Movie Thread

[Old Black Man]

We can't all be as lucky as Linkara.

Every 23rd spring, for 23 days, he gets to suck cock bring light.

[CuckTurdginson]

I have once called Mission Impossible 3 Jar Jar Abrams’ best movie - which I still stand by - even if the movie is held down by hack fraud writing.

The movie is ok, but the first problem is the most immediate. The opening scene is tense and exciting, with Philip Seymour Hoffman - who is an incredible fucking villain - but when you consider the B story - and Ethan’s interior conflict - the choice is messy and bad. We know - in this opening scene, that Ethan’s wife gets dragged into the spy plot. The conflict, here, and they reiterate this thru the whole movie - is whether Ethan’s marriage will last and whether she winds up finding out he goes on impossible missions. But we know she finds out because we see that she does in the movies opening scene.

It’s a fake out anyway - we learn that Philip Seymour Hoffman killed his translator and put a mask on her at the behest of one of Ethan’s buddies - who we learn is the actual sub-villain. I don’t mind double crosses, *especially in a Mission Impossible movie* - but this is made worse by the fact that Hoffman is anticlimactically hit with a bus and Crudup, the sub villain - gets shot with no lines by the wife.

Jar Jar Abrams deserves some credit for his quick pacing - which compliments this franchise well enough - and the cast elevates this movie to passable (made me miss PSH all over again - I’m not saying movies got worse after his heroin overdose, and yet that’s exactly what I’m saying) - but the warning signs for the horrors he, Kurtzman and Orci - would inflict on both Star Trek and Wars were there the whole time.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Fast pacing is all he can do to try and distract people from the Death-Star-sized plot holes he leaves behind.

[Rushy]

I don't remember there being any major plot holes in The Force Awakens or 2009 Star Trek - although admittedly it's been a while since I've seen the latter.

Abrams is a very populist director, but as long as you don't ask him to write an ending, he does fine

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Well I'd have a few nitpicky questions for Star Trek based on my dim memory.

AutismShow

Why "explain" your reboot with time travel shenanigans when every single instance of time travel shenanigans in the history of Star Trek made undoing the changeds to the space-time continuum the primary objective?

Why built the Enterprise, or really any ship on Earth, or on any kind of planet for that matter?

Why is Kirk such a smug asshole to make his cheating extra obvious?

Why do these former Romulan miners have such a fuckhuge ship, and why does it look like the Planet Killer if it spent too much time in the Warp?

Why does this "mining ship" have a death laser that can blow up planets, but why does it need to be dipped into an atmosphere to work?

Why does Starfleet hand out foldable katanas? And why only to the Asian guy?

Why does Kirk use his phaser's stun setting only to show off to the audience that the setting exists, when he doesn't really care about taking anyone alive?

Why does Kirk get speedrun to Captain position when he doesn't even have a single year of practical officer experience?

[Rushy]

1. So fanboys wouldn't complain about the original universe of Star Trek not existing anymore / to get Leonard Nimoy involved

2. I'm pretty sure Star Trek introduced some kind of device that removes the weight of an object. So there's no logistical issue with building the ship on Earth or getting it into orbit. It's as light as a feather. There could be a million irrelevant in-universe explanations for why Starfleet decided to build it on Earth. Mainly, it makes for a cool visual.

3. Cargo space. And because Romulans are space Romans and love to have everything they own look cool. Their pleasure cruises probably have spikes on them too.

4. I think they explain the laser in the film, but in case they didn't, it seems to be meant for disintegrating planets (or planetoids/asteroids) into rubble so they can cherry-pick whatever they wish to mine.

5. Maybe there's a planet/species that can only be fought using traditional forms of combat. Sort of like how lasers were banned in Dune for causing nuclear explosions, so everyone uses knives instead. Sulu might be specially trained in that regard.

6. It's his first time on the field. Maybe he's just testing the different settings, or making sure the phaser works properly. Might have forgotten to do it on the Enterprise.

7. Pike seems to have arranged it, based on the fact that Kirk has the theoretical knowledge to command a starship, and proved himself capable during the Nero incident.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I'm only replying to the ones that didn't sate my bloodlust.

2: Come one, that scene in The Motion Picture was kino:


3. All Romulan ships ever shown previously are designed to resemble birds in some form or another. The design just doesn't make sense.
I think there's a prequel comic that tries to explain this by having the ship be partially assimilated by Borg, but that just raises more questions.
If they wanted cargo space they could've borrowed from the Warbird design. That one has plenty of empty room.

5. If TOS taught me one thing, it's that creatures immune to phasers at max power are probably not something you want to get anywhere within striking distance.

7. I was pondering on whether or not the blatant nepotism was worthy of a nitpick. I know the audience knows that Kirk is destined for greatness, but that doesn't excuse Pike from granting him special privileges because he knew his dad.

[Rushy]

2. I never said it wasn't. The two can exist simultaneously lol

3. Well, and now we've seen different designs. Means there's more out there. Maybe it's Reman design. Maybe it's a one-off. Maybe it's shaped like the mascot of their mining company. Ships on Earth now are incredibly dissimilar in design. Why shouldn't an entire empire have lots of different ones?

7. Pike's a big softie anyway, or at least has been ever since the new guy took over.

[RAPEMAN]

Star Drek JarJar was garbage. Deal.

[CuckTurdginson]

The title 'populist director' isn't really an excuse - especially considering the number of people who can do the same thing, but better.

And I mean - movies end - the ending is supposed to be more thought out than Philip Seymour Hoffman randomly gets hit by a bus. Endings are supposed to be better than "make it more like Endgay and have the title crawl theme come in when the ships come to save the day" - remembering that shit still makes me yearn for the heat death of the universe.