Star Whores: Diverse Agenda

[Auli]

OOOOOOOOOHHH MMMYYYYYYYYYY GGGOOOOOOOOOODDD! 2020 lol TRUMP WIN


I like Ewan McGregor and I wouldn't actually mind a movie about him being alone, masturbating, on Tatooine for 20 years.

Holy fuck... Internetting around and I got reminded RotS was in 2005. That's over a decade with McGregor 34yro.
Movie takes place 15 years after RotS.
Luke was 19 in ANH. Which means Obi-Wan/Ewan was 53 (even if Guiness was over 60. PLOT HOLE OR SUPER AGEING OR INCONSISTENCY OR GOOF OR WHATEVER).
That means he's 49-50 in the new movie. Luke is 16.

So we will have a 50 year old man looking at a 16 year old boy. Good job, Disney. And didn't Obi have a Waifu in the EU? We need a super empowered and OP woman in the movie. But she'll have to die... hmmm. Gentlemen, we have a conundrum.

What the fuck would Obi-Wan do in this movie?


And yes... I'm super bored.

[Guest]

What the fuck would Obi-Wan do in this movie?

Sit and do nothing but eat womp rats.

[Guest]

About Obi-Wan: in the EU they kept inventing ways to have him leave Tatooine. There was even a book series where he spent years having space adventures with a new apprentice.

[Guest]

And they obviously need a Force ghost mentor because the original trilogy did that.

Jesus, everyone involved in this shit really loved Leia. I mean, damn. Hilarious, though, to see it backfire on them when their coked out senior citizen literally snorted her way into heaven just to fuck with their precious trilogy.

[Auli]

Carrie Fisher was apparently hilarious af and really fun to be around. Think about how godly she was on coke.

I remember I read that Fisher, in the scene where the Millennium Falcon lands on Bespin in ESB, Leia and Han Solo had stayed up all night drinking.

She didn't mention doing coke then, but... you know... it's very likely.


Making movies was more chill back in the days. Also Ford smashing that young, hot woman.

[Rapeculture]

Carrie Fisher was apparently hilarious af and really fun to be around. Think about how godly she was on coke.

This is why I liked her. Also, out of the 3 old timers who were asked to come back for Force Awakens, she was the only one who IMMEDIATELY signed up. She could not wait to cash that check and get high as fuck in some hotel room with her dog.

[Seele]

Last round of leaks, but it's really sounding like bullshit fanfiction at this point and contradicts some of the previous ones:

SpoilerShow

• Emo Ren kills Snoke via lightsaber slice.

• Emo Ren wants MaRey Sue to join him, but she refuses.

• Emo Ren takes control of the NOT-Empire and vows to destroy the NOT-Rebel Alliance.

• Leia gets sucked out into space but uses the force to pull herself back into her ship or something.

• Yoda's ghost/essence/voice or whatever makes a cameo.

• Luke himself never actually leaves his hermit dwelling on the island planet.

• Luke uses a never-before-seen deus ex machina force ability that allows himself to create an astral projection that beams his image across the galaxy towards the film's climactic battle on the salt planet or wherever. Think Legend of Whorra's Season 2 finale.

• Luke's "actual" death is when he's drained of Force energy and evaporates like Yoda from Jedi.

• MaRey reunites with the dipshits from TFA and they set off in the Falcon to prepare for "le final boss battle" of Episode 9.

Again, take it with a grain of salt. I'm done for now. Will wait until official spoilers are out.

[Rapeculture]

This movie is turning out to be even more of a joke than the prequels.

[Guest]

Last round of leaks, but it's really sounding like bullshit fanfiction at this point and contradicts some of the previous ones:

SpoilerShow

• Emo Ren kills Snoke via lightsaber slice.

• Emo Ren wants MaRey Sue to join him, but she refuses.

• Emo Ren takes control of the NOT-Empire and vows to destroy the NOT-Rebel Alliance.

• Leia gets sucked out into space but uses the force to pull herself back into her ship or something.

• Yoda's ghost/essence/voice or whatever makes a cameo.

• Luke himself never actually leaves his hermit dwelling on the island planet.

• Luke uses a never-before-seen deus ex machina force ability that allows himself to create an astral projection that beams his image across the galaxy towards the film's climactic battle on the salt planet or wherever. Think Legend of Whorra's Season 2 finale.

• Luke's "actual" death is when he's drained of Force energy and evaporates like Yoda from Jedi.

• MaRey reunites with the dipshits from TFA and they set off in the Falcon to prepare for "le final boss battle" of Episode 9.

Again, take it with a grain of salt. I'm done for now. Will wait until official spoilers are out.

Probably bullshit. Luke being able to astral project himself was a power the EU gave him years ago.

[rabidtictac]

The stupid space tree bullshit sounds real.