Star Whores: Diverse Agenda

[CuckTurdginson]

Notes on Solo:

-L3 is just as obnoxious as she sounds.

-I like the cinematography, set design, and general aesthetic. This is an appealing movie to look at.

-Lando doesn't do any gay shit. I FUCKING CALLED IT. Told you faggots that Pansexual shit was mostly marketing. Although it is implied that he fucked the robot.
-The movie is hell bent on making Lando look like a pussy, actually, when he goes out to mourn the droid, that beat ends with him getting shot in the arm and Chewbacca have to carry him back in like a maiden.
-Despite this, Donald Glover is hit and miss. He sometimes gets close to capturing the spirit of Billy Dee, but he never gets quite there.
-The movie's about thirty minutes too long and doesn't ever really regain the spirit or momentum of the first hour. The Spice Mines of Kessel are where you really start feeling like they could have cut out some stuff. There's fun moments in the Kessel Run sequence, but its pretty off and on.
-There are a lot of setpieces in here that work, and a few that drag, again these can largely be separated by the action beats in the first half of the movie (the stuff I like), with the beats in the second half (the setpieces that feel flabby).
-As little sense as it made, Maul got me pretty hyped. That Kenobi movie could really be something special in the hands of the right filmmaker.
-The callbacks occasionally get irritating, but its never as bad as some of the stuff from Rogue One.
-I like Woody Harrelson in this movie. I like him a lot actually, he looks like he's enjoying himself.
-I've complained about this before, but Paul Bettany plays the villain and before the reshoots that role was initially being played by Michael Kenneth Williams (Omar from The Wire), and having now seen Solo there's no reason that Omar shouldn't have been kept in. Would make me interested to see the deleted scenes.
-Emilia Clarke does better than expected.
-Its likely that the Ron Howard reshoots improved the movie (for the most part). He "fixed" it.
-Also, probably the biggest surprise from my viewing: I would be willing to vouch for Alden Ehrenreich. I think he comes out of this movie looking pretty good. Not *great*, mind you, he can't channel Harrison Ford at all. But that's more a fault with this idea and the film itself than his performance. Let me elaborate: I'm a fan of Ryan Gosling, I think that he does good work more often than not. If Ryan Gosling were to be cast as say, a young Rooster Cogburn, he would almost certainly underwhelm. Sometimes, if a pair of shoes doesn't fit, it doesn't fit and I though Ehrenreich did a lot to make the role work despite that unsurmountable task in front of him.
-I really enjoyed the Han/Chewie relationship. It made me happy.
-The ending is a mess, undoubtedly. So Han goes to make the dropoff with Paul Bettany and his gangsters after announcing that he JUST MADE THE KESSEL RUN IN 12 PARSECS (one of the more obnoxious callbacks) and the rival gang that had fucked up their heist earlier in the movie shows up and starts demanding the unobtanium. They argue and eventually try to broker a deal because Han and Co. think they're gonna die. It turns out they're resistance fighters and they say that Han should join "the cause" because Paul Bettany's in league with the empire. Woody wants to get the fuck out of dodge with his money.
Now, if you're making a movie about a Pre-New Hope Han Solo there's only one real way you can resolve a climax like that; with him being a bastard and throwing the resistance fighters under the bus, collecting the money for himself. Han's arc in this movie does a lot to undermine his arc in A New Hope instead of building on it.
I guess a sequel would have some potential. They still haven't introduced Jabba yet. It makes me curious, would the callbacks get more or less obnoxious? Would the writers (Among them fucking Larry Kasdan of all people, what is he smoking?) understand the character? Will they stop making these movies before I die?
Tune in next time!

[Guest]

-Lando doesn't do any gay shit. I FUCKING CALLED IT. Told you faggots that Pansexual shit was mostly marketing. Although it is implied that he fucked the robot.

Coalburning SJW activist robot. Stunning and brave.

-Despite this, Donald Glover is hit and miss. He sometimes gets close to capturing the spirit of Billy Dee, but he never gets quite there.

Donald Glover is shit and anybody who likes him is a liar who just doesn't want to be chimped out on.

(the setpieces that feel flabby).

Emilia Clarke?

I'm a fan of Ryan Gosling, I think that he does good work more often than not. If Ryan Gosling were to be cast as say, a young Rooster Cogburn, he would almost certainly underwhelm. Sometimes, if a pair of shoes doesn't fit, it doesn't fit and I though Ehrenreich did a lot to make the role work despite that unsurmountable task in front of him.

Drive: Star Wars edition would be kino.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Yodas comeback kicked ass? Retardation confirmed.

It was beyond dumb and raped both the Yoda character and the entire SW force ghost lore....

And focussing on the worst characters in movie history somehow makes you like it? I really dont get this lol what nonsense. And how could you even say you like snoke when he's been 1% of the movie and totally wasted sheeessshh furries are retaaaaardedd.

Yoda basically just exists to give Luke more lines and do something that Luke was going to do anyways, but with more special effects.

And the way Snoke is used in these two movies, it comes across like the writers had to include a Palpatine expy because the original trilogy did, but they had absofucking no idea what to actually do with him. It's like a fanfic or something.

Now, if you're making a movie about a Pre-New Hope Han Solo there's only one real way you can resolve a climax like that; with him being a bastard and throwing the resistance fighters under the bus, collecting the money for himself. Han's arc in this movie does a lot to undermine his arc in A New Hope instead of building on it.

This is kinda like how Crossover Cloud is always an insufferable emo who ignores his own character arc from FF7, just because that's how most people know him as. Hack writers are hacks.

[Guest]

>BUT THE SACRED JEDI SEXTS

[Rushy]

Now, if you're making a movie about a Pre-New Hope Han Solo there's only one real way you can resolve a climax like that; with him being a bastard and throwing the resistance fighters under the bus, collecting the money for himself. Han's arc in this movie does a lot to undermine his arc in A New Hope instead of building on it.

Now I'm thinking space Trainspotting and I kinda dig it.

[CuckTurdginson]

Han ultimately decides to help, which is the problem, because he's not supposed to do that yet. He's not supposed to be the thief with a heart of gold yet, just the thief. A better movie would have made him more of a bastard.
Shit writing is shit.

[Rushy]

Greedo shot first is canon

[Kugelfisch]

A complete lie is what it is.

[Rushy]

It's like poetry. It rhymes with the Solo movie.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I'm sure they will make a Greedo movie where it turns out that he traveled through time. Both shot first, I tell ya.