Movie Thread

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Like I said, probably the best part of the movie.

>Rathalos attacking an airplane

[Moe Bitches]

The new Disney movie Cruella is nothing more than a series of movie trailers strung together with a predictable plot and a complete rip-off of Joker and for some fucking reason, Suicide Squad. The former due to the (and this movie was so unsubtle about it) Sympathy for the Devil and the latter because of how it is laid out.

SpoilerShow

Basically, the reason Cruella's so assmad is because some terrible CGI dalmatians from the year 2001 killed her mum by knocking her down a cliff. She has an alter-ego, Estella, who eyes her hair red, so I'll just call her Red head. So since Red head's an orphan, she finds these two crooked dolts who are her adopted brothers.

Some scenes go by and she meets the Baroness, who likes Red head's style, the style which is almost overshadowing her own, so she decides to kill Ella and her goons, both of which thankfully don't appear much in the movie.

The Baroness has her mum's necklace (the twist is that the Baroness is Actual Lee her biological mum) which later be swallowed by one of the dogs. Cruella gets her two fuckboys to get the necklace, but they fuck it up.

So this is where the two copouts show up in the movie; first at the end, the Baroness throws Cruella (now disguised as Estella) off the same cliff that killed her mum, and she conveniently has a parachute built into her clothing as she takes her disguise off and the Baron gets arrested. There's also the fire scene where it was guaranteed she was going to die but was saved. Yeah, she's not supposed to die because origin, but boo. Lastly when Ella talks about skinning the dogs for fur purposes but didn't because big pussy.

I feel so high just typing this crap out because the movie was a big waste of time. For starters, the fact that this takes place in the 70's. If it wasn't for the music (which is a problem I will get to) and the name-drops, I could not tell you this was trying to capture the 70's. Now, if you would've told me this took place in the 50's I would believe you.

Well, except for openly gay man, who shows up for three scenes or so, in this two hour movie and would've been beaten up at this time.

Now the music, holy shit. It attempts to be quirky by having a bunch of overplayed mainstream music you can find on Spotify. That's not to say the music is bad. The music in this movie is great. But it takes up 95% of the film, which leaves little to no breathing room. It goes on and on. Plus, a couple of the tracks are from Suicide Squad and Joker. And there's practically no original music, you know, for a Disney movie.

It's a mediocre movie that I would never watch again, but the music bits are what got me to sperg out because it drove me nuts. Seriously, if you even dare to watch this movie and have a shot everytime a new track shows up, your liver will hang itself and it's guaranteed that you will die.

[Complicity]

Did they make a movie about this?

[Guest]

So cruella's good now?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

There's also the fire scene where it was guaranteed she was going to die but was saved.

Though that would've subverted the fuck out of our expecations. Imagine if it had turned out that the real prequel character only showed up at the literal last minute.

Now the music, holy shit. It attempts to be quirky by having a bunch of overplayed mainstream music you can find on Spotify.

Isn't that the default Hollywood template for period movies? Just look up whatever songs where popular on the radio that year and just play a ranodmized hit list.

[Guest]

So cruella's good now?

Of course that's what happens in her prequel, every prequel movie for a villain portrays them as actually being the good guy all along. Every fucking time.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Even if it's a batshine insane bitch who wants to murder puppies for fun.
Though I guess she really does speak for the modern narc millenial

[Guest]

Even if it's a batshine insane bitch who wants to murder puppies for fun.

Fun?! She's a reasonable businesswoman trying to create a superior product to whats currently available on the market.

For her efforts to create a better quality coat, she is opposed and villified by some anti-capitalist hippy couple and their out-of-control horde of poorly-trained dalmations.

Cruella was always the good guy! She was the victim!

[Guest]

You forgot to mention the attractive redhead from the animated movie was race swapped with an ugly black chick with a giant fro.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The "Ginger to nigger"-trick is such an old hat in Hollywood of Current Year that it was always assumed.