Pat the NES Cunt

[BobbyBoucher]

Summary for episodes 228 to 230. It's actually short.

I wanted to do individual updates, but things slowed down a lot after the summer. Pat and Ian are boring when they aren't sperging about politics or getting into fights.

Speaking of which...

Amico signs manufacturing deal with Ark Electronics in September 2020:

• Pat goes about gloating as usual. Saying it was impossible for the Amico to hit an October 2020 release date.
• But, also as usual, Pat is wrong.
• On the Atari Age forums, Tommy said he made the deal last fall and toured the factory in December.
• The press release was only announced September 2020.
• So Tommy had a manufacturer signed up last year, he had circuit boards and prototypes being demonstrated, and he even has game developers working on new games.
• Sounds like Tommy could've hit the button at any moment and started manufacturing.
• It's almost like he's a real businessman and Pat's a YouTube Clown.
• Can Tommy sue Pat? One can only hope.

Tweets:

• https://archive.is/cj4g4#selection-4335.0-4337.10
  • Ian retweets Trump getting the contrivirus.
  • https://archive.is/xL3xW#selection-4145.0-4164.0
    • Pat posts a shocked meme at the news. Like those protests/riots didn't spread it.
  • If he makes a full recovery without major symptoms, Pat and Ian's scaremongering will have been useless.
• https://archive.is/nuCkl
  • Warner Bros. Games says "transphobe" JK Rowling has the right to her opinion.
  • Ian responds with "suck my ass".
  • Ian "Glass Houses" Ferguson responds to a comment asking why they talk about this: "They can't help themselves. These people love to nod their heads and have takes while simultaneously being affected by nothing they talk about."
  • Related, Pat corrects the gender reveal party that started California fires and calls it a "sex reveal" party.
• https://archive.is/VfO8i#selection-3079.80-3079.103
  • Ian retweets some Breonna Taylor reactions.
  • "Cops can't be reformed."
• https://archive.is/EWpX2#selection-7283.0-7283.28
  • Ian is not happy with voting.
  • Also retweets someone about the system being broken. (AKA, the electoral college working as intended.)

Other shit ranging from somewhat boring to completely boring:

• Pat played Doom 64 for N64 guidebook.
  • Had to consult a longplay.
  • Glad there's no undewater segments in it. (Are there any in Doom? Old Man Pat's mind must be going.)
  • Using an emulator to take screenshots for the book.
  • Pat wonders if there's slowdown in one part of Doom 64 and it's not the emulator. Ian says it does slow down sometimes.
  • (I don't know why he just doesn't use a Flash Cart. Guess he needs save states?)
• Microsoft Buys Bethesda
  • They say it's important because Bethesda has games everyone talks about. (I don't think Pat has played any of them. Maybe the Doom reboot.)
  • Ian does most of the talking about games.
  • "Business expert" Pat says Microsoft doesn't need to see a return on investment because they're so rich.
  • Ian says Fallout 76 had some bumps, but the franchise is still safe.
• mario 35th anniversary
  • Pat has never played Sunshine despite being a "gamer".
  • Ian bought Hyrule Warriors on all three platforms, like a good consoomer.
  • Pat says the battle royale game "appeals to the zoomers."
• AR mario game
  • Pat says $100 is fair for "all the technology in this."
  • Ian and his wife vonnie wants one, despite them admitting they have no room for it in their tiny apartment. (They have an arcade machine in there.)
  • Pat says other parts of the country have giant houses for low prices, just not San Diego.
    • (Pat paid $1.2 million for his 2300 square foot house. There are cheaper ones 20 minutes away.)
• ea puts ads in UFC game
  • Ads turned on after the initial review period was over.
  • They are really offended by it for some reason.
  • Pat says he'd be okay with it if it were free to play.
  • Pat says EA pulls shit like charging for gas in a mobile racing game. (They complained about Mario Kart Tour once as well.)
  • Ian complains that about $60 for a game and then getting ads. (They're on record saying $60 is too low for a game and should be more. Ads mean the consoomer gets a discount.)
• rockstar bans cheaters
  • They were reading some comments from accused cheaters, one accused Rockstar of being greedy.
  • They mocked him even though some time back Pat was accusing Rockstar of running an online casino with GTA 5.
  • Pay says you can't say you shouldn't go after speeders because murderers exist. ("You can't arrest black people because racist cops exist.")
• Pat's still in denial about being Gen X.
  • Refers to himself as X-linneal or Millennial.
• Gamestop closing more stores.
  • Pat says Chewy investing money won't save it. "Stock price has nothing to do with future performance." (It's investor confidence.)
  • Pat says even a smaller number of stores don't have a future because eventually there will be no used games to resell. (Ian on suicide watch.)
  • Ian says the Middle America might use physical retail, but then says those people buy by mail already.
• They continue to use Heritage Auctions and Nintendo leaks to pad the podcast.
  • They are surprised actual rare games aren't selling for much. (Rarity alone does not determine price.)
  • Pat's horrified that a wealthy person who bought a mint Mario game is now getting contacted by Heritage to buy more stuff.
• PS5 price announced.
  • Ian, who can't afford health insurance, says he's going to get one eventually.
  • Both say they are burned out on collectibles.
  • Ian says the Analogue Pocket is the last thing he had an urge to get.
  • Pat says he [pat] was unable to get any pre-orders this year. Missed out on Analogue Pocket.
  • They say NES/SNES/etc game collecting is different because those aren't limited edition. (Pat owns both NWC grey and gold carts.)
• 3DS discontinued.
  • Pat admits he only really used his at conventions for Street Pass.
  • Pat says the family friendly look beat things like Sony PSP/Vita.
  • They then both repeat "family" in a jab at the Amico.
• q&a Insights Pat has about how consumer's think from Pat's consumer research past.
  • Says the number one concern to consumers was price. "If the price is bad, you lose the consumer."
  • Pat says the Series X Slim at $300 is a good idea despite it being weaker.
  • Says GameStop and Blockbuster both had crazy ideas to save themselves.
  • (Pat does have a legitimate point, but he ignores that physical video rental still exists. RedBox and Family Video still operate.)
    • If Pat were smarter, he'd realize Starlink might spell the death of physical media in rural areas.
• q&a tips for game store employee
  • Ian says to read up on systems you are unfamiliar with, find out the top selling games and read about them.
  • (That's basically it. No wonder Ian is a depressed, bitter man. He has no future.)

Bonus comic: Ian's Daily Struggle

[Guest]

Thank you! I've been itching for one of these.

[Salmonella]

Another update, another time I'm wondering how a guy who admits he doesn't play video games ended up becoming an internet personality revolving around video games. Who can even bare to listen to these guys? They're completely insufferable.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Just like how Linkara reviews comics without actually being a real comics guy. It was just a niche they ended up in, and they're too stupid and talentless to look for something better.

[BobbyBoucher]

Running way behind. Episodes 231 to 233.


The most notable thing is Pat complaining about save states not working right in the emulator he's using to write his N64 guidebook.

Also, they stretch so hard to attack Tommy Tallarico it makes them look like idiots even more than usual. I didn't think that was possible.


The CU Podcast is now being hosted by Anchor. There's a microphone feature to leave messages.

Pat's wrong round-up:

• It's the second anniversary of the Diablo Immortal shitshow. Still no sign of it.
• Europe is experiencing a second wave of the Pat Plague. Guess Pat's suggested 4-month lockdown didn't work.
• There's a 2019 arrest video of Fentanyl Floyd behaving suspicially similar to the incident that lead to his death. Floyd was ordered to spit out what he had in his mouth and was carrying a bunch of drugs. Pat claimed Floyd was "murdered".
• The PolyMega misses its November launch date and is delayed to February. Pat and Ian previously thought it wasn't worth covering.

Tommy posts some Amico videos, Pat and Ian lose their shit (yet again):

• Pat says the hardware video was by someone Tommy hired to design it for him. (Pat hires people to write his books for him. They use emulators instead of buying games.)
• Says it's egotistical to call it centerpiece of living room. Said he wouldn't stoop to insulting design before, but says it looks like crap.
• Complain about the LEDs on the console itself, saying no one is going to use it. Pat complains that it adds cost. (Pat's never seen an RGB PC build? Or the DualSense PS5 controller?)
• Complain the ethernet jack is gone. Say older crowd might use Ethernet cable. (Grandmas use iPads. Normies, including Pat, use WiFi exclusively.)
• Complain about snapdragon chip.
  • Say it's basically just a phone. (Like the Switch.)
  • Pat says people speculated it was a banana pi. (Pat repeated those speculations.)
  • Pat's "hardware source" says they could have developed on $20 banana pi. "Just slip the snapdragon right in there."
    • (This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Just order a board with the chip you want.)
• Pat complains about the games and that he has to spend time looking up if they are ports.
• Various YouTubers are calling Pat and Ian out for this shit. Pat called one a clout-chaser and shadowbanned him in his YouTube comments.
• Dorkalicious YouTube Channel posted a video mocking the Amico missing its release date.
  • I'm only mentioning this because his wife/girlfriend is one of the fattest, ugliest women I've ever seen.
  • She does "BBW cosplay." Ugh.

Twitter:

• Ian gets a gift from Vonnie: A CH92 fountain pen that costs $130-220.
  • He lost his old one at the post office.
  • I don't know why a man who can't afford health insurance would carry around a $100+ fountain pen rather than ball point that costs 10 cents.
• Consoomer Ian retweets video of Tupac complaining about capitalism.
  • Here's some of what anti-capitalist Ian owns: an arcade machine, an iPhone, a gaming laptop, Analogue Pocket, a PS4, multiple versions of the same game, and a $100 pen replacing a lost $100 pen.
  • He's also stated he wants an NBA Jam 1-up arcade cabinet.
• Ian retweets something about Rick Wilson, who runs the Lincoln Project.
  • It was that Lincoln Project was a grifting scam. Just like Riot Ribs was a grifting scam. Ian and Alex Faciane (Jirard the Completionist lackey) each gave $25 to that outfit. It shuttered two days later.
• Ian retweets something about AOC: "how can aoc claim to be a gamer when she can't even name five women she's doxxed"
• Ian corrrects dumbasses who don't know what a coyote is. Still expresses contempt for Trump.

Other shit:

• Ep 231, Pat finished Doom 64 review for the guidebook.
  • Pat reiterates that N64 emulation isn't perfect. Says Midway Classics black screens after loading a save state.
  • He says emulation isn't close to NES or SNES.
  • "I'm suffering right now trying to do this. And the other writers are, too."
• Ian apparently needs thousands of dollars of dental work.
  • In a Tweet, said: "Take care of your teeth, kids! My mouth is a carnival of blood and agony!"
  • One of his fillings fell out. He didn't fix it because he was dealing with other health problems.
  • The molar is basically gone and needs to be completely removed.
  • Pat says dentists are one step above chiropractors.
• Amazon Luna game streaming announced.
  • Pat also says Amazon doesn't give up on things. (Fire phone, Fire TV game controller, Dash, Spark, Crucible is shutting down after 5 months.)
  • "Amazon doesn't have the google mindset of 'we're gonna give up on this'."
  • They like that the controller will have cloud shit and the service will work on iOS.
  • Luna controller go direct to servers. Pat says WiFi with cloud better than Bluetooth, "never heard of that before".
    • (Stadia's controller also used WiFi direct to server instead of Bluetooth.)
    • (So Stadia and Luna operate the same way. Google was just dumb and didn't sell it as a monthly service.)
    • (Pat's just hops onto bandwagons without real knowledge of what he's talking about.)
• ep 231, q&a what video games should be turned into a novelization and why?
  • Didn't win/Not answered. Pat says "That's a bad one."
  • (Seems simple enough. Just list a bunch of RPGs since those have plenty of characters, story elements, and themes. Some are even based on books.)
  • (Oh, that's right. Pat only plays retro trash. That's why it's a bad question.)
• ep 232, q&a should there be a console-only Switch?
  • Ian says no.
  • Pat takes question literally and says there's no need for console Switch when the Super Switch is on the way.
    • Says it will be much more powerful. (Doesn't matter if modern games require more power than the Switch Pro provides.)
    • Pat says 2k is a good compromise, since it will look better on 4k. (It'll just use an upscaler.)
  • (These two don't know that external GPUs exist. The dock could contain a more powerful GPU.)
• animaniacs returns
  • Pat says he can't wait for people complaining about it being political.
  • Pat says Animaniacs is more relevant than Tiny Tunes due to social commentary and politics.
  • Ian says "it's always political, you only complain when it's something you disagree with."
    • (90s comedy/media was far more even handed than it is today.)
    • (You've got people like Ian calling people transphobes.)
  • Manchild Pat hopes they do some superhero parodies.
• GameStop "partners" with Microsoft.
  • They says they don't understand what GameStop gets out of this.
  • Pat reiterates that stock price has nothing to do with future performance. (Didn't stop him from reporting whenever the stock price dropped.)
  • News article about GameStop selling European division. Pat doesn't cover it because he didn't read it before the podcast.
• coleco chameleon book kickstarter
  • The Kickstarter is not to publish the book, but to consult with a lawyer so the author doesn't get sued.
  • Pat says you can say anything as long as it's true or have enough justified belief.
  • Pat wasn't paid for writing for the Retro Gaming Magazine despite his "name" being used to promote it. (He says this from his $1.2 million house.)
  • Pat says the Coleco was designed first and then fit a game console into it, adding "doesn't that sound like another game console." (Amico again.)
    • "Let's design the hardware after the shape of the console."
  • They did 10-14 videos on this.
  • Makes reference to YouTubers holding infomercials with Mike Kennedy. (Pat says same thing about Tommy.)
  • Say Mike Kennedy was able to manipulate the community because he was a trusted individual. (Tommy, probably.)
  • Make a reference to "lightshow console." (Amico again.)
  • Pat says he was reacting strongly because of how difficult it is to make a console. (And not because Mike Kennedy didn't pay him.)

Bonus:
Ian tweeted this wonderful picture:

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Bigfoot and his shaved wife?

[Newhalf]

I dunno who these people are, and while delving deeper into this thread would certainly explain it, I have to ask myself, is it really worth it..
Pat and his ilk seem pretty much like the INs of the IN sphere.

[Guest]

Ian is the most insufferable, irresponsible person who isn't Boogie. I 100% guarantee he only acts how he does because he thinks being on a podcast gives him some sort of authority.

[mad bum]

Well when you're a wagie getting yelled at by parents all day in sure he feels the need to be a cunt otherwise

[Salmonella]

This dude is carrying around $150 dollar ink pens and he has the gaul to e-beg for health insurance and COVID layoff money? I despise these grifters.