Pat the NES Cunt

Whine and Bitch about people long after they become interesting to talk about
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rabidtictac
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by rabidtictac » Sat Apr 18, 2020 4:17 am

Keith Chegwin wrote:
Sat Apr 18, 2020 12:17 am
rabidtictac wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 11:51 pm
It's like two good companies combined to become one shitty one. Imagine Vegeta and Goku fusing to become Mr. Satan.
The thing is, post merger Square Enix was still 80% Square people. There's no logical reason why they should be so shit, except that the immense failure of Spirits Within meant that Sakaguchi, the architect of Final Fantasy, had to step down. Just goes to show how much of these companies are really built on one guy
Think about how many movies wouldn't have existed or would have been complete shit if not for one guy. Usually the director, lead writer or editor. That's often all the same person.

To whatever small extent games can be considered art, they are influenced heavily by the artistic vision (or lack of it) surrounding their inception. The question to ask is "why was this made?" Of course, all commercial art exists to make money, but there's usually another reason. A reason dictating "why this subject/concept/design rather than something else?"

Part of the reason Chrono Trigger gets so much praise is it represented a singular project by talented people, who all contributed to a unified whole that achieved its artistic aims. On the other end, you've got FF13, 13-2 and FF7 Remake. Even X-2 was as blatant a cash grab as you can imagine. This shit series is on life support and Square is continuing to make it because its their flagship "product." People are buying because Square is the ONLY AAA developer still paying lip service to the concept of console (j)RPGs. Everyone else bowed out. So folks pay up for their shit sandwich and ask for seconds because the alternative (to them, since normalfags don't play old games) is nothing.
RAPEMAN wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:42 pm
>liberal: ban x
>trump: yeah ban x
>liberal: no bro x is awesome

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Sat Apr 18, 2020 6:17 am

VoiceOfReasonPast wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 7:36 pm
The Spirits Within.
People like to shit on this movie but it was pretty tame overall compared to 8 hours of cringe inducing cutscenes/cinematics where stupid assholes beat around the bush. (FF13)

With the FF7 Remake they did the same thing yet again, walk 10 inches and encounter a cringe inducing cutscene.

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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Sat Apr 18, 2020 6:36 am

All I remember about TSW was that it's trailer was a carbon copy of the trailer for The Mummy.

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sat Apr 18, 2020 8:46 am

The Booze Within is just a very "meh" disaster movie. Even has "Well-meaning protagonist who nobody believes (since then we wouldn't have a movie" and "Asshole rival who sabotages well-meaning protagonist in order to push his own solution to the problem that will just fuck up everything even harder". And the exicting solution of the protagonist involves walking around bumfuck nowhere till they find enough MacGuffins to reverse the polarity of the alien ghost frequency.

Hard to tell whether or not this would've been more profitable if it didn't have "Final Fantasy" in the title, but the added attention apparently didn't help.
Guest wrote:
Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:07 am
Final Fagtasy Unlimited probably wasn't that expensive to produce. It is a GONZO production after all.
I must admit I like the look of old GONZOshit, bad early 2000s CGI included. FFU's theme song is good and, uh, "Lisa Pacifist" is a quality early 2000s waifu design. I can't tell you jack shit about the show itself, I watched very little of it. I've seen accusations that its more up its own ass than the games.
It would probably be a lot less obscure if that were the case.
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Keith Chegwin
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Keith Chegwin » Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:19 am

I think, ironically, if Square did something more like Advent Children instead of Spirits Within, they wouldn't have lost so much money
Kugelfisch wrote:
Sat Mar 21, 2020 2:05 am
Imagine spending a billion US dollars to be a loser. Could've watched animu and be one for free.

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Poonoo
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Poonoo » Sat Apr 18, 2020 11:50 am

mad bum wrote:
Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:45 pm
so they would rather spend tons of money instead of emulating.
Which is retarded since Dolphin is the best 3D emulator ever made. It runs so damn well compared to many others and is easy as fuck to use by comparison.
Old Black Man wrote:
Wed Nov 27, 2019 9:11 pm
Also Lupa’s grandmother? Please, we know that hag was alive and well back then. She’s like the dude from Highlander, only a cunt.
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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sat Apr 18, 2020 12:46 pm

Seems Nintendo learned their lesson from the N64 days.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by Guest » Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:26 pm

How many fancy chips in a cartridge to get FF7 to run on the N64?

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:50 pm

Oh please. FF7 even runs on the NES.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
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BobbyBoucher
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Re: Pat the NES Cunt

Post by BobbyBoucher » Wed Apr 22, 2020 3:31 am

I'm late, been doing some things, but it's time for another update in Pat "Orange Man Bad, Yellow Man Good" Contri's illustrious career.

I'm still 3 episodes or so behind. It hasn't helped that Pat has been streaming games for once in his life.

But this update is special, it's the

Contrivirus Special

In which Pat and Ian give their opinions on various issues related to the coronavirus pandemic. It gets political.

Topics include:
  • Pat supports Chinese fascism. #BelieveChina
  • Gamestop - In which I defend the company.
  • Socialism/UBI.
  • Trump
No mention of an NES Marathon for this year. Previously Pat had said the 10th might be the last one (the 2019 one was 9th).

Pat has is also starting an Ultimate N64 book project and also another game. (I guess he's executive producing the game, still don't know what the other one was.)



The pandemic begins:
  • Pat says to listen to and trust experts.
  • Pat's father was still going to the gym. (mid-March)
    • Pat blames Fox News for influencing people.
      • "Even Fox News by this point and Republicans/Conservatives are taking it seriously."
      • (My shitlib sister was still going to the gym until it finally shut.)
    • "Jesse Waters the shitheel said 'but that guy should've taken it seriously from the beginning'"
      • "you've got your marching orders," says Pat.
      • (I had to look up who this was. I thought he was a youtuber.)
        • Only Boomers watch cable news.
    • "We're 6-7 weeks behind from where we should be," says Pat.
    • On his father catching it, there's "8% chanche he won't recover from it."
      • They then discuss D&D dies and get confused.
      • Ian says 5 20 sided die. (???)
      • (It's 1 in 12, dummies.)
        • Even that's only 96%. It's technically 1 in 12.5.
  • Ian says there'll be a Coronavirus baby boom. (That's a myth.)
  • With theaters shutting down, Pat "always trust experts" Contri says you can invite some friends over to watch a movie and eat popcorn. (coofing on each other all the way)
    • This tranny says no: https://youtu.be/XOqD4vrnsSA
    • (Corona-Boomer Pat doesn't know that even Netflix supports syncing video playback. Talk over voice chat.)
      • Even James Rolfe knows to stay the fuck away from Mother Fucker Mike and the Flu Crew.
  • pandemic scumbag seller of the week
    • The picked that guy who hoarded 17000 bottles of sanitizer.
    • Pat does note most people don't need hand sanitizer since soap and water work fine at home.
      • But then he says that typical surgical masks worn't work, you need "air tight masks that prevent air from coming in".
      • (Maybe doctors need airtight, but masks are really to reduce spread chances by carriers. A face shield could suffice for someone walking around.)
    • Pat wonders why Amazon isn't as quick to remove counterfeit items. (because those don't cause panics)
    • Pat wonders how people found the guy.
      • (He posted a picture of himself loading a storage unit. People searched his home city for matching storage sheds.)
        • Kind of like how I confirmed I found Pat's house.
  • they recount sick days memories:
    • Ian watched Blues Clues (a show for preschoolers) when he was 14.
    • Ian is upset the contrivirus delayed Rap Noodles.
    • Pat shit his pants in 2nd grade by his teacher wouldn't let him use the bathroom.
  • Cancelling E3 will help the Amico, says Pat who totally isn't obsessed with it.
    • Says professional journalists won't get a chance to tear it apart.


Gamestop:
  • They read GameStop the riot act for trying to stay open.
    • Pat says we have digital marketplaces and don't need them. "Should've made their own Steam."
    • (Pat's an idiot, not everyone has Internet access, particularly the poor.)
      • Besides that, electronics stores like Best Buy were still open doing curbside pickup. They sell TVs and games.
      • Target (sells games), comic book shops, restaurants, and other stores were all doing the same as well via pick-ups.
      • I thought maybe California ordered all non-essential stores to close, but Best Buy San Diego still allowed pick-ups: http://archive.is/RrTnQ
      • Pat "Who needs electronic entertainment during a lockdown?" Contri
      • Singling out Gamestop makes no sense.
      • Stores should sell whatever is necessary (games, exercise equipment, books, lamps, whatever) as long as people don't congregate.
  • Ian shaved his beard.
  • Ian also thinks GameStop needs to deliver cleaning supplies itself rather than just authorizing purchases from a wholesaler/supply company.
  • Around this time, Ian also loses his shit:
    • In reaction to "we might reopen" by Trump, Ian says the President will be "dragged out of the White House and burned at the stake."
    • "The Evils of socialism," Ian says in a dumb voice.
      • "Socialism is bad unless it is a big business," says Ian mockingly.
      • Pat says we have to freeze all debts and give everyone a thousand dollars to make it through this virus.
      • "We need to freeze mortgages/debts and then restart to help the little people who make it work."
      • (Good plan, but not socialist enough. We should seize single family homes from single men and redistribute them to homeless people.)


viral streaming:
  • Pat decided to play games for once in his life and streamed it.
  • He expounded a bit on the contrivirus.
  • He also repeatedly makes fun of the Amico.
  • Pat says this will be over by early june.
    • Brother-in-law may have it.
    • Pat says we were 2-3 weeks late on stopping this because we elected a carney presdient who listens to his guts and not science.
      • Says Trump called the virus a hoax. (Trump didn't.)
      • (Pat was at Pax East at the end of February.)
        • He was a party to spreading the virus, but won't admit it.
  • Pat says China stopped the virus by welding people into their homes.
    • Pat straight up praises totalitarian measures to deal with a health crisis.
      • ("orange man bad, yellow man good")
        • This is the country that arrested doctors and jouranlists at the outbreak for warning the public.
        • They have since kicked out all foreign journalists.
        • There've been riots in Wunhan - good job, Pat.
    • (Boomer Pat trusts China to tell the truth.)
  • Also says Fox News is responsible for calling it a hoax until one or two weeks ago.
  • Pat says California acted well by locking everything down the earliest.
  • Pat says there will be no vaccine in time to save people, not for a year or two.
  • Pat says NYC is getting overwhelmed.
    • (The NYC subway and bus systems are to blame.)
      • Each has 5 million trips per day.
      • Cities that are car focused, like LA, are simply going to have less spread since since people aren't crammed together.
      • NYC is the most dependent on mass transit so of course they are hit hardest.
  • Pat does not like the $1200 payment because it's not tax free we're not freezing debt.
    • "We should try out UBI. Maybe it works."
      • "People could afford school supplies for the kids and eat decent meals."
    • "it's a half measure"
    • "It wouldn't kill inflation."
    • "Big corporations can go a year without making money, small businesses can't."
    • Pat's okay, but he has lost money from expos/conventions.
  • Frank's doing okay, self-isolating at home.
  • Pat says he followed crisis at end of january.
    • If he were President would have closed down at end of February, not "a week and a half ago". (Stream from April 3rd.)
    • (If Pat tracked the crisis, why did he go to cons? He was probably a carrier for it.)
    • ("End of February" my ass. It needed to be end of January.)
      • Not just a travel ban, but a mass transit shutdown, school closure, and limiting restaurant/store/building access. It only takes one infected on the subways to fuck NYC.
        • 1 person infects 2. The next day, those infect 2 more each and so on. On day 19, you'd have 1 million infected.
          • NYC is probably already at that, frankly.
          • NYC dead is about 13,000 right now. Assuming 2% mortality, that puts it at 650k infected.
        • It takes up to two weeks to show symptoms, so there could easily be a tidal wave of infections.
      • To top it off, the testing was inaccurate, so a false negative could get through.
      • It gets worse when you factor in that illegal aliens get packed into apartments. Six might share a one bedroom apartment.
      • And apartments are so small, people go out constantly for entertainment/food.
      • The only problem is that people would have screamed bloody murder when the primaries had to be rescheduled, especially after the impeachment.
      • The European countries shitlibs like Pat worship haven't accomplished a 100% no death run.
      • Japan and a few Asian nations were spared because their populations are germophobes that wear masks whenever they get sick or during pollen season.
        • The fact they also aren't a bunch of fats probably helps. The bowing helps as well.
        • But the second they open their borders, infection becomes a possibility.
      • Some other countries are in equatorial regions where either the sun/weather kills it or anti-malaria/other drugs affect it in some way.
  • Pat says a friend in NJ lost a relative in her 60s to COVID.
    • Says we're all going to know someone affected by this.
    • "We have to be there for each other."
    • (I wonder if Pat realizes that social distancing is to reduce the rate of infection, not prevent it entirely.)
      • It's there to prevent the medical system from being overwhelmed and killing even more people.
      • Many of these same people would still die.
  • Pat says Temple of Doom is the best/his favorite Indiana Jones movie.
  • Pat says Trump said wind turbines cause cancer.
    • (Pat thinks San Diego is in the Southern Hemisphere.)
      • He touched a tank once, said it was slippery and thinks that's the reason they resist damage.
      • He thinks upgrading RAM is the difference between a console and a computer.
      • He thinks "toxic masulinity" is real.

notable game shit from various episodes/streams:
SpoilerShow
  • Ninja calls out casual gaming, says it's okay to be angry after losing a game.
    • Pat takes issue with "how do you miss a kick". (Something Ninja said about football.)
    • Pat: "This is a someone not prepared for the amount of fame they have, and shouldn't have influence over younger people."
    • "It's not just a game." says Ninja.
    • "No one came to his full defense." says Ian.
    • Ian says he sounds like a guy who punches drywall when he's angry.
    • Pudgy Pat regales us with stories from his youth track and baseball career.
    • Pat says it may cause younger people thinks it's okay to yell or rage at someone.
    • "You play video games to relax or to have fun or be entertained." says Pat.
      • "Not everyone does it as a business," says Ian.
      • (Pat and Ian used the "everything is political" defense once when people were saying games were for fun/"keep your politics out my video games".)
    • Ian takes issue with someone who said Modern Warfare lobbies in 2010 were full of foul language.
    • Pat says LeBron James doesn't throw chairs after losing a game. Ian says he doesn't have a tantrum.
      • Pat says it's rare to see an athlete foam at the mouth.
    • (This is one of pat's dumbest segments.)
      • Athletes don't rage because they are physically exhausted.
      • Gamers can get riled up because they exert no physical energy while gaming.
      • Besides that, the professional sports have plenty of players involved in rape, wife-beating, gang activity, or murder.
      • I'd say about half or more all those "angry gamer" videos/memes are probably fake or exaggerated, just like Pat admitted to playing up aspects of the Punk character.
    • (Beyond that, Pat's comparing professional players vs amateur gamers.)
      • We'd need to compare the reactions of all amateur and high school athletes to properly count "angry reactions".
      • And the athletes are usually in a public place, not private home.
      • I would imagine more outbursts during practice, though.
      • People definitely shit-talked each other in gym class.
    • https://www.ccn.com/fortnite-legend-nin ... y-idiotic/
    • (Jesus, anytime these guys pick a fight with someone, they end up looking worse than their target.)
  • DOA hair coloring microtransations
    • Ian says they should just buy Honey Select. He also suggests Sexy Beach.
    • Pat mispronounces "eroge".
    • Pat doesn't understand why there's a market for softcore like Twitch streamers.
    • "Lonely men attached to fictional characters paying $500 to see them in other outfits," says Pat.
    • "We get attacked a lot by the DOA community," says Pat.
      • (Because you're hypocrites. Pat's played hentai games. Ian clearly knows what they are. They acted dumb/disgusted when discussing DOA before.)
        • They also defended mobile gaming, then complained when Mario Kart Tour's heavy use of in-app purchases.
        • I see plenty of negative reviews on the DOA Steam page. This mythical fanboy of theirs doesn't exist.
        • Boomer Pat also doesn't seem to know about SFM videos. Despite reporting on them once during a segment about Overwatch porn.
        • Consoomer Ian buys toys when he doesn't have health insurance.
  • Video game heist update.
    • $70k in games, $17k in silver, $10k in cash, and a handgun were stolen. (Surprised Pat didn't comment about the gun.)
    • Damon Jackson is the suspect. Out on $500k bail.
  • gamer beds
    • ian laughs that it's only a single.
      • Says that overweight gamers need larger beds. (Ian's wife Vonnie is fat.)
    • Pat has an Eastern King bed (76" x 80")
      • Surprised at size of Alaskan King bed (9 feet by 9 feet).
      • (Why does Pat have such a large bed when he's an unmarried manlet?)
    • Pat says "you're too far gone" if you can't get up to game in a different location.
    • (There are cheap rolling bed tables meant for infirm/crippled people that could be used instead.)
  • APA says video games don't cause violence.
    • "oversimplification of complex issues"
    • "no senator or presidents does that" says Pat.
      • (Pat and Ian believe "toxic masculinity" is a real thing.)
        • No, definitely not feminists and their lackeys simplifying complex social issues into a cheap talking point to gain political power.
        • Pat once said "classical liberal" is code for alt-right or nazi.
        • Ian once said food you buy doesn't have to taste good or else you're entitled.
        • They basically said PewDiePie was complicit in the Christchurch shooting. That's definitely not going overboard.
        • Pat & Ian say game devs should unionize, but use Uber/Lyft and print books in non-unionized China.
    • The APA did it because people in "the media and *policy makers*" (Pat added emphasis) were misconstruing a previous study/paper.
      • (Pat is salivating at the chance to talk politics.)
    • Pat has encountered older people who think he's from Mars for playing video games.
      • "People who rail against this have usually not played a game in their lives."
      • "Not to use the OK Boomer meme, but Boomers by and large don't play video games to the same extent as later generations."
      • "They are surprised you can make money playing video games."
      • (Pat is probably recounting his experience with geriatrics over Thanksgiving that he attended with his handyman.)
        • These are people who remember World War II.
        • I'm betting he's getting all this information from this one incident, just like he formed his entire opinion on Trump supporters from one over-enthusiastic woman.
        • Or that Pat's father didn't care about his Nintendo guidebooks.
      • (It doesn't matter, since Pat doesn't actually play video games.)
      • Says everyone 53 and up doesn't know anything about games. (Ian's dad plays Skyrim. Pat knows this.)
    • Pat realizes he's older than when his father gave him a Telstar Ranger (mid 30s).
      • People online say he should have a kid by now.
  • xbox series x specs
    • Pat warns his minimum wage fanbase not to go out and buy an 8k TV.
    • He says it's 8 times the resolution of 1080p.
      • (Pat's wrong again. 4k is 4 times 1080p. 8k is 4 times 4k. It's 16 times larger than 1080p.)
    • Pat says teraflops is useless metric since games have to use it. Compares it to "blast processing".
  • During his game streams, Pat again complained about streaming not paying the billth.
    • (Generally speaking, gamers play games in their free time.)
      • Even self-employed, he should only be working 8 hours per day on average, leaving him spare time to game.
      • Besides that, streaming games is a loss-leader. He's basically promoting himself and could broaden his horizons as a "game critic" or "consultant" for indie games.
      • Pat doesn't commute. Doesn't have a family. Doesn't even have a pet as far as I'm aware.
  • Pat says he doesn't play VR games because they are unpopular.
    • He also thinks VR games can't be streamed on Twitch.
    • He also says that you can't stream them on Twitch because it uses a headset.
  • Pat subscribes to YouTube TV.
  • They ad read for some cannibis products.

Unrelated: Atari Creep's (retrofag youtuber) mother got contrivirus. She's recovering, apparently.
  • They live near Boston, where Pat visited during Pax East.
  • And the east coast strain is said to have mutated from Italians.
  • Thus the Contrivirus was born.

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