The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike J(eavons)
Chapter One: Two Stupid Kids
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch
First couple of sentences.
‘Okay, okay,’ said Amie from the other side of the bedroom door. ‘But you have to be quiet. We can’t wake up Mum and Dad.’
Simon rubbed his sore eyes and propped himself up onto his elbows. He glanced over at the dull red glow of the alarm clock on his bedside table and could just make out that it was almost two o’clock in the morning.
Side note: I know it's a British thing, but
mum has always bugged me. This doesn't start off with stupid shit like Lindsay's book, instead I think this is going to be a only slightly better than average for a first time self-published "writer." Not sure if this will have the same hilariously bad punch as Axiom, but let's see.
Simon was often kept awake at night by the sound of his sister muttering quietly in her bedroom. His parents thought that Amie had an imaginary friend; after all, a lot of seven-year-old girls did.
How do you know that, Mike? Study a lot of little girls, do you?. Anyway, little sis wanders out of the house in the middle of the night. She's been talking to an imaginary friend for the past three weeks, and I assume she's off to meet this imaginary friend who shockingly will turn out to be... REAL!! So, what is it? A Fairy? Demon? Unicorn? Ghost? Pedophile?
Simon goes after her.
He slipped on his trainers, grabbed his jacket and followed her.
Another Brit term that bothers me. Trainers? What are you training for? Then again the American names (sneakers, tennis shoes) aren't that good either. I hope he mentions a jumper (sweater) to finish my Brit Term Annoyance Trifecta.
The night was cool, and there was a frosty breeze
Frosty breeze? Breezes aren't frosty. No one has ever described a breeze as frosty. They're breezy. Sometimes they are light, but never frosty. Fuck it, I'm nitpicking.
Simon and his family lived in a small village outside the big towns and cities so, rather than lots of tall buildings and blaring traffic, his house and the few others around it were surrounded by miles of grass, farmers’ fields, and dense, tangled woodland.
In case you were too stupid to know that villages usually don't have tall buildings and congested traffic.
Simon, who we learn is 12, follows her down a path into the woods. Mike over-uses colorful adjectives and on almost every noun. Lindsay did this, but at least Mike has the excuse of not having a proper editor.
Simon could just make out his sister between the thick trunks of the black trees.
There's lots of description of the woods and land. Even professional writers do this. Look, I know what the fucking woods are. Stop trying to be Hemingway, and get on with it. They went into the woods at night. Boom. Done.
Somewhere deeper in the darkness an animal barked.
Now what kind of animal could that be? What animal barks? Do you know, children? Hmmm.
It sounded a lot like a fox, but it could have been a dog. Whatever it was, it was close.
NO! Those two things sound nothing alike. A fox sounds like a screeching child. No one would confuse a fox screech for a dog, city boy.
Ugh. This writing.
a distant yellow glow rose from the ground... He looked out through the maze of twisted trees... The moon must have crept behind a cloud, because the darkness swelled all around and the small straggles of white light disappeared.
I'm not sure I've ever heard the word “straggles” ever being used before. “Straggler,” yes, “straggles,” no. Not saying its not a word, or he's using it wrong, it's just such a strange and obscure word to be using in a book aimed at children.
‘Amie!’ Simon cried.... ‘Amie, can you hear me?’... ‘Amie, where are you?’ he called.
Annie are you, ok?
Are you ok, Annie?
Annie are you, ok?
Are you ok, Annie?
WOOO!
Simon loses sight of her, and freaks the fuck out. He yells for her multiple times. He trips, gets up, footsteps scurry in the fallen leaves in the dark all around him.
‘AMIE!’ he screamed and he spun around once more.
‘What?’ said Amie, who stood looking up at her brother with her stuffed bear still held tight to her chest.
LOL! I don't think he intended this to be funny, but it was.
END OF CHAPTER ONE