Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Tue Jul 28, 2020 11:08 pm

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 10: The Weight Escape
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

We start chapter ten off with a little racism.
“Tell me where you heard this again?” demanded Finch, sitting Cora down on a metal chair.
“I heard it in the hallway just before you showed up,” Cora improvised.
“From whom?”
“These, uh … guys with accents.” She could not stop herself from wincing at her own bad lie.
“What kind of accents?” asked Finch.
“This is Silicon Valley,” he said. “You just described half the workforce.”
Shame, shame, Lindsay. That's very unwoke of you. Report to your nearest reeducation center.

Anyway, there are no real consequences for faking a bomb threat because...
“So at present, you are the third person to walk in today, looking all dazed and confused and disoriented, with the apparent intention of breaking into our private servers to steal encrypted information about where the government is hiding aliens.”
She's interrogated by a security guard, and we learn, she was knocked out for two whole days. She begs them not to call the police, and he leaves her in the room by herself. No mention if the security guard is put off by the spoiled milk smell of an unwashed, obese, Cora. She discovers she still has her batphone – worst security ever – but the battery is dead. She attempts to escape through the ceiling tiles when...
Then, from nowhere and everywhere, a flash of light.
It felt like it originated from inside her own eyeballs, like her retinas had caught fire.
The power is out! Cora decides to get the hell out of Dodge. No one is more surprised than me than me that 1.) She didn't repeat the entire book to security just now, 2.) we're not spending at least half the chapter exploring in detail the thoughts and fee-fees of our hero.
Instead up through the ceiling, and over to an empty conference room, (probably the one peeRod shot his anniversary.) It's insulting how stupid Lindsay thinks Google's security would be. But writing is hard, and thinking up original plot points is harder.
Unmolested she's down the stairs, out the door, across the parking lot (this chick sure is spry for a fatty that hasn't eaten in two days) and into a parking garage.
Cars have stopped working BTW. Big coincidence in 3, 2, 1...
Then, she spotted it on the other end of the garage. That awful, ugly white van that had driven them to San José, the only van she’d ever seen with a patch of rust on the side that looked like a fish.
The murdervan.
Then a dumb sentence...
When she reached it, prepared to break into the van in unorthodox ways...
Unorthodox ways? Like through the tailpipe? Breaking a window isn't unorthodox FOR SOMEONE BREAKING INTO A CAR!!! You should look up words that you don't fully understand, sweety.

The door is already unlocked.
The creature was crumpled on the floor of the van.
End Chapter

We are now 25% through the book.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Wed Jul 29, 2020 8:24 pm

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 11: E.T. The Extra Extra Terrestrial
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

First sentence and I'm already laughing at her buffoonish writing.
She’d catapulted herself against another parked car...
LOL Catapulted? Lindsay, I'm going to need you to calm the fuck down.

Anyway ET looks lifeless, as Cora gets herself under control after some mindless screaming, and gets a closer look.
The color of its skin seemed even more a thing not found in nature, at least not on Earth, but now she could really get a look at its texture. More than anything, it reminded her of canvas or perhaps some kind of polymer. From what she could tell, this was not a being of flesh and blood but something else, perhaps some kind of machine.
She can't tell the difference between canvas and polymers? One is a cloth, the other is plastic, you ignorant fool. Is all that booze killing your brain cells?

Then another dumb sentence.
...the calculating part of her brain started to kick into motion. What to do with an unconscious, and possibly dead, alien?
If only Lindsay had used some part of her brain to write this.

More ET anatomy.
Like the skin, there was something manufactured about the structure of its feet, like an engineer had reinterpreted something nature had done wrong the first time. If there were an Earth comparison to its feet, it would probably be eagle talons, but the talons had been reimagined by Steve Jobs and filed to sleek, willowy nubs.
Willowy nubs?
willowy- tall, slim, and lithe
nub- a small lump or protuberance
Gentlemen, I'm only on the second page.

So, she gets in the van. Keep in mind an EMP event of some sort has knocked out all traffic, and even in this chapter it's mentioned again. So...
But the engine turned on the first try.
Of course it does.

She heads east, with a stupid plan.
She had a good friend from the internet who lived in Salt Lake City.
If I ever find myself with Spoony's corpse in the back of a stolen van, I'm coming to one of your fucker's house!
five dollars on a cheeseburger and milkshake from an In-N-Out
Bullshit! Well... I don't have an In-N-Out here. Is food really that cheap there? I guess I shouldn't doubt someone like Lindsay when it comes to food.

Now a couple of pages of this kind of shit.
There was the possibility she could use the alien corpse as blackmail to force whoever had taken her family to release them from whatever form of indefinite detention they were in, but somehow, she felt that was more likely to backfire. It wasn’t exactly leverage—what would stop the feds from just taking the corpse and locking her away forever?
Scenery descriptions, gas mileage worries, camping with family memories, thinking of totally not daddy issues daddy issues ETC. All the while she keeps eyeballing the thing wondering if its really dead, or only mostly dead.
She turns off at “Donner Lake” to dump the body that she finally decided was a liability, while pondering the origin of “Donner.” Lindsay keeps describing how the ET keeps shifting during the trip. Gee? Is that important? Way to telegraph what's already an obvious trope.

Someone already pointed this out, but here is another wonderful Lindsian descriptive.
“You must be dead,” she muttered, kneeling next to the creature. She sat down, shaking her head. “What do I do now, buddy? You were the one who got me into this.”
The corpse stayed corpselike.
She reached out for the side of its neck, a rough approximation of where one would check for a pulse in a human. Before she could touch it, the waxy gray seal over the eyes tore open. She jerked her hand away as the creature bleated something, some screeching, clicking alien language like dozens of forks scraping and stabbing old frying pans.
But you know, in a corpselike way. Don't forget, this thing has no mouth, so it could just be farting.

So our brave hero, once again tears out of the van, and goes screaming off into the night. She screams her way right into two state troopers.
“Evening,” brayed one of them, the older of the two. He was a mustachioed, walrusine guy in his forties with a tag that read “Tallman.”
Why didn't Lindsay just make this a straight up parody? It almost already is through her incompetence. Maybe that's why the editor left all this dumb writing in, because she thought it was supposed to be comedy. Lindsay has written the novel equivalent of “The Room”.
In case you were wondering, the other trooper is disappointingly not called Shorty but Sandoval.
Then Lindsay finally writes about something she knows well, being arrested.
Tallman took her by the arm and guided her toward the blinding lights of his state trooper SUV. His radio scratched static as he called for backup.
“No,” said Cora, coming to her senses.
Tallman rounded on her, and she heard a clinking sound and felt a metal bracelet close around one wrist behind her, then the other. “You have the right to remain silent—”

So Not Shorty Trooper peeks in the van, and ET stuff happens.
For an instant, the two police officers were frozen, then they were spasmodic, like thousands of volts of electricity were coursing through their bodies, and their guns flew into the darkness of the woods as though to escape the scene. The creature stepped out of the back of the van, steadied itself, and turned its attention on the state troopers.
The ET injects the troopers with something. It releases the handcuffs, and orders her to get in the van and drive. They drive past Reno.

End of Chapter.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Wed Jul 29, 2020 11:39 pm

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 12: Dances with Fools
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

I now see that every chapter is going to start with a winner of a sentence.
Cora flinched away from the sunlight as she woke.
We're in-
Nevada... a Paiute reservation called Pyramid Lake
No van. No alien. Cora is dusty though. Lindsay likes her women dirty. But she's not alone as she discovers the alien, perched on a rock like a vulture, who then orders her to consume.

ET brought snacks!
Cora slowly lowered herself into a crouch next to the bag and reached out to examine its contents. In it she saw a sixteen-ounce bottle of canola oil, a box of brownie mix, a jar of black olives, a jar of Cheez Whiz, a jar of pimentos, and a can of corn.
But he's a retard.

And so is this author.
She looked back at the creature, incredulous. It must have grabbed the bag from someone’s car or house after she’d blacked out. Reached in through someone’s kitchen window and snatched it as though any bag of groceries was interchangeable with any other bag of groceries. Grabbed a bag of groceries, determined that the number of calories inside the bag of groceries was commensurate with what a grown human would consume within its predetermined time period, and decided, “Good enough.” Then tossed it at her as if it were dumping seeds in a hamster cage.
Ugh. This narrative.
She tried not to flinch away from its gaze
Flinch - word of the day kids.

She looks into its eyes and as Lindsay puts it, instead of one retina it has millions. SO ET opens a can of corn for her, after she whines she can't consume said can.
She tilted the can awkwardly, braced herself, and downed what little of the hideous corn water she could get into her mouth. When she’d managed as much of that as she could, she started the process of shoveling corn out of the aluminum can and into her face.
Basically, what we have here is the "Dances with Wolves meets the Injuns", or "Avatar becomes woke for the blue cat people" scene. An exchange of ideas, and culture are taught and learned, but done in a retarded manner.

Lindsay hates black olives.
Black olives. The answer to the eternal quandary of what if one were to combine snails and old tires into a foodstuff. The only way the creature could have punished her more brutally was if it had forced celery on her.
But she shovels that in too.

She asks where they are and we get some description of the ET.
Once it settled, its posture reminded her more of a deer than a dragon, its arms folded neatly under its midsection, its head raised high and its long, slender neck curved into a slight S. “Nevada.”
At this point, can any of you envision what this damn thing is supposed to look like?

The creature asks what we've all been asking.
“Where were you taking me?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t have a plan. I was just trying to get as far away from there as possible. You were in the van. I needed the van to get away.”
And that is Lindsay's writing process right there. Then Cora starts yammering at the thing exactly like the prose we've endured inside her head, AND RECOUNTS WHAT HAS HAPPENED A FEW CHAPTERS BACK. If this thing is smart it just learned women never shut up, and perhaps he should go find a dude that will actually get something done.

It reveals that he didn't do the EMP but similars. This is tiresome. It doesn't know about brownie mix, but knows what Nevada is. It speaks like a old west Indian sometimes, and other times has a more sophisticated vocabulary. I guess whatever is needed at the time, right, author?
Cora asks for clarification on similars,.
“High-ranking military caste. Similars. One higher-ranking Similar, and their subordinates, code-named by your Central Intelligence Agency as entity or entities known as Obelus. Military caste. Homoioi.”
See what I mean? Fuck you, Lindsay.

The retardation continues. They decide to name him Ampersand.
She wondered if she should bring up the gender question, but given the way the reflection in the creature’s eyes was shifting, it seemed to be having a difficult enough time with nomenclature

I'm going to need a small break after this chapter.

He explains the EMP, if any of you were curious.
“An energy pulse,” he said. “What occurred was a specialized frequency, targeted for amygdaline bodies, cast for a large area, where the precise location of the target is not known. A side effect is disabling some human-made devices with active electric currents.”
I know the question everyone is asking (sarcasm) but please don't ask.
Ok. Why is it here?
The creature’s stillness broke, and he cocked his head ever so slightly to the side like a dog. “An individual amygdaline, a former technocrat Oligarch of the Superorganism your Central Intelligence Agency has code-named ‘Pequod.’ I was summoned by one person of the Fremda group in custody at ROSA, code-named ‘Čefo.’”
To make long stupid matters short, he's here to try to rescue his buddies that her Aunty (COINCIDENCE) had held and were trying to communicate with. And before the others, sorry the SIMILARS, fuck me, extradite them. Extradite? Extradite!
He paused as though rethinking his translation. “Extradite.”
While she knew it probably wasn’t a one-to-one translation, “extradite” was such a specific term in English and generally only referred to criminality. “What have you done?” she whispered, fear creeping back into her voice.
Okay, guys. This thing is trying to explain the different caste system races. Do I need to copy paste all that shit? Ambersand, who from now on I'm denoting as &, is a step above the low caste idiots (the "crude ones") that are captured in a room in a guv'ment building somewhere. & is a Fremda "Crude ones" are Pequod. Then there's the other things from above. I think. Fuck it, I don't really care.
“You … call yourself an ‘amygdaline’?”
“This is the term utilized by ROSA for individuals of species ‘Pequod.’” His speech software awkwardly spelled it R-O-S-A rather than pronouncing it like a word as Luciana always had.
“Okay,” she breathed. “What is ‘Fremda,’ then?”
“Čefo’s group sought asylum on this planet and was bred into a subrace of our species. The term Luciana Ortega uses for our refugee group is Fremda. This ‘Fremdan’ subrace of civilization ‘Pequod’ was the target of extermination due to the possession of undesirable traits.”
Got that? Or and there's some shit about being a survivor of genocide, because in a Lindsay Ellis novel of course it is.
And not even Cora can keep up with this horseshit.
“Why here?” she asked. “Why Earth?”
“I do not know,” said Ampersand. “I surmise that Earth was chosen because it was known to the Superorganism, and therefore to Čefo’s group, as having an oxygen-rich, stable climate—”
She blinked. “Superorganism?”
“—and had likely not been colonized or consumed by transients.”
If there was any blood left in her face, it was now gone. “‘Transients’?”
“How many exoterran species are there?”
World building, folks!
So, how many of these fucking things are there?
“Three distinct known spacefaring civilizations,” said Ampersand. “Two post-natural, one post-biological.”
So, apparently the last time the, *sigh, superorganism, spot checked Earth, it was 655 years ago. They are befuddled about the population explosion and the rapid technological- look does this shit even matter?

So, & caught Cora eating a burger and wants his people to reconsider moving to Erf.
She couldn’t help but laugh, and she shook her head. “You’re afraid of us.”
“Would you consider a fear of billions of flesh-eating aliens illogical?”
Immigration commentary?
“I am alone on an alien planet. I have neither resources nor means to communicate with those who summoned me here. I am being hunted by militarists from the Superorganism, and I have no allies. And the dominant species on the planet is billions of aggressive, violent flesh-eaters.”
Then fuck off back behind the wall, asshole.
It was around this point she registered that what was happening was an actual conversation. An exchange of information, if not between peers, then at least under that pretense.
Then Chief Duck in Pants smokem peace pipe.
Now he was answering her questions, as if he saw a possibility that she might have something valuable to contribute.
As if he saw her as a potential ally instead of a tool
So they team up.
This made me laugh, but not for the intent Lindsay had.
“Well,” she said, “as a young white female of the species, I’m less likely to be looked at with suspicion by others, especially men. I’m, um, more nonthreatening for what I am, for my place in the social hierarchy. For instance, I’m of the demographic that is most likely to shoplift but least likely to get caught for it. Does that make sense?”
Dumb sentence.
More silence. Tense silence. His focus was growing and contracting slowly like a fist slowly contracting and expanding.
& accepts their alliance.
End Chapter

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Thu Jul 30, 2020 4:17 am

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 13: The Day the Erf Stood Still- Trying to read this book.
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

“We require a method of conveyance,” he responded.
“A car?”
Now he talks like Data.
“I am open to suggestions that would not seem so obvious to our pursuers.”
Aside from horses or cows, Cora was at a loss. “I don’t see what option we’d have out here besides cars.”
NYT best-selling author.

A page of Cora's rambling thoughts later.
Cora decided it was permissible to make some small talk.
“So … you said you’re not ‘post-biological’?” she asked.
If I had a physical copy of this book, this is where I would throw it across the room.

No, & is an engineered cyborg of some kind. It takes Lindsay another couple of pages to explain this.
“So, you’re mostly…” She didn’t know what word felt right. She figured “cyborg” was the most accurate term, but that didn’t quite sit right with her. Accurate though it might be, it felt too … fictive.
“Engineered biosynthetic.”
Afraid of using offensive language against your made up critter? This generation, I swear. “Cyborg” is fictive? Dude can't say car, do you really think “cyborg” is even in his vocabulary? These are YOUR rules, Lindsay. You can make this make sense if you want. Fuck.

Cora worries about asking & too many questions.
Again, someone draw this thing, if you can...
In profile, his head reminded her of the heads of the oil well pumps that dotted the near entirety of the greater Los Angeles metro area. The crest on the back of his head was less triceratops and more like half a dozen thick, silvery banana leaves that curled downward like a rosebud when at rest but perked up like the petals of a sunflower when he was alert or excited (which was, at present, always).
Gross. I know what everyone one of you is thinking.

She spends a page describing &'s eyes, and wondering about his psychic powers. & reveals the other &s want to apprehend him because he's so smart. He wrote an algorithm that can translate any language. Centuries ago, I might add. So, he can translate all human languages, but doesn't know what the word “car' is? & tries to explain his age is relative because of near-light travel, and Lindsay avoids researching it by making her character too dumb to understand.
She didn’t want to admit that she didn’t know what the theory of special relativity actually explained, except for something broadly related to space-time and whatever E=MC2 meant.
Feminist of the year.

She missed that stuff because...
Ugh, but she hadn’t really been paying attention. She had been going through a breakup with her girlfriend...
Her virtue points are over 9,000!

Anyway, & is over 600 years old.
Figuring her best bet to staying on his good side was to be subservient, she kept at a respectable distance with her eyes to the ground, and asked, “What would you like me to do?”
Lindsay is a feminist, right?

Cora uses her feminine wiles to stop a truck.
& injects him, and off they go.

The chapter ends with an MSNBC interview with Cora's daddy. He's yammering about government control and media bias. On MSNBC.

End Chapter.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Thu Jul 30, 2020 5:26 am

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 14: & and Me
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

We start with this short sentence.
Cora settled on the encouragingly named Luck Buddy Motel as the place to dump Ampersand, not because it seemed an especially advantageous place to hide—it was hardly two hours’ drive from the scene of the crime(s)—but because it took cash and because she needed to get rid of the truck.
Uh, “crime(s)”? I've never seen that “singular/plural with 's' in parenthesis” used in a novel before. Am I the only one finding that weird?

Anyway, back to Sarah Connor and Reece at the hotel- she goes to pay for the room and dude isn't paying her any attention because he's watching her daddy's interview on MSNBC. 'Nam flashbacks for Cora and her not daddy issues.

The receptionist...
He looked like the type who probably had a doomsday bunker buried in the hill behind the motel.
Has Lindsay described any men in this novel in a positive light? She even called her own kid brother a pervert. Anyway he says...
“You know Area 51 is down the road, few hours south from here. That’s where they’re keeping ’em.” He pointed out the window behind her.
Huh. I guess it is.
She ran back to the truck just as the parking lot lights flickered on for the evening, hesitating at the tarpaulin as though looking beneath it might have the same face-melting effect as opening the Ark of the Covenant. She lifted the tarp, carefully, as if it were wet paper that might rip, halfexpecting him not to be there. But there he was, coiled like a giant rattlesnake, the crest on the back of his head lying flat like an angry cat.
AGAIN, I cannot get my head around what this thing is supposed to look like. I'm just going to picture a big white, wingless, tailess dragon with no mouth.
Cora wants to ditch the stolen truck. & is all like nigga please, we need conveyance. They argue for a page two pages.
Fine. He'll wait in the room. But how to get him in there without drawing suspicion. How about Predator cloaking? Yup. That'll do.
Cora dumps the truck, and hitchhikes back. She finds & curled up on one of the beds like a cat. They discuss the plan. & wants to Naruto rush a guv'ment building, Cora says no. He agrees that he's too retarded.
“I have not had adequate time to gather sufficient intelligence on either American culture, human behavior, or government securities to safely accomplish such an operation.”
So what to do? Let's meet up with Aunty. So, Aunty immediately leaves her cabin that's not so near San Jose but more closer to Santa Cruz, and drives off to near area 51 for a meet at a diner. But fatty can't wait.
Cora drained her last couple of dollars on candy bars from a nearby vending machine.
And this stupid thing happens.
She felt disgusting, aching for a shower but ill at ease with the idea of getting naked with an alien in the next room. She compromised by showering with her underwear still on.
Cue the “Crying Game” song.
She sat in the old, grimy bathtub with her knees huddled to herself, one eye always to the door while hot water washed over her.
Then naps.
She gasped herself awake sometime later, coated with a sheet of slimy sweat.
Good god, Lindsay! The fuck?

Time for pillow talk.
“Oh.” She rolled onto her back. “So you’ve been to Earth before.”
“Not I,” said Ampersand. “Others.”
“Centuries ago.”
“Oh,” she said, the implications of that sinking in slowly. “Others?”
“Similars. Explorers.”
“Had you ever left your … Superorganism before the genetic purge?”
She took a breath, and it trembled. “So Similars … brought humans back to your Superorganism. Centuries ago.”
Medieval abductees. No info about butt probes. But Cora doesn't want to judge.
How hypocritical, she could imagine him saying. Even if we did something bad to a group of human specimens, it’s a drop in the ocean compared to the horrors humans have wrought on each other.
And he wouldn’t be wrong.
She gets a text that Aunty has arrived. Time to eat!
Chapter End.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Thu Jul 30, 2020 8:26 pm

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 15: The Breakfast Schlub
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Alrighty! Aunty Luciana drives hundreds of miles to meet her niece in a bumpkin diner somewhere just north of area 51, because of course it is. Cora demands context!
“Yes, well,” Cora said, leveling herself, “I was pretty freaked out over an incident in my house when last we spoke. I asked you to give me some context, and you didn’t. So I ask you again to please give me context.”
“What does context have to do with how you ended up in Nevada?”
The air stilled, and it seemed like the diner had gone silent.
It seemed? You're the author, you don't know?
“You have to tell me everything before I tell you anything,” said Cora. “I’m not some random citizen. I’ve been exposed to your Pequod, and now I’m a fugitive because of it.” At mention of the word “Pequod,” Luciana’s lips grew thin. “You can’t keep secrets from me anymore.”
Flo takes their order.
“I want every pancake in the great state of Nevada,” said Cora to the waitress. “And coffee. Please.”
That's not hyperbole. Bitch need food.
Cora gorges on pancakes (I'm assuming Aunty is paying) as Aunty admits they found “their” landing spot in Guam in 1971. They were cowering inside their ship until someone from the nearby base found them. They believe they surrendered intentionally. Guv'ment forms a MIB thing, aliens whisked away, blah blah blah. We've seen this a hundred times. They call themselves —the Refugee Organizational and Settlement Agency. ROSA.
She held up spirit fingers. Ta-da!
The fuck are spirit fingers? Anyway, for 40 years the retard aliens can't or won't communicate with hooomans.

So, we have retreaded in quite some time so...
This shit again.
“Just different terms referring to different things,” said Luciana. “DHHS called the group ‘Fremda’ because ROSA uses Esperanto code words. ‘Pequod’ is a CIA code word. So are ‘Ampersand,’ ‘Obelus,’ and so on...
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Originally there were 44, but 13 have assumed room temperature. Since, someone asked about their eating habits, here is a non-answer.
”They feed themselves,” said Luciana. “They seem to have a … store.”
Cora the Lesbian does her gender proud.
Cora, dumping some off-brand Aunt Jemima onto her pancakes. She’d barely put the syrup down before she started tearing into the pancakes, hardly bothering to chew.
Why are we rooting for this pig again?
She swallowed her unnecessarily large bite of pancake.
This chick puts Homer to shame.
Aunty explains that earlier that year, two of the leaders start fighting like cats in heat.
Cora downed another, less huge bite of pancake. “In … alien language?”
“Noises, out loud. Language, we presume. We’d never heard their language before. They don’t have mouths, per se, but we knew they had some means of vocalization apparatus.”
They simmer down after ninety seconds.
“So we did. But then ?efo looked right at me and continued making that noise. He was speaking to me.
“Bear in mind, none of them had ever even acknowledged a human presence before, let alone … this! And all I could think was … if this being was a real intelligence, not a drone, and he’d been cooped up in this facility for forty years, he’d finally lost his mind! Because he knew I didn’t understand him.”
Having also been on the wrong end of a screaming amygdaline, Cora empathized.”
They figure he wanted to leave. So, they remove Cefo from the others and throw English books, movies, immersive language courses at him. Should have tried Sesame Street.
Cefo learns a few nouns and basic math, but can't understand how we use symbols. But he was very eager to use pencils. Suddenly, Cora's daddy appears on TV demanding a congressional hearing.
“He’s pushing real hard for a hearing. And his approval ratings are higher than anyone in Congress, so congressional liberals are pushing for it, too, especially for Bush to testify about whether he knows anything.”
Surprised Lindsay didn't write, “but the frothing Republicans are impeding human progress with their tiresome screeching as drool mixed with the blood of the poor slobbers from their flapping jowls.”

Cora gulped down the last bit of pancake, already starting to ache from having very rapidly eaten the whole plate. The whole plate.
And we end with...
“I need to check on something first,” said Cora, getting up. “Come with me. Let me make sure everything’s okay. Then quid pro quo.”
Chapter End

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Fri Jul 31, 2020 12:23 am

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 16: Lost in Transcription
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Cora returns to her motel room and panics because she is really stupid and forgot & is an invisibility cloak. Though if it had gone, why would she be panicked? Good riddance, right? Whatever.
But behold, there he is!
...wedged between the two beds like an angry cat that had backed itself into a corner.
These metaphors, man. & and Aunty meet.
Ampersand finally got off the floor. “Bring her in.”
“Okay,” said Cora, shooting up off the ground, a new enthusiasm fueled by pancakes.
Would you forget about the fucking pancakes, lard ass? And I'm talking to you, Lindsay.

Cora acts as interpreter because she has the, as Lindsay describes it, “MacIntosh voice” implanted in her head. Which by the way, Lindsay has reminded us of this thing about eight times so far. Another instance of either lack of confidence in her writing, or she thinks her audience is stupid and can't remember.
Luciana stayed in her position of shock even after Cora seated her, as if turned to stone by a gorgon. Ampersand had backed himself up on the opposite bed next to the wall, standing on it in a crouch with his back almost parallel to the floor, his hands up and open like bear traps, hovering on his haunches like he was about to pounce. Not a good look for deescalating tension.
Like the raptor before attacking the T-rex in the visitor center in Jurassic Park? Why is Aunty Lucianna in shock? She worked with these damn things for years.

More terrible writing.
“Ampersand, this is my aunt Luciana.”
“I know her name.”
“I know, but this is called an introduction. It’s a thing we do. The mediating party provides an introduction. Luciana, this is … the Ampersand Event.” She gestured at him weakly. “But I’ve just been calling him ‘Ampersand.’”
“He speaks to me through a device he put in my ear,” Cora explained.
Ninth time, in case you forgot, a couple of paragraphs before.
“They can learn our language,” said Luciana, her eyes still fixed on Ampersand. “They could the whole time.”
“No, they couldn’t,” said Cora. “He says that he was the only one that had some kind of algorithm that could decode human languages.”
Uh huh. Sure.
“Why do you not ask my question directly?”
“It’s called diplomacy,” she whispered. “Things need context.”
Dammit, Lindsay, find another word. People don't use “context” in the context you keep using them. Not everyone is a Hugo nominated YouTube essayist, you know.
And I think his conception of what human civilization is like is somewhat … outdated?”
“How outdated?”
“Ballpark … a thousand years or so.”
The tension in Luciana’s posture began to loosen. “So in that case, it’s fair to wonder why a bunch of religious zealots didn’t immediately declare a group of extraterrestrials demons and stone them to death.”
Gentlemen, prepare to dip your fedoras...
“Well,” said Luciana, her voice still a bit shaky. “Human civilization has changed. Our government is, in theory anyway, secular. We also strive to be both compassionate and curious.
We ain't them mean ole religious, ignorant barbarians. BTW, Ampersand, are you LGBTQ, non-binary, transgender friendly? If not, we'll have to nuke your home planet.

Moving on rehash, rehash, rehash. Bottom line is & wants Aunty to take himself and Cora to the retard aliens being held in the guv'ment building.
I'm just going to skip over terribly written shit like this.
“This Fremda group is also in possession of a Genome that carries Fremdan genetic information. The Obelus Similars will not leave this planet without retrieving it.” Cora repeated him.
“What’s a Genome?” asked Luciana.
“Genetic information.”
Cora repeated him and shrugged. “It’s a Genome.”
“Jesus Christ.” Luciana faced the floor...
The fuck? She didn't actually repeat him, she repeated Aunty's question back to her as declarative sentence.
Question: What's bread?
Answer: It's bread.
This exchange makes no sense. Anyway, Lindsay doesn't have a strong enough grasp on science to make the rest of this interesting. She uses what she learned from sci fi movies and throws her own concoction of techno-sciency-babble in there.

But after 2-3 pages of discussion, here's the plan.
They're going to turn themselves in.

Oh, and & wants to autopsy Cefo the retard alien that broke rank and tried to communicate with the hooomans. But why? Who was Cefo?
Ampersand hesitated. “A technocrat Oligarch.”
Cora paused before repeating this, unsure if “Oligarch” was really the term he wanted to stick with.
Noooo, we wouldn't wanna sound too classist would we?
“Who do we reach out to?”
Luciana sighed and looked apologetically at Cora. “Better call Sol.”
Sol? The Man In Flannel agent from chapter 3? Did... did Lindsay name him Sol just so she could later make a Breaking Bad reference? Oh, fuck this stupid book!
They call Sol, and decide they will all meet up in Santa Barbara.
The chapter ends with a fictional news article from Cora's daddeh. It's 2 pages of not-interesting-in-the-least shit like this:
...bound to cause mass existential crises, and what better way to exemplify mass existential crises in our neoliberal capitalist dystopia than a series of bank runs?
...Of course, we will never know how, or when, such a crisis would have unfolded without these precipitating factors causing massive societal upheaval, but rest assured, this was inevitable. JPMorgan Chase may have been the first big bank to fall...
...I’ve seen many point to me as the individual responsible for their retirement savings disappearing overnight, for their stocks dropping double-digit percentages, for the fact that if they don’t already owe more on their houses than they’re worth...
For the powerful people who caused all this pain and anguish to really, truly be held to account?
Where’s the revolution?
Fuck you.
End of Chapter.

To Lindsay and her mob, book discussion is in the NCunt: Black Cocks Only thread, where you may REEEEE without censorship. A freedom of differing opinion that we grant and that you wouldn't.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Fri Jul 31, 2020 3:49 am

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 17: Men In Blech
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

They drive down to Santa Barbara, stopping at a Wal-mart.
at long last the opportunity came for Cora to replace the tiered chiffon maxi dress with jeans and a My Chemical Romance T-shirt on clearance. Which, okay. Fine. At least it wasn’t Nickelback.
She's got jokes, ladies and gentlemen. Old ones, but jokes.

And they drive. Cora contemplates a lot of stuff, but not any of it is relevant or interesting. This goes on for 2-3 pages. I'm tempted to post these pages, but unlike the INs, I will actually respect the spirit of fair use.

Small sample.
Now that it was no longer a life-or-death situation and she was getting some distance from it, it was hard not to be excited about it. She didn’t know what to expect upon reaching the base at Vandenberg, but she couldn’t help but spend the drive mulling on arguments that would allow her to stay on as Ampersand’s interpreter. She tried to rationalize this as a selfless act, that as long as she was not in danger of government memory modification, Demi, Olive, and Felix would not be, either. But deep down...
And on, and on, and on with this shit. Lindsay is trying hard to make her run-of-the-mill sci fi YA into fucking Hemingway or something. None of this is poignant, it's just fluff.

Finally they get to Vandenberg.
Having expected them, security told Luciana to leave her car at the gate, patted the two of them down, and scanned them with metal detectors. Then they were loaded into the back of a jeep, transported to another sand block of a building, and an even more serious set of people patted them down yet again. Ampersand had yet to make his presence known
Enter Special Agent Sol Kaplan, Man in Flannel. Cora tells him she's the voice of &, because that's what he wanted.
“He?” His expression finally drifted to Cora, then back to Luciana. “Familia Ortega. You’re like the Kennedys with aliens.”
Dialog is so hard to write.
Cora tapped her ear. “He uses computer software through a little speaker he implanted in my ear.”
“Implanted?” Kaplan’s expression grew more incredulous. “Computer software? Like man-made?”
10th time mentioned.

Oh! At long last, we get some insight as to why Lindsay rehashes things ad nauseam.
Saying “It’s a long story” felt like a bad idea, because then she would eventually be expected to tell the long story.
No, no you aren't.
Ampersand’s forced tracker implantation...
11th time mentioned.
“I’m really still stuck on ‘him,’” said Kaplan.
“What, gendered pronouns?”
“Yes, gendered pronouns.”
I thought this was a bad thing these days. Lindsay turn in your woke badge.
“Yes, and that’s always been weird to me,” said Kaplan.
“I can use ‘zhe’ if you want.”
“How about ‘xe’ if you’re going to be a smart-ass about it.”
Oh. Here's your badge back.

& won't show because of men with guns. So, Agent Flannel, Aunty, and Cora go outside. & appears.

That's the Chapter. No joke. That's all that happens.

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Fri Jul 31, 2020 5:02 am

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Chapter 18: Nothing to See Here
DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Um, two pages in, and not much has happened. Just more Lindsian over-written prose. She does use “total shit show” twice on one page. They get lead down to where they keep the retard aliens.
...this pitiful refugee group, confused and holed up in a basement, so strange, so foreign in contrast with the drab 1960s military chic of the base.
Uh huh.
Most were perhaps a little taller than she was, despite that forward-leaning posture that was more velociraptor than human.
She must have watched Jurassic Park after half a bottle of vodka and thought, if I remove the tails and mouths, and make them white, those would be cool looking aliens!
All of them had smaller eyes and hands than Ampersand in proportion to the rest of their bodies...
Yes, Lindsay. That's how size differences within species works.
In addition to flanking Esperas, they also appeared to be guarding something on the floor behind them, a big lumpy thing the same color as their skin, roughly the size and shape of a beanbag chair.
A big pile of alien shit? An egg? Probably an egg. They laid a queen right? That's so stupid it has to be it.
Cora hadn’t heard the language before. Amygdalines had two openings on either side of their necks about the size of a deflated balloon that allowed air in and out, and it was from there the noises came, layering on top of each other like drums.
The first she's mentioning these neck balloons.

Aunty takes Cora and Agent Flannel out into the hall, and I kid you not, Lindsay rehashes the caste system and terminology, the power outage, and GENOME again.
After about twenty minutes, a flood of bureaucrats arrived, most of them military higher-ups. One of them introduced himself as Colonel Keith...
Colonel Keith?
Fuck you. older gentleman who seemed to Cora what Keanu Reeves might look like if he had aged twenty years, gained fifty pounds, and lost all his charisma.
Did she take descriptive writing classes from Ernest Cline?

Next paragraph.
“Cora, can you come with me?” said one of Keith’s subordinates, a friendly blond woman with a tight bun. She reminded Cora of Meg Ryan.
Describing things is hard. Just insert famous person. Easy peasey.
“He’s asking for me.” Cora ducked back into the room, relieved to be in here with dozens of extraterrestrials, some of whom were pushing twelve feet in height, than out there with the G-men.
Yes, better to be in a herd of albino dragon-raptors than icky men.
Cora pointed to the beanbag chair–looking thing the two Similars were guarding. Now that she was closer to it, she could see that it seemed to have the same “skin” that the rest of them had, an iridescent off-white silvery color. “What is that?”
“That is our Genome.”
She had assumed the Genome would be much smaller, like a computer program or a test tube. It looked like a sackful of ostrich eggs.
Ugh. Disgusting.
Pequod amygdalines seemed to have very little in the way of material possessions, and if they needed something, they seemed to will it into existence either from their bodies or from pure energy, as Ampersand had with his “syringe.”
Lindsay's version of a sonic screwdriver.
Given the size of the Genome relative to the size of their other belongings, she figured that it must contain literal genetic information like stem cells or embryos.
Or eggs. Lots of them.
Or because the paragraph before it described it as a SACKFUL OF OSTRICH EGGS!!!
This is a stupid, stupid book!
“You’re his next of kin?” asked Kaplan at length.
“Our social structure is based on the practice of dynamic fusion bonding. Cefo was my symphyle.”
She's making shit up.
“There’s no term for it in English, so he made one up.”

Anyway, & wants to take the retards and egg-sack and bugger off the planet. Cuz if they stay the other &s will soon learn the language and hack the computers. I don't know. It's what she said. I'm not making this shit up.
We understand that you wish to keep our existence undisclosed to the public. We can best accommodate that by removing ourselves from the planet altogether. If we depart, Obelus will depart as well.
Then this dumb sentence.
She had assumed that the worldwide Truthening was inevitable.
We get another sci fi trope. Why can't we tell people about the aliens?
“Because they’re covering their asses,” said Luciana. “They don’t want a huge lie and a metric fuckton of stupid mistakes to be made public. We’re heading into an election year. They’d rather just put off the consequences if it means not having to deal with them now.”
Because reasons.
Cora looked again at the twenty-eight odd existential alterations to the very fabric of the reality standing right in front of her.
Fuck you.

Guv'ment agrees to let the retard horde go, and Cora and her familia will need to sign NDA's. I'm sensing a twist betrayal for ebil guv'ment coming, aren't you? Anyway, they threaten the wrath of God if Cora opens her pie hole.
His shamelessness, how unapologetic he was about the total lack of due process, chilled her. Nils had always distrusted government agencies for myriad reasons, but she was beginning to understand the unique hatred he reserved for the CIA.
Fuck you again.

Colonel (fuck me) Keith lays it out.
“They’re going to ship us off to a secure location and wait for the controversial thing to go away. That’s all they care about.”
“Wouldn’t want First Contact going public during an election year,” she said bitterly.
“Yep!” said Kaplan without pause. “That’s the bullshit. But what I want is intelligence, and you are our conduit for that. So whatever you find out about them—their culture, their intentions, their civilization, anything—I want you to tell me. You work for me now. We clear?”
“This feels like a threat.”
“I mean, it kind of is?”
I read the colonel's words in Lindsay's voice just now. What kind of a pansy colonel talks like an alcoholic Californian housewife? “I mean, it kind of is (question mark)”

Ok, I find this next part a little clever. But just a little.
Cora moved toward Ampersand, stopping at that respectable distance of about ten feet he seemed to prefer. “Is there anything you’d like to tell them?” she asked him.
“I am relieved that your government has refrained from slaughtering this group.”
Cora managed to maintain the plastic, neutral expression she had been cultivating since this morning. “He thanks you for your hospitality.”
There. Now no one can accuse me of giving an unfair review. Right? Fuck you.

& assures Colonel Keith that the superorganism ain't interested in Erf anymore.
“He says the Superorganism would never invade Earth,” said Cora, repeating him verbatim. “It poses no strategic advantage.”
“Would there ever be a point where your species might come for our resources?” asked Kaplan.
“He says no,” said Cora. “Earth’s resources are unremarkable and abundant throughout this spiral of the galaxy, and Earth is too far from the Superorganism to mine regardless.”
End of Chapter.
End of Part Two.
We are half done, boys!

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Re: Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis/Hotdog girl

Post by pibbs » Fri Jul 31, 2020 9:01 pm

Axiom's End by HotDog Girl
Part Three: The Great Filter
Chapter 19: The Bucket List

DHI Book Club Discussion by pibbs
protected by Fair Use, bitch

Part Three's Intro starts by quoting Revelation 6:1-2, which I find offensive for a heathen like Lindsay to be exploiting for her retarded novel. Not only has she spent a lifetime proudly defying Judaeo-Christian morals, but doesn't have any understanding or, dare I say, context for using this passage. Whatever. She uses it to set up another fictitious article, by someone we've never heard of.
The events of Revelation need not be literal, or even religious, to carry some meaning as to what we are seeing before us.
And what we are seeing is unmistakable.
The fall of the Ampersand Event came with “the noise of thunder.” The Ampersand Event was the breaking of the first seal.
The “broken seal” is the first seal. Conquest on a white horse.
The real terror isn’t that our government lied. The real terror isn’t that our government hosted living extraterrestrial beings.
The real terror is that others are joining them.
The first seal is broken. And it is only the beginning.
What we are seeing here on Earth is the beginning of the end.
Go to hell, Lindsay.

Chapter 19

They moved the retard alien herd to NORAD at Cheyenne Mountain, because it's a place Lindsay has heard of in a movie and seems all guv'ment mysterious-like.
HAHAHA! Ok, guys, I'm not lying here, but I typed that previous sentence BEFORE I read this one.
Cora didn’t know much about NORAD except that it was the most well-known, well-fortified military bunker in the world and a setting for an old Matthew Broderick movie she had not seen.
I've got this stupid bitch figured out!!! And for the record “WarGames” was the EXACT movie I was referring to!

Word of the Day: Doomsday
“At least Cold War doomsday never came,” said Cora.
“Yeah, that particular doomsday, but this bunker is prepared for a lot of different doomsday scenarios. All sorts of new horrors have revealed themselves since the Cold War.”
“I see,” said Cora, her gaze floating in the direction of the transport carrying the Fremda group behind them.
“Exactly,” said Vincent. “Who knows how many new doomsday scenarios we’re going to have to prepare for?”
This is sub-high school level writing.

Dumb sentence. (referring to the two biggest of the retard aliens)
They must have weighed a thousand pounds each, though they certainly didn’t move like creatures that heavy, moving instead like they were gliding through shallow water and the laws of gravity did not apply.
That sentence structure is beyond clunky, and needed at least another rewrite. But there's booze waiting, right Lindsay?

Another sentence needing a rewrite.
The others marched along in a comical, profane alien death march, lockstep in pairs behind Esperas and the two Similars with Ampersand bringing up the rear, eyes to the ground like they were afraid of being whipped for disobedience, except two of them.
If I were a Hugo-nominated, NYT best-selling author, I would be embarrassed to have anyone read this drivel. Might as well use the hotdog gif for her bio pic.

Two of the smaller ETs seem to be more curious of the bunch. So, Cora names them Woodward and Bernstein.
Perhaps a bit too charitable to interpret their curiosity as “investigative,” but something about them smacked to her of subverting what was clearly a very strict hierarchy.
I just realized this is a long chapter so I'm just going to sum it up, and only quote the most egregious of offensive writing.
They preform the autopsy on Cefo. Oh, those former ROSA people from the cabin named after Lindsay's pedo friends? They show up to watch the autopsy. Because, that's why.
Before the autopsy begins, & needs a bucket. LOL! Sophisticated alien needs a bucket to drop his buddy's innards into. BEST-SELLER, folks!
“Understand that the terms I choose will not be a one-to-one translation, as the English language has neither the vocabulary nor the precision of Pequod-phonemic...
Translation: Lindsay is too lazy to research equivalent words, so she's just going to make shit up, because that's what you do in sci fi, right? Star Trek, ammiright?

She mentions the implant in Cora two more times. Did you forget?
“How do you know human language?”
“Experimentation on human subjects.”
Cora nearly choked on her spit, which Kaplan clearly noticed. “Research,” she said. Ampersand didn’t even look up.
So & performs the autopsy. Cora answers questions from the peanut gallery. It's a mix of nothing pertinent, REHASHES, and made up words. Want a sample?
“The carapace protects a semi-organic synthetic endoskeleton, which houses the nervous system. These bodies are designed to exist on alien worlds and are energized by power cores, not natural metabolism. Fremda have a higher quantity of organic nervous system relative to inorganic than other, non-Fremdan amygdalines, as well as some organic body parts outside of the nervous system and a unique microbiome. This makes us unique among the Superorganism.”
“Superorganism,” said Dr. Sev. “You’ve used this term several times. Can you elaborate on it? Your species?”
“This information is irrelevant to human interests.”
WHILE & performs an autopsy, he engages in the state of interstellar relations. Basically, he say they ain't really all that interested in us. Then why you here, nigga?

Cause of death: starvation by suicide. Cefo turned off his glucose supply.
So these cyborg dragon-raptors use glucose? Good to know. Let's hack his memory now. & turns the organic bits to ash, drops it in the bucket and telekinetically scoots it over to Cora to go dump. Dr. Sev (one of the cabin-hiding ROSA people) has photos of Cefo's pencil scratchings if & wants to look at them. Cefo wrote in perfect Times New Roman font. I'm not kidding. That's what Lindsay wrote.
There were dozens of pages of letters in isolation, letters combining into complete gibberish words, pages upon pages of “lorem ipsum.”
Oh fuck you, Lindsay. You can't write stupid shit like this, then throw in a phrase you heard somewhere, and don't really understand, just to look intellectual. It won't work. It's just pretentious.

Then there's some shit about the structure of language, that I'm sure Lindsay read on Wikipedia on the rare occasion she actually tried to do some research.
She had only really started on her linguistics major the year she dropped out but knew enough to understand that the school of linguistics wasn’t equipped at all to tackle nonhuman languages. The study of phonemics alone was so specifically attuned to the sounds the human mouth made—glottal stops, lingual fricatives, velar fricatives, sonorants, sibilants—all noises of tongue and teeth..
Wow. For someone who only started studying linguistics that sure is, dare I say... a mouthful! YEEEAAHHH!!! CSImiami.gif

Apparently, Cefo made colored-pencil drawings in particular of a planet. But the superorganism ain't from no planet. They be “a construct. A superstructure.” Whatever.

& says he doesn't know what the hell Cefo was drawing and tells everyone except Cora to bugger off now.
She watched Ampersand as he dug around in ?efo’s now-empty head..
No significance to this sentence. Just found it funny.
He rooted around in ?efo as if he were a car he’d found in a scrap yard, not a beloved family member.
This prompts Cora to ponder family, and asks & about famly in the retard collective. But they ain't got family like that, he says.
On Earth, the closest analogue to a phyle might be a pride of lions or a troop of chimpanzees... “In contrast to fission-fusion social groups. It is nonmonogamous pair bonding. Modern amygdalines retain the dynamic fusion bonding practice despite no longer practicing sexual reproduction.
Got that, assholes? Fuck you.
& had seven “children”. Cora asks if any are still alive. Two are, but he doesn't know where they are. Then the chapter ends the best way I could imagine. & tells Cora to fuck off.
“Leave now,” he said. “I have no more use for you.”
End of Chapter.

To Lindsay and her mob, book discussion is in the NCunt: Black Cocks Only thread, where you may REEEEE without censorship. A freedom of differing opinion that we grant and that you wouldn't.


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