DHI Book Club:"The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends" by Mike J

[Guest]

Excuse me? A what? A conker?

It's a horse chestnut.

[CuckTurdginson]

Brick by Brick book club.

[pibbs]

The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike J(eavons)
Chapter 6: Strange Names
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Simon follows them into the woods and sees the eerie glowing yellow light. Will it be aliens? Is the strange glow the unearthly illumination of UFO lights? Is it a magic portal opening into another world? Or as Ray from Ghostbusters put it, could it be past life experience intruding on present time?

No. It's a fucking campfire. Mike has never, NEVER been outside, has he? The boys stand around the fire and are soon joined by Claire. Simon doesn't know her. She identifies the boy Simon didn't know as, Hemlin.

Hemlin?

LOL! Never heard that name before. Whatever.

Simon definitely didn’t know anybody called Hemlin.

I know, right?

‘Yes, we’ve been waiting ages,’ said another boy who darted out from behind the fire.
...‘Hey, Lothgar,’ said Will. ‘Didn’t know you were hiding there.’

HAHAHAHA! LOTHGAR! HAHAHAHA! Oh, fuck me. I don't know, maybe they transported from somewhere else, but so far Mike's names for these kids have been quite milquetoast. (Simon, Will, Ryan, Claire, Becky ETC) You can't just spring a Hemlin and Lothgar on me all of a sudden, dude.

More kids show up. One fatty is named Thump. I first read that as Trump. Ok, so obviously at this point these “kids” aren't from the neighborhood. Mike's doing something here. Fine.

‘What time is it?’ asked Jonathon. ‘Almost twenty past three,’ said the girl known as Claire. ‘Nearly time.’

This better be good. Get in your last guesses guys. I'm thinking possession by gnomes or some shit.

‘How are you, Thump?’ said Claire.
‘I’m fine,’ said Thump. ‘But I think you should know there is a boy outside the circle watching us.’

Then they grab him, and boil him in a cauldron then eat him.
Just kidding, Simon ran away like a little girl. They give chase, but Simon gets home (the door is now wide open) and he scrambles up the stairs to his room.

‘Okay, so you didn’t stop searching’ said the thin, olive-skinned creature sitting on Simon’s bed. ‘So I guess we might as well let you in on our little secret.’

HERE WE GO!

Nah.

END OF CHAPTER 6

[pibbs]

The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike J(eavons)
Chapter 7: Gayer Things
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

weeeelllllll.jpg What is it?

On his bed, with its bony legs crossed, was a scrawny, leathery-skinned creature with a large head and round, glassy eyes. It had a mouth full of needle-sharp teeth upturned into a wry smile.

We get a non-answer. Gotta stretch that mystery out, right Mike?

‘Who- what are you?’ uttered Simon.
‘I’m a part of what you’ve been looking for,’ it replied.

Simon notices he left dirty footprints on the carpet.

‘Don’t worry about the mess,’ said the creature. ‘We’ll make sure it’s all clean for when your mother and father wake up.’ ‘We…?’ said Simon as a stumpy little creature waddled into his room. It had yellowish skin and a glum face which hung down like it had melted. It started scrubbing the floor with a damp cloth and was mumbling quietly to itself.

Miiikee....

‘I realise you probably have a lot of questions. People always do when they first see us and it’s natural to have them...

Dammit Mike, get to it already.

OK DHI. The betting is closed. Are you ready for the great reveal? What are these creatures? Time's up. Here it is!

‘My name is Kannon and I am your imaginary friend.’

FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU! YOU, YOU CAN GO TO HELL. BUT FUCK YOU!

I shouldn't be mad. It's in the damn title. Maybe I've been conditioned by modern pop media to expect some twist here, but he played it straight. Actually, bravo Mike. Bravo.
Still gay tho.

‘We’re not imaginary to you,’ said Kannon. ‘But we must be to everybody else. The most important thing you must know, and it is vital that you remember, is that the adults can never know about us.’
‘Why not?’ said Simon.
‘Because if they knew that we were real they would capture us and take us away.’ Kannon sneered and thumped his balled-up fist into the bedcovers.

How exactly? The other critter starts cleaning Simon's feet. Mike, this is a little weird.

Only members of the “Secret Circle” can know about them.

There are others, like you, who we have showed ourselves to.’

You know, you could substitute the word pedophile in there for a whole other kind of reading.

‘I understand that you’re secret, we can’t talk about you to anybody who doesn’t already know about you, but what I don’t understand is why.’
‘Why? Well, isn’t a childhood supposed to be fun? We just help with the fun, that’s all.’

Gay.

‘Where do you come from?’ Kannon smiled.
‘Your imagination, of course.’

Gay and stupid.

Simon isn't taking it well and gives a little shout. Mumsy comes a running.
Whachoo, doing, chile?
Nuttin' momma. Bad dreams is t'all.
Aight's then. Get cho' black ass back to bed.
Aight momma.

Simon has doubts.

‘Well, I know what will help you make up your mind,’ said Kannon.
‘What?’
‘Come with me and I’ll introduce you to the rest of the Secret Circle.’
Simon thought for a second. ‘Okay.’

END OF CHAPTER 7

[pibbs]

Ok, I'm done for now. I'll pick it up later. The book started out kind of bland with some intrigue, but the way the creature is talking, this has potential to be space-raptor stupid. But we'll see.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Plus it's still not too late for a shota orgy.

[Guest]

> Sup kid, I'm your imaginary friend
> I come from your imagination even though you've never imagined me even once
> At the same time I'm totally real and material

LOL. This starts giving me Barney vibes. Well, imagination definitely isn't Mike's strength.

[pibbs]

The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike J(eavons)
Chapter 8: The Crying Game
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Back to the woods. (read this and pretend this is a pedophile ring, it''l make for a more intersting read)

As they neared the fire Kannon craned his neck back. ‘You must remember,’ he growled. ‘What happens tonight must stay within the Circle. You cannot discuss anything that you see or hear with anybody else. Not an adult, nor anyone your own age. It would be devastating to us if our secret came out.’
Simon nodded. ‘What happens when we get there?’
‘There’s no routine,’ said Kannon. ‘We just talk and have fun. Whatever you want to do. Some of them like to tell stories and others play games.’
‘Do I have to do anything?’ said Simon.

See?

There were a dozen green-skinned creatures dotted through the clearing. There were tall ones, short ones, fat ones and skinny ones. Each of them had large heads with big, round eyes.
Along with the creatures were children, some who Simon recognised and others he didn’t. Simon could see Amie giggling beside a stocky creature who was flailing his arms in the air.

Uh huh.

‘This is Hemlin,’ said Jonathon with a nod toward the tall, gangly creature. ‘He’s my imaginary friend. He can do things with a football you wouldn’t believe!’

I bet. Hemlin does a soccer trick- he kicks the ball way up high and a few minutes later it lands perfectly in his outstretched hand.

‘I saw that, that was amazing!’ said a dark-skinned boy who hopped out from the woods. Simon recognised him from school.

Run! The niggers found us!

‘You should play for Chelsea!’ said Jake.
‘Manchester United, more like!’ said Jonathon.
‘Or Liverpool!’ said Ryan.

Spare me, Mike J, u fucking poser.
People are introduced, and the critters are performing tricks like circus monkeys.
Simon is inducted as the 10th member of the secret circle. He is shown how to prepare his butthole for grown men's genitalia.

The imaginary friends all had wide grins on their faces and were obviously thrilled to be impressing their audience. Simon was just taking in the sights of everything that was going on around him and hadn’t realised that Jake had sat on a tree stump beside him.

Jake is the negro that popped out of the woods. Simon sits next to him to share his misgivings about this secret circle of peculiar people.

‘It is amazing,’ said Simon. ‘But it all seems strange to me.’
Jake looked around to make sure nobody was close by. A crowd had gathered around Hemlin, who was demonstrating his football trick again.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, why are they here?’ said Simon. ‘Where did they come from?’
‘They’re here to entertain us!’ said Jake. ‘I don’t know where they came from. They say they’re our imaginary friends, so… they’re from our imaginations, I guess.’

What are those sex traffic victims called who become recruiters for the sex offenders?

‘Everything okay over here?’ said Kannon, suddenly appearing over Simon’s shoulder.
‘Fine, Kannon!’ said Jake. He shot to his feet and ran over to join Ryan and Will.
‘How about you, Simon?’ Kannon sat down on the stump and crossed his thin legs.

I swear this reads like a grooming manual for pedophiles! Did I miss any codes like Comet Pizza?

‘I know; it’s not that I don’t want to be here,’ said Simon. ‘I’m just trying to understand it.’
‘There’s nothing you need to understand. There aren’t any catches with the Secret Circle. You’re just here to have fun. Isn’t that what all imaginary friends are for?’
‘I’ve never had one before,’ said Simon. ‘But yeah, I suppose that’s why you would have an imaginary friend.’
Kannon nodded. ‘Absolutely. You can see us, you can hear us.’ He grabbed Simon’s wrist and tapped his hand against his bony arm. ‘And you can touch us. That’s all you need to understand.’

Dammit to hell, Mike J! Is this intentional? Did your wife not read this and have a few questions, before you sent to print?
I mean, it's not just me, right?

Simon shook his head. Hemlin was flicking the football between his gangly legs while the crowd watched in amazement.

Right?

We’re only here to have fun, so switch off your mind for a while and relax.’ Kannon winked and patted Simon on the back...

RIGHT?

Maybe Kannon was right. Simon was letting the detective within him do all the thinking. He could see how much fun the others were having and how carefree they all seemed around the imaginary friends, so he decided he would let himself go with the flow and try to enjoy it.

END OF CHAPTER 8

[pibbs]

The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike J(eavons)
Chapter 9: Middle School Blues
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Simon returns home. He puts salve on his now gaping rectum, and goes to bed. Next day he gets to school, having nodded off in the car, and sits next to his fellow victims.

‘Last night was so weird,’ said Simon.
‘Shh,’ said Jonathon.

‘I saw some of Hemlin’s tricks, they were –’
‘Shh!’ interrupted Jonathon, this time with a harsher tone.
‘What?’
‘Don’t you remember the rules?’
‘Yeah,’ said Simon. ‘But nobody can hear.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Jonathon. ‘You don’t know that.’

Jonathon growled. ‘Just don’t say anything. You’ll get kicked out if you do, so just do what they say.’

Later, Simon gets put in detention for sleeping in class. He chats with his fellow Secret Circlers.

‘How long have you been in the Secret Circle?’
Warren didn’t look away from the ground but he winced like something hurt.

But seriously, these creatures do seem to be a little sinister to me. Simon keeps trying to get a boy named Warren to talk about it.

Warren shrugged. ‘They’re magic. You don’t know what powers they have.’
‘They can do football tricks and make funny noises, they don’t have supersonic hearing,’ said Simon.
‘You don’t know what they can do,’ said Warren. ‘They’re imaginary. They can do whatever you imagine them to do.’

He goes home and falls asleep playing FIFA with his dad.
That's it.
END OF CHAPTER 9

I'm going to start doubling up on these chapters, seeing that they're so short, and so little happens.

[Cuckara]

Brick by Brick book club.

This. Also, Angel Armor book club. At some point, someone on here has gotta slog through cock slut's terrible books.