage to have the horns.
"That girl refused to tell us where the Linkara was. I certainly hope you can provide us with better answers." he said.
"Even if I knew where he was-" Garik began.
"I'm the Linkara, you son of a bitch." Louis interrupted again. "What about it?"
One of the Knights stood up, putting his hand on the lead Knight's shoulder. "Let me, Hexin! It has been my dream to battle the God of these primitives."
The lead Knight shook his head. "No. To battle this bastard child has been a vision long-waiting for myself. It is the very reason why I joined our Master. You may do with the pure women of this pathetic church as you wish."
"Peh," the other remarked. "these wenches are small pleasure compared to killing the Linkara!"
"Excuse me!" Louis shouted, shooting the blade out from his gauntlet. "While you've been arguing over who gets to fight me, I've been thinking of about three-hundred different ways I want to kill you."
"Very well, boy!" The lead stated, pulling his sword from his sheath. "I challenge thee to a duel!"
The reaction to this was not what the people there were expecting. Louis extended his left arm out and gave the Dark Knight the finger.
"Fuck you!" Louis said before smiling.
The Dark Knight gritted his teeth in anger before roaring and charging at Louis. Louis stood exactly where he was, smiling the whole time. Garik and Indow backed off from him quickly, unsure of what strategy he was plotting in his head. The Knight could care less, the only thought going through his head was thinking of the satisfying sound the Linkaran boy would make as he stuck his sword through him.
As soon as the Knight was close enough, Louis dropped to the ground and rammed his foot into the space between the Knight's legs. The Knight gasped, stopping in his tracks. The pain shot through him immediately, and he was unsure of how the boy could accomplish such a feat. Not waiting for the Knight to drop to the ground like the last time he pulled this trick, he quickly got up and slammed the blade through the chest of the Knight and pulled out. He went to the ground and rolled away to avoid the sword that came falling to the spot he had just been at. Like before, the Dark Knight's mouth filled with black blood and he fell to the ground, dead.
Louis stood up, breathing deeply and giving off a light sweat as he licked his lips. He turned to the other two knights and aimed his blade at them.
"Who gets to fight the Angel kid now?" Louis queried, grinning widely.
The two remaining Knights exchanged glances and unsheathed their swords at the same time. Louis winced. He hadn't fought two at the same time before, and wasn't quite sure he could with just one blade and no kind of armoring or protection. Still, he couldn't let the Church be slaughtered by these maniacs.
"REFLECT!"
Louis couldn't hear Indow's shout over the battle roars of the two knights who came charging at him. What only Garik had noticed was that Indow had gathered white herbs from her pocket and kneeled down, praying quickly. She had apparently cast some type of spell, but Louis did not know that as he charged towards the two Knights. He managed to block the first Knight's sword with his own blade, but he winced, closing his eyes in case this really was the end as the second blade came in from the side. However, he didn't feel the icy hand of death on his shoulder, but a force that repelled the sword back the second it came within an inch of his side.
Not taking this miracle for granted, he quickly kneed the first Knight in the shins and decapitated him when he bent over in pain. The second Knight was taken aback for a moment, not sure of how his sword had bounced away. Louis narrowed his eyes and sidestepped slowly. The Knight did the same, preparing his sword for defense.
"Whatever trick you have played to defeat my companions shall not work on me." The Knight stated.
"I doubt it will. And so here it has come: down to you and down to me." Louis replied, hunching over slightly.
Louis licked his lips and grinned widely. "Man to man. Mano a mano. One on one."
The Knight stared at him cautiously, unsure of what he was saying. "What are you talking about, boy?"
Before Louis could answer, one of the girls who had been in the room watching slammed a candle pole into the back of the Knight's head. The helmet didn't seem to be very tight around the knight's head, because the impact of the pole slammed the helmet with it. The Knight fell forward onto the ground, unconscious. Louis sighed and fell to his knees, groaning in pain. Garik, Indow, and the girl rushed over to him.
"My lord, are you all right?" the girl asked.
Louis nodded. "Yeah... Thanks for that, I doubt I could've taken him."
The girl smiled and blushed. "You are the Linkara, my lord! You could've defeated him."
Louis sighed and got up, the others helping him.
"Shall we kill him, my lord?" Garik asked.
"No," responded Louis. "he's far more valuable to us alive. Do you have any dungeons, brigs, cells, something like that?"
"In the cellar we have a dungeon prepared for prisoners of the Kingdom we hold until the militia takes them into custody." Garik replied.
"Strip him of his armor and weapons and place him there, tie him up with anything you can find. We're going to need some information." Louis explained.
*
The Dark Knight groggily awoke, trying to regain his bearings. Before him stood Louis, with his arms crossed and his eyes glaring at the Knight. The Knight growled and tried to stand up and raise his weapon, but realized he couldn't. He looked down at himself and saw himself bound tightly to a chair with white ropes. He was in his underwear, a black shirt and what looked like black sweatpants.
"Good morning." Louis greeted.
"I will rip your throat out for this, Linkara!" the Knight exclaimed.
"I don't think so. Last time I checked, you were the one tied to a chair." Louis replied.
The Knight growled silently and continued struggling against the ropes. Louis began to walk in circles around him, holding his hands behind his back. The Knight just glared at him each time he passed into his view. After six revolutions around the Knight, Louis stood directly in front of him.
"I know how the first three Knights found me: by intercepting Rain's letters to the church. But I want to know how you found me here. I want to know how many more of you people are hunting after me, and I want their exact positions on a map." Louis stated.
The Knight remained silent.
Louis continued glaring at him, knowing now that just asking would not get the information. "You know, I come from a little country that has laws and morals. Those morals and laws say that torturing someone for information is wrong."
The Knight raised an eyebrow, still unsure of Louis' strategy.
For most of my country, such acts are heinous and terrible things, and no one would even dream of trying such an exercise!"
"For most of my country, such acts are heinous and terrible things, and no one
would even dream of trying such an exercise!"
All of a sudden, the blade within Louis' gauntlet slid out. Louis pointed the blade straight at the Knight's face. "But we're not in my country, are we?"
The Knight gulped.
*
Garik and Indow had been pacing outside the dungeon room before Louis hastily exited it. He walked quickly through the dark and dreary corridors, the two following him close behind.
Did you get the information?" Garik asked.
Louis smiled as he replied, "Let's just say this guy wouldn't do so hot in a game of poker."
As they began walking up the stairs, Louis continued: "Getting the information about how they knew I was here was a little harder to extract until I threatened to, I quote, 'Use my blade on the spot that made your companions succumb to my power.' Tell me, Garik, did you inform this King of yours about my arrival?"
"Of course! I sent word to him immediately." Garik replied.
"That's what I was afraid of. Our friend in there said that he was sent here under orders by the King of Ai." Louis stated.
Garik and Indow gasped, unbelieving of Louis of what he just said.
"And there's further evidence." Louis continued. "When the Knights first attacked Rain's cottage, they said that they'd 'Kill me in the name of their master and the King of Ai.' The Knight talking about the King reminded me of it."
Louis turned to face the two. Garik was still in shock, but Indow glared at Louis, frustrated at what he was suggesting. "That's preposterous! The King is a kind, gentle man! Although he is not of the Faith, he would never join forces with the Darkness!"
Louis winced. "Well, that's what I heard and that's what he told me."
"That being in there deliberately joined the Darkness! It is a product of darkness, evil, and despair! We should kill it now and stop listening to the lies it spews from its mouth." Indow shouted.
"Well, it's my call and I say he lives!" Louis ordered.
Indow winced and stepped back, hanging her head down. Silently, she replied, "You are of right of course, my lord."
Louis sighed and continued walking up the stairs back to the main part of the church. "Do you have a copy of these Linkaran Prophecies at this church?"
"Copy? No. We have an excerpt from the scroll. The very first piece, in fact!" Garik stated.
"Show it to me!" Louis commanded.
Garik nodded and led the way. Indow followed behind Louis, still seeming a bit shaken by his shouting at her. Garik led them through the winding hallways of the church and several rooms, trying to get to the most heavily protected section of the church. As they approached the final doorway, three guards stood in front of it. They were all protected by a very thick white armor, and the odd thing about them was that they all had smiles on them. Not big grins you'd find on a clown, but casual smirks.
"Identify yourselves!" One called out.
"Priest Garik Chyprea of the First Church of the Linkara, my daughter Assistant Priestess Indow Chyprea of the First Church of the Linkara, and the Linkara himself." Garik shouted back.
"Your identities are known to us. However, you must be tested! Walk towards the giver of life so that we see if you serve the blasphemous darkness that we wage battle upon!" Another commanded.
Garik and Indow nodded in reply, and Louis just shrugged, following their lead. Garik casually walked towards a small opening in the stonewall and closed his eyes, facing out from it. One of the guards walked over to the opening and pulled a rope cord hanging nearby from it, hard. Water began pouring down from the ceiling of the opening, flowing all over Garik and going down to the slanted floor of the opening. The slant was curved inwards so that the water flowing down would meet at his feet and collect there. The guard that had pulled the rope kneeled down with a candle to examine the water.
"The life giver is pure and clear. This man is no enemy to the faith. The girl and then the boy next." He said.
Indow nodded and pulled up her robes slightly as the water stopped pouring down. She placed her feet within it and stood calmly. The guard examined it once more with the camera [sic] and nodded.
"This life giver is pure and clear as well! This girl is no enemy to the faith. The boy now." The guard shouted.
Louis was wondering what this whole process was. Was it some sort of test of 'worthiness' to see the Linkaran scrolls, or possibly a way to flush out enemies? Did something happen to the water when non-Linkarans touched it?
The only way to test the theories, it seemed, was to step in and see what would happen. With his heartbeat increasing a little in nervousness, Louis removed his shoes and socks and stepped into the opening, shivering from the cold water that encompassed his feet and ankles. The guard once more leaned down with the candle to examine the water.
He smiled and reported, "The life giver is indeed pure and clear. The three may now enter into the sacred chamber."
Garik bowed his head down, accepting the decision of the guards. The other two guards kneeled down and did some sort of silent prayer. Louis couldn't make out the words because of how quiet it was, but he knew they were speaking. After a few more seconds of it, the door lock clicked open, and the doors in front of the guards opened. Indow and Louis followed behind Garik as he led them past the doors and into a vast chamber. The entire chamber was dome-shaped, in the center of the floor a scroll sat on a pillow, which in turn sat at the top of a small column. Louis wondered briefly about the architect who had managed to create a dome shape with the stone bricks used in this time period.
Garik calmly proceeded to lift the scroll from the pillow and unroll it. Louis took notice of the tears at the bottom of it.
Louis asked curiously, "What's with the tears at the bottom?"
"This is only one piece of the scrolls." Garik explained. "The scrolls in all their sections were separated and spread out throughout the five lands to prevent the Darkness from taking them all."
Garik handed the opened scroll to Louis, who raised an eyebrow at the writing on it in surprise.
"Now, the language is in ancient Ai, but I've managed to translate most of-" Garik started.
"'Take heed and bear witness to the writings contained herein, because they are the prophecies of the Linkara, the angelic protector of Sin.'" Louis interrupted. Garik and Indow were in shock from the fact that Louis had read the ancient language perfectly.
"How did you do that?!" Garik asked.
"I'm not sure... At first they looked like foreign letters and words, but then they just started fitting together and I could read them." Louis replied.
"Perhaps, my lord, it is one of your abilities that has not been documented in the scrolls: an ability to understand all the different languages of Sin." Indow suggested.
"Well, if that's true, it might come in handy if we have to travel all the way to that other country to fight this Darkness of yours..." Louis stated.
Louis continued reading through the scroll: "'When the Queen of the sun and the Queen of the moon meet to shake hands, a great evil shall slip past them and enter the world of Sin. Woe be to the inhabitants of Sin, for the evil shall cast down a wave of darkness that shall blacken the waters and will bring blight to the crops. The farmers shall wither and die, and the merchants bludgeoned by their own items of trade. Woe be to the armies of Sin, for they shall be powerless to stop the evil. The shining knights shall be corrupted, and the kindest kings shall breathe fire upon their subjects. Woe be to the children of Sin, for the evil crushes beings of all size and age beneath its heels. The wise and aged's hearts shall burst while the young and the strong crumble to dust.' Gee, what a pleasant little children's story this is..."
Louis made a disgusted face, slightly disturbed by the descriptions used in the scrolls.
"Indeed, my lord, but it is even more horrible when viewed up close..." Garik stated, grimacing.
Louis looked up from the scrolls, blinking at Garik. "You've actually seen some of this happening?"
Garik nodded, acting like he was ashamed of it.
"My condolences." Louis said.
He then quickly returned to reading: "'Know the evil's servants by the color of the life giver. The hue shall be dark as pitch, it's color darker as the hierarchy nears its peak. Servants who announce themselves warriors of evil shall be clothed in sable metal, their faces never showing joy or content. Servants who work in secret shall smile and laugh and act like all those around them, and they shall be clothed like citizens of Sin.' Is that why we stepped into the water? To test if we worked for the Darkness?"
"Yes. The life giver turns black whenever a servant of evil comes near it." Indow stated.
"You mean water?" Louis asked.
"Wah-ter?" Garik asked.
Louis shook his head, shrugging. "Never mind. Anyway, let's see... 'After the great sorrow that befalls Sin comes to full bloom, the Heavens shall demand the Queen of the air smite down one of the darkness' higher servants. At that sign, the people of Sin's hearts shall grow stronger, and they shall learn how to manipulate fire, water, and lightning. Many shall summon up the strength of the wills of men to fight back against the darkness, but shall fail because the darkness consumes both weakness and strength.' Okay, explain that one to me."
"We believe that the death of Gritsnak a month ago was the herald of your coming. Magic itself was still a fine art, requiring many kiros devotion to it. However, shortly after Gritsnak's death, those within the Linkara became more attuned and focused with it, and it began to take less time to learn it." Indow explained.
"And... The prophecy stops there! Well then, where is the next scroll piece?" Louis asked.
"This first scroll is continued in the Second Church of the Linkara in Walsz." Garik replied.
"Isn't that also where the King is?" Louis inquired.
"Indeed, my lord." Garik answered.
"Then prep some horses and ready some clothes and supplies. We'll kill two birds with one stone and head to Walsz, reading the rest of the scroll first and then meeting with our infamous King to see if he really is in league with the Darkness. Garik, can you and Indow join me?" Louis queried.
"As much as I would like to, my lord, with your return, a conference has been called for the majority of Linkaran Priests and High Priests to meet in Kien and discuss our plans for the upcoming war with the Darkness. Indow, on the other hand, could join you and assist you. It has already been proven that her magic can be a great asset to you." Garik stated.
"Very well. We leave in the morning!" Louis stated.
*
Louis sighed and shook his head to try to wake himself up. It was now the morning, and he was busily tying an assortment of supplies to the side of his horse through the use of a carrying apparatus that Garik had supplied. He looked nearby and saw Indow doing a similar thing. The problem was that although the lack of sleep seemed to trouble him the most, Louis was also feeling a slightly uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.
However, Louis had felt similar things back on earth, and he figured he was just a little malnourished. After a half hour's ride or so, he figured he'd stop and the two could have a nice, peaceful lunch in the beautiful landscape.
Hey, maybe she'll fall in love with you! he thought to himself.
Louis chuckled softly to his thoughts. He had thought similar things back at High School concerning other girls. He had made slight flirtations with them, but he had never had a truly serious relationship before. He pushed the thought of romance out of his head and replaced it with thoughts of the upcoming trials ahead of him. He had accepted that it was more than likely that his destiny was to fight and destroy this evil, no matter the cost.
Louis carefully climbed up onto the horse, as Garik strapped the last supplies to it. Indow was upon her horse nearby, both creatures being strong white steeds. And so another question popped into Louis' head: What were the odds that two completely different planets with different ecological and sociological patterns and conditions would end up with the exact same species? Louis chuckled softly to himself and answered in his thoughts, about the same odds that they'd both have humans on them!
"There, my lord. It is done. The ride should not take more than a week or two. When you arrive in the city, go straight to the Church. You shall be safe there, my lord." Garik instructed.
Louis nodded and said his good-byes to Garik and the other priests and priestesses that stood in front of the church to watch them leave. He kicked the sides of the horse and it started galloping off, Indow slightly ahead of him to lead the way. He winced slightly, feeling some pain from his legs being spread apart on the horse. However, after half a day's ride, the pain had transferred itself from his legs to his stomach. To add insult to injury, his throat was beginning to tense up. Indow noticed this, staring at Louis every time he rubbed his sore throat.
"My lord, are you all right?" she asked.
"Yes," he replied, his voice beginning to become raspy and hoarse. "It's just this sore throat... I must have a cold... or..."
Indow turned her head to see Louis' head slowly lurch forward as his grip on the horse's reigns relaxed. She gasped as she saw him collapse, falling to the ground off of the horse. She immediately commanded her own horse to stop and leapt off of it and onto the ground. However, she didn't land so gracefully, and tripped over her own feet as she landed, bruising her leg slightly, but she ignored the pain. She ran over to his limp and sickly-looking body.
The Autistic RamblingsShow
"The last time someone told me to go and hide while they dealt with Dark Knights ended up being buried a few hours later by me. You're going to need me if you hope to kick these guys' sorry asses." Louis replied.
You decided multiple times to watch her back while in hiding, and you fucked up because you started jerking off over seeing real magic performed IRL.
The Dark Knights looked over at the three who had just entered and narrowed their eyes.
Nice of them to open their helmets so you can see the eye narrowing. Though I do wonder if anyone is smiling...
The next presumption Louis decided to make was that this Knight was the leader of the pack because of the black horns that came out of it's helmet.
Oh fuck, I bet he's one a whole new level of not smiling.
One of the Knights stood up, putting his hand on the lead Knight's shoulder. "Let me, Hexin! It has been my dream to battle the God of these primitives."
"Hexin" sounds like some kind of medicine, or a female-gendered version of "Hexe" ("Hexe" means "witch") which doesn't make sense because it's already female.
Also what makes them more primitive compared to you? Are you the only guys with plate armor?
The lead Knight shook his head. "No. To battle this bastard child has been a vision long-waiting for myself. It is the very reason why I joined our Master. You may do with the pure women of this pathetic church as you wish."
Why not attack him all at once? I'm sure the Darkness - whatever the fuck he/she/it is - has more interest in a dead Linkara than your stupid shounen honor duels.
Also is the king of Ai the only character not obsessed with the Linkara?
"Peh," the other remarked. "these wenches are small pleasure compared to killing the Linkara!"
Linkara's such a Gary Stu that rape pales in comparison to him.
"Excuse me!" Louis shouted, shooting the blade out from his gauntlet. "While you've been arguing over who gets to fight me, I've been thinking of about three-hundred different ways I want to kill you."
Remember how that one Dark Knight just stopped listening to your bullshit and just charged you? That was a good trick. You should've done that instead of having your little mind victories.
"Fuck you!" Louis said before smiling.
How could he possibly stay so cool in face of a charging Chaos Warrior Champion? What could he have possibly planned?!
As soon as the Knight was close enough, Louis dropped to the ground and rammed his foot into the space between the Knight's legs.
The pain shot through him immediately, and he was unsure of how the boy could accomplish such a feat.
This effectively confirms that no man in the entire history of Sin ever had his balls busted before. Did Young Linkara think this concept has only been discovered in the 20th century?
Louis stood up, breathing deeply and giving off a light sweat as he licked his lips. He turned to the other two knights and aimed his blade at them.
"Who gets to fight the Angel kid now?" Louis queried, grinning widely.
I think he's loving this a bit too much.
Come to think about it, he's had exactly zero qualms killing other sentient beings ever since he entered this world. Has he been practicing on the neighbors' cats before?
"REFLECT!"
Louis couldn't hear Indow's shout over the battle roars of the two knights who came charging at him.
Then don't inform us of that shout, dear narrator.
He managed to block the first Knight's sword with his own blade, but he winced, closing his eyes in case this really was the end as the second blade came in from the side.
So without this arcane intervention, Linkara's grand plan of fighting two opponents at the same time boiled down to "I'll parry one guy and get myself killed by the other". I can see why he is the messiah.
The second Knight was taken aback for a moment, not sure of how his sword had bounced away.
Dude you've attacked a church full of mages. You just didn't notice Indow's little ritual and incantation because the narrator said so.
The Knight stared at him cautiously, unsure of what he was saying. "What are you talking about, boy?"
Took one of these characters long enough to ask him that.
"My lord, are you all right?" the girl asked.
Louis nodded. "Yeah... Thanks for that, I doubt I could've taken him."
Bitch you're just faking unspecified pain whenever it's convenient for you in hopes of getting touched by Indow.
Also that was it? Just three dudes against the whole church? You do know this religion has invented magic, right?
*
"I will rip your throat out for this, Linkara!" the Knight exclaimed.
I almost wonder if he ever reused that line in his At4W story.
"I know how the first three Knights found me: by intercepting Rain's letters to the church."
Oh, so there was a third knight involved in the house attack. The text never really specified, and I just assumed that one guy managed to escape the clutches of the hentai tentacles.
All of a sudden, the blade within Louis' gauntlet slid out. Louis pointed the blade straight at the Knight's face. "But we're not in my country, are we?"
The Knight gulped.
Dude, I'm pretty sure he's familiar with the concept of torture. I don't think your confusing ramblings about your world made this any more effective.
*
As they began walking up the stairs, Louis continued: "Getting the information about how they knew I was here was a little harder to extract until I threatened to, I quote, 'Use my blade on the spot that made your companions succumb to my power.' Tell me, Garik, did you inform this King of yours about my arrival?"
Fucking hell, he's starting to resemble one of those modern isekai heroes who are coasting on Easy Mode because the world they found themselves in caters to their exact skill set.
In this case it's "I know that getting hit in the balls hurts like hell".
So I think we'll have to change the opening song:
(Settling for the instrumental BGM here. I could never bring myself to share the actual song because believe me when I tell you that the songstress has one of the worst voices I've ever heard in J-Pop.)
"That's what I was afraid of. Our friend in there said that he was sent here under orders by the King of Ai." Louis stated.
Did that one Knight from the previous batch of Knights literally saying "In the name of my master and the king of Ai" not clue you in on anything?
"And there's further evidence." Louis continued. "When the Knights first attacked Rain's cottage, they said that they'd 'Kill me in the name of their master and the King of Ai.' The Knight talking about the King reminded me of it."
Better late than never, eh?
"That being in there deliberately joined the Darkness! It is a product of darkness, evil, and despair! We should kill it now and stop listening to the lies it spews from its mouth." Indow shouted.
"Well, it's my call and I say he lives!" Louis ordered.
Indow winced and stepped back, hanging her head down. Silently, she replied, "You are of right of course, my lord."
I'm sure this is just the beginning of Linkara flexing his messianic muscles.
Louis sighed and continued walking up the stairs back to the main part of the church. "Do you have a copy of these Linkaran Prophecies at this church?"
"Copy? No. We have an excerpt from the scroll. The very first piece, in fact!" Garik stated.
LMAO, imagine going to the fucking Vatican, asking for a copy of the fucking Bible, and getting a fucking "I'm sorry, but we only have the Pentateuch!" as an answer.
And you only have one excerpt? What are the people in this church even doing? This stupid prophecy is the basis of your entire religion. Copy it and spread it around.
And I guess it's the first part so we can have some RPG fetch quest where Linkara slowly unveils the entire thing throughout his journey.
Indow followed behind Louis, still seeming a bit shaken by his shouting at her.
She's gonna be literally shaking a lot if Linkara can just overrule everything she's ever believed in, despite him knowing fuckall about this faith. "Never meet your hero" has never been truer.
As they approached the final doorway, three guards stood in front of it. They were all protected by a very thick white armor, and the odd thing about them was that they all had smiles on them. Not big grins you'd find on a clown, but casual smirks.
Does this church have any more guards who do fuckall when the church is under attack? And fucking stop it with this smile nonsense. Do you keep harping on this because you've got some stupid payoff planned or something?
"Your identities are known to us. However, you must be tested! Walk towards the giver of life so that we see if you serve the blasphemous darkness that we wage battle upon!" Another commanded.
Spoiler alert: "life giver" is just "water". I don't know why, or why it's not a proper noun like almost every other bullshit word creation.
Also remember this bit from the prophecy: Know the evil's servants by the color of the life giver. The hue shall be dark as pitch; it's color darker as the hierarchy nears its peak.
Water apparently just straight up turns black if you're evil. Must make things pretty tough for "Servants who work in secret".
The guard examined it once more with the camera [sic] and nodded.
Pretty sure he meant to write "candle" here.
Louis wondered briefly about the architect who had managed to create a dome shape with the stone bricks used in this time period.
What period is this supposed to be, anyways? I assume this is some stereotypical medieval fantasy world, but you're not exactly giving me much to work with aside from this world having "knights".
Also brick domes aren't that hard. Pretty sure you can trace this invention back to at least the Romans.
"This is only one piece of the scrolls." Garik explained. "The scrolls in all their sections were separated and spread out throughout the five lands to prevent the Darkness from taking them all."
So nobody in your religion has a clear idea of the full picture? Imagine if there's only one Bible in the entire world, and it has been split into five parts out of fear that Satanists might catch them all.
Garik handed the opened scroll to Louis, who raised an eyebrow at the writing on it in surprise.
"Now, the language is in ancient Ai, but I've managed to translate most of-" Garik started.
Linkara is surprised that the ancient scroll is, in fact, ancient.
Also hang on a second:
"Now, the language is in ancient Ai, but I've managed to translate most of-" Garik started.
Most of it? So not only do you only have access to 1/5 of the thing your entire faith is built around, but you don't even have a full translation of this part? How the fuck does this religion even work?
Luckily Linkara apparently has Babel fish powers, so he can just read it directly after looking at it for a bit. I guess this explains why he everyone appears to be speaking English.
Of course, this bit of the scroll only contains the prophecy from the prologue. Not sure why its the "first verse" of the first scroll when there is only this one verse.
The only thing different from the prologue is that now we have our brave hero with us, eager to have the subtle mysteries of the text explained to him.
"Yes. The life giver turns black whenever a servant of evil comes near it." Indow stated.
Called it.
"You mean water?" Louis asked.
"Wah-ter?" Garik asked.
They've never heard of "water" or "cats", but they do know about "birds". Make it make sense.
"We believe that the death of Gritsnak a month ago was the herald of your coming. Magic itself was still a fine art, requiring many kiros devotion to it. However, shortly after Gritsnak's death, those within the Linkara became more attuned and focused with it, and it began to take less time to learn it." Indow explained.
Oh, I was first confused because this death happened recently, and I confused this prophecy to talk about the invention of magic. Instead it just raised everyone's power level?
"This first scroll is continued in the Second Church of the Linkara in Walsz." Garik replied.
Your naming convention for churches are less creative than the town names in Earthbound.
So it is decided that the Linkara head out with no one else but Indow. No additional mage or two, and also none of the creepy guards. Just the two kids. Off to visit a king they suspect to be evil.
*
It was now the morning, and he was busily tying an assortment of supplies to the side of his horse through the use of a carrying apparatus that Garik had supplied.
"Carrying apparatus"? You mean ropes and bags?
Also note that "horse" is apparently also a thing in this world. Good to know that things are consistently inconsistent.
Hey, maybe she'll fall in love with you! he thought to himself.
Indow's dad will fucking regret leaving her with this sex pest.
And so another question popped into Louis' head: What were the odds that two completely different planets with different ecological and sociological patterns and conditions would end up with the exact same species?
What about those weird and alien animals whose skins have freaked you out early? Will we ever get to see those?
"There, my lord. It is done. The ride should not take more than a week or two."
With him in charge, I doubt it.
Then we reach the end of the chapter, and the subtle hints at Linkara feeling slightly unwell result in a cliffhanger where he just suddenly passes out and falls off his saddle.
I'm sure this isn't an excuse to have the next chapter start with a horny scene where Linkara gets to enjoy being cared for by a catgirl.
Next time: Another Fine Mess, aka the literal chapter title. I'm sure it's accurate this time around.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly
