NCunt: Black Cocks Only

[Oengae]

I remember some press release or jacket cover quote saying her book is "Arrival meets The Three Body Problem" but from everything I've heard about it, it has nothing good about either. There's none of the actual linguistics of the former because the main character just gets a chip in her head and she can automatically speak albino raptorese. Haven't read the latter but from what I read about it, there's actual physics and science to it and trying to foil an invasion that's going to happen 400 years from now, whereas this book would rather have twee Whedonesque conversations with an alien and namedropping better sci fi books.

A better blurb would be "Stranger in a Strange Land but if it was ghostwritten by Tumblr"

[rabidtictac]

That's pretty good, Oengae.

[pibbs]

I read the first book in The Three Body Problem. There was actual science and theory in it.

In Arrival the aliens aren't passive retards who stood around in a room for forty years.. They are actively working with humans to find a way to communicate with each other. In Lindsay's book & stuck a piece of an iMac in Cora's ear, somehow, and through the magic of algorithm is able to speak to her, somehow.

[BenComicGraphics]

Science Fiction is hard. Modern Sci Fi writers are writing magical/fantasy books but think it's science fiction.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The esteemed sci-fi genre has essentially been ruined by the "I like science!" crowd.
Also doesn't help that mainstream sci-fi movies and series mostly care about dazzling beam spam dogfights and flying dramatically through space. It's sci-fi as soft as a fluffy cloud.

[pibbs]

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 21: Highlander: The Drunkening
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Well, no hangover today, so that's good. Always drink lots of water when you booze it, gentlemen.

Anyway, back to this future Pulitzer-nominated tripe.
Cora is spazzing about her faux pas petting the cat tongue sack-o-egg.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” said Cora, approaching her. “I’m so fucked.”

Bestseller.

She bumps into Aunty, something is happening on the news. Cue Wolf Blitzer on CNN.A dozen airmen are gathered around the TV. Another 911? Are the aliens invading?
No. Daddeh leaked info the president knew there were aliens!
Dun dun duuuunnn!
This is by far the stupidest thing about this book. This non-controversy about daddeh leaking intel about aliens. So, what? Anyone see the recently released US Navy footage of the UFOs? What did Bush know and when did he know? Who the fuck cares? It's been a running gag in our culture that one of the many secrets a US president is privy to is aliens and UFOs. For 20 years, presidential candidates have gone on talk shows and been asked if they will release the secret alien files. Go find Obama joking about it with (I think) Jimmy Fallon on YouTube. And if in reality there were aliens, everyone kind of expects the President of the US of fucking A to already know AND to try to keep it secret. What did dubya know, and when did he know it? Ooooo! Intrigue! Ammiright, guys?
“Dodgson! Dodgson! We've got Dodgson over here! See? No one cares.”

If you are going to write a book about UFO and alien lore and conspiracies, you need to be acquainted with the already more than half-century ufology culture, and how most people would react to it these days. This isn't the 30's and War of the Worlds anymore. A huge percentage of people believe in aliens and actually want first contact. AND I'm not even saying anything that everybody doesn't already know! Lindsay's hinged the only drama and tension in this book on Cora's daddeh being the wikileaks of aliens, and the government's willingness to kill to keep it secret and IT DOES NOT WORK!!! Lindsay doesn't know the first thing she's writing about.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.

LEAK REVEALS PRESIDENT HAD PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OF FIRST CONTACT.
It felt like the blood had been sucked from her face, the air ripped out of her lungs. She all but stumbled back into the hallway, grabbing a handful of hair. Luciana followed suit, shutting the door behind them and grabbing two handfuls.
“What … what was it?” asked Cora.
Luciana shook her head. “It was like a phone call or something. From a few years ago. Proves not only that Bush knew but that he lied about knowing, and he lied in a sworn fucking deposition. Nils probably had his hands on this before he got the Fremda Memo. He was waiting for Bush to disavow knowledge before he dropped this.”
“Why?” Cora breathed, despite already knowing the answer.
Luciana laughed dryly. “Because he wanted to be the man who took Bush down.”

Lindsay fantasy wish-fulfillment.

Cora’s hair follicles were starting to tingle, and she let go of the handful of hair, slamming her back against the wall.

Um, ouch.

It was asked in the discussion if Cora even cared about her family, well we get a rare mention here.

There it went. There had been a chance they could still keep this under wraps. That had been the hope, the plan, until at the very, very least Cora and her family were free.
Not anymore.

Most news outlets believe this could end Bush's presidency. Fuck you.
Half of congress is calling for his resignation. Gee, I wonder which half?

“It wasn’t just a cable or an email. He got a recording. He got the idiot on tape.”

Oh no! This could be bigger than Watergate!!!

“Maybe it’ll mean the end of the war in Iraq…” She stopped, hearing how ridiculous her own words sounded even as she said them.

Again, fuck you.

Luciana shook her head mechanically, still staring at the wall. “It won’t. You know it won’t.”
Cora couldn’t help but laugh. Beheld from a distance, the situation was utterly absurd. “This is like Al Capone going down for a parking ticket.”

“Cutting and compelling!” - John Scalzi, Bestselling Author
“Smart but heartfelt, full of profound ideas delivered with a sense of humanity” - David Wong, Bestselling Author
“Wildly Entertaining.” - Caitlin Doughty, Bestselling Author
(From the book jacket)

Aunty on her brother.

He’s never been in my life! Never shown any interest in it. Nicest he ever was to me was for that few months in college when he wanted to fuck my best friend.”
Cora’s jaw dropped, and she stared at her aunt in disbelief. Luciana backed off right after she said it, realizing how below the belt that was to say.
“I’m sorry about the accident that is my existence,” said Cora.

?? That reaction is bizarre. Aunty didn't say she wished he never boinked Cora's mom, or imply that Cora never should have been born. No sane person would extract that meaning from what was just said. The hell? Did I just have a stroke?

Surprisingly, Cora shows concern for her family again.

“What do you think it means for Demi and Felix and Olive?” asked Cora, searching desperately for a silver lining. “Maybe they’ll just … drop this whole thing and let them go, now that there’s nothing to hide.”
“No,” Luciana said airily. “No, I think the opposite is more likely.”

Why?

“Why?”
“Because a cover-up is one thing—Demi and the kids are evidence of abuse of power. Worse, civilian evidence. Worse, children.”

What?

Did Lindsay down an entire bottle of vodka writing this chapter? None of this follows any kind of reason or logic.

Cora jolted when a knock on the metal door echoed throughout the giant room of her bunk. “Come in?”
The door opened, and Vincent Park peeked inside.

Who? Fuck I forgot who this is.
I had to go back three chpaters.

Vincent Park, a junior CIA agent whom she recognized as the other man who had been spying on her with Kaplan the morning of the Obelus Event, roughly three eternities ago.

The only time he was mentioned is when they first arrive at Cheyenne Mountain. Then again, maybe he's been interacting the whole time, and I missed it. These characters are so interchangeable, I could have totally not realized it. I discovered in a prior chapter review I confused Colonel Keith with Agent Flannel, but it didn't matter. Nothing of importance was affected. These characters, do nothing. Affect nothing. Contribute nothing. This book is purely centered around the inner thoughts of this vapid mobile Speak-N-Spell.
Anyway, Vincent Park, forgettable character #24, brought her a guitar.
Gay.
They talk about nothing important. She plays a Beatle song, he compliments her. And just so we don't think they are flirting, because Lindsay wants to hit high on that Bechdel Test, we're reminded Cora is a gay.

“You’re pretty good.”
“Thanks,” she said. “This is what happens when you go through a middle school phase where you both have a massive crush on and also want to be Ani DiFranco.”

Then he drops the bomb that Aunty was arrested.
The Chapter ends with an article about a power outage in Guam. If you remember this is where they captured the retard alien herd.

End of the worst chapter yet.

[rabidtictac]

“Cutting and compelling!” - John Scalzi, Bestselling Author

I laughed at the thought of Scalzi reading this piss.

https://www.amazon.com/Old-Mans-War-Joh ... 0765348276

^If you want some military SF, old man's war and ghost brigades are both breddy gudd.

[Dingus Bajingus]

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” said Cora, approaching her. “I’m so fucked.”

“I’m sorry about the accident that is my existence,” said Cora.

“Thanks,” she said. “This is what happens when you go through a middle school phase where you both have a massive crush on and also want to be Ani DiFranco.”

I don't necessarily mean to pile on here, but this is genuinely DeviantArt/Fanfiction.net-tier dialogue. I mean, it's dialogue, so I might forgive it as just characterization if not for the narration being exactly the same way. And I might even forgive that (since this character is the narrator, after all) if not for it being bog-standard and eye-rolling Current Year Interbutts snarkspeak.

[BenComicGraphics]

“Cutting and compelling!” - John Scalzi, Bestselling Author

I laughed at the thought of Scalzi reading this piss.

https://www.amazon.com/Old-Mans-War-Joh ... 0765348276

^If you want some military SF, old man's war and ghost brigades are both breddy gudd.

You know if they share a publisher, they usually are contracted to say this shit. Or they were tricked to say it.

There was a lawsuit about 10 years ago where a tech blog reviewed audio cables that tried to push the whole 'solid gold cables' bullshit

The blog said something like "we would like to say these were the best audio cables that gave unparalleled audio performance, but we'd be lying".

The audio cable company published "the best audio cables that gave unparalleled audio performance" - tech blog

I feel like half these review quotes are cases of the above.

[pibbs]

"Whoever said this book was cutting and compelling is an outright moron!"

John Svalzi calls it, "Cutting and Compelling!"