Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Part Three: The Great Filter
Chapter 19: The Bucket List
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch
Part Three's Intro starts by quoting Revelation 6:1-2, which I find offensive for a heathen like Lindsay to be exploiting for her retarded novel. Not only has she spent a lifetime proudly defying Judaeo-Christian morals, but doesn't have any understanding or, dare I say,
context for using this passage. Whatever. She uses it to set up another fictitious article, by someone we've never heard of.
The events of Revelation need not be literal, or even religious, to carry some meaning as to what we are seeing before us.
And what we are seeing is unmistakable.
The fall of the Ampersand Event came with “the noise of thunder.” The Ampersand Event was the breaking of the first seal.
The “broken seal” is the first seal. Conquest on a white horse.
The real terror isn’t that our government lied. The real terror isn’t that our government hosted living extraterrestrial beings.
The real terror is that others are joining them.
The first seal is broken. And it is only the beginning.
What we are seeing here on Earth is the beginning of the end.
Go to hell, Lindsay.
Chapter 19
They moved the retard alien herd to NORAD at Cheyenne Mountain, because it's a place Lindsay has heard of in a movie and seems all guv'ment mysterious-like.
HAHAHA! Ok, guys, I'm not lying here, but I typed that previous sentence BEFORE I read this one.
Cora didn’t know much about NORAD except that it was the most well-known, well-fortified military bunker in the world and a setting for an old Matthew Broderick movie she had not seen.
I've got this stupid bitch figured out!!! And for the record “WarGames” was the EXACT movie I was referring to!
Word of the Day: Doomsday
“At least Cold War doomsday never came,” said Cora.
“Yeah, that particular doomsday, but this bunker is prepared for a lot of different doomsday scenarios. All sorts of new horrors have revealed themselves since the Cold War.”
“I see,” said Cora, her gaze floating in the direction of the transport carrying the Fremda group behind them.
“Exactly,” said Vincent. “Who knows how many new doomsday scenarios we’re going to have to prepare for?”
This is sub-high school level writing.
Dumb sentence. (referring to the two biggest of the retard aliens)
They must have weighed a thousand pounds each, though they certainly didn’t move like creatures that heavy, moving instead like they were gliding through shallow water and the laws of gravity did not apply.
That sentence structure is beyond clunky, and needed at least another rewrite. But there's booze waiting, right Lindsay?
Another sentence needing a rewrite.
The others marched along in a comical, profane alien death march, lockstep in pairs behind Esperas and the two Similars with Ampersand bringing up the rear, eyes to the ground like they were afraid of being whipped for disobedience, except two of them.
If I were a Hugo-nominated, NYT best-selling author, I would be embarrassed to have anyone read this drivel. Might as well use the hotdog gif for her bio pic.
Two of the smaller ETs seem to be more curious of the bunch. So, Cora names them Woodward and Bernstein.
Perhaps a bit too charitable to interpret their curiosity as “investigative,” but something about them smacked to her of subverting what was clearly a very strict hierarchy.
I just realized this is a long chapter so I'm just going to sum it up, and only quote the most egregious of offensive writing.
They preform the autopsy on Cefo. Oh, those former ROSA people from the cabin named after Lindsay's pedo friends? They show up to watch the autopsy. Because, that's why.
Before the autopsy begins, & needs a bucket. LOL! Sophisticated alien needs a bucket to drop his buddy's innards into. BEST-SELLER, folks!
“Understand that the terms I choose will not be a one-to-one translation, as the English language has neither the vocabulary nor the precision of Pequod-phonemic...
Translation: Lindsay is too lazy to research equivalent words, so she's just going to make shit up, because that's what you do in sci fi, right? Star Trek, ammiright?
She mentions the implant in Cora two more times. Did you forget?
“How do you know human language?”
“Experimentation on human subjects.”
Cora nearly choked on her spit, which Kaplan clearly noticed. “Research,” she said. Ampersand didn’t even look up.
So & performs the autopsy. Cora answers questions from the peanut gallery. It's a mix of nothing pertinent, REHASHES, and made up words. Want a sample?
“The carapace protects a semi-organic synthetic endoskeleton, which houses the nervous system. These bodies are designed to exist on alien worlds and are energized by power cores, not natural metabolism. Fremda have a higher quantity of organic nervous system relative to inorganic than other, non-Fremdan amygdalines, as well as some organic body parts outside of the nervous system and a unique microbiome. This makes us unique among the Superorganism.”
“Superorganism,” said Dr. Sev. “You’ve used this term several times. Can you elaborate on it? Your species?”
“This information is irrelevant to human interests.”
WHILE & performs an autopsy, he engages in the state of interstellar relations. Basically, he say they ain't really all that interested in us. Then why you here, nigga?
Cause of death: starvation by suicide. Cefo turned off his glucose supply.
So these cyborg dragon-raptors use glucose? Good to know. Let's hack his memory now. & turns the organic bits to ash, drops it in the bucket and telekinetically scoots it over to Cora to go dump. Dr. Sev (one of the cabin-hiding ROSA people) has photos of Cefo's pencil scratchings if & wants to look at them. Cefo wrote in perfect Times New Roman font. I'm not kidding. That's what Lindsay wrote.
There were dozens of pages of letters in isolation, letters combining into complete gibberish words, pages upon pages of “lorem ipsum.”
Oh fuck you, Lindsay. You can't write stupid shit like this, then throw in a phrase you heard somewhere, and don't really understand, just to look intellectual. It won't work. It's just pretentious.
Then there's some shit about the structure of language, that I'm sure Lindsay read on Wikipedia on the rare occasion she actually tried to do some research.
She had only really started on her linguistics major the year she dropped out but knew enough to understand that the school of linguistics wasn’t equipped at all to tackle nonhuman languages. The study of phonemics alone was so specifically attuned to the sounds the human mouth made—glottal stops, lingual fricatives, velar fricatives, sonorants, sibilants—all noises of tongue and teeth..
etc.
Wow. For someone who only started studying linguistics that sure is, dare I say...
a mouthful! YEEEAAHHH!!! CSImiami.gif
Apparently, Cefo made colored-pencil drawings in particular of a planet. But the superorganism ain't from no planet. They be “a construct. A superstructure.” Whatever.
& says he doesn't know what the hell Cefo was drawing and tells everyone except Cora to bugger off now.
She watched Ampersand as he dug around in ?efo’s now-empty head..
No significance to this sentence. Just found it funny.
He rooted around in ?efo as if he were a car he’d found in a scrap yard, not a beloved family member.
This prompts Cora to ponder family, and asks & about famly in the retard collective. But they ain't got family like that, he says.
On Earth, the closest analogue to a phyle might be a pride of lions or a troop of chimpanzees... “In contrast to fission-fusion social groups. It is nonmonogamous pair bonding. Modern amygdalines retain the dynamic fusion bonding practice despite no longer practicing sexual reproduction.
Got that, assholes? Fuck you.
& had seven “children”. Cora asks if any are still alive. Two are, but he doesn't know where they are. Then the chapter ends the best way I could imagine. & tells Cora to fuck off.
“Leave now,” he said. “I have no more use for you.”
End of Chapter.
