Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Whine and Bitch about people long after they become interesting to talk about
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pibbs
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by pibbs » Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:11 am

Wow. The 47 minute conclusion. Wanna know how they defeat "The Voice", the villain of the story?
Anti-sound. And what is that anti-sound?
The gayest, and most fitting thing for this shit, in the universe...
Singing Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Though I believe Marzgurl's singing voice would kill the dead.
I fucking quit DHI. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will get more autistic, stupid, or INey than this. I have reached the end, and I am done.
Oh, BTW, Linky suggests at one point that Marzgurl should be the leader of their group because of her hard work (CTC) over the past year. Fuck you, Linky! LUPA started that shit.
Here. Because, fuck you all.
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by Guest » Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:17 am

RedLine wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 3:40 am
I assume his motive is some "male feminist" atonement for downloading illegal pornography or rubbing his cock on sleeping women or some other sexual offense.
For years he wrote stories about his mom raping him and roleplayed his teachers getting raped by blacks.

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drisko
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by drisko » Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:37 am

Part six is up, time to do this. Starting off with just part one.

---

Intro lasted about thirty-eight seconds, so not too bad. Looks like Lewis is waiting until the end to credit the voice actors. Intro music is setting the tone, trying to be creepy but coming off a little weak.

00:40 - Stock effects, someone out of breath asking about seals being placed with a bit of crackle in his voice, while another guy with a clearer mic says everything is in his head. Worried guy is named "Omen" (Might have misheard it, at points it sounds like "Open") so that lack of subtlety I keep hearing about has popped up pretty quick. Especially when they keep yelling at each other about "The Voice!" so that you know it's scary. And Turner is dead. Not sure who Turner is but okay.

01:25 - More squelching sound effects and a door clanging while chains rattle. Ooh, ominous. Starting to think the guy being blamed for "bringing them here" might be named "Oped", hope there's a cast list at the end of this so I can find out. Anyway, he and the unnamed guy declare that they have done enough and that no living thing can ever enter "Scarsdale Manor" again. Now call me crazy, but I think that might be where this audio play is being set.

02:10 - Fade away from the drawing of the house to one of a guy holding a HP Lovecraft book. Turns out he was telling Linkara a story. Apparently the place has been shut ever since and the reviewers are the first to enter it since. So you know who is speaking, Lewis has edited it so that drawings of everyone show up on the screen and light up when it's their turn, then get darker when they stop talking. Thought the whole point of an audio drama was to allow the audience to imagine the visuals themselves using the sounds they hear as a basis but this is a video and it would help people keep track so I won't give him too much shit.

02:40 - What I will give him shit for is that the guy with a British accent who I think is supposed to be a Butler is literally named Lovecraft. He goes into another monologue about how the house is damned and anyone who sets foot in it will have their souls twisted. Hagan pops up after this line and Lewis asks her how life as a dictator is so she can remind the audience in her videos she lives in a castle and rules over a nation with an iron fist. As a hero, Linkara probably should have stopped this by now but as we all know he's not a real hero so it's all cool with him, though he informs Hagan she can't kill anyone, which upsets her. Lovecraft takes this opportunity to leave.

3:35 - Lewis sees all the other people there and is amazed at how many of them there were. Hagan suggests their make a band but Suede comes in to let her know the name's been taken. Apparently it wasn't expensive to fly to America because he got free plane tickets. Linkara points out that not everyone is here and references a few names. I only recognised Joe and Masako. Suede makes sure the audience knows that Lewis invited everyone but some people declined, so if they're not there, it's not his fault. Linkara mourns the anniversaries not being a thing and Hagan whines about not being invited to those. That goes on for too long and then they all fade away.

4:50 - Some Jerk With a Camera films is filming a vlog. He's too busy spouting nonsense when he runs into Erod, who of course said yes. They chat for a little bit, Goldmark says it's probably some attraction that the owners want faggots to market for them. Erod points out this whole thing is weird but Goldmark throws a lampshade on the situation, finally realising the danger he's in, but they're both pretty casual about the whole thing. I think this is supposed to be funny. Goldmark remarks that he's wasted his life and they fade out. At least one of them realised it.

06:48 - Elisa and Nella are here, chatting about some Doctor Who thing related to vampires, since Nella is a dork and Elisa likes vampires. Calluna shows up (No idea who she is, had to scroll down to find out how to spell her name). Apparently she was part of a talent drive that a few of the others were part of. Really, all this shit about when they joined and whether or not they were invited is just bogging everything down. Elisa goes into her Maven routine and apparently has no idea she's doing it. Hilarious. And then they go back to Doctor Who. Calluna asks if they talk about anything else and they admit not really, so Calluna tries to relate with post apocalyptic novels, which pisses off Elisa, unless they're talking about the book she wrote (Did not know she finished it. Good for her. Not going to read it but still). Another fade out.

8:58 - Welshy and Dena argue over whether or not the Saw movies are any good when Nick Merlo wanders over to fan boy. And they go back to talking about Saw, Welshy insisting they're complex while Dena whines about how they're nothing but torture porn. Apparently she started whining at Welshy about this just because he said hello. Seems believable enough to me. At one point Lewis forgot to darken Dena and light up Welshy when he started talking. Must be tougher to remove a 50% black layer than I remember. And then ChaosD1 pops in, apparently he's been watching them argue this whole time. He references Hellraiser, which Dena and Welshy agree is good. There's a punchline where Welshy admits yeah, he's just into the violence. Merlo asks why they're here and some were weirded out but trust Linkara enough to come along. Not sure why, probably because he wrote the thing.Welshy makes an offhand comment about how they've never been stabbed in the back and mentions he has a small toy monkey named Rob. As I said, subtle.

12:20 - Rocked is telling Paw about how he was the last music guy on the site. Paw doesn't know who he is. They talk about how Paw has quit doing videos because he has a family (Notice he's apparently not with his wife for this conversation). They point out Lovecraft and Paw says it's not just a lazy name. He's actually a reviewer who is supposed to be a resurrected HP Lovecraft who does reviews. Sounds dumb, but whatever. Paw says not to worry about it since they've all done weird shit in their review storylines. Dominic Smith (Who?) comes over and does an annoying hanger on who doesn't realise he's annoying and creepy. Paw leaves to go get shrimp and the bit continues.

14:34 - Marzgurl finally shows up. And so does Nash. They talk about there being no celery at the salad trays, but then Marzgurl points out how many people there are that she didn't meet when she was on the site. Marzgurl feels awkward being around new people, so Nash tries to help break the ice by just yelling at some guy named Shaun. He was on Blistered Thumbs and then got merged in. He wants there to be a crossover or movie, and they try to tell him the anniversary movies were real, but Shaun thinks they're fake.

16:30 - Mike J and Lotus Prince talk about Film Brain not being there and mention a little bit about how Scarsdale was this 19th century explorer. Which makes sense why 'Lovecraft' would have met him. Ryan Molina runs up to take a selfie, fanboy out, and they introduce each other for the audience. Yomarz pops up and shocks everyone, then makes some weird comments about there not being a chandelier and the ceiling being made of loose tiles. Then that gets dropped.

18:32 - Now that everyone has been introduced, Linkara gets on a mic in universe to ask the crowd if anyone knows why they're there. He decides that since they don't see each other much, fuck it, time to get wasted. He invites them all to raise a glass to the former producers of *weird hissing scary noise cutting off any direct mention of Channel Awesome* shit gets scary as the walls start shifting and the people start panicking. The doors and windows are blocked off and the floor collapses, sending some people falling , and others are cut off.

20:00 - Paw, Lovecraft, Mike J and Goldmark are stuck together and start looking for a way out. Lovecraft goes on about a curse that's upon them, but then gets interrupted when Linkara calls to see if they're okay. Once he gets the all clear, he informs them that he's with Erod, Dena, Hagan and one of Hagan's minions. They try to clarify what's happened and Linkara tries to get them to get back together. He hangs up and Goldmark pats the walls until he finds a door to get them out. Lovecraft gives an ominous "Now it begins" and part one ends.

Also, turns out that guy (Played by Mike Dodd) was actually named Obed. Yeah, I kind of hear it now.

---

Holy shit, I cannot believe I'm saying this, but twenty minutes in and I'm already willing to call this worse than Atop the Fourth Wall the movie. Most of part one, as you guys have pointed out, is just whining about the crossovers and how the site was managed. Or them talking about pop culture. Why should I care about any of these people? They're boring, and I barely know who any of them are. In that last part, I had to confirm Goldmark was the fourth person in that group because I barely know who any of them are (I only know who Lovecraft is because he's holding a book with Lovecraft's name on it).

Maybe it gets better but I already need a break. Fuck.

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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:57 am

You're doing Amaterasu-no-Okami's good work out there. Also I think they missed an opportunity by not having Hagan and his/her/??? minion in separate groups.
pibbs wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:11 am
Wow. The 47 minute conclusion. Wanna know how they defeat "The Voice", the villain of the story?
Linkara does know he should've probably split this up into 2 parts so it is more consistent with the rest, right? Those 47 minutes ought to have a cliffhanger somewhere around the middle.

(And at least they didn't sing Bohemian Rhapsody :lol:)
drisko wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:56 am
Hey if you want to take over, by all means go for it. But be warned, you'll have to do everything.
I fear that I'm not brave enough to continue this journey, senpai.
RedLine wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 3:40 am
I still don't understand how anyone can read that Google Doc and think CTC is anything but a bunch of sour grapes from losers.
>implying people actually took time to read it, instead of just using its mere existence as "proof"

I mean, they did make it extra hard or downright impossible to copy-paste sections out of the documents, so it's not like they wanted these grim tales to be circulated.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by Rushy » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:51 am

The fact that fucking Film Brain didn't turn up for this amuses me more than it should
Kugelfisch wrote:
Sat Oct 23, 2021 1:36 pm
Oh there will be fucker for sure.

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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by drisko » Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:24 am

All right back to it. At least this one's only 19 minutes. Decided to do all of them even though Voice did summarise this one, just so I have a reference in case something doesn't make sense later. On with it.

---

He decided to include the same opening credits from part one. I guess in case someone didn't watch it? Why?

00:38 - Suede and Calluna describe their injuries from the fall like watching the extended cut of the Hobbit in 48fps and 3D. Funny. I really wish they included name plates on the drawings because I had to go back and check who Molina was. Calluna's phone broke in the fall, but Suede's is fine so he turns on a light and there's Yomarz again, freaking people out again. Not certain how far they fell due to there being no light source, they notice foot steps approaching. Calluna calls out, getting no reply, so Suede aims his light to discover... *checks notes* Lotus Prince. Oh, they said it anyway. Anyway, he points out there's something wrong with the sound because he didn't hear Calluna call out even though he was within speaking distance and demonstrates so that she's really muffled despite being only a foot or two away. They get Linkara's text about trying to meet up, so Calluna walks off to go find them, so they immediately lose here due to the aforementioned darkness and sound absorption. Because women.

02:40 - I recognise Marzgurl, Welshy and Nella. Other two are Merlo and ChaosD1. They also get the message so Nella works out an opening and the others assist her in getting a door open, but fail due to their collective strength being nil. Merlo sees a possible exit and they run over, but Nella can't find a door knob or anything. Marzgurl decides they should force it, but Merlo is worried about being made to pay for damages. Welshy points out that's stupid and Chaos tells them to stand back. He kicks it down and then points out how as internet reviewers, anyone who wants to sue for damages won't get much (Because Vic is obviously watching). They have candles for a little light and scope it out. They walk and then there's some creepy piano music as the scene transitions.

4:29 - A voice is cackling like a witch. She sings the Gingerbread man rhyme with new lyrics. And then that's over.

4:52 - Nash, Elisa, Shaun, Rocked and Smith are trying doors. Shaun is annoyed by the lack of light but Elisa is loving the aesthetic as she transforms into Maven, until she runs into a table mid-monologue. They find an open door. It's just a linen closet. They hear a woman scream and run to investigate.

6:17 - Linkara checks his texts and sees that everyone is okay. Dena suggests they start looking for a way out too. Erod tries to voiceover because he's filming. He's just so happy to be in an adventure just like when the others were on the site they're not allowed to name. Dena wants him to cut it out, but Linkara says he can do it because he thinks doing the anniversary stuff is fun, but stops him from narrating. The minion finds a door and must slap herself because Hagan was displeased. Dena says don't do that, but Hagan, sounding more and more like a man, says shut up. There's another set of doors, but those are locked. Hagan makes the minion batter down the doors herself, but Linkara has the keys because he got in before everyone and found an envelope on the door. They enter a giant library with thousands of books. Of course they're internet reviewers, so there's probably only like twelve. Linkara immediately wants to escape the evil novels without pictures, but there's no door. They reason there's probably a secret passage since Scarsdale was that sort of guy.

8:47 - Back to Paw's group. They try to get one of the metal doors open, but they're too weak. Lovecraft won't stop spouting poetry, but does mention a poem about the house that will probably come up later. Paw suggests getting something to use as leverage as Lovecraft recites. Goldmark comments that maybe it's a push not pull, but is told to shut up and put the camera down so he can help while Lovecraft says something about The Voice controlling people. Some more banter and the door finally opens. There's a staircase leading down but they have no other option so they go down as the poem finishes and more piano plays.

11:07 - Suede's group find some torches on the walls and continue along their passage. Suede realises that with the lit torches, someone is probably guiding them in a certain direction since there's no other reason for someone to be down there. And the torches must be lit recently, so who is lighting the fires? Yomarz realises that Linkara... ate all the celery. Brick joke that I'd completely forgotten to cut the tension. Calluna is being naive and saying it's all a game. They keep going, while someone moans (Guess it's supposed to be near them but they don't know it since none of them react)

12:40 - Nash's group are checking the doors for the screaming. They aren't sure where, but hear the scream again and figure out which door it is. Nash tries to knock it down, but screws up. Rocked, reluctantly, asks Dom for help and they get it down. The scream is now louder

13:35 - Linkara's group. Hagan and her minion heard the scream, but Hagan is unsympathetic as she reads Scarsdale's porn. Erod comes by to check Hagan's progress, but gets nothing. Dena finds Scarsdale's journal and looks through it to find some answers. Apparently there was an underground maze where people were killed because of the sound absorption causing their pleas for help to go unheard.

15:32 - Marzgurl's group. Nella's talking about some Colorado/Texas tomato war. And she didn't even realise she went off on a tangent. Wacky. They point out what Paw's group did about it being weird that the candles are lit, but then get back off topic. Welshy talks about how Hagan wants to kill him, and gets a message from her about how she's going to accomplish said task. Nella points out the phone signal is inconsistent, when they hear the moan from Suede's group. A voice tells them to go no further as they may not make it out alive if they do. Turns out it's really supposed to be on a speaker, which Welshy pulls the plug out. Marzgurl wonders why the speaker was there, and Welshy assumes someone's probably making a reality show with their reactions. He insists that none of this is- he gasps mid-sentence and drops. Then a creepy doll thing appears on screen laughing and gives a creepy rhyme

---

Okay, better than part one. I'm not sold yet, the ending sounds really stupid and the differing audio quality is really distracting but, honestly, this actually could have been decent if someone had told Linkara to knock it off with the pop culture references, random 'jokes' and channel awesome bashing. I'm guessing he ripped this off from something since he normally does but it could work as a horror mystery with some rewrites.

One thing I will say is that there's more effort from the voice actors than I expected. They're far from good, but they seems to actually be trying to convey some emotion, whereas I expected most of them to just say their lines and Lewis to go "Okay, that's good, next" like normal.

I need to go make dinner, so I'll pick this up tomorrow.

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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:32 am

Man, I literally have no idea who half of these names are. Especially not with the former CA ladies, where I only know Marz, Nella and the Maven of the Acetide.
Rushy wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:51 am
The fact that fucking Film Brain didn't turn up for this amuses me more than it should
Either he had the decency to realize he was not made for audio-dramas, or he didn't like the idea of someone drawing a portrait of him and his luscious mane.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by pibbs » Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:48 am

On Linky's channel:

Part 1 - 18k views
Part 2- 9k
A 50% drop
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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Jun 23, 2019 11:51 am

Meanwhile, Marzgurl as one of the "biggest" other contributors not only has a similar drop, but her views are also an order of magnitude less in the first place.

Also
drisko wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:24 am
One thing I will say is that there's more effort from the voice actors than I expected. They're far from good, but they seems to actually be trying to convey some emotion, whereas I expected most of them to just say their lines and Lewis to go "Okay, that's good, next" like normal.
Didn't stop him from including Mike J and his amazing mic.

Though I can see why they wouldn't half-ass it too much. Such is the eternal lure of the anniversary special, even in Current Year.

(But I doubt most would want to do another one next year, if the "fantastic" views are any indication.)
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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Re: Nasty Cockslut aka Uncle Linky

Post by pibbs » Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:31 am

Did I mention Holly Brownbag shows up in the last two episodes as a ghost or some shit?
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