Pat the NES Cunt

Whine and Bitch about people long after they become interesting to talk about
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BobbyBoucher
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by BobbyBoucher » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:57 am

It looks like Pat "Diablo may be immortal, but my career isn't" Contri's self-destruction is quickening to match pace with his new podcast schedule, just as I predicted. This calls for speeding up the Pat updates.
  • cupodcast 144:
    • they talk about hbombersoy's tranny charity stream
      • because of course
      • Pat likes takedowns of flat-earthers. That's like beating up retarded children.
      • pat says classical liberal is code for "alt-right" or nazi or something
        • Pat is quickly going from "centrist" to "tranny-lover ANTIFA".
      • Maybe someone should tell Pat and Ian that Hbomberguy was on Encyclopedia Dramatica and the Metokur trolling group.
        • He's basically Soy-Larry.
    • pat is upset with mortal kombat gore
    • pat and ian complain about machinima taking down videos
    • on prank video section, they complain about jake paul... twice.
      • Ian complains that YouTube stops prank vids, but does nothing about white supremacy videos.
    • pat and ian try to talk about assassins creed, but fail because they don't understand the rules of the universe.
      • Pat suggests an entry during the gangster era.
        • But that's not possible due to bullshit "fast moving vehicles prevent memory collection" or some nonsense.
      • Pat says something about him never having kids. Good, he'll be buried with his donkey kong plushies.
    • They complain about the age of a blonde character in DOA.
      • They say "Elena", but the only one I see close to that is "Helena", who is 20 or older.
    • pat jests his career is dead because he suggests gamers not buy cosmetic DLC
    • pat and ian mock that talking politics will kill their careers
      • Generally, a creator's turn toward politics is an indication that quality of kahntent will take a nosedive. It's definitely true in the case of Pat.
    • bonus: ian is getting an uber. He supports unions for game devs, but not car drivers, I guess.
  • cupodcast 145:
    • boomer pat watching unsolved mysteries (and matlock or columbo, probably)
      • ian and pat are disturbed people celebrated dahmer's death
    • terry crews toxic masculinity
      • tariq nasheed (?) is the black alex jones, says Pat. (he's not wrong)
      • pat was gaslighted once
      • gillette ad
      • I didn't understand this segment
        • Ian tweeted something about toxic masculinity with Terry Crews? Or terry crews retweeted? I couldn't find it.
      • they said masclunity and toxic masculinity are different things
        • But "toxic masculinity" is a talking point used to hammer people into submission. Just like "white supremacy" (which Pat is guilty of for disagreeing with Saint Tariq).
    • DOA fans autistically tweeted at pat about Helena's age
      • Ian claims they weren't talking about Helena (sounded like it on podcast)
        • says it was "Marie Rose"
          • marie rose
            • 4'10", dressed like gothic lolita
            • typical japanese woman, except she's swedish
    • "valve complaining about capitalism"
      • pat and ian make baby crying noises at start of segment
      • pat reads valves statement in baby voice until gradually stopping (guess he couldn't maintain it)
        • Don't understand why Steam customers would be upset they can't buy it on Steam.
        • Ian sort of repeats the game journalist talking point that Steam was trying to provoke its audience ("appeal to customer base to be upset").
      • pat and ian don't understand steam:
        • From what I hear, AAA devs/publishers can get an 80-20 split instead of 70-30.
        • Beyond that, devs can generate keys for free and distribute however they feel like it (such as humble bundle).
        • They can sell keys without Steam taking a cut at all.
        • Big devs/publishers might not care, but some indies may be using this with other services.
    • Despite Pat and Ian's confidence, this whole thing may backfire:
      • The game was abruptly pulled after a lengthy preorder period.
      • Quite a number of Steam users seem pissed, enough to never buy from the Epic Store.
      • Some users may only purchase from certain storefronts for certain issues.
        • May be trust issue - entering credit cards.
        • May be minors who need parent's permission. They might use Steam Cards to pay for everything.
        • There may international payment problems (again Steam Cards in place of local credit/banking).
      • The game was also pulled from the Windows Store, so that might piss off like 12 people.
      • The revenue split alone probably didn't convince the Metro dev/publisher.
        • Epic Games straight up bribed them,
        • The sales probably aren't going to cover the cost of the bribe and lowered game price.
        • Plus, they must already be paying out the ass to give away games like Subnautica (which generated goodwill, unlike this).
      • The game is still coming out on consoles.
        • Some sales may shift from PC to consoles.
        • Console buyers apparently will receive Epic Store keys.
        • There may be little impact on overall sales.
      • Pat and Ian says they haven't taken a side:
        • But they have: the side of sheer stupidity.
    • at end of kingdom hearts gamestop segment, Ian brings up that Pat doesn't play modern games, except Civilization 6 on the Switch
      • even ian knows
    • pat jokes that his career is dead because he said Haunted Castle is basically Castlevania.
    • pat and ian discuss having multiple hobbies instead of just focusing on gaming, it is reasonable until...
      • pat accuses obsessed hobbyists of overreacting to a mobile game.
        • he's deliberately confusing drama channels with enthusiasts/fans
        • mobile games are symptoms of potential corporate problems (excessive monetization, cash grabs, bad gameplay, pay-to-win, etc.)
        • It's like whenever EA buys a game studio: that studio is fucked. It's output and quality will drop to shit.
      • oh, and pat, most real gamers play modern games and not just retro shit
        • Atari collecting no longer matters. NES will soon join it. Even Jason "Begone Anime Thots" Schreier says NES games are unplayable.
      • "unsolved mysteries is more important than gaming" says Pat
      • Instead of gaming, "perhaps you follow politics" suggest pat
        • I think I know what Pat's been doing.
      • hell, pat, I'm on a gaming break right now myself, the Diablo Immortal announcement was still shit
    Pat's future, like GameStop's, has a negative outlook. He can't sell retro game books forever. He attends conventions on the same basis, but eventually those will stop. Already, he's dragging Ian along because Ian has more experience in modern and retro games as well as general observations from working in a used game store. Pat's basically a leech at this point.

    But even that will end. Pat's career is dying and will soon be dead. He's struggling to keep his podcast relevant as the retro scene moves away from him. We're seeing him transform before our eyes into a games journalist. He parrots talking points instead of gaining true skill or knowledge in games.

    He keeps poking at people over Diablo Immortal. I expect some of them are going to be poking back, especially during the NES Marathon. Mr. Buonincontri should keep an eye on his chat filters and hope no one makes fake donations.

    I've been listening to the 2017 NES Marathon and here is some mundane shit:
    SpoilerShow
    • Pat said the sponsors of the podcast give them lots of free shit (I know he has an Eero wifi router, maybe he got free shitcoins?)
      • They each got free copies of Super Russian Roulette just for mentioning it on the podcast and generating sales.
    • Ian has never seen a Chuckie movie.
    • They start talking about "virtue signaling" during a Civil War game. (mocking it "the north wins? virtue signaling!")
      • They later played it a second time, called Robert E. Lee and the entire South traitors. Ian brings up virtue signaling again. Pat says an ancestor was wounded fighting for the North.
    • Pat says that Trump ruined the word "Sad!" since Pat used it in the NES guide.
    • Pat owns a gold Famicom Punch-Out cart CIB.
    • Pat called one of the Double Dragon Abobos "chocolate".
    • Andre (Black Nerd Comedy) says a woman leaving an elevator when he entered was racism.
      • He can't know that. It may have been entirely based on his body odor.
    • Jirard or Alex (sound the same) complain about people complaining they receive free stuff (an Xbox One X).
      • They claimed they legally had to do it, but that's really only reviews of the product, not just general announcements.
    • They start an unfunny series of jokes based on Did You Know gaming (such as Doki Doki Panic) which they call "Are You Aware?"
      • Are you aware Pat Contri's career is dead?
    • Everyone in the room hates Battletoads, apparently. Ian even tried to give it an "objective" (gasp) review.
      • Alex defends himself by claiming it's their "jobs".
        • You're bad at your jobs. Git gud.
    • "Jirard gives the best hugs", says Vonnie. Ian is hug-cucked.
    • Vonnie would rather move back to Tijuana than live in Arizona.
    • Vonnie still watches Denver the Last Dinosaur.
    • Japanese Samurai Pizza Cats is racist, sexist, and transphobic, says Ian.
    • Pat did not like Dragon Ball Z.
    • Pat says the word "squat" isn't used anymore. (Guess he doesn't do squats at the gym.)
    • Steve Harvey is a piece of shit, says Ian.
    • Pat reiterates he was a PC gamer through most of the 90s.

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by mad bum » Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:03 pm

I remember shitposting in there chat in 17 about how YouTube isn't a real job and they saw my chat and REEEEEEEEEEE'D so hard it was absolutely amazing.
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:55 pm

Ridiculous. The Double Dragon Games, Mario, even super rad Skate or Die 2 are still playable in Current Year.

Am I the only one who calls it N-E-S (individual letters) and not just "nes" like they pronounce it in videos?

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:59 pm

BobbyBoucher wrote:
Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:01 pm
Another update for Pat "Dead Career" Contri:
  • I think pat said Die Hard is a christmas movie (maybe in Q&A section)
    • he's wrong, of course, it's not about Christmas. It takes place during it.
All Christmas movies take place during Christmas, dummy. It's a movie about a guy trying to reconnect with his family during Xmas. Just because it has explosions and you're too old to enjoy anything that wasn't made in the '60s doesn't change that. Christ, you're a bigger fag than Cuntri.

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da PAC Nigguh
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by da PAC Nigguh » Fri Feb 01, 2019 10:22 pm

Guest wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:55 pm
Ridiculous. The Double Dragon Games, Mario, even super rad Skate or Die 2 are still playable in Current Year.

Am I the only one who calls it N-E-S (individual letters) and not just "nes" like they pronounce it in videos?
I've only ever spelled it out as N-E-S.

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Fri Feb 01, 2019 10:35 pm

da PAC Nigguh wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 10:22 pm
Guest wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:55 pm
Ridiculous. The Double Dragon Games, Mario, even super rad Skate or Die 2 are still playable in Current Year.

Am I the only one who calls it N-E-S (individual letters) and not just "nes" like they pronounce it in videos?
I've only ever spelled it out as N-E-S.
Spelling it out or just saying "Nintendo" was what everyone did when it was actually relevant the first time around. Saying "nes" is something that was popularized by retroshit youtubers and their 12 year old fans. The Super Nintendo was sometimes called the "snes" but nobody called it the "nes" until it was retro.

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:29 pm

It was either "(Super) Nintendo" or "(S-)N-E-S" over here.

Also "snes" sounds fucking stupid. I'd love to see them apply the same system to the PS2. Pssstoo?
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by ban » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:47 pm

Over here it's this bizarre thing where nobody cared for the NES and were all over old school PCs(amstrads, macintosh, amigas etc) or Arcades and got into consoles when the SNES and Mega Drive hit the market. So, nobody knew how to call the NES exactly but ever since Smash came out and people found out about Nes, they stopped spelling out the name and called the console just like the main character because we thought he was the console personified. So in turn, we started calling the SNES as "snes" as well after that. :lol:

Yes, us europoors never got Earthbound. But it might be a good thing since we don't have hipster circles around it like the americans do, busting everybody's balls.
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:18 am

Sounds like a normal childhood for Europe. The NES just couldn't really compete with the home computers dominating the market.

And there's a lot of stuff we never got. We got almost none of those classic JRPGs like Chrono Trigger or Final Fantasy.

Really, the only JRPGs I definitely know made it here were Final Fantasy Mystic Quest (if that even counts), Lufia (at least 2, not sure about the first one), and I think Breath of Fire (again 2 and not sure about the first one).
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by ban » Sat Feb 02, 2019 1:04 am

I really am in the dark when it comes to european gaming that period but I know about our own and it sounds like most of europe got kinda half of our stuff. You see, we and sometimes either Italy or France, would get the odd J-RPG in japanese, no translation, fanslation or whatever, to appear in special stores or other small markets and we'd buy that...and we probably would have translated it as well, if greeks knew how to code vidya back in the 90s because greece, Italy and France were kinda the trifecta of euro-otakus back then, even getting anime directly from Japan without asking big brother USA or England for that matter, when they controlled the distribution so we had some titles like Kabamaru, the famed Gigi, that anime with the chickens...Kalimero(?) and Juomaru directly translated from japanese, sometimes even with the japanese openings intact. Heck, we had Dragon Ball come to our tvs, before the english broadcasts ever started and due to that, we had a far more accurate translation of the original song.

But for proper, translated games, we really got the short end of the stick on more than just JRPGs and we still did up until the PS2 days. The only time I think we got vindicated was when we got OZ : Sword of Etheria and the USA missed out on it because they cancelled its release over there. First proper JRPG I remember was FFVII coming over and back then we all lost our minds that "Spikey haired Link with the weird big goron's sword doesn't move or act like he did in Ocarina of Time".
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